All the World’s a Stage: Wanna hear a Joke?
by Nezzy Crazy Plots Inc
Summary: Lies, lies, and more lies. What's worse than two people knowing the whole truth of pathological liars? Those two people, a nice young couple, revealing the whole truth. And making parodies about their lives. -Chap 27 up- "I kissed my bro and I liked it"
1. Wanna Hear a Joke?

**Welcome to FreakLand! **

**  
You've just stepped into a... well, a **_**warehouse**_**. I know, I know it's a **_**fanfiction cliche.**_** But... this warehouse it's not the common abandoned warehouse where the Joker usually takes the "**_**random kidnapped girl**_**" to turn her into his ****pet****, sorry **_**hench-girl**_**. Actually, this looks like a warehouse from the outside... and from the inside it's just... well, his house, operation base, **_**however you want to call it.**_

**  
See from **_**here?**_** Yes, I know, we're **_**outside**_**. Well, actually there's two warehouses. See that one, **_**the smaller?**_** Well that one is where the Joker lives. The other is where his often referred as "**_**goons**_**" live, but I would say it's more like his **_**personal army**_**. Just a **_**part**_** of his army... damn, he's got a lot of people working for him **_**nowadays.**_**  
**

_**Anyway.**_** Enough of my rambling and into the story. **

**  
Introductions first! You wanna meet the **_**Joker SuperStar**_** in person? Yeah, you want to. Exactly why you're here. Let's go inside and see **_**what the hell**_** is he doing tonight. **

**  
Just walk through the walls. We're incorporeal... like **_**ghosts**_**. Let's say we're **_**Gasper the Friendly Ghosts**_**! Haha! **

**  
Ok, here we are. **_**The kitchen**_**. And there **_**he**_** is. And so it's **_**The Bitch**_**. **

_**Great... **_

**Well, you would have to meet her anytime soon, **_**anyway. **_

**  
The Joker and his... **_**hehe**_**... female companion are "working". Exactly in the moment you start reading this story, the Joker notices us. Even if we were outside. And now.. **_**he's looking at us**_**. Don't worry—he **_**can't**_** hurt us. He just happens to know that we are here. His companion... **_**I don't know**_**. She is just there making a bomb to blow something up, they just haven't decided exactly **_**what**_**. As you may already know, because you are reading a story about **_**him**_** and you saw the **_**film**_**, and probably read some **_**comics**_** with him in them, you know that he doesn't really plan, he just…**_**does things**_**. And at this very moment, they are making a bomb, a really **_**big one**_** for that matter. They just... haven't decided what for. **

**  
**_**Yet. **_

**  
He knows you are here for some **_**entertainment**_**. In his mind that word means a bullet in your head, blow you up from the inside out or just carving a nice smile in your face, so you can smile…**_**Forever.**_

**  
The problem is that you aren't even corporeal. That's a **_**serious**_** problem, because he doesn't want to disappoint you, he's a **_**natural**__**entertainer**_**. But you are here now, and that's what's really important. **

**  
If you ask me, the guy likes getting all the attention he can have and **_**more.**_

**  
He doesn't know how you got here. Actually, he doesn't even know what you look like. **_**He doesn't care, either**_**. He just wants you to **_**smile**_**. So, he thinks about something to make you smile, maybe hear your **_**laugh**_**. Is that even possible, if you are just something that came out of thin air just a moment ago? He doesn't know, but he thinks it's **_**worth a try**_**, he has already seen a lot of weird things. **

**  
**_**And I mean reaaaally weird stuff! **_

**  
You being there is not exactly at the **_**top of the list**_**, and he won't start yelling as if he's seen a ghost. **

**  
What I mean is: Do you picture **_**The Joker**_** as the kind of guy who would start yelling **_**" Oh My Gosh, a ghost ahhhh!"**_** while running around the kitchen waving his arms like a **_**little girl**_**? **

**  
**_**I don't**_**. **

**  
The Joker is **_**not**_** afraid of the **_**unknown**_**. He is not a **_**sissy**_**. So.... he decides to tell you a **_**joke**_**. After all, that's why you are reading this, **_**right**_**? Just for **_**entertainment**_**. And since he is the Joker, he has to live up for **_**his name**_**. And since **_**YOU**_** choose **_**HIM**_**, he's tonight's entertainment! **

**Don't you just **_**love**_** how everyone likes to **_**quote the film**_**?**

**But **_**like hell**_** the Joker repeats himself over and **_**over again**_**. He's **_**not**_** a line dispenser: why so serious, wanna to see a magic trick, **_**etc, etc...**_

**The Joker is **_**Not**_** a Line Dispenser, **_**ya hear me?!**_

**Ok, I'm done with my rambling now.**

_**There you have him.**_

**  
He turns to you and gives you his best smile. **

-So. _Wanna hear a joke? _

-Jay, shut up and stop talking to the _wall_ - says a very annoyed woman in the corner of the room, still making the bomb- And if you'll go ahead and tell a joke, at least tell a _good one _

- I wasn't asking you- he roles his eyes and slaps the back of her head- I was asking my public here!

**And he makes a mock reverence to us. **

-Yeah right, you have a _"public"."-_ the woman sighs- I think I'll call _Harley_ to get you _your meds... _

**She gets up of her chair and heads to Harley's room. He grabs her by her arm quickly, before she calls Harley. **

**  
Harley Quinn: The Joker's oh so beloved **_**wife**_**. **

**Yes I said "**_**Wife**_**". He got **_**married**_**... I'll show ya that **_**later**_**.**

-_No_! Don't bring her here- he hisses to her- she's getting kind of _annoying_.

-Tell _me_ about it!- the woman sits in her chair again, starting to work in the bomb again- _Annoying_ is her middle name.

-And yours is _Bitch_- he says petting her head mockingly- so _shut up._

- Oh, _Prince Charming_ defending his _Little Princess_?- she tells him in a sarcastic tone- how _cute_ of you Jay!

**Both of them start laughing, trying to muffle the sound not to call Harley's attention.  
**

**Ok, those two... **

**  
There. They stopped. He turns back to us again. **

- So, as I was asking my public _here_- he motions to us- wanna hear a _joke?_

**What do you say, **_**yes or no**_**? It doesn't matter, since he **_**can't**_** hear you. But he feels that you **_**really**_** want to hear it. I don't blame you, he's **_**funny guy...**_

**  
Funny guy who happens to be a **_**murdering, sadistic clown**_**. But well... you're here reading a story about **_**him**_**, so I take you don't mind about that**_** little detail...**_

-They're kind of _shy_ don't you think?- She tells him amused at his antics.

-No, the problem is that they _can't_ answer me- he answers annoyed at her- but I know they're _dying_ to hear the joke. _Right_?

-_Whatever_- she tells him nonplused- I guess I'm doing this alone _this time_- she mutters- because _psycho clown_ decided to tell jokes to the _wall._

-_Ya know....?_ They came here for _me_, I can feel it- he tells her in a conspirative tone, pointing at himself- I think don't they even know who _you_ are...

-I don't care, you're _pissing me off!-_ she tells him in a mock sugary tone- Tell your joke and let me _finish_ this thing!

-C'mon, you can let the bomb for just a one minute, _workaholic freak_?- He roles his eyes annoyed- I'll tell _your side_ of the joke!

-Ok. Go Ahead- she sighs, sounding defeated-Let me tell you, you are talking to the _wall_ and I already know the story of _my_ life.

-_Enough already_- he slaps the back of her head harder this time- now _you_ are pissing _me_ off!

-Whatever.

-So we have this _average girl_ here right?- he tells you smiling from ear to ear- Let's call her... _Allie._

**The woman looks up at him and points him with a gun, her face serious and cold. he starts laughing and takes it off her hands. She takes another gun and smirks at him, playing with it mockingly. **

-Don't call me _that_- she tells him in a sing-song voice- or I'll start calling you _Ja.._

-Shut up!- he hisses back at her- _bitch..._

**  
He interrupts her before she says... that name that you may know by now. He knows you know but... he doesn't like to be called **_**that**_**. **

-Do whatever you want but don't say _that_ name- she tells him icily- _Ever. Again._

- The same for you, _dear_- he looks down at her, petting her head mockingly- So... She was really _bored_ that night, right?- he turns back to us, starting his joke again- She didn't have a family, a boyfriend or any kind of friends for that matter. She was a _shy little widow _mourning her husband, let me cry about it... _buahhh!-_ he starts to act as if he was crying, and both of them start laughing- She just stayed allllll day long in the computer reading e-books or doing some things that were not exactly "_legal_", but at least kind of _fun._

- "_She_" was pathetic, _say it_, no offense taken- she shrugs- And if you want to talk about _pathetic_ ...- she raises an eyebrow raising her hands in mock surrender, turning back to you- I can tell you about _certain widower_ that cried all day long...

**He doesn't like to be out of the spotlight... he roles his eyes and slaps her across the face. She starts laughing bitterly **

- Shut up that _hell hole_ you have as a _mouth_!- he interrupts her- She had this little _hobby...-_ he turns back to you, clearing his throat- something to do in this _everlasting Sunday _that some people dare to call "_life_". It had been _years_ since she stopped having a _life_.

- Yeah, I was some kind of _semi-death ameba_ walking through my little apartment- she agrees- I know. I only ate _delivery food._ Really pathetic.

-Cooking was not her thing. Neither was cleaning or being organized for that matter. Her apartment was a _serious_ disaster, and that coming from someone like _me_ is just _baaaaad._

-Have you ever heard about _"creative space"?_

-_Soooooooo_...she knew when her life had seemed to end. It was when she lost her job as a receptionist, four years ago. At that time she was 20 and working in this boring office. She didn't even remember what they did in that so-called "_business_"- he makes the quotation marks in the air and turns to her- _What was it about?_

- Something to do with _lawyers_, my _Dear Daddy_ got it for me to be a _"productive member of society_"- she answers boredly- Ha! Now that's a _good_ joke!

-Really, is there anything more... boring than a _lawyer's office_?- he asks her boredly. She mouths "_no_"- C'mon. She only worked there for _one month_. She couldn't stand being there _allllllll_ day long doing nothing but sending e-mails, taking calls and opening the door of the office smiling from ear to ear likesomeone who'd had a _frontal lobotomy the day before. _

- With a _toothbrush_!- she laughs- A frontal lobotomy with a _toothbrush_, can you see _that_ happening?

- Ya know, that's a _good_ idea... maybe I can try _stabbing one_ through someone's ear! Next time I feel like _killing something_ I'll try that one- he grins at the prospect- Anyway, You can't smile seriously in a place like that. _It's fake_. There is nothing worse than a fake smile, I hate a fake smile, if you smile, _smile like you mean it_- he tells you seriously- or I can always solve that with a _knife_- he smiles and points at his scars-  
Well, from day one, she knew this "_job_" wouldn't last. She hated being in an "_organized_" environment. She hated those _nobodies_ working in that stupid office and thinking that they were in some way important because they had a degree on...-he shrugs non-interested- ..._something _

-Most of the people there had been working for more that _15 years_- she shakes her head sadly- those kind of people are only good to be _shoot at_- she sighs- It's called _mercy_.

-Seriously, how could they dare to call _that_ life?- The Joker tells outraged at the prospect of _"that kind of life"- _Didn't they see that they were just _office slaves_?- he keeps complaining- Sure, it was better that being a _sales slave_ or a _fast food slave..._

-That would be the _bottom_ of the slavery chain.

**I don't take any responsibility on the Bitch's words. Neither the Joker's. **

- _Yeah_.. the thing is that they were still slaves. Being a slave isn't only _boring_, it's _humiliating_. She was the kind of girl who liked to be _respected_. The women working there were always so jealous of her for being _young and pretty_....

-Don't let Harley hear you think I'm pretty, she'll try to kill me. _Again!_- she looks to Harley's room, suddenly paranoid and with a hint of desperation- And you know how _that_ ended... -she whispers to him frowning.

-Hear _what_?- Asked Harley from the next room

**Harley: she hears her name and she's already there. In the middle of the room. Both the Joker and the now to be known as "Bitch" smile at her nervously**.

-Nothing Harley- The Bitch answers cheerfully- Jay here's telling me how _pretty_ you are!

**Harley jumps to him hugging him tightly, and he smiles lecherously at her, starting to make out with her, eyeing carefully The Bitch's reaction. **

**  
Who yawns mockingly at him. **

-Oh Mistah J you are _soooooo sweet!_

- _I know_- he answers kissing her ear- _ehh_... would you wait for me in _my_ room, I wanna have _some fun_ tonight.

**She smiles happily from ear to ear and and goes to his room cheerfully. **

**  
The Joker wants to have fun. Translated: **_**He wants to get laid tonight.**_

**  
The Bitch roles her eyes annoyed at puts the bomb aside. She gets up and start making herself a **_**tea**_**. **

- Can she get more self delusional?- she mutters after some seconds of silence.

-Anyway, Sorry for my _lovely wife's_ interruption- The Joker turns to you once again, making a small reverence- which brings me to _another subject_- he motions to the bitch- _Women_... women are _reaaaaally_ competitive, _ya know? _

-Sure I do- The Bitch says bitterly- living with _Barbie Doctor._

T**he Joker waves his middle finger mockingly at her, who just ignores him.**

-Who's prettier, who has bigger boobs, who's is thinnest... stuff like that. Something _stupid_ and _pointless_, doesn't make you _happy_ really. I'm not exactly _handsome_ but I'm always _smiling_. And _I mean it!_

_Soooo..._ as women are usually as _fake as a 30 cent coin_, they tried to cover up their _bitterness_ with a little too much _sugar_, saying things like – he starts to imitate an old woman-"_oh sweetie, you'll make a career in this business, a pretty thing like you, I started as a receptionist too!"_. She usually just said _"Thanks ma'am"_

-Which in fact was something like: _"I couldn't care less if you started as a receptionist or moping the floor, bitch". _

-Sometimes a woman in her thirties came by demanding that she _"needed a coffee, this work is soooo tiring"._ She said _"Sure ma'am"_ while thinking _"would you like me to kill you with the _spoon_, too ma'am? I could give it a try, ya know." _

- I wasn't _that_ creative at the time, just a little "_I'd like to see you bleed to death "_ would do the trick. But _spoons_... – she starts toying with the spoon in her cup of tea, smiling happily- they make such _great_ weapons in the _right hands_! The same goes for _pencils..._

- Only one month and she was _out of there!_- he points dramatically to the outside door- Couldn't stand being around those people, made her _sick!_

-_Literally._ I puked during the whole month!

-When she told her parents that she kind of _"lost"_ her job on the way home, they just _kicked her out_.After all, being 20 and not being the _perfect little girl_ they wanted her to be wasn't acceptable. Well, maybe it would have helped if she didn't start _mocking_ at them and yelling how they _cheated on each other_. I think they called her... what was it again?

- _A parasite feeding on their wallets._

-A _parasite?_ They had such a way with words, _hmm?_ So she ended up living with her _aunt_, who didn't have any children but was a good person who could always provide a _good laugh_ and a _hot meal._ One week after that, her boyfriend left her without any _reason_ Via MSN.

- Well, we know he _had_ a reason... I didn't have any _money_ left- she says boredly-In fact, he made _his friend_ do it for him.

-He did get a medal for that, _right_? Must be some _record_. C'mon, you can't have a friend dump your girlfriend _via MSN_. He never picked up the phone and never answered any emails. Soon after that she was _so depressed_ and _nervous_ that she stopped eating and sleeping. And in some way she ended up with a _shrink_ and taking _meds_ to see if she could sleep again, which she eventually did.

-Yeah, but the bastard got _rewarded...-_ she smiles warmly at him- with poison. _Right?_

-They said she was _bipolar_. So, she started therapy and there she met the _poor guy_ who would end up _married_ to her, _bless his heart..._ – he lowers his head feigning sadness- who in his _right mind_ would marry _you_?- he turns to her who lifts an eyebrow mockingly-After she got married she never went back to that _pit of hell_. You see, she was ok with being bipolar while she was in a _maniac state_. Being a _maniac_ of _any kind_ is _fun_, don't let anybody tell you otherwise!. Sure, depressive _wasn't_ good, but the _mania_ made up for it!

-Amen, _dear brother_!- she says mockingly- Now let's raise our hands _and..._

- That one's old as _Mathusalem_!- he complains frustrated- Anyway, we're not here to tell ya about the _poor guy_ who married this _lovely bitch._ So, after losing her job she moved with her aunt who died from old age in her sleep one night. She _truly_ cried for her _ol' good auntie._ And then, when it seemed that it couldn't get _worse._

-Never say _that_, things can _always_ get worse

- Anyway, her parents got killed by _some kid _that tried to steal from her former house. Sure, she didn't exactly _looooove_ her parents, but that guy couldn't get away with that as if nothing happened, and being released just because he was _"underage and under the influence of drugs"_ was not acceptable. The thing was... she wanted _Mommy_ and _Daddy_ to die from a _heart attack_ after seeing she got _her degree_. So... _the kid_ stepped into _her job_. It was about _honor_, you don't do things like _that_ and get your way. At least not with _her._

- _" To Big Problems Simple Solutions". _

- That was something her father always said. _Every. Single. Day_. She got herself a _gun_. Simple. _Bang Bang_ you are _dead_ and problem _solved_. Forever. Really simple, really quick, _no remorse_.

- A pleasure to cut that guy's limps and throw them directly to the river- she says in a dream like tone- I'd like to thank _Jon_ for that one...- she mutters sadly, eyeing the Joker's reaction- a shame I can't. You know, _I miss him._

- Shut it, _please_- he roles his eyes annoyed- You felt great while dumping the body in the river, _right_?- he looks at us again- Nobody could ever say she was doing something _wrong_, people should be saying "_thanks_" to her. This guy would never kill again or have children to plague this already _crowded_ and _horrible_ world. As if we need one more kid that will end up in the streets saying "_just a coin, sir, just a coin for me and my lil sister, ohhhh we are soooooo poooooor" _

-I hate it when someone does that. But _poor people_... they become _great tools_ when they grow up and start getting _desperate_ for money. If not ask our _employees_!

-She sold her aunt's and her parents' houses and got herself and apartment in downtown. And a _computer_. That is _reaaaally_ important: _a gooood computer._

-So... you're telling my whole life just for the _computer_? Just say I got the computer, it's _easier_.

-Shut up and stop interrupting me!- he hisses at her- you annoying _almost midget_!

- _Good_ things come in _small_ packages- she states icily-

-Anyway, don't pay attention to _her_. She doesn't know how to _take a joke_. Well, it started as a _game_, just to see if she could get her hands in some _credit card_ numbers from e-bay and buy _nice stuff _for herself. She was kind of competitive so everything was a challenge. As soon as she got something done, she moved on to something more difficult just to see if she could do it. _Arkham's System, _just to say something.

- C'mon! You're still happy I made _that_ little trick!- she laughs at the memory- Wow, it's been _ten years_ already?

- Yeah... – he sighs- Anyaway- he recovers and starts to tell the joke again- As years went by, she could proudly call herself a "_Professional Hacker" _and was making good money from that. _Like punching someone in a dark room_. Nobody did it, it just kind of _happened_. No _real_ victims. You lost all your money from your bank account! _Period_. That's it, stop _asking_ and _crying_ about it! _Money comes and goes!_

So, did I told you she was _curious_? She was, really, _reaaaally curious_. Soooo, one day while sitting in her computer at night , thinking about her _oh so beloved dead husband_, so bored and sad she had this _wonderful idea_... "_one more little prank wont hurt anybody, riiiight?"_ and started hacking the system of the _government_ just for the sake of _ol' good fun. _She never changed nothing, just read some interesting facts that confirmed that this world is in fact really, _really sick and twisted._

-You got off the road. _Make it simple._ Normal girl, kills a guy, husband gets himself _killed_ because he didn't have any _neurone left_. Said girls buys a computer and starts hacking stuff. _Simple._

- _SHUT UP_! ...But we were talking about her being _bo-ored_ and just lost track of things, _right_? And don't complain about the _poor saint_ who became your husband,_ poor guy..._ living with you is a little bit of _hell... _

- And you're living with _me_, it's been a _couple of years_ and you wont dispose of me!

- Ever heard of the _Damocles Sword?_ It's hanging above _your neck_!- the threatens to her, then he turns back at us- Sorry, that kind of happens to people like _me_. Can't get too focused in _one spot_. Did I say that she was a really _cold_ person? _No_? Well, she was.

- You are really _bad_ at telling jokes for a guy called _The Joker_. The only funny thing here's that you're wearing make-up and talking to the _wall_. Hey, If you wanna hear a _good Joke_, certain guy _here_ lost a bet and blew up a hospital in a _naughty nurse outfit_!

- I'm getting _reaaally_ annoyed here, I'm warning _ya_. Besides, I can pull a _nurse outfit_ better than _you_, annoying little midget...! Anyway, this _little hacker_ was bored in her apartment drinking a coffee and getting her _dirty little hands_ in the governments' system, _right_? And then _it_ happened. She saw this thing called _MMM_, so she asks herself: _what the hell is MMM_? She had to enter a password to get into this _ooooh soooo secret file,_ right? That usually happens to people who are bored at home and are _too curious for their own good._ Follow me til here? Well, after 7 hours, several coffees and a big headache she breaks this little secret system _to see... _

.

.

.

.

_... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. __**TA DA!**_

**  
You must be thinking: **_**What the...? **_

-That's was a _reaaally_ bad joke, you know...

-If you want to hear the best joke ever, ever, made by that guy some call _God_, listen to this. Just a warning: It's not _that_ nice. Not. One. Bit. Kind of _freaky_ and _disturbing_, even for a guy like _me_. Well... in fact this is what happens when you understand that particular joke. _You get it._

**Wanna hear it? **

**  
Ya Sure? **

**  
Too late. **

Everything is a joke. Rules, society, religion, order…all made up, all _lies_. But the big joke is that nobody gets it! Change _one little thing_... and you have a totally different world. The story I told you... if her father didn't get her that job, she wouldn't have quit, she wouldn't have met her... _husband_ and end up depressed in a small apartment digging into _real deep shit..._ the story would be different, and she wouldn't be here but in _Arkham's cementery._

_One little thing._ That's all it takes to change the world. _Hmm?_ Right? Think about it, think about your own life. Why are _you_ here, _anyway_?

This is something I could _tell_ you, but that wouldn't be enough, you wouldn't believe me! You'd think I was crazy! But I'm... No, I'm not crazy. No. NO. I just happen to know _more_ than you do. And I don't lie. _I don't._ But if you see it and you don't get it, if you ignore the truth behind this..._stage_ you call your life, your work, your family, your world.... you might end up…hmmm. Let's say, _insane._

But if you do get it, _like me_, you understand that everything is just a _game_: you are supposed to play it and have fun, not sit around in an office getting fatter as days go by just to end up being some ashes nobody cares about. This game doesn't have _rules_. Not. One. Rule. That's exactly why it's so _funny_. And let me tell you... if you don't play this game.. you're not really _alive_, just a face in the crowd…. You are _nothing_. But when you get the joke and start _playing the game_... that's when you become truly alive. That's when you become a _guy like me_ ... _So, Wanna hear a good joke? _

**  
Do you? **

- Jay! you sure know how to make a _cliffhanger!_

-You've just spoiled the whole thing! Better sleep with one eye open tonight, _bitch! _

-_Always. _

-So, let me know if ya wanna hear the joke, I don't know how that would work…just give a _sign_, or _something_!

-That's it, you are talking to the _wall_, I'm calling Harley to get you something-

-_NO!_

- _HARLEY!_ – The bitch yells starting to act as if she were scared and in the verge of tears-Your Puddin' here needs something for- her breath becomes heavy, starting to tremble-..._hallucinations_, I think.

**Harley comes out of the Joker's bedroom, using a small baby-doll and runs to the Joker, caressing his face concerned- **

- Puddin are you ok?

- No Harley, he's _not_- The Bitch starts crying- He was talking to _the wall_ Harley, please I'm _scared_. Give him something and take him to _bed_.

- Oh Damn- Harley hugs the Joker tightly, while he watches The Bitch mocking at them behind Harley's back- Ok... I'll get you something, let me think about it... No, just a simple _sedative_ would do, I don't want to start with _strong_ medication- Harley muses to herself, starting to cry at the prospect of her husband _"going Crazy"-_ If he keeps having hallucinations, we'll see then- she turns to The Bitch- Could you take care of him just a minute while I get the pills and a glass of water?

- Sure Harley- she answers, embracing her tightly- Thanks _God_ we have you around, what would we do _without you? _

- _It's ok..._ I'll be right back- Harley smiles down to the Bitch and heads to her bedroom

**Both The Joker and The Bitch are left alone in the kitchen. She's smiling smugly and he doesn't seem anywhere close to amused. **

-I'll kill you with your own toothbrush, dear- he tells her seriously- _I hate taking pills_

- But you do take the _blue ones_, don't you...?- she tells her in a mock sweet tone-

- _I don't...-_ he starts to complain

-So let us know if you want to know how we ended up here!- The Bitch turns her back to you waving her hand

-_You..._

-Yeah... I know, _Clown_! I know… There's something out there, I just... don't want to think about it. It's... _disturbing_- she combs her hair with her hand, nervous- I was just ignoring this...thing you were talking to. But I did want to get Harley to give you something- she grins at him- _Good to have a shrink in the family! _

**  
She makes a mock reverence to you, and starts laughing at him. **

-You said the _punchline_! Hide your toothbrush, bitch, _I'm a man of my word! _

**She runs to her bedroom laughing before he grabs something and kills her.  
**

**A **_**stupid**_** action, she knows as well as he does he would **_**never**_** kill her.  
**

**Have you ever stopped to wonder during this little show why he didn't kill her? **_**Of course you did.**_** Everything has a reason... The MMM. She found something that night...**

**She found the **_**literal**_** Rabbit Hole.**

**It could have been **_**Wonder**_**Land and she decided to turn it into **_**Freak**_**Land. **

**He didnt put any **_**complains**_**.**

**They play bets over almost everything. Sometimes she wins, some other he does. But it always, without exeption, **_**backfires**_** in their faces.**

**The Joker made a move to win the **_**Ultimate Bet**_**. He thinks he made a good move.**

_**He didnt.**_


	2. Obsession and Love

**Welcome again! Nice you come around again, I feel kinda lonely here.**

**I knew you'd be back, dont ask me how, but I knew. You want to hear the rest of the joke. **

**Again, I dont blame ya.**

**But I have bads news. The Joker is not around now. Neither Harley. They are "busy", if you get my drift. **

**And no, don't even ask to go there. You won't go there to see that little show. Sorry, he likes privacy.**

**Sometimes.**

**Well, he doesn****'t like to be seen in the act, but he doesn't mind to be heard.**

**So, we**** are in her room. The Bitch. I take you remember her, right? The woman The Joker talked about? The woman that was preparing the bomb until The Joker started telling you a joke, and she kept being annoying and interrupting him?**

**Yes, you remember her. **

**In the very moment you start to read this, she is in her ****desk doing something on her laptop, typing rather quickly. But she seems to be a little...troubled**

**As I told ya... The Joker doesn't mind to be heard.. actually he likes to be heard. It's just his personal and subtle way to torture The Bitch. **

**Well... not that sublte way because they are loud. Very loud.**

_-ohhhhhhhhh puddin!_

**She rolls her ayes and mimics her-**

-"ohhh Puddin" keep it quiet- she complains hitting the desk with her palm- I'm trying to do something here-

**She takes her eyes from the computer. She notices you. You disturbed her ****so called "inner peace", and that's a problem. So she tries to ignore you. She goes back to the computer and starts typing slowly, yet every now and then she crooks her head slightly to take a look at you.**

**It's been ten minutes since she saw you. And she is getting jumpy. Not afraid, just disturbed by your presence. She puts the computer ****aside her laptop next to a pile of papers and walks to the wardrobe. She opens it and starts throwing things on the bed. Clothes, papers, CD's, shoes, books, bullets, knives...**

**...And a teddy bear?**

**Right... t****hat's a gift from her "husband"**

**Whom she hasn't seen in about... three months already? Poor guy really...**

**I have to agree with the Joker: being her husband is a little bit of a hell.**

**He didn't left because he wanted to. He was kicked out.**

**She is searching for something**** in her wardrobe. Something she doesn't seem to find. She is getting frustrated.**

**There.**

**She found what she was looking for: a pack of cigarettes. Now she starts to try to find something to light one. After a few minutes and another pile of clothes thrown on the floor, she finds a ****lighter. She puts a cigarette in her mouth and lights it. She starts pacing around the room, trying to ignore you. She is in deep thought, probably thinking about you, your sudden appearance in her room...**

_-ohhhhhhh God M__istah j!_

**...Or the fact that she's just heard a very loud moan coming from the room beside hers. ****Whatever it was, she is not happy. She curses loudly and grabs the first thing she gets (which happens to be the teddy bear) and throws it to the wall, and starting to punch furiosly to the wall.**

-SHUP UP! I'M TRYING TO WORK!

_-__Puddin'! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!_

**Well, there. Mystery solved: she's more annoyed with Harley than with you. That's good.**

**But she's still nervous and disturbed by you. Yet probably angrier at herself at this point. She is supposed to be a cold and collected person.**

**She simply can't ignore you, even if she tries to close her eyes. She feels your curiosity. She opens her eyes and walks to stand right in front of you. She is obviously angry, and she stares right into where your eyes should be.**

-That's it. I'm done with the silent treatment here- she tells you seriously, standing proudly and straight- You want to talk? Ok. Tell me what or who you are.

**You can't answer her, you don't have a voice.**

**By the way, who are you?**

**She takes a switchblade from her pocket and stabs you, prepared to hear you scream in pain, your warm and thick blood covering her hand...**

**...but the knife doesn't cut anything but thin air. She drops it out of shock.**

**She is astonished. You see...she touched you while trying to stab you...and she felt cold. Like putting her hand trough a block of ice. A non- material block of ice.**

**She is stunned. And this time...she is truly scared. She can't hurt you.**

-_Soo_ what are you?- she asks you curiously- A spectre? A ghost? _Spirit of Christmas Future?_ Someone _I_ killed?

**She is asking you. Do you know what you are?**

**No, no , no,**** that's not the right question. You know who and what you are. Let me re-phrase that for you...**

_**Do you know what you are in this place?**_

**It doesn't matter. You don't have a voice****, and it's not like she actually wants an answer. **

**She wants you out of her bedroom.**

**The Bitch**** collects herself, kneels to grab the switchblade again and takes a deep breath.**

-If you are someone I killed and you want me to regret it, let me tell you that I don't have any regrets about anything I've done- she tells you seriously- And I probably don't remember you anyway- she shrugs- So you can leave and haunt someone else.

**Oh, sorry, I just realized that you can't see her…you don't know what she looks like! After all, you are reading this, not actually seeing it. Let me apologize about that:**

**Sorry.**

**She has-**

-Stop staring at me, it's rude!- she complains

**Yes...while I was trying to describe her, you **_**were**_** staring at her. And she is right! It's rude!**

-Why am I talking to you anyway?- she puts a hand in her face, frustrated- Great. Just great, I'm talking to the wall and asking it to stop staring at me- she mutters to herself- I'm feeling stalked by my own wall.-

**She ****takes a deep breath and sits in her bed. She still has the cigarette in her left hand, its burning slowly. She stopped smoking at the very moment she decided to talk to you.**

-And now...I'm starting to feel your curiosity- she talks to herself, disbelieving- OK. Even though you're not at the top of the 'Strangest Things I've Seen, Heard or Felt List'- she point at you- you are still plain disturbing.

**Wow, she accepted to be disturbed, that's something new**!

- Please leave- she smiles at you warmly- I have work to do tonight.

**But you aren't going to leave just because she says so, right?**

**Of course not, you're here for enterteiment, and annoying the Bitch... well, is not as entertaining as annoying The Joker, but ****beggars cant be choosers.**

-Ok. You won't leave until I tell you something- she complains frustrated- OK, that's perfectly fine. Some kind of thing has just popped up into my bedroom while I'm working expecting me to finish a joke _I didn't even start-_ she sighs annoyed- And I'm talking to it. Perfect, just perfect. This is exactly what I needed in my life: a curious ghost that wants me to tell a joke. Me. A joke. That's _ridiculous_. Really.

**She starts giggling nervously, trying not to take the fact that you are here very seriously. She throws the knife next to the teddy bear, realizing that it's useless against you.**

**She is lowering her defenses. Outstanding. You have accomplished the impossible: you made her feel vulnerable. Remarkable. Impressive...**

**She stops. Takes a deep breath and looks at you a little scared... but not scared of you. Scared of **_**herself.**_** She lost control of her emotions.**

-Ok. I need Harley to get me something to sleep until you decide to leave.

_-Ohhhhh puddin!_

-Damn.

**So concerned about **_**you **_**that she forgot about **_**that.**_

**She grabs a ****knife and throws it to the wall furiously.**

-And Harley is with The Joker. In his bedroom- she roles her eyes disgusted- Doing things I probably don't want to know or think about-

**Her cigarette's burnt completely by now. She dumps what is left of it in the corner. She has decided to overcome her fear of you.**

**She smiles at you. A pleasant smile. Let me warn you... she'll try to...**

-Let's do something- she tells you nodding courtly- You want some entertainment. Someway...you made your point crystal clear- she states- I understand you need for fun- she continues, putting a hand in her chest and smiling at you- I really do.

**...sympathize with you. That's more like her.**

-...But I'm not an entertainer, I don't think I'm capable of saying something funny without The Joker by my side. I'm sorry- she apologizes- Who happens to be with Harley right now... – She grins to you with fake happiness- I have an idea!

**She gets up of the bed and walks toward you. She's still smiling. She winks**** to you in complicity. She is trying to make you feel at ease with her, and thank whatever deidity you're not corporal because if that was the case she would have already shoot you.**

- So...between you me and _the wall_, they are having sex- she lifts an eyebrow mockingly- Two clowns having sex. Sex is fun. Clowns are fun. Funny mix- she laughs bitterly- You can go there, I'm sure they are having fun, and they won't mind being seen. I can hear them all the time and they don't seem to mind!- she displays a fake smile, full of hatred- So, let me show you the door-

**She gets up and opens the door. She stays there with a frozen smile for more than two minutes waiting for you to leave.**

**And you don't.**

**Well, I know you want to go and see some "action" but no, I won't let you. This is not some porn movie and this is rated PG-13. Sorry. You are staying here.**

-Ok. So you won't leave. That's Ok. You'll get tired, because as far as I know, you can't read my mind and I'm not saying anything.

**She is right: you can't read her mind...but she won't stop talking. If she has the opportunity to... **_**express **_**herself, she will. Even if it's with some ghost.**

**She loves hearing her own voice, narcisist bitch.**

-Don't insist. I'll do my job and probably smoke a cigarette. But I know you want to hear the joke. It's understandable.

**See? She won't shut up!**

-... And I don't think you are very comfortable standing there and I would be a terrible host for leaving you standing there until they finish. You can leave my room and wait for The Joker in the...living room, if you want to call it that way. There's a fridge there, if you want a drink or something to eat. There's also a sofa and a can wait there, I don't mind. Let me open the door for you-

**...and she does it all over again. But she gets extra points for trying a new approach!**

**But you still won't leave.**

**After two minutes, she gets tired and slams the door. She faces you again, any trace of a friendly smile gone. She is livid.**

**-**I've been nice and you are not leaving as I _politely_ asked you to. I tried to negotiate, I tried to give you an alternative, and I also tried to make you fell comfortable in _my own house_ and you are still not obeying me. I do _hate _when people don't do as I say. Only _one person_ can get away with that.

**Uh oh.**

-And that person... _it's not you._

**That's a bad sign. You've made her angry. Be thankful that you are not corporeal, she's just grabbed her favorite...spoon. Yes a spoon. Last time when she said that spoons were great weapons, she was **_**dead serious**_**.**

**And she's creative when it comes to her oh so beloved spoon... I'll show ya how she uses that later.**

-Ok. I'm a resourceful person- she says waving the spoon in front of you, her eyes malisius- if you want to keep your eyes in their rightful places...

**Poor woman... she's forgotten something**.

-... you don't have eyes. You don't have a body...

**...and she has just realized that little detail.**

-And you are not leaving.

_**Bingo!**_

**-** I'm threatening a ghost...with a spoon- she shakes her head, looking at her spoon- I'm ridiculous. Hey! Isn't that what you want?- she asks you with a cheerful tone- Some entertainment? I've done something really stupid. Stupid is fun- she states- TA DA! So, there you had tonight's entertainment- she says relieved- You can leave.

**This was interesting enough?**

**Nah.**

**You stay in her room.**

-You won't leave. Ok, You win. I won't finish the joke nor tell you about that. The Joker is good at doing that, I'm just very _eloquent_ and _dramatic_. A good actress. He's the comedy. I'm the drama. That's the way it works.

**Well, that's something. No, she won't tell you about the joke—she's right, she is not good at jokes. But she can say a good monologue.**

**Or make a heck of a dramatic scene when she need****s to do it... I'll never stop saying it: Her husband, **_**poor guy.**_

**I know,**** a monologue is not as good enough as a joke.**

**But maybe...she can say something interesting.**

**-**Today I'm talking about obsession. You are stalking us, so you may be obsessed with us? I don't know. But I feel like talking about that particular issue today.

.**..maybe not. But if she approaches this in the right way... she may say something good enough.**

-Sooo, _obsession._ People, I mean _normal_ people, makes it sound like something bad, something sick, twisted. But they don't realize...that they are living with obsession every single day since the very minute they were born. It's natural. It comes with being a _normal_ human being. Because that's the truth, everybody is obsessed with something. And _normal_ people...they usually call that "_love"._ It seems that the word "_obsession_" doesn't sound as good as "love". It's much better to hear "_I love you_" than "_I'm obsessed with you_". But is just a matter of word choice. Deep down, it's the same. _Just _the same. Shakeaspeare, my good, old and _dead_ friend would say:_ "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet?". _You can call it whatever you want, but obsession is just that, no matter if you want to make it sound nice by calling it _love._

**It will be interesting. She will talk about The Joker and Harley.**

**Maybe even about her own husband.**

-Let me make a clear example. There, you have Harley, having sex with the man she loves. She is happy, I can assure you that. But...she is his slave. He does what he wants with her. If he says _"jump_" she asks _"how high, puddin?"._ He beats her, kicks her out at least once a month, and she always comes back when he calls her. Sometimes, if he forgets to call her, she begs him to let her in again. Like a dog. And I can assure you that one kiss from his mouth is worth all the pain and humiliation of the world for her.

Another clear example? My so called husband. He thinks he can control me, he can't. Actually, he's just a female version of Harley, but at least he's... well, intelligent and interesting. I can have a good time with him talking about books, and if I ask him whatever I want, he'll do it without complains. Actually, he let's himself to be beaten almost to death for me... but I'm a good person and saved him. Now I'm just waiting for him to... – she smiles malisiously- recover and bring him back home.

**Now she is more relaxed. She takes out another cigarette, lights it and sits in her bed.**

-The Joker owns Harley. But it's not because she's _stupid,_ no, not at all. She's a psychiatrist. That, let me tell you, takes years of study. Not only that, she was good enough to get _the Joker's case_. So, she is an intelligent person.

**Now she smirks and crooks her head to the left.**

-But she has one little problem. She's _in love_-what I call _obsessed_. So obsessed that she became _blind._ When she got obsessed with Jay over there, she gave herself to him in a silver plate, her body, her soul, her mind. She gave him power over her, because she can't stand to be apart from him. She would die of sadness one day when he gets tired of her. I know for sure that when that happens, she'll kill herself. She'll commit suicide. I know it, it's obvious. She can't live without him, without her owner. She is his slave and she doesn't plan to leave. She doesn't want _freedom._ She wants _him_.

And my husband... well, he's afraid of be left alone. As long as I'm around and he knows for sure I'm still alive, he's happy. Doesn't mind where he is, he's happy if he knows I'm safe. He's in some twisted way my slave. He's obsessed with me, but he knows "for sure" that I wont leave him. But he's afraid of me commiting suicide if he's not around... I guess my act was too convincing and he started to think that I'm actually suicidal when I'm far from that.

Two or three tears and he's licking my shoes as if he were a lapdog, asking me to please not leave him alone.

The point is, that when you become obsessed with something, you give that object, that person, _power_. It depends of the level of your obsession. You become a slave to it. Slave of everything you love. And then normal society makes rules to protect allll those things people love. From your house and your money to your children and family. _Thousands of rules._ And when someone breaks one rule...all the society condemns you. But you just dared to get some freedom. To not be obsessed. To not be deluded. That's all you did.

**She gets up of the bed, combs her hair with her free hand and smiles.**

-And so here we are. Three people that broke The Rules, living in a warehouse. We are not obsessed with anything. We don't care about rules: we've broken almost all of them…and we did it for _fun_. We killed, we stole, we kidnapped, and we don't even have a clear target. Everything that moves is our possible target. We don't care, we just want to have _fun_. Just the three of us.

**But...**

...But Harley...even if she is closer to freedom than most people are, she still has One Rule: She is still slave to someone...The Joker. So, she is not as free as she thinks. She is not his equal. And that's why he gets…bored of her. She does as she is told and she never asks why.

Just like any of our goons. Just like any of them. And yet…she is not as disposable as them. She is special, because she is more intelligent than any other goon that works for us. She has an specific purpose to our little...organization. She's a doctor, and we can't just hire a doctor, we need a doctor who is loyal to truly take care of us. _She has our lives in her hands just for that and she doesn't realize_.That's why after five years she is still alive. Because in some way we need her and it would be hard to get a _replacement._ That's why we make her feel like she belongs to us…

_But she doesn't._

She isn't _one of us_, but neither one _of them_. She is stuck in the middle of the road. She won't break free, she doesn't have the intention of doing it. She has potential. But she doesn't want to use it. That would break her _One Itty Bitty Rule_.

The Joker and I... we are not like the rest of the people. We are different. We don't get obsessed over anything. We don't get attached to the point of obsession.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that we are not capable of caring or love. In fact, I believe that we are the only people that understand the _true _meaning of love in the whole world. You see... there are certain things we care about, even love. He certainly loves a fight with The Batman. He loves it. But...contrary to what he makes him think...he can actually live without him, he won't die if one day the guy decides to hang up the cape and never come back. He'll move on and have fun with any other… _he can find something else_. He won't die. He is not _obsessed _with the idea of a fight with him, so he's not the Batman's slave.

And me...well, I love blackmail. Just love it. I love to see someone desperate trying to get what I want, even if it's ridiculous and unreachable, in record time. I love to see someone begging me not to tell, not to hurt them, not to kill them. Everybody has a secret…and I probably know it. At least guess it.

I have certain love for my husband, but I don't love him as a wife, more like a friend. He's an interesting person, we can hold a nice conversation once in a while, and I like feeling loved. That's why he's not dead and I saved him. I.. Well, I rather not think about it because I'll get crazy.

**Her husband... she doesn****'t want to admit she actually has feelings for him. It's a complicated issue for her...**

**She prefers thinking she has no feelings whatsoever... lie, self delutional. She has feelings.. but she will never admit it.**

Everybody has something to hide from the rest of the world. I even know who the Batman is. But I don't go there because I respect that the Joker is having fun with Bruce Wayne. He knows, but we don't want to scare him, so we pretend not to know. But I think he's intelligent enough to have figured out that we know.

And why are we living together? Because we love each other. But we are free. If one day he dies, I'll know how to live without him. And viceversa. I can even live with the fact that other woman is having sex with him in this very moment and I don't mind. Not at all. He's not mine. And I'm not his. We are free. We are equals. And that's why... _we love each other._ Why we _can_ love each other.

**Calling that relationship love is blasphemy. Seriously... if those two loved each other... it's been years since that happened.**

So, there. _Real love makes you free._ You are happy when you have it but you don't need it to live. You can overcome fear of loss, you can overcome jealousy, you can overcome sadness.

If one day the object of your love's gone forever...you can accept it. And move one. You are happy, always happy.

You become _fearless._ You become _invincible._

On the other hand...Obsession only makes you a slave, it chains you to the object you love. You can't live without it and you'll die when you lose it. You will feel pain. And sadness. It will be hard to recover from that. You may recover, but not without pain. Obsession...makes you miserable. And if your obsession is deep enough, _like Harley's_... it may kill you.

When the Joker says that he smiles all the time and he means it, it's the truth. It's not just a Glasgow smile. It's a symbol. He is happy all the time. So am I.

So, you can say that we are the happiest people in earth. Freedom. _Real freedom_. That's what it takes to make Heaven in Hell.

**At this point she is smiling from ear to ear. She truly loves hearing her own voice, **_**even if she is fooling herself.**_

**Fredom: what a lie, she built herself a cage of made up of lies and she's locked into it along with the Joker.**

**And they threw away the key far away from their reach.**

**Now you hear a door opening, and steps. She also hears it.**

_-oh puddin, you are the greatest, that was soooo gooddd, I love you puddin, I love you soooo much!_

**The smile on her face vanishes. She rolls her eyes and lies down on her bed.**

-Ok, hmm leave me alone, Harley. I have important things to do.

_-But M__istah J-!_

**You can hear his hand slap against her face. After a brief moment of silence, you can hear a door closing slowly and a faint cry.**

**She smiles and turns her face to you again.**

-Anyway, there you have the Joker _SuperStar_. In person. Go and haunt _him_. I need some sleep.

**I know you want to go and see him, that's why you came here anyway. But this is enough for today. It will be much funnier if you **_**see **_**the joke rather than hear it. It will not be the same joke he was telling you the other day, but I can assure you it will be much **_**funnier.**_

**Don't worry, you'll get the chance to hear the rest of it... **_**someday**_**. ****But not soon. Not yet.**

**They certainly talk a lot about chaos and slavery... they talk too much for their own good. As if they can control them. **_**They can't.**_

**They think they know how Chaos works... they have no idea. They may know more than most mortals... but they're still that: mortals.**

**Not like me, not like us, the ones who live up here...**

**Chaos... she's what I call a real bitch. I wouldn****'t mess up too bad with her. Not in a million years...**

**Let them see how Chaos truly works... and you can witness it just having fun.**** Go get popcorn to watch this "movie". **

**For them... it will be their personal hell.**

New second chapter! I didnt chage it too much, but I'll be updating once a day a new chapter. The following chapters will chage a little, but not the plot itself. I'll give Harley more space and hopefully make it funnier (and more dramatic)

Thanks for the reviews! If you're a new reader, please leave a review and tell me what you think about it. If you've been reading this, tell me what you think about the new additions, I hope I'm making it better^^

Nezzie (who's a little depressive... so help me out and leave a review to cheer me up :P)


	3. Little Black Book

**Welcome again. **

**I just realized I've been talking to you lately and never introduced myself properly. Sorry about that. **

**You can refer me as…Male Narrator. **

**For you, I'm only a shadow walking by your side. My face it's blurred to you, I'm faceless. You can hear my voice, that's all you need to know about me.  
My mission is to show you around and to guide you to understand the joke. And to see it. As The Joker told you last time, this joke has to be seen, not told. You wouldn't understand in any other way. **

**So here you are. **

**This time we're in Harley's room. **

**She's sleeping, hugging her pillow. Her eyes are sore from crying. You might remember that a few hours ago, she was with The Joker in his private room, he had his fun, used her as he pleased and then kicked her out. She refused to be treated that way, as if she were a tool, and she got slapped. **

**Poor girl, she feels miserable and rejected, and sincerely I don't blame her. It's horrible how he treats her sometimes. But it's worse that she lets him do it and always forgives him, her mind always makes up a reason for his actions. In her mind, he's always right, no matter what he does. **

**The worst part? When she's beaten, she feels it's her fault. **

**Poor girl, so intelligent, beautiful with such a promising future she decided to throw to the garbage for a man that doesn't love anything nor anyone but himself.**

**She adores him. In some respects, he's her God. **

**She gave u****p her life for him-but as Allie The Bitch told you, she can't live without him, she would die of sadness. **

**That woman, even if most of her so called monologue was self delusion into thinking she's happy... she was right when talking about Harley. Sad**** as it is, The Bitch was right.**

**Harley deserves better than being here... **

**...but she choose this in free will, and these are the consequences. **

**I know, it's not too entertaining just watching a woman sleeping. But that's exactly why you are here right now, and not when she's fully awake. **

**We're going into her mind, into her memories. How are you going to do that? Very simple. Just touch her head. Let me remind you, as always, that you don't have a body. Right now, you are mist, lacking even a concrete shape. Last time, to them you were vaguely anthropomorphic. This time you are just the wind. A mist. Something mysterious that just appeared in her room without her even realizing it. Right now, you, a mist--the wind, blow over her head. She feels something cold, but is only for a second, not enough to wake her. **

**And here we are, standing in the middle of her mind. **

**Every human mind can be represented, taking different shapes. We can walk through them, see what we need to see. But we always have to be careful in this kind of places, always leave everything as it was. One little thing changing here... and her personality changes. **

**Now you have a human shape, and here we are, standing in the middle of her mind. **

**The shape of her mind it's a circular room filled with bookcases from the bottom to the endless roof. And when I say endless it means exactly that. If you try looking ****to the ceiling, you'll never find it. **

**The walls of this circular room are fully covered with books of any kind, color and shape, b****ut most of them, as you can see, are red. All in different shades of red: Red for lust, red for love, red for blood. Everything is red. **

**That's her subconscious, everything she has ever dreamed, thought, those little details she doesn't take too seriously or even notice in her conscious state are here. **

**Everything since the very moment she was born. **

**Isn't it funny that being the wife of the so called "agent of chaos" her mind is a place like this, so organized? **

**No, she's changed since she married him, five years ago. But not enough to be a complete different person from what she was before. This is just a statement that she's not been shaped into whatever he wants her to be: She's still an intellectual, intelligent person. A psychiatrist. **

**But she likes to hide it behind her cheerful behavior and teenage tendencies. Just an act. **

**What you see out there is not the truth: what you see here is the Real Harley Quinn. Or Harleen Quinzel. **

**You see this part? Well, this is her conscious. This one has every color, in every shade...Go ahead! Take a look at them! **

**There you have her childhood. Those are pink. Are you interested in those?  
No? I guess not. **

**Over there you have a bunch of blue books. Those are her medical and psychiatric knowledge. They are a little abandoned, but she still uses when she needs them, when she needs to remind herself she's not anyone, she's not a stupid. **

**Harley Quinn, as innocent she seems, as stupid she might act... she's a genius. **

**These**** light blue ones. Take one of them, but don't open it. Their name: "Bastard". No, no The Joker. A different person. Scratched, broken and full of blood. These are the memories of a past relationship she wants to forget, but she cant. **

**But she's someway relieved when it comes down to that person who broke her life: without him, she wouldn't have met the Joker and life ****giving the chance of revenge.**

**Revenge... it's empty happiness. She knows that, she knows she cant mend the past... but everytime she sees him she can laugh at him secretly... not aware both of them are in the same pitiful situation. **

**And then... a huge purple case. Do I have to explain what those are? I don't think I have to. Those are her memories of the Joker, of her life as Harley Quinn, Clown Princess of Crime. **

**I know you might be interested in those, but that's not exactly what I'm looking for. What I'm looking for is hidden, but it's here somewhere, it has to be in this bookcase-  
Here. A little black book. **

**Take it of the shelf, look at its name: Jack and Alicia. **

**Open it. You'll see what she saw, and how she became to be what she is. **

_Chapter one: WHY? _

He's been out for a week since I broke him out of Arkham. I can't believe I did that, I'm a fugitive now! Why did I do it?! Why?! WHY?

I'm in love.

His eyes.

-Hello. I'm Dr. Quinzel, Director of Arkham Asylum. I decided to take over your case personally, unfortunately I couldn't find anyone capable nor willing to take it. I'm sure I'll make some progress with you.

-Well...hello Beautiful.

-It would be helpful if you call me by my name, and my name is not "beautiful". As i told my, my name is Dr. Quinzel, please refer me by my name.

-But you are beautiful! Have you been told to have the most dazzling eyes and lovely face? Such a shame you're so serious... has something happened to you?

-My personal life is not to be discussed with you. It's unprofessional. And please, call me by my name.

-Which is..?

- Dr. Harleen Quinzel. If you fell more comfortable, you can always call me Harley, everyone does.

-Harley...Quinzel. Harley Quin. Harlequin. Hmm, that's just great, it seems Arkham's got good sense of humor, you like being in theme. We're two clowns in cell. I have the feeling that this is the beginning of a great joke.

-How so? Care to explain why do you see everything as a joke or a game?

- I could...but you wouldn't understand Harley-dear.

-I'm pretty sure I will, don't underestimate me.

- Of course not, doctor! Not in a million years I would underestimate Arkham's director! It's just that I don't fell like talking about that. How old are you beautiful? Always come here?

-We are talking about you Mr...

-Joker.

-I wont refer to you as a playing card, I prefer to have a name to call you by, and you certainly have one. It would be helpful for your recovery to tell me your real name.

-Yes, Joker. Sorry. The Joker.

-That's an alias, not a name. Do you have a name? A real name? Do you understand what that is?

- Of course I understand what a name is. I had one before, but that person is dead and buried. And really boring to tell the truth. So, my name is Joker, nice to meet Dr. Harlequin.

-Dr. Quinzel. If you want to be called that, it's fine. But I wont call you the Joker. I'll call you Mr. J if that's ok with you.

-Which is the difference between calling me as a playing card and a letter, sweetheart?

- I'll ignore whatever you call me. Mister J. And to answer your question, the difference is that way we have much more possibilities. You can be Joe, Jonathan, Joseph, Jack..

-Or the Joker.

-I see, Mr J. Would you care to tell me your age?

- Does it matter?

-Obviously it does, that's the reason I'm asking you.

-I'm 4 years old.

-Really? I would say that you look much older than that.

- How old are you, Dr...Harlequin?

-Dr. Quinzel. And I'm 29.

-You are young and look much younger, and they gave you my case, the Joker's case. I don't want to sound, ya know.. like a pedant, but I can tell that I'm the nuttiest nut in the nuthouse. And you're the Director of Arkham's Asylum, working in The Notorious Joker's case. Soo... does it matter how old are you, anyway? You seem to have enough brains, and I'm sure you have more degrees than the number of fingers in my hands, and as far as I know, those are hard to get... specially being young. So you're a genius, and doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Not that I'm saying I'm not a genius but anyway, you know what I'm talking about. So.. age is it really that important?

- I guess not. But you said you are 4 years old. Do you feel like a child doing mischief? Maybe that's the origin of your alias?

-I'm far too old to be a child. Nothing really surprises me anymore, no after what I saw...but I do feel like a child. And this is my playground, I'm just playing! You all happen to be in my playground... you're my puppets... but you're not a puppet, are you? No... you're a doll... not only a pretty one, but intelligent as well... Dr Quinzel... do you believe in love at first sight? Because I do... I just felt in love with a beautiful Barbie Doll... so intelligent, so pretty... if you accept, we'll go to Las Vegas and get married! NOW!

-I don't believe in love at first sight. I'll ignore the last comment.

- What if I offer you something I never told anyone? Would you at least think about it.

- I'd like to hear what you have to say, after all that's why I'm a psychiatrist. But I wont think about it, I'm sorry.

-Ahhh... that's what you say now. But i can offer you what nobody in the world can. The truth... the real nature of the universe and how it works... don't you think that with that kind of knowledge... Einstein, who's that guy?

- You don't have that knowledge.

- I don't lie... Look at my eyes...you know I'm a man of my word.

It was truth.

He had all the secrets of the universe locked in just his eyes. it was one second. Just one second.

Time is not lineal, not in his eyes. in his eyes time doesn't have rules, I could see the begriming of the universe and the last second of it, and everything in between.  
I saw myself reflected in them, like mirrors...but they didn't reflect me,They reflected the whole universe. I saw everything, I saw my whole life. I saw the everything reflected in his eyes. I saw my childhood. Every book I read. I saw my first kiss. I saw my favorite color and every shade of it. I saw all the secrets of the world hidden in his eyes.

I even saw my own death... because I knew his eyes would be my death.

I saw myself…and I saw true freedom. Not the freedom everybody talks about. I saw what's living without rules, I saw myself in his arms, I saw happiness. Real happiness. Pure bliss. And at that moment, I understood... that my life would never be the same anymore. In a second, the first second my eyes met his, I got every answer to every question ever asked by humankind. Overwhelming. I couldn't take it. It was...infinite. That's what I saw, I saw everything. EVERYTHING.

I looked away, it was too much for me. Yet in the very instant I tore my eyes from his, I forgot. I forgot everything. I never felt the same. I felt something was missing in my life. I don't know what it was…but I suspect it was that feeling. After that, normal happiness, the one we are told to long for, is just dull and never fulfilling. And from that very second, I always felt cold, as though something was...gone. I knew everything, and I forgot.

My money, my penthouse, my degrees and everything I had achieved in life suddenly seemed to be worthless. Everynight I was there, watching TV, reading a book and I felt bored, sorrow, solicitude. It was painful, like a sword stabbed into my heart, making me drown in my own blood, in my own sadness.

Everyday, I had to see him. everyday, he told me a joke. Sometimes, as stupid the joke was, it seemed there was a secret meaning in it, something us mortals cant understand, and some way he had stolen from the Gods just to tell me, his doctor, in the form of simple jokes.

Every time I could, I tried to look again for those answers. I never found them. But I know that someday, someday…I will be able to look into those brown eyes and see it all again.

Then I understood: Everything was a joke, and he wasn't a clown. I was. I was a clown, pretending and thinking myself important and above the rest of the common people when I was a nobody. And he was trying to teach me to stop behaving like a stupid and start behaving like what I truly was since the moment he had showed me the truth: A free person.

So Many rules to be followed in order to what? To die one day and be forgotten? To simply disappear in the infinite sea of time?

No. I was a free person, a real person. I wasn't a puppet controlled by rules. Not anymore. I was free, he cut my strings and and for six months treating him I refused to let go of my strings. In a single look he had cut them and set me free.  
What a waste of time, I should have broken him free before.

I couldn't see such a force of nature condemned to a straight jacket. No. He wasn't crazy. He was...wise. the wisest man on earth. He was god. He was the devil. Maybe both...

Unprofessional as it is...I fell in love, and it killed me every time I had to see him caged like a wild animal. He should be out, free, spreading his misunderstood knowledge. I wanted to learn. He was my professor, the professor that in one look back then had promised me everything. And I wanted it.  
So I broke him out.

And he looked at me again. it wasn't the same, but it was close.  
Never close those eyes, never...

He kissed me. and then...I felt true happiness for the first time in my life. I didn't see it. I felt it. And I knew...I wouldn't go back to my empty life. This was real life. His eyes.

_Chapter two: Who is she?_

He came back after a week. I'd been waiting for him for this whole week in a warehouse. It didn't feel like a warehouse, it felt like home. It wasn't the place, it was him. no matter the place, my home was him.

And then, the door was opened wide, rays of sunlight entering into this dark place. I saw him. He was not alone. She was there.

She was quite short, shorter than me. She had bright red hair, over her jaw, a complete disaster, a mess. And brown ayes. Just like his. Pale skin, too pale... some scars as a reminder of a bad case of acne during her teen days. Really skinny, fragile. Heart shaped face. She looked somewhere in her late twenties. And she was laughing. Small lips. Painted red, bright red. She had over-sized clothes. A man suit. Red and white. Much like his. First time I saw her, I could have swear she was a short man. She was not.

She was a woman.

And she was hugging him. and he was hugging her back. They behaved like two old friends. They looked at each other, she said something, I think it was "you won, you won!" and punched him in his arm, he laughed louder and told her in a sing-song voice "loser, looooooser".

His laugh. It wasn't the same, there was something different.

He was truly happy, still there was bitterness in his voice. Like something bad had happened... and I wasn't going to know what it was.

And then she noticed me. She smiled. A sincere smile...

But who was she?

-Well, hello. You must be Harley Quinn, right?

-Doctor Harleen Quinzel.

-Oh, sorry, you're right. Dr. Harleen Quinzel. I apologize. Jay's been talking about you all day long.

-I see... may I ask who are you?

-Oh sorry, how rude of me! I'm Queen of Hearts, Hearts for short. Although jay over there calls me Queenlier for some reason. Nice to meet you. I'm the Joker's associate.

-Hey, Hearts, wanna a beer?

- Shut it! You know I cant drink alcohol! And you shouldn't!

- What are you now, my mom? You shut it, bitch!

- Ok, stop it with calling me Bitch. I'd like to make a toast, if you don't mind. Dr. Quinzel?

- I think so, yes.

- A toast... for this company which is growing and the new addition to it, Dr. Quinzel. I'm really glad you're here and part of this Company, or should I say Family.

- Yes, welcome toots!

- I... I'm sorry, but which is my purpose in this company, as you said?

- You're my girlfriend... and our shrink.

- And what does she do?

- Me? Nothing really important... I manage the financial part of the company. Let's say I'm an accountant... of sorts.

_Chapter three: Confused. _

From that day... I simply wasn't sure why I was there. I didn't feel as though I belonged. It was weird. I felt...uncomfortable, out of place. Sometimes, I wanted my old life back. I wanted to be somewhere else, to be far far away from them. They were criminals. For the first time after that week alone, I realized the truth: I was living with two criminals. A sociopath, psychotic clown who murdered for fun. A terrorist. She was... I don't know exactly what she did, but I knew she was up to no good. Hearts was always working in her laptop, a smirk in her mouth. She talked a lot...about a lot of things. I don't remember everything, but I do remember her saying something about killing a woman with a spoon, puking her eyes out. She sounded so full of herself. Mr. J said that he didn't believe her.

She said she could give him a "proof"... and he made me go with him to see it. it happened in the warehouse where the army stayed. An empty room, a man tied up to a chair.

-C'mon! Do it if you can!

-Just a second, you're so impatient. I've told you for years to learn to be patient... and besides, if I do it quickly it's not the same.

And there I was standing, next to the man I love... seeing how that woman, disgusting, cold, nasty, unfeeling talked smugly to the poor man, made him cry telling him what she had done to his family without a trace of remorse. A horrible story... lies. She smiled down to him, and told him not to worry because she was just seeing how he reacted, if he had balls to belong to the organization. The man looked relieved at her and muttered "thank you".

She said he failed the exam... took a silver spoon out of her pockets and puked his eyes out smoothly, the man cries piercing my ears, her voice silent while performing the task and The Joker laughing at it.

And my cries of utter horror. I've never seen first hand such an act of cruelty... unfortunately it wouldn't be the first time.

- Hey, Queenie?

- What?

-You did that to his family right?

- Oh, you know me well. Of course I did... I just wanted him to die relieved and happy. Am I not a merciful person?

I was in shock. I couldn't believe it, she was toying with the man's eyes in her bloody hands completely cold, as if it were normal. She took a handkerchief of her pocket and cleaned her hands. Mister J laughed, and soon she joined him. they looked at me expecting me to say or do something. I laughed with them. not of happiness neither joy. I laughed at myself. How could I be so stupid? I laughed and cried at the same time. I cried at my deceased life.

Everyday, she was working in the kitchen with her laptop, never separated of it. Always, under her arm, wherever she went, she had a computer around. It didn't take a genius: she was a hacker.

I started to analyze the behavior of their employees (I don't want to say my employees because I don't want to take part of this nightmare).

Only two of them ever approached them, and most of the time, they talked to her. they seemed to be at ease with her, who often invited them to the kitchen and offered a drink while they talked.

But they never approached the Joker. They didn't dare to step close to him. they were afraid.

She was some kind of politician, always saying what people wanted to hear, respected not only by fear but also by what she offered: money. She always offered money. A briber, a blackmailer.

I was a hostage. I was not one of them, I was not a criminal. I was a stupid, naive woman who broke loose this maniac just for a look that promised me the world. I was a fool. But I couldn't leave. Not when he had me in his arms, not when he kissed me, not when we made love. Pure bliss.

Yet I was confused. Why was I here?

_Chapter three: He cheated on me. _

The title explains everything. I was told from the day she stepped into the warehouse that his room was forbidden for me until he said so. He said he needed his personal space, not used to sleep with someone everynight. I understood at the time.  
But there was another reason: Queen of Hearts, the Queen of Bitches. I don't know what pushed me to enter at night into his bedroom in the first place. I think I had decided to leave and I wanted to tell him.

But then... then I saw them under the blankets. He was sleeping on his back, and a little red head was in his chest. His arm was around her waist. And she was hugging him. they seemed happy, as if they were used to sleep together everynight.

In that moment I truly hated her. She would die. In that moment, I realized I could never, would never leave his side. And I wasn't going to share. He was mine and only mine. I broke him out of Arkham, what did she do to have his love? Why? Why was she sleeping with him? That should be me! She is a dead woman. I'll kill her, and he will be only mine! MINE!

The next morning everything was normal. Like nothing had even happened. Did they share his bed every night? Would it be more appropriate to call it "their bed"? I hated her. And as hours passed my hatred only increased until I wanted to see her blood, bright and red as her dyed, disgusting hair splattered all over the floor...

It wasn't hard to find a gun. They were all over the place and after seeing them for a three months, every day, loading guns and aiming them at random objects (and people) I figured out how to load one... and how to shoot it.

If I was living with criminals-if he was sleeping with a criminal, if he preferred a criminal - then why not become one?Maybe that way he would love me? Maybe he'd love me and only me if I could prove myself as a criminal with murder?

Should I torture her also? She certainly deserved it, and after all, he seemed to love her because she was, in some twisted way, like him.

If I became like him, like her, would he love me as much as he seemed to love her?  
Then suddenly it became too obvious, and I felt stupid. They were obviously lovers, they knew each other too well, she wasn't afraid of him, she even had the guts to start playing with him as if they were two children, two lovebirds that played together around the warehouse, betting over almost everything, laughing. The way they looked at each other... it was simply too obvious.

They were not simple lovers: They were husband and wife.

I entered her private room. I had the pleasant surprise to find her asleep. Alone. She was not with him. They didn't share the bed every night... but the did share it. Even once was enough. I cocked the gun and place it to her temple. Her eyes were wide open.

_Chapter four: Alicia and Jack. _

-You are going to die tonight Queen of Hearts. "Off with your head!"!

-Harley?

-Yes, me. I've had enough of you. Enough!

-Wait. Why do you want to kill me, I though we were friends, I...

-I'm not you friend! Stop trying to manipulate me into thinking that!

-Ok, I'm sorry Harley, you are right, you're too smart to fall into...

-Stop it with your manipulation! I know what you are trying to do!

-Ok. I'll stop. Just one question, then go ahead and pull the trigger. No problem there. I just want to know.

-Go ahead, you'll be dead in 5 minutes.

-Harley...Why? What have I done to you? I've always been ni..

-Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't see how you look at him? The way you two behave?

-What are you talking about?

-You and Mister J.

-What...? We're just associates, and we're good friends, that's all!

- Liar! You both are lovers, I saw you! Don't deny it! You were sleeping with him last night, I saw you in the same bed with him! That's what normal associates do, Your Highness?

-No, You don't understand, you're wrong!

-Don't understand what? That you are trying to take him away from me? that? I'm not stupid, Hearts! Mark my words for the rest of your life, which is a very short time: I'M NOT STUPID!

-But I thought...I thought he trusted you.... he never told you about the...scars?

-He did! He trusts me! And he loves me! He told me everything about the scars!

-If you're trying to kill me...then he didn't tell you the whole story.

I started to punch her, that woman didn't deserve a simple bullet, she deserved to be tortured. How dare she say imply he didn't trust me? She was nothing without a weapon but a mere woman, small, freakingly skinny, looking more like a terminal disease patient than a proper woman.

Why?! I am a real woman, a beautiful woman, intelligent and clever, she's nothing but a psychopath! WHY WHY WHY would he love her? he wanted a psycho, I would turn myself into a psycho if he wanted me to! I'm better, I'm prettier, I'm more intelligent, I achieved things in life! She was a nobody appearing from thin air with thinking herself important! Punches, kicks, slaps, whatever I could do, she cried for me to stop and I would never stop until I killed her with my bare hands. She defended herself as she could, she grabbed a glass of water, I was faster than her and crashed her hand, breaking her fingers in the process.

That was it.

I placed the gun in her head again and whispered to her ear, while she tried not to cry out of pain.

-He told me enough! He told me how his father killed his mother in front of him, and then...that!

-_Mommy? mommy's dead_! – her voice was totally different from her usual tones. Filled with horror and confusion. What was going on?

-What are you talking about, bitch?!

I slapped her again, whatever she was trying to play at, I wasn't going to fall into her lies.

-_Oh Jack...you're always trying to save me, you're always so nice...daddy don't! Don't! JACK JACK!_ – she started shouting desperate, her eyes filled with fear. What was she trying to do? Who was Jack?

-What, what? What are you doing? Hearts?!

-_Mommy, mommy... Oh god, poor Jack, poor Jack, poor Jack..._ – she hugged her knees and started trembling. She didn't seem to mind about her broken hand. She started to sob as a child, fully crying.

-Okay, I don't understand. What are you trying to say?-

-_Jack save me! no Dad! don't do that! please, please, please don't daddy! Don't touch me don't touch there! god please save me I'll be good little girl... I don't want to! don't touch me! don't! DON'T!_ – she was terrified.

Totally terrified. I've seen people under the influence of the Scarecrow's fear gas...this was no different from that. It was as if she was having an hallucination, looking scared to death, staring at the wall. I dropped the gun, she was not afraid of it. This was something else.

-Hearts, look at me!

-_No, No No_ !- She was fully crying by now, her ayes filled with tears.

Then I realized what was happening. She was having a regression. It wasn't fake. It was real. Nobody could act that look. It was real.

-Hearts, look at me, it's not real, your dad isn't here, come on, look at me, it's Harley, do you remember me? – I tried to take her mind of whatever was scaring her so much.

What had her father done to terrify her so much? And who was Jack?

- _Ha..Harley? Who are you miss? You're so pretty, I like you hair. I'd like to be blond, like mommy.._.- she looked at me as if it was the first time. She had a big smile in her mouth. she was still afraid, trembling, but obviously feeling more secure.…then-it hit me: I wasn't talking to the manipulative bitch that tried to take the Joker from me.. I was talking to a child.

-I'm a friend. I won't hurt you..

-_Miss Harley please don't leave, please don't! He'll come and get me, I don't want daddy here, he will...please take me away, save Jack, save him please!-_ She hanged desperate on my neck and started crying all over again, begging me to save this "Jack" guy.

-Listen to me: your daddy isn't here, he can't hurt you... - I tried to calm her down. It seemed to work, she loosened her grip on me.

-_He isn't? He isn't here? But I could feel his hands all over...don't leave me alone! Protect me from him! Call the police! Before he comes here and he..._ – she was still crying, this time not totally desperate, simply sad and trying to get help. She, a criminal, was telling me to call the police. This was not an act. This was real.

-Ok, I'll stay with you. Let's talk about something else..who is Jack?

-_He tried to, he tried to stop him, but he couldn't, he..he...was late, too late, TOO LATE!_ – she shouted and started to sob in my chest

-Sweetie, come here, don't be afraid, I'll stay with you. Tell me...how old are you?- I pitied her...I forgot about her sleeping with Mister J. What had happened to her to be this way? What had triggered this awful regression?

-_Twelve, I'm twelve ma'am. _

-Ok, tell me about your daddy, what happened sweetie?

-He _came back home from the office, dad works a lot, a lot , a lot..._ –now she was sitting straight, her eyes wide open. Like she was under the influence of hypnosis.

-Ok, so you daddy came back from the office. What happened then?

- _I...I'm alone in the kitchen. I got home late from school... but I got an A in math! and I'm so happy! I tell him "Look dad! I got an A! I got an A!" _

-You... were happy about that?

-_Yeah... I've been always bad at math, and I want daddy to be proud of me...he said that if I got an A he'd buy me a red dress... the one I saw that day in the mall... _

-What happened?

-_He...he is...not ok. Weird. I ask him about the dress. "Daddy will you buy it for me?" And he comes to me and he tells me that I'm really cheerful and that I smile too much...and that I'm annoying. But he also tells I'm really pretty when my little eyes shine from happiness... _

-Go on, sweetie.

-_He tells me I have mommy's eyes...and then he...he kisses me, he tells me "I love you" I love daddy too...I was wearing a white dress that afternoon...he picked me up and threw me to the table...he touched my legs and... I don't like what he's doing, no... I tell him to let go, I try to break free... he slaps he and my head hurts, he crashes my head against the table, over and over again, he lifts my dress and ...NOOOOO, please daddy! , No don't do it, don't don't! I'll be a good girl, but no, PLEASE, NO!!!!- _

Raped. She had been raped by her father. Oh God.

-Calm down calm down...I understand...

-_His hands...his hands...I...I..._ – she trembled and started to touch her mouth, her neck...her legs..

-It's ok, I understand, what happened next?

-_Jack...he, he comes back from school. _

-Who is Jack sweetie?

-_My older brother. And he is tall... he has brown eyes like mine!- _now she sounded happy and stopped trembling. She smiled like a little girl, exactly like a little girl. She obviously loved her brother, she sounded so happy talking about him.- _People say that we look alike! But I don't think so! I'm much prettier! And he's so nice, so nice, he tries to stop him, he tries to._-Now she was like before. Empty. -_Dad stops. He hits me hard in the head. It hurts so much...everywhere...so much... He...lets me out. I fall on the table, near a knife...its shiny...like a mirror..I have a bruise in my forehead and it's really ugly. Jack is very angry. And serious. He tries to beat him, he tries to punch him and kick him and.. but dad...he is really big, really big... bigger than him. And then, he takes out a knife from the kitchen and he tells him..."why so serious, son?" _

-God... –Had that man killed his own son after raping her daughter? Poor children...

-_He tells him that and then he says "let's put a smile in that face!" Jack screams real loud... and there is a lot of blood, red, everything's red, so red, red... _

-Ok sweetie. What did you do? Did you call the police? – Oh, please tell me you called the police and they saved your brother, please say that..

-_He screams very loud, very loud, hurting my ears, and then... I don't remember._

-Do you remember what happened next?

_-No? _

-Try to remember what happened next, sweetie. Please try

-_I..I have blood in my hands...and the knife it's red...its not shiny anymore...and daddy's not breathing, he doesn't move. I run to Jack...he is in the corner...in the floor...and I have a knife, and his shirt...is all red, all red, everything so red..._ – had she killed her father? This was getting worse...and worse...

-What happened to Jack? Did he die? Did you call the police?

-_No, he...he... takes care of me, he's my angel, he'll always be my angel, always smiling...!-_ now she smiled from ear to ear and her eyes shone from happiness. Her brother had died. She said he was "her angel". The poor boy had died trying to defend her. This story was the sickest thing I had ever heard. If she killed her father...that guy really deserved it.

-Shh, I understand sweetie, I understand... – I hugged her. I don't think any psychiatric theory or drug that would ever help her…. And if there is one...I'm sure it doesn't cover a situation quite like this.

-_Do you? I...I_...Harley, what happened? – her voice changed. Not a child anymore. A grown up woman

-Queen of Hearts?

-Yeah? Didn't you have a gun in my head? That's right! You were going to kill me. Go ahead!- She said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Didn't she...?

-No, No... do you remember the last minutes?

-No? Did you hit me on the head? And you broke my hand! It hurts a lot! If you're going to kill me do it fast, would you? Or is this one of those things where you want me to suffer first?, if you want to prove yourself as a torturer do it good, punches and kicks... I don't even remember why you want to kill me..

-No, you told me about your brother... – I felt exhausted.. emotionally tired. I entered the room wanting to kill her, and now I only wanted to tell her that everything would be alright...even if i couldn't mend the past.

-I told you what? No! Please don't tell me I had a regression again!- she sounded totally surprised and embarrassed.

-You told me about your father... – my voice felt empty. I felt empty. And guilty.

-Oh fuck! I hate when I have those black outs, I behave like a little kid, hahaha and you're a psychiatrist! So what did I say? No, let me guess: I screamed a lot for daddy to let me go, right? Or just screamed, or what was it this time? – she was furious, livid and it seemed like she was going to cry again.

-You told me...you told me that...

-That son of a bitch raped me, you can figure that out, right?....Fuck, Harley, what did you do? My head! It hurts like hell! Fuck! why the hell did you have to ask about that? and you broke my hand! What the hell did I do to you? Are you crazy?

-I asked you a few questions...I...

-Harley, will you ever stop trying to analyze people? Ok, sure it was interesting, right? I guess I can't blame you.

-You told me about Jack...

-Who? What are you talking about?-she showed a little and nervous smile. A tic. It was a tic.

-Jack, he tried to save you...

-Oh, fuck! Why did you have to ask me about that?

-You were calling for him, and you...

-Ok. It would be really stupid to hide this at this point. Last thing I remember is you telling me that you saw me sleeping with Jay and you were angry about it. I respect you, and you deserve a good explanation for this. Did you figure out who Jack is?

-He was your brother...did he die?

-In some twisted way, we both died that day.

-You're trying to tell me...to tell me that... – she was saying that...?

-The Joker is my brother. That's why sometimes I sleep near him, after that...I slept next to him for years, I think until I turned 20. I know it's stupid, but it makes me feel safe. I have these regressions of that day sometimes... and I need my "security blanket" if you want to call it that. I feel so dumb! I cant believe I had a breakdown in front of you! – she sounded so embarrassed, oh God poor girl, poor Joker, this was terrible...

-It's ok, I won't tell anything, he'll never find out that you...

-No, he will. I'll tell him. I guess he wanted to tell you the truth... but he decided to replace his sister for our mother... It's embarrassing for him not to... have saved me. He's my brother. He deserves to know. And I'll only say this once...he loves you. HE LOVES YOU. And if you hurt him, if you leave, I'll hunt you down. I'll find you and you'll ask me to kill you because I'll make you suffer unimaginably. That's a promise, and like my brother, I'm a woman of my word. I've seen a lot women in his bed. A LOT. And they never survived the night. NEVER. You're here after three months 'cause he loves you. I see it in his eyes. I know my own brother, we've always been together except those few months we were apart-during his stay in your little asylum. I was planing to break him out. You did it first. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate that. I do...But that doesn't mean that I'll forgive you if you hurt him. I WONT. So...DO...YOU...LOVE..HIM?

-Yes, I love him! I just realized how much I do. He, tried to save you, I'm so sorry that you both...

- DO YOU LOVE HIM?!

-Yes!

-ARE YOU SURE? ARE . YOU . SURE?!

-YES POSITIVE. I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM! – I started crying. how not to love a man who tried to do the impossible to save his little sister? How not to love a man who was so wise...?

- That's my girl! Good to hear that, really. You know.. we've been together all our lives, I know him. And I never saw that look in his eyes, the way he looks at you. He may act cold, and he may..hurt you physically, he just doesn't know...how to treat a lady, how to express his feelings, all he knows is violence. Like me, the difference is that he has a reminder of that day, and he's furious...he hates himself. He hates that he couldn't save me that day-

I know he loves you back, I was so afraid that you would leave, I don't think he could stand that, he would probably kill you, and then kill himself. I don't want to see my brother that way. I don't want him to die.

-I didn't' know...

-Of course not, he's that way. I think you need to hear what happened next. Do you want to know?

-I'd rather not. I think this is enough for today.

-There you are again, talking like a good psychiatrist. You never stop doing that, do you?

-I don't know....

-It's ok. But remember, we are family, you don't need to pretend. You are free here. Excuse me, but I need to talk to... Ja.. the Joker, I don't feel like sleeping alone tonight. I hope you can understand.. plus, I need to mend my hand... I'll say I had an accident, so he doesn't turn to you and... beats you.

-Thanks.. I'm sorry Hearts, I didn't know...

- It's ok, not like the first time I break my hand.. it's just one finger actually, the rest are small pieces of glasses, don't worry..

-Just one question?

-Tell me.

-What's your real name?

-Was. I stopped being that person a long time ago. But it was Alicia.

-Jack...and Alicia.

-Never say those names ever again. They're dead. Now...it's just The Joker and Queen of Hearts. He always liked to make pranks, always a funny guy... such a great sense of humor! And I always loved the "Alice" books, although I think I'd prefer to be the one saying "off with their heads" than the one having her head in a plate.

-I see...I'll, I'll never bring up the subject again.

-It's OK, I'll tell him that you know. I'll make sure he doesn't get angry at you for this.

-Thanks.

-Welcome to the family, Harley _dear_.- she smiled sadly at me, and closed the door.

_The end _

**Now, if you turn the last page of this little book, you'll find a letter. ****It's not sealed. **

**Go ahead, open it. **

"_In this letter I give myself to a cause worthy of my life. My mind, soul and body. I give my life to them. To save them from themselves.  
They didn't have a mother to protect them from the outside world. Nobody to go to when their lives broke apart. Nobody there to save them when her father raped her and cut his face wide open. Nobody there when they were kicked, beaten and abused...  
Everybody see them as monsters...but they are not. They're just children of the streets, children of violence and chaos. Society deserves what it's getting from these poor children. Did someone come to their rescue during her rape? Only her brother. And he got scarred for the rest of his life. Nobody came to help them. Nobody tried. Nobody cared.  
They lost themselves in madness. In chaos. But they were just kids trying to play. I accept that they are highly intelligent, skilled and dangerous kids. Sometimes down-right deadly. They don't know the meaning of empathy, sympathy or love. They don't understand.  
Nobody taught them. I will at least try.  
They are only playing, just children trying to have some fun. But they think that "fun" is equal to blood, fire, and manipulation. Their fun consists of sadism. But I know that deep down, they are just misguided children trying to regain their childhood. That's all.  
We just happen to be in their playground, and for them we're simply...dolls. And they just happen to be playing with gun powder, gasoline, and knives. With fire. With people's hearts, fears and secrets mixed with bullets. People's souls.  
But they're just children. Gotham's their playground.  
Tonight, I saw beyond their facade. I saw beyond the criminal and the terrorist.  
They are just two siblings, two little children terrified of reality, defending themselves from a world that's shown it's back to them. They are scared and hanging on each other for dear life, just trying not to die. Nobody ever set any limits, any rules, any guidelines...  
They need a real mother. I'll provide for them.  
They need a teacher. I don't care-I'll do the dirty job.  
I can't change their past, but I'll try to give them a better future...  
And I love him. I love him because he tried to save her. Because he tried to do what's right. And he couldn't. I love him because he's wise. He'll teach me to be free and happy, and I'll teach him to love and care in return. I'll be his mother...and his wife. He's my little Puddin', I'll give him all the love that he deserves....And I'll never leave him. No matter what. It's a promise.  
__Harley Quinn"_

**Interesting? Hopefully, yes. **

**But remember, this is part of her conscious. **

**Let me show you a little part of the subconscious. Not too much, it doesn't really make much sense. I won't let you read too much, sorry. I would be a terrible guide to lose you to this madness. The subconscious is a dark place, unintelligible, impossible to understand. Here, you'll find everything. Everything since the her first minute on this earth. It's huge, I know. Impressive how much the human mind can store...  
Right here. See that big, deep-red book? Take it from the shelf. Be careful, it's a little...slippery. Open it and try to read the first paragraphs as fast as possible before it melts. **

**Read it. It's handwritten in red...ink. **

_Title: Queen of Hearts _

"- oh! And the Oscar for best actress in the role of a little traumatized girl goes to...QUEEN OF HEARTS! HAHAHAHAHA....  
I hate her, off with her head, I hate her, off with her head, I hate her, off with her head, I hate her off with her head, I hate her, off with her head, I hate her, off with her head, I hate her, off with her head, I hate her, off with her head...."

**Close it-quickly. You won't find anything different there...or in any of the other books named "Queen of Hearts." **

**At least not in her subconscious. **

**Let's go, that's all you needed to see here. **

**Now you are standing by her side. She's still asleep. You've been here for just... two seconds. **

**Oh, sorry, I forgot! **

**You should have used gloves, I forgot to tell you! ****How incredibly stupid of me! **

**That last book was made of blood. Thick, warm, red blood. **

**A Queen's blood.**

AN: I didnt change this chapter too much. I would aprecciate if you let me know if you like the smcall changed I made, and if you're a new reader if you like the story so far.

Next chapter will be The Joker's mind.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to those who left reviews ^^

PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS! (They make my day, and I'm still depressed)


	4. Presenting Me, Me, and Me

**And here you are again. I've been expecting you, **_**ya know**_**? I got **_**bored**_**.  
I have people to talk to, my neighbors, a couple of friends... family... but we get bored sometimes. Not like I'm a **_**workaholic**_** or something, but I like being a "**_**tourist guide"**_** and I happen to like these kind of places, and most of the times I **_**love**_** my job... but coming here alone is boring...**

**Well, around here is not **_**that**_** boring, but I'm a friendly person, outgoing, and I like to talk to someone. Walking through this avenue alone is **_**not**_** the same... **

**Anyway. **

**Look around. We're on a big avenue, full of theatres with large, brilliantly colorful neon advertisements and posters. Some are simply **_**huge**_**. And it's a endless avenue...**_**literally endless**_**. Just try to glimpse the horizon. **_**See**_**? It told you it was **_**endless**_**. **

**And **_**empty**_**. Just you and me. There's nobody to hurt you... I wont do it, and we're the only people around. But don't fool yourself into thinking it's **_**safe**_** just because **_**nobody**_** can hurt you. This place is still **_**dangerous**_**. If you're not careful...you may loose yourself to **_**madness**_**. **

**If possible, try not to read many of the advertisements, or go off to see just any play without asking me first. Let me show you around. I'm your guide, remember? I know... it's terribly dark and only illuminated by the neon ads.  
But don't be afraid, don't. I'm here with you and I know what I'm doing... **_**or so I think...**_

**I have to tell you that in this place…the sun never rises. This is an eternal night at the theatre with bright, colorful things everywhere. Can you guess **_**where**_** you are? **

**This, my friend, **_**is the conscious part of the Joker's mind. **_

_**What**_**? Did you really expect it to be a **_**library**_**, like Harley's mind? Of course **_**not**_**! His mind is entertaining, full of colors and comedic plays. They represent all his life—**_**all of it.**_

**But in fact, we're here to see one **_**very**_** particular play. **

**I'll show you around. Look at the advertisements. Do you notice something **_**out of place**_**? **

**That's right...these plays are only cast by one actor: **_**The Joker**_**. The only actor ever presented in these plays...is **_**himself**_**. No exceptions... It doesn't matter if it's Harvey Dent, if it's Hearts, Harley, Jonathan Crane or even the Batman himself...in his conscious mind, there's only one person that actually matters. And that person...**_**is him.**_

**Of course...you can always tell who is who in his plays from their costumes...  
Yes, I know, even if it's strange, frightening, or chaotic...it's still a beautiful place. Stunning. So colorful, and the weather is just perfect and so alluring. It's like his imagination. Infinite. **

**I know this is unprofessional to admit as your guide…but sometimes, when I have no one to show around, I get bored and I come here to see the plays by myself. And I've found out something very interesting about them…**_**about him.**_** The plays are never the same twice. **_**Never**_**. His mind changes, morphs, evolves, and the drama changes from show to show with him. But even though his mind changes, he always manages to get the same point across, **_**somehow…**_

**I know...it's full of mirrors. **_**Mirrors**_**... they hold a significance for him. Try to look at yourself in one and tell me what you see. **

**Yes, Its a little disturbing. It's full of mirrors and no matter what, they always reflect an image of him. **

**He's a **_**narcissist**_**. He loves himself above all things. **

**Don't bother waving your hand, or doing anything, really. The mirror will reflect your movements but that won't change the fact that the reflection is only him wearing your clothes. **

**I've tried before. That's **_**one**_** of the **_**three**_** things that **_**never**_** change in this place. **

**One: It's always a big avenue, I've never seen his mind taking a different shape. **

**The second is **_**this**_**. **

**And the third...**_**you're about to find out. **_

_**Oh, Fuck!**_** We're late! I was supposed to show you a particular play and we lost track of time walking around. I'm so stupid sometimes! I think my Boss is going to fire me if I keep making mistakes like this… well, maybe not fire me, but he can punish me... and heck, I wont go **_**down there**_** again! **

**To be realistic, if he decides something, maybe it will only be to revoke my license to get into people's minds. **

**Last time I didn't told you about the books made of blood, and you stained your hands with it. Now we've missed...probably the first act of the play.  
An****d I cant find it! Where is it? This guy's mind might be beautiful but it's a hell of a **_**headache**_**! I can't find that play, it's moved since last time I was here! **

**Run, or we're going to miss the entire show! **

**Here. Read this billboard:**

"_**LiL SiS BiG LiE" presenting Me, Queen of Hearts and Harleen Quinzel. Romantic comedy.**_

**And now it's a **_**romantic comedy**_**?...just **_**great**_**. Sometimes I wonder why he can't remember the things as they actually happened instead of making things up. Too creative. As I said...his mind is always changing. Well, at least the conscious part. The subconscious is always the same thing, over and over again... **

**Open the door. It's completely dark . Hurry, Don't worry, I know where we're going to sit. In the first row. Don't be nervous about the weird sounds you're hearing right now…it's just the public. And those are supposed to be laughs.  
I wont bother and tell you they're people, because those... are hardly people. More like creatures, maybe the way he sees the world: Everybody's faceless... and their only purpose it's to laugh at his jokes, to praise him. They don't have any concrete voice, any concrete sex and are entirely faceless… with the exception of their carved smiles. **

**Well, if you want something to laugh, they need mouths, right? **

**These... things don't even have eyes... they're poked out. That's his way to **_**"honor and recognize"**_** Hearts in his mind. Well, to be more accurate, it's his way to say that people don't even deserve to watch him, being superior to them. Their wounds are wide open, that's the reason of the floor covered in blood. see? Every step we take blood stains our feet... under the blood there's supposed to be a green carpet. **

**Don't freak out. They are harmless, their only purpose is to laugh at his jokes, that's all. Just don't look at them when they laugh—it's horrendous. Disturbing even for me. This man's imagi****nation is infinite...and terrible. **

**Remember we're talking about the guy who's creative enough to kill with a pencil... and the list of things he's used by now to kill people is rather long. He even killed with mop. A simple mop. **

**Even using common weapons he manages to do it in a strange way... there are other uses to a simple gun... sometimes he doesn't even need a gun, just the bullets... for example, choking someone with them, making them swallow the, or sometimes stabbing them through their eyes. **

**He talked about a toothbrush last time, right...? I wouldn't be that surprised if he manages to kill someone with one. **

**C'mere. Sit in this armchair. And as you can feel right now, it's actually quite comfortable. **

**The show has already started. It's The Joker and Hearts sitting in a bed, having an argument. **

-_Sooooo_...that's the best story you could come up with? – he pouts, not very impressed and folding his arms grumpily.

-It's worth an Oscar for best movie! And best actress of course! – She states, both furious and offended-

**This is the exception I was talking about before. ****Her. Of course it's not her, it's himself wearing a wig resembling her short hair, red and messy and her clothes. But her voice... It's truly **_**hers**_**. It's not him trying to imitate her. It's her voice. I can only guess this is because hers is the only voice besides his own that he has ever really listened to. **

**The only person besides himself whose opinion he takes **_**seriously**_**... **

**But then again... he has a **_**reason**_** for her to be important in his life. **

**Without her, there's no Joker, and without Joker, there's no Hearts. **

**Ok, I think I know what this part is about. This is when she told him about that night Harley tried to kill her and she came up with the "**_**siblings**_**" story. **

**Oh, how rude of me! I'll keep quiet because you've never seen this play before-no, first I have something important to tell you: I really haven't, either. Well, not as a romantic comedy. **

-It would have been much easier to kill her and get a new doctor. I'm not going to play the part of dear older brother protecting his lil sis- he says shaking his head and giggling- It won't work, you're not exactly a _damsel in distress_.... – he laughs out loud at the prospect- and I sure as Hell am not a _knight in shining armor!_

-You are now– She tells him in a smug voice- _For her anyway_

-You're trying to say _that_...

-I made her say that she loves you! My act was convincing enough to make her believe the story. Now we're two abused children _gone mad_. She got all sad and guilty about it, she even apologized! And now she's sworn to protect us. I had to tell her that_ you loved her but... _– she mumbles the last part shrinking away, afraid of his reaction-

-You did _WHAT_?- He shouts, too surprised to be incensed- No, no, no and NO! I won't go around buying flowers, or, or chocolate, and take her to see some movie… I definitely WILL NOT get married.- Here he stops, panting, and an evil grin slowly stretches over his face. - But...if she's willing to make a "_super-fantastic trio_" I guess I could buy her a _chocolate_...- his smile grows at the prospect of that happening. She raises her eyebrow mockingly-

-_Suit yourself._ – she smirks - But you'll have to hire a prostitute willing to do the third part. And from the looks of the whole thing, she doesn't like to _share_

-I was talking about _you_! – he slaps her lightly in the back of her head. She mouths "ouch", and he starts giggling-

-Won't happen. First, I'm you _little sister_ now...

-C'mon, it's not like we're normal _petty citizens_ going to office. And anyway...now our relationship would be _incest_? It's just a little thing to add to our list of perversions.. – he muses to himself and starts counting with his fingers, thinking about something- Hey! Ya remember that time we role-played as _Daddy and his little girl_?

- I'll just _ignore_ the last comment. And about _incest_... I don't even want to consider what a _psychiatrist_ might think about that- She says meaningfully- And I don't want to deal with a jealous girlfriend either– She mulls. So. "_done_" – Hearts states, finally finishing her tale.

-"_So, done"-_ he imitates her- Come here, now. You're here, I'm here, this is a bed, so _let's use it_. I want some quality time – he says putting his head in her neck and starting to kiss it-

-I'm done with the story, now we have to think about what to do – she says ignoring his actions. He keeps kissing her-

-I'm not in the thinking mood and we don't plan. Let's see what we do in the morning- he says while lying her down in the bed.

-I said stop it, Jay! Or do you want me to say _"off with his head" _for real this time!- she is trying to sound furious. Trying. But she sounds more amused than angry-

-You're always saying that...and yet all my heads are still in their places! And as I said, you enjoy it_. A lot._ So stop it with the "_off with his head"_ thingy- he giggles maniacally-

-Ok, you are the greatest ever, ever, EVER? That's what you want to hear? There_. Shut up and listen-_ she rolls her eyes and sits up again. The Joker takes another deep breath, looking both angry and a little disappointed-

-Perfect, as always you say things that are _sooo_ true. I'm the greatest in the _whoooole_ world. So, _hmm_, go ahead – he says trying to ignore her as he sulks and crosses his arms-

-For all she knows, I was 12, got raped by daddy, you got home, tried to pull him away, and he gave you the scars. I was shocked and I killed him. I got her completely on our side, she will never even consider leaving us again. She's a psychiatrist, an _intelligent_ one. It's almost sure she got to the conclusion of us being not only close, but _co-dependant_. I can do _whatever_ I want, she wont kill me neither hurt me. She'll be afraid of you _killing yourself_. Play the part, and for her it will be a _fact_. So, we have a doctor working for us, she's "_in love_" with you...because I said you love her to death. You'll have to pretend to be dependant of her. If you want to beat her, _do it._ She'll be back if you say _"I'm sorry"._ And now...I'm 28, you're 32. Thinking about it we're getting old. _Sooo_.. my point is.. what did we do during all those years? We have to come up with _something_-and we have to do it _together_! I said that we've been together all our lives, and she's _smart_ enough to see through all of this if we both feed her different stories. So. That's your _homework_.- she says and lies down...giving her back to him and placing the covers over her small body- I'm going to sleep, I'm tired from this stupid "_acting_" thing. _Make me some space here._

-Well...you know I'm still _reaaaaally_ happy. Could you at least, _ya know..._ – he says hopefully, placing his hands on her hips.

-No won't happen – she says flatly- _Sorry_. However..._Harley_ will sure be thrilled to do it. Just don't talk about anything and you'll be fine. She's in my bedroom, just don't.._spill_ anything on my bed, you know I _don't_ like it – she says bitterly and with a hint of jealousy-

-_Aww,_ but that would ruin the story! You see ...."_little traumatized sister_"...- he makes quotation marks in the air-if you're so depressed now, I, as the _good brother_ I am, wouldn't leave you all alone to go to my "_girlfriend_" and dump you here alone in my bedroom where you have _sooo_ many weapons to kill yourself with. It's just _baaaaaaad_ for our alibi. See? _Hmm_?- he says in a patronizing tone, she stills gives her back to him and crosses her arms, annoyed- So we have a problem. I'm really happy. I mean reaaaally haaappy- he presses his body against her and she smiles- And you being here won't help, _not-at-all!_ This is a _single bed_, so we're sleeping _pretty close._ That's won't help _my situation_ here. You have to, _ya know..._let me _release_ my tension- he presses himself harder to her.

-_Can't you act solo?_ – she smiles amusedly, turning to him-

-Don't be such a spoil sport! – he cackles and kisses her. She starts to giggle.

**Sorry, but you're not seeing the following. Suffice to say he's gotten a lot more graphic with this scene. The Joker might think it appropriate for a **_**'Public',**_** but not me. **

**You're blind now. **

**Besides... do you really want to look at th****e Joker having sex with **_**himself**_**? **_**Ugh,**_** I still have issues just from seeing him **_**kissing**_** himself. **

**Don't be too disappointed. You have to remember that this is his interpretation-one of his many interpretations-of what happened. Because actually it didn't happen that way. She told him what she did, they had an argument about it. basically about being easier to get a new doctor instead of making up that lie. Both of them ended up mad at each other and tried to sleep. Neither of them could do it, so they stayed all night long trying to figure out a good story. **

**Then they simply got to bed and slept two hours. **

**Anyway, back to the play. **

**You just hear giggling and soft moans for a while. Then silence. **

**And suddenly, he's snoring. **

-God! stop that- Hearts hisses lowly, punching him softly in the arm and going back to sleep.

"_Now that's what I call a romantic comedy! Now folks, after seeing such a great...ahem...performance.. don't you think I should direct one or two movies? Hmm? Too bad Hollywood wouldn't hire me for anything, their loss...Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to inform all of you that Hollywood is currently on my "to blow up" list. Intermission time! 'Bomb' voyage! Same goes for Disney, I had a Alternative High School Musical with the High School blowing High Sky!... I still have that on tape. I can't believe they turned that down, I even made the kids dance Thriller and all!" _

**He's the one presenting the shows, does it surprise you at this point?  
The curtain goes down. End of the first act.**

**The whole theater laughs, and blood is spilt all over the floor, little drops tainting your face, pouring from the audience's open wounds, all their teeth are showing, mouths hanging open in a disgusting and disturbing way. The sound is so strange. It is as though they are laughing…yet at the same time, as though they are choking on their own blood. **

**Try not to pay attention to it. The second act is about to start.  
The curtain goes up again. **

**  
"Sooo, after that quality time session and sleeping soundly for a few hours, they get up and go to the living room, where Harley Quinn, the blonde beauty who happens to be the so called Doc, is waiting for them. And.... ladies and gentlemen... IT'S SHOW TIME!" **

**Now, the setting is something like the "living room" in their warehouse-the one she told you about, with the refrigerator and the television. The three of them are together on stage. "Harley" (The Joker wearing a wig resembling her hair and her doctor's clothes) is sitting in silence, her empty eyes looking directly at the Public. Hearts is in a corner with her face in her hands, breathing slowly while the Joker is searching for something in the fridge. Slowly, Hearts stands, approaches Harley, and sits right next to her. **

**  
**-Harley, come here- she whispers lowly.

-What is it, Hearts?- she answers and faces her, their heads lowered while they speak.

-Listen, I talked to him last night, he wasn't happy, but he accepted this is the easiest way to live all together- Hearts said sounding somewhat relieved- He doesn't want you away, so he'll talk to you. He decided to tell you what happened after that- she sounds a little anxious- Just don't interrupt him, he might get violent and know I won't be able to take him off you if it happens- she says with a hint of fake fear in her voice- just be careful. Keep your mind open and try not no get freaked out, don't get sentimental, you know he doesn't like pity- she orders, still sounding afraid- That's all, I'll go to my room, in case that you really need help shout as loud as you can and I'll do my best- she promises while squeezing Harley's hand- And remember my promise, don't leave or I'll fulfill it. Understood? – That's said in a more menacing voice, yet still so sugary and sweet.

-Yes, thank you so much hearts- says Harley, a little scared and yet grateful for Heart's advice.

-Welcome. Just remember not to get too physical unless he asks for it. Ok?

-Alright.

**The joker closes the fridge with a slam and walks in their direction. At the same instant he slams the fridges door Hearts gets off the couch and heads to the "door", essentially backstage. **

-Ok, he's coming, I'll be in my room. Don't hesitate, please shout if you need help.- she says quickly- Bye

-Hearts, where are you going? – he grabs her by the arm.

**This is not a romantic comedy anymore. It****'s drama, and probably will go a little violent. Well, that's more realistic. **

-To my room, stuff to do – she answers him with a nervous grin and a happy tone.

-Ok, ya' know I'm still mad at you. riiiight? – he asks acidly- you couldn't just cry and cry instead of go parroting all our lives? Hmm? – he says with some sarcasm in his voice while grabbing her by her short hair and piercing her with his eyes, livid. Harley sobs. He hears her and dumps Hearts to the floor as she takes a deep breath. He kneels to her side and tells her in a false tone of secrecy, very, very much aware that they are still in hearing range.- Ya know what, I'm mad at the wrong person, you can't control that...- He says with some sincere pity, while Hearts starts sobbing and some tears run trough her cheeks- Now...if here our doc... – he turns his face to Harley, with a terrifying smile.

**Told ya.**

-No! It's not her fault!. Try to understand her- Hearts begs- don't hurt her please, she's a good girl. I'll leave you alone, Joker. Behave like gentleman and don't go...violent. You know you'll regret it- cries Hearts from the floor. Harley is crying silent and shocked. She can't move.

- What? You're implying that you'll hurt me? Ha! I could kill you any time I wanted to!– he mocks her and kicks her lightly in the stomach. She stops crying and stares him angrily.

-You wouldn't and I'm not talking about hurting you! I know you lov- she is interrupted by the Joker with a slap across her face.

-Ok, go, I don't wanna see you until tomorrow if possible, dear sis. You gave away our...alibi – he smiles and pets her head.

-We're family, now, Joker! Please don't hurt her- she begs him again, with a pathetic yet menacing tone.

-Don't get in my way. Why don't you just go to Wonderland or some other country far far away, your highness? Hmm?- he snaps sarcastically while pointing at the "door" (backstage)-I'll hurt her and kick her and kill her if I feel like it! – he shouts at her while Harley's eyes grow wide.

-What, huh? You're like daddy now?- she says sarcastically, standing in front of him, looking directly into his eyes- COME HERE AND HIT ME IF YOU HAVE THE BALLS!-she shouts, slapping him. Hard.

**He blinks in surprise. She smirks. The tension grows in the scene as they continue staring at each other. **

-Joker... – the silence is interrupted by Harley's shy voice.

-WHAT NOW? – he shouts menacingly at her-

-You don't have to tell me... I don't need to know, I'll stay here and take care of you.- she tries to tell him somehow, begging him to stop the sudden violence- I know I'm not a criminal, that I don't have any use, I can barely load a gun!- she says desperately- But I will mend your wounds or give any medication she needs for her... regressions - she says with a hint of hope in her voice.

-I'm leaving- says Hearts heading to the "door"- remember what I told you Harley...I don't wanna see you hurt- she says with some false pity-...too badly.- she ends her statement in a hush Harley fails to hear.

**The Joker sits in the couch right next to Harley and takes her hands in his. She is still crying. he gives her a kiss on the cheek and she lifts her head, looking at him with eyes brimming with tears. **

-I'm going to tell you, Harley-dear. I feel it's the right thing to do – he says in a somewhat sincere tone- Just listen and don't interrupt right? This is a one time opportunity! – he says the former with false excitement- You'll talk to a dead person, to...Jack – he lifts his eyebrows- I won't make jokes about this, I'll tell you as it happened and you just shut up until I say "done". Ok?- He is still sincere and comprehensive.

-Yeah. – she answers, frightened of his mood swings-

Now he stands up, faces the Public and commences his story while Harley listens carefully with rapt attention.

**He will make it a monologue—excellent. His monologues are simply fantastic, he's really dramatic, and even if most of it will be lies...he is truly great with words. We can only hope they will be the same ones that he told Harley that morning.**

"When...that happened our father was dead and...Alicia was in shock, half-naked, a total disaster. You see... nobody came, cause we were rich children. Daddy was..ya' know...a CEO of a this big company. Won't tell you which one. Sorry. Thing is we were rich.

**Good news. It's exactly as it happened**.

**Now it starts raining gold coins onto the stage and he starts pacing while chewing his scars from the inside, a nervous tic. The coins disappear soundlessly before touching the wooden stage floor. He likes that too... something surrealistic. And I have to say I like it as well. It reminds me a little of his subconscious. **

...Our mother had died five years before...that. She killed herself, that bitch.. dear daddy cheated on her, slapped her and abused her. Too much for her to bear, I think. She just took a bunch of pills and never woke up, never thinking about us, her children would be left at his mercy.

**He stops right before Harley, his eyes angry and emotive. He takes a deep breath, then continues. **

It passed as an accident, 'cause daaaaddy made sure nobody would ever ask anything about it. And then he turned on us. With Alicia he wasn't physical but he did push her a lot, extreme mental abuse if you want it that. Always telling her that she was ugly, stupid, and blah blah. All lies. She wasn't and she's not. And regarding me, well, he just kicked me around every time he could and we never told anyone. Nobody would believe it, so we just stayed silent and stayed together as much as we could…

**Even if the anger is still present in his eyes...his voice starts to sound a little sadder if you listen carefully. But mainly, he's furious. It seems like he's seeing it all over again. even if it never happened. He is a terrific and talented actor. And that's not his imagination or his unrealistic view of himself. It's really true. Probably…at this moment, he really believes it himself… **

I couldn't save her that day, he was drunk and gave these to me. We screamed and screamed and screamed and nobody came, because we lived in this... ya' know...manor. so we were alone that day, we didn't have a lot of people working in the house. When he started cutting my face, he did it fast. It wasn't even a minute or two until Alicia reacted and it was all over, just grabbed a knife and started stabbing, stabbing, stabbing and then she just….passed out…

His eyes are empty from the non-existent memory and his voice has gone dull. He closes his eyes and reopens them again. He looks so full of blind fury at this non-existent man, but at the same time...fiercely happy at his death.  
and we called people not to come the following day because we would go on a "family trip". Ya' see. I could barely speak after...that and then was when Alicia started , ya know... to make people believe anything, She had to be the one calling the servants.

She did well, after that.

He talks about that with a hint of pride in his voice, like a parent telling a friend that his child got an A promedium.

I was 16, they would separate us…so as soon as we could we made this stupid "plan". We knew that if we went to the Police they would take her away from me to some rehabilitation or mental health institution. So, we just opened all the black boxes we had, took all the money, some clothes, cleaned the scene and opened the gas.

I..weelll... didn't know how to make a proper bomb at the time, but I did know the basics of something blowing up, and of course... how to make a flicker at distance, sooo...We walked away, left the body and I triggered the impromptu 'bomb.'

**He smirks at the memory. Well, not a true memory, but rather the mental image of a big manor consumed by flames. **

The manor went high sky. We got to Gotham by train and bus.

I didn't finish school, neither did she, but I did want her to have some education... something to do, to support herself. So I took her to this guy to teach her something with computers. At the time it was over-rated to know how to handle one. I found her a hacker. She learned fast, in meantime we ran out of money and I got a job in the mob as a hit-man. Time passed, she learned a lot, learned more than our hacker…..and then the traitor decides that he wants money not to turn us to the police, wants a cut of the cash she's making… So I killed him in front of her.

**His voice reveals some regret while his face remains serious. That's what Harley sees. He turns his head to The Public and winks in complicity. **

But I didn't know. She didn't tell me. They were lovers. And she didn't like that. Not one bit. She cried a lot, she even said she hated me...maybe that's why she doesn't want to have a boy friend or anything…I think she really did love him. But she understood, or grew to,. and that very day we decided that we couldn't go around living as two little orphans. No. NO. There would always be someone like him around, just waiting to take advantage of us…

**He is cracking his fists and smirking. Now he grins. **

So she hacked the government system and erased everything about the manor explosion, our birth certificates, everything. She left it blank. Since it had happened six years ago, nobody really remembered. Nobody really cared. By then it was a cold case, a simple boom in a manor that went wrong and killed the owner. For the records, we never existed, they didn't have children...and yet there were people who knew who we were and the company still existed. So we invented the Joker and Queen of hearts personas, she traced those people, and I killed them one by one until nobody was left. She hacked the company's system, made up ghost companies around the globe under a different alias, and we bought the whole thing piece by piece. Later, we made the company broke. Kaput. Gone.

**He smiles from ear to ear, thinking about their "beginning" as criminals, as if it were a memory to be cherished. **

And finally, there was the problem of our private school. So she made up this whole "graduate party" for my class and hers in two different places at the same time. When we knew everyone was in, we just blew up the buildings. Dead. Gone.

**He starts laughing at the memory of that, two buildings full of happy people being blown up**-

Those...were the first acts of "terrorism" committed by the Joker. She decided to work from the shadows...it would help if one of us didn't have such a recognizable face, and, as you can guess, she was the natural choice. Just a plain Jane. And sooo we disappeared as Jack and Alicia.

**He states matter of factly, at the same time making a mock reference to the Public. **

In those years I became fascinated with bombs since we blew up the manor, so I learned by myself, from some Internet manual she got, but mostly...some things she download from the CIA itself...!

He giggles maniacally about that. The irony of the whole thing: a terrorist learning from the CIA itself how to make a bomb…

**Now his voice becomes more serious, more furious. **

**All those years...all those years and it seemed that just for our little decisions our lives were ruined. Chaos. That's what our lives were made of. **

**He starts talking with a rushing excitement.**

If she just hadn't told dad she got an A, if he didn't promise her that goddamned red dress, if I didn't stop by to get some ice-cream and come home late, if dear mommy hadn't taken enough pills...maybe we would be just two little spoiled children, even two little normal children, and not two criminals. But you know what? We love it. We. Love. It. We have real fun, we do things and we show the world how chaos works.  
When we say we're the Agents of Chaos…we mean it.

We're not children of some fat office guy and a stupid Blondie who didn't stand up for herself. NO. We're children of Chaos. As everybody is. We're not children of simple human beings, we're the offspring of decisions that have affected our entire lives...CHAOS... and simple CHANCE, sometimes we don't get to choose, we don't make any decision but simply stumble into something that will affect our lives, if not thousands more!

Everybody denies that. They think they are in control and the only decisions that matter are the big ones...but nooo. That's not how it works! If I hadn't stooped for a stupid ice cream...I may have saved her! Or maybe not, maybe we would be both dead and dad in jail, or out if he bribed the judge, or buried our bodies in the backyard! See? Little decisions!

**He says, raising his hand in the air with an exultant voice. Like Hearts and obsession, he certainly does love to talk about chaos. **

We're not special. We just happen to acknowledge that we are the children of chaos and chance, unlike everybody else living their lives like they're in control. We're just demonstrating this truth, playing, having our fun, and giving the world some of its own medicine…

Because of course a good rich man wouldn't abuse his wife, rape his daughter and try to kill his son. That's what poor people do, right? Maybe a middle class guy… But a rich guy?! Of course not! NO! It's a lie!

Why would anyone care what happened to us? Did anyone care enough come to our rescue? Of course not! These people can witness murder on their way to work and never stop if it meant they would be late. Everyone goes around parroting about how much they would like to end poverty in whatever third world country they can think of, world peace, end world hunger and blah blah blah, just lies. Deep down inside, what everyone really wants is just a slice of the cake. It's all about the money. And they're fooling themselves if they think they're doing what they do for any other reason. Lies. It's all lies.

**He says bitterly, yet still wearing that same satisfied smile. **

A lie. That's what anyone and everyone does and tries to keep it quiet. They lie. We don't. We want to show the truth: I want to show the violence that this world has lived with through all history from the very beginning, she wants to show how manipulative everybody can be in order to get their own selfish whims, how everybody hides something for the purpose of the "Greater Good."

And ya know what...? The only person I told, well, we told that story is you. And I won't kill you. and she won't kill you either. We're...fond to you. Even though you just said that you're "useless to our organization".

-So, wanna be of good use? Hmmm? –he walks to her and smiles.

-I'd like to help you, I told you I can... –she offers hopefully, but he slaps her hard across the face. She stops.

-NO! You know what, Harley-dear...- he says in a conspiring tone-I'll teach you to be like us, free... – He looks at the roof with a wide smile plastered across his face- You know what? Remember what I told you first time we met?- he asks hopefully.

-Two clowns in a cell...good joke?- she asks, not too convinced of her memory.

-Yeah! That's right! – he claps his hands and strokes her head- The very moment you broke me out, I realized that you're like us, you want freedom, not money, not fame,, but freedom. You're unique, like us! That why I....I... – He starts to continue, but hesitates.

-Tell me- she whispers in a hushed voice, lowering her head-

- I love you- He kneels in front of her and places his finger smoothly in her chin, lifting it. He places a small kiss in her mouth, and she smiles happily- I won't tell you that ever again, so cherish it – he states in a bitter tone, and she lowers her head again, still smiling, but time sadly.

-Ok...Puddin- she says shyly

-What did you call me? – he asks, lifting an eyebrow in mock distaste.

-I'm sorry! I called you Puddin, it won't happen again Joker, I...- she tries to amend her mistake, afraid of losing him, afraid of keeping him, begging him not to hurt her.

-It's ok, I like it. Puddin.- He mutters to himself, contemplating. - Ha! Its funny, keep doing it and I'll give ya a cookie, sweetie- He smiles and winks at her. She smiles again.

-Ok puddin. –she replies excitedly.

-Ya know...everybody knows of "The Joker",acting solo…my henchmen, the mob, the public, but me as the head of a business, as the only owner? - he muses to himself, letting the Public and Harley hear. Slowly he turns his head back to her.

-Nah, come to think of it, this is a family business. I want everybody to know we're a happy little family, just like anyone else! I have a sister, I have a …wife. Who knows? Maybe one day….children?- he beams.

- I'll introduce you both to the public! Get yourself a good costume- He stands up and point his gloved finger to her- ...you'll need it! We're meeting our friends from the mob. I'm going to let you and Hearts ask for the other half!- He exclaims, taking a hasty bow and making mock reverence to the public.

-Mob, get ready to meet my lovely and demented little family! Hahahaa....

**The curtain comes down. **

**We're going to see that next time....from Hearts' memories. I know you're a little disappointed right now and that you didn't see the complete play, I'm really sorry. I know you really want to see how the Joker introduces his "little family" to the mob and how they ask for the other half... but it will be more detailed from her memories than from his. **

**I know...you also want to stay here a little longer and see other plays...**

Ok, you know what? I'll show you a little of his subconscious, just to compensate—I don't want you to think I'm holding out on you. You probably won't understand today...but you'll understand later when you get the Joke.  
Here, turn your back. It's dark and only illuminated by the stars and the full moon. You can barely see your own hands, I know. All the theaters here are falling down and don't have any of the bright, neon ads or billboards...and it's raining, raining something with a dark pink shade or perhaps light red... you choose. 

**Taste it. Put your wet fingers in your mouth. It tastes bitter, slightly metallic... do you recognize what it is?**

**Or can you simply guess? I think you can. I think you know that those are tears mixed with blood. **

**In his subconscious, in this contradictorily infinite yet crowded alley full of small theatres it's always raining heavily...although the sky is clear of any cloud. I know what you're thinking, that doesn't make sense. But it doesn't have to make sense. Not here. I don't think Freud would be able to understand this madness if he were to step here. But you have this privilege, yet as always, you have to be careful, extremely careful...**

Here: this little theatre. Come here, we'll see the show. **The name of the play? **

"_**Wake up...?"**_

**There are no armchairs, no lamps, no Public. This play is not supposed to be seen by anyone, not even him. So we're standing here, alone. **

**The curtain, green, half burned and fully soaked draws slowly upwards as a sudden shower of bloody tears splash to the wooden floor. **

**But there's no presentation. **

**And not a one of the actors on stage are The Joker. In fact there's only one actor...the other person **_**isn't exactly acting.**_** They are not dressed like the Joker, no suit, no bright colors,…and most importantly, not wearing makeup...They are just normal, every day looking people. **

**There is a young man, kneeling and sobbing. He holds a woman's corpse in his arms. She's pregnant and he's crying desperately, trying to wake her up. She has long, light brown hair... she was beaten to death, her eyes wide open, and her mouth bleeding, cut in different parts of her body. Her black dress cut everywhere to shreds, some cigarette burnt in her cheeks. **

-...Why? Why? Why did you have to go there, baby? Why the hell did you go, why did you leave me alone? _Look at me_... look at me! How dare you to die on me like this... we were going to have a _family_... this is all _my_ fault, why the hell did I have to do everything _so wrong_! And it's also _your_ fault, why did you _lie_ to me? WHY? Please.. _wake up.. wake up..._ I cant live without you... I don't _want_ to live without you... I'm a _mess_... it's your fault for leaving me _alone_!

You _shouldn't_ have gone! I'll kill them all, _tear them to pieces_...! God, _I love you so much_ and you had to go to the damn meeting! In the middle of the _night_, in _The Narrows?_ What the _hell_ were you thinking?

It doesn't matter, _we'll solve it_.. we'll solve it _soon_... we'll have a _family_, we'll have our little girl... you remember how we were going to name her? Caitlin... Catherine...Catalina... _something like that_...

Ok... I'll solve it, _don't worry_, I'll make it all _better_! I don't know _how_... but _I'll solve it,_ no matter what...! In any other world, we have a _family_, right? We're happy... in any other world _but_ this one...

**He stays silent, in deep though, caressing her face lovingly. **

Hey! _Let's dance!_ How about _tango_...?

**He stands up, still holding the woman's corpse and tries to dance. She's limp, like a broken doll... soon he stops and look at her confused... like not understanding why she's not dancing along with him. **

Why are you _like this..?_ You _love_ to dance... answer me baby, don't leave _like this..._ please _answer me_... you cant die, _you don't have the right to leave me alone!_ WAKE UP! _Please_... I don't care anymore if we're _poor_... _or if you're ill_... please _wake up?_ _Smile a little for me..?_ Something...? C'mon. Talk to me, _I miss you_... I'll wait here until you wake up, _I don't care_... we'll have our _little girl_.... you remember the _little dress_ we bough...? And she'll be _like you_... I love you.. _please don't leave me alone..._

**He yells at her, demanding, crying and sobbing harder, as if he just realized he's holding a one sided conversation, that the woman in his arms is dead **

_THAT'S IT!_ WAKE UP NOW! _WAKE UP!_ I NEED YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME! WHAT THE HELL AM I'M SUPPOSED TO DO _WITHOUT_ YOU? _HMM?_

Wake up... _just wake up_... we used to be happy until I ruined everything! It's my fault, _forgive me.._ just.... I cant breath! _I cant breath!_ WAKE UP!

**He starts choking in his own blood, looking desperate and holding her closer to him. **

**Then he kisses her and regains his breath. And he seems to forget she's dead again, trying to wake her up, whispering in her dead ear, kissing it briefly. **

You're getting... _cold_.. you're _cold_ baby, maybe you have _low blood pressure_? Do you want me to get you a _blanket_...? What about a piece of _chocolate_...? Talk to me... _please_... talk to me... _wake up...?_

**He continues rambling nonsense, holding her body in his arms, still crying, his brown eyes lost in both sorrow and madness. Now it starts to rain inside the building as well. As always in his subconscious, it is raining tears and blood...Yet it tastes less bitter. More tears than blood this time. **

**Ok, let's get out of here before we drown in tears and blood. Well, not drown because you can't drown without lungs…but it's still disgusting to contemplate. And as insubstantial as you are, if you're not careful, you'll drown not in tears and blood... but in madness **

**It's too sad... but you had to see this anytime soon, so why not now? Anyway, we're out of here. Seeing...this breaks my heart. Just a bunch of things I find sad... and this is definitely one of them. **

**Don't worry, I'll make up for the angst scene. Next time we'll see their meeting with the Mob, and I can assure you that's funny! And when I say funny, you can trust me! **

**Confession time? I'm the Muse Of Comedy... but everybody calls me Male Narrator, so yu can refer me as Male... or Macho Man! haha! **

**Uh-Oh. The Boss got mad at me... I'll come back in a minute... hopefully...  
If you don't see me around... goodbye, nice to meet ya! **

A/N: Hello again! I hope you liked this chapter, and I'm eager to get your opinions about it. Thanks to those who reviewd this story so far, and also to eose who put me in their alerts... (I'd like to read what you think about it ^^)

To my old readers... I'll post new chapters, I mean... completely new. Next time will be the "wedding" of harley and The Joker... I hope I do it good.

Maybe I'll not be able to rewrite a chapter per day, I'm (yeah, again) going to another dance competition, and I wont have time.. and I have to make my outfits... which are too complicated. But if we get the podium again...I hope we do (or at least something)

Anyeay, Please leave reviews and tell me what you think about this... thing

Nezzie (who's tired and in need of some sleep...)


	5. Unusual Wedding

_**Welcome.**_** Let me introduce myself. I'm **_**Female Narrator**_** also known as the **_**Muse of Drama.**_

**Male Narrator, your **_**previous**_** guide, has been suspended for a while due **_**several mistakes**_**, such as the blood-made books in Harley's mind, and you not getting to see the complete play plus showing you his subconscious. **

**He might deny it, but in fact he wanted you to stain your hands in blood for **_**dramatic purpose**_**. Which is completely **_**stupid**_** if you ask **_**me**_**, after all he doesn't know how to make **_**proper drama**_**. He tried to imitate **_**me**_** and failed **_**miserably**_**. He will never be as good as I am, he's not even good for **_**Comedy**_** and he wants to take over **_**my**_** job? That man mind is **_**deranged**_** if he thinks he can do something better than **_**I do.**_

**And then again, everytime he steps into the Joker's mind he cant avoid **_**losing**_** his time... I don't even understand **_**why**_** he likes that place **_**so much. **_

**And about his subconscious... that was his worst mistake. He shouldn't have showed you to see that. It's basically to spoil "**_**The Joke", **_**as Joker calls it. **

**But to be truth... ****I rather like the way Queen of Hearts calls the same phenomena: **_**Garden of Forking Paths. **_

**The Boss wasn't happy, but as you see... this is story in ranked under **_**"Comedy/Drama"...**_** meaning: We'll **_**both**_** tell this story. He only got his license revoked to enter **_**people's minds**_**, but he didn't lose his job as a **_**Guide**_**. After all, this story has it's **_**funny side**_**, and I'm not **_**that**_** good at Comedy, although I can do it well. I'll admit I'm not as funny as him. I'm a **_**serious person**_** most of the time. **

**Enough explanation. **

**Let's watch some films I have here. **

**You must be asking something between the lines of: **_**What? Now I'm here to see movies, simple movies? **_

_**Not exactly. **_

**That's why I brought you **_**here**_** directly. **

_**Welcome to Queen of Heart's mind. **_

**Look around. It is not as **_**random**_** nor **_**changing**_** as the Joker's mind, yet neither as **_**organized**_** as Harley's. But this...is definitely **_**more dangerous**_** than the Joker's mind. Because the Joker at least has the **_**decency**_** to divide his mind between "**_**conscious**_**" and "**_**subconscious**_**" **

_**She doesn't. **_

**You can step into something ugly if you don't know this place **_**very well.**_** You're lucky to have **_**me**_** as you guide here, I know this place perfectly, **_**every small detail.**_

**Hearts doesn't get lost here only because she does know herself very well, and although her life is based upon **_**lies**_**, she hasn't lost sense of **_**reality**_** and she keeps in mind her life is **_**an act**_**, a complete **_**fabrication**_**. **

_**So many lies**_** make people to be afraid of something: **_**The truth to be reveled**_**. When she started to lie **_**so**_** much, she developed **_**paranoia**_**, which has reached to her **_**mind's shape**_**. Therefore, her mind is built like a trap: it doesn't seem dangerous or threatening in any way…. but it's a maze-**_**a literal labyrinth**_**- and you can lose yourself forever in her lies.**

**She hides and protects **_**the truth**_** as her most valued **_**treasure**_**. **

**If you start wondering and opening things without knowing **_**exactly**_** what you're looking for and **_**where**_** it is...you might step into something really **_**disturbing**_**. And believe me, she doesn't need a **_**drop of blood**_** to drive someone mad. She only needs her voice, a few images, good acting. She might have to include **_**certain objects**_** for her lies to be plausible, but mostly **_**that's all.**_

**If you were to step here **_**alone**_**, yes, you **_**should**_** be afraid. But **_**I'm**_** here with you. We will only see the **_**truth**_**, not her lies or any other thing. Usually, when acting, she creates memories and different stories of her life, as the Joker creates different versions of **_**"how I got my scars".**_

**And if you step in one of those "**_**other versions**_**" of her life, and let me tell you that all of them as disturbing as the lie she told Harley, you'll en up exactly **_**like her**_**: doing as she says and feeling she is a **_**poor tortured soul**_**. She isn't. She likes to **_**pretend**_** that she is a **_**victim of society**_**, that's **_**not**_** her fault, that she has **_**issues**_** (I'm not **_**denying**_** she has them, obviously she **_**has**_** issues). And she is **_**terribly**_** convincing. That's what she does after all, that's her expertise: **_**brainwashing.**_** Only **_**she**_** knows the complete truth, **_**uncensored**_**. The Joker **_**might**_** think he knows the complete truth... but **_**no**_**, even if he knows m**_**ost of the truth**_**, there's something she **_**hides**_** from **_**him**_**. And that's her worst fear: **

_**Him finding out about it. **_

**And so here you are, alone in a dark room only illuminated by a **_**huge TV screen**_**. When I say **_**huge**_**...**_**I mean it**_**. I'm not **_**exaggerating**_** or being **_**overly dramatic**_**. Right now it only shows an image of Disney's version of Alice in Wonderland, dressed up in red like the Queen of Hearts, with tears in her eyes…but she's **_**smirking**_**. And holding a dead woman's head by her long, light brown hair. **

**It represents her **_**bittersweet victory.**_

**Look around. It holds some **_**strange beauty**_**.... as in the the Joker's mind, it's full of **_**mirrors**_**, but they hold **_**another meaning**_** to her. Of course she's **_**narcissist**_**. But her narcissism is **_**different**_** from the joker's, who finds himself **_**handsome**_** and alluring even with his scars, along with his **_**intelligence**_**. **

**She doesn't mind about her aspect, or at least that's what she **_**tries**_** to think: She's still a **_**woman**_**, and in that department she's **_**easily**_** defeated by Harley. And deep down, she's **_**pained**_** for it, one of the **_**multiple reasons**_** to smile warmly at her while thinking on various **_**torture methods**_** to make her suffer and **_**disappear**_** from her life. **

**But she **_**cant**_** get rid of her... so she prefers to **_**keep her close**_**. **

"**Keep your friends **_**close**_** and your enemies **_**closer**_**" **

**She's a **_**narcissist**_** when it comes down to her **_**skills**_**, tactics, careful personality observation and then using that knowledge properly, and she doesn't hesitate in using **_**any means**_** to get what she wants, the way she wants. **

"_**The End Justify The M**__**eans" **_

**As you can see, she's basically a **_**Machiavellian**_** person. **

**T****he room is only lit by the TV light, the **_**shattered**_** mirrors reflecting themselves **_**infinitely...**_

**W****e were talking about the **_**another**_** meaning of the glasses here, **_**right**_**? Well, she has **_**three**_** meanings for it. Her narcissism, which I already explained, and then... have you stopped to wonder why the mirrors are shattered, **_**broken**_**? **

**It's someway **_**ironic**_**... as you might know, her real name is **_**Alicia**_**, Allie. Which is Alice in **_**Spanish**_**... like **_**the books**_**. And for her **_**"Through The Looking Glass" **_**doesn't mean to **_**walk through it**_**... more like **_**breaking**_** it, brute force, **_**against the rules**_** and walk to the **_**"other side" **_

**She broke them, nobody gave her **_**permission**_** to walk through it, and she didn't do it **_**peacefully.**_

**Anyway, **_**enough**_**. I told you we were here to **_**watch the movies**_**. I have them separated from the rest, I don't want any nasty surprises. If you haven't noticed by now, I try to be as **_**organized**_** as I can. **

**Though The Looking G****lass...she likes to be **_**in theme**_**. You see...if you actually touch the mirrors and dare to walk trough the glasses, you'll find an infinite collections of dvd's. Those are her memories and her subconscious. **

**I really hope you find the movies I selected **_**interesting.**_

**Here, three movies: "Unusual Wedding", "Business Woman" and one of her subconscious which I hope you will find interesting: "**_**Barbie Girl"**_

**Ok, let's put the in first. **_**The Wedding. **_

**It shows the Joker and her having breakfast while sitting on a chair. The Joker is eating a piece of chocolate cake and his coffee, with his legs on the table and looking as if he were relaxed. **_**He isn't.**_** She has a cup of tea in her hands and seems calm, collected, **_**cold**_**. But if you watch carefully, you'll see that she feels awkward, **_**nervous**_** in some way. She is siting straight and behaving like a **_**true lady**_**. It seems so **_**out of character**_** for her. As you read from Harley's books, she wears a white and red suit. Its really oversized, it could **_**easily**_** fit The Joker. And she has such a small frame-and she is actually **_**quite short**_**. Her hair...is simply a **_**disaster**_**. Looks like she cut it herself with a switchblade, which happens to be the **_**truth**_**. And the **_**color**_**...she is not a natural red head, and the shade of red she dyes it is an **_**eyesore**_**. She dyes it herself, with her **_**bare hands**_**. Look at her hands, **_**her nails**_**. They have a red taint. That's the dye that she never bothers to **_**wash away**_**...she wants it to look like **_**blood**_** on purpose. I think it's actually **_**stupid**_**, as she frequently uses red gloves, but she likes that anyway. **

**S****he wants to look **_**terrifying**_** in some way…**_**and she's not**_**. If she would ever bother to use normal clothes, instead of **_**desecrating**_** herself to match her current occupation as a **_**terrorist**_**, she would actually look more like a **_**ballerina**_** than a **_**criminal**_**. **

**Both of them are in silence. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. She is stiff, and he tries to look relaxed, but for some reason doesn't look natural: he is chewing his scars from the inside—and that, let me tell you, is a **_**tic**_**. He only does that when he's **_**nervous**_**. **

-_Joker_- she calls him, putting her cup down in the table. Her voice sounds like a teacher trying to get a student's attention

-What now, aren't ya satisfied with the _boyfriend_ thing?- he growls at her, putting his legs down and punching the table, careful not be loud enough to wake up Harley- _Hmm?_ What, do ya want me to get her a _teddy bear_ now? Sometimes I do hate ya, _you know...-_ he says mumbles the last sentence, more to himself than her.

-No, _you see..._ –she starts to explain with a cold voice, not affected by his outburst- she still feels _out of place_. She is not _that_ sure that you love her. You're not behaving like you _should_ to make her _believe_ so. I don't blame you, our lives have become _harder_... and we still need her to be with us, _unfortunately_. If we don't do _something_, if _you_ don't do something... _she will leave_. Killing her is _not_ an option. We have to _chain_ her- she says bitterly, disgusted- You can dump a _boyfriend_, it's not really a _strong bond_. - she rises an eyebrow and smirks, almost imperceptible, but still there-...however... _Holy Matrimony_... – she states meaningfully - ... a _divorce_ is a little bit _harder_ to get though

-Are you, _Your Highness_, trying to tell me that I have to _marry the Doc_?- he widens his eyes and looks at her in disbelief- Little _me_ married and in a _church_?- he nearly shouts, trying not to raise his voice too much- Dontcha think the _holy water_ will begin to _boil_ when I step in?- he cocks his head and says with a patronizing and rather sarcastic tone.

-Yes, _exactly_.-she grins- That's why you _wont_ get married in a _church_.

-_Oh yeah_? _Sooo_, where are we going to get _married_? And I though _Queenie_ here was _intelligent_- he says sarcastically, with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

-Of course I'm intelligent, _you know that_- she says smugly- Raise your hand the one going to the _literal rabbit hole_ found in the _Internet_!- she raises her hand mockingly with a smirk, holding it in the air for a second. Then her smirk vanishes from her face and drops her hand in the table soundly.

-Raise your hand to the one _winning the game_!- he says in a sing sang voice, walking to her with a hand in the air mockingly. Then he grabs her by her chin and puts her spoon in her cheek, close to her eye.

**She only smirks and stares him right in his eyes. **

- That little trick is _mine_, do I have to put a _copyright_ on it?- she asks nonplussed. He presses the spoon harder against her eye in a threatening way - Point taken, _dear brother_ - she says softly with just a hint of fear as he removes the spoon from her face, still holding her chin.

-About the _so called game_... I could have easily win _that_... have you ever wondered _why_ you won and not _me_?- she smiles maliciously. He opens his mouth to answer and she interrupts him - Anyway, _you'll get married_.- she says flatly

-That kind of sounds like an _order_ to me- he says in a fake sweet tome caressing her chin-...last time I checked you were _not_ my boss!- he nearly shouts dumping her roughly from the chair and sitting in it. She looks at him in disbelief from the floor, clearly irritated. He looks down to her with a grin. She stands up proudly. Now she is the one looking down to him.

- So take it as an advice from a _wiser_ person – she tells him coldly- Your fault for keeping her _alive_. Now these are the _consequences_ – she says while, closing the gap between them, almost touching his ear with her mouth- There are _certain puppets_ you need to _dispose_ of before they start _pulling the strings down_. Cut the strings, a_ll of them._.. if not they end up controlling _you_. That's _Harley_- she states- It's not that... _difficult_- she hesitates in the last word- You have to _dispose_ of them before you become _weak_ and _attached_ to them.

-I saw _potential_ working for us, we would need a _doctor_ eventually- he explains bitterly, for some reason sounding sad- And when she put herself in my hands I said: _why not?_

-That's _something_ that will haunt us _forever_, isn't it?- she sighs sadly- I didn't see anything _special_ about her...- she tells him sitting in the table- you probably saw her _long legs and big boobs_. And she wouldn't have fallen in love with _me_ anyway- she muses more for herself than for him- I'm _good_, but I don't have the _looks_ to make a straight woman go _lesbian_- she smirks and makes a gesture with her hand trying to prove her point: _I'm not beautiful. _

-Yeah, _right-_ He lifts an eyebrow sarcastically- As if that _small detail _hasn't stopped ya _before..._

- You're right- she tells him proudly- not that I've had problems _seducing_ a woman before, anyway...- she says with a smug tone and a little smirk.

-That's _something_ I've been wanting to ask you for a while... why _not_ Leland, _what did you do? _

- I _did_ use dear _ol' Joan Leland_, but I would _never_... even I have some _limits_- she answers, suddenly uncomfortable- Anyway, _as always_, our conversation is _off track_- she sighs - _yet again_-

-Could you _puh-lease_ start talking like a _normal person_?- he says sarcastically at her "professor" tone and rolls his eyes.

-Last time I checked "_normal"_ is not even in our dictionary, _dear brother_.- she relaxes her tone, sitting more loosely.

-Stop it with the _dear brother_ thingy, _yeah_?- he says annoyed.

-_Get used to it..._ and pretend we're siblings in a... _spiritual sense_, dear brother- she sighs again. He stares at her seriously- As I was saying, she _needs_ to believe she's your _wife_ in a way. Obviously it wont involve any _legal process_, because we're not exactly _legal_ – she explains- Legally, _you don't exist_, legally, _I'm dead_, and legally, she's a _wanted criminal_- she grins- even if she hasn't done anything. _Yet_. "_We're all mad here"_- she starts laughing maniacally, trying to cover the sound with her hand. He stares at her nowhere close to being amused. She stops suddenly- So thing is you're going to _marry her_- Her voice drips with the irony- I'll play the part of the _priest-_

-That's ridiculous even for _clowns_- he is both annoyed and furious. He starts counting with his fingers holding his hand in front of her face, staring at her lividly- First act: two lovers, a _Psychotic Clown_ an a _Lewis Carol character_ _gone bad_ pretend to be siblings to keep their Doc in their side. Second act: The Clown has to say the Doc that he –ugh- _loves her_ and name her his "_girlfriend_". Third act: the Doc and the Clown getting married by a Lewis carol's character who happens to be the _Clown's mistress_ and pretends to be his _sister_!- He shouts between his teeth, trying not to wake up Harley.

- So now my rank is your "_mistress_"?- she complains, her apparently cold, with a hint of anger and sadness- _Funny world._

**They always share these moment alone in the mornings. They wake up an hour earlier than Harley. Usually to **_**talk**_**, only in **_**few occasions**_** the show the **_**true nature**_** of their relationship: **_**a couple**_**. For some reason they don't **_**dare**_** to show **_**love or affection**_** when **_**she**_** is in the warehouse. I don't really understand why, myself. Perhaps they don't even know themselves. It would be **_**wiser**_**-that would release their tension and Harley would **_**never**_** find out. **

- That's also your fault so _shut the fuck up_- he tells her angrily- Oh, and don't forget _allll_ of them are _psychos_ and _wanted_ _criminals_ hunted down by a _playboy dude_ that likes to _dress up as a bat at night_, punching them with his _bare hands_!- he says sarcastically and with a hint of desperation, realizing that she will get her way. He would get married to Harleen Quinzel- Not only a _good joke_, we can sell it as a _soap opera!_ This is over the top even for me!- he growls vehemently.

-If you see it that way, _yes_, it's worst than the _craziest soap opera_- she agrees- But it's _convenient_. We need to chain her _strongly_, strongly enough to keep her on our side- she says matter of factly- And don't worry, _you'll do as you please_, won't change anything for _us_, just for _her_. She'll feel _legitimized_ and that she _truly_ belongs- she explains- We'll have until _"death do you apart_" and that's something we can decide to do anytime _we want to_- she says coldly. Then she closes their faces, their noses almost touching-..._or feel like it-_ she pulls away grining smugly. He seems frustrated and angry, cracking his neck soundly.

-_Your Highness...-_ he starts sweetly- it's like you're putting a _gun_ in my hand and asking me to _pull the trigger_- he gets up out of the chair, looking down at Hearts. She looks up at him with a hint of fear. He caress her cheek with the back of his hand, closing the gap between their faces. She holds her breath and the silence in the room only makes the tension increase. Suddenly he put two fingers in her temple as if it were a gun- _On you_. _**BOOM**_!- He shouts. She stares at him and mouths "_shut up_" . He sits again in his chair.

-_Ouch_, I feel offended- she says, collecting herself and trying to sound indifferent- So, do you _agree_? It'll be a _terrific Joke_, c'mon. Promise you it will be _fun_. I even have an _idea_ to sell it to the _Fox! _

- This will be a really _fucked up_ soap opera- he sighs, annoyed- _right_?

- Indeed- she answers sadly- but we _have_ to make this. _We cant afford to lose her_-

**Now the scene changes. The Joker is sitting in the sofa, watching the news with a cold beer in his hand, drinking now and then. Harley, wearing worn, oversized jeans and an old blue t-shirt with some holes in it, is also watching, her head on his shoulder and a bored look in her face…**_**almost sad**_**. The warehouse is only lighted by the TV, shadows flickering now and then with the movements of the dumb-box. They are in silence, the only sound being the voice of the anchorman in the news. **_**Background. Filler. Irrelevant.**_

-_Harley_- the Joker speaks her name in an indifferent tone-

-_Puddin'_?- she acknowledges him cheerfully, with a bright smile in her face, lightening the dark room in some strange way.

-_Wanna marry me_?-he asks with the same indifferent tone, as if he were talking about the weather. She looks at him beliwerded, her mouth open in disbelief. Her eyes begin to water from emotion...and _sadness._

-Oh puddin', _I love you_, you know I do- she explains sadly, in the verge of tears- I don't know what to say, I mean _of course_ I want to spend the rest of my life with you!- she grows excited at the prospect, while he keeps his eyes glued on the TV and takes a sip of his beer- but we can't get married we're _criminals_ and...!

-_I love ya_- he states flatly, turning his head to look at her directly in the eyes for one second. She is stunned, he never says anything like that. Then he turns his head to the TV again, looking bored and and yawning.

-_I do-_ she says with her voice empty, her eyes lost in some other world, where this moment would be actually romantic. She says _"I do_" as if she was getting married in this very moment, in a white princess like dress, the Joker in a tuxedo looking like her _charming prince_. She sounds like she is _hypnotized_

**Suddenly, Hearts burst out of her bedroom, wearing her red suit , and looking a little more tidy. Her usually wrink****led tie is perfectly straight. Her short hair combed back with gel, making her look truly like a **_**very short man**_**. Albeit a short man using**_** red lipstick**_**. She is carrying a black bag in her shoulder. **

-So, are the _Bride_ and the _Groom_ ready? I'm the _priest_, and I'm ready- she says turning the lights on and taking the remote from the Joker's hand. She turns the TV off. He looks at her amused.

-_She's_ going to marry us? –Harley demands of the Joker, on the verge of tears, this time not from emotion, but desperation.

-We can't go to a _church_ and ask a priest, _ya know_?- he says taking another sip of his bear and standing. He yawns and combs his hair with his right hand- We're kind _wanted by the law_... and it's my _sister_ we're talking about, _see_?- he says while putting an arm around Harley's waist. She looks at him and she smiles sadly-And she's like a _saint_...compared to _me_- he giggles maniacally. Harley tries to imitate him, obviously awkward while Hearts just raises her left eyebrow.

-Ok, so are you _ready_?- Hearts asks coolly.

-I haven't even _brushed my teeth_, I don't have a _dress_…- Harley cries with a hint of desperation, looking down at her clothes - I won't get married in my _pajamas_!-

-What's to _worry_ about? He hasn't brushed his teeth in _weeks_!- Hearts smiles at her, using a patronizing tone- and he wants to get married. _Now_.- She threatens in her oh-so sugary voice, smirking

-Yeah, _once in a lifetime _opportunity Harley dear! _Take it or leave it_!- he exclaims happily, touching her ass- And uh, _leave_...- he says in her ear, pulling her close- would include _gasoline and a match_, let me tell ya, _sweetie_.

-Ok...I'll..._get married_- Harley states proudly, yet still afraid of the two people she has sworn to take care of. She closes her eyes, trying to convince herself that this is actually good, not as terrible as it seems. It seems to work. She smiles from ear to ear-

- Here, take _this_- says Hearts taking a white handkerchief from her bag and placing it over Harley's blond head- this is you veil, please _stop_ complaining...-she says sweetly, caressing her cheek - _would you?-_

**She motions with her hand for the Joker and Harley to follow her to the kitchen, towards the table where they were having breakfast before. She sits on the table, crossing her legs, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. The Joker pulls Harley by her hand to stand beside him and in front of Hearts. She clears her throat and begins the "**_**ceremony"**_

-Ok, _non-existent witnesses_, who I suppose should be _ladies and gentleman_ from both families, but the only member from the family here is _me_, but I'm performing the ceremony...here we are reunited to bond in..._criminal matrimony_ these two, this _guy_ with the _make-up,_ AKA _The Joker_ and his beloved, _the doc_, AKA _Harley Quinn_, who for sake of being in _theme_ will keep her maiden name as it is. It would be weird call her _Mrs. Harley Joker_ soo..- she starts rambling, trying to sound serious but with a hint of sarcasm. She starts giggling maniacally and Harley's nervous grin starts to fade. The Joker looks at her. Harley smiles again, this time wider, afraid of their reactions.

-Stop it with all your _blah blah,_ Hearts, we're getting _married_ here!- He complains-Ya always have to _try_ to be funny? You're _not_, Let me tell ya- he says with a false tone of conspiracy.

-Yes, that's _exactly_ why I get to be a _spinster_- she says with mock sadness, wiping an nonexistent tear from her eye.

-You'll find _someone_...you're a lovely _manipulative bitch_, if ya want to get _something_...- he puts his hand of Hearts shoulder, trying to sound sincere and comfort her- you'll find the way to _get it._

**They look at lock eyes for a second and start laughing again. Harley joins, but she seems to be faking her laugh, looking nervous. **

-Ok, don't interrupt my monologues, _clown_!- Hearts orders, recovering and taking a deep breath. She points at him with her red gloved finger in a menacing way- Anyway, you're right. So...Harley Quinn, do you accept to be the Joker's beloved wife until a _bomb_, _the bat, Arkham_ or _something_ blows your brains out, that would be _death_, do you part?- she asks solemnly and with a straight face.

-_I do!-_ Harley answers happily, looking at with him with eyes full of adoration. The Joker winks at her.

-So, do you_, psycho clown_- Hearts nearly shouts- I mean _dear brother Joker_- she changes her tone to a sweet one- do you take Harley Quinn to be your beloved wife until someone gets your _sorry ass,_ probably _the bat_, and decides to take you _directly to the electric chair instead of Arkham and you die fried like a chicken_?- her tone is solemn yet again.

-Yeah, _whatever_, Queenie- he says boredly, not paying attention

-You should exchange your… _rings_.- she grins and starts taking small labeled bottles from her bag and placing them besides her in the table.

-Oh, _Puddin'_! Did you buy me a _ring_?- Harley smiles, her eyes watering from happiness at the prospect of a golden ring with a big diamond on it.

-Hmm, _not-uh exactly.-_ He says, tilting his head to the right and taking an scalpel from his pocket. He holds a firm grip in Harley's wrist. Her smile vanishes and the color drains from her face.

-What, you're…you're going to _kill me_?-She squeaks, both terrified and crying, looking into his eyes and down at the knife in his hand. But she doesn't fight. Makes no attempt to escape. She doesn't move away from him. _She can't._

-_Nooo_, toots, I'm going to _make_ a ring...-he says sweetly, pulling her to his chest and smelling her hair, and placing kiss in her cheek. Then he pushes her away gently, still holding her wrist with a hand and holding the knife with the other.

-Don't worry Harley, it's gonna be a _tattoo_- Hearts explains sweetly with a gentle smile- _Homemade tattoo_. Don't worry, he's not going to _cut the finger off!-_ she says as if it were ridiculous and shaking her head in mock disbelief and sadness- _Tsk tsk tsk_ don't you trust me? Don't you trust _him_?- she emphasizes the last word- We've trusted you with our _biggest secrets_...- she says sadly looking into Harley's baby blue eyes.

_-I....I..-_ she hesitates, looking both at the redheaded woman smiling sadly at her, and the man she just married who is holding a knife and smiling from ear to ear-_Ok Puddin_- she states confidently, and smiles.

-So Harley, _which color?_ I have red, _purple_, green, blue, black...- Hearts says motioning her hand to the small bottles she placed on the table besides her- You know..this really is more _meaningful_ than a simple..._ring_. You can _lose_ a ring, but you sure won't lose _this_!- she says happily- A ring doesn't mean _anything_. Anyone can buy a ring. This will mean _something_.

-_Purple_- Harley answers confidently.

-Good choice, give me your hand, Sweetie- says the Joker, locking his eyes on hers. She seems to melt everytime he does that. She extends her white and delicate hand, trembling at the prospect of pain. He takes it and caresses it smoothly. Then he holds his tight grip against her wrist again.

-Here, _chew this_, you won't _shout_ that way. It will be better, _trust me_- says Hearts sweetly, handling her a piece of wood wrapped in swatches of different fabrics- and close your eyes. It'll be a _surprise_. A good one, _don't be afraid._

**Harley starts to cry, still with a smile on her face and closing her eyes . She puts the piece of wood in her mouth, trembling. The Joker takes her hand and starts to cut the outline of a J, not totally cutting her white and smooth skin, more like scratching carefully. It's not that painful, she realizes after he's done the first two cuts, she spits the piece of wood in the floor. Clack. The room is silent. The only sound is the joker's knife scratching Harley's porcelain-like skin. After a few minutes, The Joker asks for the bottle of ink with a hand. Hearts opens it handles it to him. he splashes it on the wound and takes the white handkerchief, tainting it with deep purple ink while cleaning Harley's hand. He's done- **

**Harley opens her eyes and looks at her right hand. The realization of what he's done hits her like a ton of bricks to her head, her heart sinking. She starts crying silently, trying to muffle the sound with her unharmed hand. **

-Harley-dear ,why are you _crying_? I suppose its the emotion, such an _emotive ceremony_- Hearts says with a sympathetic tone- the _brides_ always _do cry_ at the _wedding_...-

-You...you didn't make a ring...you marked me... _like a slave_!- Accuses Harley horrified, still looking at her hand. She can't take her eyes from the big purple "J" written in her skin, which she knows will be there forever.

-Harley, don't take it the _wrong way_- he says sweetly-We're not a _conventional_ couple, ya see...and you'll get to _mark me in my hand too_!- he exclaims excitedly-

-I can't hurt you, don't make me cut you, _please_- Harley starts to beg, she can't take the idea of pressing a knife against his skin, even if he asks for it-

-_Do it! _Put an _H_ there, do it! _Red ink_, we're using _red ink_- he orders. Now she is fully crying, not trying no block the sounds.

-_Good choice,_ dear brother- Hearts congratulates him, with her smile growing wider and wider every minute it passes.

-Why not an _HQ_?- Harley asks shyly, but with a hint of suspicion looking at Hearts's Cheshire grin.

-I put only _one letter_ there, _see_?- he explains taking her injured hand and twisting it painfully in front of her eyes- I didn't put _tee-jay_ The Joker. So, you'll do as I say and put and _red H ,_ for _Harley_- he says releasing her, putting the knife in her right hand. He opens the red ink bottle and puts all the others in the bag again. then, he stands in front of Harley, offering his left hand.

-Why _red_, what if I want it to be _black_?- she asks still shy, but suspicion grows in the tone of her voice, bitterly.

-It will be _red_, you got to choose _your color,_ he decided _red_, so don't complain.- rationalizes Hearts with her smile still widening- _What's fair is fair._

-_O-ok?_

**Hearts smiles wider, her small mouth streching almost painfully in her face. Harley takes her purple tainted hand and starts scratching in the back of his hand an "H", her pulse trembling, now and then piercing through his skin, making small drops of warm blood appear . He doesn't seem to be suffering of feeling any pain. Hearts' smile continues to grow at the scene being played in front of her. Harley is so concentrated at the task she is performing... that she fails to see that the Joker is also grinning at Hearts, his eyes locked with hers. She blows him a kiss mockingly. He winks at her and licks his lips. Harley's eyes are so full of tears that she's blind at the interchange. She finishes marking the "H" and starts sobbing fully, the scalpel falling from her right, purple, marked hand and making a "**_**clack**_**" when touches the floor. **

-Well, Harley. Here you have the ink bottle- says Hearts holding a little bottle in her hand, handing it to Harley, who takes it shakily- Put the ink in his mark, go ahead. That will leave a tattoo in his hand. And you'll mark him. _Forever._

**She does as she is told without hesitation, dropping some drops of red ink in his hand, into the "H" she just carved in his skin. Hearts puts a tissue in her hand, and she starts to clean the Joker's hand, revealing an poorly made "H" tinted in red, as if it were blood made. Hearts takes the tissue out of her hand and sits straight in the table again, crossing her legs. **

-I'm pleased to introduce to the newly married _Clown Prince and Princess of Crime_- she states while the Joker starts humming the bridal march-before breaking into a fit of giggles. Hearts continues her speech- You may _fuck_ the bride as many times as you want today, I'll go out, be as loud as you want to_, I don't care_. I'll be here _tomorrow_ - she says jumping off the table and putting her bag on her skinny shoulder_- Bye kids, play nice _

-_Ohhh_ won't you _join_ the party,_Your Highness?-_ the Joker pouts, with a double meaning in his voice that is lost to Harley.

-I have _things_ to do, weren't you planing to introduce your _little family_ to the mob? You've been talking about that the _whole month_- She heads to the door, not looking back

-Yeah. _Right_. Go ahead- he seems disappointed.

-So there, Have your _honey moon_, just don't get her _pregnant_, please?- Hearts stops in her tracks and smirks at both of them-_ I don't like children. _

-I take _birth child control_ already, Hearts!- Harley screams at her lividly. Both the Joker and Hearts stare at her and smirk. She shrinks back and stays silent.

-Well, whatever. Just don't mess up _too much_ or enter in _my_ room, will you?

-Yeah, whatever sis- the Joker says with indifference

-_Elvis is out of the building_, see you tomorrow- she states as she disappears through the front door with a slam-

**She steps out of the wareho****use to a bright and sunny day. Their "**_**house**_**" is being guarded by two goons with AK-47's in their hands, and some others **_**(maybe ten) **_**with simple guns, others even holding grenades. She acknowledges them with a nod and keeps walking. **

- I can't believe she accepted to mark him _H for Hearts_! – she mumbles to herself- I can't believe it! _Mmm this thing must look bad_...- she touches her shoulder, with her eyes lost in a memory-but as long she doesn't see it_...it wont hurt her_. Now, after that I do need a cigarette- she says taking one and lighting it, reclining on one of the vans in the parking lot, smoking slowly, lost in her memories. Then she dumps what's left of it to the floor.

**She approaches the "**_**Guards**_**" warehouse. All the guards sleep in there, with the exception of the **_**"Top Guards",**_** who have their own private room. The "Top Guards" are the ones controlling their **_**army**_**. The Joker and Hearts learnt something that not so many leaders have learn: **_**Delegate**_**. **

- _It's Alex here_?- she says loudly, her voice commanding- or he's out?

- He's in his private room- a guard answers, his voice serious with a hint of hear- _Your Highness- _

**She doesn't answer and goes directly to the guards' private room, opening without even bother to knock. A blond man in his late twenties is there, sitting in a desk and working in a computer. He turns his head when he hears the door opening. He stand up, seeing is her. **

- _Miss Hearts_- he acknowledges her nodding courtly-

- Hello Alex, what are you doing?- he asks him lowering her head to see the computer's screen. He turns the laptop for her to have a better view.

- I was erasing criminal records of the new guards- he answers and she nods pleased-

- _Perfect_- she smiles- but you'll do that _later_, now I need you to pick three guards, people who could act as, _take note_- she orders, while he gets a notepad and a pencil- _two Business men _and a _Taxi Driver, you're coming too_, you'll play _Mr. Narvaez._ Call Smithenson to meet in a restaurant, near The Narrows, tell him you're Mr. Narvaez and you want to meet him _personally_, don't answer too many questions- she keeps talking while he takes note- I want people who could _act their parts_, get them proper clothes for their _characters_ and at least two of them should be _skilled with knifes_ besides _simple weapons_. Take another _fifteen guards_ who could act as _waiters_ and _costumers_, we're taking over the restaurant and make it look as if _nothing's happening_, it should look _normal_. The _real_ waiters and people in there will be _disposed of-_ she ends- did you get _everything_?

- I did, Ma'am- he answers seriously- I'll have everything in _half an hour_, I'll send the "_waiters_" and "_costumers_" right now-

- _Perfect_- she smiles warmly at him- I'll wait here, I don't want to be back in my warehouse for a while.

-Of course, make yourself comfortable, Ma'am-

**The Guard exits the room and she sits in his chair starting to work herself in the criminal records. She stays there for a while, her eyes lost in a memory while she types in the computer. After fifteen minutes she puts the computer aside and takes a deep breath, resting her face in her hand, her eyes starting to water. **

- _Miss Hearts_- The guard comes back, wearing a black suit. Then he sees his employer's eyes watering. He decides not to ask about it - everything is set as you ordered-

- _Very well-_ she stands up and starts walking towards the parking lot- Let's go

**Both of them walk to the parking lot, where a an old g****reen car is waiting, The "Taxi Driver" and the "Bussiness men" in the backseat. The guard sits in the driver's sit, and hearts in the passenger sit. **

**Their warehouses are in fact outside of Gotham, in the middle of the country. Nobody can see that the five criminals are up to something. **

-Thank you, gentlemen, you're doing an _excellent job_- hearts says suddenly with a cold tone- If you keep such good behavior...the numbers in your salary checks will definitely _increase_.

**Now the scene shows the **_**"living room"**_** again, with the TV on. The Joker is sitting on the couch with Harley's head on his lap. He has his marked hand in her hair. Hearts is sitting in a chair close to the TV, drinking coffee, watching the news uninterested . Harley is relaxed, smiling happily about her position, obviously feeling loved and cared about.  
**  
-_Harley girl...-_ the Joker whispers in her ear sweetly.

-_Mistah J?-_ she answers sugary, trying sound sexy, like a naughty girl.

-You're aware of our..._guest_- he says softly caressing her cheek- _right_?

-Yeah...that guy _Smithenson_, Hearts brought him the day after we got married, _right_?- she answers in a hush.

-_Un-hum-_ ya know _who_ is he?- he asks her in a someway patronizing tome, still caressing her cheek, his eyes locked with hers

-No, puddin...a _politician_? A important _business man_?- she answers, her eyes full of love an adoration to her "_husband_"

-Kind of, we're...uhh.. _hijacking his business_- he says with mock innocence

-_What_?- she asks, not understanding what he's talking about. She giggles softly and he places a small kiss in her mouth, silencing her.

-That guy, toots, it's the _mob accountant_.- he tells her meaningfully. She removes herself of his lap and looks at him confused, asking with her eyes what is going on- Do you remember when I told ya about the _Chinese guy, Lau?-_ he asks- Well...this is the _English_ version.

-Oh...so what are _you_ going to do with him?- she says a little afraid of the violence that will surely take place. She is _used_ to it...but that doesn't mean she _likes_ it.

-_Us?_ You mean Hearts and me?-he asks in mock confusion- We won't do _anything_, toots. _You will_- he cracks a wide grin. Hearts, who's been paying attention to their interchange, also grins and cracks her neck soundly. The Joker looks at her, so does Harley. She takes out a cigarette and starts smoking, heading to her bedroom.

-What do you mean? Puddin, is he _hurt_ and you want me to _take ca..?-_ she ask hopefully, trying to convince herself that he is not asking her to do something violent.

-Welll..._not exactly_- he smirks.

**The image changes. Now it's a bathroom-a large, spacious bathroom, with then a usual bathroom's furniture. The walls are white, tinted here and there with black and red makeup. One of the walls is a mirror, with some light bulbs shining specifically at it. There is also a wardrobe and a box full of make up-the kinds the Joker usually wears. It also has some small brushes, more specifically liners. It looks more like the dressing room of a theatre than an actual bathroom.**

Suddenly, Hearts bursts inside dragging Harley. The image is pretty ridiculous, Hearts being so tiny and ugly dragging Harley, who looks more like an oversized Barbie doll with her long blonde hair, beautiful baby blue eyes and porcelain skin. Harley looks confused, but Hearts is smiling, clearly at ease.  
  
-Harley, here, _look at this_- says Hearts, opening the wardrobe and pulling out a pair of red pants, a tight shirt, half black, half red, a silk bow tie, also black and red, and a jester hat made of leather, again, both red and black - That day I picked up Smithenson I also went...._shopping_- both of them giggle at the prospect of someone like Hearts entering a mall and buying such outfit- this is your _costume_, dear, I hope you like it- she smiles sweetly at Harley, looking sincere- it seems our family has a taste for the _dramatic_, and you're _part of the family now_. My _wedding gift_, sorry if it's a little _belated_. You're the _pretty one_ here, so I didn't want to dress you as a_ man_. Those things are for the _uglies_, like _me_- she says shyly and with a hint of fake sadness in her voice.

**Harley smiles broadly and hugs her, surprising Hearts, who hugs her back. **

-You're _not_ ugly Hearts!- Harley says sincerely, reassuring her- you just don't take care of yourself, your _appearance_ I mean- she explains- maybe if you wear something like this instead of an _oversized man suit..._

-No, Harley, you see. I mean, look at me, _I'm small and short_. Not intimidating, however..._like this_...-She says straking a ridiculous pose and "_mean_" face, taking out a knife of her pocket. Harley starts to laugh out loud and soon Hearts joins her- anyway, you're not using this _today_- Says Hearts putting the outfit back on its place- _you're using this_- she pulls something different from the wardrobe smirking. The smile from Harley's face disappears being replaced by a confused face.

**The scene changes again. The three of them are in Harley's room. A man in his thirties, blond and pale, green eyes sore from crying, is sitting in terrified on Harley's bed, wearing a gray business suit. He is tied up with with gray tape across his wrists and ankles, his mouth covered with a piece of tape. There is a red smile drawn on it.**

Standing next to him is Harley, who seems about to cry, her eyes watering and confused. She is wearing the jester hat and her face is covered by white grease paint that has been carefully applied. Her lips are painted in black, small and perfect. Her eyes are delineated with more black paint resembling a mask, contrasting her baby blue eyes. She is wearing black and red pajamas with a teddy bears pattern and bunny slippers, also red and black. She is holding a _**big hammer.**_****

In front of her is Hearts with a video-camera in her hands, t_**he Joker's video camera.**_** She is wearing her usual outfit: white shirt, red vest and red tie. She is also wearing make up and preparing the camera. As per usual in this **_**demented family**_**, her face is covered in white greasepaint, also carefully applied, not leaving any spot of skin uncovered, her little mouth painted in red, heart shaped. Exactly like a small heart when she closes her mouth. she doesn't wear anything around her eyes, which seem to lack eyelashes and eyebrows. She uses black contact lenses, the only thing contrasting her white face. no shining, no light reflected in those inhuman eyes. **_**Just pitch black void of any emotion.  
**_**  
Behind Hearts, the Joker is sitting in a director's chair, also in **_**his full attire**_**. He has a big white board in his hands and a marker, with a piece of fabric to erase what he writes on it. He is smirking.  
**  
-Harley dear, ya know...sometimes I think I'd like to be a _film director_. _Soooo_, the thing goes this way for this _hmmm, short-film_. You are in at a _PJ party_ with your friend and sister in law, _Hearts_. As you were a little bored, you brought _Smithy_ here and will ask him _some questions_. You just act cheerful and like _twelve year old who's just taken ecstasy, yeah?_ Queenie here will film the _whole scene_. Don't worry, toots, I'll write _here_ what you have to ask and do._ Do as I say_, I'm the director, sweetie. If you want to talk to Hearts, _do it_. _Improvise_. But remember to _follow my orders_, we can't afford to shoot this _twice_! So..._DO AS I SAY!_

-Yeah, Puddin- she says shaking from fear, still trying not to cry.

-_Lighten up Harley_! This will be _really fun_!- says Hearts excitedly. She focuses the camera on Harley's face, who is still confused and nervous.

-Smile, sweetie, _smile_..- says the Joker, giggling maniacally- _on with the show_!- he shouts. Hearts turns on the camera and Harley smiles like a twelve year old, her eyes still red and confused.

-_HIYA!-_ she shouts happily, seen through the small screen of Hearts' camera.

**Both the Joker and Hearts grins widen maliciously. **

**And there, the first of our three films for today is over. Contrary to what Male Narrator says, you actually can feel uncomfortable here, and I think it would be good for you to stretch your legs before seeing the other two movies. We've been watching this film for two hours now, and it would be good to show you a little more about this place. Believe me...there's a lot to see.**

Don't worry: "_**Business Woman",**_** the next film, will show you not only the meeting with the mob...but will take you 'backstage' as well. **

_**C'mon**__**. Let's go for a walk. **_

Hi, Me again.- Sorry if I didnt update that fast this time, I'll end up rewriting by next week, more or less.

I apologize now for the typos and grammar mistakes. I wanted to update something, and as you might know english is not my first language. I couldnt get someone to read it trough this time to see the grammar, I just hope it's not too bad

As always, thanks for reading (and leaving reviews), I hope you're enjoying the story so far.

And yes, the "Guards" will be there from the beggining. They will be important to the plot, and the story will be told here, not in a side-story as I planned before (although both me and Hearts of Friendship will write the story of those two, I can assure you it will be interesting)

Anyway, please leave reviews and tell me what you think about this, I hope you like it, and I love to read your opinions

Nezzie


	6. Reflections in a Shattered Mirror

_**Look at the floor**_**. Full of **_**puppets**_**. There you have Harley as a doctor, Harley Quinn, Jim Gordon, Salvatore Maroni, Falcone, Joan Leland... **

**Look there, you even have one of **_**Bruce Wayne**_**. And another of **_**Batman**_**.  
You can easily find a **_**puppet**_** of **_**every person**_** she got to know in her life, with one little **_**exception.**_

_**No Joker. **_

**She **_**doesn't**_** control **_**him**_**, she's aware of that. And she's **_**fine**_** with it. But she **_**does**_** have a **_**special**_** place for him in her mind... **

**The room is made of **_**fourteen**_** mirrors. **

**I'll explain the **_**third**_** meaning or the them. **

_**You see...**_** anyone would say her favorite books were **_**Lewis Carol's.**_** But the reality is...that's not quite true. She only refers to them because she **_**knows**_** everyone will get the meaning of her words if she quotes **_**him**_**. But in her mind there's something else. Much deeper. And more obscure. And unfortunately-when scaring the masses-subtle and obscure don't work to **_**terrorize**_**. What is it? It's **_**"The House of Asterion,"**_** by Jorge Luis Borges. **

**It's a short tale. A **_**monologue**_**. Maybe that's why she **_**loves**_** to use monologues so much. **

_**Long story short:**_** It's about the Minotaur who says that there are fourteen labyrinths, which in his mind is the number that represents the **_**infinite**_**—as in **_**infinite worlds**_**. He also says that he's not a prisoner, he can get out of it anytime he wants to, but he doesn't. And it also says that by **_**killing**_** people he is **_**saving**_** them from **_**themselves**_**...and that he's waiting for someone to return the **_**favor**_**, he doesn't like to be **_**alone**_**. In the end Teseus comes and kills him, and he stands a fight...even though he wanted so **_**desperately**_** to **_**die**_**. **

**Enough explanation. She thinks of herself as the **_**Minotaur**_**, waiting for **_**someone**_** to put her out her **_**misery**_**... but when the opportunity presents itself...**_**she fights**_**. There's a reason for her to keep going. And that reason is over there. **_**On a diamond pedestal.**_

**Look at it, **_**in the corner**_**. Don't be afraid. It's a laptop, neatly placed in the pedestal. It shows and MSN conversation. **_**Simple as that.**_

_**Go ahead,**_** read what's in there. Yes I know the keys seem to be pressing themselves. **

_**Allie says:  
Jack don't do it, I'm watching you, put that gun down!  
Allie says:  
Jack, please don't kill yourself.  
Allie says:  
Don't leave me alone again.  
Allie says:  
Put it down, NOW!  
Jack says:  
You mother fucker! Leave me alone, what the hell are you doing in Allie's account?  
Jack says:  
If you're some hacker she knew... I don't care, go to hell! And stop using that! have some respect you son of a bitch!  
Allie says:  
Jack, It's me. I swear! please put that gun down!  
Jack says:  
Go to hell!  
Allie says:  
That's it, I'm turning the web-cam! **_

**His web cam it's bee****n on **_**all the time**_**, she was watching at him while she talked to him. He was holding a gun in his hands, **_**toying with it**_**, his eyes watered. Then his eyes focus on the computer, and he stays frozen, not believing what his eyes see. Then he puts his face in his hands, starting to cry and laugh at the same time, touching his scars, someway **_**ashamed**_**. He starts typing again **

_**Jack says:  
How the hell...? Allie, where are you?  
Allie says:  
In the same chair you're sitting right now **_

**As **_**The Joker,**_** he for her doesn't mean **_**too much**_** for her. **_**Jack**_**, however, it's a **_**complete different story.**_

**I wont let you read **_**further**_** because it would spoil he complete story, but don't worry, you'll find out about this **_**later.**_

**Anyway, come here and try to see your reflection. **_**Shattered mirrors**_**. No, its not her with your clothes, as in the Joker's mind. This is truly you... **_**if you were a puppet.**_** You have long strings on your joints and every time you move-**_**look**_**! There, try to wave your hand...it seems like in the infinite roof there's someone pulling those strings. Don't worry, **_**it's not real**_**. It's just the way she sees the world…as an unconscious statement: "**_**Beware, I'm a puppeteer, you're my puppet and I do as I please with your mind, body and soul".**_

**But as long as you stay with me you're **_**immune**_** to her, don't worry. **

**Come on. I'll show you something more so you understand why this place truly is a **_**labyrinth**_**. As I told you before, you have to get through the Looking Glass to have access to her memories and subconscious...but you can't simply step into **_**any**_** mirror. Come here. Step into it, don't be afraid, **_**I know how to get back.**_

**I know...it feels like walking through a waterfall... someway **_**painful**_**, as the small pieces of glass break and pierce your skin. **

**But it's only a second, when you step to the other side, you're **_**unharmed**_**.  
And here we are. **_**See?**_** It's **_**exactly**_** the same room, **_**no difference**_**. But that's **_**not**_** true. This is one of her alternative**_** "stories of my life".**_** This one in particular is her being the Joker's sister for **_**real**_**. It has **_**fake memories**_**, no subconscious. A room full of **_**lies**_**, but we're not watching any of those. **_**Thing is...**_**that if you want to get back to the **_**original room**_** you have to find the way back. And it's not the **_**same**_** glass we walked through. It's a **_**different one**_** and you have to pick that **_**one**_** out of the **_**fourteen**_** identical mirrors. If you step into the wrong one, that's it. **_**No way back**_**. You get lost in yet another **_**"story of my life"**_** lie and finding the way back is almost **_**impossible**_**. And when you get to see **_**something**_**, there's a big possibility of it being a **_**lie**_**, and there's an ever **_**bigger**_** possibility it making you feel **_**sympathy**_** for her. We're on the mind of one of the **_**biggest liars of the world**_**...who, **_**ironically**_**, is trying to prove the biggest truth: **_**The so called Joke**_**. **

**Anyway, let's go back to her **_**real mind.**_

**I forgot to show you something in that corner, **_**I'm sorry.**_

_**Come here. **_

**There you have, Hearts in a corner pulling a puppet's strings.**

No, it's not _**her**_**, it's a **_**representation**_** of her. She looks nervous, **_**doesn't she**_**? She's **_**afraid**_**.**

Now look at the _**puppet**_**... yes, of course it's moving **_**exactly**_** the way she wants it to move...but this puppet is not like the ones in the floor, **_**lifeless**_**. If you watch **_**carefully**_**... she's **_**fighting**_** against the puppet for it to move as **_**she**_** pleases, and it's making her laugh nervously.**

Now.._** pay attention to this part**_**.**

The puppet starts breaking it's strings, and she's getting _**desperate**_**. **_**For every string **_**it breaks, one is attached **_**to her**_** from the endless roof. She cries, trying to break it. **_**Again, again and again.**_** She turns her head to look at herself in the mirrors, and finds herself made of wood, strings attached to her limps.**

_**Cover your ears.**_****

-_AHHHHHHHHHH! _****

She cries painfully, breaking _**free**_** from the strings attached... they were attached to her **_**skin**_**, and now she's **_**bleeding profusely**_**. She looks again at the mirror, seeing she's a **_**human being**_** again, that she's the **_**puppeteer**_**. She laughs nervously and kneels next to the puppet, attaching **_**carefully**_** it's strings again, not bothering about her wounds, looking **_**nervously**_** to her **_**puppet**_**. She hugs it, stands up and starts again to pull it's strings... this has been repeating itself for a **_**year**_** now in her mind.**

Have you guessed _**who's**_** the puppet?**

_**Her husband...**_** he's her most **_**beloved**_** puppet, but she's **_**afraid**_**... her **_**feelings**_** towards him, in some **_**twisted way**_**, make her **_**weak**_**, afraid of turning herself into **_**his**_** puppet and in case of need to **_**dispose of him**_**... she wouldn't know what to do, being **_**confused**_**.**

No, when I say "_**feelings**_**" I'm not talking about **_**love**_**, or at least not the kind of love a wife feels for her husband. More like the love of a **_**craftswoman**_** to her **_**masterpiece**_**... not able to throw it away, too **_**proud**_** of herself, immersed in her **_**vanity**_**.**

Neither does help that her husband is an _**intelligent person**_**, someone she can talk to and makes her feel **_**loved**_**, even if if he loves the character she's become for him. **

_**And here we are again.**_** Back where we started. There you have **_**two thrones**_**, one made of white velvet and silver, and the other made of black velvet and gold. **

**You must be wondering why there are **_**two thrones**_** if there is only **_**one**_** Queen of Hearts? Does she have **_**split personalities**_**? Not exactly. It is more like **_**two moods.**_** I think the Joker said she was a **_**Bipolar**_**, right? Not sure, I have here some of the files of the case...**_**hmm yes, he said so**_**. The black one represents her **_**Mania**_** and the white one her **_**Depression**_**. I know, you think it should be the other way around… **

**But I told you. It isn't two personalities…it's two moods. And being in a depressive state makes her feel weaker and vulnerable...so, it's white and silver. Black and gold resembles her stronger, more powerful mood. **

**For the "**_**Wedding**_**" film you were sitting in the **_**black throne**_**. The movie would be totally **_**different**_** sitting in the white one. Probably crying for not being able to marry the Joker herself. But to stay **_**true**_** to the **_**facts**_**, you sat at the black one. She was in a **_**maniac state**_** that day. **

**Now, for "**_**Business Woman**_**" you really have to sit in the **_**white one**_**. She did well, but she was depressed that day**_**. Really depressed**_**. **

**And here it is. The movie's starting.**

The TV shows the Joker, Harley and Hearts sitting at the kitchen table. They are silent, and dressed in their full costumes, even the make up. The only light in the room is the laptop placed in the middle of the table. Everyone is serious and nervous. Hearts sits with her head down, looking at her hands placed on the table. _**They are shaking**_**. Harley turns her head to her with a concerned look. The Joker is looking now and then to his watch with a beer resting in front of him on the table, every once in a while taking small sips. **

-Hearts, _everything ok?-_ Harley asks. The redheaded woman lifts her head and looks her directly in her eyes. Hearts sees her reflection in those baby blue eyes, Harley, _so beautiful so perfect_, and she's so disgusting an unpleasant to the eyes. The reflection only shows the ugly image of a white, broken doll with two black dots as eyes.

-_I think so_.-Hearts sighs- _However_...give me four milligrams of clonazepan, _just in case-_ her voice is shaking. It seems like she is on the verge of tears.

-Hearts... 4 milligrams of that is way _too much_- says Harley talking sympathetically- you could be overdosed and end up _sleeping_ in the middle of the show!- she looks for Hearts' eyes, who is refusing to look back at her- Plus this morning you already had _350 of Lithium_, and you have to take _another pill_ at night and _more_ clonazepan-she explains with a hint of desperation-...it's _a lot,_ you could fall into a _pharmacologic coma, poisoned...  
_  
-I've had _worse_ and I'm still standing on my feet!- she answers.

-Just don't get all _Drama Queen_, yeah?-The Joker says, annoyed and with an almost imperceptible hint of worry- If I'm taking you to _my party, _don't make me look bad and ruin the show, _hmm?_ I'm the _pretty face_ of the organization. Anyway, _how's everything doin_?- he asks Hearts, who is still sitting straight in her chair, her black eyes unblinking. Seeing the Joker is getting annoyed at her, she hides her hands under the table.-_You're still shaking_- he states. Not too _subtle_ of her doing that. He turns to Harley- Harley,dear-he starts all sugary-..._get her the pills_- he growls the orders annoyed at the prospect of drugging his "_sister_" only for the sake of a _good show_.

-_But Puddin...!-_ she protests, her voice high pitched.

-She'll start crying for _no reason_ any time soon! I know her_, my sister!-_ he shouts at her and Harley just shrinks away- and four pills is just fine! Once I had to give her _eight_!- he growls at her again, slamming the table soundly- So, do as I say and bring the pills!- he turns to Hearts, who has just buried her face in her arms on he table and started sobbing- _You_, stop shaking, you're making me _nervous_- he shouts at her.

-I can't take it anymore Jay,_ can't take it_! - she cries pathetically, all her make-up smeared in her red gloves, the contact lenses starting to fall out of place- Could you explain me again _how the hell_ we ended up _this way...?_

-Oh great! Now she went from _Queen of Hearts_ to _Queen of Tears and Sobbing!_ Just great! - he shouts with sarcasm. He gets up of his chair and heads to Hearts, who is still sobbing- Harley dear, I gotta talk _something_ with Queenie here- he grabs her arm, and she pulls away just to bury her head in her arms again- _C'mon, get up_- he complains.- Oh what now? _Do I have to pick you up_?- he mumbles more to himself than her.

-No, _I'll...I'll..go_- Hearts says, her voice trembling. She gets up slowly, still sobbing. The Joker grabs her by her forearm, livid, and heads to the door, only stopping in his way to take something from Harley's hands.

-Wait a minute Harl- he says without looking back to her. She gets the meaning: _"Stay here and don't try to spy on us."  
_  
**He drags Hearts to the bathroom, throwing her inside and slamming the door behind him. She sits in a little chair in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection unblinkingly, tears still running in her cheeks. He cracks his neck and stands behind her, placing his gloved hand on her shoulders.**

-What's going on with you _now_?- he asks annoyed, yet worried- No, sorry, wrong question. _Why now?-_ he demands squeezing her shoulders. She looks up at him, unblinking. After two seconds of silence she starts sobbing fully. There is nothing intimidating about her now. She looks completely _pathetic._

-It's too much, this is not how it's _supposed_ to be! Why didn't you kill her? _Why_? Now look at us, pretending to be _fucking siblings!-_ she says in a rush, still crying.

-_You_ came up with that story, Queenie- he says giggling, more nervous than amused- And you know we needed a _shrink_!- he explains lowering his head to her level, both of them looking at their reflections in the mirror- How do you think I'd feel if one day I get up and and there you are, _dead in a pool of blood, hmm?_ It's not like I can simply remove all the _sharp and pointy objects_, you'd find a way to kill yourself if ya _wanted to_- he says hugging her lightly by her back, still looking only at their reflections in the mirror. She is still stiff in her seat -...not like you need a _concrete reason_... we need a shrink... _simple as that_. I _can_ control it. _You cant.._

-Yeah, I've been always the _weak baby_ who's _always_ complaining... I don't even know what I'm complaining about. Better _this_ than... well, you know, _before_. Sincerely I don't know how would _you_ feel and _I couldn't care less,_ and it's pretty _obvious_ you didn't think about _me_ when you didn't kill her. I should just _go back_ where I came from and _put a bullet in my skull_- she says sadly putting her face in her hands again.

-_Oh shit_!- he says irritated- Why _today_? _Hmm_? Couldn't you just have a breakdown, I dunno, _tomorrow_?- he says sarcastically, hugging her more tightly and putting his head in her shoulder- _Nooo,_ it had to be _today_!- he nearly shouts out of desperation. This is risking the show, and he knows it.

-It's not like I can _choose_, you know _that_!- she complains facing him- I can pretend for _two months_ being your sister but I cant take to see her _rubbing herself all over you!_ But that's something I'll have to... _cope with_. Become used to the idea_, I guess..._

-_C'mere_- he says pulling her into his arms. She is stiff, and doesn't hug him back, just sits there- If this would happen _any other day_ I would manage to get Harley out of the way – he sounds irritated-If this happened any other day, I would give you a bunch of pills like _last time_ and put you to sleep for _the next eighteen hours_!- he giggles at the memory- Sorry, but today is the _big show_, Queenie.

-It's been so long since I was out in a _show_- she sounds indifferent-...or have a _breakdown_ for that matter. _Six months already_?- she asks him, looking him in the eyes.

-Yeah, when I picked you up and I told you about _Harley_- he says bitterly- I would kiss you- he says sadly- but ya know_... the make up._

-Yes, anyway I don't need _that,_ I feel better now that _I said what I had to say_- she pulls away and looks at herself in the mirror, giving him her back-Just give me four milligrams and in two hours I'll be _just fine_- she takes her contact lenses out of her eyes, cleaning them in their covers and replacing them.

-Try not to _faint_ in the middle of the _stage_, yeah?- He says sarcastically, voice tinted with an almost imperceptible hint of worry. He hands her a bunch of blue pills and a glass of water. She takes them in her hands and looks at them for a second. Then she puts them in her mouth and drinks the glass of water.

-I'll do my best. But I'm _frustrated_, I need to kill... _something_, I don't care _what_. It would be ideal to kill _Harley_... anyway. If I need to get _violent_, just help me out- she says pulling out the make-up box and reapplying the white face paint.

-Only if you do that thing with _the spoon_- he grins

-Fair enough, if I need to get violent, _I'll get a spoon_- she agrees, and puts the box in its place, heading to the door. The Joker follows close behind her until they get to the kitchen door. She opens it and walks straight to her seat.

-Sorry, Harley dear- says the Joker- Here we are again, here _Queen of Drama_ decided to remember _our childhood and that guy_...- he sits in his chair and put his legs on the table- _Sooo,_ as I was asking you, Hearts, _how's this thing going_?

-Well, everything has been set. I've rented the whole building under a fake name. It was expensive, but _worth it_…and the e-mails, with the address sent.- She says without any hint of emotion, still trembling sightly.

-_Hmm_, Hearts, can I read what ya sent?- He asks, turning the laptop's screen to him.

-Of course. Harley, would you read it aloud for us, _please_?- asks Hearts, taking the computer out of the Joker's hands and handing it to Harley, who starts reading aloud in a business-like voice. The Joker lifts an eyebrow to Hearts, who just shrugs sadly. After seeing the gesture, the Joker gets the meaning of it and mouths _"don't worry"._ She smiles sadly.

_-Gentlemen, we are all aware of the disappearance of Mr. Mathew Smithenson under…mysterious circumstances- Harley begins reading- Obviously and pressingly, if he were not tore-appear soon your money will no longer be safe. Your businesses-and most importantly, your well-earned money—will be at tremendous risk. In light of this increasingly urgent matter, I invite you all to a business meeting.  
I am soliciting my services to you as your main accountant. While my methods are different, I am more effective than either Mr. Smithenson or any of your earlier accountants could ever be. Ergo, in my hands your money would be completely secure, not only from the justice system but also the Batman. I can also exchange your laundered money for currency that is completely legal, thus erasing any ties or evidences to the real nature of your business._

I repeat: my methods are different, but highly effective. I can offer you what others cannot: security, confidentiality, and the guise of legality. How I am able to guarantee your personal and financial safety is simple: I am unreachable.

The price for my services is to be discussed in the meeting, where it can be peacefully negotiated. My only conditions are the absence of firearms of any kind, or any parties not suited to overhear or take part in our dealings—this includes security forces of any kind.  
The meeting will take place in a secure building in broad daylight. Again I repeat to you that security will not be necessary, as I give you my full assurance that everything will be safe for both you and I. I believe you will find the location and conditions of our meeting to be to your liking.  
Business men like you deserve a exceptional treatment, and I am pleased to offer to you my services: again, my methods are different, but highly effective.

Please answer this e-mail to confirm your attendance. No one will enter the building who is not found on the VIP client list. When and if I receive a reply to this message, I will send the date, time, and address of our meeting in a separate correspondence.

Attentively,

TRF

PS: Do not bother yourselves trying to investigate the source of this e-mail, nor pre-occupy yourselves with how I found yours. Your search will be fruitless. Yet perhaps you should try, as a measure of the security which I alone can offer you. Do it. It can only assure you: I am unreachable. 

-Sounds _reaaally_ professional, _Your Highness_- The Joker giggles maniacally, clapping his hands mockingly. But something is still amiss, he sounds nervous.

-Well, yes, they need to feel it's something safe to do. And that it's worth the risk- explains Hearts, this time her voice as usual: cold, unfeeling. The Joker sighs in relief. _The Show must and will go on._

-How many have confirmed?-asks her Harley, still business-like.

-_All of them_- she answers with a smirk.

-Soooo….- the Joker begins, smiling from ear to ear and placing his arms behind his head-we'll be holding the _ten godfather wannabes_ of Gotham in our _dirty little hands_ willingly coming and delivering the money _themselves_?- the Joker says. This time fully laughing. The sound is soon followed by Harley's giggles and Hearts' grin.

-_Right_. And the meeting is in two hours, remember.- Says Hearts matter of factly.

-Yeah, I've already placed the bombs, and the other, ahh, _objects_.-he emphasizes the last word meaningfully.

-I've picked ten guards to get good suits, so it will look as professional as it can. I also checked the meeting room, it is as we requested, the security cameras where we ordered them to be placed, the monitors and the metal detector. I also checked and the double mirror actually works, Puddin- says Harley with pride in her voice at the tasks she's done. He smiles at her, and she blows him a kiss in return. Hearts rolls her eyes and sighs.

-Perfect, _Harley dear_- says Hearts in a patronizing tone which lost on Harley.

-So, everything is set? The tape, the accounts, everything? _Hmm?- _he asks them both. They nod in agreement.

-Yes, _dear brother._ Everything is set.-Hearts says flatly.

-Then…_on with the show, girls_!- exclaims the Joker excitedly, dumping the chair soundly on the floor. He stands and heads to the door, motioning them with a hand to follow him. Harley jumps off her chair and follows him happily. They disappear through the door. Hearts, alone in the room, only sighs sadly and stands. She closes her eyes one second, trying to make her hands stop shaking. She follows them.

**Now the scene changes. The Joker is sitting in the middle, Hearts on his right and Harley on his left. They are behind a double mirror, in a dark room lit only by some security monitors all showing black and white images, recording what's going on in the meeting room they are observing. **

**It's a big room in the 18th floor, white painted walls and some decorative objects made of glass. The floor's carpet is deep green. The room doesn't have any windows but it's illumination is good, with a crystal lamp hanging from the ceiling, plus other small lamps attached to the walls. There's also a sizeable LCD TV hanging on the wall. In the middle there is a large rectangular table, also made of thick glass, with ten manilla folders placed neatly around it. There are five chairs on each side of the table, and at the head, three more. Those are empty. In the other 10...the mob's bosses are having a discussion about the mysterious TRF.  
And the three of them are listening carefully, silent. **

-Then…what do you think that happened to Smithenson?

-Definitely dead, _let's face it_. It was probably the _same guy_ that called us.

-I don't care what happened to him.

-Have any of you tried to open the accounts? I've tried, _the money is gone._

-Yeah, but this _TRF guy_ left a note that he took care of it, _right_? He wouldn't call us if he just wanted to _walk away _with it. He's smart, he knows there's _more._

-Aren't you _overlooking_ something? _All of you!_ _The Joker's_ escaped…what if all _this_ is his idea of a _joke?_

-_Joker?_ Don't think so. He escaped six months ago and from the looks of the whole thing he's probably in _fucking Mexico_, enjoying of the rest of the money that he _didn't_ burn. I mean, no bombs, no murder tapes on the TV, no killing sprees…_nothing_. The Joker…_is old news_.

-Yeah, but still, Smithenson's gone _missing_…what if it's _him_ and we've all just walked into a _trap?_

_-Don't think so_. I mean, look at _this place_. This is _not_ the Joker. This is some _fancy shit._ That email claimed he's an _accountant_, what was his _name_?

-He didn't give a name, _he only signed TRF_…But it still seems like he's _pretty serious_…I mean, _look at this place…._

-Maybe he's like _Lau_, some important _business man?_

-_Or politician. _

-_Probably_. And he must be _damn wealthy…_saying he is "_unreachable_". I took my chance and got a hacker trying to track him. That was a week ago, I paid him a lot of money and he didn't get _nowhere_. This guy…_has to be good._

**The Joker just laughs behind the mirror**

-Oh, yeah we are that _good_ and _better_. _Show time_! Wait here until I call ya!- he says happily, heading to the door.

**In the meeting room the mobsters are still talking. **

-Have you considered someone at _Wayne Enterprises_? Maybe _Lucius Fox?_ We don't know anything about _him_…and rumor has it the guy's _pretty good_ with computers and technology in general-

-_Don't think so-_

**Suddenly the door opens, revealing to all present the so called "**_**accountant**_**." The mobsters are stunned, some of them frozen in their chairs, other trying to escape. But the door is guarded by **_**several clowns**_**, all armed to the **_**teeth.**_

-Your _first guess_ was the right one, gents- he exclaims happily, spreading his arms- I'm not in Mexico, see? _Don't have a tan!_- he makes a mock reverence and grins.

_-Jo... J__oker?-_starts a Italian man, dark haired, in his forties- this is _yours_? You're a _hacker_ now?- he asks bewilderedly.

**They are all thinking the same thing: **_**Does this man has a limit?**_

-Hey, kids, _such a hurry!_- he says walking trough the room and motioning to the ones that tried to escape to sit down again- _C'mon_! I called you to chat a little, we're _friends_ right?- he asks them mockingly. Nobody answers- Long time no see… _What's wrong?_ Bat got your tongue or _what?_ I would say you're _not_ that happy to see me, h_urts my feelings_, guys- he says wiping a non-existent tear from his eye. He erupts in a fit of giggles that soon grow to cackles.

-_So_…let me put this straight.- one of the mobsters, a blond man in his fifties, interrupts him seriously. He was part of the group that didn't try to escape- You stole all our money, not once, _but twice_. And you call us _to rub it in our faces_?- he protests lividly.

-_Kids_…- the Joker says in a patronizing tone, walking to stand behind the blond man, putting his gloved hands in the mans showers and squeezing them. The man's bravery disappears and the color of his face drops to an unhealthy white- Seems like ya don't know me…I thought we were _friends_…ya hurt my feelings, _ya know…?-_ he says in mock sadness.

-You're gonna kill us all, _right_?- says a African-American man in a rush, his voice trembling but totally sure of his statement.

-_Hmmm_, don't know. _Maybe_. Maybe _not_.- says the Joker sitting in one of the chairs at the head of the table. He has chosen the middle one. -Anyway, I called ya _alll_ here cause I though we were _friends_, all that _quality time_ together one year ago!- he says meaningfully- And I thought it would be cool if I introduced ya to my _family_- he says as if the situation was normal. The mobsters just stare at him, puzzled, not understanding what he is talking about- After all, I _do_ know _alll_ your _families_, folks!- he shouts happily putting his legs in the table.

-What…_not our families!-_pleads one of the mobsters, a young man with a thick Mexican accent-…what have you done to them? _God_…- he mumbles, putting his hands on his head.

-Nothing…-the Joker answers- _yet_.- he grins maliciously- Now, here, I even brought some family tapes! _Wanna see them?_- he motions to the LCD screen hanging behind him. The men just look at each other completely dumbfounded- Ehh, I don't know _why_ I'm asking, _I mean_ ,I'm so _proud_ of my _family_ I want to show them to the _entire world!-_ he exclaims with a big smile. Most of the men in the room are simply too afraid, not knowing what to do, surely thinking about their upcoming painful deaths- My girls are _so adorable_! Anyway, lights out and on with _the show!-_ he shouts to the mirror. Hearts, behind the mirror just smirks and presses "_play"_ on the DVD machine, while Harley takes a deep breath. The men realize that they were being watched the entire time- Don't even dare to interrupt yeah?- he threatens- It was a PJ party they had _two weeks ago_…- he asks, arching an eyebrow - _ring a bell?_

-_Smithe…-_ starts the blond man

-_Sh shs sh!_ The movie's starting!- the Joker interrupts him and the room goes silent. The lights start to fade away in darkness.

**The TV shows an image of Harley's face smiling cheerfully, her face painted and her blond hair loose, with the jester hat in the top of it**

_-HIYA! We were bored and called this guy- the camera focuses on Smithenson, whose eyes are red and full of tears. Then the camera goes to Harley again- to have some fun, hope ya don't mind Mistah J! Anyway, Hearts brought him Puddin', don't get mad, I love you and only you!-she blows a kiss- So blame her- she sticks her tongue out mockingly- the camera starts to show a whole view of the room, Harley in her bunny slippers and her pajamas. She takes the tape out of Smithenson's mouth painfully-  
-so...ya' kind of cute, have ya been told that?- she asks him sweetly, caressing his cheek._

- I swear I don't know anything..I swear...- the blond man starts to beg to someone behind the camera. A faint giggle is heard in the back ground-

-Ya don't know if ya've been called cute?- ask Harley in fake sadness- Too bad... Hey Hearts- she turns her face to the camera- This is boring! Ya have any idea what to play?-She he addresses the person who must be filming-

-Yes…truth or dare. The English man first- answers a woman's voice, deep and dark- What do you choose?- asks the woman mockingly- Nah, you don't get to choose. Tell the truth. State you full name and occupation- she says in a cold voice.

-I don't know anything, I swear!- Smithenson cries terrified, his eyes darting from Harley's hammer to someone behind the camera-

-Harley, would you ask him? You're more convincing.-Says Hearts, her voice all sugary.

-Yeah sure. What's your name? What do you do for a living?- asks Harley cheerfully ruffling Smithenson's hair.

-No. Won't talk..you already know that!- he says with his head down. Then he hears a giggle in the background and stares behind the camera, this time his eyes widen and he opens his mouths to plead...he doesn't get to make an intelligible sound, only shout in panic. Harley's eyes are one second lost in the air, staring to someone behind the camera, then she grins happily and smashes Smithenson's right hand with her hammer, cracking every single bone in it, blood starting to emanate from the wounds she made. The accountant just pleads for mercy, to no avail. Harley is breaking his hand's finger by finger, humming happily while laughs are heard in the background. He can't take it anymore, it's too painful and he's too scared... he knows the person behind the scene has no mercy... and the woman torturing him doesn't seem to have any trace of remorse while doing so. 

_-Mathew Smithenson, Accountant!-he shouts and sobs in pain, utterly terrified. _

_- See? It wasn't that difficult- Harley tells him mockingly-Who's your boss cuteness?-asks Harley caressing his head with the hammer. _

_-No!- Harley only looks to the camera again, her smile hesitates and trembles, but it's still there. She starts smashing the other hand. Crack. Crack. Crack. Three fingers broken painfully, smashed under the head of the hammer. _

_-Gotham's mob!- he answers in desperation, still crying- The mob, the mob! Please don't kill me. Please, don't- he pleads with his head down. Then he lifts it slowly to look to the person behind the camera, and all the hope banishes from his face._

-Oh look at the poor thing- says Hearts from behind the camera with mock surprise- Harley, you're so mean sometimes! - Harley just giggles nervously, her eyes are starting to water. 

_-Hearts, wanna take it from here?- asks Harley to the woman behind the camera with a nice smile. It is more like pleading. _

_- No, Harley, this is your time to shine little star!-Hearts' voice is excited and enthusiastic, all to sugary. - your turn…truth or dare? _

_-Dare- Harley answers, with hesitation in her smile. _

_-Dare you…- Hearts begins sweetly, then pauses., Harley is still looking at her nervously, her smile plastered to her face- to break his legs and arms- she finishes in her coldest tone. _

_Smithenson starts to plead almost silently, and Harley looks again to the person behind the camera. Then with a smile on her face, she does exactly as she is told. She brings the hammer into the air, and it lands on Smithenson's right forearm, he shouts out in pain. She repeats the process three times, and Smithenson's shouts are weaker every time she does it. Seeing that she didn't break any bone yet, Harley stretches his arm out. She seems to know what she is doing. She has damaged the bones to the point of breaking but the fracture hasn't split the bone in two. She proceeds to twist the man's arm painfully until she hears a "crack". The shouts pierce Harley's ear, who puts her hammer down and covers them momentarily. A second A fit of giggles erupts from behind the camera, a sound that will become the background of this torture…then she proceeds to repeat the process three times, once for every remaining limb, three more "cracks" and plenty of tears, crying and shouts of pain. Still, for some reason, Smithenson doesn't pass out. He is a strong man._

-Smithy, your turn now, go ahead, ask- says Harley sweetly, swirling her hammer covered in blood through the air.

_-Your name…?- he asks weakly. _

_-Harley Quinn- she answers happily- You turn Hearts. Truth or dare?- she asks facing the camera and showing her white teeth. _

_-Truth.. _

_-What were ya doin' last night in your computer…?- Harley asks with fake innocence in her voice. _

_-Buying a pair of shoes on e-bay for Jay- she says with indifference- Your turn, Harley. Truth or dare? _

_-Dare. _

_-Kill him. Be creative. Use the hammer- Hearts says with the same indifference and coldness. Harley's eyes dart from the man sitting behind the camera to the woman filming, her eyes starting to produce tears, the smile fades from her face. Then she turns her head to the person bound behind her and a fake smile appears again on her mouth, stretching painfully. _

_-No, please, I'll tell you everything! I'll give all the money, I'll…- Smithenson starts to beg, shout, with what is left of his voice and his strong will. He doesn't finish the sentence, as Harley's hammer collides with his heads and deforms his skull, splashing blood everywhere, tainting the sheets of the bed. The blow kills him instantly. A cackle is heard behind the cameras as Harley repeats the action, bringing the hammer down again and again to the dead man's head with fury, her smile vanished from her face, replaced by blind anger. The man's skull, his face, are now unrecognizable after five minutes of Harley's 'creativity.' Harley looks directly to the camera with a serious face, tainted with Smithenson's blood. The hammer hits the floor. "Toc". A person clapping his hands is heard. _

_-So...don't you think that was really fun, Harley?- Hearts interrupts the silence cheerfully. _

_-Yeah...- she answers, her voice void of emotion and her eyes lost in the air. _

_-Of course it was, lighten up, girl!- Hearts shouts happily. _

_-Yes, it was fun!- shouts Harley with a grin that doesn't reach her eyes, still empty and sad. _

_-That's my sister__ in law!- Hearts congratulates her. The camera becoming unfocused for a moment. Then it show the image of woman with short red hair over her jaw, her face completely white and her eyes pitch black. She is smirking-. This moment has been brought to you by Freaks Entertainment Group- she starts, in a serious voice- Main Actress: Harley Quinn. Supporting actor: Mathew Smithenson. Camera: Queen of Hearts, that would be me- she smiles- Director, Producer, screenplay: The Joker- she says while focusing in on the Joker, sitting in his director chair, who blows a kiss- This film is dedicated to all the people who have given their lives for it, that would be Matty over there- she films the corpse for at least one minute from different angles, showing the unrecognizable skull in detail, disgusting as it is- The end- she finishes focusing in the Joker's face again, Harley is his lap, still in shock. _

_- That's all folks- he giggles maniacally and the camera turns off. _

**The men in the meeting room are silent from shock, some of them with their eyes watering, others completely silent and serious. But all of them wear a terrified look. **

-_Ya see,_ we have this _hobby_, we like filming _stuff_- the Joker explains waving his hand to the mirror. Some of the men look at the mirror, realizing what's going on. Hearts and Harley get up of their chairs.- Queenie, _my lil sis_, is the camera-woman, and the blond beauty is my _stunning wife!_ Aren't they just _lovely?-_ he asks proudly- _Nah,_ you cant see it from a _tape_- he dismisses the idea-..._No no no_, here. Girls, _get front stage_!- he shouts to the door, which opens, revealing Harley, carrying a black big bag in her shoulder. Her face painted, her beautiful blond hair loose, wearing the outfit that Hearts brought her: red pants, black and red shirt and a the bow tie, the jester hat decorating her head, and her black gloved hands holding the hammer. The men in the room stiffen at the sight of it.

-HIYA all! How ya doin? Hope you're fine!- she smiles happily and kisses the Joker on the mouth briefly, taking a seat at his left, noisily chewing gum.

**The door opens again, and Hearts enters, looking very distracted with the cup of tea in her hands, swirling the spoon inside it. She wears her oversized man suit, as always. Bright red coat and tie. White shirt. The vest, the pants and the gloves are a deepest shade of red. She sits at the Joker's right formally. **

-Hello, gentlemen- she addresses the men in the room with a serious nod. - I hope you don't mind I if drink my tea here.

**This would be a good time to sit in the **_**black throne.**_

-Hey, _wanna hear a Joke?_ You're a little _tense_…- He asks the men, who are still silent, still looking at the Joker and his _"family"_

-You fucking _freak_, just not _one_, now a _bunch_ of them!- one of them dares to shout and all the other look at like he is insane. Harley lifts herself out of the chair and cheerfully walks towards the one that called the family freaks.

-Say that again and _bye bye_ to your brains!- she shouts holding her hammer in the air and bringing it threateningly close to the man's head. She lowers her head to his ear hisses seriously- Nobody calls my husband a _freak_, _so... shut_ _up_. You'll talk when _we_ say so!-

-_Harley_…- the Joker giggles and walks to her, putting his hands on her shoulders-these are our friends… ya know…they call us _names_, we call them _names_- he explains in a fake sweet tone, and definitely patronizing- Come to think about it, I never came up with a name for _them_- he says, more to himself- Think you and Hearts can come up with a _cool name?-_ he asks her with a devious grin-

-Yeah, _we can!-_ she answers cheerfully, pressing her back to his chest, caressing his hair with her free hand and moaning softly. The Joker just lifts his eyebrows mockingly to the men watching the scene, whose faces would be the same that if a UFO had landed on his head. They simply can't believe that a pretty woman would actually willingly kiss him and touch him—basically begging him for sex in a room full of mobsters. Hearts just starts to play nervously with her spoon

-Oh, Puddin', tell us a joke, you're _soooo_ funny and we are _dying_ to hear one!- she says turning her face to him and licking his neck. The Joker just widens his eyes and put his hands in the air in mock surrender. He pulls Harley away and motions her to the chair.

**Nobody dares to talk. They must be **_**thinking "Ok. We are in a room with 3 psychos, armed and dangerous, and two of them were going to have sex in this very table. Just lovely"**_** Hearts just rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, but nobody is paying attention to her…what with the scene being displayed in the other side of the room.**

-My public always demanding _more and more_! That's because I'm _reaaaly goood_, and I'm not talking only about _Jokes_, right Harls? Are you that good, _gents?_ What do your _fat and old wives_ say? - says the Joker standing again at the head of the table, as Harley sits in her chair, looking up at him with adoration- Anyway, who am I to say _no_ when my public demands more from me? _Hmm?-_ he ask to the people in the room. Nobody answers- The thing's like this- he starts the joke- we have this girl, bored at home, at night. She doesn't have friends, and spends the nights alone cause she doesn't have a boyfriend or anything. So, surfing the net, ya know, _bank accounts_, and then she sees that the numbers of this _nice accounts_ have a _lot of zeros_...but they are not linked to any important company! _So she asks herself..._

-_Curioser and curioser-_ Hearts interrupts him in a bored, long suffering tone.

-Ya always have to _interrupt_ my jokes?- he turns his head to her annoyed. Now the people in the room look at her as if she were crazy_: "doesn't she has a sense of self-preservation to know not to interrupt him?" _

-I'm sure you were going to say _"why not?"_ or _"one more little prank..."-_ she says taking a sip of her tea with an indifferent tone- and that _doesn't fit me_. Sorry. _Go on_-she motions him with her hand.

-_Welll_- he continues annoyed- so she thinks "_curioser and curioser_" because it seems that she was _OCD with Lewis Carol!-_ he shouts at her, making all the people of the room jump in their sits. She is unaffected by his outburst and just shrugs- Happy?- he asks sweetly but with a menacing tone.

-I certainly am a _lot of things_, but _OCD_ is _not_ one of them- she states flatly swirling her spoon in her fingers- _Right Harley_? you're a _psychiatris_t- she says. The mobsters look at Harley. _"is that clown a shrink?_"- Do I have OCD? What is your _expert _opinion?- Hearts asks, again distant and disinterested.

-_Well_- starts Harley, standing next to the Joker with a business-like tone- my diagnosis regarding both of you is that you're sociopaths, psychopaths, schizophrenics. Zero empathy. _Sadistic_. Regarding Hearts specifically- she motions at the redheaded woman who just nods in acknowledgement- she has _bipolarity type II,_ her depression is certainly stronger than the mania. On the other hand the Joker has bipolarity type I, meaning his mania is stronger that his depression, the last one sometimes _never_ appears. In mania periods he entertains himself _killing people_, but it's ok: _sex with a bipolar in a maniac state is outstanding-_ she says in a professional tone, dead serious. The men in the room look at her as if she were growing another head- But definitely _no OCD for any of you_, you seem to act in _random_ ways and don't have any kind of _ritual_- she ends, smiling- At least, that's my conclusion after living with both of you for _six months_- she sits again in her chair, loudly smacking her gum-

-What about _you_, Harley?- the Joker asks, clearly amused.

-Can't make a _self-diagnosis,_ Mistah J- she answers sweetly, blowing him a kiss and smiling from ear to ear- I'll simply say I love my husband and whoever _dares_ to say something against him _will die_, in a painful and slow way. Probably including _this hammer..._ and believe me I wont _hesitate_ one second... _nothing, zero!_

-_Whatever_- he continues the Joke- The joke is: A simple girl, that barely reaches 5 feet... stole _all your money_ because she was _bored_ at night. In the process she found out about _your little dirty secrets_... and now you're _doomed_. All that while buying her _bro_, that would be _me_- he points at himself- _a pair of shoes on e-bay_, spreading a_lll the money_ around the world, creating small accounts under ghost company names cause she was feeling…._creative that night_- he says smirking and putting his hand on the table- _You are poor as rats, gents. TADA!-_ he lifts his arms in the air and makes a mock reverence. The men are still silent. They can't believe this is actually happening and it's not a simple nightmare. One takes the chance to see if it's a nightmare and slaps himself: _"no, its real"_

-_Good one,_ Mistah J!- Harley congratulates him

-As always, _brilliant on the stage_- says Hearts cooly- you got a 10 out of 10. At the beginning I had my _doubts_ that you wouldn't make it...but the _punchline_ and Harley's _improvisation_ made up for it- she says as if she was a critic- Outstanding, I highly recommend your..._stand-up performance._

-Now you're a _critic_?- he asks her annoyed

-Among other things I do _exceptionally_ well- she crocks her eyebrow- you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about_, dear brother_- she smiles sweetly and he starts giggling nervously-

-Yeah! like _naming stuff!-_ He recovers quickly- Ya think ya can come up with any names for our…_pals here?_

-Already have. I have _two options_, I'll let them _choose_- she states- If you don't mind, _I'll take it from here_- Hearts stands on her feet and starts walking through the meeting room, passing behind each of the mobsters- We promised a business meeting, and we'll have a _business meeting_. So gentleman, we've had our _entertainment_, the clowns have made their show. Now it's time to _get serious_.

-You…_bitch_! You stole our money and think you can just _walk away_?- shouts the African American man to her. Hearts only stops walking and stares at him raising an eyebrow-

-Indeed- she answers unaffected-

-I'm having _déjà vu_…where did I hear _that…?-_ the Joker mockingly muses to himself, well aware that everybody is listening to him_- hmm?_ Oh yeah, _Gambol_!- he shouts to the man who called Hearts "bitch". He just lowers his head and starts trembling at the memory of Gambol's death.

-Doesn't matter. Gentlemen. I'm a serious _business-woman_ and…- Hearts continues her speech.

-You're just a _freak-_just like _them_! You're calling them _clowns_. Have you ever looked in a mirror? _Maldita cabrona, puta de mierda_!- says the young Mexican man, livid and not afraid of the tiny woman.

Hearts only smirks.

-Oh but Mr. Gonzales…- she says with a gentle voice, approaching him- _como esta su familia?_- she asks him standing right behind him, lowering her face to his level_- Su esposa, Jimena? Todo en orden? Su hijo, el menor, de 7 años? __Brian? Me entere que obtuvo un F en matemáticas, tendría que pasar mas tiempo con el…_- she starts rambling

-_Co..como sabe de mi familia? __Sabe español_?- the man asks her beliwerded-

-_Sí, se español, entre otras cosas…-_ she answers with a smile in her face, reaching to the manilla folder in front of him, labeled "Mr. Ricardo Gonzalez"-_como que cierto señorito que dice ser muy macho no es tan macho macho man... y le gusta besar y hacer "cositas" con nenes rubios. ¿tiene una cosa por los ojitos celestes, tal vez, Señor Gonzáles? ¿o prefiere que le diga señorita y le de una peluca y una pollera? En esta sala solamente sabemos español usted y yo... como lo puedo decir en español lo digo en ingles, además tengo pruebas. __Yo siempre tengo pruebas. _- she says opening the folder and showing him some pictures of him kissing another man. Mr Gonzales pales- …So…_shut up?_- she ends sweetly, closing the manilla folder.

-_Sí, señora_- he answers trembling. The Mexicam must be thinking something like: _"Holy shit...who is this woman and how did she find out?"_

-_Muchas gracias_!- she stands up again and starts walking through the room- As I was saying before getting interrupted by _Mr. Gonzales here,_ I'm a serious business woman, and I can assure you my skills are _outstanding_. Nobody will _ever_ reach me. And as a matter of fact, you should be _thanking me_... the _DEA_ was about to get to your accounts, and with them, they'd have enough proof to send you on a direct, one-way flight to _County_. I relocated the money and saved your _sorry asses_. Take a bow to your Queen. I'm you saviour, _your own personal Jesus-_

-We can _buy_ judges and get away with it! We don't need you, _bitch!_ –This time it's the blonde man who interrupts her, lividly.

-Ok, that's the _second_ time I've been interrupted- she comments in annoyance, approaching him- And I don't like being interrupted. _No, I don't_.- she muses to herself- I don't like being called a _bitch_, either. There's only _one person_ who can get away with _that_- she says pointing to the Joker with her spoon, who raises his eyebrows and walks towards them- _You know..._complaining about your money disappearing won't help you, and neither will calling me _names_- she whispers in the man's ear-... You made a _big mistake _interrupting me while I had a _spoon_ in my hands, Mr_...I-don't-care-what-your-name-is-_ she says bitterly letting everybody listen-...So let's just say that if you don't see it happening..._it doesn't hurt_- she finishes in a sinisterly sugary tone.

Suddenly the Joker grabs the man from behind, holding him tightly to the chair- You _didn't_ see your money disappear- she shouts bitterly putting the curvature of the spoon just under his eyelid as the man is shouting and trying to escape, still being forced down by the Joker. She pushes the spoon further into the eye, burying the bowl almost completely. Then in a swift, effortless movement she takes the spoon out of the eye-socket...removing the eyeball perfectly, the cut nerves dangling out.

**The rest of the men in the meeting-room don't dare to move, horrified. But to deter them from escaping Harley opens out of the bag she's been carrying and pulls out a machine gun fully loaded aims it at them with a wide grin. **

-_Does it hurt?-_ Hearts asks in mock sympathy, rivers of blood running trough the man's face while the Joker laughs out loud. The only answers she gets from the man is a painfully cry- _Hmm._ Maybe because I only poked _one_ eye out, I'll see what happens if I take _the other_...- to the horror of the audience she pokes the other eye out. She holds both eyeballs in her red gloved hand, looking at them carefully. Then she turns to the man who is bleeding to death. The Joker just drops him in the chair. He passes out, seemingly dead. Still, she bends her head to his and ask him in mock innocence- Still hurts?- the only response she gets is a barely audible moan- Oh well. I guess I've been proven _wrong_. But _anyway_…- she shrugs-_Bye, Mr.I-Don't-Care_- she says bitterly, enunciating every word. Suddenly she stabs him in the neck with the other side of the spoon in one liquid movement, putting all her small strength in the task.  
Then she pulls out the spoon, dumps the body to the floor and smirks.

-Ten out of ten, outstanding sister!- says the Joker clapping and laughing maniacally- _bravo!_  
- Do you think I could use these as _earrings?-_ she tells both Harley and the Joker, putting the eyeballs next to her ears. The Joker starts laughing out loud- I'll take that as a _"no"_ - She walks to him and hands him one of the eyeballs, putting the other in her pocket-_Souvenir_- she whispers loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. The look at each other, their clothes stained in blood. After two infinite seconds of silence, they erupt in maniacal laughs, the Joker punching the table while she looks at the eyeball. Soon after, Harley joins them giggling, still holding the machine gun After a couple of minutes, their laughing starts to fade and finally Hearts takes a deep breath and continues to talk.

- Gentleman, please, don't interrupt me. _It's really rude_- she says flatly- As I was saying before getting interrupted by mister I-don't-care-his-name-was, re_st in peace his poor soul_- she motions her hand to the corpse- _I saved you_. Certain _bat_ I'm not going to name but everybody here knows about...recollected proofs and sent them anonymously to the DEA. I stepped in and you're safe. But enough of my rambling and to the point. I offer to take care of all your money, the bat will never even touch a single hair from my head. That would cost _half of your money_. And the other half goes to my dear brother, as it was arranged before. Half of the money for killing the bat.

-The judges, we could have bought them! What about our money?- the Italian man begins.

-_Judges, judges, judges..._really! You could _certainly_ buy _them_- she agrees- But in the end..._my family here_- she motions to the Joker and Harley- we are the _ultimate judges_. And that's our _price_. You may have noticed that my name is Queen of Hearts. Not only a Lewis Carol character, she is also a card from the French deck. And you know something about _French monarchy?_ It was absolute. _We are absolute._ _We_ decide whatever we want to do with _you._ The difference between french monarchy and my family that... _nobody will cut our heads off._ We're _literally_ unreachable. If you want to walk away in _one piece_...I highly advice you to _do as we say_. And for the so called money...this is not about money- she says as if it were ridiculous-  
-This gents, is about _power_- grins the Joker- We are the Criminal Royal Family of Gotham. _A grumpy serious queen_- he motions to Hearts who is cleaning her spoon with a handkerchief- _a beautiful fairy tales princess_- he hugs Harley from behind and places a kiss in her neck, looking at the men in the room darkly- and her _charming prince-_ he ends pointing to himself-

-Hearts, you said that ya were going to come up with a name for our friends and make them choose?- Harley reminds her.

-Oh, right, Harley! _Silly me_!- she says in mock embarrassment-Thank you, you're always so _sweet_, a little fairy tales princess indeed- she smiles sweetly to Harley- So glad to have you as a sister–in- law! She faces the Joker- Let me tell you Jay, you are one lucky man to have such a _beautiful wife!-_ she congratulates him mockingly-

-I'm glad to have you a sister-in-law too, Hearts! And Puddin' is really _sweet_ too! And he's sooo cute, don't you think?- she gushes.

-Oh, girls, you're making me _blush_!- says the Joker in fake embarrassment, pulling away from Harley and standing between "his girls"- I feel _sooo_ flattered. Anyway, the names, Hearts?-  
-Of course. You choose gentleman. Keep doing your job, keep making money...and you'll get a _high salary_, your life style _wont_ change. In that case you'll be our..._employees._ Now, if you decide that you don't want to keep on working in this business, your money will disappear forever and you will still be at our mercy. There, in front of you, you have manilla folders with your names on them. _Open them_. See what's in there.  
**They do as she says, and all of them pale. In those manilla folders there some interesting facts about their private lives, all of them embarrassing, all of them shameful, all things they've been trying to hide from all of their lives. And everything, all of it, is there, lying in a seemingly innocent manilla folder.**

-_Creepy_, isn't it gents?- says the Joker, lifting an eyebrow and in a conspiratory tone- So....if you don't want your biggest secrets out, could be Internet, TV, news, _your families..._you'll work for us and do as _we_ say. And if you still refuse to _co-operate_...you won't only be poor and in jail..._but humiliated to death_- he grins tilting his head.

-Gentleman, if you choose the last one...the name is called being our _slaves_. You don't have to choose now...you have two hours starting from now to let us know. You already have my e-mail. The account will be deactivated in 2 hours. So choose quickly… _or we'll choose for you_- Hearts finishes.

-This building is going high sky _in 5 minutes_, and the elevators aren't workin' ! _Run Forest, run!_ - Harley exclaims merrily- We're doin' the same, we have an helicopter waitin' for us on the roof. _Bye bye muah!-_Here she blows an overacted kiss- have a great day!-She heads to the door and disappears through it. The men start to rush to the door desperately-

-_Run Forest, run!_ Good one Harley dear. You'll get a _cookie_ at home-the Joker shouts to her- _Bye guys! _

-Good day, gentleman. I hope you have nice weekend- Says Hearts, also disappearing through the door. Most of the men are out of the meeting room now, only three of them remain. The Joker begins to exit through the door, but stops in his tracks.

-Oh! Someone give this tape to the TV stations-he says, throwing several tapes in the table. Those are copies of the _"PJ Party"-_ I want them to be the main news today! If not…I'll start pulling _magic tricks,_ ya know...making things _appear_ and others _disappear_- he says cracking his neck and smiling- The Joker's back. I'm not old news, _I'm the news_!- he shouts, his tone happy yet dark and menacing- TADA!

**Well, that was "Business Woman" after that they appeared in almost every TV station from coast to coast. And yes, since that moment they have been known as "The Royal Family of Crime". I think the three mobsters that got the tapes send them anonymously. It's not shown in the tape, since we saw the last part from the black throne, but while escaping, Hearts fainted in the helicopter and slept ten hours in a row. Those sedatives were strong.  
Anyway, we have another one to see, don't worry. It's short. And it doesn't matter from which throne you watch it. This won't change. "Barbie Girl" is a film from Hearts' subconscious. **

**It's a white space, there is nothing in it. Only two people. One of them is Harley. Well...what is **_**supposed**_** to be Harley**_**. It's not**_**. It's just an oversized Barbie doll. If you look closely, you'll see her eyes are painted baby blue with some white spots, as if they were the lights in her eyes, blank and unblinking. Her skin is made of plastic, smooth and perfect. Her long blond hair, almost touching her waist is perfectly straight, smooth and shiny-it looks photo-shopped from a shampoo commercial. She is wearing something resembling her doctor clothes, but they are Barbie-like: tight, sexy and pretty. She has a smile painted permanently across her lips, revealing her perfect white teeth.**

But even if all those details are important, the most important thing is in her _**hands**_**. She holds **_**pills**_** of every color and size in her palms, offering them to the only other person in this empty space.**

_**Hearts**_**. She is there as well, tiny and ugly, without her make-up on. Her skin is dry, irritated pink spots spreading across her face. Her small lips also dry, are parted and pale, lacking her red lipstick. She is wearing the oversized shirt, vest and pants. But no tie, no coat, no gloves.**

She looks _**livid**_**, about to **_**cry**_**. Suddenly she cracks her neck and runs to Harley, who is still standing there emotionless.**

Hearts stabs her, tries to poke her eyes out with a spoon, shoot her or do any harm at all. She cuts her everywhere, but it is useless. Harley still stands, emotionless and immaculate. _**The Perfect Doll.**_****

Hearts, panting, drenched in sweat, her shabby hair even messier, is now incensed. **She begins screaming at the unblinking doll: **

_He is mine! Mine! Not yours! _My_ husband, _my_ brother, _my _best friend,_ my_ creation! He is _MINE_! Stupid blondie, you are nothing to us but a _doll_! Just that, you're a tool, he only keeps you here for _me!_ He keeps you here because he cares about _me!_ And one day I'll get a replacement and you will beg me to kill you cause I'll torture you, I'll kill you...he is _MINE_...only _mine_..._my_ husband...he loves ME, and only _me._ You may sleep with him, you may kiss him...but in his mind...he is kissing _me_! That H in his hand is for _Hearts,_ for ME! _My_ husband-NOT YOURS! My husband-!_

**Well...let's stop this here. This film is eternal, always lurking in the back of her mind, repeating over and over again. You'll never see anything different here.**

**Let's go. **_**The Royal Family **_**are about to wake up. **

**Have you ever wondered why Hearts was so nervous about you when she first saw you? Why she seemed so... **_**irritated**_**? It wasn't just Harley, she's been living with **_**that **_**for years. And it wasn't simply your presence. Have you stopped to consider why she didn't have her pack of cigarettes handy, as any **_**regular smoker**_** would have? Why she had to dig for them?**

**  
It wasn't your presence disturbing her... it was something else. But **_**what?**_

**You'll find out in the morning. **

**Maybe. Maybe **_**not.**_

_**It depends if she can take it any longer.**_


	7. Watching TV: Criminals At Large

**Welcome again, sorry for getting you **_**stuck**_** with Female Narrator, she' s so…**_**annoying**_**, I hate her sometimes really, she's always **_**"oh I'm soooo organized, we'll do as I say blah blah blah"**_** the girl is so full of herself, sometimes all I want to do is kick her hard in the …**_**mouth**_**. But I have to admit she has **_**great boobs...**_** and a **_**great ass to match!**_** I do hate her sometimes...yet there are those other times when she is **_**witty**_**, **_**funny**__**and well...**_** I'm **_**conflicted**_** you see. anyway, I'll stop my rambling. They are coming.  
This time you're **_**invisible**_**, so they won't be talking directly to **_**you**_**. **

**Sorry. Let me re-phrase that- **

_**He**_** is coming. Hearts is not with him this morning. I know what's going on. I won't tell you much, but...**_**she had it coming...**_

_**Don't blame her.**_** It must be **_**difficult**_**. Let's go to see what's going on with **_**her**_**—HE won't be doing anything interesting. Just having some **_**breakfast**_**.  
She is in the bathroom, crying and weeping in the floor... **

-_Shit!_ I can't believe it, it's three weeks, _three weeks_! –

_**OOOPS! **_**You shouldn't be seeing **_**this**_**, Boss is gonna shout a me **_**so hard**_** my ears **_**will bleed!—**_**really. It'll ruin the **_**Joke**_** and you'll find out later anyway. **

**Let's go back to the kitchen. **

**He is looking for something in the fridge-  
**-Great, we don't have milk. I think _someone_ is going to get himself _killed_ this morning! If I say_ 'I don't want to run out of milk,_' it means exactly _that!_

_**See?**_** Nothing **_**interesting**_**. He will **_**kill**_** the guard that's supposed to bring the food and groceries and get **_**another**_** one to do it. Nothing really interesting, unless he goes all **_**creative**_**. Which he **_**won't**_** without an **_**audience**_**. And as Hearts isn't here and neither is Harley, and he doesn't have a video camera on hand... he'll just shoot him and be **_**done with it**_**. But Harley's gonna get slapped or kicked out for this one—she's supposed to make the **_**grocery list.**_

**And she forgot one little detail: **_**the milk.**_

_**Welcome to a normal day in the life of the Joker! **_

_**What?**_** Did you **_**seriously**_** think that they went out every day to **_**blow up something**_**, or to go on a **_**killing spree,**_** looking for **_**Batman**_** to catch them? **_**Nah,**_** they only do that if they **_**feel like it**_**. If not… they simply **_**"stay at home".**_** It's not a **_**job**_**, more like a **_**hobby**_**, if they started to have working **_**hours**_** and **_**shifts**_** and **_**schedules**_**… they would get **_**bored**_**. And as the Joker usually says: **_**"if you do the same act too many times for too long they'll get used to it, and they'll get…bored" **_

**Yet even they have a monthly routine—**_**of sorts**_**. They don't realize they actually have a **_**routine**_**, and they would be embarrassed **_**to death**_** of they realized that The Royal Family of Crime, **_**The Agents of Chaos**_** had a **_**monthly routine**_**. But really, they aren't all that different from any other family if you tale out of the picture **_**that:**_**  
a) They are **_**terrorists**_**.  
b) They are **_**psychos**_**  
c) Two of them are **_**lovers**_** and pretend to be **_**siblings**_** so the supposed wife **_**doesn't**_** find out about their relationship  
d) They are being chased by a **_**traumatized rich playboy that dresses up as a Bat and fights crime with high technology gadgets...  
**_**Wait. No.**_** Sorry.  
**_**They are **_**not**_** normal, how **_**stupid**_** of me. They aren't normal-they just have a monthly routine. **_**Period.**_

**Their routine would go something like this—although it's **_**not**_** to be taken in literal chronological order, but they always do **_**certain**_** things. **

**They pay the guards, ask the Top Guards for **_**reports**_** to see which of them are **_**"worth keeping",**_** kill the **_**rest**_** and get **_**new ones.**_** Why would anyone work for people who **_**kill**_** their servants? Simple: **_**Money**_**. They pay a **_**really**_** high salary, and a poor person, if approached the **_**right way**_** and if **_**desperate**_** enough, will almost always work for them. And obviously, there are those just looking for adventure, which have dreams about being part of the family, who think that the life of a criminal is **_**glamorous**_** and **_**exciting**_**.... **

**Those are the ones that get disposed of within the **_**first month.**_

**Then there's **_**Hearts**_**. Hearts always has her monthly breakdown to **_**depression**_**, crying over anything even relatively important, for example **_**(not exaggerating)**_** losing a **_**lighter**_**. Then, the Joker stops her. **_**"To big problems simple solutions." **_

**Harley gives her enough pills to take down an **_**elephant**_**…and The Joker takes advantage of the situation, saying that he wants to "take care" of his "lil sister" and **_**sleeps**_** with her. Now, see my word choice: I said **_**sleep**_**, not **_**"have sex".**_** He prefers when she is depressed, just to hug her and sleep next to her as if she were his personal teddy bear. **_**Period**_**. Maybe if he gets lucky enough she hugs him back, gets one or two kisses. And as far as I know...that only happened **_**three times**_**. And every time she wakes up, she **_**tries**_** (again, see my word choice: **_**tries**_**) to punch him for taking advantage of her being **_**"weak".**_

**As you have seen, she is truly **_**cold**_** with him most of the time.**

**Then, they always kick Harley out—**_**at least once a month.**_** The Joker always gets **_**annoyed**_** at one point for **_**any**_** reason, concrete or **_**not**_**. Maybe because she called him "**_**Puddin**_**" in the wrong moment, maybe she forgot the milk or **_**something**_** in the grocery list, or perhaps tried to do something **_**on her own**_**, got out of the warehouse without **_**permission**_**, killed someone out of **_**frustration**_**...Anything, it doesn't **_**really**_** matter. Thing is: **_**"Kick Harley out once a month".**_

_**Why?**_** Just to spend some time alone with Hearts and **_**try**_** to get his way with **_**her**_**. Again, see my choice of words: **_**try**_**. Which isn't to say he always **_**succeeds**_**, but he does get his way at least **_**once**_**. Then Harley goes to Poison Ivy, also known as '**_**Red'**_** (and lesser known by the nickname Hearts gave her: **_**Poison Bitch).**_** But at any rate, Ivy gives her a feminist speech and tells her to abandon her "**_**husband**_**" to no avail. After a week, she comes back or the Joker calls her back. If not, Hearts goes to bring her back saying that the Joker **_**"is not the same without you"**_**, crying a little about her brother's depression. At which point Ivy shouts at Hearts saying that she is just a "**_**manipulative bitch and you dye you hair red, I'm a natural"**_** to which Hearts always responds with something between the lines **_**"that's the only thing fake on me, so what do you have to say Miss Isley, or should I say Miss Silicone?".**_** Then they'll start a cat fight—while Harley tries to separate them before they **_**kill each other**_**, i.e. Ivy stabs Hearts with a needle full of **_**some poison**_** or Hearts getting a gun and pulling the trigger or stabs her with anything she gets her hand on. Then Harley packs her things, gets into Hearts' car (or whatever vehicle she decides to use) and goes with back to the warehouse, crying and saying "**_**sorry**_**" in her **_**"Puddin's"**_** arms. **

**Some words about Ivy and how she met Harley. Ivy used to be a **_**biologist**_**, a very **_**respected**_** one for that matter. And she was **_**greedy,**_** one day Harley offered her a "**_**job**_**" for a huge amount of money to take care of the **_**drugs trade**_**, plus **_**political connections**_** to make any kind of **_**research**_** in whatever country she wanted. That was **_**Pamela Isley**_** until she was discovered to work for the **_**Family**_**, avoided County by acting as if she thinks she's a **_**plant**_** and got in **_**Arkham**_**. For which she had to made up **_**"Poison Ivy"**_** persona and say some **_**bullshit**_** about her being **_**"toxic"**_** and **_**blah blah...**_** the thing is that she was catalogued as **_**schizophrenic**_** when she's **_**sane**_** most of the time. **

**She **_**does**_** love plants, nature and she is a ecologist... but she's not **_**crazy enough**_** to think herself as a **_**plant**_**. She's a highly qualified **_**scientific**_** who's too greedy for money and knowledge... **_**that's Poison Ivy. **_

**She's been always a strong and independent woman, and seeing her **_**employer/friend**_** being beaten.. as any good friend would do she opens the doors for Harley everytime she gets **_**kicked out.**_

**I know, I know some comics portrayed her as a **_**lesbian**_**, being in love with Harley. I'll just say something: **_**NO**_**. That's **_**not**_** the way it goes. She slept once (Once!) with her when the joker broke her leg and several ribs, Harley was depressive and in some way, Ivy felt **_**motherly affection**_** for the **_**poor girl**_** who behaves like a **_**teenager in love with her abusive boyfriend**_**... she needed some affection, to know someone was there... **_**and that's all! **_

_**Anyway**_**. **

**Then obviously **_**(and just for the fun of it)**_**, they will rob **_**one or two**_** banks, not making a **_**big deal**_** about it, just killing one or two people for the **_**cameras**_**. They **_**love**_** to film bank robberies and send them to the **_**TV stations**_**. Usually Harley is the one with the camera, she doesn't like to be involved in the killing **_**most of the times.**_** When it comes to **_**crime**_** she prefers **_**museums**_**, at night. She likes **_**paintings**_**, or **_**historical objects**_** which she keeps in her private room. Obviously she gets **_**mocked**_** by the rest of the family to no end for **_**that**_**.  
They love seeing the media make a big deal out of it and starting **_**mass paranoia**_**, asking if they are about to go in a **_**killing spree**_**, blow up things in "**_**play**_**". That would mean...blow up **_**something**_** and start playing for **_**Batman**_** to come out and **_**get them,**_** killing **_**politicians**_** and trying to demonstrate the **_**Joke**_** that nobody understands **_**but them**_**. Harley **_**kind of**_** gets the Joke, but **_**not**_** fully. To her, it's more a vague, indefinite **_**theory**_** instead of concrete, **_**true fact.**_

**So the Joker and Hearts are the ones **_**laughing**_**. They saw the **_**Joke**_**. **

_**So will you. **_

**They don't go out to **_**play**_** that often…only when they feel like playing with the **_**Bat-Brat**_** (that one is an invention of the Joker). **

**When it comes to a simple **_**bank robbery**_** (which is down-right **_**stupid**_**, they must be the **_**richest**_** people in all of Gotham…except of course, **_**Bruce Wayne**_**), they stage them in **_**broad daylight**_** just to be sure not to get interrupted by **_**Bat-Asshole**_** (another invention of the Joker). **

**And…that's usually what they do ever**_**y month. **_

**Of course, they **_**never**_** run out of **_**money**_** with the mob working for **_**them**_**. **

_**True fact about the mob, Mafia, or drug lords:**_** No matter how many the Batman takes out of the **_**business**_**, for everyone you **_**take down**_**, **_**two new ones appear. **_**Sad, but **_**true**_**. That's why they're so **_**rich**_**. They don't **_**care**_** about money, but they **_**know**_** it's something **_**good**_** to have. **

**They've spent some time in **_**Arkham**_** in the last **_**five years**_**. It seems that every time they go out to "**_**play**_**" the Batman catches one or two of them. But never the **_**three**_** of them. He never got **_**Hearts**_**, mostly because she never **_**actually**__**goes out**_**, she just stays at the warehouse, hacks the TV stations, makes up a **_**monologue**_** of something she **_**"doesn't like about society"**_** (which is pretty much **_**everything**_**), and giving **_**hints**_** of what's next in the **_**"to blow up list"**_** of the **_**Family**_**…and then killing someone in a **_**gruesome way.**_** She broadcast **_**live**_** and on all channels. People are usually **_**terrorized**_**...but they have the option of turning the TV **_**off. **_

…**But they **_**don't.**_** They are **_**morbid**_**...they have the **_**option**_**. But they want to see...**_**curiosity and morbosity**_** it's definitely a **_**good mix**_**. Next day they'll have something to talk about at work, **_**right?**_

**Then they go and blow up something that **_**nobody**_** thought they were going to **_**target**_**. For example, she talks about not liking **_**public transportation**_**. She talks about **_**buses**_** and kills a **_**buss driver**_**. And then...they blow up an **_**airport**_**. It's **_**subtle**_**...she talked about "**_**transportation**_**", and they thought about **_**buses**_** and **_**subways**_** as targets...but because she said "**_**public**_**" they didn't think about the **_**airport.**_

**Then the Joker **_**mocks**_** them saying that they told **_**exactly**_** what they were going to blow up…**_**and they just didn't get it**_**. He broadcasts live, too.  
Harley **_**kidnaps**_** people most of the time, and takes care of **_**The Mob**_**, scaring them enough to **_**shit their pants**_**. Most of the times she doesn't **_**kill**_** but she does injure someone **_**pretty bad. **_

_**  
**_**The Joker, however, simply **_**loves**_** to kill and tries to be in the **_**front line**_** every time he can, sometimes **_**dragging**_** along Harley (that's when **_**both of them**_** end up in Arkham). Thing is: most of the time they don't spend a **_**complete week**_** in Arkham. **

**If it's **_**only**_** the Joker, Harley plants bombs **_**here and there**_**, gets in with Hearts and breaks him out. **

**If it's only Harley...well, it can be a **_**month**_** maximum until they **_**remember**_** to get **_**her**_** out. The routine is pretty much the same**_**: kill people, get in and then out. **_

**The real problem is when only **_**Hearts**_** is out of Arkham...in that case, she just asks **_**Joan Leland**_** to let them out, and she opens the door **_**when**_** she says and **_**the way**_** she says. In which case I can say that Hearts **_**owns**_** Arkham and nobody knows. Her only problem is cover **_**Joan Leland's tracks**_** so she doesn't end up discovered and blame **_**the rest of the staff**_**, hacking every Arkham computer and get the names of the guards, the psychiatrists…and probably all the other people working in the building. She looks up for those she can blackmail, holds someone hostage, threatens to put some **_**"interesting facts"**_** out in the **_**media**_**…then walks out of Arkham peacefully dragging her "**_**brother**_**" and his wife. **

**Then, since it was done so **_**peacefully**_**…the Joker gets **_**bored**_** and kills the guards with the machine gun Hearts always brings to him for his "**_**whims**_**". **

**Maybe, after the "**_**escapee routine**_**" they blow up something to celebrate, but mostly, **_**that's it. **_

**About the so-called "**_**whims**_**"… that's when **_**someone**_** in the warehouse (**_**mostly the Joker**_**) feels like **_**killing something**_** and doesn't want to go **_**all the way to Gotham. **_

**That happens at least **_**twice a week**_**. And the "**_**victim**_**" is always a **_**guard**_**. But the Royal Family of Crime are certainly **_**imaginative**_** enough to come up with a "**_**reason**_**". **

**They don't need to explain **_**fully**_**, but they don't want to have a **_**riot**_** on their hands, so **_**Hearts**_** (sometimes **_**Harley**_**) comes up with a "**_**reason**_**" such as "this **_**gun wasn't fully loaded"**_** or "we are running out of bullets and you didn't realize", and perhaps**_**" you forgot to bring home the milk, never forget the milk"**_** and especially important is "**_**I ran out of cigarettes**_**" or even **_**"the dye you brought is not the color I asked for"**_** (the last one applies almost exclusively to Hearts, but sometimes to the Joker) **_**"I heard you said I'm an abused woman... "**_** (that's Harley) Anyway, someone gets killed for no valid reason more than a simple **_**whim**_**. **

**If it's the **_**Joker**_**, he'll proceed to make the goon "**_**smile**_**" then patch it up, start breaking one or two fingers, then legs and arms and punching him until he feels **_**tired**_**. Probably, if he's particularly **_**creative**_** that day (**_**not like today**_**) he'll get a potato peeler...**_**and skin someone alive**_**. Then, he'll call Harley and make her smash the guy's head with her hammer until he feels satisfied. Then they proceed to **_**have sex right there.**_** And if it's one of this days Harley isn't around he'll call **_**Hearts**_**, who will do one of her "**_**spoon tricks**_**", then they'll have a little chat, he'll try to have sex with her, and finally annoyed, she **_**may**_** just give in. **

_**Lucky guy.**_

**  
If it's **_**Harley**_**, she'll just **_**shoot someone**_** and be done with it. She's not **_**that**_** sadistic and doesn't like killing people as much the "**_**siblings**_**" do. **

**She doesn't like being referred as an **_**abused woman**_**. She **_**hates**_** it, makes her feel **_**pathetic**_**... and the **_**poor stupid**_** who says something between the lines of **_**"poor Harley"**_** is already **_**dead**_**. **

**If it's **_**Hearts**_**, she'll ask the Joker to help her, who will only be too happy to see a **_**little bit too much blood**_**. She will get **_**spoons**_** in the deal, but first she will break fingers, pull some hair out and say she will make herself a **_**wig**_**, usually that makes the Joker **_**giggle**_** but that particular **_**joke is getting old...**_**then she starts smoking and burning the poor guy's skin. And then she pokes the guard's eyes out, stabs him and is **_**done**_** with it. And then they chat about anything that crosses their minds, the Joker will try to get some **_**"quality time"**_** with her, she'll refuse because Harley is around or simply because she doesn't feel like it and then... the Joker is really **_**pushy**_** and always says something like **_**"I helped you, return the favor"**_** she still refuses and maybe she gives him one or two kisses maximum. That is, if Harley is around. If not…**_**the Joker gets his favor**_**. **

_**Lucky guy. **_

_**Wow**_**! We've been talking for almost **_**ten hours**_**! As I said, they wouldn't do anything **_**interesting**_**. Time just **_**flies**_** if I know the day will be **_**boring**_**. Anyway, it's now **_**8 PM. **_

**Now the Joker is watching TV in the living room with his legs spread on the coffee table, looking **_**bored**_** and **_**yawning**_**. **

**Harley is in the kitchen preparing the meal: **_**sandwiches. **_

**Hearts is still in her bedroom, **_**crying and sobbing**_**, muttering to herself. **

-Why? _Why_? I can't believe it! _This isn't fair!_

**She her hands she is holding...**_**uh-oh**_** you don't want to see **_**that**_**. **

_**Yet. **_

-Harley! Hearts! _"Criminals at Large"! _- The Joker shouts through the warehouse.

**Didn't I tell you they were **_**narcissists**_**? **_**No**_**? Dare you to find people more narcissistic that **_**these**_**! **

-_Comin' Puddin'!_ I look _so good_ on TV! - Harley says while preparing some sandwiches and heading to the living room.

-Yeah right! But I look better, _really_.... – he says while Harley hands him a sandwich- _Hearts_? Are you there or have you killed yourself _for real_ this time? -The Joker calls to her.

**Hearts is listening, But she's the bathroom now, cleaning the tears off of her face, her eyes still red...yes, she must have been crying**_**...almost the whole day.**_

-I'm still _alive_! I'm coming; I want to see what they say about _me_! - She says, slamming the door and heading to the living room.

**It's dark and only lit by the TV, the Joker sits in the middle of the couch with Harley at his left, who is trying to kiss him and hug him. But he is more interested in the TV than her. Hearts enters and sits at his right. **

-You know..._get a room_ if you're not interested in _this_, because I do want to see what they say _about me_- she complains annoyed- Just don't go to _mine_. Don't do it here on the _spot_, either. I don't enjoy _pornography_. I'm not a _voyageur_, it's enough I have to listen to your moanings _all night long_- she says in a cold tone, bitter.

**Harley seems pretty embarrassed and blushes. The Joker just smirks**.

-You're not _funny_, I'm always telling ya to get someone to make you _smile...-_ he smirks maliciously

-We're _not_ having this conversation- she says nonchalant-

-You're _soooooo_ alone!- he says in a fake sad tone- I'm _happily married_, you're _alooooone_... like a _leper_- he ruffles her already messy hair and she just glares at him- last time was you had _someone_ around was _Scary Pooh_ about 3 months ago... _what happened?_ Oh yeah, _he dumped ya_... - He says with mock sympathy- I don't blame him, _poor guy_... being _married_ to you must be _hell!_

-You don't even know _what_ you're talking about! - She shouts lividly, tears forming in her eyes - _And my sex life is my problem!_

-Sis, just some _advice_: - he starts, unaffected by her outburst and grinning- you'll do much better if you _smile_ a little more, and I know what _will_ make you smile, laugh and be all _cheerful_ and erase _allll_ the depression out of your life. _A nice, long, big, thick_...- he says his smile growing.

-_That's it,_ off with your head! - She shouts angry, her voice cracking- _Both of them!_

-Joker, Hearts, stop it, you're supposed to _love each other_- says Harley sweetly, trying to stop the argument- and _Puddin'_…it's really _rude_ to tell your sister something like _that_- she tells him shyly- and you know he _didn't_ leave...

-Are you _ahh_, questioning what _I_ say to _my_ sister, _pumpkin_? - He says in a menacing tone, yet somehow still sugary- and I was talking about a _barbecue_! Ya know, a _piece of meat? _- He says as if it where obvious.

**He wasn't talking about a **_**barbecue**_**. He was talking about a **_**piece of meat**_**... but not **_**exactly**_** a barbecue. Doesn't take a **_**genius**_** to figure **_**that**_** out. **

-Ok, before we start the _domestic violence routine_ and end up pointing sharp objects into each other- Hearts recovers and says in her usual cold tone- _the show people_. It's starting. I like how I look on TV, _mind you._ You know... all the contrast, red, white black..._I have the best costume here_ - She ends smugly

-_No_, you _don't_- the Joker complains- I don't know if you noticed but since I started using _purple_ the color is _in_- he states proudly. The women just look at him as if he's just started to dance ballet- And about the _make up_...I'm the best you know that, and that's _my_ idea, you're just a _copy cat_- he ends, smirking

-_Eh_...people nowadays are using a lot _red and black._ - Says Harley shyly.

-That's because it's a _classic_- Hearts says in a patronizing tone- and remember. _Red_ is _my_ color and _I_ bought _that_ costume. So again. _Me_- she states very business-like

-When did this conversation go…"_vogue_"? - Asks the Joker, bewildered. They look at each other and shrug. They start giggling for a minute or so- _Anyway_- the Joker says recovering from his fit of giggles- _I'm the best_. Everybody knows _that_. So _shut up_. I want to see _my pretty face_ on TV.

"_Welcome to "Criminals at Large" this is the first part of the special we are having about the "Royal Family of Crime." _

_Today is 4th anniversary of the death of former Gotham DA Harvey Dent. This program is in his memory. To the White Knight of Gotham, may your soul rest in peace. Your sacrifice is not forgotten, and with your legacy of justice hopefully th__ese criminals will be captured..."_

-RIP Harvey _Two-Face_. Really, every year they go around parroting about him being _oh so heroic..._big fat _lie_, he was one of _us_ in the end, _as everybody is!_ He saw _the Joke_, couldn't stand it and went _maaaaaad_! Maybe thinking about...dunno, _so many possibilities!_ Everybody's like us!

_"...Today we'll be talking about the organization that he tried to take down, even if at the time it was thought to be a single man. His efforts in capturing the Joker will be honored. But today we deal with more than just one man. We now have three criminals wreaking havoc in our city. We're talking about the Royal Family of Crime who..."_

-That would _me_: handsome, charismatic, humorous, magnetic...- the Joker says proudly-_and you happen to be around me_! - He says smirking.

-I'm not your _sidekick_; dear brother- Hearts complains- is your ego _satisfied_?

-Not until they show _my pretty face on TV_. Besides... _am I lying, Harley_? Am I _not_ handsome? - He turns to Harley with a sad face, pouting. Fake.

- You are the _best_, Puddin'- she says, sitting on his lap, putting her arms around his neck and trying to kiss him. He starts to caress her ass but avoids the kiss. The Joker just smirks to Hearts, who just yawns mockingly.

"_...__We have invited some experts in criminal behavior and political analysts to undo some of the mystery revolving this so called Family. _

_But first, let's introduce the Family member's profiles. _

_The Joker, AKA Ace of Spades or Clown Prince of Crime. Birth name unknown. His age is estimated between 25 to 35 years. Research and investigations have been done, and neither GPD nor FBI found any relevant information about this man.__..."_

-Keep _trying_, you won't get _anywhere_. I just _popped up_ out of an _old apartment_, right Hearts? - He says meaningfully.

-_Yeah_...- she answers with her eyes lost in space, her voice empty.

-You're depressive _again_- he notes annoyed.

-They'll talk about _me!_ - Harley exclaims in excitement, leaving the Joker's lap and sitting at his left. Hearts just sighs.

"_...__Dr. Harleen Quinzel, AKA Harley Quinn or the Clown Princess of Crime. The Joker's former psychiatrist working during his first and longest stay at Arkham Asylum. Dr. Quinzel was a very well know and recognized psychiatric specialist in criminal behavior. After six months of treating the Joker, she broke him out. According to our investigations, the Joker and Dr. Quinzel claim to be husband and wife..."_

-_Excuse me_! - Harley shouts to the TV- We _are_ husband and wife! But they are right I was the _best_ psychiatrist at the time! - She says proudly and smiling from ear to ear- and I'm _still_ the best out there!

-You've _always_ been a _little star_, Harley...- the Joker says putting his arm around Harley's waist and kissing her on her neck-_right Hearts?_

-_Yeah_...- she says sadly. The Joker grins maliciously and kisses Harley again, this time on the mouth-

-She _is_ depressive- he says flatly- do you want me to get you a _barbecue_ now, _sis_? –

**He says with **_**double meaning**_** that Harley **_**tries**_** not to notice. **

-Shut up, now they're talking _about me!_ - Hearts shouts at them lividly, her eyes glued to the TV.

"_...__Queen of Hearts, AKA the Puppeteer or the Soulless. Very little is known about her, Studies say that her age must be between 25 to 30. She claims to be the Joker's sister. She was never captured thus only her alias is known. The only verifiable fact comes from the FBI: she is an Eraser, perhaps one of best and most notorious hackers currently residing in the US..."_

-Really? She's a _hacker_? - The Joker asks the TV sarcastically-_Wow_, I _never_ would have guessed! - He shouts mockingly- these people is _really stupid_.

"_Jonathan Crane, also known as Scarecrow or Master of Fear, the man behind the often referred as Fear Night, which almost destroyed the Narrows. As Harleen Quinzel, he was the Director of Arkham's Asylum, with expertise on neurology and pharmacology. His involvement as an actual member of the Family is often disputed. He escaped the same night than Harleen Quinzel and The Joker, and reappeared a year afterwards in a comatose state at Arkham's doors, with a letter signed by a J and an H. Obviously, The J belongs to the Joker, but the H could be from Harley Quinn or Queen of Hearts. He's currently an inmate at Arkham's Asylum, and he refuses to speak about The Family, neither to confirm nor deny his involvement with The family..." _

**The Joker starts laughing out loud along with Harley, while Hearts just roles her eyes annoyed and puts her right hand in her face, marked with a black "J"**

- What's up _Queenie_?- Harley asks her mocking sympathy- _Ya miss him?_

- I _don't_ want to talk about this- she sighs

"_...the only long term psychiatric study on a _confirmed_ member of the family was done by Dr. Quinzel, who ironically is now part of the family, so it can not to be viewed as credible." _

-Even if my license is _revoked_ now doesn't mean that my old studies are _bad_! - Harley shouts lividly to the dumb-box- _I was the best at the time! _- She cries throwing a piece of bread at it- Hearts, do you know that guy's name? _Puddin'?_ – She addresses the "siblings" who simply ignore her.

"_So, we have invited specialists in criminal behavior..." _

-_Great_, we're being analyzed by _bad TV shrinks_ that don't even know _us_- the Joker moans in annoyance. He turns to Harley who smiles at him from ear to ear- ask me remember to get an _appointment_ so they have the _real thing_ to analyze- he says lifting an eyebrow. Hearts just cracks one of her fists and Harley sighs, putting her head on his shoulder.

-Yeah, Mistah J

" _Dr. Joan Leland, psychiatrist with a degree in criminal behavior and director of Arkham Asylum..."_

-So...she got _that_ degree? _Ha_! I got there _waaaay_ before her and she's _older_ besides- says Harley sticking out her tongue and making the Joker laugh. Hearts just rolls her eyes- _Hey!_ She actually has _the guts_ to talk about _us_ on TV when she's _our lapdog?_

"_Dr. John Ritzer, psychiatrist. Specialist on group dynamics, writer of "Gotham's Gallery of Crime", best-seller.__.." _

-That book was _buuuull-shit_! - The Joker shouts yet again to the TV. - _Hearts_? Didn't you scare _the shit_ out of him? - He asks her without moving his eyes from the screen-

-_Kind of... _listen what _he_ has to say! - She grins happily

-Oh, you're out of your _depression_ now? - He turns his face to her in suspicion but her grin only grows

" _Commissioner Gordon of GPD who met most of the members personally and lived to tell the tale. You're certainly a brave man, Commissioner" _

"_Thank you. But really, I was just doing my job." _

-_Awww_, _sooo_ modest, Commissioner- says the Joker rolling his eyes- Who's next? _Batsy?_

-_Stop interrupting._ I want to hear what they say _about me!_ - Says Hearts, still smiling-  
_"And Mr. Michael Stevenson, political analyst."_

-Just because we kill _politicians _doesn't mean we _care_ about _politics_...are these people _serious_? - Asks Hearts as if it were completely ridiculous, facing the other two, who just shrug-

"_The first appearance of the complete family was four years ago in 2009, when a tape was anonymously delivered to different TV stations with a note attached, saying "the Royal Family of Gotham wants to be in the main news today. Please do it! If not, they'll rip out our eyes." _

-I made an _impression_ that day- says Hearts smugly.

-Only because _I_ _helped you_- says the Joker flatly.

-I did _that_ before _without_ your help, mind you- she answers coolly- and I _perfected_ it since then...

"_...it is suspected that those tapes were sent by mob members. We have a censored version of the video, but even censored it's disturbing and viewer discretion is advised.__.." _

**I'm not gonna to repeat this, it's basically the same video you saw from Hearts' mind with Femme Narrator, minus all the blood.**

-Do you have to _butcher_ a piece of _art?_ It was _beautiful_ and you left only our _dialogue!._ Where's the _emotion_? The _artistry_? _Hmm_?- the Joker demands of the TV.

-They don't know how to _appreciate art_- says Hearts indifferently with all traces of a smile gone. Harley just looks away from the TV.

"_I would like to know what is your opinion on this particular video. Dr. Leland?" _

"_Well, it's obvious that they are both sadistic and narcissistic. Two very dangerous psychological profiles. They were most likely horribly bullied as children…the siblings, I mean." _

-_Reaaaly,_ Dr Leland? The people that _tried_ or _dared_ to do that are kind of _dead_! _Ohhh_ it takes a _genius_ to figure _that_ out! -Harley shouts to her ex-colleague mockingly- it's really _obvious!_ - She ends.

-_Pumpkin_, you're saying that we were _nerds_ being _bullied_ by..._pretty, popular children?_ - The Joker threatens, grabbing her chin painfully- Maybe the _Queen-bee?_

-_Sorry Puddin_- she apologizes in fear. He loosens his grip and caresses her cheek, placing a brief kiss on her mouth; his eyes wide open trying to see Hearts' reaction. She does nothing but watch the TV.

"_... They wouldn't film themselves if they weren't. Beyond this particular video, they seem to have a God complex...however, what I do find to be particularly interesting is the communication between Miss Quinzel...."_

-_Mrs_. Quinzel, I'm _married_!

"_... and Queen of Hearts. It seemed like she was being ordered by her and the Joker behind the scenes at first. I saw the complete video, and although not seen in this version, her face and her attitude at the end of the video were livid, angry and after the murder she seemed traumatized. I think this was one of her firsts of not her very first murder. About the Puppeteer, she seems to have zero empathy not only to the victim, but also for Miss Quinzel's feelings. It would appear that she likes a drama..._"

-_Oh really?_ No, that thing you're talking about is simple _foundation_, my brother bought it for me and I _couldn't_ just say _no!_ - Hearts says in a cool voice, yet full of sarcasm-

"_.... I'm talking about her voice, sweet, sympathetic but so obviously fake. I have no doubts that she is a cold-blooded killer." _

-She is _Einstein_! We are _cold-murderers,_ God, nobody would ever suspect _that_! - The Joker giggles.

"_...however, this particular sequence doesn't seem to be her idea, she has a much different style. You can establish that from other videos. I believe this was the Joker's idea. He only made his sister film and introduce herself and his wife's initiation ritual. The Joker is definitely the leader: He started the organization. It's only natural he is mastermind. As for the lack of information on the siblings, we don't have any records about them because she's a hacker, but I believe she acts on his orders. After all, her behavior states clearly: he is the director. Hence, the leader." _

- _Yeah_, I'm kind the _leader_...- says the Joker nodding in agreement, fake modesty heavy in his voice-I like her, _she's smart_. I'm the _leader_! - He shouts full of pride.

-Yes, _right Jay_; you're the _leader_- Hearts rolls her eyes- like the guy of the _Simpson's._ _Na-nana Leader! -_ She says in a singsong voice.

**Hey! Do you recognize **_**that tune?**_

-_Shut up_- She ends abruptly.

"_Dr. Ritzer? What's your opinion about this?__.." _

-Now, listen to a _wise_ and _intelligent_ man- says Hearts smugly waving her index finger to them. Harley looks confused and the Joker just lifts an eyebrow- Well...he'll say what _I told him to say_- she explains- I handle people. _Puppeteer_. - She gloats, as the Joker looks at her annoyed- Ergo, I'm the intelligent one, t_he brains of the organization!_ - She says smugly crossing her arms and lifting her nose in the air-

-You _didn't_ kill him just for him to say you're _the leader on TV...?-_ the Joker asks incredulously.

-Not _exactly_- she answers, her eyes glued to the screen- I just told him to say _something nice_ about _me_ or everybody finds out about what he did to _get his degree_- she ends smirking. The Joker just mockingly sighs and pets her head. She glares at him angrily for one moment. Then directs her eyes to the TV again.

" _I have to agree with Dr. Leland about Miss Quinzel's hesitation, and that this murder is staged as an initiation ritual. Quinzel even asks Hearts, "want to take this from here?". It would seem that she did it for acceptance. But beyond this particular video, I have a rather different take from this organization dynamics. I don't think that the Joker is the leader; I think the real leader of the family is the Queen of Hearts.__.."_

-_There!_ Good, now listen what he's got to say...

"_...__After all...she was never captured..."_

-She _never_ gets out of the warehouse, _idiot_! - The Joker shouts to the TV again.

-Oh, and _why_ haven't they found out where _we are_? - Hearts muses mockingly to herself- _Oh right!_ I made this place look like _government property_ and it's listed in the system _that way!_ - She shouts to him smugly- that's _why_...I _never_ had to spend a _single day_ in Arkham- she says in a cold tone. He only smirks and removes his arm from Harley's waist. He puts his bare hand on Hearts' ear, as if he were telling a secret.

-That's a _big, fat lie_, you spent _six months_ there, _sweetie_ and then you _lost the game_- he whispers sweetly- _Who was_ _your doctor...?_ - Continues with a mocking tone, licking her ear and smelling her hair briefly. She stiffens in her seat and pulls him away from her nervously. He giggles and puts his arm around Harley's waist again.

**Let me remind you that the room is dark, the only illumination is the TV and the volume is loud. If Harley **_**noticed**_** that her husband is kissing another woman's ear with more affection that he ever showed her ... **_**she is hiding it well. **_

-_Shut up_- Hearts answers in a cold and serious voice- you don't even know what you're talking about...

**That's part of the **_**Original Joke.**_** She **_**did**_** spend some time in Arkham. But not as a **_**doctor**_**, neither as an **_**inmate**_**. **

"_...And you have to think about their aliases. You have a Queen, a Princess and a Prince. Obviously, the higher rank is the Queen, followed in the line by her brother the Prince and his consort, the Princess. The names are really important. I also think her other alias "the Puppeteer" means she is the one controlling everything, pulling the strings. As for the Joker, my opinion is that even his first attacks on Gotham were planned by Queen of Hearts and he was only her main general, the force behind the violence. The composer, and conductor, respectively..."_

-Did that guy just said I'm a _big brainless meanie_, under my _lil sis's_ orders?- he says offended- _He's a dead man!_

-But he's an _expert!_ - Hearts grins at him.

"_...She is definitely the brain of the organization, he is brute force and Harley Quinn is just a lackey, even her alias shows that. The first "clown" is the Joker, and then appears__ a Harlequin, his assistant..."_

-Did that guy just said that I'm your _lackey_? Puddin, _I have whim!_

-_Me too._

"_...and I don't think their ages are the ones stated in the profiles you showed. I think Queen is older than the Joker. Under all that make-up and for her tone of voice, her mannerisms..she must be forty, at least. Probably sexually frustrated as well. And about Jonathan Crane, this is just an assumption, I think they were together at some point, he did something wrong and that's the reason of him being in Arkham. The H was for Hearts, not Harley..."_

-Ok he told me _old_ and _spinster_- Hearts states flatly- _Everybody_ will find out about you sleeping your way though medical school- she says in a cold voice to the TV- And the _"off with your head"_ broadcasted from coast to coast! - She shouts, throwing the remote at the TV.

-Hey, Jonny was _that bad_ in bed?- the Joker mocks her- _Damn_, even a stupid TV shrink can say _that...!_

"_...we do have pictures of him withou__t the make up, he looks young.."_

-And _handsome_, don't forget that, _Dr Ritzy!_ - He states matter of factly

-You're _right_ Puddin! You're much _prettier_ than Jude Law and Brad Pitt _together_! - Harley says cheerfully throwing herself at his arms-

-I wouldn't call Jay here _pretty_- states Hearts- Ritzer's trying to _mend_ this thing with _both of you..._but I'm _not_ pleased. _Not one bit_.

"_... About the Queen of Hearts…we have nothing. About Harleen Quinzel, we don't have many mysteries. She does what she does to belong to the family. Period. The real mysteries are the siblings" _

- _Ohhhh mystery!_ – Says the Joker sarcastically- welcome to the _Twilight Zone_ folks!

-I _love_ that book, you're like _Edward Cullen_, Puddin, but _more handsome!-_ says Harley hugging him tightly. He cocks an eyebrow and pulls her away from him roughly.

- I was talking about _the old show_ Harls...- he explains in a patronizing tone-_never_ compare me to a _lame vampy_..._uhhh I don't like it_, Pumpkin...- he says with a threat hidden in his voice-

-Sorry, Mistah J! - She apologizes quickly.

"_Mr. Stevenson, you opinion?" _

-I _bet_ he's going to say that we're _communists_ or _anarchists_! - Says Hearts

"_I don't agree with any of you. You may be correct about their mental diseases...but even if it seems they don't have a target or a goal. I think they do. I believe they have some sort of political vision, and from the looks of it, they hate democracy. That's implied by the organization's name and hierarchy. A family unit, with monarchal titles. But even beyond that, I don't think that the siblings are manipulating Harley Quinn…I believe it works the other way around.__.."_

-_Ok_...this guy smoked _pot_ before the show, _right_? - The Joker crosses his arms in frustration

-And _several lines of cocaine_ too- Hearts agrees- Mixed with a _bottle of scotch_! Let's listen to what he's saying and then we kill him, _agreed Jay? _

-Oh yeah, _dead man talking on TV!_

"_...__We do know that Harley Quinn, prior to working in Arkham made investigations about criminal behavior in County, and that she was working on another doctorate. I venture to say she knew them—or at least knew of them--before the 2008 attacks. I'd say she is just playing the part of a pawn just for disguise, we know she almost never kills, but we do know for sure the siblings are violent and mentally unstable. She is the real puppeteer. She knew them before, she is a psychiatrist, she saw potential, and she saw money. She doesn't have any morals. Probably she organized everything and planned for the Joker to be captured. She was writing a book about him. With his fame, she would have been rich. But then this girl...Queen, the hacker, must have asked about her brother, maybe threatened her... and so she had to break him out. After that, she could no longer work from the shadows, she simply posed as a pawn and made the other two do the dirty job, appearing once in a while feigning to be mentally ill. She is not. She is clever and definitely the leader. The other two are simply just two well-trained psychos. This is for money and fame. Nothing else. Maybe the siblings think they are beginning a revolution...but again, with as many symptomatic signs of mental instability and the God complex, beyond a doubt they are delusional. It would be easy for a trained psychiatrist to use these delusions to her own advantage. About Jonathan Crane, he's a psychiatrist as well. Probably Harleen Quinzel broke him out to help her to manipulate the siblings, and they probably he tried to overpower Dr. Quinzel. She simply ordered the other two to dispose of him. The H is both for Harley and Hearts, it wouldn't be difficult for a clever and intelligent woman to turn them against Crane. After all, she's probably been manipulating them for more than five years now" _

-Okay, he just referred to us as _"well trained psychos" _as if we were pets? _Harley's pets? _- He says, his pride wounded.

-And _delusional_, he said we are delusional! _Mad. Crazy_. We. Are. _Not_. He's not the only dead man. _I have a whim_- says Hearts in the same tone.

-_Me too- _he agrees.

"_That is definitely a different and very interesting theory. Now we've heard __three expert opinions… what about yours, Commissioner? You know them in person, at least two of them." _

_-__Oh oh oh I wanna hear this!_ Our _beloved_ Commissioner Gordon! - Says the Joker happily.

"_.__.. I got to know them but from my personal experience...it doesn't' really matter who is the leader; what does matter is that they are not doing this for money or fame. The Joker definitely takes pleasure from inflicting pain. I believe his only goal...is seeing people's desperation in the face of fear, blood, fire, and paranoia..."_

-He doesn't have any _psychobabble_ degree and yet he's _right_! Go on, go on, _Commissioner!_ - The Joker claps mockingly once and motions with his hand to the TV to go on.

"_...About Harley Quinn...she is just one more victim. She is manipulated by love. It's sad; I got to knew her before she started treating the Joker. And she was never as Mr. Stevenson here portrayed her. Harley Quinn is just a woman being manipulated, the few times we captured her she had signs of being not only mentally abused, but also physically..."_

-I'm _not_ an abused woman! _Liar!_ I'm not manipulated, I'm doing _this_ because I _want_ to and my Puddin' loves me, _he loves me!_ - Harley shouts furiously, tears threatening to fall from her eyes- you _do_ love me, Puddin'_, right?_ - She faces him, trying to get his attention. He turns to her, and she seems relieved.

-You met _this guy_ before, _Harls_? - He says in a sugary voice, threatening- Never told us about _that_, Pumpkin! - He slaps her lividly across the face. Hearts widens her eyes, and covers her mouth as if she was surprised and terrified...hiding her wide and malicious grin.

-Sorry, Puddin'- she apologizes tremulously- I met him _once_, when I was doing, ya know…_research_? - She tries to explain, still shaking from fear- _Please don't slap me!_ - She begs-

"_... and the Joker...he lies. He's a pathological liar. I don't believe Queen of Hearts is his sister, either. No, she appeared from nowhere, they did have to know each other before 2008...maybe, just maybe they are siblings, but still. Without DNA evidence from Queen of Hearts, we don't know anything for sure..."_

-You just said he's _not_ my brother? _Excuse me?_ – Hearts asks furiously, standing from her seat, slowly approaching the TV and pulling out a switchblade.

-Ok. We never got _too far_ with this guy...but I _don't_ like what I'm hearing- says the Joker cracking his neck and starting to play with a gun he pulled from his jacket.

-He's _sooo_ wrong! _You're siblings!_ I'm _sure_ of that! _I'm sure of it_! - Cries Harley standing right next to Hearts darting her eyes from the redheaded woman playing with a knife to her husband playing with a gun.

-We are Harley, _we grew up together_- says the Joker, twirling the gun still in his hands.

"_... this is embarrassing to admit as your Commissioner, but we don't really know anything about them..."_

-That's because you're a bunch of _fucking idiots_! Why don't you tell them about you getting help from the _Bat-Brat_, fucking son of a bitch, – the Joker stands up, shouting madly at the TV and taking aim at different objects in the living room, shooting at them. Boom boom. A lamp and the fridge, gone - Let's see what people have to say about getting help from _oh so heroic Harvey Dent's murderer_!

-They are saying soo many _lies_ for the _"greater good"…_so are they really any different from _us?_ – Hearts returns furiously.

-Oooh, we'll come out and _play_ sis! This time against _the media!_

"_...and from the looks of it, as I said... Hearts has her alias "Puppeteer" well deserved. You've been over looking her methods; we can't place her as a simple hacker, or even a superior one. She manipulates people. I had the chance to talk to one of their employees, per say._.."

-_That guy..._I want to kill him _all over again_- states Hearts unblinking, breathing heavily and swirling the switchblade in her hands.

_ "...the man came to MCU by himself, afraid of being tortured. His only task was to bring groceries to their "house" and he didn't bring the correct dyer to Queen... he was terrified, saying that the last person forgetting something from the groceries list was tortured to death for hours by both Queen of Hearts and the Joker. He said he saw the corpse and he had to dispose of it. When we asked where they were located, this man refused to tell us and had a nervous breakdown"_

-_What the fuck was he thinking?_ MCU protecting _him_?- Says the Joker aiming to the rest of the fridge. Boom. That fridge is having a hard time-Joe, _right_? That was his name? - He asks Hearts, with his eyes full of blind fury attached to the TV screen-

-Yes, I erased everything about his statements. _Easy_. But Commissioner still remembers... _this is bad!-_ she states furiously trying to slow down her breath-

-But that was about _two years_ ago right, Queenie? Puddin? - Harley asks hysterical, on the verge of tears.

"_...the following day...he was no longer in his cell. We found his body in an alley. The body had a carved smile, eyes ripped out, and also cigarette burns...fingers cut off. They are sadistic and cold-hearted. And the reports of the case were gone. She had erased them. As his face was completely unrecognizable, and all records' DNA or any information about him had been expunged from the mainframe, his true identify remained impossible to trace. But I remember his name was Joe, that's all we got to know, as he refused to reveal to us his last name__..."_

-_Lucky me!_ I can't erase people's memories. I have a _serious whim_- says Hearts coldly, her eyes still unblinking

-Me too, but I think I'm not going for a simple _snack_; I'm going for the _whole buffet_! - The Joker growls while shooting another lamp. Boom. _Gone. _

"_...This didn't get to the media because it happened so frequently... we found corpses with those characteristics all the time, but most of the times we found them spread all over Gotham, and after some research we find out that they were their employees. Turns out the majority of them had criminal records. at first, they appeared here on TV, then sad as it is, it became so common-such old news-that the networks didn't show it anymore..."_

-That happens when you repeat the same act _too many times_! And not like _petty, innocent and sweet_ citizens of Gotham are going to care about a _criminal_, right? The media, _the media_...they are just a _bunch of hypocrites_! - The Joker shouts again trying to find something to shoot at...with nothing left, he shoots the fridge again.

" _But I remember this particular case not only because he told us about their cruelty...I remember him saying that the real reason he escaped was because he saw something disturbing, and that's what he said, disturbing, between the Joker and Queen.__.." _

-Disturbing...oh yeah! _DISTURBING_! - Shouts Hearts starting to hyperventilate and shaking like a leave in autumn at the winds mercy. Not only anger. Fear. She knows what's next.

"_My point is, sorry, I've talked too much...they are not siblings."_

-LIE, LIE, LIAR! YOU BOTH ARE SIBLINGS, I KNOW THAT! – Harley shouts starting to cry fully, now completely hysteric- Right Puddin? Right Queenie? - She tries to find answers in those twin pairs of brown eyes.

-Yes_, we grew up together_- the Joker slaps her soundly, throwing her to the floor- Don't go all the way to _hysteric bitch_, or I'm gonna do more that slap you! _Shut up_! - He growls at her while she slowly gets up, she's had worse than this.

" _...They don't have rules, morality, their crimes are totally random, also their targets...we all know they blow up from hospitals to schools, several times Arkham, banks, even a kinder-garden. They don't have political affiliations, they don't care about money...they do it for fun, that's why they are dangerous.." _

-Well, at least one of them has more than _two neurons_! - The Joker starts laughing maniacally his eyes full of anger.

_...and I don't think that the J__oker and the Queen are siblings" _

Oh Commissioner_, "open mouth insert foot"!_ Keep saying _that_ and see what _happens_! -Hearts shouts to the TV the color starting to fade from her face, she can't keep her breathing steady.

"_... Joe's case was almost 2 years ago and I remember that particular case not only because its singularity. He told he saw something extremely disturbing between them. And that Harley Quinn doesn't sleep with him..."_

-I like having my personal space. _So what?_ - The Joker asks giggling and shrugging with the gun still in his hand-

"_...Maybe, just maybe...they are a couple. And even if they truly are siblings...from their personalities, I don't think incest would stop them" _

_**Boom!**_** The Joker shoots the TV.**

-Queenie, your _hyperventilating_, you're gonna _faint_. Puddin', _help me!_ I think she's having a _regression!_ - Harley shouts, desperately trying to keep her awake.

**At this point Hearts fell on the coach, hyperventilating and shaking heavily-she seems about to **_**faint**_**. Harley goes to her, still concerned about her **_**"sister-in-law" **_

**This is **_**too much**_** for her, in **_**her condition**_**, to listen the **_**truth**_** from **_**Commissioner Gordon's**_** mouth is simply too much or her **_**to bear.**_

-SHE'S ABOUT TO FAINT PUDDIN HELP ME!-

**Harley shouts desperately seeing what little color Hearts' skin has is now completely **_**gone.**_

**Poor Harley, she'll pass out, no matter what you do**_**, girl! **_

**Hearts rolls her eyes to the back of her head.... **

**She closes them... **

_**And all system's down!**_

**As always****... **_**"To Big Problems Simple Solutions":**_** the Joker slaps her hard and slashes a glass of water in her face. **

**Hearts opens her eyes slowly. **

- Ok, Queenie, _you're there?_ – He asks waving a hand in front of her face, mildly concerned.

-_Yes...-_ she answers weakly

-You made a _"just in case bomb" _yesterday, _right?_ - He asks her indifferently.

-_Yeah... _

-It's _big_ enough?

-Puddin', I don't think she's ok, she's about to have a _breakdown!_ - Harley complains, still clearly upset.

-_Shut up!_ - He growls at her and she steps back. He faces Hearts again-_It's big enough? _

-Big enough to bow up a_ TV station..._

-Ok. Harls, she's sleeping _with me tonight_, she's having a _breakdown_ and I don't want to see _my sis dead...-_ he says pulling Hearts up and starting to drag her to his bedroom.

-I need some time _alone_, no Jay, I'm _not_ sleeping with you! - She says pulling her arm back and slowly walking to her bedroom

-Queenie, maybe you _should_ sleep with _him_, if not you can sleep _with me..._ - Harley offers, concerned.

-I'm _not_ going to kill myself! - She shouts without looking back at Harley, her voice shaking and starting to cry.

-Want me to give you _something?_ - Harley runs to her, grabbing her hand-

-_NO!_ - She pulls away- I _don't_ want it, I'll be just fine, _just let me be._ I really need to be _alone_- she says trying to sound cold, but to no avail. She's fully crying now.

-Harley, let her be. You don't want to sleep in _my_ bedroom, _fine_; I'm sleeping in _yours,_ Miss _I-Want-To-Kill-Myself-With-A-Spoon._

- _I SAID NO_-she shouts to him angrily, slamming the door and locking it with a key. She sits on the floor with her back on the door, burying her face in her hands, trying to muffle the sound of her sobbing.

**At the other side of the door, the Joker is silent. Now he is **_**sure**_**. He **_**knows**_**. **

-We'll let her _alone_, Harls, _she needs it_. I want to sleep alone _too_, don't even _dare_ to put a toe there _tonight_. Tomorrow we'll start the_...uhhh_...preparations to go out and _play_. I want everybody to know about _their fallen hero._ I want _Commissioner Gordon 's _head on a plate. This is something Hearts should say but_... "off with his head!"_

**He head****s to his private room, slamming the door behind him, leaving Harley confused in the middle of the dark living room. She only sighs and smiles sadly, sitting in the floor, feeling defeated, trying **_**not**_** to think about the possibility of the so called **_**siblings**_** being a **_**couple**_** behind her back. **

**The Joker sits in his bed, and starts laughing nervously, his eyes lost in the air, starting to think if his **_**"brilliant idea" **_**was actually that **_**"brilliant".**_** He's just woke up a **_**huge monster**_**... and he doesn't know if he'll be able to **_**fight against it and win. **_

_**Commissioner Gordon**_**...he made a **_**huge**_** mistake. He shouldn't have said **_**that**_**. The Joker doesn't mind people talking **_**nonsense**_** about the family... but Gordon is just **_**too close to the truth.**_

**And that's **_**dangerous.**_

**In the TV studio, he **_**realizes**_** what he's done. He realizes that he just woke up **_**huge demons**_** to go out form their caves. He excuses himself and goes directly to his house, feeling this **_**maybe**_** the last time he gets to see his complete family **_**alive.**_

**Hearts it's in her bedroom, still in the floor, crying and **_**bitting**_** the back of her **_**marked hand**_**, someway trying to take it away **_**desperately.**_

**She's **_**afraid**_**, she wants a **_**solution**_**, she wants to **_**forget**_**, she doesn't want to remember what happened to her **_**eight years ago**_**... But she cant stop doing so. **

**I have only one word for you: **

_**Positive. **_

A/N: Yeah, I know I didn't update that fast. Thing is that I had a dance competition (again) and rehearsed until I almost lost my mind... yeah. Barely had time to be at home, actually came back from the theatre at 1 am. We won some medals, but not the first places as we're used to... anyway.  
Now I wont go to dance classes for a week (probably) so I'll rewrite faster, and the next chapters don't need too much rewrite, so I'll be done with it quickly to end the "interview" and actually start the second part of the story with Gordon, Batman, Alfred and a little surprise (yeah, one more)  
Please leave reviews and tell me what you think about this chapter...  
Nezzie... (who's starting to get really sick... again)


	8. Something Important

**Just to summarize, this is getting messy: the Joker it's a guy that appears from thin air one day and at the other he's dealing with the mob and getting half of their money to kill Batman.**

**He blows up a hospital, destroys the DA's (poor Harvey Dent, really) life turning him into a mad man with a severe case of OCD, flipping a coin to decide to kill or not to kill someone. **

**Then the Batman get his sorry ass and he ends up hanging upside down on the top of some building.**

**He ends up in Arkham. There he meets Dr. Harleen Quinzel, who falls in love with him... and breaks him out after six months. Then, after dumping her in the warehouse **_**(this very warehouse**_**) he disappears for about a week. **

**Then...he comes back with Hearts****, some unknown woman, hanging of his arm, both of them completely happy, as if life were full of flowers, rainbows and.. well, no, in their case "happy" would be bombs and a lot of blood, but you get the meaning, dontcha? Follow me till here? Ok. Harley finds out about them sleeping together...she tries to kill Hearts, who starts a big fat lie (and she's still regretting saying that, let me tell ya). They have to live up to it. **

**During the following years they wreak havoc just for fun, they get control over the entire mob's money...they are rich. They get in and out of Arkham as if it had **_**revolving doors.**_

**So...the Joker has two wives in some twisted way: Harley, who is his very **_**affectionate toy**_** and Hearts who is his very **_**efficient gun.**_

**About love...Harley loves the Joker and her so called family, but it seems she doesn't love herself **_**that much**_**. **

**The Joker loves **_**himself**_** and his power, don't let **_**anything**_** make you think otherwise. **

**Hearts loves **_**herself**_** and her power. Again, she may act like she has feelings towards someone (**_**see: the Joker**_**) but only if what he does affects **_**her**_**. **

**Hearts and Joker are trying to overpower each other every minute that passes with whatever weapon they get their hands on. Mostly, **_**manipulation**_**. In that case... Hearts was winning; after all she's a natural manipulator. Now, again note my choice of words**_**. "Was",**_** past tense.**

**That was until last month...then the Joker simply outwitted her... and now she has lost. **_**Again.**_

_**Dead people walking! **_**There you have the Joker and Hearts! **

**The Joker, as always, has his legs spread on the kitchen's table, drinking his coffee. His eyes are lost in some memory...he giggles briefly. But it's not happiness, not amusement..more like **_**nervousness**_**...more like trying to shake that memory** **off his mind. **

_**Sorry to tell ya Joker...you will never forget about that, not after what you've done!**_

**Hearts enters to the kitchen, closing the door behind here slowly, trying not to make any sounds. He feels the door opening and closing slowly behind him, but doesn't acknowledge her. Her eyes are red of crying, empty. Her face, expressionless. She stays behind him and put her hands in his shoulders, barely touching him. She's shaking slightly.**

-Jay, I need to talk to you- she tells him shyly-

- Shoot, Your Highness!- he answers in mock excitement. He knows what's next.

-Say that again and what I'll shoot will be a _gun_ against my _fucking forehead_!- she says desperately, trying to keep her breath steady.

-Ok...you're swearing. Have you realized that?- the Joker states amused. She almost doesn't swear, if not at all.

-This is a disaster Jay! A complete disaster...I don't know how it happened, what are the odds, _it says 1%...?-_ she starts with her voice full of desperation and sadness. Not fake. _That's real_.

- The possibilities are kinda _infinite_, you know _that_- he says seemingly unaffected. He's not. He's chewing his scars from the inside again- But what's _exactly_ going on with you now?-

-No, I _can't_ tell you with Harley here, I don't know how you'll _react_- she says putting an arm on his chest and her head in his shoulder. He only smiles maliciously. "_It worked"_- This must sound really _stupid_ but hold me before I shoot at myself _for real-_ she asks him seriously.

-That _bad_ for asking for a _hug_?- he says getting up and holding her, putting his chin in the top of her head- Can I add a _kiss_ to the deal?- he asks mockingly-

-No, let's hold up the _siblings charade_ for now- she says coldly, with her arms hanging on her side, resting her head on his chest and sighing heavenly-

-Well...its much more that I usually get, wont complain about it now- the Joker shrugs and laughs muffling the sound against her head.

-Jay... you know what I feel for you, _right?- _she says in a business like tone.

-You can _say it_, wont kill you, _ya know?-_ he says annoyed.

-Don't make me say it, _I wont -_ she answers coldly-You know...I don't know _why_ I'm even asking- she muses- But what about _you?-_ she says putting an arm around his waist lightly.

- _I_ wont tell _you_ if _you_ don't tell _me_ first- he says rolling his eyes, annoyed- I wont go _fluffy _here, and you already _know_ that- he resolves-

**They like playing that little game to see who slips the little **_**L word**_** first. Neither of them will because there's **_**nothing**_** to say.. They just want to see if they can find a **_**weakness**_** and win over the other**. **And** **the only **_**real**_** weakness they have it's **_**themselves**_**.**

-_So...-_ she starts with some hesitation in her voice-_ in the name of this thing we won't say aloud_..- he only laughs again and pulls her more tightly against his chest. Annoyed, she takes her arm out of his waist-_Kick Harley out. _-She says coldly-_ Right now_

-That sounds like an _order_, sweetie you know that...- he starts with a patronizing tone.

-You don't take orders from _me_?- she ends his sentence rolling her eyes_- Kick her out._ If I have to tell you this I need her in a galaxy _far far away_- she says starting to shake and sob.

-Cant be _that_ bad, maybe you're _overreacting_ like last time with the lighter- he says amused, laughing at the memory, his malicious grin starting to wide-

-you know I wasn't _overreacting_, that lighter meant _something_ for me!- she complains pathetically-

-_Under your bed,_ it was _there_!- he says in a patronizing tone, still mocking at her.

-Because you made a stupid _practical joke_ hiding it _there_- she says annoyed, pulling herself out of his arms and sitting in Joker's chair- Jay, admit it, it was _stupid_. Last time I lost _that_ lighter I went _compeletely mad..._what the fuck were you thinking?- she hisses at him trying not to shout, grabbing the end of the table hardly.

-That would be funny see you all desperate and sad _over a lighter_ and it wouldn't _hurt_...- he explains bemused- I wouldn't _let_ you hurt yourself. Won't lose you _again_, sorry- he ends coldly crossing his arms, a small smirk appearing in his face, sitting on the edge of the table.

-Keep trying and you _might_ lose me again. And you never lost me _completely_ to start with...- she says bitterly, her eyes unblinking. He unfolds his arms and tries to grab her hand. She pulls it away.

- _I still don't understand why the hell you had to go there.._- he muses to himself sadly-

**Uh-oh. Jack's starting to appear in scene...**_**ouch.**_** Reaaally stupid movement from the Joker... **

**- **Certain _stupid_ I'm staring at got his sorry ass_ kidnaped_...- she sighs- and you know _the reason_ I went to...

-Ok, we _are_ getting fluffy- she rolls her eyes and stands up at his right- the only thing we need now it's chocolates and...- she starts sarcastically-

-_Flowers_- he ends laughing trying to cover the sound not to wake up Harley- a lot of them- he ends this time laughing out loud and putting his arm around her shoulder. She takes her hand to her forehead biting her lower lip hard, trying not to laugh-

-Jay, that joke is really _old_- she says trying to hide her amusement- "_I'll put flowers in your tomb this weekend"_?- she makes quotation marks in the air mockingly- the last time I laughed with that one was about _six years ago!-_ she says trying not to laugh and failing miserably-

- C'mon, _still works!-_ he mocks her ruffling her hair- What do you say if I _still_ do it?- he says seriously. She stops laughing and just stares at him puzzled-

-Putting flowers in _my_ tomb? You are still doing _that_?- she asks him raising an eyebrow-

-_Joking-_ he says. They start laughing again, hanging on each other, she punches him in his arm and he mouths "_ouch_" mockingly. Then he snaps her in the back of her head lightly and she repeats his action.

-Much better- she says recovering- _Soooo _kick Harley out. _Now_- she ends coldly.

-Are you giving me an _order_? You know that...- he starts annoyed, a threat clear in his voice.

-You don't take orders from me? I know. _Get her out_- she says unafraid of him, her face serious-

-_Still_ sounds like an _order!-_ he says in a sing song voice, the threat more noticeable this time- Maybe if you ask _"pretty please"_ I'll do it...

-Get her _out of the way_ or I'll do it the _hard way_- she says annoyed at his antics- We need to take care of this_, quickly_. Just _one day_, we do it fast and that's all. _End of story_- she says coldly-

-So...you being so bossy just for a _quickie,_ toots?- he says pulling her close, her face still annoyed. He only smirks maliciously- Now you want me _that_ bad that you ask me for a hug, well sure I'm just _too_ handsome, _won't blame ya_!- he says kissing the corner of her mouth, her face still straight- If you're _horny_ I'll send her out _now_ and we'll have our _fun_ until I _get tired_ and I _don't_ get tired _that _easy_!-_ he says giggling, trying to kiss her mouth fully. She avoids the kiss.

**Harley woke up. She opens the door **_**soundly**_** and heads to the bathroom to wash her teeth. She kind of does that **_**on porpuse**_**. Just to be sure not to see something she rather **_**not.**_

**In the kitchen, Hearts and the Joker pull away quickly. He sits in his chair again, annoyed and frustrated. He starts drinking his now cold coffee. She makes herself a tea and sits at the other end of the table.**

-First: you _don't_ last _that_ long, _not_ without some help of the little _blue pills_- she says in a slow voice, crooking her head and smirking- Second: this is not for a _quickie_ as you put it. You'll do as _I_ say: We need her out _now_- she ends in a rush.

-Tell me _why_, give a _good_ reason, and I'll send her out for a _week_. We can have our..._quality time_. What about that? _Hmm_?- he starts to negotiate with her, also speaking in a rush. Harley is coming, they are running out of time...

_-No!_ I can't tell you now. Do as _I_ say just for once- she protest darting her eyes from him to the door nervously-

-No, I _don't_ take orders from you. _But_ I have and _idea_...- he says with a Cheshire grin.

**And the door is wide open. Harley enters smiling to the kitchen.**

_-W__hat..?_ –Hearts doesn't have time to ask him- _Morning Harley_ - she smiles to her.

-Hi Queenie- she smiles back at her- _morning Puddin_- Harley sits in the Joker's lap and kisses him in the mouth. He only deepens the kiss. Harley's eyelids are closed, enjoying of her husband affection and noticing his..._happiness_. His eyes, on the other hand are wide open, staring at Hearts, who just returns the stare crossing her arms and looking at an imaginary watch in her wrist and yawning mockingly. Harley opens her eyes and looks at the Joker sweetly. She turns her head to the other side of the table- How are you doin' Hearts? _Better?_

-She's _not_ ok- the Joker states seriously before Hearts has the opportunity to answer- She is _better_ but not _ok_- he says in mock sadness shaking his head and sighing. Fake. Fake. _Fake_- Harley if I ask you for _something_...would you do it _for me?_- he says pulling her face sweetly to him, looking directly to her eyes. She only looks at him with complete adoration.

**I don't understand why she melts every time he does that. He looks at her directly to her eyes and she's**_** hypnotized**_**. I can't go into her mind right now, but surely she must be day-dreaming about children and a proper wedding. **_**Poor girl, really...**_

-Whatever you want Puddin, _just ask me-_ she answers smiling at him closing the gap between them, their noses touching. On the other side of the table Hearts just rolls her eyes and starts tapping her foot on the floor nervously-

- Queenie and I've been talking..._she feels ugly_- says the Joker sadly.

-_Excuse me Jay?-_ says Hearts offended- I dont...!

-Don't _deny_ it, sis, you're all _depressed_ and sad since your _Birdie_..._uhhh flew away to Arkham_ - he says sympathetically crocking his head to look at her-

-What? _Jon_?- she shrugs completely confused- _what__?-_

**And the word **_**confused**_** it's not a word you see related to Hearts that often. **

-You miss _him, _Queenie?- says Harley looking sadly at her, with some _fake pity_ in her voice lost both to the Joker and Hearts. Harley removes herself of the Joker's lap and goes to hug her. Hearts doesn't have time to react, just stays there..._confused_-

-Oh Queenie it's really _bad_ to be apart from the one you _love_... want to _get him out_ maybe? - She says while Hearts just looks to the Joker at the other side of the table, motioning her with his hand to play along. Harley just crocks her head sadly to Hearts, who just lowers her head seemingly ashamed. Harley goes to sit in the Joker's lap again, this time facing Hearts.

- Puddin you're really _overprotective_- she says to him maliciously, trying not to laugh at _something_-...she may need someone to be with, she is a _big girl_, aren't you Hearts?- she says smiling at her sweetly, unaware of the Joker mouthing to Hearts (more like _ordering_ her) behind her _"yeaaah"_

-_yeah...?-_ says Hearts still confused.

-Look, Hearts I'm sorry I _ahhh_...opposed to your relationship with _Scary-Pooh_. Ya know since _that hacker ...-_ says the Joker meaningfully-

-_Yeah...?-_ she plays along, not sure what to say.

- Harley I was asking maybe you can both _go to a mall_, buy some _stuff_...?- he asks to Harley, whose smiles just widens at the prospect of some _normality. _

-Jay I don't want to buy _anything_!- Hearts protest standing up and punching the table.

- It will make you feel _better_! - He says widening his eyes, trying to make her play along. She gets his meaning. She'll play along.

_- Ok...?_ Harley? We'll do as _Jay_ here says- she says looking at him seriously, defeated- Get the black wig and the brown contact lenses for you. Use some dark foundation and civilian clothes, make it look like you're a _Latina?-_ she ends

**Oh sorry, never told you **_**that**_**. Sometimes they need to go out unnoticed and blend, mostly to collect information first hand, kidnapping someone...never to go out to a **_**mall.**_** Haha, Hearts must be wanting to kill herself, she **_**hates**_** crowds. **

-Ok, we'll have _fun_ Hearts!- Harley says happily hugging her on her back- Maybe we can get _Jonny_ out, and you can show him what _we bought_!- she starts rambling- Maybe you should consider using a _dress_ instead of the _suit_..?- she asks her mischievously-

-We'll see _that_ later- Hearts answers, still confused but showing a small smile in her mouth- Go to dress, I have to talk _something_ with Jay here and then we go to the mall.

-Perfect, what you'll be using? Tell me so I prepare it for ya!

-She'll be using the _light brown_ wig. _The long one_- says the Joker matter of factly- Nothing in the eyes. Oh and a dress, ya know, _the white one_...- Hearts looks at him completely surprised and horrified- the one I have in _my_ wardrobe-

-_NO_! Jeans and a shirt. _Black_.- Hearts recovers and complains

-Ya _never_ used the dress I..._ehh_..._got ya_- he says maliciously-

-Never will, I _don't_ wear dresses- she says coldly. Harley is darting her eyes from one side of the table to the other, like looking a ping-pong match. Doesn't dare to interrupt the _"siblings"'_ argument. _Over a dress._

-I remember once when we were kids you wanted the _little red dress_- the Joker grins maliciously. The color of Harley's face drops to white. She's horrified of the memory of what Hearts told her about the _red dress..._

-That story didn't end up _well_, I'm using jeans and a shirt. _Period.-_ says Hearts seemingly unaffected. Harley notices that something is troubling her...her minds wanders to the red dress... not the _white_ one.

-But you have to overcome your _fear of dresses_!- the Joker says mockingly- I mean, is there's any fear of dresses? I'm sure _Scary-Pooh_ knows!- he follows his rambling, mockery still in his voice...and _jealousy_. Hearts notices and smirks slightly. Harley _tries_ not to notice- Have you asked _him?_ Maybe he can cure you with _looooooove _and his pretty _baby-blues_...- he ends bitterly- after all Harley here cured me with _hers_!- He adds happily and Harley just throws herself to his arms-

-Joker, _shut up_. Harley, the jeans, you said I am a _big girl,_ you're right. I can choose what to wear _without_ my brother _ordering_ me around!

-_Puddin?_

-_The jeans_- he says defeated. This is only a small battle..._but he already won the war_.

**Harley removes herself of his arms and kisses him briefly in the mouth. She walks trough the door heading to the bathroom, where they keep all their costumes.**

**In the kitchen the silence can pierce your ears, **_**sorry for the oxymoron**_**. The Joker and Hearts are staring at each other, mirrored images. Both of them with their arms crossed and the same straight serious face.**

-Ok, _Dear Mistah Jay- _she starts mimicking Harley- what the fuck was _that_?- ask Hearts coldly-

-And you keep swearing, _impressive_- he tells her sarcastically- This must be something _big!_-

-_Explain_. I don't care what the hell is going through that _fucked up_ mind of yours- she says still in her cold tone, her face still completely serious-

-And now you're swearing for all those years ya haven't?- says the Joker unaffected- Ok. You'll go to the mall. Buy a _dress_. A short one, red very _tight and sexy_. Make it look like _Harley_ made _you_ buy it. Then you have your so called _regressions_ because we put in the whole thing together: _"red" "dress" "Jack_" . You'll _cry_ and start acting like a _child_ asking me for help cause daddy's gonna _rape ya_. And then I'll get mad at Harley, you'll _shout shout and shout._ Then...Harley goes to _Poison Bitch's_ and we have our time together- he explains in a rush.

**He is certainly imaginative to come up with **_**excuses**_** to kick Harley out. I think he gets **_**extra points**_** for annoying (more like **_**torturing**_**) Hearts to no end in the **_**same action**_**. As **_**unprofessional**_** as it is for a **_**guide**_** to admit, **_**the guy's a genius**_**. He's got **_**two**_** wives, he controls them both. Harley is **_**much easier**_**, with Hearts he has to **_**negotiate**_**... but he does gets his way **_**most of the time.**_** Or at least that's what he thinks. Because in some twisted way...**_**she controls him too.**_

-... is that ok, _Miss I-have-Something-Important-To-Tell-Ya?-_ he ends lifting an eyebrow mockingly.

-Oh it's _perfect_- she says sarcastically- don't even _dare_ to ask me to use the _red dress_ and we'll be just fine- she states business like. He shrugs- Only _one thing?_

_-Y__eah?_

-kick her _reaaaally_ hard- she tell him smiling from ear to ear- I want to see _blood_ today...I would _kill_ for a little _blood_...- she muses.

-_Whim?-_ he asks grinning maliciously-

-_not exactly_-

**Well...what do you want me to say now? Hearts and Harley are out of the warehouse. Harley is excited dragging Hearts, as if she were a small doll (an ugly one, but anyway) from store to store making one of their**** fake credit cards **_**burn.**_** Harley, poor girl, does need this kind of things sometimes. It's been literally years since she went out with a **_**"friend"**_** to shop in a mall. **_**And Ivy simply won't do it. **_**She's buying clothes and all kind of things without looking at the price tag. She also likes to make Hearts proving dresses on saying "**_**Oh Jonny would love to see you in that**_**" and start laughing, while Hearts tries not to kill her in the spot.**

_**Another true fact**_**. Nobody pays attention to their surroundings or the people walking around them, especially in a **_**crowded**_** place. It's a **_**scientific fact**_**. And two seemingly **_**normal**_** girls shopping like any other human being don't attract attention, no matter how "**_**famous**_**" they are. They could go around without wigs or contact lenses or changing their skin color and nobody would **_**notice**_** they are walking right next to a **_**terrorist**_**, because they would be so **_**self-absorbed**_** in themselves to worry about anything else **_**but them**_**.**

**The only way they would be noticed would be: In full costume, firing guns, shouting, threatening to blow up something.**

**And there you would have****: **_**Harley Quinn, Clown Princess of Crime and Queen of Hearts, the Puppeteer**_**.**

**But you see...now they are just two young women buying in a mall.**_**Period**_

**And what about **_**the Joker**_**? Well...he is just there in the warehouse, thinking about what to do with the**_** "just in case"**_** bomb Hearts prepared out of boredom...and**_** anxiety**_**. While thinking he just walks around the warehouse. He goes to his bedroom and starts to dig into his wardrobe looking for something. **_**The white dress**_**. He pulls it out and with his eyes empty, looks at it for more than two minutes, lost in **_**some memory**_** he usually doesn't want to think about. **

_**Jack is showing up too much today**_**. **

**The Joker would only use **_**that**_** thing to **_**torture**_** Hearts.**

**He puts the dress back in the wardrobe and lies on his bed, still thinking.**

_**Destiny**_** didn't stop him before. And it won't stop him now. **_**Destiny**_** for him is what the **_**Devil**_** is to a **_**Christian**_**. If **_**Chaos**_** would be a religion... he would be a **_**saint**_**, who bravely fought against that **_**Devil**_** called **_**Destiny**_** and came out victorious.**

_**Hours pass quickly.**_

_**9.00 pm**_**: Harley and Hearts eat cheeseburgers in the mall, and have some ice-cream. They get out and head to Harley's red car, starting to drive to the warehouse.**

_**9.00 pm:**_** the Joker puts a bowl of spaghetti on the microwave. Waits two minutes. He goes to his bedroom turns on the TV. **_**"Criminals at Large: The Joker".**_** He's not that interested. **_**Gordon is not there today**_**.**

_**10.00 pm:**_** the door opens. Harley and Hearts enter with some goons, who are bringing at least 20 bags full of clothes, books, computers... **

_**Mmm, ya know what?**_** This is gonna get **_**really good**_**, let me get the **_**popcorn**_**. **

**Just a minute ok? Ehh..well this will get violent and I like action movies...**_**well, not like this is a movie but anyway.**_

_**The Joker is coming trough the door.**_

**Yup. I'll get **_**popcorn.**_


	9. To Big Problems, Bigger Moodswings

**Well, here we have..****. **_**popcorn**_**! **

**Hmm I like it with a lot of sugar, **_**ya know?**_

**Here taste it! Isn't it **_**great**_**? **

_**And it's show time!**_

-Oh, you're back girls, _how was it?-_ He enters to the kitchen where Harley is watching and touching the multiple dresses and clothes she bought, her eyes shining from emotion. She pulled the wig out of her head and now its sprawled in a corner- I've been here thinking about the bomb..._all alone_- he says in mock sadness, pouting.

- Oh Puddin c'mere- Harley throws happily in his arms and he hugs her back tightly. He starts kissing her neck and she giggles happily. She starts to touch his messy green hair with one hand...the other near _his belt._

-_Mmm_ Pumpkin that's giving me _ideas_- he whispers in her ear, licking it-...but not _now_- He says pulling her out of him roughly and starting to dig into the multiple bags on the kitchen's table- Tell me did you buy something _nice?_- He asks Hearts, who is just sitting there, with her brown haired wig, her eyes lost in thin air, her face expressionless.

-Yeah, I bough some make up, several contact lenses...- Harley starts to tell him cheerfully, showing him different items. He feigns interest in those-... and some _dresses-_ She pulls a black dress and blows him a kiss flirtatiously. He only smiles with malice.

-And you Hearts?- He asks his "_sister_". Her head is down, her face covered by the wig- _Hearts?-_ He asks in fake concern.

_-Ehh...-_ Harley starts nervously- She bought _three laptops, DVDs_...- she says starting to pull a white box and some DVDs. He eyes her suspiciously-

-Something's _wrong_ with her, _what_ did you buy?- he starts to walk to her his eyes threatening, full of contained violence- She's not ok, _look at her_!- he growls at Harley, pointing at Hearts, who doesn't move. He starts opening the bags furiously, looking for something. The desperation in Harley's eyes only grows as he gets closer and closer... _to that bag._

_**Uh-Oh.**_** Poor Harley, I really **_**don't**_** like seeing like he beats the **_**crap outta her!**_

-Uhh Puddin don't open _that_..!-

_**Late girl!**_** He opened **_**that**_** bag...and there...he is pulling it out in front of her eyes, his eyes livid. **_**A red dress.**_** A corset with several layers of silk fabric attached to it. It's a **_**nice dress**_**. That's the only thing I'm saying. Who cares cares about **_**details**_**? ****Serves its **_**purpose**_**: It's**_** red.**_

**I still don't understand how does Hearts makes things look like she's being **_**manipulated**_** when it's the other way around...Harley girl, she only used **_**reverse-psychology!**_

- _A red dress_. You made her buy a _RED DRESS_?!- he throws the dress at the floor. Before Harley can escape he grabs her by her long blond her tightly, smashing her skull against the nearest wall. _PUM!_

-No, she was _depressive_ saying that...- Harley tries to explain crying and pleading not to hurt her anymore. She doesn't get to finish her sentence: his fist collides against her nose, breaking it and making it bleed.

-OH DADDY _DON'T_, PLEASE, DON'T HURT ME, _JACK_, DON'T GO THERE, _DON'T LEAVE DON'T!-_ Hearts starts to shout, running to the Joker's arms and hugging him tightly, her arms around his neck, crying and sobbing soundly. He starts caress her wig sweetly, her face buried in his neck. His arms around her waist and his eyes closed, resting his head on hers.

**Harley, **_**wake up!**_**...siblings **_**may**_** act like that...but that certainly looks more like a **_**couple**_**. You're fooling yourself too much...poor girl really.**

**She just stays there, in the floor. She's not able to move. She feels**_** guilty**_**.**

- Ok, _sweetie_, come here, _daddy_ won't do nothing to you, _shh, shh_- He tells Hearts, still caressing her brown haired wig. She takes her face out of his neck and looks at him with her eyes full of confusion and tears.

-Oh _Jack_ what happened to _your_ _face?_- she says caressing his scars, sounding shocked and _oh so_ heart-broken.

-Nothing _Allie_- he says planting a kiss in her forehead. She smiles hesitantly- Just stay _here_- He starts explaining carefully, like talking to a kid- I have to _talk_ to the _blond girl over there._ Just a _minute_, ok?- He says picking her nose and making her giggle, exactly like a small girl. He motions her by her hand to a chair - _Close your eyes, yeah?-_ He says looking at her eyes sweetly and taking her small hands, putting them in her eyes.

-Ok _Jack_!- She answers. He just ruffles her wig.

-_Pumpkin c'mere!_ - he says to Harley, who is still in the floor trying to clean the blood emanating from her nose. She stands up and walks to him hesitantly, her eyes pleading him to stop the violence- _What the fuck _were you _thinking_?- he says livid slapping her hard across the face, making more blood appear in her face- A fucking _red dress_? In a fucking _mall??-_ he says punching her hard in the stomach. She falls soundly on the floor.

-No, but Puddin _she was_...- She starts to explain again

-_Don't call me Puddin_!- He says kicking her several times in the ribs, hard enough to hurt her but not to break any bones or do any real damage.

**He knows exaclty what's he's doing. Lesson number one for torturers: **_**"Make the subject hurt but never die: A dead person is useless. Make it blend but never break...at least you really want it broken". **_

- _Mommy! Don't beat her daddy don't, leave her alone_!- Hearts starts to shout with her hands in her eyes still covering her eyes.

**Well.. **_**not exactly**_**. Her eyes are wide open and she's looking trough her fingers, trying to mantain herself in the character she's playing, and not to **_**laugh**_**.**

-You're _outta here_, get the hell out of here before I _uhh_..end your _pitiful_ life!- he shouts livid kicking her again- She's mistaken me for _my__ father!_- he says kneeling down and grabbing her by the hairs, dragging her to the door, hurting her head painfully in the process- don't _dare_ to come back!- he ends, throwing her out of the warehouse to the parking lot, where several guards try not to pay attention. _They know better than interrupt. _

-Ok Jay.. _I'll be at Ivy's_...- she says pulling herself up from the grown, her eyes full of tears, trying to look him directly to his eyes.

-You can hang yourself with your _own intestines!_ I don't care! _Get the hell outta here_!- He shouts at her pulling a gun out of his jacket- Give ya ten seconds or I'll _uhh _make a _nice hole_ in between your eyes- he ends. She starts running as fast as she can to the red car. He shoots at one of the vans and slams the door.

**In the very instant the door closes two ****guards run to Harley, helping her up and placing her in the backseat of the car. **

**They start**** driving to Ivy's house. **_**Simple routine.**_  
**  
Inside the Joker makes a mock reverence to Hearts who just claps and smirks.**

- Oh well, there we have some _blood_- she states coldly taking the wig out of her head and shaking her messy red hair- You know how _relieved_ I am of seeing _blood?-_ she muses to herself.

-_Elvis is outta the building!-_ he shouts happily. She just stares at him. He pulls her up of the chair and starts kissing her neck. She only rolls her eyes annoyed- Wanna make it _here_, or you want to go _alllll_ the way to _your room_?- he says starting to caress her back.

-No, Jay, _stop it-_ She says trying to pull him away to no avail, he is holding her tightly- I have to tell you _something_. We're in deep shit..._really deep shit_- She says unaffected-

-_That bad?- _He whispers in her ear, kissing it-

-_Catastrophic- _

-Get the picture. _Sooo_ what can be _that_ bad? I mean...worst that pretending to be _siblings_?- He says placing his chin on the top of her head.

_-Yes._

-Worst that going to a _mall_ and buying a _red dress?-_ He giggles removing himself from her and grabbing the red dress from the floor. He holds it in the air and starts to watch it, smirking - Oh _goody_ look at _this!_ A corset..._hmmm wanna use it for me?-_ he says throwing the dress at her, who just dump it to the floor again rolling her eyes- Will be just a _minute_!- he explains pressing her back to his chest- Just a minute cause it will be out before you say _"off with your head"-_ He giggles in her hair. She is still serious- Ok, _uhmm_ C'mere and tell your _bro_ what's going on- he says starting to kiss her neck again-_No, No, No!_ Wait, use the _dress_ and then you tell me!- He says laughing out loud.

-You know the answer to that..._NO!_- She says livid. He doesn't seem to care and starts to caress her stomach- And we have to talk about something _serious_- He starts playing with her belt- So stop it- she says annoyed while he starts placing his hand under her pants and giggling maniacally. She roles her eyes- ok, I'm getting annoyed! _Can you get your hand out of my pants?-_ she shouts at him facing him. He looks at her with a straight face.

-_Right_- he says looking at her eyes seriously- put _your _hands in _my _pants, will work _much better!_- He starts laughing pulling her to him again-

-I'm telling you I have something _important _to tell you and all you want now is_ sex_??- she shouts loudly, completely livid-

-_Yeah...?-_ he says indifferent, looking at her eyes, a fake pout appearing in his face-

-Ok. Let's go the living- She says shaking him off and heading where the pieces of the fridge are spread all over the floor.

**They didn't give the fridge a proper burial.**

_-Hmm..._ want me to bring some _knives_ and all that stuff? _Kinkyyy_...!- He says walking behind her.

-_To talk!-_ she shouts without turning her head to look at him-

-_Spoilsport_- he complains

**She sits in the couch and crosses her legs, her face completely straight taking a deep breath. He sits on the coffee table, facing her.**

-Mmm...what _sooo_ important?- he says annoyed.

-As I stated before, we're in a _serious problem_. Probably the _worst_ thing we've been trough as associates, friends, siblings, lovers or _whatever_ you want to call our _relationship_- She says business like, her eyes starting to produce tears.

- As Commissioner said oh so _wisely_...- he says pulling his face close to hers - _we're a_ _couple_, accept it.

-Ok, whatever. Remember _last month?-_

- As a _couple?_ Yeah... _how many times did we...?_

- Doesn't matter.

-Oh yeah it _does_! I have to work hard to even get a fucking _hug_ from ya, it does! I need a little more _attention_ from you!- he yells at her slapping her across her face soundly. She only laughs bitterly-

**Ok, there you have **_**Jack**_** again, well he would never dare slap her or touch her in any other way that wasn't with love, he would never hurt ner. Not on **_**porpuse**_**...**

**....but it's mixed with **_**the Joker**_**. And that's simply an **_**awful**_** mix.**

-Oh _what now?_ Aren't you getting enough attention from your _wife_?- She says sarcastically-I have to hear your moanings _all night long_ and you rubbing in my fucking face you're so called "_matrimony_"!- She says bitterly- So don't complain, you have your fucking _oversized Barbie doll_ there!- she ends punching him in the face furiously. He just starts to giggle-

**And now you have the **_**Always Jealous Alicia!**_** God she made a scene if she found a new number with femenine name in his cellphone! **_**Poor Jack...**_** he had to start making **_**crazy**_** things just to stop her **_**breakdowns**_**. And then he felt guilty for dunno..**_**the next two weeks?**_

**Allie mixed with Hearts in not **_**exacly good!**_

-Your idea, _Your Highness!-_ he shouts back at her sarcastically.

-It was _convenient_, doesn't mean you have to rub it all day in _my face_! What are you _trying_ to _prove_?

-That you're a coldhearted _bitch_, a fucking _liar!_ You _promised_ something ten years ago and didn't keep your word!- He shouts, livid, but his eyes still lost in a memory-

-I did! _"Till death do you apart"_ rings a bell? – She says putting her face in her hands and starting to cry-

-You had something to tell me - he sighs sitting next to her and pulling her close-... go ahead tell me..-

-_I'm pregnant...-_ she mutters sadly.

-_Soo_...it actually _worked_?- He says smiling down at her who looks back at him completely confused- _Jeez, I have such a good aim_!- He ends happily.

-_What?_ -She says looking for his eyes.

-You're going to be a mommy, _congrats_!- he says taking her face in his hands and placing a kiss on her mouth, trying to deepen it to no avail. She's too shocked to react-

- Jay, _what the hell...?-_ She says softly- You are telling me that you _planned _this?!- she shouts at him angrily starting to shake.

-_I don't plan.-_ he says nonchalant-

-Don't give me _that shit_! I know you actually _plan things_, what the hell did you _do?!-_ she demands crying, her voice still full of anger.

-_Hmmm_ just changed your _contraceptive pills_ for _aspirin_ to see what _happened_- he explains as if it were nothing- I just wanted to _experiment_ with that, yeah?

-Why _the hell_ did you do that?- Hearts shouts at him getting removing herself from his arms and getting up- You're _crazy_, what the hell were you _thinking?-_ She asks him making big gestures with her hands, completely desperate- No you _weren't_ thinking... I'm having an _abortion_, and I'm not asking for _your permission!-_ she says heading to the kitchen, to the park lot. He follows her to the kitchen-

-No you're _not_. I _want_ this. I want _the baby_, I want _child_ and I want an _heir_- He grabs her by her arm tightly before she steps out.

-Do you _realize_ how much it will _hurt me? _What's left of_ our mental health _will go to the _toilet!_ Do you even _care_ about _that?_- She faces him, demanding a logical answer more than _"I feel like having a child_"- No, you don't care about _nothing_- She ends, trying to break free from his grip to no avail. He is a strong man, she cant do it.

-I care, If I didn't Harley would be _looong_ dead- He hisses at her- And yeah, _I know_ how much it will _hurt ya-_ he says smugly. The color of her face fades away, her eyes widen in horror_: he's getting revenge_- That's _exactly_ why I did it! - he laughs maniacally- You'll go _maaaaad!-_

_-No_, I won't have the child and as I _said..._I'm having an abortion, _right now-_ she says coldly, putting all her force to break free. She does. The Joker can't believe that she actually broke free and doesn't react fast enough. She has opened the door and stepped outside

_- Ok. People, I need two...!-_ she starts to shout trough the parking lot and two guards, holding AK-47's start walking to her. He grabs her again by the arm, interrupting her

-She _doesn't_ need _anything_ you come here and _you're fucking dead_!- The Joker shouts at the goons, who stop in their tracks. They look at each other and shrug. The siblings almost never argue much less contradict each other, usually they work as an unit

- And you come inside, _mommy_- he whispers only for her to hear, pulling her inside and slamming the door. The guards know much better than try to eavesdrop.

-Joker you're a _dead man!_ I'll kill you, _I'll kill you!-_ she says pulling a small gun from her jacket. He just crocks an eyebrow-

-Ok, don't point a gun to me, _I don't like it_, you're not scaring me, _ya know_? - he says flatly-

-_Fine_!- she says putting the gun down- Not to _you_! To _me_ then!- She shouts putting the gun in her forehead with a grin that can only be described as mad, her eyes full of tears.

**I would add a **_**Coke**_** to the **_**popcorn**_**...maybe some **_**chocolate**_**? But I'm not losing this part! **_**Hell no!**_

_-NO!-_ He shouts desperate- _Wait_, don't kill yourself, ya _don't_ wanna do it, and ya are _powerful_..-He starts approaching slowly, his face full of fear. She made the _impossible_: She made him feel fear of something: losing her _again_ and lose the complete _game_. It wouldn't be _funny_ if you don't have someone to _play against_- You're _rich_...ya don't wanna kill yourself. _Put the gun down_- he starts talking to her trying to negotiate, a nervous smile and eyes full of fear- Please... _Allie, put it down..._

-_NO_! Do you think this is _easy_?- She starts laughing maniacally, falling in her knees and laughing, the gun still in her forehead - I have to see _my_ husband kissing another woman constantly! Hear him _fuck her senseless_ all night long and her moaning, _oh her moaning_! I can't _bear_ to touch you after that...not after she _rubbed_ herself all over _you_...!- She explains between laughs-..._THIS IS HELL_!- She shouts. The Joker does the first thing that popped out of his head, before she actually presses the trigger: throwing himself to her, pulling the gun out of her hand. She starts crying and laughing at the same time.

**Well, my friend.. you've just witnessed a mixed episode there. This is when most bipolars **_**suicide**_**. And the **_**mortality rate**_** for that is high, **_**let me tell ya...**_

-Ok. Now, with the gun _out of you hand_...ya know all those things are _your_ fault, _right_?- He says embracing her tightly, his voice broken.

-_You were supposed to kill her_...- She keeps laughing while tears go down her cheeks.

-Yeah, _right_. But we _need_ a doctor- He tries to explain her, rocking her back and fort.

-And we're _losing her._ How the hell will you _explain_ that you got your _"lil sis"_ pregnant? What do you want me to say, I got pregnant by the _Holy Ghost_? Do I look like _Virgin Mary_?- She says between cackles and sobbing-

-You're not exactly a _virgin!_- He says giggling nervously-

-Neither am I a _slut_!- she laughsand then susslent, stops. He just looks at her one moment. She is serious, her face completely empty of emotion. Then she starts laughing maniacally again. He's furious, even if he knows she _can't_ control her mouth and what she is saying, he feels he is _mocking_ at him-

-_Oh yeah right! _What was his name?- He says bitterly- Oh yeah! _Jonathan Crane!-_

-_Excuse moi?-_ She keeps laughing her face completely red- You've been _cheating on me_ for _five_ _years_! And my so called "_matrymony_" lasted _eight months!_

-One _complete_ year- he says flatly-

-_ Eight months_, I know that. He slept in my bed for that long: _Eight months_ - She cackles-

- It was _one year!-_ He shouts at her, who only keeps laughing and sobbing- Do you think I'm _stupid_ or what now? The guy _adored_ ya from _day one_! He followed around like a _fucking puppy!_ "_oh Miss Hearts, would you like it to be a pill, gas or a syringe_"- he starts to imitate Crane's voice, professor like, serious. She only laughs louder- "_Miss Hearts, your tactics in inflicting fear are certainly interesting_" and then it became "_oh Miss Hearts you have such a good taste, these books are brilliant_"- He says with a sweet and fake voice- "_No, I cant take this book, Miss Hearts, it's special for you.." _ and then I heard _that_- He takes a deep breath- _" I love you..."-_ She giggles softly trying to breath between laughs and sobs.

-So _jealous_? What, you have his _Wikiquote_ now? - She asks him giggling, her voice full of sarcasm. She takes a deep breath and stops laughing- And anyway, Harley isn't _stupid_, I cant say _he's_ the father, it's been three months since Jon stepped in _this place!-_ she giggles nervously- I'll do the most logical thing: _Have an abortion_. For _me_ and _my_ organization, I don't want kids running though the warehouse and I'm _not_ a _mommy_!- She starts crying between giggles-

-And what about us as a _couple_?- he demands-

-We are _hardly_ a couple. I'm getting an abortion and I'll be out of here. _You wont see a single hair of my head anymore!-_ She gets up and pointing to the door, laughing harder- We'll work as before. _Separate_. You in your place and I'll be _somewhere else_. Or I'll start a _new organization_!- she ends grinning, her face completely red, full of tears.

-_Soooo_... wanna have it the _easy way_ or the _hard way_?- he says flatly getting up and grabbing her

-_What?-_ She asks, her eyes widened darting from his eyes to his grip in her arm-

-_Uhhh try_ to walk out and see what _happens_- He says nonchalant-

- _What?_ You are _threatening_ me?- she grins with tears rolling down her cheeks more profusely-_ ME_?-

_-Yeah_

-With what? _I'm not afraid._

-_Hmmm_, would you like to spend the next _nine months_ in a _basement_ tied up to a _bed_? That would be the _hard_ way..._wanna hear the easy way_?- He says. She stops laughing and her eyes are empty now. Her face shows no emotion. Like a doll whose battery run out of energy

-I have a _third option._ I'm having an abortion. Don't want a child running around. _Sorry_. Got _wrong woman_ for this business. You should have had _Harley_ for this..._thing_.- She says unblinking, unfeeling.

-_Not an option_. Wanna hear the _easy way_?- He insists

-_No_

-I'll tell you anyway. Ya' see, _hmm_, you'll have the kid. I _want_ a kid. I wanna be a _daddy_, and you're going to be a good _mommy_. Everybody's _happy._

-Not_ me_. She knows I haven't seen Jon in _three months..._

-Yeah...and she knows _that_...and that you can get anywhere you want _blackmailing and bribing people... _

-I don't like this...- And it seems that the battery has been replaced for a new one. She started to cry again.

-Don't care. _Want a kid_. You blackmailed _alllll __Arkham_ and got your way to the _pretty doctor's cell-_ He smiles maliciously-

_-I wanna kill myself with a spoon...-_ She starts sobbing

-Oh don't do that, _mommy_...- He says the last world on purpose, knowing well how bad it makes her feel.

-Dont call me that, _don't do it...-_ she begs

-Really, _hmmm_ you could always say that you fell in love with his _pretty baby blue eyes..._ – He starts sarcastically- like some sort of _family fetish_? I mean, _look Harley..._

-I'm getting _sick_- she gets up and runs to the bathroom

-_Normal_!- he shouts behind her- You are _pregnant_!- She gets into the bathroom and throws up. He follows her, and stands behind her- _And hey_!- he keeps rambling- We are supposed to be _siblings_. My wife is a _shrink_, your baby's daddy is _shrink_... _a functional family_!- He shouts at her in a fake happy tone-

-What a _shitty_ life...- She mutters, still crying with her head down in the toilet-

- Oh, let's not forget about _Scary-Pooh!_ you are getting Crane out of the hole! _Mommy_ wants to have _Daddy_ close! And you get the _blackmailing or whatever_ part for Crane. Ya know..we gotta have a _credible alibi_.- he ends smugly-

-You are _crazy_! I'll get my spoon and I'll...- She says looking up at him from the floor, completely tired from the emotional trip she's been trough in just one hour-

-_Want me to bring you ice cream_?- he smirks- I think _those_ will be your _whims_ in the next nine months!- He ends giggling. She's nowhere close to amused.

-_Shut up-_ She hisses to him, still sitting in the floor.

-You know... I'm being a _good_ boy, I mean, I'm giving you _options_...so _hard way, or easy way_?- He says kneeling and pulling her back on her feet.

- Jay, you could have got _Harley_ for this thing...she'd be _thrilled_- she says tired

-_No no no!_ You don't get it. _You don't get it._ I'm not having my heir with a _goon_! And after all, what better than havin' a kid with the _Queen_?! I get a _promotion_! From Clown _Prince_ of Crime to Clown _King_ of Crime _hmm_? much better!- He says grinning, his voice full of sarcasm.

-That's _hardly_ the _real_ reason...Jay..._last time this happened_...- she says sadly with her head down-

-We were poor as rats. Money it's not a problem_. Not these days_- He says his grin stretching widely, almost painfully. Doesn't reach his eyes, he's faking it.

_**Triple "uh-oh"...**_**they went **_**all the way**_** back to **_**Jack and Alicia.**_** Not like having split personalities...they are aware of their reality, they know they are **_**supposed**_** to be the Joker and Hearts...but went all the way back to their old personalities. Will be entertaining see them trying to put up with what they've done in the last few years, strugling with being Joker and Hearts.**

-We have a _bunch_ of other problems, like Harley, my health, we're wanted criminals...and those things wont be solved with _money_! I'll get an abortion _Jack_, this is _not_ ok- she says still looking to the floor.

-_NO_! I _want_ this, I _need_ this, don't you _understand_?- he says hysteric

-Get over it Jack! It's past, we can't _turn back time_ and act as if _nothing_ ever happened!- She shouts at him starting to cry again- And it's _your_ fault!

-No, its not. _Not_ my fault. _Yours_- He says seriously- You should have told me what you were _doin_! Didn't you _trust_ me? _I was your fucking __husband __Allie!-_ he shouts at her, his eyes start to water of the memory

-So...if you're digging into _deep old shit_... so am I! You shouldn't have gone to and get your _sorry ass in the fucking mob_!- she shouts at him-

-Something I wouldn't have done if you told me you were _hacking bank accounts, Allie!- _he says taking his hands to his head and giggling nervously, completly hysteric-

-_Jack_ why the hell do you hold into that _so_ _much?-_ she asks him sadly, doing something she's not done for years: _Hugging him for real._

-_ehhh Allie_.. dunno if you noticed, but are the biggest fish in the sea right now...- he giggles, hugging her back-

-Harley! _she's_ your wife! If you need a _family_ so much you should have asked _her_...I'm your _sister_ now...- She explains bitterly, like talking to a kid.

-We've been married _ten years_, accept it..- He sighs, tired, resting his head in hers.

-Ok, you are forgetting something _Jack_... we _were_ married. _Past tense_. And it lasted one year and a half..._then everything went to hell_...- She smiles sadly. He only starts to caress her hair sadly- Ok Jack...you're the same stubborn kid throwing temper tantrums.. _I wont change your mind, right?_- she surrenders. She decided not to have an abortion.

-No, you wont- he smiles from ear to ear.

-One condition. _That's all I'm asking._

-Now we're _negotiating_? This is not a business, let me tell ya _mommy_- He says ruffling her hair-

-After this thing ends and if everything goes the right way..._we'll retire_.

-And we'll get _bored_! I want an _heir_, someone to take my place!- He protests.

-You want an heir, fine. We'll teach the kid to be one of us- She agrees-

-We'll have our _fun_ at least once in a while- He says business like-

-Not that _often_- She tells him-

-_Ya know what?-_ he muses- Gotham is simply _too small_...this business will go world wide! Like _McDonalds_! We'll be delivering _happy ehhh bombs_ door to door!- He laughs at his own joke, she joins him-

-Ok...we'll go _world wide_. No problem there...but we'll retire. _Just the mob_. Period. _Not in the front lines_, at least the _first ten years_- She says recovering in her usual cold tone-

-Ok. We'll be bigger than _Microsoft_! You sure will end with all those annoying viruses...after you're done they won't be _annoying_... They will be _deadly_! _Can you make a computer blow up or something with a virus?_ - he says mockingly

-_I didn't hear that._ Harley and Crane _dead_ after this. And we're out of the business- she states.

-_Sooo_ we have nine months to deliver the _punch line_ here in Gotham- he makes a reverence to an nonexistent public-...._hmmm we'll have to get bigger weapons_!- He says happily- Then we retire and hire people to do our job world wide.

-_Deal._ Let's shut up and go to sleep-She says heading to the door.

-Your room or my room?

-_Mine_, don't like to sleep in the same bed where _she_ fucks you- She says bitterly- No sex tonight, I don't feel like it- She talks while they head to her room-

-Fine... you can wear the _red thingy_ any other day...- he says placing an arm around her shoulders-

-Hearts _doesn't_ wear dresses...-She says crocking an eyebrow- and the Joker _wouldn't care less _about an unborn child...-She ends smirking. She sits in her bed, pulling her shoes off.

-Allie _loves_ dresses.. and Jack is simply _too thrilled_ for the good news- He says also removing his shoes with a smug smile in his mouth.

-Shame they're _dead_, right?- She says lying down in the single bed-

-She kid will have to put up with two _psychos_ as parents, I guess- Says the Joker joining her in the bed. She puts her head in his chest. He smiles. He _won_, he's the _leader_..._the one pulling the Puppeteers' strings. _

**You know what's really funny about this? **

**They think there are **_**winners**_** and **_**losers**_** in this so called "**_**game**_**" and that the only players are Joker and Hearts. **_**Not exactly**_**. **

**If this would be a game...they **_**are not**_** the only players. And if this would be a game... there are no winners here, both of them lost long time ago. **

**They weren't meant to live together more than a year and a half...**_**they rebelled against that.**_

**At the beginning it **_**might**_** have been love... then it became a **_**competition**_**...if there's love in this...is to **_**themselves**_**. Not to **_**each other.**_

**The Joker **_**thinks**_** he won over Queen of Hearts, he's the **_**leader**_**, he's the **_**winner**_**...**

_**Sounds good, doesn't it Joker? **_

**But **_**you**_** lost...**_**he**_** lost. Because he didn't realize...that winning this game against Queen of Hearts with **_**that**_** particular movement... is to lose to other two people... long time death. **_**Jack and Alicia**_**. **

**And losing against them... **_**will hurt**_**. They are **_**not**_** prepared to face them. They will **_**never**_** be able to look back and see their faces.**

**And there you are Joker...you just **_**turned your head**_** to look at the **_**past**_** and see what **_**happens**_**. Just to win a **_**stupid**_** game! **

_**You don't know the consequences of that. **_

Hello, I'm updating two chapters today! I'll just say the following to my new readers: The Killing Joke, Hearts is Jeannie. But for plot porpuse decided to put "Jeannie" as middle name, Alicia as first name, for the books and the way she and the Joker are alive and dead at the same time.

From here, it will be mostly Crane and Harley...well Hearts too, wont lie to you.

Thanks so much for reading, from here it will be easier to rewrite, hopefully I'll end the rewrite process this week, and have the "interview" chapter by Monday... or at least that's how I want it to go. (I dont have crazy rehearse now, or at least for the next couple of weeks)

Note to myself: "Les Luthiers, the suicides" I have to use that... I have to!

Anyway... Thanks for reading, it would be great if you leave reviews, I love to read your opinions on this!

Nezzie (who's trying to quit smoking.... key word: _Trying_)


	10. Lottery Numbers

**Welcome again. **

**  
Female Narrator reporting to duty. **

**  
Male narrator got his license revoked, so he can't go into people's minds. Well, not at least not as a **_**guide**_**. Doesn't matter. **

**  
For your better understatement of The Joke, the Boss decided to let you directly into The Files. **

**  
It doesn't have any particular point of view. This particular subject is a little complicated...if you see it from Hearts mind, you'll lose important details. If you see it from the Joker's...simply messy. Harley...she almost doesn****'t know what happened, but she played her part. And Doctor Crane... **_**poor guy.**_

**Let's get this started, but let me say one little thing to someone... **

_**Not-So-Male Narrator, let me tell you that if you say once more you'll kick me hard in the mouth I'll kick you so hard in the groin that you wont be able to use it...never again.**__**And stop staring at my ass and my boobs. Don't call me bitch ever again or I'll tell the Boss and he will fire you. It's a promise. Capicce bambino?**_

**Here we can do anything we want, we can go into what they where thinking, but I wouldn't recommend that. For example, if Joker and Hearts are talking, you'll heard them talk and what's their plan in their minds. Four voices: you would get confused. **

**Working from The Files has it's good side: Different points of view, accurate information and much easier to work with. And most important, you'll get the whole picture of this. **

**But for us the Narrators, is tiresome, we **_**cant**_** be here for long. We can filtrate what they're thinking for you, not for us. And listening to their voices, their musings, their feelings, everything... It's overwhelming. We need to rest. **

**Probably being in The Files is the only thing that can affect us. We are not **_**corporeal**_** (at least to you) but we're able to **_**feel.**_

**This doesn't have any concrete shape or style. **

_**Without further ado...Here we go.**_

**  
Hearts is walking peacefully the white Arkham corridors with a machine ****gun hanging of her shoulder and a little bag. **

**She is walking slowly, bored, like someone strolling down any common street. **

**For her, is pretty much the same. This is High Security Ward, where the most dangerous criminals are locked out from society. **

**She knows exactly where she is headed, not preoccupied, not in a hurry. **

**After all...she **_**blackmailed**_** Dr Leland for 5 hours, free of guards to do whatever she wants in the building. Leland's only condition was not to let the Joker shot or stab any guard or employee just because he feels like killing someone. **

**She never said nothing about **_**other kind**_** of weapons. **

_**Stupid woman.**_

**And of course... a 10 thousand dollars **_**bribe**_**. **

_**Bribes and black mail:**_** As good as a machine gun and a knife. Same effect. **_**People does as you say**_**. **

**She is humming a happy tone, distracted, a cigaret in her free hand. **

**Destination:**

**Cell 1507: Harleen Quinzel.** "_15 The Pretty Girl, 07 The Gun, oh these people.." _she thinks.

**Cell 4122: Joe Doe, Name Unknown. **_**The Joker**__**.**__ "Do they do it in purpose? 41 The Knife 22 The Madness is pretty hilarious"_

**She is just walking around, five hours is plenty of time. Now she is in the third floor, looking at the names on the cells mildly interested, but still bored. **

**Something catches her eyes. Cell 3590. **_**Jonathan Crane**_**. **

**She stops in her tracks, looking at the white door for a moment. Her eyes are lost in ****a memory, her face expresionless.**

-Jonathan Crane- she muses to herself- _Doctor_ Jonathan Crane... Jon, How the hell did I forget about you?- she asks herself- A psichiatrist specialist in pharmacology - her eyes lighten from anticipation- I _cant_ believe I didn't have this idea before!- she smiles broadly.-Arkham does have a good sense of humor... 3590: _35 The Bird, 90 The Fear.. _Ok, since I'm here- she shrugs.

**The takes three steps back. Points the gun machine directly to the door's lock. **

**She has number 1507 and 4122 keys, not**_** 3590.**_

**She presses the trigger.**

RATATATATA.

**Shouts and pleadings are heard though the white and sterile corridor, she just smirks.**

-Didn't heard you kiddies!- She shouts mockingly to the scared inmates.

**Hearts walks slowly towards Dr. Crane's door, tapping the machine ****gun happily, singing **_**something**_** in a low voice, barely audible... **

"_Again someone shooting a gun machine here? Incompetents monkeys, when I was the Director nobody came here with a weapon if I didnt give the order to do so_. Wait._ Are they shooting to _my_ door? Why? It's not like...well, there's a lot of people who would want me dead for revenge...but as far as I know the guy shooting firearms once in a while is an inmate. The one who always escapes..._What was his name_? Maybe I'm dreaming. Probably I'm dreaming again. Don't be scared, nightmares and dreams cant hurt you...just stay calm Jonathan, nothing to worry about"_

**While he thinks sitting in his white bed, a red figure steps into his cell.**

"_And now I'm dreaming with the Devil? I'm an atheist...Ok...maybe this is not a dream. Would be a good time to panic? No, stay calm, just confront the nighmare and you'll wake up soon"_

-"..._you take a pill wonder if it will fix, then wonder why sorrow has never left you..."-_

**She enters humming happily to herself**

-Doctor Crane?-

**Hearts asks, lifting and eyebrow at the messy figure in front of her. He lifts his head and faces her. **_**Baby blue eyes**_**. She smiles.**

"_Oh Irony... another baby blue eyed shrink that's a supposed genius.__.. but I have to admit Jon has better eyes... Hearts, dont go there...oh Jay will be completely pissed. If he has a _Barbie_ ...why not getting myself a _Kent_?"_

-Who asks?- he says in a serious voice trying sound not to scared to death, darting his eyes from the gun machine to the creature's face.

"_It's not a dream..the Devil wouldn't need a gun machine. And she's here to kill me, whoever she is. If there's a God...don't let this person kill me._ Amen_. What am I doing I'm _atheist_, a man of science! And science hasn't verified that..."_

-You don't know who am I?- she asks, shaking her head sadly.

-Should I?- he answers trying to sound confident and failing miserably.

"_This place is getting colder every day it passes... I must look pathethic...in front of a heavengly armed woman. Just great"_

-Stupid to answer a question with another question- she says wakling to his bed, and sitting right next to him - but I guess you haven't watched TV or heard the radio in years, how many? five years, right?- she asks him with a pleasant smile, putting the gun machine down and looking him right in the eyes.

-Yes- he answers coldly- four years, it seems I'm still a _star_ aren't I?- he says in a smug voice, full of himself.

"_Whoever this person is, she knows of me. I'm the worst that has happened to Gotham...I'm still the most feared person even if it's been four years"_

**Hearts just shrugs and laughs briefly. **  
_  
"Jon, who do you think you are? A Nobody! After what My Family's done ...destroying the narrows is like children's game!"_

-Well, let me introduce myself then, Dr. Crane. I'm Queen of Hearts, nice to meet you- she says holding her red gloved hand, still with her warm smile. Hesitantly, confused, he shakes her hand.

-Who are you?-

"_Y__our name doesn't ring a bell. You must be a nobody trying to get some fame from my name"_

-I just told you- she says with a gentle voice- call me Hearts, everyone does- she exclaims happily- may I ask you some questions, _from a professional to other_?- she says taping the gun machine in her lap with her fingers, smiling warmly to him.

- I think so- he says eyeing the gun machine.

"_Would you say no to a person with a gun machine in her lap?"_

-Ok- she says business like- you are a psychiatrist with a degree in pharmacology, am I correct?-

-_And neurologist_- he adds proudly.

-Much better!- her grin only grows- So, with such a _outstanding resume_- she says smiling from ear to ear -I suppose you know about _Bipolar Syndrome Type II_, right?

"_Am I having a job interview in the middle of the night with some nightmare creature now?"_

-Of course - he says matter of factly- Excuse me, _who are you_?- he asks. -a new psychiatrist? They are trying _new approaches_ by shooting _firearms_?- he says smirking maliciously- If you are..._I eat young psychiatrist for breakfast_- he ends darkly.

**Hearts just laughs at his poor attemp to scare her.**

-Do I _look_ like a _psychiatrist_?- she laughs, a mixture between malicius...and _flirtatious_- _So..._ psychiatrists now come in the middle of the night, wearing a costume opening the door with gun machines...definitely _curious_!- she ends sarcastically- Get up doctor, we're out of this place, _you're coming with me_- she states, getting back on her feet her face and voice empy of any emotion-

-What makes you think I'll go with you?- he says- What if I want to stay _here?_ After all, this is _my_ asylum- he says seriously.

-_Was_ your asylum- she says marking the first word meaningfully, amused at his reaction-you're an _inmate_, not the _director_. That's _Dr. Leland_ nowadays- she says in a patronizing tone-And you'll come _with me..._ – she makes a pause for dramatic purpose - because I don't think you're too _comfortable_ being here as an _inmate_- she smiles at him and crocks her head slightly- You almost poisoned the complete city, destroyed The Narrows...just for _money_- she states- That's your reason: _Money, Almighty Money_- she ends clapping her hands together, looking at him directly to his eyes, smile plastered in her face.

-How much?- he asks.

-How much do you _want_?- she says bored

-How much do you _offer?-_ he starts to negociate.

- _Fifteen_ is ok with you? – she says roling her eyes.

- _Fifteen what?_

-_Fifteen million_, of course - she says croking an eyebrow, looking at his reaction to that amount. He's stunned.

"_Is she serious? __Fifteen million? Fifteen million dollars?! This must be something big...don't accept without knowing exactly what they'll ask you to do...last time didnt end up well"_

-What do you want me to do _exactly?_

-Find a _cure_ to BPS type II. It's fifteen millions per month, but you have to do it in _four months maximum. _I'll give you 20 millions when you're done and we're sure it works. I'll make fake ID's and Passports, you're out of the country and forget about us and never say a word about the organization. Is that ok?

-Dollars or Euros?

-Whatever you want, not like I'm going to _run out of money..._ – she says- can you walk, Dr. Crane or you're _sedated?-_ she says offering her hand for him to get up.

"_yes I am, but being dragged out of here by a tiny woman that barely reaches 5 feet it's humiliating"_

- I can walk _by myself_, thank you- he says getting on his feet trying not to faint from the sedatives, a small smirk appearing in his face-  
_  
"Ohhh Little Doctor must be thinking about the money...like I'm really going to let him _alive_ to enjoy it! hahaha!... Becuase I have to kill you... Hearts, you have to kill him, you have to..."_

-_Perfect_- she states with a warm smile- put these clothes on- she says opening a bag a pulling the Joker's clothes off it and handing them to him- Hope they're not _that big_. I think Jay will have to suit himself with his _straight jacket_- her smile just widens while she croks her head sightly-

"_Getting Dr Crane to make the cure of all your problems in life: _80 millions dollars_. Seeing your husband all jealous, furious and a desperate over a nerdy doctor..._priceless_. There are things you _cant_ buy, for everything else you can have the complete mob working for you which itself is _priceless_! Hahaha!"_

-Who's Jay?- he asks her eyeing the clothes, thinking that they are, indeed, too big for his small frame and stature.

-_My brother,_ I came to take him and his _wife_ home- she explains.

"_His wife...more like his shiny and pretty toy. Oh that wont last long. Four months and she will be _ancient history_!" _

-Green? Purple?- he says handling her back the clothes confused.

-Any problems?- she says any trace of smile gone.

"_my husband/brother is murdering clown, any problems?"  
_  
-Not, not at all- he tries to mend his mistake - but I certainly prefer a suit to be white and black- he says in a business-like tone.  
_  
"Don't contradict the woman with the machine gun...she presses the trigger and the money is _gone_."_

-I wont give you _my shirt-_ she says annoyed- so use what I gave you or use the orange jump suit.

"_What? I have to do a striptease here so soon? Let's do _that_ when we actually start to get my _dear_ husband completely mad from jealousy...and that will be his _'little push'_ into saying the L word begging me to come back to him! I will win this time!"_

-Ok, I'll use the my own clothes, these are _too big_- he says handling the clothes back to her.

"_Is her brother a gorilla? These clothes are huge!"_

-Ok, let's go- she says walking out the door, motioning him to follow her. They start walking though the white corridors- Not like I'm in a _hurry_, but they must be asking about _me_. They certainly heard the _machine gun_ - she explains

-You're breaking inmates out of Arkham and you're _not_ in a hurry?- he asks sceptic.

-Yes, I bought myself _five hours,_ I spent one hour walking around this... _lovely_ _place-_ she says with spreading her arms, stopping in her tracks.- You see, I like walking though these corridors in the night...the silence pierced by a _scared_ scream, asking for help-

"_L__et's start this one easy: He enjoys fear, let him think you also enjoy it...well I do. But he will think we have so much in common..hahaha! So predictable, this is just a Harley Male Version"  
_  
**She points the gun machine at the ceiling and shoots. Another round of shouts and screams is heard. Doctor Crane smiles.**

- I certainly enjoy _that_- she says smiling back at him

-May I ask you _something_?- he says while they start to walk again, his voice with a hint of worry.

-Go ahead

-Are you from the _League of the Shadows?_

-_Ra's Ghul?_ No, of course not. _I'm the head of the Royal Family_- she explains boredly-

- I never heard of _The Royal Family...-_ he says trying to remember anything about "The Royals"

_  
_-Of course not, you've been here for five years, we are a... _new and very powerful organization_- she tells him.

**They walk in silence, going up the stairs to the fourth floor. She keeps humming happily for herself..**

_-"Ohh, you'll end up broken, at the end of the round, won't find your spirit, in a lost and found..." _

**He doesn't interrupt her. He know better than interrupting a powerful, probably mentally unstable person who is carrying a machine gun.**

_-"Oh I've been watching how you behave not much like a lover, more like a slave..." _

**Suddenly, she stops in her tracks in front of a white door like any other in the asylum.**

-Wait...look at this Doctor Crane. Come here- she says showing him the name in the door- Jane Doe, name unknown_: Queen of Hearts_. _4852_- she says smiling from ear to ear, laughing briefly-

"_Is this.. wow, my cell still exist.. well, more like an office..."_

-You were here as an _inmate?_

-_No_, I've never been here as an _inmate_, but it seems they plan to lock me in. Yes, right, keep dreaming- she says to no one in particular- Do you happen to know about _lottery numbers and their meanings_?- she faces him, still smiling.

-I don't gamble, _no_- he says looking at her as if she were a weird specimen displayed in a zoo.

"_Hard to believe she's never been in Arkham. She certainly looks like a mad person"  
_  
- Well, let me tell you they have a _good sense of humor_- she says smiling, caressing the black numbers in the white door- 48..._morti qui parla_ - she laughs loudly- _Curioser and curioser_

"_Now the 52 doesn't make sense: mother and __child, pregnant woman...ugh... Hearts dont go there...I don't want to think about it"_

- Sorry, didn't get _the joke_- he says curious, trying to understand .

"_W__hat's so funny about a number. 'morti qui parla' means 'the talking dead'. Does she think herself as a ghost?"_

-Of course you wouldn't understand _the joke-_ she says in a patronizing tone- Only two people would get it. I'm one of them, and the other _is not you_- she says smiling sweetly at him.

"_...__Oh thank you Queenie! Did you have to wait almost a week to get us out of this hole? It's way too much, I hate _waiting_ here...oh yeah! because you feel oh so _powerful_ when you're the only one out_... Bitch...

_  
...but why did she _use_ the gun machine? She only brings that for my _whims_...she never feels like shooting in Arkham. And almost sure she is not trying to take nobody down... is someone trying to take her down? The Batman? No, No, she always breaks us out if she's completly sure he wont appear. Did she do it for fun? Well, that wouldn't be weird, but still...something's _amiss_ here... _

_It's been half an hour! C'mon Queenie,hurry, I'm booooored! _

_Ok...the silence is getting me nervous here. Did she die? _Again_? _

_Oh fuck, _she died!_ Whoever killed her will has a painful death..._

_Nah, let's face it she wouldn't die, she buys hours in Arkham like, dunno, _some timeshare_? _

_H__mmm, maybe she's walking around...nah she's not dead. No... better not._

_If she died I'll bring her sorry ass back again. Or at least try...shit, how am I gonna do that? _

_Wait, Jay don't start getting all _"oh god she died"_ again! The 'depressed and suicidal widowed' part doesn't suit you anymore! _

_Ok your highness, C'mon! We gotta have our quality time together before getting Harls outta here! _

_...was that her laugh? W__hy is she laughing if _I'm not the one telling the joke_? She's talking to someone..._

_Don't like , I dont like it not one bit!_

_But who? And why would anybody be with her? It's not like she would bring too may __people, maybe one or two. Let's see: a driver, someone to carry things that are to heavy for her...that's it! the guys should be scared shitless to try to talk to her and end up dead. Or from something going wrong, my whims..._

_W__ho is with her? _

_I don't like anybody but _me_ making her laugh, she's _mine_! _My wife_! Whoever made her laugh will regret it...! _

_Queenie, fast, it's not like Arkham is _funny_ or anything, just get us out of here!_

_And tell me you didn't put make-up on..Harley would get suspicious is she sees white paint all over me in Arkham! _

_Unless you're feeling kinky...hehe I want to paint something oh your back... 'Joker's _property_ don't _dare_ to touch or you're fucking _dead'_ would look nice... uhh that wont happen. She wont let me, and then I wont touch her in months! She wouldnt let me near her!_

_Ehh no, bad idea._

_Mmm. N__ow...if she's bringing Harley and we do a little "party" hehehe..!_

_...yeah, keep dreaming. Oh shit, I should be thinking stuff if I'm in a _straightjacket!

_Down, go down...take it easy boy..no Harley, no Queenie, not even _hands_...sh sh sh...down! Sit! Sit! Uhhh you wont obey me right? Hope Queenie comes here fast so se can have some fun, pal!_

_And know why are you singing that thingy again?. Ok...granted Queenie, you like singing that "blue eyes" song in front of Harley just to see if she gets it's meaning... 'blue eyes, blue eyes, so _blind_, so _blind'_ and of course 'oh I've been watching how you behave not much like a _lover_ more like a _slave'_ and then start giggling like a stupid._

_It was funny at the time,__ now it's an old joke Queenie! Stop it already...I though you stopped that about three years ago.... she's dragging Harley maybe? _

_Un__less she wants to so the Super Fantastic Trio... Ehh no. I should _reaaaally_ stop thinking about _that_.._

_Mmm how much this time did you buy, Your Highness? Tell me _at least_ five hours! Then we get the doc out... _

Wait_..that's a _male_ voice? __'blah blah _48 morti qui parla'...

That's Our Joke!_ Who the fuck is with her?"_

**Then the door opens. Hearts is there...and so is a blue-eyed man. **_**The Scarecrow. **__  
_  
- Well Hello _dear brother!_ How was your vacation? See you're _reaaally_ happy to see me!

_Did this nerd made her laugh? He's going to die._

**Ok, Let me take a rest. This is overwhelming. Jelousy, anger, sarcasm, confusion, happiness, sexual desires...**

**All of them thinking...**_**I'm tired.**_

**Sorry, just wait for me to get a **_**coffee**_**, I'll be here in just a five minutes.**

**Thanks. Just a minute, I'll be right back...**_**I have a terrible headache!**_


	11. Divorced

**Helllooooooooooooo beautiful! **** (ehh... I better stop trying to imitate the Joker, right?)**

**Male Narrator reporting to duty, Femme is so weak that she can't spend much time here. **

**Not like me! **

**I'm more used to it, So I'll narrate this to you until I cant take it anymore and then she will be back to tell you the rest. **

**Wanna know the truth? Boss says we have to do learn to work together**** without ehh... kiling each other and spend more time talking about our issues. **

**I don't want to say anything about it. Ugh after I show you this we'll have to tell you together what happened during those ****years... **

**I want to cry. Really. I can't be in the same place with that...bitch...more than five minutes without going "**_**joker mode**_**" and try to kill her with something. (Or try to get some **_**quality time**_**.. hehe... she's a **_**bitch**_** but damn **_**she's hot!)**_

**Ah let's see... **_**ok, you were....?**_** Oh, when they got the Joker out. **

_**So...here we go! **_

**Doctor Crane refuses to be dragged out of Arkham by a woman that barely reaches 5 feet. It would wound what's left of his pride. **

**But nowadays... **_**RIP his Dignity.**_

**She offered him to help him, or call someone else to help him... **

**...Not like she would call one of her ****employees to carry him for her. It was just a test. She wanted to see how much he can stand until he breaks and asks for help.  
**  
**She takes a key out of her pocket and opens the door.**

**The Joker is there, sitting in his bed, his arms held by a straightjacket.**

- Well Hello _dear brother_! How was your _vacation_? See you're _reaaaally_ happy to see me!

"_So this is her brother, Jay? I though he would be bigger" _

-I have a serious _whim_ Queenie- says the Joker glaring at Crane directly to the eyes, with a smirk forming in his face. His eyes are filled of pure anger, hatred... and _jealousy_. The Joker stands up from his bed, towering Crane, threateningly. Even with his arms restrained... he inspires _fear_. Crane doesn't want to look intimidated and returns the stare with a smug face, trying to hide his fear.

"_Ok. He's staring at me more like he is her jealous husband..."_

**Exactly Doc, he **_**is**_** her husband! C'mon! **_**Remember**_**! **  
_  
"He's already Jealous! Haha!"_

-If I don't break your _toys_ you better not break _mine_- she says to the Joker icily, pulling Doctor Crane out of his way by his arm. He stumbles and almost falls to the floor. The Joker laughs at him

-By the way...- she starts- How are doing with that _straightjacket_? - she asks him sarcastically, eyeing his groin.

-I still have a _whim_...- he says still looking at Crane. He takes a deep breath and turns his head to Hearts- And I didn't get to _play_- he says, demanding.

- _I see._ You'll have to play with your _old toys_- she remarks with a patronizing tone. She takes out a cigarette and puts it in her mouth- How _rude_ of me! – she says lighting it- Let me introduce you to our _new employee_, Dr. Jonathan Crane- she points Dr. Crane with her lighter.

**He's still trying to fight the sedatives, trying not to fall in his knees. His eyes are closed and it seems like he's sleeping, resting his back in the padded cell wall.**

_**Poor guy,**_** those sedatives are **_**strong!**_

-_Scary Pooh?_ You're hiring Scary Pooh for _what?_ - The Joker growls at her.

"_Ok...did he call me Scary Pooh? Who does he think he is? He doesn't have respect to his superiors!"_

-_Research_- she says unaffected- Now _shut up_ or I'll leave the straightjacket _on_- she smirks, amused- and your _Pumpkin_ is waiting, by the way- she ends bored.

**The Joker just stares at her annoyed and sits in his bed. She sits behind him and starts to take off his straightjacket, humming merrily. The Joker only roles his eyes, fully annoyed at her antics**

-_There_- she says taking the straightjacket out- Put your clothes on- she orders bitterly, getting up and throwing his clothes on the floor- I'll wait outside with Dr. Crane- she takes him from his sleeve and drags him out the cell, slamming the door.

"_Sure research... I'll do a _research_ with his intestines! You're mine, you can't cheat on me! Don't do it...! You're mine, if he ever touches you I'll kill him...why did I have to marry such a manipulative bitch? Ah yeah... she wasn't like that back then"_

-Doctor, excuse my brother's _rudeness_- she smiles at Crane, whose eyes are still closed, the sedatives still working in his body- His name is _Joker_, and he can certainly act like a _child_ most of the time- she explains to him amused.

**He opens his eyes and tries to focus his eyes, to no avail. He's too dizzy. He takes his hands to his head, trying to stay awake and widening his eyes. Crane tries to stay on his feet, but he stumbles and almost falls to the floor. Hearts helps him before he falls, making him sit on the cold floor, resting his back against the door.**

"_Oh look poor Jon can barely walk! Haha. Jay... are you jealous? Haha!"_

-You're _ok_, Doctor? - she asks with feigned concern, kneeling next to him- Should I ask _my brother _to help you out?- she offers to him.

- It's ok Ma'am- he answers, his pride wounded-

"_Why did I lie to the woman? I should have told her I'm sedated! ...No, his brother looks menacing"_

**Dr. Crane is waiting, his back against the white door, the Joker opens it and Doctor Crane falls to the floor, his jaw impacting the floor hurtfully. The Joker begins walking and "**_**accidentally**_**" kicks Doctor Crane in his ribs. Then he starts giggling maniacally**.

_-Ooops?-_ he says putting a hand to his mouth mockingly.

-I wouldn't do _that_. I want my new employee starting to work _as soon as possible_ and if you hurt him he wont be able _to do so_- Hearts says seriously, her eyes unblinking-

-I still have a _whim_- The Joker says nonchalant.

-You'll find _something_ else- She answers.

**Hearts kneels to Crane's level and helps him to stand up. He looks ashamed and mutters "**_**thanks**_**" to her. She only smiles at him sweetly and mutters "**_**welcome**_**". The Joker looks their interchange, trying to restrain his impulses.**

"_I never get that kind of attention from her! Fucking son of a bitch, she never smiles at me, not _that_ way... She's faking it... she's just faking it..."_

-Well, let's get _Harls_ outta here- He exclaims happily, trying to shake the bitterness and anger from his voice.

**They start to walk down the stairs to the first floor, where Harley is waiting anxiously for them. Crane walks slowly, trying not to fall down the stairs. **

"_What was her name? The Queen of something. Queenie, Queenie, Queenie, yes Queen of something...!_

_Would you tell your brainless brother who doesn't seem to be able to pronounce properly to help me up in my feet? No, better not._

_I think I'm going to faint. If only I remembered your complete name...Queen of something...I can't call her Queenie it would be disrespectful... she still has the machine gun."  
_  
**They reach to Harley's cell, and Hearts takes two keys out of her pocket.**

-"...blue eyes, blue eyes, so _blind,_ so _blind_ what's the matter with _you..._"-

**She starts humming again, looking at the Joker. Then she starts to laugh, toying with the keys. Annoyed he takes the keys out of her hands.**

-Shut it Queenie, that joke is _ancient history_!- the Joker complains while opening the door.

-I'll do as I please and it's a _classic_!- she protests, smirking- It seems I'll be humming that a little too much in the next…_four months?- _she muses to herself- we said_ four months_, Dr. Crane?

-_what...?_ – he says confused.

**He wasn't listening to them, concentrated on something else: **_**Not fainting.**_

-Nothing Dr. Crane- she answers in a patronizing tone- just _try_ not to faint or fall asleep.

"_Is that...Harleen Quinzel? HARLEEN QUINZEL?! Oh, no, God, not Her!_

_...What is She doing here? The woman is a genius, how did she end up in Arkham! Well...I ended up in Arkham and I'm more intelligent than her, is always a possibility that she..." _

-Hi, _Pumpkin!_ - the Joker walks into Harley's cell. She jumps off her bed and throws herself to his arms, starting to kiss him deeply, her hands in his green hair.

-Oh Mistah J I missed ya _so much_! I _hate_ this place, I love ya Puddin', missed ya so much! - she says in a rush between kisses. The Joker only caresses her breast with one hand and her ass with the other.

"_Why is she behaving like a stupid teenager? I don't want to see this.... Just great...! Get a room!"_

-Me too, _Sweetie!_ - he answers, embracing her tightly and lifting her off the floor- I missed ya _too!_

**Then he starts to swirl her around as if she were a doll, and she giggles happily.**

**Hearts just roles her eyes and Doctor Crane ****just stays there... **_**confussed**_** by her behaviour... but not completely **_**surprised**_** by it.**

-_Please,_ don't make me witness _this_. Wait until you're at home, there you can get _fluffy_ if you want- Hearts complains annoyed- Do you want to see some _Disney movie_ too, kids? _Romantic comedy?_

"_Mmmm jealous Queenie? Bitch, I'll fuck her in your face if I want to! Let's see if you still have feelings..." _

**The Joker doesn't answer to Hearts and just lays Harley in the bed, starting to kiss her passionately, licking her neck. **

**Harley seems to forget they have an audience and starts giggling touching him...**_**everywhere.**_

_**Voyeurism!**_** I'll always say it: The guy's a **_**genius!**_

-_Enough_! - Hearts shouts like some sergeant. They stop. Harley starts blushing and the Joker only smirks at Hearts, crocking an eyebrow- Harley please show me there's a _polite_ _person_ besides_ me_ in this family. We have a new employee, _please introduce yourself._

-_Doctor Crane?_ - Harley walks to Crane, smirking and crocking an eyebrow,shaking his hand, which is limp - Hello, It's been _so long_ since we saw _each other_- she says smiling sweetly at him- I'm sorry for my _rudeness_, I haven't seen _my husband _in almost a week- she explains to him who just nods nervously - I apologize for... this missplaced display of affection- Harley sees that Crane is struggling not to fall to the floor, his eyes almost closed, dizzy- Are you ok Doctor?- she asks him faking concern - Do you need _me_ to help _you?-_ she offers.

**He simply nods and Harley helps him, putting one of his arms around her neck, making him stand on his feet. She's making a big effort trying to carry a grown up man by herself.**

"_Queenie... I love you bitch! I love ya! Of __all people... Him! Hahaha" _

**Neither Hearts nor the Joker care, they don't help anybody but **_**each other.**_**..and right now, they wouldn't even do **_**that**_**.**  
_  
"Well it would be horrendous if I faint...and at least I know her... and she's tall, so it's not _that_ embarrassing... however... this is simply wrong..."_

-Thank you, _Dr Quinzel-_ He mutters to her, who just smiles in return-

"_Is this a fucking psychiatric conference or what? Now this guy is touching my two wives? _

_Wait...wouldn't be a good idea to make Harley fall in love with him! Then we can make them work from some other place and I'll get to stay with Queenie!"_

-Just Harley, _Harley Quinn_- She corrects him, looking at the Joker with a hint of worry-

"_Oh I hope Puddin' won't get mad at me and hit me too hard…good way to start the week..."_

- Oh Puddin' do you mind _if I...?_ - She asks him hesitantly, pleading with her eyes to let her help Crane.

-_Nah,_ go ahead, you're so _sweet_ and _caring_, Pumpkin- He says planting a kiss on her forehead, she smiles at him sweetly, whispering _"thanks"_

"_Haha! He must be thinking they can fall in love and run! Sorry won't happen...not until I get the cure. And she will die...she has her days numbered"_

-Well, let's go home- Hearts says, bored.

-In which _ehhh..._ _lovely_ vehicle are we escaping _this time_...? - Asks the Joker

"_This time...?"_

-Two cars, _the green and the blue Falcon_. We go to the building YF Street and from there we take the _helicopter_- Hearts explains staring to lighten another cigarette.

**They exit Arkham though the front door. **

**Two old cars that should be categorized as two big pieces of **_**junk**_** are waiting for them.**

**Ya know why she likes so much **_**those cars?**_** Yeah I know they are old, **_**a disaster...**_

**You see them and think: "**_**Does that even work**_**?" Yeah they **_**do**_**... she prefers them due to their **_**meaning**_**. In those kinds of cars people were **_**kidnapped and tortured**_** during the 70's in South America, the so called "**_**Dirty War**_**". The police used the blue ones, and the green ones were used by the army. And someway, she looks up to those torturers. Sometimes she uses **_**their techniques.**_

**The Joker knows that, he asked about them when she bought them. He finds it **_**funny**_**...they are taking people that are to be **_**tormented**_** in those cars: **_**Harley and Crane. **_**But they won't be tortured **_**physically**_**. They will be tormented...but in a **_**different way.**_

-I'm _not_ sedated. - the Joker says dragging Hearts by her arm, furious to the green car- You come with _me_, Queenie!

-No, I'll go with _Dr. Crane,_ he _cant_ drive- she says pulling out of his grip- Harls, you're _sedated?-_ she asks

-Nope- She answers smiling at Hearts from ear to ear.

"_Damn I would kill ya! I need to talk to Queenie here, you've got some explaining to do!"_

-Ok Harls, you'll drive with Dr. Crane...- The Joker starts to order

-_Ok!_ - she exclaims merrily.

"_This... is great! Life is perfect now! Perfect!"_

-Jay, I can drive too- Hearts says coldly-Doctor Crane comes with me- she orders- Harley will drive and...

_-No!_ - he growls - Do as _I_ say!

"_Not that perfect, Harley Quinn... not that perfect...!"_

"_Shut up, Dr. Quinzel! They're just siblings, remember? Just siblings..."_

"_You know it's not that way..."_

"_SHUT UP!"_

- Ok, a _temper tantrum_?- Says Hearts putting her hands up in mock surrender- Dr Crane, you'll go with Harley in the blue one- she says disinterested, still smoking - I'll take the green. Let's go.

**Hearts opens the driver's seat's door and the Joker gets into the passengers' seat**

-Hearts, care to explain _why the hell_ you broke the Scarecrow out? - the Joker asks her indifferentl

-You have your _shrink with babyblue eyes_, I want _mine_- she explains with a straight face, driving-_ What's fair is fair_

-_Soooo_ you're saying _that...?_ - the Joker motions her with his hand to go on

-I'm paying him to find _the cure_- she explains to him, her eyes still in the road- Your _Pumpkin_ gets to live another day. - She says bitterly.

-She's annoying...but a _good card_- He starts to whisper in her ear-And at least not a _cold hearted bitch_ like you, _dear sis_- he hisses at her

-Crane is a much better card. _Much better_- she says coldly, without looking at him- And don't start complaining, do you? I'm not in _the mood_- she says crocking an eyebrow- _get a taste of your own medicine then tell me how you feel_ - She ends smirking-

-Oh _revenge?_ That's _why_ you broke him out? - he starts laughing - To make _me_ jealous?

-Feel free to think _whatever_ you want- she answers, still cold.

-Ok, you wanna play _games? _- he says still whispering in her ear, starting to touch her leg- let's see who wins _this time_!- He shouts loudly. She jumps off her seat, surprised- wont affect me, do _whatever_ you want _I don't care_- he keeps shouting- I _don't_ love you... - he hisses in her ear- _I've never had_

-Oh I feel so _hurt_, you _don't_ love me- she says bored- give me a_ gun_, I'll kill myself, _oh it hurts inside_- she takes one hand out of the wheel and takes it to her chest, mockingly- And as you said, you prefer _her_- she shrugs- so don't _complain_, you have a _Barbie doll_, isn't _that_ enough? - she says bitterly-

"_She's going to cheat on me? Bitch...no, you wont, you wont cheat on me...don't do it!"_

-So you bough yourself a fucking _Kent_?- he inquires mockingly- How _mature_, Queenie!- he slaps her the face across soundly, and the car starts to drift and Hearts tries not to crash- Sorry to tell ya, but the one you bough came _without a cock_- he finishes sarcastically

- And the Barbie you bough came _without brains_...- she says in a patronizing tone- I prefer my toys to be interesting not only _pretty_- she finishes smiling amused at his reaction and jealousy- _preeeetty...!_- she says in a dumb voice, trying to imitate him.

-Let's see what happens when you don't get laid in _two or three months..._ –his says, his voice bitter-I wont even touch you, you'll come back _begging_ to me to do one or two _magic tricks_- he finishes smirking-

-Want to _make a bet?_ Four months and I'll fix that _little problem_- she states business like- And your so called "_magic tricks"..._are not _that_ good- she yawing mockingly- And they're old, _overused._

-Stop the car!- he says taking the wheel, and they start to struggle with her- _Pull it away!_

-_Why?-_ she asks him trying to drive the car without crashing, which is difficult. The Joker is trying to pull it away, pushing her out of her sit- _Stop Jay!_ - she says desperate, evading a truck- We're going to _crash!_

-Look like I care- he shouts at her- _Stop the fucking car!-_

-Ok, _ok!- _she shouts at him and pulls the car away. She takes a deep breath and rest her head against the wheel- Now, _what do you want?-_ she asks him without looking at him, her forehead still plastered to the wheel, exhausted -  
**  
He gets off the car and slams the door soundly. Hearts is confused about what he's doing.  
**  
"_He wants to walk, take a taxi or what? What the hell is going on with you?"_

**He opens the driver's seat and pulls her out of the car roughly. He starts kissing her and trying to open the back seats door, to no avail. **

**Still, he has Hearts cornered against the car. She's struggling against him, who keeps kissing her neck, trying to mark it and smearing her white pa****int on his face**

-You _love_ my magic tricks...- he whispers in her ear bitterly- You love them! and I want to have fun, _I'll fuck you right here_!- he says starting to unbutton her shirt.

-You're not as good as you think- she says unaffected. Then he squeezing painfully one of her small breast and she shouts- Wait, what are you going to do, _rape me_?- she says seriously, with a hint of desperation in her voice.

-_Yeah?...-_ he answers mockingly, trying to kiss her- How dare you to...- he says pressing his body against her, kissing her. She only smirks and deepens the kiss, hugging him back- see you like my _magic tricks_?- he says pulling away a moment. He's finally opened the back seat door, and pushes her inside.

-I _like_ them, not _love_ them- she says mockingly, while he places himself on her top.

-_Liar!_ I always get an _standing ovation!-_ he laughs

**A dark haired police man in his forties, seeing the **_**struggle**_** in the shadows between the small woman and the tall man in the middle of the night, decides to see **_**what's going on.**_

**He's not sure if it's a **_**rape**_** or a couple of **_**teenagers**_** trying to have sex in an old piece of junk. **

**Confidently he approaches them. He sees a couple starting to have sex in the backseat.**

"_Just two horny teens, I'll call his parents and be done with it...boring" _

_**Ehhh...Sir...**_** those are not "**_**two horny teens**_**"**

**Those are your **_**worst nightmare**_** come **_**truth**_**. **

**Ya know, the **_**two psychos**_** that have been **_**terrorizing**_** Gotham? **

_**Well.. it's Them.**_

-Hey, _Kids!_ - he says knocking the closed window, amused - What are you doing _there?-_

**The Joker just roles his annoyed**.

"_I can't believe it! I was going to have some quality time here with Queenie after one month and then...this guy comes into the picture? You're a dead man!"_  
_  
"That's the first time I'm glad to a police man...well, at least you count when I'm going to kill one of them..."_

**The Joker opens the door roughly, pushing the police to the floor. He's ****confused****, he didn't expect the **_**teens**_** to start a fight, he expected them to **_**apologize and blush,**_** pleading for him not to call **_**their parents.**_

**Then the Joker gets out of the car, some white paint tainting his skin. Hearts get's out of the car too. **

**The police officer is shocked. This is **_**something**_** you don't see **_**everyday**_**. **

**Then it hits him. **

"_The Joker and Queen of Hearts are incestuous?!"_

-You're _kinda dead_. You've just interrupted a _show_ here!- the Joker complains pulling him out and smashing his skull against the car's door.

-I have a _whim_- hearts says boredly-

-_Oh for Christ sake!_ I...I didn't see nothing, don't, _don't..._ -the man starts begging to them, trying to talk between the Joker's fists colliding with his face repeatedly-

-_"Don't...don't.."- _Hearts imitates him- What? - she says rolling her eyes, annoyed._ Kill you?-_

**She would deny it later, but she was enjoying having some time alone with her husband**

- Sorry _kid_, and you know _too much_... - the Joker says in a patronizing tone- you're dead already

- You're...you're..._incestuous!-_ the man shouts, still shocked-

-_Any problems?-_ Hearts shrugs and laughs briefly- Get him in the car Jay, seems like we're having _other kind of fun-_ she ends smiling-

-I wanted to have _fun fun_, not just _plain fun_- the Joker complains, breaking one of the man's fingers painfully, while the man cries for help in the empty street.

-I can't believe it, _you're incestuous!...-_ the man cries, still in shock.

-_Go sell a picture to The Sun_- says Hearts bored, shooting him in the leg Have your fun- you're ok with _these?-_ she offers the Joker a couple of scissors

-I wanted _real fun_, this is _boring!_ I men, we get to do this _every day!_

- _C'mon,_ I know you want to kill him- she pushes him- didn't you have a _whim?_

-Ya know _what?-_ he asks her mockingly, kneeling to the police's side, who is still crying in pain- _I do_- he says stabbing him in the neck- _ahhh_ where were we?- he says approaching Hearts-

-_Driving to YF_- she answers boredly getting into the driver's sit- We're officially _divorced_- she ends coldly, motioning him to go back to the car.

-_Since when?-_ The Joker asks mockingly, getting into the passengers' seat-

-_Ten seconds ago_- she answers dead serious.

-_Why?_

-Because I want to re-start my life with _someone else_...and because you have _another wife..._

-_You_ made me marry her!

-_Yes, but...!_  
**  
Oh let's get outta here, they'll start a huge argument and this is already getting me a headache!**

**Ok, let's got to see Harley and ****Dr. Crane. **

**Harley puts him in the backseat, and he immediately falls asleep. Harley just drives to YF street crying silently...**

"_Don't think about it Harls...he loves you...you know he does...they're just siblings..." _

"_You know they are not by any means siblings, or at least they're incestuous, they behave like an old couple!" _

"_Shut up Quinzel!_ _No! they are siblings, and he loves me! ME!"_

"_Can you get more stupid?"_  
**  
Ugh let's move this forward, this is just one of her internal conversations between **_**"Dr. Quinzel"**_** and**_** "Harley Quinn"... **_**she's got a little problem**_** there.**_

**You won't see anything interesting **_**here...**_

**...b****ut I did need to be far away from **_**Them.**_

**It's just too many deep emotions, thoughts, cries and shouting. **

**I would have **_**gone mad!**_

_**Sorry**__**...? **_

**Anyway, they won't say anything they haven't said **_**before**_**. **

**Harley gets to the apartment building in YF street. They bought the whole square, in which only ****their employees live. **

**That's part of their salary: **_**a place where to live. **_

**There are at least ****fifty men and their families working for them. **

**Again...why would they work for terrorists, for people who kill them just because of a **_**"whim"?**_** Simply because they were **_**desperate**_**. Some of them had debts to pay, some other didn't have enough **_**money**_** to feed their children. **

**Poverty and D****esperation. **_**That's why.**_

**The ones living here don't see them **_**that**_** often, just when they come out to "**_**play**_**", and some others once in a month may work in the **_**warehouse.**_

**Those are their **_**"low rank employees"**_

-_Dr. Crane?-_ Harley says trying to wake him up, slapping him briefly- We're here. Wake up, we have to take the helicopter- she explains.

-_Ok...-_ says Crane starting to wake up, still weak-

**Harley get's out of the car and helps him out of it, starting to walk to the building in silence. They take the elevator to the roof of the building. **

**Doctor Crane's sedatives are still working in his body, but he seems more able to focus. He doesn't stumble that much and he can maintain his eyes open.  
**  
-_Dr. Quinzel?-_ Crane starts the conversation.

-_Harley-_ she corrects him

- Ok... _Harley_- he says uncomfortable, not used to call a colleague my her first name- _Who are you?_- Harley look at him amused by his question- I mean _"you"_ as an _organization_.- he elaborates

-_Uhhh_... you really haven't watched TV in _years!-_ Harley says, still amused- we're the _Royal Family of Crime- _she says nonchalant, chewing gum.

-_The Royal...-_ Crane muses confused- and what about all the _other families?-_ he asks her, confused- Maroni, the Chechen, Gambol..?-

-Them? _Dead_- says Harley bored, rolling her eyes- but the other families are our _high rank employees_. They get _about ten percent_ of their earnings per month.- she says cheerfully- give or take depending on their _behavior._

**Crane only looks at her skeptically. **

-But _why_? - he asks - Why would the _mob bosses_ work for _you?-_

-_Fear_. They're scared _shitless_ from us- she grins maliciously- specially from _me_...

-Why would they be scared of _you?-_ he says intrigued.

"_They made the whole mob work for them out of fear...? I need to know about this!"_

-Anyway, who's the _leader_ of the organization?- He asks. Harley just laughs briefly

- This is a _Cerberus_, ya know? There's not one leader. _It's three of them_. Puddin, _my husband_, Hearts, _the redheaded woman...?_- he nods and motions her to go on- and _me._

-But what exactly _do you do?_

-Tons of things... blackmail, bribes, drugs trade... _Say_ it and _we do it_. _Torture_...- she says smiling sweetly at him- Weird _Queenie_ would hire _you_... _why_ did she hire you,_ anyway?_

-_A cure for BPS II._

-_That doesn't exist!-_ She laughs at him- And it's not like you can do it, anyway, it would take years and...

-I wasn't thinking straight and she gave me four months- he answers bitterly- _I'm dead, right?_

-_Not with my help...- _she smiles down at him_- _ButI would start _thinking_ about a _good excuse_.

**The Joker and hearts open the roofs door. While hearts was driving, he applied his make-up.**

"_are they serious..? they dress like clowns!"_

- Where were you? you're half an hour late!- Harley says hugging the Joker tightly.

-A policeman asked for our IDs, he though we were _drunk_ and Jay had a _whim_- Hearts explains bored

-_Oh._

-Well, let's get outta here!- says the Joker

**Harley helps Crane into the helicopter and they fly to the warehouse in silence.**

**Half an hour later they land in an empty space of the warehouse. **

**The Joker get gets off the dragging Harley to hi bedroom only looking back in anger to Hearts. He didn't get his "quality time" and he's furious at her. **

**He wanted her, not Harley. ****He gets to be with harley whenever he wants... Hearts is a much more difficult issue.**

**And Crane over there...**_**that's bad.**_** He didn't kill him only because he may be **_**useful**_**. **

**Hearts and Crane stay alone in the middle of the parking lot, in silence.**

-You Highness, everything went as you planned?- a handsome blond man in his early twenties approaches her, trying to sound as professional and formal as possible.

"_If I'm lucky enough, maybe she'll fall in love with me and I'll get to be the King of Crime...C'mon Mark, try to seduce her!"_

-_Certainly_- she answers- Let me introduce you to my new employee, Dr Jonathan Crane.

**Both men hold hands.**

"_The Scarecrow? They plan to poison the city this time...maybe he's competition, don't sound afraid Mark, just don't...look at him! He wont seduce her... she'll fall in love with me and then I'll be as powerful as them!"_

-Miss Hearts this man is by any chance _the Scarecrow_?- The guard asks her, his voice sounding flirtatious. She only crocks an eyebrow amused  
_  
"And here we have another stupid trying to seduce me and become part of the Family...hmmm...he'll be useful. Show Time!"_

-Exactly Mark, his _alias_ is Scarecrow- she says to him smiling sweetly-...tell _everyone_ he's our new employee, _high rank._ To be _respected_ as a _Family Member_ would. Nobody's to call him "_Scarecrow_" and...- she says whispers in Mark's ear, tiptoeing. Mark only smiles.  
_  
"she's already falling for me!"_

_**Uh- Oh poor Mark**_**...Nah he was **_**stupid**_** to try to do that!  
**  
**All trace of her smile is gone and she takes him by his collar, pulling him down to her level. She puts their faces close and looks at him directly, her black and inhuman eyes full of contained violence and threats.  
**  
-...don't even _dare_ to dream in belonging to the family, _kid_- she hisses in his ear- I've already saw it in _your eyes_- she pushes him roughly to the floor- don't talk to _me_ unless _I_ talk to you _first-_ she says in a patronizing tone, kneeling at his level -_ If not...-_ she continues smiling with malice at him, who's completely terrified. He didn't expect things to be that way, he has his eyes closed tightly, starting to shake- I'm having a _tea party_ with you- she finishes pressing her thumb strongly to his eye- _Understood...?-_ she finishes with a patronizing tone, standing up next to Crane, who's fascinated by the amount of fear the man displayed to a simple threat.

-Yes Ma'am, I'm sorry Ma'am- says the guard still shaking, lowering his head afraid. His right eye red from the pressure. He's new... but he knows about the "_tea parties_" with the Queen...

**That's the name the ****guards gave to her whims. **_**Tea Party.**_** Basically because she can use spoons **_**not only**_** to poke eyes out...she's certainly **_**creative**_**. **

**The ****guard starts to walk back to his post, giving her his back **

_**Bad move. **_

**She shoots him and starts to laugh, clearly amused. The other ****guards just stay silent, not daring to interrupt her.  
**  
-That was _interesting_, wasn't it, Dr. Crane?- she asks him, who's still fascinated by the amount of fear the man displayed. He hasn't seen that amount of fear in a long time.

-_Certainly_- he answers, still looking to the corpse-

**She motions him into the warehouse trough the kitchen's door, telling him to wait for her there, not to move or he would lose his job.**

"_I better stay here. There's no quitting on the mob, neither would you be fired...they kill you. and I can't escape, we're in the middle of nowhere. _

_Impressive how someone with two simple words as "tea party" can inflict that amount of fear in a grown man. didn't escalate to terror, what a shame. Still, Impressive. _

_... she may have an O__CD with Lewis Carol? "Queen of Hearts" "Tea Party"...the only thing we need is a "White Rabbit" and the "Mad Hatter" and we're done. _

_Oh joy. I've just accepted to work for a bunch of loonies.__.. and _Harleen_ among them. Powerful, rich and dangerous loonies. Again. I prefer Arkham. _

_Start thinking for a good excuse for the cure Jonathan...think fast!"_

**Half an hour passes and Doctor Crane falls asleep again, his arms sprawled in the kitchen's table, resting his head in them. **

**Meanwhile, Hearts is in the Bathroom, taking the contact lenses and cleaning her face and neck, covered with white paint. **

"_Oh well, I'm taking down to birds with one only bullet: the cure and annoying Jay...he'll be pissed first, then he will be jealous, and then...he will say he loves me trying to get me back and I'll win the game. I'll show him who's the Boss here"_

**She comes back to the kitchen, all her face paint gone, just the red lipstick. She smiles at Crane and smiles pleasantly.**

"_Well. We're back we we started, I guess..."_

**Ok, that's it, **_**I'm too tired.**_

**I'll call **_**Femme**_**, she will tell you the rest. Sorry, I know she's **_**boring**_**, but don't worry.**

**Like Terminator said "**_**I'll be back**_**"**

A/N: Sorry, I forgot in the last chapter... everyone of those numbers have their meanings when it somes to lottery. Gamblers ussualy relate them to their dreams.. for example they dream about someone they know is dead and go for "48". Every number from "00" (eggs) to 100 (I'm not a gambler, I dont remember what it means right now...)

Please leave reviews and tell me what you think about this... new chapters are coming...!

Nezzie (who should be teaching right now, not writting... but anyway)


	12. Welcome to Oz, Scarecrow

**Hello. I'm Female Narrator. **

**Let me apologize for Male Narrator's rudeness and being so...**_**unprofessional**_**. **

**I'm ok right now, and I'm also prepared to stay here.**

**But it won't be a long time, just enough to show you this part. **

**I won't be talking to you directly too much, just show you around. If not I won't be able to filtrate some things to you, and I'll **_**faint**_**.**

"_**Faint"**_** for Us, **_**Narrators**_**, means to disappear for a short time and forget the last thing we were doing.**

**If I faint you'll get lost in The Files until somebody finds you... **

**...and there's a big chance that if it happens nobody will ever find you again. **

_**Remember**_**...in this place everything that has ever happened to anyone is stored, and that, let me tell you....**_**is a lot.  
**_**  
Without further ado. **

**File:**** Gotham, February 13th, 2013, 3.06 am. Jonathan Crane, AKA **_**The Scarecrow**_**, Alicia Napier, AKA **_**The Queen of Hearts**_**. **

**Crane is sleeping in the table, resting his head in his head in his arms.**

**Hearts enters to the kitchen and just smirks amused.**

"_Aww....look at the poor thing. He looks like a little kid. Haha!"_

-Dr. Crane? - She calls him, patting his back to wake him up. He doesn't respond- _Dr. Crane_! - Hearts shouts, slapping his head painfully.

**Exhausted, he only lifts his head from his arms and without thinking, without recalling last night's events, he says**

-_Doctor Crane isn't here right now but if you'd like to..._

-I already have an _appointment_! - She punches him in his face soundly_- Wake up!_  
_  
"C'mon...be afraid of me! That's the only thing we need. Fear. Me!"_

**He wakes up, and then he remembers, horrified, that he's supposed to make a nonexistent cure for a mob boss that seems to own Gotham.  
**  
_"I can't believe I told her that! Wait...how did she know...?"_

- I will _not_ tolerate this kind of behavior from _you_. You're _lucky_ you're not as _disposable_ as most of my employees...you're _unique_- She says seriously. He only smiles proudly at her allusion to his knowledge- Follow me, I'll show you _your laboratory. _

"_Well, at least she doesn't look like a nightmare creature anymore. Still, I think I know her from somewhere. Where...? No, I don't know this woman, I wouldn't forget a Mob Boss who dresses up as a clown"_

**He stands up and follows her trough the dark warehouse. They walk silently, until they get to a gray metal door, which is locked. She takes a key out of her pocket and opens it, revealing a large room that contains a simple laboratory.**

**This is **_**Harley's laboratory**_**, where she examines Hearts' blood every month to see the amount medicines she takes isn't threatening to her health.  
**  
-This will be your laboratory. _Is it ok with you? -_ she asks him, motioning him inside and closing the door behind her.

**She locks the door again.**

"_You'll try to escape...but you won't. I need the cure, I need to annoy Jay...that's my so called appointment...and it will last at least __four months! Haha! "_

**He starts to examine the small laboratory carefully...**

"_Ok...I need a good excuse that will get me alive from this situation. Great. She locked the door. Ok... I may delay this, ask her for some tests, maybe some _painful_ tests...after all, she punched me. I'll be glad to return the favor, Queen of Loonies! But I have to escape, maybe Harleen will help me... or maybe she'sll throw me to the lions...  
_  
_Or at least try to do something and get out of this place in one piece"_

-It's _good-_ he says still concentrated in the laboratory, his voice cold, like hers- but I need _more_ equipment- He finishes facing her, trying not sound arrogant nor afraid.

" _Ok, I'm buying more time to get out...I'll ask more equipment, which will take her some time to get, meanwhile I can think about a good plan to escape... _

_Too bad I don't know exactly where I'm standing... this place is in the middle of nowhere...I'll definitely need Harleen's help...I only hope she will help me."_

-I agree with you, this is a _plain laboratory_, I figured out you may need _more equipment_- She states, taking a small notepad and a pencil from one of her multiple pockets - This will be your _bedroom_ also, I'll get you a computer and a TV too..._and some books_- She says smiling from ear to ear- Write down everything you need, you'll have it by _tomorrow_- she ends seriously.

"_I can't believe it! Ok, I still can ask her for the analyses... Hopefully she doesn't know much about BPS II!"_

-You said you needed a cure for BPS Type Two..._Is that correct?_ - He asks business like.

-Yes. I'm aware there's no _definitive cure,_ just drugs to stabilize the _moodswings_- Hearts answers taking out a cigarette and lightening it.

-Correct. There's a lot of medication that can actually make a person with this particular disorder _live normally... _

-Yes, but you must be aware of all the _other_ consequences of the medication, the _non-desirable ones_- she says coldly.

-Yes, but most of the times they don't appear...I don't want to sound bold, but if I need to make a _definitive_ cure I'll need a _test subject_- he says confidently.

"_She won't give herself as test subject...she'll have to find some people with that condition and that would give me more time to plan my escape..."_

-Perfect. That would be _me_- She says looking down just for a second. Then she raises her head looks at him to his eyes, smiling shyly, her eyes full of sadness.

"_Old but good tricks...see the powerful and scary vulnerability makes them human...so easy. There...he's looking at me surprised. Ok, Hearts, just a sad puppy eyes, subtle...be subtle. There. Now...close your eyes, look down and repeat. Lock eyes with him. There. It worked. He's surprised. Ready. This toy's mine..."  
_  
-_You're a bipolar_? Doesn't look like it. Again excuse me for my boldness...but you seem _stable_-

"_Harleen was right, it was for her. But again, make her think you weren't aware of that Jonathan... _

_...she looks so sad? Is it possible for someone to be that expressive? Is she going to cry?" _

-I seem. _I am not_- she says in a cold voice, avoiding his eyes, blushed.

"_Jay naked in my bed, Jay naked in my bed, Jay naked in my bed... __There. I'm blushing, perfect. Let him think I'm attracted to him, let him think he's in control, let him think he can see something in me others don't...and I'm completely done"  
_  
-... Ruling this _organization_ has proven to be _hard_, and sometimes, even if I'm good working under pressure, I have _depressive episodes_. Fast cycling. Here in the family we call it a _breakdown_.

-_I see..._so the cure is for you specifically, _not general?_ - he says business like.

"_Is she...blushing? She's attracted to me? __That would be helpful... if she... ok what was that she said about them beingdependant...? Maybeif I can make her dependant on me... she'll let me out and not kill me..._

_No. S__he's embarrassed, not attracted... and if she gets dependant I'll never be out of here"_

-Indeed.

-That would make it _easier_. But I'll need to make some _exams first..._

"_Ok that will buy some time, I can always say the equipment doesn't work..."_

-_Blood tests?_ There you have everything in the manila file, no problem there. _Anything else?  
_  
-I may need to make _CT scan_ – he says seriously.

-Everything's there. They are _recent_- She says with a sinister grin.

"_Ok, think fast!"_

-I may need a sample of _cerebrospinal fluid to test that_...- He starts trying to sound professional, to hide his own fear to her reaction.

"_That will definitely take time..."  
_  
-You _can't_ do it? - She says seriously- It's _that_ what you're trying to tell me, _Doctor_?

-No_, I...I...I_ didn't say that...! - He stammers with a nervous smile trying to hide his fear and sound as confident as possible.

**He fails miserably.**

"_Why am I afraid of a tiny woman?! This doesn't make sense, she's not even armed!"  
_  
-You _did_ in the very instant you started to ask for _unusual_ and _unnecessary_ tests!- She says pushing him hardly to the floor and placing a gun on his temple, livid.- You're really _bad_ at _excuses,_ -

"_Why did I have to think that...Murphy's Laws seem to rule my life!"  
_  
-They're not _excuses_! I need to...- He tries to explain with a hint of desperation in his voice seeing the gun in his head, her finger around the trigger ready to shoot.

-You don't _need_ anything! I'm _not_ stupid! _Bipolarity_ is about _neurotransmitters_, it's a chemical disorder and the only tests you need are _blood tests_! There's no need for _cerebrospinal fluids test! _- She shouts at him- If you have _something_ to say- She whispers sweetly to him, caressing his cheek with the gun- _Say it Doctor_...- She states icily putting the gun against the right side of his head- _You have...-_ she mumbles looking at her watch mockingly- _ten minutes _to convince me _not_ _to kill you_- She ends darkly.

-I'm sorry in our brief negotiation I was _sedated_...- He tries to explain.

-You're running out of time! _Tic-Toc_! – She says mockingly - Having such an _impressive_ resume doesn't help? You _can't_ do this? There's nothing you can do but simply _treat me_? If I wanted a _simple psychiatrist_ I wouldn't have broken _you_ out!- She shouts angrily

**She looks directly to his blue eyes, unblinking, eagerly waiting for a good explanation. He returns the stare, afraid, yet fascinated by his own amount of fear. **

- _Nine minutes-_ She says smirking-

"_Ok...try to offer her something else, try to negotiate, try to rationalize with her...and she may not kill you. I could always try to take her down and escape...  
_  
_...and then her brother would be after me and I would end up dead. She may be easy to knock out...so tiny. But her brother. That's a _big_ problem"_

-As you stated, it's a _chemical_ disorder as well as a _psychological_.

"_D__oesn't matter...this will only make it easy. He'll fear me after this...hmmm respect through fear, that's his logic, if not his motto. If I can use his own antics I'll get an +A for this one!"  
_  
-You're not getting _nowhere_ and you're not telling me anything _new_!- She shouts- Tell me, _Doctor_...- She whispers in his left ear, still holding the gun against his temple- You were capable of making a substance, _a gas_, that damages the human brain in _such a way_ that makes the _subject_ suffer _non-stop hallucinations_- She blows into his ear, making him tremble from the fear and cold.

"_Oh God...She's really good making people scared...! I can't believe she's whispering in my ear! From all the things in the world to scare me, a tiny woman whispering in my ear is doing it? It's ridiculous!"_

-You found _the way_ to made those hallucinations _frightening_- She keeps whispering, her lips almost caressing his ear- Thus affecting a _specific part of the brain_ and not the _others_- She says pulling her mouth off his ear, this time talking to him face to face- I don't think that was _easy_, or the work of a _simple_ psychiatrist, it's a work of a _genius_- she says smiling with malice, looking directly to his eyes, still holding the gun.

**She takes her face closer to his, their noses almost touching. He's surprised...but for some reason beyond him he can't take his eyes from her. He holds his breath, almost waiting for her to kiss him. She places her mouth in his ear again, his heart running wild from fear and excitement**

- And you _can't_ make a cure for _this?!-_ She yells loudly into his ear, hurting him from the loud noise- _You're running out of time!_ Tell me the difference between both, if you _can't_ do it _accept_ it and try to _negotiate_ for something else! _Be smart!-_ She shouts livid, her eyes full of anger, all traces of mocking romance gone -_5 minutes._

**She looks at him directly to his eyes again, her eyes serious and menacing.**

"_She will kill me. This would be a good time to start believing in God?"_

- _Miss Hearts_, would you _please_ put the gun down? It's making me _nervous_...- He says trying to sound confident, still looking at her eyes.

"_If I'm going to die I'm not by any means going to call her 'Your Highness' ...No, this is enough humiliation for a lifetime!"_

-If you're to work in _my organization_ you should _learn_ to work under pressure. _Soooo_- whispers sweetly-..._NO_!- he shouts loudly, making him flinch

- Ok. Is not _that simple_- He starts his explanation nervously, still feeling the cold metal against his temple- The Fear Gas is completely different, it affects _everyone alike_- She nods, gesturing him to go on- It makes the amygdala, the key of negative emotions in neurobiology, go hyperactive inducing fear. The hallucinations are only a result of that hyperactivity, like any other phobia, it only gets more terrifying that's already is- She feigns interest. He is relieved.

"_Is she truly interested in the Fear Gas?...Maybe she won't kill me. Keep talking Jonathan, maybe she'll change her opinion, let you live and you can do something else if you impress her... maybe some drug she can sell...but now she looks more interested in the Fear Gas"  
_  
- When fear increases to terror and it doesn't stop there are huge possibilities of ending in cardiac arrhythmia or thrombosis. _Sometimes suicide_-

**She smiles at him, looking truly interested. He feels safe seeing her interest ...and he feels **_**proud**_**.**

**He made her **_**interested**_** in the explanation, he made her interested in his **_**pride**_** and **_**joy**_**: **_**The Fear Gas.**_

**His ego is not only satisfied: **_**It's exultant.**_**  
**  
-You see... _fear_ is one of the innate emotions of the human being, thus the gas affects everyone alike. _Not like BPS Type Two_- He ends smiling to her almost pleading her not to kill him-

"_Ok, she looks more interested... Can someone be that expressive? She hasn't even said something and I feel she won't kill me. No, she won't kill me....of course she would__n't spare an _intelligent_ man like me... my explanations and knowledge has just saved my life. I'm a _superior mind_, she's must be truly interested by now... She may be a Mob Boss, a powerful one...but I'm _smarter_. I've always been smarter than anyone, that's not new. But nobody acknowledges it. _She does_..."_

-It's completely _different_, science hasn't discovered if there a _specific_ part of the brain involved in the _process_, but we know there's a _chemical disorder_ in the neurotransmitters making this so called "_moodswings"_ appear-

-_Go on_- She smiles at him breaking eye contact.

**She sights, putting her gun in her pocket again, getting up.**

**And for some reason...he feels **_**empty**_**. He also gets up the floor.**

**Her complete attention made him feel **_**important**_**...now it's like any common symposium, any class he used to teach...for some reason he preferred it when he had her **_**complete attention**_**, even in she was threatening him with a gun.**

-Well, it's not only a chemical problem, _it's psychiatric and psychological as well_. If the medication is the most important aspect in the treatment...the person does need _psychological treatment too. _

-_I understand._ I apologize if I've been _rude_ in any way...- She says sighing, showing a small yet sad smile- Is there _something else_ you can do..? Maybe make a _better stabilizer_ that doesn't need to be administered on a _daily basis?_ She asks, looking up at him- Something that wouldn't have _side effects?-_

**He can't stop looking at her eyes, for some reason he **_**needs**_** to be **_**heard**_** and **_**respected**_**...**

**And he thinks that the fact that she didn't kill him, that he heard his explanation about the Fear Gas, makes him **_**special**_** in her eyes, he never felt special to someone that way, he never felt **_**truly**_** heard...**

**Just some **_**Doctor**_**. Just a **_**professor**_**. Just a **_**pawn**_** for Ra's Ghul. She didn't kill him...she was **_**truly**_** interested in what he had to say. And she didn't **_**have to.**_** She did it because she was **_**truly interested**_**. Not like students listening to him just because they **_**had**_** to past a test...She was truly interested in his **_**lousy and brief**_** explanation.**

**And for the first time in his life...**_**he felt truly important.**_

-Yes, I can certainly _do that_- he says returning the smile hesitantly-

-Ok. I'm not paying you fifteen million, that was for a _definitive cure_- She says coldly, business like- As you can't do that... _it's five million a month. _

-_Ten million_- He starts to negotiate.

"_She has the money... and if she wants to learn from my knowledge... she will have to pay me what its worth.__ I hope Harleen wasn's lying... If I accept the first thing, she'll kill me? was that what she said..? And that's the price of my knowledge: 10 million dollars. _At least_."  
_  
-Ok, you'll be my _psychologist_ too, then- She agrees.

_**His ego is high sky.**_** She's willing to pay him 10 million dollars just to learn something from him.**

- I don't want to talk to _Harley_, she's family and that would be _unprofessional_. The deal is closed in 10 million. _Five for pharmacological treatment, five for therapy sessions_. When you find the stabilizer and we can be sure it actually works... we'll have to make a _new deal_. Is it ok with you?- She ends smiling and offering her hand, sealing the deal.

-_Perfect.-_ he smiles down at her.

**He doesn't smile just to her. He smiles to **_**himself**_**...Even if he was threatened with a gun just minutes ago... He's **_**happy**_**. He's important to someone. Not dangerous, not creepy, not awkward. He feels intelligent, respected...not by anyone. **_**By her**_**.**

**He worked for powerful men such as Falcone and Ra's Ghul, but neither of them showed him **_**respect**_** or **_**true**_** interest in his work, just in the **_**finished product**_**. She was interested in the **_**process**_**... **

**He was not **_**alone**_** anymore.**

-So..._make the list-_ She says handing him the notepad and the pencil- _You start tomorrow_. Tonight you can sleep in my private room, I have _things_ to do. I'll get you some test subjects to conduct your experiments with the Fear Gas, _if you want_- She motions him to her private room, several laptops closed in a desk, a complete wall full of bookshelves.

**He smiles, looking carefully to her books collection. She's **_**not**_** a loony, not a **_**stupid**_** Mob Boss...she's an intelligent and educated person...**

**Although the place is a mess. Not only does she **_**respects**_** him. She **_**trusts him**_**...she's not like Falcone who was just a man who only relied on violence and money, whose success came from all the people he hired, because he was simply a powerful man with too much money. She is a **_**real**_** leader, an intelligent woman. He smiles, looking at her books. **

**She is resting in the door frame.  
**  
- Welcome to Oz, _Scarecrow_. Don't forget, I'm _not_ the Good Witch- She says tilting an imaginary hat, slamming the door.

**He didn't have time to say **_**"thanks".**_

**She's gone.**

**Ok, that's it, Male Narrator will be right back to tell you the rest.**

**See you next time.**

**I know he **_**will**_** be annoying... I apologize for that now.**


	13. Therapy Session

**MN:**** Hello there! **

**FN:**** Welcome. We're both here: Female and Male Narrator this time. We can't show you everything that happened in those four months, but we'll show you some small things. Confession time because I **_**cant**_** take it anymore... We're **_**married**_**, and been married for a long time... **_**I mean the complete human history**_**. ****Right**_**, sweetie**_**? **

**MN: **_**Ya know...?**_** It was pretty funny when we argued and bitched all the time... And you ruined the whole stuff saying we're **_**married!**_

**FN:**** Oh, C'mon! You're not **_**really**_** that mad at me, **_**are you?**_

**MN:**** .... **

**FN: **_**You're not!**_** You wanted to end that, you can't even get your hands off me! **_**Haha!**_

**ML:**** Ok yeah, I wanted to... Ok... **_**leave my lap!**_** We're supposed to be workin' here not... **_**don't do that! Ya know kissing my neck**_**... Oh stop it! Well, **_**don't**_** leave my lap... But we do have work to do and we're gonna get **_**fired**_**, and let me remind you we have**_** rent to pay.**_

**FM:**** We**_** don't**_**! We're Muses, **_**stupid**_**! **

**MN: **_**Ouch**_**! Whatever. Ok, kid, things like this. After the whole show Hearts made back then, Crane was **_**a little bit**_** fascinated by her. **_**Not in love,**_** ya know? Just some **_**huge lab rat**_** that happened to be intelligent, filthy rich and powerful. **

**FN:**** That lasted...**_**One month**_**. Because Hearts apologized to him, and started to sit right next to him when he was working, talking to him about anything that crossed her mind that would be useful to making fall in love with her... Two months after that and Crane was **_**completely in love**_**. Only he didn't **_**know**_**. He started to get a little depressive when she wasn't around, spending all day wondering what was she doing...  
****  
MN:**** And making up the **_**lamest**_** excuses just to see her! **

**FM:**** Which would be **_**romantic**_** if it wasn't for the fact he was being **_**manipulated**_**, poor man. Hearts just took advantage. They started a **_**routine**_**. She always made the act of being too busy with the administrative side of the "**_**company**_**", saying that neither Harley nor the Joker would do it... looking **_**tired and sad**_**. He offered to help her for **_**only 5 thousand dollars**_**. So... she started to talk with him about fear in a daily basis, asking for his "**_**expert opinion**_**" and telling him her multiple theories about fear in the **_**middle of the night**_**, while drinking tea. **

**MN: ****Lil' Doc**** couldn't even **_**sleep**_** after those nights thinking about her theories, always deciding she was right because she was **_**oh so **_**intelligent... he **_**idealized **_**her. Then he would have some **_**wet dream**_** about her... doesn't look like it but the guy is a **_**little perv... Hehe**_**! Shame he used to forget it the following morning, his mind making up excuses to deny the obvious. Then he got **_**kinda stupid**_**, following her around like a **_**puppy**_**. And she was happy with the whole thing. She always came to his laboratory/bedroom seeing if he wanted to see her **_**theories at work**_**. Meaning: She mentally tortured some goons to no end just for his **_**amusement**_**, killing them in front of him. And **_**fascinated**_** wouldn't even start to cover how he felt. **

**FN: Meanwhile, the Joker and Hearts stopped having **_**any kind**_** of relationship, they didn't even talk to each other unless it was **_**completely necessary**_**. The Joker had a **_**whim**_** almost everyday, especially those days Hearts spent locked in the laboratory with Crane. So he put microphones all over the house just to be sure they only talked and didn't get **_**physical**_**. **

**MN: So did Hearts, but just to be sure her antics were working. During those months...it was just some **_**twisted**_** version of **_**"Big Brother**_**" **

**FN: Harley and Crane became friends **_**rather quickly**_**. She needed someone with whom she could behave like **_**herself**_**, not just the **_**character**_** she became to the "**_**siblings**_**" amusement. And she was much more **_**comfortable**_** with Crane in the middle. She had **_**her own agenda**_** regarding Crane... and her mind rationalized that if **_**Hearts had a relationship with Crane**_** she would never have one with **_**the Joker**_**. So she was p**_**ure joy and happiness**_** with him in the house. **_**Besides**_**... no, I wont tell you **_**now**_**, you'll see that **_**later**_**. One day, Hearts told Crane he was **_**"The best friend a person like me can have"**_**. It happened in Hearts' "**_**office**_**" (which would be a corner in her bedroom with a desk in it). And of course she always called him **_**"my favorite employee"**_** smiling sweetly at him. He **_**melted**_** right there, but he tried not to show it. If you were a normal person you wouldn't have noticed...but Hearts is... well, **_**Hearts**_**. **

**FN: He even started **_**trying**_** to tell her **_**jokes**_**. Yes, you read that right...**_**Crane Telling Jokes.**_** Here one of his "jokes", let's see...**_**This one**_**: When she told him she was making payment checks for the other **_**"high rank employees" **_**(that would be the **_**mob bosses**_**) who weren't as **_**"intelligent and interesting as my favorite employee"**_** tilting her head, smiling and blushing while thinking she hadn't **_**touched**_** the Joker for a **_**three months and a half.**_

"Well, Miss Hearts... You can't count on mob bosses being intelligent. They are all the same, I guess they watch '_The Godfather'_ and _'Scarface'_ several times and attempt poor imitations. Now it's ironic one of the _real_ bosses is a true '_Scarface'_, isn't it?"

**MN: Lame. **_**Pathetic**_**. And she laughed at that. **_**Truly**_** laughed at it, thinking about the Joker telling her **_**"Say hello to my little friend"**_** in not exactly an action scene...well, yeah...she was thinking about an **_**action scene**_**... the kind you see in **_**XXX movies**_**. Crane thought himself **_**funny**_** after that. Didn't help that she complimented him saying **_**"that's funnier than those jokes my brother tells, and he's supposed to be funny...unintelligent people only relies on curses". **_**He even told her the "**_**lighten up"**_** joke that he made with the Batman...he couldn't get lower **_**than that**_**, really. **

**FN: **_**And then**_**...the following conversation happened between Harley and Crane. He was emotionally exhausted, depressed, in love and trying to ignore it. He **_**needed**_** someone to wake him up to reality... **_**and Harley...**_

**MN: **_**On with the Show**_**! The conversation **_**speaks**_** for itself! **_**Ehh... Honey, don't do that**_**... **_**hehe**_**...ok. You're **_**alone**_** kiddie, I gotta do some **_**stuff**_** with my wife, just...**_**ehhh listen to their conversation, yeah?**_** We'll be back in... **

**FN: **_**Half an hour**_**. Just listen**_**...hmmm...ok...bye.  
**_**  
MN: **_**Baby...puh-lease don't do that...hmmm...ok do it! I'm done with the "enemies" thingy**_**! Bye bye kid! See ya around!**

-Harley?

-Tell me Jonny, what's up?

-I'm having some..._issues_. Can I trust you not to tell Miss Hearts or Mister Joker?

-Tell me. But if you're gonna do something bad to them, I'll kill you myself. Just kidding, _don't give me that look!_ Sorry, tell me Jonny, I'm all ears for you.

-It's something... _personal_.

-_Queenie right?_ You wanna talk about _her_?

-Am I that _obvious_?

- Yeah... _Therapy session._ Take a seat, start talking..._I was just waiting for this conversation to happen.  
_  
-I've been working a lot with her. And sometimes I feel this _thing_...like I don't really care about the _money_. Only brief moments. Then I do remember the _money_. And we talk a lot, she's a very _interesting person_. And I have to say...Well, it's really impressive how she manages to get people to _fear_ her even without her full costume. Once I saw her swirling a spoon near a man's face and he went _completely mad_, it's _outstanding to achieve that kind of control over..._

_-You're in love with her_. Did you want _somebody else_ to tell you? There: _you're in love with her.  
_  
-No, I didn't say _that_, Harley. I'm _not_ in love with her, maybe _fascinated_ by the amount of _power_...

- _You are in love with her_. Accept it and you won't spend all day looking depressed like a _wet puppy left out in the rain_ because you're _confused_ and you don't know _what it is._ You look _pathetic_ when she's not around..

-No, I'm not in love with her, it's _something different_. We're..._friends_, I guess. It started as an employee/employer relationship and then we started to drink tea...talk about mutual interests... _and now I'm simply not sure_. Maybe we're just friends and I'm confused because my friend _happens to be a woman._ But...there's something Harley, something in else I can't describe...

- _Her eyes right?_ You feel something weird, like she knows something you don't and you want to find out? And then you see yourself trying to look at her eyes because you know there's something else there? Starts like that and then you _fall head over heels in love with her._ I've been watching you, you know...you act _exactly_ like I did back when I was my _Puddin's psychiatrist_. And it's not that because I act childish I _forgot_ how to _analyze people_..._Congratulations, Doctor!_ You're in love with a homicidal maniac, terrorist and sadist! Like my puddin would say: _TADA!  
_  
- She's not a _maniac_! Well, not _completely_. She tends to be depressive most of the time. Besides killing is part of her job, she doesn't enjoy the blood itself that much, it's more _the fear she induces in her victim...._

- You're _completely_ in love. You've just made a complete analysis of her personality, do you realize that, _Jonny_?

- Well, I'm her _psychiatrist_, she's paying me a _high salary_...

- Quick questions: _Her favorite color?_

- _Green._

- Wouldn't be the correct answer _Red?_

- Actually _no_, she just uses that color for the _contrast_ and because it represents _power and blood.  
_  
- _And you're not in love...? _Do you _realize_ you know her favorite color and you didn't answer red as anyone would?

- Doesn't mean _anything_.

- Another question then. _Queenie's favorite activity?  
_  
- Blackmailing, bribing. She likes people doing as she says, _afraid_ of her power and the secrets she can tell. She uses _paranoia_ turning it into _fear_. As long someone has _something to hide, there's something to fear_ ... But she also likes _reading_ in her free time.

- Real name?

- _Alicia _

- Why _Queen of Hearts?_

- _She prefers to be the one shouting...  
_  
- _Go start a fan club, Jonny_. You're in love with her, don't deny it. You're just _hurting yourself_ trying to rationalize it. You know her _as well as I do_ and I've been living with her for _four years._

- But I'm not even _attracted_ to her. She's not _that_ beautiful, and she's not the kind of woman I...

- Not even _you_ believe that. _Tell the truth. _

- I'm not attracted to her..._that much._

- _The truth, please_.

- I like her.

- Is there something you like about her _physically_?

- Her _smile_... and her _eyes. _

- Ahhh, C'mon! And you're not in love with her? The most _fluffy_ things you could say, you said them. _You're in love, __accept_ _it! _

- Maybe just have a simple _infatuation_? And I'm not that attracted to her, it's simply that I spend _too much time_ with Miss Hearts. I won't go to her office anymore and this will _end as it started_-

- _Painfully_. As far as I know, Queenie _dragged_ you here _sedated_ and she gave you a good _black eye the first day you came here_. You'll try... you'll try to be apart and then you'll start _tearing apart_ and spending the whole day _numb_, _without focus_, your mind _drifting to her_: What is she doing, is she fine... I know_. I'm talking from experience.  
_  
- Again, I'm not _sexually_ attracted to her, it's maybe some kind of _platonic love_, she's not exactly beautiful.

- Between _you, me_ and that lamp over there, _professional secret_? That _doesn't_ matter_._ I mean, did you see my _husband's scars_? Would you ever say he's a _handsome_ man?

- I'm _straight_ and I wouldn't know if...

- He's not by any means handsome in the _normal sense_... But _his mind is beautiful._ And that's why _I'm in love with him_. I wasn't attracted to him physically. If you asked me _ten years ago_ if I would marry a man that has a Glasgow smile, dresses like a clown and _kills for fun_ I would have laughed and say "_of course not_". And here I am. _Happily married to him_. And I started _exactly like you_. Just like that. I was his psychiatrist...._then I saw his eyes_. And then the scars were not _that_ important. _He made me laugh_, I was a really _serious_ person back then... and an _unhappy one_. You remind me of _myself_ so much...trying to deny _my own feelings_, making up stupid excuses _just to see him_: Research, blood tests, I needed to see his behavior at night, I needed to talk about certain topics...And then the scars _disappeared_. And he made me free, _truly free_. And I love him, I can't even _describe_ how much I love him...I would kill for him, _I kill for him_. I _changed_ for him...because I know _he needs me...and I need him too_. Nobody ever teaches you _this_ in medical school, they may give you a lot of _theories_ about love. _None of them work in real life..._

- But isn't that to be _co-dependant?_

- You already know we're co-dependant, and that she has dependant tendencies too...As a theory... _Yes, we're co-dependant_. I can't live without him, and he can't live without me. We're on a _sick and twisted_ relationship. _He beats me, yes_. Then he gets into a _depressive state_ and Hearts has to come to get me from Ivy's house _begging_ me to come back because his brother is _refusing to eat,_ or has threatened to _kill himself_. Sometimes she comes furious because Jay stared _cutting himself._ Yes, as a _psychiatrist_ I accept it: We are_ a very sick couple_. But as a person, as a _woman_..._ I love him_. And I wouldn't leave him alone. And he always regrets beating me, _he loves me back as much as I love him_. But I understand that's the only way he knows of loving... and _he's mentally ill_, I just take care of him. And you know what? We're a _happy_ couple, he's a _loving_ husband. And I wouldn't change him _any other man_ in the world. Jonny, tell me with a hand in your heart, _what would you like your life to be?_

- I just want to be with her, have money to conduct my research, being happy. _That's all that I want, I guess...  
_  
- Ok, So you accept that you're in love with Hearts?

- _Yes._

- Ok, _thank you! _You were becoming_ annoying _trying to deny the_ obvious_! Let's say she loves you back. Tomorrow she comes into the laboratory and tells you that she loves you, and you start a relationship. _Tell me, how you would like that ideal relationship to be?  
_  
- I don't know...I just want to be with her. Maybe I would like to sleep by her side every night. Have breakfast together, talking about _books_ and _theories about fear_. Make her laugh...I don't know, I'm starting to sound as a _sick love puppy again_.

- Now, as a _psychiatrist_. Analyze what you've just told me.

- Is _unrealistic_. She's a _cold_ person. For starters, she's _misanthropic_. She would never be with _me or anyone else_ . She only tolerates living in this warehouse with us because we serve her a _purpose_. I'm a _psychiatrist_ she hired to get her medication to live more easily. Her _brother_ is just that: _her brother_. And she tolerates _you_ because she knows her brother is _dependant of you_. She needs him alive because it's the only link to her _past_ and _sanity_. She doesn't love _anyone_. And she wouldn't love _me_.

- I see. As a _psychiatrist_, then, The Joker's _narcissistic_, not capable of love to anyone _besides himself_. _Highly sadistic_, no link to his past, _delusional_. No family, no friends, _no wife, no children known_. Probably he's got _amnesia_ induced by an _unknown trauma_, but probably related to his _facial scars_. We, _Arkham's psychiatric staff, and its director Doctor Harleen Quinzel, _conclude that patient 4122 is incurable and should be confined to _solitary_. He's a risk to himself and others. _Especially others_. Soo...what do you say Doctor Crane, _does any of this make sense?_

- What are you trying to tell me _exactly?_

- _Psychiatry is bullshit, Doctor. Analyzing people is bullshit_. You never get to know a person if you treat them as _laboratory rats_. See? My husband is a _madman_ according to my _own_ analysis! However he has a family, he has a wife and _he's very capable of loving_. And what about Hearts? You can say she's a _highly manipulative person_, _sadistic and misanthropic_, that's what you said, _right_? Now, tell me your _personal_ experience.

- She's not as _cold_ as she demonstrates, she's _kind_ and not that manipulative as someone would assume from a _professional blackmailer and hacker_. She has a wonderful laugh, and she's _intelligent_. She only does what she does because she _has to_. _She loves her brother so much_ that she's capable of _begging_ someone else to come back to their house...She takes care of her family dearly. She knows you're not _capable_ of managing the finances but she doesn't want to _bother you_ and she spends the nights alone in her computer trying to manage a huge corporation _alone_.

- And regarding _you?_

- She treats me as a _friend_... she likes talking about _books, fear, anything._ And she's _funny_ sometimes.

- Now as a man, _is she capable of love_?

- _I don't know..._

- _C'mon!_ Stop _lying_ to yourself!. She needs a _little push_... and you'll end up together in the blink of an eye! _That's all!_ She behaves _just like her brother did when he met me_... she _doesn't know_ how to act, everything's _new_ to her...

- What do you mean?

- _She loves you back, she's confused_. I shouldn't be telling you this, but the only relationship she had before was an _abusive_ one. When she was younger, _I think 18._ According to my husband, the guy was the one who taught her how to hack computers, and then he saw _she was better than him_. He started to ask them for _more money_, to beat her _senseless_. My husband _had_ to kill him, he had had enough of her sister trying to kill herself. _And then a person like you comes into the picture_. A person that loves her _sincerely_. She doesn't know how to act... but she loves you. _I'm sure of it.  
_  
- Don't raise my hopes for _nothing_, Harley. _It's cruel_. How would you know?

- I know _her_... and I know_ my own husband_. They are different sides of the same coin. But they're _exactly the same_. If you watch carefully you'll see they even have the _same mannerisms_. And she behaves exactly _like her brother did _back then, but in a _different environment._

- How so?

- Well, when my husband wanted me to be _by his side_ in Arkham _all the time_. He did the _harshest_ things just to _see me_, and he didn't accept _anyone else_. For example, he feigned _trying to kill himself._ And then, when he saw _me_, he just stopped _his act_, _smiled_ and he started to talk to _me_ about his mother, his father, people in high school and such. He made jokes _to make me laugh_, asked me to tell any if I knew. One day he said I was the only _real friend_ he ever got to have...and that he was _glad_ to be in Arkham _as long as I was there_. I broke him out. _He didn't belong to Arkham_. And I had to tell him I loved him first. He was just so _confused_, and he started to explain what he felt for me, and he _described_ being in love. _He never said it_. Not until Hearts almost _put a gun against his head and told him to do so_, which was pretty hilarious, by the way. Tell me doctor..._doesn't it sound familiar_?

-I don't believe you, she's _not_ in love with me, I'm just a psychiatrist to her... maybe a friend. That's all.

-Ok, we've been here _an hour_ discussing this, I won't change your mind but time will prove me right_. I bet she will end up in your arms between now and next month. I bet...10 thousand dollars.  
_  
- Sad as it is..._I bet she won't, and never will_. But I'll be here for her as long as she wants me with her. I won't start behaving like a _puppy_ following her around, that would be too..._humiliating_.

- It's really _late_ for that, Jonny..._You've been doing it since the first day you stepped in here. _

**MN: **_**Ehh...pull your skirt on, baby**_**. Oh. You weren't supposed to hear **_**that**_**! **_**hehe...  
**_**  
FN: **_**God... hand me a pack of cigarettes. Ok, there. Thank you sweetie**_**. Oh well, sorry for all this... **_**unprofessionalism.  
**_**  
MN: **_**Damn**_**! We didn't even put the **_**descriptions**_** and **_**actions**_** there? Just the **_**dialogs**_**? **

**FN: **_**Yeah**_**... I think we'll get fired. No, we wont, we're the only Narrators around. Anyway. That happened in Harley's private room. But let's not forget about the **_**other people**_** living there that had put **_**microphones everywhere**_**: **  
_  
"Fuck I lost! I'll kill Harley!"_

"_Oh Harley you can be so helpful...!__I just knew that little act would work...! I won! And now it's Showtime!"  
_  
**MN: The bet was **_**"making Crane fall in love with her". **_**Meaning: **_**He**_** had to start the **_**so called relationship.**_** But he's a shy guy, in love, without much experience in that field... intimidated by someone who's not only his patient... **_**but his powerful boss**_**... **

**FN: So Hearts did the following to give him a **_**little push**_**. This happened that **_**very night**_** in her private room. **

**MN: **_**And the Joker was listening to the whole thing!**_

- Miss Hearts? _May I come in_?- says Crane knocking the door, shyly.

- Of course, take a sit- Hearts goes to open the door to him and motions him to a sit in front of her desk-

- May I take a sample of your blood, Miss Hearts?- Crane says confidently-  
_  
"Such a lame excuse...but it would be too obvious to go around asking... 'Can I touch your skin, please? I need to be close to you' I'm pathetic." _

- Of course- she answers smiling sweetly to him- Do you have everything here?

- Yes- he tells her getting a syringe. She pulls her sleeve up and offers him her arm. He takes it carefully...  
_  
"I'm _beyond_ pathetic...I don't even _need_ this.. oh, she's so little, like a ballerina...I wonder how she's in bed...? She must be really flexible which would... Jonathan, don't even start thinking about it! It will never happen! I would kill Harley for making me think about this..."_

-There- he says pulling the syringe out of her arm, giving her a small piece of cotton pouring some alcohol on it- press it in your arm.

"_Oh look poor little doctor all in love and blushing...haha! Ok, I need him to say something here... and I'll win this game"  
_  
- Do you want to stay here? I want to show you _something_- she says smiling and getting up of her sit, heading to the library- the other day you looked interested in my books right? Come here Jonathan I'll show you something- he walks to stand beside her, his hands on his back. She starts tiptoeing to one of the bookshelves, and gets a small book - This one. _It's my favorite._ El Aleph. Have you ever read it, _Jonathan_?- she says handing him the book.

- No, I haven't- he says opening it- It's in Spanish?

- Yes, I got myself a copy signed by the author- she answers to him smiling shyly.

- That must have been expensive.

- It was in a museum...- she sighs- But why to have something _like this_ in a museum where nobody really _appreciates it_?- she says getting closer to him.

- You're right. A book is to be read, not to be showed as a simple item- he says looking down at her brown eyes - _Me lo prestaria, Señorita Corazones?- _he ends smiling_  
_  
- _Por supuesto, Doctor_- she grins- Do you speak Spanish fluently too?

- Just a few words... but I do speak _French_ pretty well.

- Oh... I'm just bad at it. I'm good with _Spanish_, a disaster with _French_.

- Would you like to learn?- He offers

"_haha! Ohhh kinky! The professor student routine? I bet he wants be me to use some of those Catholic schools uniforms...hahaha! Little perv"_

- How much would it cost me, _professor_?- She starts to negotiate.

- It would be useful to improve my Spanish- he answers shyly.

"_Oh what now? I'm gonna be the one spanking him? Haha! Jay must be wanting to die right now! Hey! You're listening baby? I'll be using a short skirt for another man...does that make you depressed? Haha"_

- I've never been a professor, but I guess this one is simply too advanced- she taking the book out of his hands, touching them briefly - But I do want you to read it- she smiles at him- I'll get a copy in English for you, I must have one over here...- she starts looking in the library again- No wait- she says turning her head back to him- take it- she says handling him the book again- I guess is only appropriate- she explains- My favorite book to my favorite employee... _and a gift my best friend._

" _Did she call me her best friend? I'm only that to her, a friend, she'll never be with me...stop dreaming Jonathan... or maybe _Harley's right_. What if she's right? What if she is in love with me?!"_

- But Hearts, I _can't_ accept it..- he says giving her the book back-

- I want you to have it Jonathan, you're my best friend. _Take it_- she says putting the book in his hands again, looking at his eyes warmly- Just promise me something- she puts her head down sadly-

- I'll get the cure as I... - he starts.

- _No_- she interrupts him, hugging him tightly by his waist. He just stays there, frozen, his mind in blank- _Just don't leave me alone in a world full of stupids_- She says looking up to him, directly to his eyes. He just stares back at her, dumbfounded- _I need you Jonathan,_ you're the best friend someone like me can have- she tiptoes to give him a kiss just in the corner of his mouth, caressing her face briefly... waiting for him to kiss her... or say something. He doesn't.

" _I...I...I... don't think I can handle this without throwing her to the bed and...I better be off here!"_

**FN: ****He just storms out the room, leaving a very frustrated Hearts behind. The Joker is at the door, smiling maliciously at her.  
**  
- So you couldn't turn him to the _dark side_? Your _cookies aren't that good_ or what?- he says resting on the doorframe, his arms crossed- She only looks furiously at him.

- My cookies are not _good_, they are _fantastic_ – she answers coldly- We'll talk at 3 am in the kitchen. Bye bye, dear brother- she says trying to close the door, and he doesn't let her.

- See ya later, Lil Sis- he says giving her a kiss on her check mockingly- And I'll get some cookies from ya.. Let's see how good they are.

**MN:**** And she slams the door angrily.**

**FN:**** Ok, this was enough for now, I'm having a **_**headache**_**.**

**MN:**** That's not excuse **_**not to...**_

**FN:**** Shut up! He'll tell you the rest in a couple of minutes, we have something to do. **_**Ciao.**_

**MN:**** Bye. I've got something really important to do, kiddo! **_**And you come here, toots!**_


	14. Cookies

**MN: **_**Ehhh H**__**ellooo**_**? Anyone there? Hope not, I've got to... **_**hehehe**_**...Yeah, nobody here. Ok, **_**HONEYYY**_**!!! **

**FM: It's **_**on**_**, stupid! You're working! **_**There's people out there!**_

_**Sorry for my husband's unprofessionallism**_**. Just let me a **_**minute**_** I'll teach him **_**something**_**. **

**MN: AHH, **_**DON'T HIT ME!**_** NOT THERE! DON'T! **_**AHHH...!**_

**FN: **_**There**_**. He learnt to work when he has to. **_**I'll see you later.**_

**MN: **_**Bitch**_**... Hello there! How are you? Hope you're fine. I'm fine too, just some **_**bruises**_** I've just got because **_**someone**_** I'm not going to name but is listening to the whole thing hit me**_** really hard **_**with an **_**ashtray**_**. **

_**Domestic violence**_**. I'll sue her one of this days... I'm an **_**abused man!**_

**I need to **_**cry**_**... Just a **_**minute**_**. **

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**Ready to work**_**. Let me clean some **_**tears**_** out of my face. **_**There**_**. **

**Ok, Hearts told the Joker to meet in the kitchen at 3 am. I'll show you this and then get some **_**stitches**_**. **

**Yeah... she hit me **_**that**_** hard... I just wanted a simple **_**kiss**_**, ya know? **

**FN: Not even **_**you**_** believe **_**that!**_** Stop talking **_**about us**_** and start **_**working**_**! And don't start your **_**victim routine!**_

**MN: A little **_**lapdance**_**…? C'mon baby… **_**pretty please?**_

**FN: **_**NO!**_** Shut up and start working! **

**MN: Ok… **_**snif**_**… The Joker and Hearts are in the kitchen alone at three on the morning. She's smoking a cigarette resting in the doorframe and he's drinking a beer. They are silent.**

-Tic-toc Queenie- The Joker cuts the silence with a mocking tone- you haven't turned Scary Pooh to the _dark side of The Force_- He says without looking at her. She doesn't acknowledges him- Your cookies aren't that good or _what_?- he ends with sarcasm, grinning at her maliciously.

**Hearts walks to him and takes the beer from his hands and throws it on the floor. The Joker just looks at her annoyed, rolling his eyes. She mouths **_**"oops"**_**, widening her eyes and putting a hand in her mouth mockingly. **

**They start giggling in a low voice, trying not to wake up Harley and Crane.**

-You're running out of _good lines_, dear brother, and it seems you're making me _repeat myself,_ and that's something I _hate__._ So, as you're a _little slow_ I repeat: My cookies are not _good_...are _fantastic.-_ Hearts says recovering- The guy's _shy_, that's all- She shrugs

-_C'mon!_ It's been three and _one week_- The Joker says and she laughs at him remembering the exact date - Ok, he's getting better meds, wont complain about it- He puts his hands in the air in mock surrender. Hearts just crocks and eyebrow- But I'm winning- He ends smirking to her.

-What are you winning besides a _simple bet_?- She asks boredly, while pulling out a cigarette and lighten it. He starts to laugh at her.

"…_ohhh hehehe! Quennie is nervous and kinda horny... 'oh I need to smoke, so badass...' "_

- Four months will pass, he _wont_ touch you...- He starts nonchalant- But he will get something good enough _so we kill em' all_ and we tell everybody we're the King and the Queen, and I wont have to hide my _real_ wife anymore...- He motions to her with his bare hands- _And I'll fuck your brains out until you say please stop_- He ends seriously

- _Oh-_ She says unimpressed- Let me remind you we're _divorced_- She says taking a sit besides him and crossing her arms.

- _Oh! _Let me remind you that we got divorced _in an old car_- He mimics her-...and it's been _three five_ I don't even touch you...- He gets out of his chair ad putting his hands on her shoulders- It's driving me a little bit _crazy_, ya know?- He whispers in her ear- _Puh-lease_ get the Doc out I'll kick Harley out and let's do it at least once - He says kissing her ear. She closes her eyes and moans briefly and he giggles.

"_Yeah...I got ya! Hehehe... I'll manipulate her a little more and TADA! Hehe!"  
_  
_"Just a little thing wont ruin the whole thing right? Just a little bit of. ..five months having him around and not touching it's getting me a little crazier than usual...Jay...don't kiss my ear..."  
_  
-And you're _begging_ now - She says recovering, while he starts kissing her neck- I'm not good, I'm _fantastic_!- She ends happily, talking with the cigarette still in her mouth.

**He roles his eyes and sits in his chair once more.**

-Ok, drop your _bitchy act_ just for one minute, please?- He says annoyed- C'mon, I'll drop my _asshole act_.

- We are _The_ Bitch and _The_ Asshole- She tells him matter of factly- I think if you look it up in a _dictionary_ you'll find our pictures there- She says seriously.

**They look at each other seriously for a couple of seconds. Then they start laughing trying to muffle the sound with their hands.**

**Ya know what? **_**I agree**_**. I think I have their pictures in the dictionary I got last year**_**. Let me look....**_

**Yeah, here. **_**See?**_

_**Bitch:**_** Queen of Hearts. **

_**Asshole:**_** The Joker.**

_**Pretty clear, I think.**_

- _Ehhh.._yeah, you're right. But that's with _other people_, not with _each other_, baby- He tells her in a patronizing tone- _Parlay?_

- It's been years you called me _Baby_, _Sweetie_- She says in a mocking seductive tone-

- Ok, let's do this pretty fast - He tells her bussiness like- We said five months, right?-

- Yes.

- So, it's been three months and _one week_, meaning you have _three weeks left_. The guy hasn't touched a hair of your head- He exclaims in a sing song voice- _to my relief...-_ he mutters, almost imperceptible.

**But Hearts, being the Queen of Bitches besides Queen of Hearts, heard him**.

- _Oh poor little thing, he was oh so jealous_- She says faking a pout and patting him in the head.

- Don't do _that_!- He complains, hissing at her. She puts a sad face and cleans a an nonexistent tear mockingly- ehhh...you're _losing_- He says, starting to chew his scars from the inside- Scary-Pooh is getting is _dangerously_ close to get a _good med_ that you'll have to take only once a month. And once _that_ happens... - He takes takes a deep breath for dramatic purpose- No Harley, no Crane, _not anyone_. Just you, me, _the Bat once in a while_, and Gotham!- He ends grinning at the prospect of dropping the whole facade-

"_Please let that _really_ happen...well, at least the part of _'kill them all'_ ... I'll tear Harley piece by piece... Sounds good! But _Jonathan_...No, he's a _good little toy_… for some reason I can't kill him _again_…ugh, don't go there Hearts...hmm... Jay... Ok, let's do a little game here and see if he loses"_

- Tell me, _dear brother...- _She says sitting in his lap and putting her arms around his neck.

- C'mon stop it with...- he smiles amused at her-

" _Hehe... she can't live without me. Hehe...who's begging now, Queenie?"  
_  
-_Sh sh sh...-_ She interrupts putting her hand in his mouth- Why do you care so much to be only with _me_?

"_Say you love me...C'mon! say it!"_

- _Ehhh Queenie?_- He manages to say while she starts kissing his neck- Don't _start_ something you're not going to _finish_!

"_The bitch is just toying with me...don't give up! Don't! You easy boy! She's not doing anything but toying with our feelings...well more with _yours_ than with _mine_... but you're just too happy aren't ya?"_

-...You're kinda making me _happy_ here

**She stops at looks at him to the eyes puzzled.**

- _Really_?- She says in mock concern- Oh well. So you _don't want me to_... -She shrugs and makes an attempt of leaving his lap. He stops her and pulls her down to him by the waist roughly with a tight grip. She only smirks at him

- _No no no_! You stay _here_- He tells her in the ear- Why do you like sitting in my lap Queenie, _hmm?-_ He asks her maliciously-

"_That's it I'm having my fun today, __five months it's more than enough...just half an hour and that's it. But before I'll give it a try to win this thing. And then I'll kick him out!"_

**Hearts puts her head in his shoulder and pouts.**

- _' Cause your my Big Bro and it makes me feel safe from Daddy who's a big meanie_- She imitates a little girl and pulls herself closer to him, who just grins wider.

- _Hmm, oh my lil sis poor little thing!-_ He says faking a sad voice and caressing her head lovingly- Want me to get you to _bed_ and tell you a _story_?- He asks her innocently.

**They like playing that thing, pervs. But it's funny they actually play the part **_**pretty well.**_

- Yeah... Would you tell me one about a _Queen killing a Princess_?- She plays along, in a cheerful tone and bouncing in his lap like a little girl.

**Which is not**_**exactly**_** helping **_**his situation**_** there… he roles his eyes and bits his lower lip.**

- Of course, _Lil Sis...-_ He answers, still caressing her hair -_Once a upon a time_, in a far far away kingdom called _Gotham_.... A _grumpy_ and _tiny_ Queen who liked to play with _puppets_. And in the same kingdom there was a very _handsome_ and _charming_ Prince who also liked playing with puppets. And they played together _everyday_, _all day long_ giggling and laughing happily. The Prince and The Queen wanted to be together, but the Grumpy Queen made the Prince get married to a _Doctor Princess_, who was a _stupid little thing_. The Queen really _regreted_ made them get married, and The Prince was really _bored_ of The Doc Princess. So, one day, The Queen who was all jealous put a gun at The Princess head and _shoot_. Then, _she puked her eyes out with a spoon and put 'em in a jar,_ so she remembered _not_ to make The Prince get married with anyone _but herself_. And then, The Prince and The Queen got married, and they _went to bed_- He ends starting to toy with her belt, and both start giggling- And they did a lot of _naughty_ things _there_... _and in the kitchen, in the living room_...- He follows starting to kiss lick her neck-_ Queenie you do know what buttons to push to make want you, right?_- He says between kisses

- After _don't know how many years_ we've been together...-She mutters with her eyes closed- If I didn't it would be _shameful_- She says coldly- But tell me, _Sweetie_...- She follows in a sugary tone- Why are you so _eager_ to have _only one wife and not two_?- She says facing him and kissing him in his cheek

" _She thinks I'll say the L word just because she started to toy with me? Keep trying! Haha!"_

- I only have _one wife_ at the moment..- He strokes her cheek - _And that's Harley._

- Right, because we're _divorced_- She says in a patronizing tone- So why do you want to kill your wife, it's not like you have a _mistress_...- She crocks an eyebrow to him mockingly-

- That's it Hearts!- He slaps her and she only laughs- You know _you_ are my wife, my _only wife_. Harley was just an _accident_!- He laughs along with her

- An accident you _let happen!_ – She starts complaining, still amused - How would you feel if one day I come here with _Leland_ completely brainwashed, and you can't touch me and we start _kissing right in your face_?- She asks him shrugring.

- As long you let me _look...-_ He smiles at the prospect of that happening, and she mouths "_maybe_"- Ok, if you're not doing anything to release my tension leave my lap now _or things will get rape-y_- He says seriously.

- You _really_ want me to leave your lap?- She starts kissing him again- _Really? Hmm?-_ She says pulling closer to him and touching his hair.

- We cant do anything, _right_?- He asks her

- Well... it's 3 in the morning, Harley and Jonathan are sleeping _last time I checked the mics..._- She says, making a gesture of thinking, putting her hand under her chin- Tell me, _Sweetie_...- She whispers in his ear- Just tell me the _L word _and you'll get _exactly_ what you want... _everything_...I know you want to do a lot of things with The Queen, _Prince Charming..._

- _Sooo... _that's your game?- He asks her and she nods_- Lust is an L world!_

"_Jerk, he got me! Anyway, I'll try later...he will say it any time soon... that's why Jonathan is here!"_

- Such a coincidence! _I was going to say the same word!-_ She laughs

- Enough said. _Your room or my room_?- He says starting to take out her vest-

- _Mine_, nobody enters there- She answers pulling out of his lap and heading to her room

- _Sure_?- He gets her hand and smashes her hardly to the room's door, his voice serious and with some jealousy in it.

- Yes, Jonathan knocks when he wants to _borrow a book_- She smirks at him

- _Off with your clothes!-_ He laughs and opens the door, getting in and she closes it with her feet while kissing him.

_**Ehhh**_**...well I wont go into detail here because of the **_**company's policy**_**, but... **

_**Let me get the popcorn 'cause I do want to look.**_

_**Hehe!**_** Look at **_**that**_**! **_**Wohoooo**_**! Damn, I might want to practice that with...**

_**Hey, Femme!**_** C'mere and tell me. Doesn't that look **_**fun**_**? **

**FN: Shut up, **_**you perv!**_

**MN: No **_**NO!**_** OUCH! **_**DON'T AHHH!**_

**FN: When will you learn? **_**WHEN?**_

**MN: Sorry, **_**Ma'am**_**, I'm sorry , don't hit me... **_**please?  
**_**  
FN: Did you learn your lesson, **_**boy?**_

**MN: **_**Yes ma'am...**_

**FN: Ok, keep doing your job. **

**MN: Now I have a black eye... **_**Can you believe it?**_

**Whatever, they ended the whole thing. Now they're lying on her bed, looking a little bit **_**tired from their night activities.**_

**I don't even want to describe...can you understand it **_**hurts everywhere...?**_** My wife hit me hard, **_**really hard**_** with that **_**ashtray**_**...**

_**What do you say?**_** Should I go to the Boss and tell him that my wife hits me **_**for fun**_**? **_**Hmm?**_** Tell me, I should get a **_**lawyer**_**? **

_**I..I..I.. cant stop crying now!**_

**This just speaks for itself...I'm just sad and... I don't wanna talk anymore. **

_**I'll go to that corner and cry.**_

- Ok... we got what we wanted.

- _Yeah_...

- This doesn't mean _anything_. We're still _divorced_-

- _Right..._ and I'm still a _suicidal widowed._

- And I'm a... _don't know, _get me the cigarets. _Hey_! I told you to get my my pack of cigarettes! _Don't fall asleep, I'm talking here!_

- Ok, _stop bitching Your Highness_! There. Tell me... _Round two?_

- _NO!_ Listen Jay. Pretty simple, we're getting to the deadline:Three weeks left. I'll win. _Starting tomorrow's night._ Remember you can't do anything until four months pass...and you'll have to put up with it_. All of it._ And maybe… just maybe I'll decide to keep my puppy by my side...I've just had a good idea. _Get out of here, bye bye, ciao, adios!  
_  
- Hey! _You're kicking me out of your bedroom?_

- Yes. _Get out._

- You're not _that_ menacing being _barely 5 feet_ and completely _naked_, ya know?

- You want Harley to find out?

- C'mon, the girl is _crazy_! She could enter though that door right now, se_e us having sex_ and her mind would get a _good excuse_, like_...dunno?_

- I _fainted_ and needed to get air, and you were having a _bath_ and came in a _rush_ and you had to take _my clothes off_?

- _Congrats,_ Your Highness! That's the _lamest_ excuse ever invented by _humankind_!

- _Harley _would believe it. _Jonathan wouldn't_... at least not _yet_. We're risking him _remembering us_ and that would be a _disaster._

- _Wait._ He enters to _your_ room in the middle of the _night?_

- More like an _office._ And yes, he does. _Hey, why so serious?_

- Don't try to imitate me, _you're bad at it._

- And that line is _reaaally_ lame, anyway. _"why so serious, son, why so serious"… buy yourself a dictionary and expand your vocabulary._

- He gets in here _just_ to read books and drink tea like the _sissy_ he is, _right?_

- We have moved to more _entertaining_ activities recently. Really entertaining activities… and let me tell you.. he's really good… better than you actually. I just felt some pity for you and…

- I'm out to kill _Nerdy Doctors_, baby! _Don't wait for me!  
_  
- _Sooo_... you actually _believed it?_ You should have seen your face! _Haha!_

- You want me to kill you, _right_? and I bet he doesn't have a cock, like those _Kent dolls.  
_  
- I bet he has one, _bigger_ than yours and that he's _dynamite_ in bed. Well, _Sweetie_, it's past four, _you should really get out._

- _Ok, Ok_...! When I win this _I'll tie you_ to this _very same bed_ and _nobody_ will save you! I'll have you there for one _week in a row!_

- _Deal_. You got _your_ cookies. _Get out._ Jon is waiting for _his_ cookies... _he'll get them_. Don't get jealous would you? Bye bye, _dear brother._

**I'll just add she slammed the door in his face and he started to kick it while she laughed at him. **

**That's all I'm saying...I'm tired...I want to **_**divorce**_**! You heard me **_**Femme**_**? I've had **_**enough**_**! This is **_**not**_** fair! **

**FN: Come here, **_**Swettie**_**. You know I didn't mean to **_**hurt you**_**, right? **

**MN: **_**Yeah...?**_

**FN: And I love you, you're just **_**not behaving very well**_**, and I **_**have**_** to teach you...do you understand that, **_**Sweetie**_**? **

**MN: Yeah. **_**I love you!**_** You're really **_**sweet**_** and **_**I love you**_**! I want to be with you **_**forever!**_** Oh **_**baby…**_** you really have **_**great**_** boobs… **_**I love you!**_

**FN: **_**Me too**_**, boy, **_**me too**_**... But you **_**have**_** to do **_**your work**_** when **_**I**_** tell you to do so... **_**poor little thing**_**... Come here... look at that **_**black eye**_**... See? **_**That happens when you don't do as I say...  
**_**  
MN: I feel bad, I'm not doing it anymore. **_**I promise!**_

**FN: **_**Good boy...**_**! Well, next time I'll show you the night Hearts made Crane tell her that he loved her, and I'll do it according the the **_**company's policy.**_

**Don't think I'm a **_**bad person**_**! I don't abuse my husband...**

_**That much.**_

_**Oh!**_** I have to say this, we're corporeal to **_**each other**_** and he **_**lied**_**. I didn't hit him with an **_**ashtray**_**! **

**It was a **_**pan**_**...and my **_**bare hands**_**.**


	15. Fear of Love

**Welcome again. Female Narrator reporting to duty. **

**Male Narrator is now in bed resting, **_**poor little thing.**_

**The last time you were here, Hearts had an idea how to make Dr. Crane tell her that he loved her, and she kicked the Joker out of her room. **

**Just after the Joker stopped kicking at her door furiously, she simply got dressed and started make her idea **_**reality**_**. **

**An hour later she opened Crane's door and silently left **_**something**_** in his desk.  
She left as silently she entered, and went to her private room. **

**In order for everything to work, she had to stay there all day long, not making any noises, unnoticed and uneventful. **

**Her **_**absence**_** would drive him **_**mad**_**. She smiled. **

**It was just a matter of waiting there: **_**Crane's mind would do all the work for her.**_

**It would be useless to see what she did that day. Because she didn't do anything but wait, drink tea and sleep in from the night before. Her point was **_**simple**_**: Winning the bet, using **_**any means**_** to accomplish **_**her goal.**_

**Again, she's a machiavelist.**

**So I decided you might want to see this from **_**his**_** point of view. **

**This is what happened to Crane **_**that day...**_**and **_**that night.**_

**After she **_**almost kissed**_** him the night before he couldn't even sleep, **_**or even go to bed.**_

**He simply walked around his laboratory, thinking about **_**Harley's words**_** and hers. **

_**Hearts' voice.**_

"_Don't leave me alone in a world full of stupids" _

**He didn't know what to think about it. His logical side just wanted to forget about it and sleep eight hours,**_** as any doctor recommends for his own health**_**. **

**His body asked for the same: **_**simple and peaceful rest**_**. **

**Not passing around the laboratory with his hands **_**shaking**_**, thinking about a woman who **_**didn't seem**_** to have a soul, just a **_**Puppeteer**_** pulling people's strings carefully to make them **_**scream out of fear and desperation.**_

**But he was **_**doing it**_** anyway. He was thinking about one of the most powerful people he'd ever met. **

**He really should stop thinking about her and go to sleep, as his tired body asked him to do. **

_**He couldn't.**_** Her voice was still **_**echoing**_** in his mind. **

"_Jonathan, you're my best friend"_

**His **_**emotional side**_**, that one he thought he **_**didn't**_** have, refused to stop thinking and wondering about Hearts' actions and words. He never thought he actually had a **_**heart**_** nor **_**soul**_** to feel what he was feeling. **

**He was supposed to be a **_**Scarecrow**_**. It was not only a representation of **_**fear**_**, a **_**tormentor.**_

**It meant something: **_**A man made of wood and straw**_**. And someway, even if he **_**knew**_** he was a **_**genius**_**, he accepted he still had **_**things to learn**_**. That not only made him an **_**intelligent**_** man.  
**_**  
It made him wise.**_

**So, as the Scarecrow from Oz, he was still looking for a brain. Because there was always something out there to **_**learn**_**, and he **_**was eager to do so.**_

**He never realized he was made of **_**bones and flesh**_** up to that moment. That he had feelings, **_**like any other human being.**_

**Just a tiny woman that seemed to know **_**something he didn't**_** made him fall into that **_**horrendous truth.**_

**And then h****e felt something: **_**Loneliness**_**.**

**He had never actually felt lonely. Underestimated, yes. Unappreciated, yes. **

**But never **_**alone**_**, he never felt the **_**need**_** to have someone by his side. **

**And now not only he felt lonely, **_**he felt pain out of it**_**.**

**For the first time in his life, he truly felt fear of something: **_**Being alone.**_

**But he didn't want **_**anyone**_** by his side, not any **_**random**_** person. **

_**He wanted Hearts.**_

**He never truly stopped to feel a hug from someone. Of course he had been with some women in his short life. But they were simply **_**tools **_**he **_**used**_** not to get **_**bored**_** at night, he never felt anything besides **_**sexual attraction**_**. **

**And now he not only felt attraction: He felt **_**something else**_**. He felt her warm arms around his waist as if she **_**burned**_** him with them, the **_**small kiss**_** she had placed in the corner in his mouth making him wonder if he could ever be **_**happy**__**by her side.**_

**He felt as if something he was missing all his life was there for a minute and then gone, **_**ripped out of his body, **_**in the **_**exact**_** moment she pulled away her small lips from the corner of his mouth**_**  
**_**  
He was not only afraid of **_**loneliness**_**: He was afraid of **_**that feeling.**_

**And he had his chance to hug her back, to kiss her. He froze. His mind went blank and for the first time he felt truly scared**_**. Scared of himself.**_

**And he ran trough her door, **_**terrified.**_

**In his mind her voice echoed**_**, again and again**_**.**

"_I need you Jonathan"_

**Not only Hearts' voice was there. Another woman's words repeated in his mind**_**: Harley's.**_

"_Psychology is bullshit, Doctor. Analyzing people is bullshit" _

"_You're in love"_

**But there was something more terrifying. **_**His own voice:**_  
_  
"Yes"_

**Had he accepted that he loved someone else besides **_**himself**_**? Had he accepted that he loved **_**her**_**? **

**His mind refused to let go and let him have his much needed sleep. He never really had trouble getting to sleep. His **_**conscience**_** never haunted him. Whatever he did he did it in the name of **_**science**_**. Or **_**money**_**.**

**But **_**money**_** was just a **_**mean**_** to gain **_**knowledge**_**. Money itself was nothing but **_**green pieces of paper.  
**_**  
And then he accepted, **_**truly**_** accepted it: He was **_**not**_** infatuated, he did **_**not**_** have a crush on her, this was not **_**attraction**_** nor **_**friendship**_** that he felt. **

_**Love**_**. He was **_**in love.  
**_**  
He wanted her by her side not **_**only**_** to talk to. He wanted to feel that again, he wanted to feel her arms around his body, her lips against his. He wanted her to look in his eyes with **_**adoration**_**, to tell him again that he was **_**needed, loved, respected**_**. **

**But his body was still complaining, his eyelids felt heavy and he had a **_**headache**_**. **

**He did what he had to do for the wellbeing of his body: He took some of the sedatives he knew she took every night. He lay in his bed. **

**But that other part of his mind, that **_**unknown**_** part of his mind, refused to stop thinking. **

_**Around 1.00 am his body won the fight against his mind.**_

**He felt asleep. **_**But only to dream about her.  
**_**  
He dreamt about the first time he met her. The first time that together, they had entered to the very room he was sleeping in. When she started to caress his face with a gun and aim it to his temple, **_**whispering in his ear**_**, her lips caressing his ear and his warm breath. But this time her words **_**were not**_** the same than the ones of **_**that night**_**. She was whispering something he **_**didn't**_** understand, he listened to her voice but the words coming from her mouth were **_**meaningless**_**. But he did understand some. **

"_I need you Jonathan...I need you...I need you... the best friend a person like me can have...I love you...I'm alone... stay with me... why didn't you kiss me...? I love you..."_

**He woke up at 8.30. He got dressed in his usual suit as every morning and then **_**he saw it**_**, resting in his desk **_**innocently**_**. **

**Something carefully wrapped in **_**red paper**_**, with a note attached to it.**

**It didn't take a genius to know who had put it there: **_**Her.**_

**He decided to read the note first. Something was **_**amiss**_**... and he didn't know what it was.**

**Probably that the card was **_**handwritten**_**, not **_**typed**_**.**

_  
"Jonathan: As I told you last night, I want you to read this book. It's my favorite. Here I leave you my special copy and one in English so you can read it. You might notice the English copy doesn't have the same title. It's because it's not the same book. The writer, Borges, only wrote short tales, essays and poetry. This is an anthology called Labyrinths, and mostly it has tales from another book, "Ficciones". Here I give you a copy of that one in Spanish too. _

_For some reason, I never though translations made justice to the original version. But I know in due time you will learn Spanish and be able to appreciate it as I do. _

_I need to ask you something, and I hope you do it. I'm asking you to read something specifically. "House of Asterion". I've marked it for you in "Labyrinths". _

_I know you may want to return the copy of "El Aleph", because you know how special is to me. Exactly the reason I want you to have it. As I told you, it's only appropriate. My favorite book to my favorite employee. My most beloved book to my best friend._

_I do not know if you truly think of me as a friend or you're pretending to be one just because I'm technically your Boss. _

_But I like thinking you appreciate me as much as I do you. _

_Please, don't reject it. You're the only person worthy of having it. Even if right now you can't read it, I trust you to learn. I know you will. _

_Please read that tale as soon as possible, and you might understand what I have to tell you. _

_I don't think you really care after what happened last night, but if you want__, take it as an order from your employer._

_Queen of Hearts" _

_PS: I won't be the one teaching you Spanish, I'm sorry. But the day you read it in Spanish, remember me. I'm afraid I won't be there by then" _

**He unwrapped the gift and saw the three books. One was marked. **_**A Queen of Hearts card**_**, marking the beginning of what seemed to be a very short tale. **

_**Only four pages.**_

**He smiled when he saw handwritten next to the title "**_**read me**_**". A slight reference to Lewis Carol. **

**He started to read.**

"_I know they accuse me of arrogance, perhaps also of misanthropy, perhaps also madness. Such accusations (which I shall castigate in due course) are laughable" _

**He started to feel guilty. He had accused her of being misanthropic... maybe she **_**wasn't**_**? Maybe she wasn't what she **_**seemed to be?**_

"_...The sun had already set, but the helpless cry of a babe and the coarse supplications of the many signaled that I had been recognized. The people prayed, fled and fell prostrate; some climbed up to the stylobate of the temple of Axes, others gathered stones. Someone, I believe, hid himself under the sea. Not in vain was my mother a queen; I cannot mix with the common people, though my modesty does so desire it"_

**He laughed at that and he understood what she was trying to tell him. They were like Asterion: **_**Different, scary.**_** Of course **_**normal people**_** would hide of her, her so called family and even **_**himself**_**. Because **_**normal people**_** would never understand their **_**superiority**_**. They would never be able to see beyond, to see the **_**geniuses**_** behind the actions. Because normal people are **_**afraid**_**. **

**They are different, **_**another breed**_**. People like himself and the woman he finally accepted that he loved were viewed as **_**monsters**_**. **

**They were simply **_**superior**_**, and simple minds would never be able to **_**understand them**_**.**

"_Nine men enter the house every nine years so that I may deliver them from all evil."_

**Did she believe that by killing people she was **_**saving**_** them from **_**something? **_**From **_**what?**_

**Maybe from being **_**mediocre**_**, just part of a **_**crowd**_**?**

"_...I know not who they are, but I do know that one of them prophesied, at the moment of his death, that someday my redeemer would come. Since then, the solitude does not pain me because I know that my redeemer lives, and in the end he will rise above the dust. If I could hear all the rumblings of the world, I would detect the sound of his footsteps. Let it be that he take me to a place with fewer galleries and fewer doors.  
I wonder: what will my redeemer be like? Will he be a bull or a man? Will he be perhaps a bull with the face of a man? Or will he be like me?"_

**He didn't like how **_**that**_** sounded. Something was **_**wrong**_**. The tale was beautifully written...but something was **_**wrong**_**. Not with Asterion. **

_**With her**__**.**_

**This stopped being a simple tale and became **_**something else**_**. Something **_**awful**_**, something he would rather **_**stop reading**_**. He felt the temptation to close it and not to think about it. **

**Maybe it wasn't nothing more than a **_**simple tale.**_

_**No... **_

"_Please read that tale as soon as possible, and you might understand what I have to tell you." _

**She asked him to read that for **_**something**_**, and the message he was getting **_**scared him. **_

"_The morning Sun was reflected in the sword of bronze. No trace of blood remained." Would you believe it, Ariadne?" said Theseus. "The minotaur hardly put up a fight."_

_  
__**He dropped the book.  
**_**  
If she was the **_**Minotaur**_**... was she asking for a **_**redeemer**_**? **

**Was she telling him, in some twisted way, **_**that she wanted to die?**_

**Was this a**_** suicide note?**_

**Please no. **_**Not now that he learned to love.  
**_**  
How could she be so **_**cruel**_** to make him love her and **_**abandon**_** him that way? **

**No. It was just a book, **_**a simple book**_**. She liked it, that was all, **_**right**_**? She wouldn't kill herself, **_**she wouldn't do it. **_

"_...My husband had to kill him, he had had enough of her sister __trying to kill herself__...."_

_**She was suicidal...**_** it wouldn't be the **_**fist time.**_

_**No!**_** It was just a **_**book**_**, just... **_**a book.**_

**He waited anxiously for her to appear, **_**as every morning**_**, to talk and drink tea. **

_**She didn't.**_

**And this time, Harley's words were forgotten, replaced for something obscure, something **_**terrifying**_**... **

"_The day you re__ad it in Spanish, remember me. But I'm afraid I wont be there by then..."_

**He wanted to run to her private room and see she was actually **_**alive**_**, that she **_**hadn't**_** killed herself.**

**Was he such a **_**horrible**_** psychiatrist he didn't see it coming? He was **_**supposed**_** to make a **_**cure**_**, something to make her **_**feel better**_**, and she was **_**cryptically**_** telling him that **_**she wanted to die**_**...! **

"_Let it be that he take me to a place with fewer galleries and fewer doors."_

_**It's night.**_** Jonathan hasn't eaten, hasn't exited his laboratory. **_**He can't**_**.**

**He's **_**terrified**_**. **

**He's been waiting for her to come...**_**or someone to tell him she's dead**_**. **

"_W__hat will my redeemer be like? Will he be a bull or a man? Will he be perhaps a bull with the face of a man? Or will he be like me?"_

**11. pm. 24 hours he hadn't seen her. 24 hours...**_**the longest time he hadn't seen her in more than three months.**_** And he couldn't go out of his room and check she was ok, that she hadn't killed herself...**

**And that he didn't hear a gun shot didn't mean **_**anything**_**. She could have stabbed herself with something. **

_**With anything**_**.**

**He remembered an old conversation they had some weeks ago. **

"_-I'm sorry if I'm too bold. But it's remarkable for a tiny person to be able to kill a tall man that way, so easily. _

_-You know which is the secret? It's pretty simple in fact. Every person has the power to kill another, no matter its size, age or gender. But it takes _two things_. One is _creativity_, you can see here I killed this man with a _simple spoon_. _

_-And the other? _

_-Not to be afraid of being hurt. Not to be afraid of killing... or _being killed_. That's why this is easy for me. I'm not afraid of people attacking me because _I'm not afraid of dying"

**He remembered once, for some reason, he had spied on her. He never actually saw her sad until that night. She was alone in the living room with the TV on. But she wasn't watching. She was resting her face in a hand, her eyes lost in thin air. **

**Maybe it was his imagination. **

**But he had seen something in her eyes. **_**Tears**_**. She was crying **_**alone**_** in a dark room. **

"_Would you believe it, Ariadne?" said Theseus. "The minotaur hardly put up a fight."_

**He couldn't take it anymore. But he couldn't get out. **_**He was frozen from fear**_**. He couldn't stand to think she was **_**dead**_**, when that morning she was alive, writing a card **_**to him.**_

**He had seen people's corpses several times; he never felt anything towards those lifeless bodies. **_**Things.**_** They were not even **_**people**_** anymore. **

**But this was different. **_**She was different**_**. He imagined her cold body, her eyes closed and her warm smile gone **_**forever**_**. **

**Then he realized **_**how much he loved her**_**. He never thought love would be such a powerful feeling. **

**He was not only terrified. He was **_**desperate**_**. **

**For the first time in years, he started to **_**cry silently**_**.**

**How could she be so **_**selfish as **_**to leave him **_**alone...**_**? **

**Because loving a **_**living**_** person is not as **_**painful**_** as loving someone who's **_**dead**_**. And if she was **_**dead**_**... he knew he could **_**never**_** stop loving her, that his mind would always haunt him with her **_**memory**_**. **

**More specifically, **_**of the last time he saw her.**_

**A simple **_**kiss.**_

"_...I'm afraid I won't be there by then"_

**Maybe she wouldn't be dead if he had hugged her back****, kissed her... if he wasn't such a **_**coward**_**, such a **_**stupid**_**.**

**He should have hugged her****, kissed her softly... and told her he would **_**never**_** leave her **_**alone**_**. That **_**he**_** needed **_**her**_** as much as **_**she**_** needed **_**him**_**. **

_**That he loved her.  
**_**  
She must have felt **_**rejected**_**. **

**Was this **_**his fault**_** in the end? Because if it **_**was**_**... he didn't know if he could live any longer with the guilt of having **_**killed**_** the woman **_**he loved.  
**_**  
Because she didn't **_**suicide**_**: He **_**killed her**_** in the very moment he **_**left**_** her office, leaving her at her **_**brother's mercy**_**. In his way out he listened clearly how he mocked at her, saying "**_**you couldn't turn him to the dark side?"**_

**Such a **_**stupid**_** man. **_**Cruel**_**. Mocking at his sister's **_**misery**_** so **_**cheerfully**_**, as if she were nothing more than an **_**object.**_

**How wrong were those that proudly proclaimed in the media that she didn't have any feelings, calling her "**_**The Soulless**_**" **

**Exactly like him **_**not**_** being made of **_**wood and straw**_**, she **_**didn't**_** lack a soul. **

_**She didn't lack a H**__**eart.  
**_**  
**_**She loved him back**_**, he realized. But she was as **_**confused**_** as he was. The word "**_**Love**_**" didn't appear in her dictionary, **_**because she had never been loved**_**. Those who said that loved her only said that because **_**words are for free**_**. Because they knew they **_**had**_** to love her. After all her brother was her own blood and flesh. **_**They grew up together.**_** Society said they should love each other. They didn't get to **_**choose**_**, they were **_**doomed**_** to be with someone different because of **_**simple DNA.**_

**Nobody had loved her in **_**free will.**_

**And she **_**didn't**_** have the chance to set apart **_**love**_** from **_**other feelings.**_

"_I need you Jonathan"_

**She meant "**_**I love you**_**". And he stormed out, leaving her **_**alone**_**. **

**Maybe if he hadn't done such a **_**stupid thing**_**, he wouldn't be wandering alone in a laboratory, **_**frozen from fear.**_

_**Maybe he wouldn't have to assist in her funeral tomorrow.  
**_**  
Maybe he wouldn't be hugging a **_**pillow**_**, wondering if the woman he loved was**_** dead.**_

**He wouldn't be **_**crying**_**. **

**He couldn't take it anymore, for the second night in a row he took a bunch of pills and went to bed, trusting that the drugs would make effect and take him to dreamland. **

**1. AM. Jonathan fell asleep, troubled, sad. He felt to the kingdom of nightmares, where a single image scares him: Hearts' corpse in a pool of blood, her brown eyes wide open, empty**_**. A spoon stabbed in her neck.**_

**2. AM. Hearts is in her room, getting prepared for her **_**Great Show.**_** She dressed in her best red suit, **_**clean and ironed**_**. Her tie straight, her red lipstick carefully applied. She sat at her desk and started to load **_**two guns**_**, humming happily... **

- You'll wind up _broken,_ at the _end_ of the round, won't find your _spirit_, in a _lost and found..._

**One has **_**fake**_** bullets. The other has **_**real**_** ones. **

**She stepped in front of a mirror to look at her **_**reflection**_**, her face serious. Concentrated in the **_**act**_** she's going to **_**perform**_**. **

**Her voice, her body language and her words must be **_**credible**_**. **

-Blue eyes, blue eyes, so _blind_, so _blind_....what's the matter with_ you?_

**Although at this point Crane would believe **_**anything**_** coming from **_**her mouth**_**. **

**-** ...Sorrow is so _peculiar_, it comes in a day, _then it'll never leave you..._

**She needed sadness, she needed sorrow for this act. **

-...You take a _pill_, wonder if it will _fix you..._  
**  
She remembered the day she had **_**really**_** wanted to kill herself. She remembered when she swallowed those 60 pills, crying, thinking about **_**The Bastard**_** that had promised her something he never accomplished. She remembered Jack getting into her apartment, completely desperate after not seeing her for some days.**

-...Then wonder _why_ sorrow has _never_ left you...

**  
She remembered the small apartment where they used to live their seemingly normal lives. **

_**Until the day he got himself killed.**_

"_He's close, Mrs Napier. The doors are open. Here you have the address... go save that freak you have for husband... that's it__ if he didn't bleed to death already... oh, don't call the police... you do that and if he's alive... he'll end up in prison. Am I not merciful, Mrs Napier?_

_- You're a son of a bitch... I don't care whatever you made to him... I still love him._

_- Look like I care, girly. Stop talking and start running. It's two blocks away"_

**She remembered running down the street in the middle of the night, praying to the gods not to let him die, her hand under her ****six months pregnancy belly. She remembered when she was stopped. Five men. Five knives. One lighter and a cigarette. **

**She looked at the two pink spots usually hidden under foundation in her cheeks. **

"_We made sure he will be Comedy...sooo...you should be Drama"_

**Her eyes watered, tears started to run down her cheeks. Its only purpose was **_**to act.**_

**She's an **_**actress**_**. She's a real life actress: **_**24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  
**_**  
Because after all, everything's **_**just an act.  
**_**  
Because she's just a **_**character**_**: **_**Queen of Hearts**_**. **

**The **_**person**_** behind the character is **_**long dead.**_

**She exited her private room, and headed to the laboratory.**

**She knocked the door and waited for Crane to open it.**

"_Breath, Hearts, breath. It didn't happen to _you_, it happened to _her_... just an act, it's just an act..."_

**Crane opened the door, confused. His blue eyes widened, fully awake but **_**relieved**_**. **

_**It wouldn't last long. **_

**She simply smiled sadly at him, tears in her eyes.**

_**All the world's a stage. **_


	16. Psychos, Wanna Hear a Joke?

**Well hello there! I'm back from the hospital and now I'm just fine, dont't worry about me! But ya know ****what? I don't wanna go back to The Files right now, and Femme is pretty tired of being there too. She had a hell of a headache last time from being there, trying to filtrate Crane's emotions to ya. **

_**So here we're again.**_

**Guess where? **

**In her bedroom. **_**They are about to wake up!**_

**Aren't they just **_**sweet**_** when they sleep? You would never guess they're two big fat **_**psychos!  
**_**  
**_**Awww**_**....look at her, hugging him like a **_**little girl!**_** They are a **_**cute couple**_**... **

**Once you take off their knives, guns, bombs, spoons, pencils and... well, **_**everything**_**! **

**I know, I know you wanted to see what happened to Crane, but Femme will keep on telling ya that tomorrow, when they go to sleep. **

**Hey! Can you believe it's only been **_**two days?**_

_**Haha!**_** We've been wandering into **_**their minds**_** and in **_**The Files**_**a lot!**_**  
**_**  
But you know what...? I'm feeling like **_**talking to them now**_**. **

**I wanna see how they're gonna to react to **_**me!  
**_**  
Don't think they're gonna be **_**scared**_** but they may do something **_**interesting**_**... **

**Ok... so... **_**countdown!**_

_**T**__**en, nine, eight...**_

- What the hell is that!-  
_  
__**Oops?**_** They woke up before I ended!  
**  
"_**Hello love birds! How are you doing so far?"**_

- Would you please tell me _who_ are you and what are you doing in _our_ house?-

"_**Oh C'mon **__**Allie**__** don't start your professor routine, it doesn't suit you!"**_

-Jay, what's _that_?-

- I have _no fucking_ idea-

"_**I'm your guardian angel, if you want to address me like that..."**_

- Are you the _thing_ he was telling his Joke to?-

"_**Kind of. I know the Joke.... allll of it!**_"

- No, you _don't_! Nobody _but us_ knows it! Why were you _soooo curious_ last time, _uhmm?_

"_**Yeah I know. Hey Allie how does it feel to be pregnant again? What are you going to call the little baby?This time it's gonna be a boy! Congrats!"  
**_  
- I...I... don't want to be pregnant to start with_! It's his fault_!-

- It's _yours_ for being a _cold hearted bitch!-_

"_**Don't argue, you're a cute couple, ya know?"**_

- We're _not_ a couple, we're _siblings_! –

- _Right!_ He's my _brother_, we have a good explanation _for..._ -  
_**  
" Yeah, right... that's why he knocked ya up again! Haha! I told you I know everything, kids! I know, I know... it's the habit of pretending to be siblings! C'mon! You've been married for... ten years**_**?** _**Wow, things changed since that happened! I mean... you used to be nice people... but never normal, let's face it..."**_

- I need a cup of coffee, I'm going to the _kitchen_. Wanna come with me, _Queenie_?-

- Yes, I'll get some _tea_ -

"_**Don't try to ignore me! You can't! Hey you, Jackie boy! What are you gonna tell Harley...? 'Oooops, I kinda got my little sis pregnant?' Haha!"  
**_  
- Do you hear something, Your Highness? _Kinda annoying_?-

- I think it's a _fly_-

"_**Haha! It's bird, It's a plane. NO, It's Superman!**_ "

- You're _not_ funny, _ya know_? Why don't you get the _hell outta here_ and let us have breakfast in _peace_?-

- We need to eat something, _please_ leave us alone. If you want you can go to the living room and watch some films, _be my guest-_

"_**Sorry, you had a breakdown and almost killed yourself, you're right. We don't want you to have a miscarriage out of stress, right?**_ _**Besides... do you wanna lose another child? Last time was your fault. Both of you. So don't argue about that, yeah?"**_

_-__Ignore it Queenie!_ Don't start to hyperventilate, you're going to faint and I won't take your _sorry ass_ back to the bedroom!

_- I..I.._Don't want to be pregnant _again_ Jay! I need some _pills_ and I'll be just...

"_**Don't start taking meds, it's bad for the baby Allie! That's what Jon told ya last time, right? yeah, that's exactly what he told you... but you lost the your little girl anyway, didn't you? Catherine Napier, RIP. Well, kinda... she was never born to start with..."  
**_  
- Get the _fuck_ outta here _now_!-

"_**Ok, Ok... Jack. I'll let you eat something and then we can chat a little... I have some stuff to tell ya... and I wanna hear the rest of that Joke!"**_

**Well, I'll make myself invisible for a while... they don't need **_**too much**_** stress. But it's **_**funny**_**, isn't it? Haha!**

- Are we _alone_ now?-

- It's still here, I can feel it

- _Allie..._ don't cry..it's gonna be _ok_-

- No! this is a disaster! Why did you have to get me _pregnant_? I'll lose what's left of my _sanity_! We're seeing _things_ now! We're getting _schizophrenic_! _Please make it go away..._

_- I can't_, you know that. Get me that! I don't want you anywhere _near a spoon_!-

- No! _I need it_.

- Whatever, _Hearts_. Just don't _try_ anything _funny_, yeah?

**Mmm, they went to the bedroom again. C'mon, let's follow them. Haha! They're so nervous and trying to hide it! It's funny to mess with highly dangerous psychos!**

**Well, I didn't drop any description in there, right? Sorry, when this stuff happens, it has to be the two of us. Femme and me. For example, now I'm talking to ya, and femme should be the one describing what are thy doing... that's when things are happening at the same time we're telling them. Not the same with the Files... in which case we can stop, rewind, forward as if it were a tape. **

**In their minds it's a little bit more difficult, but we can do both, because we don't have to filtrate nothing, just narrate. **

**But right now... well, I cant do three things at the same time: Narrate, describe and talk to them... it would be a disaster and they would notice about it. they would notice you're here too.**

**Well, I'll let them be for a while... **_**aren't they cute?**_** She crying in his chest and he's trying to calm her down... **_**they are talking**_**... but those are definitely **_**not**__**The Joker and Hearts**_**. Those are **_**Jack and Allie...**_** who **_**used**_** to be **_**good people. **_

_**RIP The Joker and Hearts... welcome back Jack and Allie! **_

_**Hmm... I don't know **_**if **_**Allie**_** will love the **_**Joker**_** or **_**Jack**_** love **_**Hearts**_**... because they will keep behaving like the **_**monsters**_** they became. **

_**But deep down...**_** those are **_**Jack and Alicia Napier**_**. **

"_**Well kids, you had breakfast! Now Jackie, tell me that Joke!"**_

-_Ah..._You had this _girlie_, right? She was _alone in her apartment and_...

"_**Blah blah blah..! Nah, I'll tell you both a good Joke!"**_

- No! And you lay down, Your Highness, you're going to _faint_

- _I..I..I can't even talk!_

- Leave us alone, who are you? _Someone we killed haunting us?_

"_**Nah! I told ya I'm your guardian angel, call me...hah... Macho Man!"**_

- You're _crazy_! You must be a _faggot_ if you want us to call ya _Macho Man_! I'll put _this knife_ where ya _like it_, you fucking _son of a bitch!_

"_**Hey! I have a wife, ya know? Even a kid... And what are you going to do with a knife to an incorporeal being? Weren't you two geniuses?**_"

- _We are!_

"_**So I was telling you a Joke. We had this two manipulative psychos, let's call them **__**Joker**__** and **__**Queen of Hearts**__**. They were together, but shh...nobody had to know right? Especially the Docs you two are supposed to be married to!"  
**_  
- _Shut up! _

"_**They invented this whole story that they were siblings: Good tale! Rape, abusive parents, children of the streets blah blah blah! Congrats, you can sell it as a soap opera!"**_

- _Get the hell out of here!_

"_**And they didn't love each other. Not one bit. Zero, Nada!"  
**_  
- We _love_ each other!

- _You lost Jay! _

- C'mon, we're being _haunted_ by a _ghost_ and you think about _the game_!

- _I won!_ You love me? _Really?_

- _Yeah..._

- _I love you too..._

- You lost, _bitch!_

- _Go to hell Jack! _

"_**Kids... accept it. Queen of Hearts and the Joker didn't love anyone but themselves. Not the case of their alter egos!**_ "

- What _alter egos?_

"_**Jack and Alicia, of course!"**_

- They're _dead!_

"_**No, you woke them up from the dead last night, kids. And a little secret... they love each other to death! They would kill and get themselves killed for the other anytime"! **_

- I wouldn't give _my_ life for _him_!

"_**I beg to differ, Miss Hearts, would say your other husband Doctor Jonathan Crane... Hey Jack, how does it feel to be cheated omn, to wake up every morning to see your wife sitting in another man's lap, while having breakfast?"**_

- _Scary Pooh_ doesn't have _anything_ to do with this!

"_**Oh yeah he does! Anyway, Jack and Allie loved each other so much that when the other died... well, Jackie boy you were pathetic. Do you remember how much you cried when she died? You used to sleep hugging her dresses! You even tried to kill yourself! Did you ever tell her that? And the red roses you left in her tomb every Sunday were lovely, too!" **_

- You did _what?_

- Don't believe this _thing_, he's _lying!_

"_**Oh believe me Allie! He cried as much as you did! Hey, you used to wear his clothes and start talking to yourself, trying to imagine him by your side, then start to cry and try to overdose once in a while! And then you would go to his tomb and cry cry and cry there for hours!"  
**_  
- You wore _my_ clothes?

- You slept hugging _my dresses!_ Shut up!

"_**Anyway, I got off the road, thing is... they defeated death just to be together! They loved each other that much! But... once they got together again after so much effort... they didn't love each other anymore. And Joker got married to a blond doc, Harley Quinn, rings a bell?  
**_  
_**And then Queen of Hearts got married to another doctor... hey Allie!"**_

- _What?_

"_**Did you ever tell him you actually liked your dear Jon since the very minute you saw him back then when you were pregnant? You liked him a lot! Ehh... let me get The Files... here: "oh god... he has the most beautiful blue eyes... Allie, you're pregnant and married... but he's hot! He's a professor right? Hehe...I wouldn't mind doing the professor student routine with him!" **_

_**Yup. You liked him a lot, Allie-girl!"  
**_  
- _You whore! Bitch!_ How could you look at me and tell me you _loved me_ while thinking about _him!_ I bet you cheated on me _back then too..._

_-__I... I... _I didn't like him _back then!_ He was just a _pompous doctor!_

- You're _stammering_, you're _lying!_

- I'm not! _I'm nervous! _

"_**Hey Jack! Cant you take a joke? C'mon! She didn't have eyes for anyone else but you, stupid! Hey, you can actually go around saying that Allie cheated on you? Nah... You're talking about the woman that gave her life for you... what you just said just put you in the 'asshole' category...**_

_**But you should have seen your face! Haha!**__**"**_

- Insensitive jerk, I'm _pregnant!_

- Well, at least I know you _didn't_ cheat on me..._come here_, you're going to faint _anytime soon..._ breath... take a _deep breath_ and _ignore_ it... _whatever_ it is... _You!_ Get the hell out of here!

"_**Nop. Not until I tell you the whoooole Joke. But it might be scary and kinda disturbing for ya, Jackie!"**_

- Nothing scares _me!  
_  
"_**Wanna bet? C'mon, you and Allie here sure love bets!"**_

_- No! _

" _**W**__**hatever.... The Joker wanted a little of revenge and to win a stupid game so he changed Queen of Hearts contraceptive pills and got her pregnant just to make her miserable! But guess what? HE LOST!"**_

_- I won! _

"_**No...**__**No you didn't.. .Remember exactly why you almost killed Jonny Boy, who's right now in Arkham waiting for his wife...? Oh yeah... look at yourself, you know why... you were jealous... and she was developing feelings for him, right? Actual feelings...Ha Ha!**_

_**... Ever wondered why Allie here got out once in a while? Not like she would go to a mall or something!**_

_- What?_

- Shut up, _please_, I'll do _whatever_ you want! _Just shut up!_

"_**She went to visit a certain blue eyed doctor in Arkham... to check her puppet still had it's strings attached to her little dirty hands... or at least that is what she tells herself...**_

_**Anyway, the puppet wanted something back from her... well, it's only natural... he's her husband after all!**_

_**See Jack? That's why you don't start messing around with **__**your demented and unstable wife!**_

_**Hey Jackie boy, why so serious?**_

- _Hearts...?_

- _It's truth..._

- The child... is _not_ mine?

- _I..I..don't know!_ How am I _supposed_ to know?

_- Whore!_ How could you cheat on me like that, I'm going to kill you, _I'll kill you!_

- No! _get off me!_ You're _hurting_ me!

- I'll do _whatever_ I want with you, _bitch_! I'll kill you! How...?! How...could you _cheat on me,_ Allie?!

- Try that again and you're _losing your eyes!_ I mean it! And _you_ cheated on me _first!_

"_**Hey Hey Hey! Don't kill each other! You won't be able to live without your oh so beloved spouse!**_  
**  
**_**Jack, don't worry, the kid is yours! Believe me, I know for sure, kid! **_

_**But you will be wondering that for a looooong time, dontcha? After all... why would you believe me, a thing that popped out of the blue? **_

_**What if the baby-boy has those crystalline blue eyes you hate so much? And black hair instead of brown? **_

_**Did you think about that? H**__**mmm? **_

_**Haha! Isn't it funny that everytime you want to overpower each other it backfires? And now you're going to put up with loving each other for real! And you'll have to be with your other spouses for nine months, trying to hold the whole charade of being siblings when you can barely be apart for more than ten seconds! Haha! Not counting you won't be able to cheat on each other without wanting to die, because you can't even think about anyone else! And jealousy, lots of it!**_

_**Hey Allie-dear, what are you going to do when Harley starts kissing your husband in front of your face?**_

_**And Jackie, what about you? how will you feel when Jon hugs her and puts his hands under her belly, instead of you? **_

_**You see, JOKER, that's why you don't try to make stupid practical jokes that might go boomerang in your fucked up face! Now there's no Joker, it's just you, Jack! You're alone! **_

_**And hey, QUEEN OF HEARTS, you shouldn't be tempting your lunatic husband to do something horrible just to laugh at him! Not like he cares about rules, now that he turned you into the little and shy widow you used to be a few years ago! You're weak! **_

_**See kids? That's why you accept Destiny and move on with your lives, not defeat Death and make yourselves more miserable than you're already! **_

_**Seriously, you could have had a normal life, even get married again and try to move on! But no! And now you're in deep deep shit! **_

_**The most intelligent people does the stupidest things! **_

_**TADA!**__  
_  
- Jay... I'm sorry I almost _poked_ _your eye out._

- I'm sorry I punched you that bad. You're going to have a _black eye_, right?

- _Probably_. Why did you have to do _this?_

- Because I'm getting _crazier_ with _age_... I'm sorry Allie, I just hope I didn't puch you enough to.. _have a misscarriage._

- No, dont worry, _you didn't..._ We'll try to make it right this time, _right...?_ We have _money_.

- At least it won't be _difficult_ to convince Crane, _right?_

- _Yes..._ then we'll kill them _both._

- And things'll be as they should be. _Just you and me. _

**Well, I'll leave them alone. **_**For now**_**. As I told them... now they're just Jack and Allie. **

**Look at them, hugging each other while she **_**cries**_** and he's lost in **_**deep though,**_** probably wondering if the kid is his or not, **_**rocking her back and forth. **_

**So, for **_**you**_** too: Don't do **_**stupid things**_** without thinking about the **_**consequences**_** or you'll end up like **_**them**_**! **

_**Crazy, depressed and doomed to unhappiness for the **__**rest of your life! **_

_**You know what?**_** It's **_**their**_** fault for loving each other **_**so much...**_** they were **_**obsessed**_** to a level that they **_**couldn't**_** live without **_**the other**_** and they managed to be **_**together**_** at **_**any costs, using any means!**_

**You know the **_**funny side?**_** After she died, he was supposed to meet Harley and fall in love with her, and have a **_**normal family**_**. Now he would have a **_**little boy**_**. Of course he would still remember Allie, **_**his first wife.**_** He would respect her memory and cry for her sometimes, while Harley holds him saying it's gonna be ok. **

**Same goes to **_**her.**_** She would end up with Crane **_**at some point**_**... but they wouldn't have **_**children**_** because she would be **_**traumatized**_** by that. Although yes, they would end up getting themselves in **_**illegal business**_** with the **_**Fear Toxin,**_** but they would never be caught, not with her **_**hacking skills**_**. She would still remember Jack sometimes, and fell a little depressed remembering his **_**violent death.**_** Then she would remember she's married to Jon, and that she loves **_**him**_**. Jack would be just part of **_**the past, **_**only two cigarette burns in her face as a memory. **_**But they're barely noticeable.**_

_**Because...**_** they were never **_**meant**_** to be together. Destiny wrote for them Harleen Quinzel and Jonathan Crane. **

**But they were too **_**stubborn!**_

**They were to be **_**happy**_** in the end... **_**but they couldn't let go.**_

**Don't fool yourself into thinking that the **_**puppets**_** are **_**the pathetic ones**_**. No. they're **_**happy**_** living in a world of lies. **_**It's not healthy, sure**_**. **

_**But not as sick and twisted as them.**_

**Harley and Crane live much better than **_**those two**_** over there, crying and sobbing in each others arms trying to **_**mend the past**_**. **

_**Now it's night.**_** They haven't eaten or talked to each other. Just stood there all day long crying and eyeing each other once in a while, thinking about the baby. **

**Then she **_**coulnd't take it anymore**_** and kicked him out of her bedroom, saying she has to think about how to break Jon out of Arkham.**

**He's in his bedroom, crying alone and remembering how happy **_**they used to be**_**. He stopped as soon as he started and now is tearing her white dress to pieces, while laughing bitterly. **

_**Because the Joker is not supposed to cry.**_

**She's in hers, working on one of the multiple corporations they own, ensuring that everything seems legal. She made one or two fake IDs. **_**They're useless**_**. She wants to go to him badly and tell him it's ok. **

_**But Hearts wouldn't do that, right?  
**_**  
In this world... the pathetic and pitiful **_**are not**_** the Puppets. **

_**Those are the Puppeteers. **_


	17. Red Fairy and Pinochio

**Hello, I'm back to work again.**

This doesn't have anything to do with anything... it's really difficult to get up from bed when your husband _**doesn't**_** want you to **_**leave**_**. And it's worse when **_**said husband**_** starts grabbing you by the clothes crying **_**"Nooooooooooooo!!!" **_****

_**Seriously**_**... he's got **_**all eternity**_** to be with me and still he behaves like a **_**child**_** sometimes. And other times I have to treat him more like a **_**son**_** than a **_**husband**_**, telling him to **_**organize**_** all the things he throws around our house (**_**for example looking for his socks or a certain tie)**_** although they never, **_**ever**_** get in order.**

If not _**this,**_** then there are those times he wants to **_**cook**_**... I won't go there because... **_**well**_**... I would need to take a **_**photo**_** for you to understand.**

I think that with _**one picture**_** of the **_**mess**_** he creates would be **_**enough**_** to understand why he ends up **_**getting stitches**_** once in a while. **

**Being around the **_**Joker**_** is simply a **_**bad influence**_**.**

**It's even **_**worst**_** when he goes around saying he's the "**_**Agent of Chaos**_**" and making explosion sounds while **_**trying to cook...**_

**Or when there are **_**actual explotions.**_

**Last time it was **_**completely**_** justified, **_**I swear!**_** I mean... he **_**does**_** have work to do and he can't go around talking **_**nonsense**_** and things that are **_**unrelated to...**_

Wait. 

**I'm starting to behave **_**like him**_** in telling you all these things!**

But I'm _**not**_** an abusive wife! **_**Really!**_** It's only that he **_**needs me**_** to tell him what to do, or his own his life would be a **_**serious disaster.**_

**He would not be the **_**Agent of Chaos**_**, more like the **_**Victim**_** of it.**

**Well, we're actually Chaos' neighbors... that bitch. Destiny, her husband... poor guy.******

But I'll admit last time I got a little bit too harsh on him_**, poor little thing**_**. I do love him and I felt **_**awful**_** after that... that's why I talked to the Boss, asking if he could go and **_**mess around**_** with the Joker and Hearts, maybe he would feel **_**better**_** after having **_**fun**_** with them. **

**I felt compelled to go with him but..****. I had this **_**horrendous**_** headache from Crane and Hearts emotions going wild so I didn't.**

But he was so _**happy**_** after **_**tormenting**_** those two! And I just love to see him **_**smile!**_

_**Ahem-**_** That brings us back to business...**

Of all the things Crane felt that day... I can only show you some things for it to make _**sense.**_** If I had to tell you **_**everything**_**... that his depression was **_**really deep**_**, and he actually **_**mourned**_** her as if she was dead, and if my memory doesn't fail he even contemplated **_**suicide**_**...(It would be maddening to try to tell in any way that made strict, **_**logical sense!)**_****

_**But nowadays...**_** his worst fear is to be **_**alone**_**. And **_**right now...**_** he's in Arkham wondering when is Hearts going to **_**visit him again.**_** Obviously he's got his **_**therapy sessions**_** in which he tries **_**(successfully)**_** to imitate Hearts' techniques and then mixes them with his own. Since then several psychiatrists **_**refuse**_** to work with **_**him**_**, and the ones taking his case quit after one or two sessions **_**due to the stress**_**.**

I guess it's not _**nice**_** when someone makes you **_**doubt**_** everything in life**_** in less than an hour.**_****

Thanks to _**Leland's**__**(see: Hearts)**_** orders, he was never asked about the "****H****" marked in his hand. **_**Leland**_**... she knows. Actually Hearts **_**herself**_** came to her office to tell her that she divorced "**_**Jack**_**" and now is married to **_**him**_**, to respect him and give him **_**anything**_** he asks for.**

_**Let me see The F**__**iles... **_

"It's my _husband_ we're talking about, so treat him as he deserves_. I love him Joan_... and I'm placing him in your hands until his recovery, I trust you... you lost your status as my best friend to him... but you're still my best_ girlfriend"  
_**  
Really good choice of words saying "**_**girlfriend**_**" to Leland.**

You must be asking yourself what about _**GCPD and the media**_**. Don't worry. You'll see **_**later.**_****

_**Ok, where was I last time?**_****

_**Ah.**_** When she knocked the door and he opened. **

**Jonathan wakes up from the sound of someone knocking at his door. He didn't bother to change his clothes to fall in his bed and **_**pass out.**_****

Because what he did that night could _**hardly**_** be called **_**sleep**_**.**

He gets up, stumbling in his feet to open the door to whoever interrupted his _**poor excuse of rest.**_****

And to his surprise, _**she**_**, the woman he **_**loves**_** and thinks **_**dead**_**, is standing in front of his door, **_**smiling sweetly at him.**_****

But something is amiss: Her eyes are _**watery**_**, and her smile seems sad, **_**forced.**_****

That _**itself**_** isn't **_**new**_**, he saw her forcing smiles while **_**depressed**_**, it isn't as important as the fact of her being **_**alive. **_****

He can't even remember all the things that went through his mind this _**last day.**_** Although he did remember feeling **_**desperate, afraid**_**, and the **_**painful**_** realization of being **_**in love. **_****

He has the impulse to place her in his arms and make whatever thought that troubles her enough to make her cry go away, to ask her to never scare him that way again, to tell her he loves her...  
_**  
But he's too good controlling his impulses.**_****

He remembers who he is supposed to be: A doctor, serious, collected and most importantly, her _**psychiatrist.**_****

It's _**unprofessional**_**, no matter that his license is **_**revoked**_**.**

For her he's nothing but her _**doctor**_**, the person she pays a high salary to get **_**good medication **_**to stop her seemingly never ending **_**depression**_**, hidden behind **_**coldness**_**, **_**power**_** and**_** money**_**.**

He is not her _**lover**_**, not her boyfriend and not her **_**husband.**_

_**Yet.**_****

Maybe, and only _**maybe**_**, a friend. Nothing more, nothing else than **_**that**_**.**

He has _**no right**_** to tell her **_**anything**_**, to reproach her for what she's done to him. Because she hasn't done anything but be **_**herself.**_****

_**He**_** was the one falling in love with her. His feelings are **_**his fault**_** and **_**nobody's else.**_

- Hello Jonathan- she says sadly, lowering her head.

-_Miss Hearts_- He acknowledges her, trying to sound professional- Please come in, _how can I help you?- _He asks her business like, successfully hiding his joy and relief to see her alive-

**But we're talking about **_**Hearts**_**. She saw his relief and his joy in his apparently cold eyes and demeanor.**

"_Oh, my little puppet is so relieved to see me alive, isn't he? I would say he almost looks cute! Haha... Hearts, concentrate, he can read you almost as well as you can read him... Jack dead...Jack dead..."_

**She enters the laboratory with her head down, her face covered by the darkness of the room. He just looks at her apparently uninterested, expecting her to sit in his desk and start talking about whatever is troubling her so much. **

_**She sits in his bed and puts her hands in her face, crying. **_

**And when the woman he loves sits in his bed, with her defenses down, her behavior almost **_**asking**_** for **_**understanding**_** and **_**love**_**...**

**... **_**How is he supposed to react? **_

**Turning himself in some kind of **_**prince charming**_**, suddenly a understanding and loving person? **

_**That's out of question.**_

**But what is he supposed to do, **_**stand in front of her**_**, seeing the woman he is in love with **_**falling to pieces**_** and analize the **_**phenomena**_** as if it were an **_**experiment?**_

**No matter that he's a scientist... this was not a experiment, not "action-reaction". He's seen many people **_**cry for mercy**_**, many others trying to **_**kill themselves**_** and several years ago simple **_**depression**_**. He never felt anything but **_**curiosity**_** to know what triggered those feelings, how to stop them or **_**increase**_** them. **

**But this isn't **_**any**_** person: This is **_**Queen of Hearts**_**. And the name got a whole new meaning the day before. Not a playing card, not a Lewis Carol character, not a clever way to turn from the powerless to the powerful. **

**She was not the Queen of any Heart. She was the ruler, the absolute monarch of **_**his**_** Heart. **

_**Disgusting**_** how a cold, intelligent, collected person can be turned into something else, something **_**weak**_**, by some small factor like a warm smile, mutual interests, respect and true interest in his person. **

_**What has he become? **_

**A man **_**in love. **_

_**A human.**_

- Miss Hearts, why are you crying? Is there a concrete reason, or you're just feeling depressed?- He inquires, still trying to sound professional, cold.. _and failing miserably._ His eyes are glued to hers, unblinking and eager for an explanation.

**They look at each other for some seconds. Hearts just throws herself into his arms and sobs harder, her face in his shoulder.**

"_I cant stay here frozen...! Last time..! Last time...! But she's alive...ok, in cases like this is okay for a doctor to hug his patient back, right? _right_?!" _

**He hugs her back and caresses her head. She raises her face and look into his eyes sadly, still crying. **

**He holds his breath, seeing her face coming closer to his, their noses almost touching, and she doesn't tear her eyes from his...**

"_Is she going to kiss me? Wait, she's going to kiss me?! What do I do now?! I can't believe this is happening...this seems to be slow motion, kiss me already, I'm dying...she has such a small mouth.. I wonder about that lipstick, how will it taste..?"_

**She looks down at his mouth for a second and comes closer to him, his heart is running wild from the prospect of her kissing him... he just stays there, frozen and waiting for it to happen..****. she comes closer, her mouth almost caressing his... **

**Briefly she kisses his cheek, right in the corner of his mouth. **_**Again.**_

" _Y_ _Ooooole! C'mon! What do I have to do?! Any straight guy would have me in his bed about five or ten second ago trying to take off my clothes...but we're talking about the ultimate nerd on the planet here. Ok, original plan..."_

**She caresses his f****ace still looking in his eyes. She takes his hands in hers and stops sobbing, sitting in his bed again. **

**He looks at her small hands covering his, confused...**

"_Wasn't she going to kiss me? What happened? I'm so stupid! I should have kissed her! Jonathan Crane you may be the most intelligent man around and you still manage to do the stupidest things! I'll smack myself if I could... and if this ever happens again.. I'll kiss her. It's obvious she wants to do it, but she won't...I am the one who has to do it, I have to take the big step here or..."_

**His thoughts**** are interrupted by her voice. She places a hand under his chin, almost caressing it, forcing him to look up at her.**

- I need to ask you a _huge_ favor- She whispers to him shyly.

- I'll do my best to help you Miss Hearts- He answers with a barely noticeable smile, his tone still cold despite his emotions- _What do you need? _

- Do you promise to help me?- She says, caressing his face with her gloved hand, looking right into his eyes, smiling sweetly at him, her actions someway patronizing, like talking to a small child.

- Yes, of course- He answers confidently, returning the smile with some hesitation.

- Did you read the _book_ I gave you? Or at least "_House of Asterion_", the tale _I_ told you to read?- She asks him holding his face close to hers with both hands, her warm smile still plastered in her face-

- Yes, I did- He tells her bitterly, all traces of smile gone.

- _Did you like it?-_ she presses on the issue.

"_Haha! He must have been so scared... just throw him a few words and his mind would do the job. It's beautiful to work with overactive minds!__ Borges, dude... you always help me with him, right? You wrote for my schemes to work? Haha!"_

- It was beautifully written - He says coldly- I see why you like it

"_How dare she to scare me like that with that... thing. And then be back just to ask me if I liked it...! Does she want me to kill myself with things like that? I would kill her... but she doesn't even know what she's doing to me. She just wanted to share something she likes with me. No, I can't blame her... she doesn't know I love her. Maybe she only wanted to tell me she will be busy to teach me Spanish. I just over reacted. She's here..__. she's sad, only depressed... it's someway normal given her condition. It's nothing... just nothing"_

-I'm glad you did- she tells him, sighing and closing her eyes, her eyes watering again- I need to ask you _something_- She continues, seriously- Remember you _promised_ me you'll do it- Hearts says forcing his face to look at her.

- Of course- He answers intrigued.

**She removes herself of his arms and starts digging in her oversized clothes.**_  
_  
- I'm the _Minotaur_. You're my Teseus, my _redeemer_ - She takes a out of gun her pocket and puts his hands around it, his index finger on the trigger. He's stunned and doesn't react- _Kill me._

**He stays silent, glancing at the weapon in his hands and Hearts eyes, piercing him. **

"_No.. just..NO. No, no__, no, I can't kill her. That's why she gave me the book, to tell me that I have to kill her! Oh God, No... she can't leave me alone. And I won't do it, I won't... you're the most stupid woman in the world Hearts! Don't you see how much I love you?...What am I supposed to do? Maybe if I tell her...No. she doesn't care. She's only interested in me on an intellectual level...this can't be happening, this is _worse_ than her committing suicide!" _

- I'm _not_ going to _kill you_ by any means- He manages to say, trying to maintain his emotions at bay.

- I'm _ordering_ you to do it- She says seriously- I'm your _Boss_, I'm _paying_ you to do it- she tells him looking at him directly to the eyes, no hesitation- Here. _20 million dollars_- she takes out a check and shows it to him. She puts it in his other hand- _Kill me.  
_  
- _I'm not going to do it_ - He answers coldly, looking away from her eyes, his nervousness starting to show in his face, his breathing starting to accelerate - _Don't insist  
_  
- I want to _die_, Jonathan - She forces him to look at her with both hands his face, looking directly to his eyes angrily- _Put me out of my misery!-_ She yells- _KILL ME! _

**He removes his face from her hands, looking desperate and thinking about **_**something**_** good enough to dissuade her from making him kill her, **_**without**_** telling her about his feelings. **

**But his mind is blank, empty of any idea **_**but**_** tell her. **

**Being too afraid of being rejected, he just denies himself over an over again to do it. **

- No, _why?-_ He manages to say after some minutes of silence- You're not a _monster_, you're a _human being_- He tries to rationalize with her.

- What do you think is living like _this_?- She hisses back to him - I'm a _monster_ wandering alone in a _labyrinth_, in this so called _life_! I'm fed up of living _alone_, I just was waiting for the _right person_ to save me- She ends grinning maniacally, her features distortioned my madness- and that's _you_- she says placing his gun against her forehead- Pull that trigger, get the _blue car_ and _escape_ - she continues with a smile plastered in her face and her eyes wide open, tears running through her cheeks. She holds his armed hands against her forehead tightly, not letting him drop it - Put the gun in _my hand_ and _leave the country._ You've got _passports_, everything to you need _in the car!-_ she yells- _KILL ME!_

- I'm _not_ going to kill you, I _won't_ do it- He argues- you're _not_ a monster!

- _I am!-_ she laughs bitterly - _Don't you see? _I'm _alone_ in a world full of _stupids_. I can get in and get out of _this place_, I can kill people! _I do it!_ I save them from this_ sick world!_- she exclaims with false enthusiasm- It's time for someone to _return the favor_- she sighs sadly, all traces of smile gone- and I want _you_ to do it. You're the only person _worthy_ of killing me. _Do it_. Please. I don't want this life anymore. _I want to die._ I don't want to be _alone_ anymore- She lowers her head sadly. She moves her hands and places them in her lap, looking at them. Jonathan, confused by her erratic behavior, doesn't drop the gun, just lets it hang at his side - I've had _enough_, I'm 31 and not even _my own brother_ loves me. Have some _mercy_- she pleads - _Kill me ...  
_  
**Crane is trying to hold his cold demeanor. His emotional side just wants to drop the gun and hold her in his arms... but he's too **_**afraid**_** of being rejected, of her thinking it's just **_**pity...**_

**Of telling the **_**truth**_** and not being taken **_**seriously**_**, being accused of being a **_**liar**_**. **

**How is he supposed to **_**explain**_** he **_**loves**_** her? How do you explain that **_**feeling**_** to someone? Especially a person who's never been **_**loved?**_

- For an _intelligent_ person you seem rather _stupid_, Miss Hearts- He sighs, piercing the silence in the room- What part of _"no"_ did you not understand?

**She keeps looking at the floor, crying silently. She reaches for his hand, the one holding the gun, and rests her head against it, closing her eyes.**

-_Jonathan_... you know my life as well as I do and I _never_ lied to you- Hearts starts sadly, her voice sounding tired, defeated- My life has been nothing but _miserable_, and no matter how much _money and power_ I have. There was a time when I felt _proud_ of what I've _achieved_, but that time has passed and I'm _empty inside_. I've become what the media says I am: a _Soulless_ _creature_. I'm just a huge _scary monster_ lurking in the dark, I've stopped being a person and I'm _ill_. Some _animals_, when they're too ill, must be killed. _They put them to sleep_. This world _won't_ miss me, and my life is not even _worth living_ as it is. I've found _something_ I want to have, but it's _out of my reach._ Money can't _buy_ it, I can't _bribe_ it nor _threaten_ it. There's no amount of _fear_ I can induce to have it, and _manipulation_ would be unfulfilling, a _lie_. I'm not someone who _hesitates_ to _lie_.. but what I want has to be _truth_, if not... it's simply _nothing_. And I don't want it _that way._ I _can't_ live without having it, and I'm _doomed_ not to have it. And _tortured_ by it everyday. _It's lonely on the top_. You know this is true, you know this is not neurotransmitters malfunctioning. _This is the truth_. You know that... you're my _best friend_. You know me better that my _own blood and flesh_ does. I regret _nothing_ that I've done, but neither feel _proud_ of it anymore. I'm just _empty_. My life has _always_ been pitiful and sad, but it's become _sadder_ since I can't have what I_ want most. _Put me out of my misery, _have mercy_. Just kill me and promise me you'll have a _good life_. I want you to have it, that's why I'm giving you _money_: to have a _fresh start_ and make of your life _whatever_ you want, not to _depend_ of this family or me anymore. _You deserve freedom_. And as long as I live, you'll be _chained_ to the money I give you. Kill me. Not only for me. _Do it for you_.

**She lifts her head, still looking at the gun in Crane's hands. She takes her hands out of her gloves and holds his hands between hers, caressing them without looking up.**

**He looks at her completely **_**surprised**_**.**

"_Is this a twisted way to tell me she loves me or am I just imagining things? She loves me back... she's suicidal because I didn't hug her back? Because I didn'd kiss her?! This is all my fault! And she won't believe me, she would never believe me! She'll just think I'm doing this out of pity, to maintain my source of money... this is a _bad_ idea... but it might work. If I do it well... We'll be together after this. If not..._I wish my life wasn't ruled by Murphy's Laws_" _

**He looks down a moment, his eyes closed tight. Angrily, he lifts his face and looks at her, smiling smugly.**

- _You know what_?- He starts coldly- You're _right_. You're _one hundred percent_ right- His smile just grows – In a _metaphoric_ way, you _are_ a monster, _right?-_ He says in a patronizing tone - And I'm your _redeemer_, actually I don't think any other person is _worthy_ of killing such a _monster_. Only me, I'm _superior_. Wasn't that what you told me, that I'm your _Teseus_?- He asks her icily, and she nods in agreement- You're alone in a labyrinth of fools, you're royal blood... _like the Minotaur_!- He says getting up and leaving her alone.

**He heads to his desk, his face straight, the gun still in his hand. She stays sitting in the bed, looking apparently confused, following his every movement with her eyes attached to his figure.**

"_Just like I planned he'll do. Oh Jonathan... I know you better than you know yourself.... you've become predictable with the years. As hard it is to admit... I was kind of attached to you _back then_. Good old times... why did I forget you for so many years? You've been always my most entertaining puppet... and to be truth, my most beloved one too. _Good, old times_... "_

**He stops when he gets to the desk, looking at the book resting innocently on it.**

"_To whatever deity reigning the world... please make this work. If not this is going to end _worse_ than Romeo and Juliet"_

-You're the product of _monstrosities_, therefore a _monster_- He says breaking the silence in the room, his voice loud and cold- Albeit an _intelligent_ and _well educated_ monster- he muses to himself - But your life _is_ miserable, _isn't it?-_ He ends turning back to with the book in one of his hands, the Queen of Hearts card marking the last page of the tale.

- Then do it - she smiles at him- _Kill me_

- I _promised_ that I'd help you. _And I will_- he says approaching her slowly, standing in front of her, looking down at her with fake coldness- Are you _completely_ prepared to die, Miss Hearts?- he asks her nonplussed.

_- I am_- she answers confidently.

"_Not in a million years you would kill me Jonathan...And I'm so sure of it to give you the _real_ gun! Haha! And the second because you _can't_ live without me. _That's the catch_"_

- Then I'll save you from your _worst_ fear... which is to be _alone_- he starts cooly, playing with the gun in his hand- You're obviously not _afraid_ of _death_, neither of pain. You'll _always_ be alone, but you have to _overcome_ your fear... – He says business like- But I guess you're _not_ as _strong_ as I though you were- he sighs- I though all this time you were a _strong person_, I _admired_ you. Nobody's done _so much_ in such a _short_ span of time. Do you _realize_ you have all the mob working for you, that everybody _fears_ you? You have potential to _expand_ your company _world wide_... you must be the _richest_ person in this city. You're intelligent, well educated... _and you've __disappointed__ me_- He says looking down at her smugly- I thought suicide was _below you_. This, in some way, is _suicide_. I don't give _compliments_ like this to _anyone_, and I though you actually _deserved_ them. I never thought you were _soulless_, but I definitely though you were _fearless_. I've seen you do things and make thinks that I though _impossible_, I looked up at you with _admiration_. But now I see you're _afraid_, and your fear is simply to be alone. _Such a normal, common fear_- He tells her disgusted - For me, this is like seeing a _magic trick_ and then being told how it's done. _It loses it's charm_- He explains in a mocking tone- I still think you're not a _literally_ a monster, this makes you _human_ to my eyes. I understand your suffering. After all_, _I'm afraid of being _alone_ and I _learnt_ how to _cope_ with it. I think I may have an idea what's _exactly_ what you want- He grins at her raising his eyebrows. She feigns surprise, her eyes reflecting some kind of desperation and fear- And you're right. It _can't_ be _bought_, it _can't_ be _bribed_ or _threatened_- he whispers sadly, caressing her face with the gun sweetly- I'm sorry to see this is happening, and _I'm sorry to be the one ending with your life_. But you've _asked_ for it. But as you said, I'm your _friend_. And I want to _help_ you. If you think your life must end _here and now_- his smile disappearing from his face, his voice numb_-... I'll do it.  
_  
- So I take that the decision is _made_- she looks into his eyes sadly- _Thank you, Jonathan._

-I've made my decision, but for _this..._- he says pulling her up from the bed roughly by her arm, dropping the book in the floor soundly- _Money is simply not enough_- he hisses to her in her ear-

"_Just being around you made me a good actor? I would never kill you... I don't want to be left alone... but even if this doesn't work, I won't be alone anymore..."_

- _Here_- he says placing the gun in her temple- I _do_ want something else.

- Let's say I'm the _Blue Fairy_, I take you remember _Pinochio_- She starts with a smug tone- And you're _Giepetto_. As you're a good man, Giepetto, I'll give you _three wishes_- she smiles at him smugly- You asked for _money_, you'll have it. With _money_ will come _freedom_. That's your _second wish._ Now tell me... _what is the third?_

"_I'm truly the Blue Fairy... made of wood, and in this case of _straw_, I made dear Pinocchio here a _real boy_... but it's just an illusion. He's still a puppet and he'll never realize. His strings are attached to my hands. Forever. Such a _good_ joke, even Jay would aprecciate it"_

- I would call you the _Red Fairy_ rather than the blue one, Miss Hearts- he tells her very business-like- As _you_ stated just a moment before- he whispers, pulling her closer to him- _I know you as well as you know yourself_- he puts his hands in the pockets of her coat- I know you always carry _two_ guns- he takes a gun out of her coat and puts it in her hands- Oh, _Red Fairy_- he whispers dramatically- My third wish is for _you__ to kill __me_. If you _really_ want to die- he whispers warmly to her in her ear, his lips almost caressing it- _That's the price_- he ends icily, looking directly to her eyes- and it's _not_ to be _negotiated_.


	18. Minotaurs, Redeemers and System Failure

_**Hello there!**_** Long time no see, **_**what's up? **_

_**Male Narrator talking here.**_** You must be asking **_**what the hell**_** happened last time, suddenly you were **_**left alone**_** in the middle of what that **_**sickening soap opera**_** and then **_**puff**_**.. It was **_**gone**_**. **

_**Femme fainted**__**! **_**She went **_**dooooown**_** and disappeared! Haha! Then she was here back home pale and trembling...**_**bitch.**_

**Don't get me wrong, I love her, **_**she's the mother of my child**_** and all... but she's a **_**bitch**_**. I mean... ya know what's to get **_**fourteen stitches**_** from your **_**wife**_** beating you with a **_**pan**_**? You don't have idea, it's painful at **_**so many levels! **_**Not just because she almost **_**broke my skull**_** (not like I would **_**die**_**, but it **_**hurts**_**!) **

**It hurts inside, **_**my manly pride**_**... how the heck am I supposed to look to **_**another man**_** (see the **_**neighbor**_**, Destiny, good guy) when we're drinking a beer or something and he asks **_**"Hey dude, what happened to your face.. and nose.. and head.. and the **__**black eye**__**?" **_

**I could lie and say I got into a fight, or played football without any protection, or that I protected my wife before we got robbed and beat the crap outta three huge men, **_**7 feet tall or **__**something like that...  
**_**  
But I can't say anything like that because I start **_**crying**_**... **

**I end up saying: "My wife beat the crap outta me. **_**Again"  
**_**  
It's **_**humiliating**_**! **

**(Not like he has any right to start laughing at me, his wife **_**now and then**_** beats the **_**crap out of him too**_**... but Chaos is really a Bitch... I mean grabbing a **_**knife**_** and threathening to **_**cut his balls**_**... ugh, **_**please no!)**_

**And cry some more. I'm starting to behave like my **_**emo kid!**_** Damn... how this happened? **

**Never told ya we have a **_**kid**_** right? We have one... an **_**EMO KID!**_** She tries to cut her veins every morning, **_**ya know?**_** It's becoming **_**annoying**_**... she wont **_**die**_**, she only does that to make **_**me**_** feel bad, and then complain **_**about us**_**, saying she can't live with us anymore and babbling about her **_**pitiful life...**_

**Mannipulative like mommy...**

**I need a psychiatrist, **_**seriously**_**. Maybe we should go as a **_**family**_**, and talk about our **_**issues**_**... **

**But I don't want to say nothing to Femme about **_**Story Teller**_** (that's her name) trying to kill herself every morning because she would **_**freak**_**, and then I'll be **_**sex deprived**_** for the **_**next hundred years **__**or so...**_

**And not just that... **_**I love her, ya know**_**? And sometimes I feel **_**unappreciated**_**, that she **_**doesn't**_** love me... and then she says she's sorry, and kisses me... and whispers in my ear, sits in my lap and keeps kissing me saying she's sorry **_**and then...**_

_**Well,**__**ya know**_**. **

**She so **_**manipulative**_**... but **_**soooooo **_**good in bed! **

**You should see her making a lap dance!**

_**Wooo hooooooooo! Yes baby!**_

**(You didn't hear **_**that**_**, never tell her I told you, she's sleeping **_**hehe**_**) **

**Afterwards I realize: **_**I'm her bitch.**_

**It's sad... **_**too sad.**_

**And then Story Teller whining about us... we just love each other, **_**ya know?**_** We like **_**expressing our love...  
**_**  
She says that we're a couple of **_**sick freaks**_**... we're not. I mean, is normal to make out with you wife on the dinner table, right? **_**RIGHT?**_

**My kid can't be **_**traumatized**_** just because she saw **_**Mommy doing a strip tease for Daddy, right?  
**_**  
Risking sounding like **_**Edward Cullen**_

**(Who **_**exists**_** in a **_**parallel universe**_** and let me tell ya...**_**He's gay, there's no Bella**_**! He falls in love with a **_**Latino guy**_** named **_**Pedro**_**. Why did we tell **_**that story,**_** anyway? **_**Ahh**_** yeah, we were **_**drunk**_** and made a **_**stupid bet**_**. Since then we **_**never**_** get close to a bottle. **_**NEVER**_**! Listen to a good advice... dont start mixing drinks until you **_**can't feel your limps..**_**. if not something like "**_**Twilight**_**" appears... That's enough to s**_**care the shit out of anyone**_**, I think...) **

**Ahh, I was telling you... **_**Femme's like a drug to me.**_

_**Like my own brand of heroine  
**_**  
Well, that. **

_**Put the crappy lullaby and kill me.  
**_**  
I **_**don't**_** sparkle... I'm just your **_**average guy**_** who never dies. **_**Period.**_** By the way... since when vampires sparkle...? Ah yeah... that **_**Edward guy...**_** he **_**loves glitter**_**, he's a fucking **_**Diva**_**! Ugh...**

**Ok, were where ya last time? Ah yeah, Crane saying **_**bullshit**_** about killing Hearts. **_**Yeah right**_**. Like he would do **_**that**_**... it's like saying**_** I would kill Femme**_**...**

**First I **_**can't**_** because she doesn't **_**die**_** and second I would **_**never**_** hurt her. **

**Sad that she doesn't feel any remorse about hurting **_**me**_**. **

_**On with the show.**_** If I keep talking about **_**my family**_** I'll end up crying in that corner over there, see? **_**Over there!**_

_**Again. **_

**Hearts feigns surprise, her eyes widened and confused, starting to water. She looks up at Jonathan with her best **_**" sad-puppy-left-under-the-rain eyes".**_

- What are you talking about, I won't kill you! _Why_?- She manages to say, her voice high pitched.

**And talking about **_**manipulative bitches**_**, here ya have the **_**Queen**_** of them!  
**  
- _Why not?-_ He smiles down at her smugly- Here we are- He starts seriously- _Two_ _Minotaurs_. And we've found our _redeemers_, so we'll _kill each other_- He explains as if he were talking about the weather- Put your gun on my temple- He orders her, handing the gun back to her- _Go ahead!_

_- I wont do it!-_ She starts laughing bitterly, a hint of fake nervousness. She's still holding the gun in her hands, hanging on her side.

- Didn't you want to _die_?- He asks her mockingly- That's the _price_- He tells her business-like- _You have to kill me._

- It doesn't make _any sense!-_ She answers, sounding completely desperate and starting to hyperventilate- Jonathan, there's _no way_ I'm killing you? _NO!_

_**Ohhh**__** C'mon! **_**You planned this **_**exactly**_** as it's happening, **_**bitch**_**! **

_**Sorry.**_** I'm **_**sensitive**_** when it comes to **_**manipulative bitches...  
**__  
_- _It does-_ He says apparently non affected by her outburst- It's pretty _simple_, in fact- he says with his face straight, like talking to a student- You're my _Theseus._ I'm the _Minotaur_. I was alone my whole life, living in a world full of _stupid people_ who are _afraid_ of everything- He sighs- And you saved me by _dragging me here_, putting a gun to my head_...just like this_- He presses his gun harder into her temple- _See?_ Put your gun to my temple- He ends in a patronizing tone.

- _Don't make me do it,_ Jonathan- she begs, crying harder- _I'm not killing you_.-

- Put it there, _go ahead!-_ He shouts to her in her ear, making her shrink back- I'm not afraid of it- he hisses bitterly- _I'm not afraid of dying_.-

"_Liar. Your nose will start growing Pinochio."_

- _Ok?-_ She whispers shyly, putting her gun in his head, her hands trembling with hesitation.

**Oh so **_**innocent**_**, isn't she?**

-_There_- He says with a satisfied smile- you're the Minotaur. _So am I_- He starts looking at her eyes, while she feigns shock- We're _royal blood,_ we _can't_ mix with the _common_ _people_. They are _afraid_ of us. They _hide_ when they see _us_ - He sighs in fake sadness- And we live _alone_ in a labyrinth, we can go out whenever we want but normal people _disgust_ us, make us _sick_, so we choose to stay _here_- He shrugs as if it were nothing- _They're pathetic_- He says matter of factly- _But so we are_, being so _alone_. We're as _pathetic_ as they are, _if not more_. If you _don't_ believe me, _look at our position_- he says icily, his eyes cold, unfeeling- They have people to be with. _We don't_, because we can't be among that _filth_- he says disgusted -And we want someone to save us from _boredom_, from _solicitude_ but we're doomed by being different; _by being superior_. And here we are about to _kill each other._ We'll save each other from our worst fear: _being alone_- He smirks at her smugly- _Come on_. Pull the trigger Hearts, you want to die; _it's simple_- He states nonplussed. She stays silent, faking more tears and looking at his eyes desperate- _Go ahead_!- He shouts at her bitterly.

-I won't kill you Jonathan- she answers laughing nervously

-Do you remember the tale _you made me read_, Miss Hearts?- Jonathan asks angrily- _House of Asterion?_

_-I...I..._ know it backwards- She stammers, still faking nervousness

**Yeah... so much that her mind is **_**shaped**_** after it!**

-_Perfect_- He states bitterly- So you'll remember there were _two Minotaurs and.._.-

-There was _one_!- She interrupts him, her voice high pitched

-Learn to _shut up _when I'm talking, _girl!_- Jonathan hisses back at her

**Crane has more balls than me! **_**CRANE!**_

**Ehh, let's face it. **_**He's faking it**_**.  
**  
-There were _two Minotaurs_ and they were just _fine_ together- He says in a rush, still angry, his cold facade starting to disappear. He looks desperate and starts hyperventilating- They played, they laughed together, they were _happy_!- He shouts at her

-But it was only _one_- she tries to explain him-The other was it's _imagination_!

-_Nothing is imaginative as long as the mind makes it real_- He spits bitterly -So there were _two Minotaurs._ And as _we_ are _two Minotaurs_.... I don't think actually we're _redeemers_- He says taking a deep breath, trying to maintain his cool demeanor, to no avail: he's terrified and nervous- We're the _Minotaurs_, but our _redeemer_ hasn't come yet. This whole situation is _stupid_. We're completely _stupid_ if we think that _dying_ will solve our _problems_- He sighs- _What happened_? Weren't we _happy_ together?- He asks her sincerely- _Because I certainly was and still am when I'm with you._ Don't we have fun together, don't we _laugh_ together?

-You are _my redeemer_, there's only _one_ Minotaur. _That's me_- She whispers shyly- _Do what you promised.  
_  
-If you _insist_... there were _two_ Minotaurs than in fact it was only _one_... so we'll _both_ die. Because we're a _unit_, not two people. _We're one_- he says pressing the gun harder to her temple-

"_That's it. Goodbye life... we'll end up dead. Great, just great... I couldn't just drop the gun and shout at her how stupid this situation is, right? No, I had to go philosophical and try to rationalize with a suicidal person... Ok... so this is it"_

-Do you want me to _count to three_, so we can kill each other at the _same time_?- he asks her, his eyes starting to water at the prospect of their deaths- That way _I_ won't have to see _your corpse_...

- _I...I..wont kill you Jonathan_- she stammers, dropping her gun -_I cant_.-

-Now, _without a gun in your hands_- he hisses bitterly, kicking the gun away from her- Don't _dare_ to scare me like that _ever again_, Hearts!- he slaps her hard across the face, angry tears running down his cheeks- How dare you to put me in _this situation!_-

**There. **_**She did it**_**. She drove the coldest man in earth into a nervous breakdown of **_**biblical proportions**_**.**

-Jonathan, _please don't beat me_!- she shouts scared, covering herself with her hands, starting to cry harder.

**Ahhh, C'mon! She can kill him with **_**his own tie**_**! **

"_**Don't beat me!"**_** HA! The only one who could really beat her is the **_**Joker or Batman.  
**_**  
Maybe **_**Tyson**_

**But that's a fight that's **_**unlikely**_** to happen.  
**  
-I'm _not_ going to beat you, but I'll shout and give you a piece of my mind- He keeps yelling at her angrily, still crying- How dare you do something _like this_ to me! How dare you to _make me think you were dead_!-

-What are you talking about?- she asks him confused-

- You made me think you _killed yourself _with your _twisted suicide note_! Never do something like _that_ to me again! - He answers furious, his breathing heavy and his body starting to tremble

**And when I say **_**"biblical proportions"**_** I'm not exaggerating. If you don't believe me, look at that. **

_**Doctor Jonathan Crane**_** is now **_**kneeling**_** in the floor, his hands in his face, **_**crying**_**, still angry and believe me... he's just a **_**mess**_**. **

**Let's see**** the list:**

_**Nervous, sad, angry and with a panic attack, in love with her, and hating her at the same time.**_

_**A fucking mess**_**, simpler... if I keep with the list... **_**  
**_  
-_Get out,_ leave me _alone_ and _don't dare_ kill yourself!!- He shouts pointing at the door, without looking at her -_Get out!-_

_**Damn**_**... and I think Femme is a **_**manipulative bitch**__._

"_Hmm, well now it will be much easier for him to tell me... yes. A little push in the right direction. Ok, Jay, are you listening? If you are... and damn sure you are... you'll get pissed at this. Reaaally pissed. Haha!"_

**Hearts stays there, looking down at him, **_**smiling from ear to ear**_** at the image of the **_**tortured man**_** crying in the floor.**

**He doesn't notice, his face in his hands.**

"_Show time!"_

- _Jonathan...-_ She whispers shyly, kneeling right in front of him -You won't beat me if I _hug_ you, will you?

-I would _never_ beat you, but don't do something like this _ever again...-_ He hugs her tightly, crying in her arms -You have _no idea_ how I felt! _I was afraid!_ Don't do anything like this ever again or I'll end up dead from a _cardiac arrest_ or _commiting suicide_!- He shouts at her, his voice breaking -_Please_ don't leave me _alone_ in a world full of _stupid, worthless people..._- He lowers his voice, still crying -Do you _see_ what are you're doing to me? _You're making me cry like a child_!- He says sobbing harder -I'll say it, what's the point? _I love you!-_ He shouts bitterly

**She smiles proudly at herself..****. he doesn't notice the **_**smug face**_** she's displaying, so **_**absorbed**_** crying in her arms.  
**  
_"And the Oscar goes to... Queen of Hearts! Standing ovation! Bravo! Yes, I know, I know... I'm a genius!"_

-At least I have _the guts_ to say it, and I know _exactly_ what we're you talking about, but you'll _never_ say it, wont you? _No, you'll never say it...-_

-I trust that I don't have to _tell you_ for you to _know_- She says sadly caressing his head lovingly - _Right?_

- _I... I... understand_- He says collecting himself and looking at her eyes- So I take our _relationship_ is to stay the _same_ as always, _then?-_ he lowers his face, smiling sadly -Just more _awkward?_  
_  
"Well... let's put the cherry on the top of this romantic crap... Well... poor guy; at least he deserves something. Good puppy, doing as mommy says! Jump, Sit, here you have your backbone! Haha!"  
_  
**She takes lifts his face with her hand, and caresses his face, her eyes closed. He smiles at himself and **_**brushes his lips with hers.**_** She opens her eyes looking at him with **_**fake adoration and love**_**... **_**he believes it.**_

**He believes **_**everything.**_**  
**  
**She starts planting small kisses in his cheeks saying a word for every small kiss. **

_- __I...Trust...You.. to.. know..._

-_I know...-_ He whispers in her ear kissing her ear.

_**And he does it**_**. Stupid. You fall in the same trap **_**over and over again**_**, don't cha, **_**Crane?**_

_**He kisses her.**_** And she only deepens the kiss, putting her hands in his messy black hair and rubbing herself all over him... **

**Which makes me remember about **_**another**_** Manipulative Bitch... **

**The only difference is that my wife **_**does love me**_**, and when she kisses me **_**like that...**__**she means it.**_

_**Doesn't she?**_

_**Damn,**_** I don't want to think about it...nah, she **_**doesn't**_** cheat on me, **_**no no no...  
**_**  
Sorry, **_**got off the road.**_

**They keep kissing, more passionately I might add... **_**yeah**_**. Sorry, I'm not good describing **_**romantic shit**_**. **

**That's something **_**my wife **_**does... and she's in **_**bed**_**... alone**_**... hehe...  
**_**  
And there it went away her **_**coat**_**... off with his **_**tie**_**... and now the bitch is **_**marking him as her own on his the neck**_**... something she **_**can't **_**do to the Joker. **

**Off with **_**his shirt**_**... and they go to **_**bed**_**... off with **_**her pants...**_

**I guess he likes it **_**on the top**_**... yeah... his **_**inside pervert**_** is getting crazy here... **

**Damn, now I want to go back with my wife... **

**Let's get the hell outta here before **_**I**__** go crazy.**_

_**Here:**_** The Joker listening to this **_**whoooole**_** shit. He's sitting next to his computer and with headphones in his ears, grabbing them tightly. His eyes displaying anger, hatred and jealousy. **

**Not much better **_**for me,**_** but he's more murdering **_**than usual**_**... chewing his scars from the inside, making them **_**bleed**_** and muttering nonsense...  
**  
_- _Damn, _damn_, I'll kill him, _he's __gonna fuck__ my wife!_ Why don't I turn this shit off...? Am I a _masochist_ or what? Damn, Damn _Damn!_ If she tells him "_I love you_" I'll _torture_ him mixing all the ways_ I know__, _I'll dress him up like a _cute little bitch_ and throw him to at least _seven rapists high in Viagra_... son of a bitch...!

**I prefer the **_**lovebirds**_** in the other room. **_**This guy**_** imagination when it comes to torture... **_**too much.**_** And Crane being raped... **_**I'm traumatized.**_

_**What's been seen cannot be unseen**_**. Damn. This will give me **_**nightmares**_**. **

**Back to the **_**"cute little couple"**_** in the single bed making out...**

**Hehe... she's just using her **_**underwear**_** already! And he's half the way to **_**naked**_** too...  
**  
-_Jonathan?-_ Hearts says suddenly confused, breaking a kiss, trying to steady her breath -_What's going on?-_

**And **_**system failure! **_**Haha! **

_**Poor guy!**_**  
**  
- I _swear_ it never happened _before_- He says ashamed, horrified- I can't _believe_ this is happening to me _now!  
_  
_**Can't really blame him**_**, he's under **_**extreme stress**_**, took **_**sleeping pills**_**, didn't have **_**real rest... **_

**Hey, **_**you**_**! Don't look at me like **_**that**_**, never happened to **_**me**_**! **

_**I just know stuff...**_**  
**  
**Awkward silence. **

_**Reaaaally awkward silence.**_

"_I...he's _impotent_! _Haha_! No, this is bad.. no, it wasn't supposed to go this way, damn, Jay must be listening and _laughing his ass off_! No, I still won, he said _"I love you"_ We didn't say anything _about sex,_ right? We did...damn. I guess you _can't_ always win..." _

-I guess I'm simply _too ugly_- Hearts says getting of the bed and putting her coat on again, bitterly -I'm sorry Jonathan- she says gathering her clothes and heading to the door- _I'll just...-_

**Johnny- Boy is completely **_**horrified**_** at himself... **_**Poor Guy! Haha!**_

**He gets out of the bed and embraces her softly, resting his head in her shoulder.  
**  
-_You're beautiful to me_- He whispers lovingly to her -I'm sorry. This is _my_ fault- He says bitterly, ashamed -_Would you stay?_ You had a nervous breakdown I just need to be sure you won't think this is _your_ fault, it's _mine_.

_**Doctor Crane...**_** it's **_**her**_** fault. Not **_**yours**_**... after the whole **_**emotional torture**_** she put you through... **_**Not**__**her fault?**_

_**Really?**_

**If you were **_**thinking straight**_** you would realize that... When they say **_**"love is blind"**_** they're **_**right**_**. **

**I might add "**_**stupid"**_**  
**  
_"Well, I have to maintain the facade of being in love and in the edge of suicide... great. _Just great_"  
_  
-Jonathan, do you have any _sleeping pills?-_ She sighs, sitting in his bed- I didn't take any, and I don't think I'll be able to sleep... _after this.-_

-Yes- he says starting to look for the pills in his desk -I'm sorry Hearts... I'll get you a glass of water.-

" _I can't believe it... my life is ruled by Murphy laws...I'm the only man who has the woman he loves in his bed.. and doesn't get an erection. Looking at the bright side, at least she isn't dead.. and we are in a romantic relationship...still this is bad. Too bad..." _

**And like a **_**good little puppy**_** he even gets her **_**a glass of water!**_

**Crane, **_**dude,**_** weren't you a **_**science man**_**? Someone **_**intelligent**_**? **_**A fucking psychiatrist**_**? She's manipulating you, **_**fool!**_**  
**  
**He sits next to her in the bed, and sighs.**

**She starts buttoning her shirt again, and he does the same...  
**  
- Thanks- she says getting the glass of water and taking her pills- _It's ok_- she tries to reassure him, squeezing his hand warmly -_Maybe we were going too fast_-

**They go to bed, and cuddle for a while... he's fully awake, still feeling embarrased...he's embracing her by her back,. He starts planting small kisses in her neck...**

- I'm sorry... I swear...- he starts ashamed.

- _Dont worry..-_ she says, roling her eyes, her voice faking sadness- I could have ended _pregnant_...- she muses- ...it's ok, _Jon._

**Your **_**real**_** fear, right, **_**you bitch?!**_

_**Aww cuddling**_**. I love cuddling with that bitch I have for wife. But never lasts that long... we get bored, **_**if you catch drift.**_

**And guess **_**who**_** was hearing at this **_**cheap soap opera?  
**_  
_"Hahahahaha! Hehehehe! Damn I can't breathe...Crane's impotent...hahaha! Queeniiiieeeeeee didn't get laid, Queenieeeee didn't get laid...hahaha! I couldn't have stood it in any other way... Hahaha The Birdie's little bird is _kinda dead.._.hahaha , Ok, time to step into the scene, _show time_!"  
_  
**The Joker decides it's time to pay them a **_**visit**_** after the **_**fiasco**_**. **

**Sorry, kid, I'm tired now, but you have to see this. I mean you **_**have**_** to see **_**this**_**.. too funny...**_**too funny**_**. When I want to see a **_**comedy**_** I watch **_**this thing**_** over and **_**over again**_**... **

**I'd stay, but my little daughter is trying to pull a **_**suicide act**_**.**

_**Again. **_

**Here, **_**she even left a note**_**. Which says the **_**same old thing**_**... I don't understand it really. **_**If you do let me know.**_

**It says: **

"_**Dad:**__** This is enough. I can't live with you perverts in the same house without wanting to die! I mean, why the hell do I have to see how mom beats you and you enjoy it, Freak. You're both freaks! And I don't have any option but killing myself... I mean **_**WTF**_** guys? Last time I had to see mom doing a pole dance! A POLE DANCE?! I don't **__**wanna**__** see my mom wearing a thong anymore while you dad, yes, you pervert, start putting bills in her thong! I need to die... Don't expect me to be alive this morning. **_

_**Thanks for ruining my life. **_

_**Hate you with all my heart **_

_**Story Teller**_

_**XXXX **__**"**_

**I don't understand why she wants to die **_**so badly**_**. Really. Femme is an **_**excellent dancer,**_** and I just want to see her perform without **_**too many**_** clothes on. And I enjoy showing **_**my affection**_** by putting some **_**dollar bills in her thong**_**... maybe in **_**her bra**_** if she lets me... **

**Perfectly **_**normal**_**, right? **_**Hmm?**_

**Ehh.. whatever, just let me buy my daughter a **_**chocolate**_** and it will be just **_**fine.**_**  
**_**  
**__**Not like she can cut veins she doesn't have! **_


	19. Dear Brother in Law

**Hello people! I'm back, I bought my kid a chocolate and she told me **_**to go to hell... **_**Nobody appreciates me and I'm feeling **_**kinda **__**emo**__**. **_

**I take the job of going to the **_**most expensive**_** candy store around, buy her a **_**huge chocolate **_**and she starts crying, and throws it to my head yelling **_**"You wont solve it with a chocolate freak...! Please...! Stop touching mom's breast...! Please...?"  
**_**  
What's **_**wrong**_** with her? As far as I know **_**every girl likes chocolate...**_

**I was feeling **_**depressed**_** after that... but Femme makes everything **_**much**_** better... **_**yeah**_**. **

**I started crying when my lil' daughter said that to me... and I ended up crying in my **_**wife's chest**_**... yeah... that made me feel **_**much better**_** (Femme has **_**great**_** boobs! I'll never stop saying it: My wife has **_**great boobs!)**_

_**Grinning like the Cheshire Cat!  
**_**  
Ehh... anyway. I'm still a **_**little down**_** now Femme is **_**not**_** with me, so I promised a **_**good comedy **_**and **_**heck**_** I need to see one. **

**This one is one of my **_**favorites**_**. You could **_**live**_** without knowing this thingy.... **_**but I cant live without telling it!**_

**On with the show, **_**let me get the popcorn and a coke...**_** yeah. **

**Well... **_**where to start? **_**Oh yeah. **_**The Joker**_**. Every good comedy starts with **_**him**_**. **

_**It's a fact. **_

**While Crane **_**(Poor guy!)**_** couldn't get it up, he decided to step into scene and make this **_**Tragedy**_** become a good **_**Comedy**_**.**

-Hiya Queenie. _Are you ok?!- _The Joker shouts in mock concern, while turning the lights on - _What the heck_ are you doing with Birdie in _his bed_?- He acts surprised, shocked, hanging his mouth mockingly

**Crane tries to adjust his vision, trying to get his glasses from the bedside table. Then it hits him: **

**The brother of his "**_**girlfriend**_**" has just entered his room... and both of them are **_**half naked.**_

"_Oh, no... hell no!"_

**Hearts growls annoyed, just looking at the Joker menacingly. **

_**Silence. **_

**The Joker crosses his arms and starts taping at the floor, with an exaggerated frown. **

**Jonathan sits in his bed, pulling Hearts away, his face **_**straight and business like**_**, trying to hide **_**his fear**_** at the **_**upcoming torture.**_

- What are _you_ doing here?- Hearts breaks the silence.

"_If he's here to mock at me... I can twist his words and him eat them"  
_  
- Checking you were not _that_ depressed- The Joker answers as if it was obvious- I figured out you would be here _drinking tea_ with the _sissy over there_- He explains, pointing at Crane who's sitting next to Hearts- _I mean..._you looked _sad and weepy_ all day long, and when you're depressed you come _to sleep with __me_. I was kinda _worried_, and wanted to talk to ya- He keeps saying, his voice full of fake concern and confusion - _Hey!_ You're looking _waaaaaay __more_ _depressed_ right now than this morning. _What happened_?- He asks, a malicious grin starting to appear in his face, trying not to start laughing- Wanna sleep with your _Bro_ instead of your _Doc_?- He tilts his head and smiles at Hearts feigning innocence- We've been sleeping _together_ for _years_, after all – He keeps explaining mock innocence- And you're always fellin' _a lot better the next morning._

**And there you have the **_**Joker Super Star**_** smiling from ear to ear at the... **_**cute couple**_** sitting in the bed.**

**Crane looks nervous, in the edge and I **_**don't**_** blame him.**

**What I mean is... **_**how the hell**_** you explain a situation like this without saying **_**"I was about to make love to your sister when I had a erectile disfunction"**_

**No, there's **_**no way**_** someone would say **_**that**_** and not **_**die**_** of embarrassment. **

- Jay... Ok. _Here I go_- Hearts smiles back at him, who makes a gesture with his hand for her to go on, grinning wider- _Ahh..._ how can I explain _this_ in a way your _small brain_ would _understand_ and doesn't _melt_ in the process...?- Hearts muses for herself bitting her lower lip mockingly-

**The Joker is not **_**amused**_** by her **_**implying**_** he's **_**not**_** intelligent. Let's say that if stares could **_**kill**_** both Hearts and Crane would be **_**bleeding to death.**_

**Yeah... **_**I think that summs it up.**_

- _Crane...-_ he says approaching them slowly- Care to explain _what the fuck_ are you doing in the same bed with my _little, innocent_ and _pure_ sister?- He asks him seriously- Obviously _not_ fucking her- He smirks at him- If not you would have a _hole between the eyes_ by now- The Joker tells him putting his finger in his forehead- _So..ehhh _is this some kind of _therapy_ or _something_?- He inquires looking at him, feigning eagerness for an explanation-  
_  
"Ok...well...this better work..."_

-Mister Joker, _please let me explain_- Jonathan answers business like- Your sister was having a _mixed episode with suicidal ideation_- He explains business like- what you call a _breakdown_, and...

- _Not good enough!-_ The Joker waves a finger in front of his face mockingly, a treacherous grin in his lips- when she's _depressed_ she comes with me. _ME_. _Her brother_- He says meaningfully, pointing at himself for emphasis- Not _you_, who are a _nobody_- He pats Crane's head in a patronizing way, mocking at him- With _all due respect_ to your degrees of course, _Doctor_.  
_  
"Where was that gun...?"_

-Well you should ask _her_ why she came to _me_ and not _you_- Jonathan smiles smugly at the Joker - Maybe she wasn't looking for _brotherly affection_- He keeps explaining. The Joker tilts his head and crocks his eyebrows, someway warning him about what he might say- _But a doctor who might be able to understand... _

-_Aham....._ but why is she in _your bed...?-_ The Joker interrupts him

**And this happens too fast before either **_**Jony-Boy **_**or**_** Miss I-Kill-With-Spoons **_**could stop it. **

**The **_**Joker SuperStar**_** pulls Hearts up by her arm roughly... revealing Hearts naked legs.. **_**and ass. **_

**The Joker just **_**grins wider**_** while Hearts and Jonathan look **_**horrified**_**.**

"_Not like it's the first time he sees me almost naked or naked at all... but I'm already smelling Jon's blood in the floor... why didn't I put my pants on? Oh yeah.. I was hoping Jonathan could get it up and some point and then break Jay's earphones."  
_  
_"Oh Lord... there's no way of explaining this... I'm going to die. Goodbye life..."  
_  
-_Oh!_ And her pants are _gone_!- The Joker says in mocking surprise and covering his mouth with his hand- Look at that _red thingy..._ What is it? _Lace_?- He muses to himself, looking at his so called sister's ass shameless- _Nice stuff..._

"_Is he seriously... checking her sister out? I knew he was sick.. but this..." _

"_Prepared for the battle, Queenie? C'mon, you rarely use those..."  
_  
**And silence again. The tension in here is so thick... that you can cut it with a knife they say... **

_**I would say several people in here is wanting to cut each other with one.  
**_  
- Do you want to borrow it to wear it under your _naughty nurse outfit_?- Hearts faces the Joker, a grin decorating her face- No, better keep it as a _present_-

"_Hmm yeah.. I would like to keep that thingy... you'll use it with me later... I could tear it out with my own teeth... hehe!" _

- Thinking about it I don't want to wear it after _you do_- She says smugly- _Drag_.

"_Bitch... I only did that because of that bet we made...! And you like it, Lesbian"  
_  
- I did that _once_ and you _wont_ let me live _though it!-_ The Joker complains annoyed- Whatever Queenie, _cover yourself!-_ He shouts suddenly "_outraged_"- Not like I _like_ looking at your _sorry skinny ass-_ He mutters-

_**Aham...**_** exactly the **_**reason**_** your lusting over **_**her ass**_** and licking your lips. **

**Ok, kid...**** before we move on, **_**I'll say something**_**: I wanna enjoy **_**this movie.**_** So I'll **_**describe**_** when something **_**really**_** important happens. **

_**What?**_** Don't look at me like **_**that!**_** I'm not **_**lazy**_**, I just wanna **_**have fun...**_

**Well, you have an **_**imagination**_**. **

_**Use it. **_

**And the conversation speaks for itself.  
**  
-Now, _ten seconds_ to explain _this_  
**  
That was the Joker.**

_-Jay..._

- Not you! Shh! _Birdie_?

_**Someone's in deep shit... **_

-Well, _we were_... our _former_ relationship as _Doctor/Patient_ has developed to be _another_ kind of relationship...

-Obviously not the _fuckedy-fuck_ one cause she's _kinda naked_ and you're not doing _nothing_. And I mean... _look at that thingy!_ Just being objective here, but really..._nice thong_ Queenie, _real nice_. What I mean is... what's going on here? In any _other scenery_ this would look like you _were fucking_... but the fact that your _little, tiny, minuscule_ birdie is all _depressed and down_ over _there_ proves me _wrong_. I'm _confused_ here Doc... _really confused_. This is some kind of _therapy_, right?

-I...I... _Hearts?_

**Don't blame you Crane, I wouldn't say I'm **_**impotent**_** (and I am **_**not**_**) to other man under the influence of **_**two kilos of cocaine**_**. **

_**However...**_** turning to Hearts to explain it is **_**pretty lame.**_

-_Ahhhh!_ I get it now! _You're gay right_? Ah that's it, _sorry kid_! You're her _gay friend!_ She could go around _naked_ and your _little, small, tiny birdie_ _wouldn't get up...!_ Sorry, you were having a _slumber party_ or something, and she might be showing _her stuff_ for you to say if it was _cute_ or not! _Feminine opinion_, I guess...Yeah_, I get it now._ Which also explains the _lipstick_ in your mouth... Queenie I know you didn't have _dolls_ when we were kids... _but you shouldnt turn your gay friend into your Barbie- Doll_!

**I wouldn't put it pass Hearts dress poor Crane into a **_**cute nice lady**_** for some reason... I have the feeling that she will make him **_**go drag**_** at some time and he'll end up doing it as a **_**good little puppy**_**. **

**The guy's really her **_**lapdog...  
**_**  
**_**Harley would laugh her ass off at that!**_

_**Oooops**_**? I talked too much, **_**didn't I?..**_

**Yeah, Femme will tell you about that next time... **_**from Crane's mind**_**.  
**  
-...You're too old for _that_... what do you say _Doctor_, isn't she a _little bit old_ to be playing with _dolls?_ Or this is something to make her _regain her childhood?_ _Hmm? _

- _Jay..._ close that _hell hole_ you have for _mouth_ and get out of here. _Really_.

- _Wait._ NO! I'm here in _my boxers_... in the same room with my sis's _gay friend_... and I mean _really gay_ cause you're using _that_...ok, Queenie, _really cover our ass._ Crane, you're not getting _hot_ for me being here in boxers right? _Right?!_ I know I'm really _handsome_... _but_...

_**Ugh...**_** The Joker can be really imaginative when it comes to **_**humilliate**_** someone.**

- I'm _not_ gay. And even if I _were_ you wouldn't be the _kind of man I would be with._

-So I take you've been _thinking_ about _me_... that's _creepy_, Doc. And if creeps me.. _that's a lot._

- And it scares me _how much_ you seem to _enjoy_ seeing your sister _almost naked..._ you're having _issues?_ Second thoughts about _your own sister?_ I could recommend you a good _psychiatrist_ called _Harleen Quinzel._ Maybe you could talk about it _with her_... that's called _incest..._ and for the looks of it, _it's a one sided relationship._ You need a lot of therapy indeed.

_**Incest**_**... well... **_**not exactly**_**. But if yeah... that would be the answer: **_**Incest, he wants to fuck his so called sister. **_

**But it's not, because they're just an ****old and bitter married couple **_**pretending**_** to be siblings. **

**Dare you to find **_**something**_** more twisted, fucked up and sick than **_**this!**_**  
**  
-I'm just being _objective_ perv! I'm not _in love_ with Queenie, _ugh!_

**You're **_**right**_**. You're **_**not**_** in love. Just ****lusting**** after her since the same instant you saw the **_**red thong**_**, and imagining a **_**threesome**_** with her and **_**Harley**_**.  
**  
-...I was just... _ya know..._ seeing the _quality of the fabric_ and all that _stuff_...

-Ok, _Jonathan handle me that cover._

-_Ok? _

_**Oh, Look at this!**_** When you think things cant get **_**weirder**_**... you always can count on some random move from the **_**so**__**called siblings!**_**  
**  
-So... Jay, you wanna see the _texture_ of the fabric?- Hearts asks him nonchalant

**Hearts covers herself and sits next to Jonny-Boy... and takes **_**out**_** her thong. **_**The Little Bitch **_**waves it in the air grinning at the Joker mockingly... and throws it directly in his **_**shocked and fucked up face.**_

_**Hearts Random Moves Inc. **_

**The Joker just smirks and holds it in his hand, staring at it with a **_**"critical eye" **_

**Thinking **_**Harley**_** may pull it **_**way better**_** Hearts **_**does**_**. **

_**Crane**_**... well...let's say that the **_**little show**_** affected him. **

_**System's up again**__**!**_** You might **_**use**_** it and **_**abuse**_** it until you get **_**tired**_**. Then shut down to use it again when you see fit. **

**If your so called **_**brother in law**_** wasn't in the same bedroom you are with your **_**cute girlfriend.  
**_  
-_Here you have it._ Get out of here and let me have some sleep, _would you?_

**And to make the things worse for **_**poor Crane..**_** she embraces him and puts her head in his shoulder, giving him a small kiss in the neck, while looking at the Joker. **

**No way to hide man... really **_**no way to hide it!**_** Don't even **_**try**_** to **_**cover it**_** with your **_**hands**_** dude, you're just **_**attracting attention**_** to it. **

**The Joker is **_**not**_** happy at this. **

**I **_**wouldn't**_** if I see my wife getting **_**fluffy**_** with another man.  
**  
- Birdie... weren't you a _queer_?

-_ I told I wasn't. _Echoing Hearts... please leave my bedroom. _Now_.

**Because he really needs to use **_**that**_** before it goes **_**down**_** again.**

- _Hell no!_ Sooo... you're bisexual_? Like to give and receive...? _

**The Joker wouldn't stop calling him "**_**fag**_**" just like that...**

-...And you put these on _now_- The Joker growls disgusted, throwing the thong back to Hearts' face.

**Who has the good idea of giving placing it in **_**Crane's hands.**_

**This is not helping **_**Jonny's situation...**_** there's no way of covering that, dude...**_** no way!**_

- _No._ Why to _put it on_ when I'll have to _take it off again?_ Get out. We have _things_ to do here. And I give you my word – She grins maliciously at the Joker, while touching briefly Jonathan's leg - _He's straight._

_**Revenge,**_** sweet revenge, right, **_**Queenie?**_

- You're telling me you're a _lesbian_ Queenie? No_! I knew it_! I knew you were _lesbian!_

_**Joker Random Lines Inc. **_

**You might be asking **_**what**_** does that have to do with **_**anything**_**, right?**

_**Just wait and see.**_

- I don't know if you _noticed_ but Jonathan is a _man_... or you _can't_ tell those things _apart?_

- _Yeah..._ but let's face it. You dress like a _man_, have _short hair_.. yeah... you're a _lesbian!_

**That's just **_**part **_**of the reason of calling Hearts lesbian.  
**  
- He's delusional_, isn't he?-_ Crane whispers ho Hearts-

"_Ok, I'm tired of this man..__. really tired of talking nonsense. He's crazy. I'll make him shut up"_

-Mr. Joker, you're having _hallucinations?-_ Jonathan asks him smugly- _Little green midgets talking to you right now?_ It's pretty _simple_. Hearts is a _woman_... I am a _man_. That makes us _both straight..._

**Quite right.  
**  
-Is he _retarded?-_ Jonathan whispers in hearts ears, barely audible-

**But it's The Joker. **_**He heard him**__._

- I heard you, _sissy!_ And I mean.. you look more like a _chick_ than an _actual man!_ She was dressing you up as a _woman_, right? _I bet_ she has a _dress_ over here for you to wear! Of course _Queenie_ wouldn't _recognize_ it here, but if she's _attracted_ to you is cause you _look like a pretty chick_ if she dresses you up _like one!_

**And there you have the **_**complete reason.**_

-..._Damn_, now I cant trust _you_, yes, _you_, around Harley! You'll try to steal my wife.. you will... _try to steal my wife!_

_**When Devil buys himself a winter jacket.**_**  
**  
- I'm not interested in _Harley_... and it's pretty clear _I_ cant trust you _around him_... I'll turn my back and you'll try to _rape_ him, _right? _

_**Hell no!**_** Crane's eyes wide, fearful at the prospect of being **_**violated.**_

"_**Hi Jonny...ok... show me in this doll.. where did he touch you?..."**_**  
**  
- _I don't swirl that way_, Your Highness. Now... we have a _problem_ here. You, _Scary Pooh_... are trying to take _advantage_ of my _lil' sis._ You're with her for the _money_ right? I mean, _who_ could ever _love_ this _bitch?_

_- I do._ And the feeling is _reciprocate. _

- He's right. _I love Jonathan here_. You hear me? I love him... _as much you love Harley_.

**Meaning zero**_**. Nada.**_

"_Ok... he's a dead man. I'll get those seven huge rapists and put them high in Viagra"_

-...If not _more_ because I'm not planning to _abuse_ him!

**Just to **_**manipulate**_** him and **_**use**_** him. **_**Just that**_**. Not like I'm gonna **_**get a whip**_** and **_**spank him.**_

**Well, **_**maybe yes.**_

**You can never tell with **_**these people.**_**  
**  
- _Ok, Missy..._ so, now. I have _question_. Not to you... to you, _Straw-For-Brains_. Ok, I see the picture, you're two... ehhh... _lovebirdies_. Ok. That would make you Queenie's _girlfriend_, I mean _boyfriend_. _Ahhh_, just out of _curiosity_, ya know, between you and me, _from man to man_. Why were you _just_ sleeping? _Any problems?_  
_**  
Awkward!**_

- I...I'm sorry but...I think that's our _problem_.

_**Wrong choice of words, Jonny- boy**__**!**_

-_Ohhhh problems in bed,_ I see, I see... let me get a _notepad_, and we could start a _session_ of _couple therapy... _

**The Joker acting as if he were a **_**shrink**_**. Just... **_**no**__. _

- Ok, I need to cut this _nonsense_, and I will- Hearts says seriously- And I think I'll be pretty _clear_ with this... Jonathan. _Cover your ears_, you _don't_ want to hear _this... _

-_What...?_

- _No, No._ Thinking about it, I _want_ you to hear this. _Pay attention._ Jay.... I need _something_ from you... you remember the _blue pills_ you're always _popping_ at night when you're _with Harley?_

_**Uh-Oh.**_

-...Could you borrow me _one_, just _one_ for him. _Keep the rest_, I can assure you he will only need it just _once_... or seeing how things _are_ working...

**She kisses Jonny's neck again..****. **_**eyeing his groin**_**.**

-..._Nah, just keep them all to you_. Because you _really_ need them. It seems he _doesn't_.

**The Joker didn't find it **_**funny**_**, not at all. He's looking like he would pull a gun and **_**shoot her...**_**  
**  
_**Let's face it.**_** He **_**can't**_** live **_**without her**_**... so much that he **_**managed**_** to bring her back from the **_**death.**_

- Hey, why the _straight face_, clown? _Why so serious?_

- Young lady, get out of that bed _now_!

- _Make me._

**He grabs her painfully by her arm, and slaps her. **_**Really hard.**_**  
**  
_- Ok._ I'll be _pretty clear_ here. You're _not_ sleeping with him tonight, _young lady_. Not until you get _married_. Ya know that having _sex_ without being _married_ is a _sin_, right? And in _this family_ we don't tolerate _those kind of sins...-_

**Just the ones involving **_**murder, kidnap, robbery, blacklmail, bribs and that stuff, ya know?  
**_  
-... I mean what would the _neighbors_ think if I let my _little sis_ sleeping with _some dude_ just like _that?!_ So kiddo, if you wanna do Queenie here, _you'll get married. _

-_I wont get..._

-_Shut it._

-I'm sorry but it's _too fast_ to...

-Then is _too fast_ for _you_ to be in the _same bed_ with _her_ and _looking at her ass_. You come here with me, put these on now!- The Joker throws her thong back to her and she puts it on- _You,_ _stop_ looking at her ass _pervert!_

- He can look _all the time_ he wants. Bye Jon... _Love you. Sorry_.

**The Joker grabs Hearts by her arm and draggs her out of Crane's room.**

_**And they're out! **_

**Poor Crane just lyes in his bed, trying to make some **_**sense**_** out of the **_**nonsense**_**.**

**The Joker and Hearts start talking in her bedroom.**

-Ok, you _lost_ Jay, _how does it feel?_

-And you lost _another_, he wasn't any better_ than me! _So we're _even_.. like I said once, your _Kent_, sorry, _Pinocchio_, doesn't have a _cock_. And you wont be anywhere _near him_ until you get _married!_ And he _wont_ do it, _so I WON everything here!_ And even if he _marries_ you, you'll end up _marked with a J._ Yeah, well, I'm a _genius_, _I know... _

-Think _twice_, you don't wanna bet that _against me._ You _really_ don't want to...

-_Hmm so here_, _another bet_. _Big one._ If you manage for him to get _married_ to you, and that _he_ asks _you_, not the other way around, you win _leadership_ for the next _big move_, and I say I work under _your_ orders. You get to be _the brains of the organization_. If not, _you lose_, meaning I'm _better_ than you _manipulating_ people and next time_, in public_, live _from coast to coast_ you say that you're _nothing_ but a _simple hacker_ working for _me_. What do you say?

-You're sure about _that?_ I offered him _20 million dollars _to kill me and he _didn't._

- _He wont._ Marrying _you_ means tying himself to the _family_, therefore _to me,_ and I'll be the _worst brother in law of the history of humankind!_ It's a _promise!_

-Well then. _The bet is already set._ You'll regret this in _soooo_ many ways.

- C'mon, we're talking about the guy that can _barely_ get it up.

-_Well_, not like you _never_ had that problem _before_... what does _Harley say about Viagra?_

- _I don't use Viagra._

- You _can't_ lie to me... really? _Lie to me?_ I know you _better_ than your _mommy_, dear. And I manage _the financial part_ of the organization. _Translated_... _I know what's in the shopping list...!_

_**Ok, we're out!**_

**Well.. you know Hearts' wins that bet… she thinks **_**she**_** was the one **_**manipulating**_** Crane… **_**not exactly.**_

**The funny thing about this... **_**is that all of them are puppets and puppeteers...**_** the question is: **

_**Who's pulling whose strings? **_


	20. Blue Eyed Monsters

**Hello, **_**Female Narrator**_** reporting to duty.**

**My husband talked **_**a lot**_** about our private lives... I think you deserve an **_**explanation**_**, because you might be a little **_**confused**_** by the dynamics of our relationship.**

**Well, you see... do you know something about **_**Greek Mythology**_**? Well... that would be **_**us**_**. But it's much simpler than the **_**Greeks**_** though **_**back then**_**, and we're just... **_**simple people**_**. **

**Who **_**don't**_** die and have **_**certain**_** control over **_**certain**_** things.**

_**Me and my husband**_** control **_**Arts**_**. We are the so called **_**Muses**_**, we told you **_**that**_** before. I don't know why the pictured us as **_**nine women**_** instead of a **_**couple**_**... but I do know why we're pictured as **_**women**_**.**

_**Confession time:**_** We made bet over **_**something**_**, I don't remember **_**what**_** exactly... the thing is **_**he lost**_**. I made him run around **_**dressed up like**__** a woman**_** while telling stories for **_**two or three centuries**_**. **

_**Ooops?**_

**About our **_**daughter**_**... well, she works close to the guy next door **_**Destiny**_**... He's the **_**Moiras**_**. Again, I don't have any idea why they represented **_**him**_** as **_**three women**_**. The thing is **_**Destiny**_** writes what's going to happen to **_**someone**_**... just the **_**guidelines**_**. Then his wife **_**Chaos**_** (She has a **_**bad reputation**_**, I wont deny she's a **_**bitch**_**) makes it **_**happen**_**.**

**The **_**role**_** of **_**Story Teller**_** is to tell the **_**humans**_** what's **_**most likely**_** going to happen. The so called **_**prophetic dreams, fortune tellers**_**... they're **_**not**_** lying. Well most of them **_**don't**_**. But it's **_**pretty difficult**_** when it comes to the **_**future**_**.**

**She has a **_**different perception**_** of time, neither **_**me**_** or my **_**husband**_** get it. Suddenly she says :**

"_**Yeah... the Joker will annoy Batman at the point of the guy breaking his only rule... but that's in one universe, in other The Joker gets alive of the situation, and in other the Joker gets bored of Batman and kills him"**_

**So we ask her: **_**"What's **_**exactly**_** going to happen?"**_

**Answer: **_**"The three of them, mom... and some others too... running smoothly in the different universes, same timeline" **_

**Oh, and she's not **_**Emo**_**, she only likes Drama **_**(like Mommy, isn't it cute?)**_** and even if she **_**could**_**, she **_**wouldn't**_** kill herself. It's just to **_**annoy**_** us and make Male feel **_**bad**_** about it.**

**That's **_**pretty difficult**_**... I mean the **_**parallel universes**_**. Sometimes I understand why she gets **_**depressed**_**... there's people she likes (**_**weird as it is,**_** she likes **_**Harley**_**, I don't get it) and she has to see her die, suffer in different universes.**

**But she likes it when **_**Hearts**_** is the one **_**dying**_**, and **_**much better**_** when it's **_**Harley**_** the one **_**killing her**_**... I don't know **_**why**_** she hates **_**Hearts**_** so much...**

**Well, I do know **_**why**_**... but it doesn't make sense, **_**anyway**_**.**

**She's the **_**one**_** who told Male that Hearts is going to have a **_**boy**_** and not a **_**girl**_**... in that **_**particular**_** universe. **

**I think she said something of her **_**dying in childbirth**_**, other where she has a **_**girl**_** who grows up and kills **_**both her parents**_**... which itself is **_**other difficult issue**_**: Who's going to raise the child, the **_**Joker**_** or **_**Crane, **_**maybe **_**another person**_**...? And then **_**those other**_** where the kid is **_**not**_** son of the Joker, but **_**Crane's...**_** and then the issue of the Joker killing **_**that**_** baby. Or **_**not**_**...**

**Well, you see **_**why**_** is difficult living with **_**her**_**.**

**Without mixings the **_**Top Guards**_** in the mix... **_**that itself... **_**it's another huge issue... for now they've been **_**lurking in the dark**_** and not doing **_**really**_** nothing important... but those are Story Teller's **_**favorites.**_

**She**** only says that they're going to be **_**a pain in the ass**_** for The Family at **_**some point.**_

**And then you have her **_**boyfriend**_**, the neighbor's kid. **_**Equilibrium**_**... nice kid, tries to maintain things **_**someway**_** in order, not to **_**blow out of proportion**_**... that's where human beings have **_**normal lives**_**: get born, grow up, meet someone, get married, have a child then **_**die**_**. Simple lives. He only has **_**jurisdiction**_** when it comes to **_**personal**_** lives, not when it comes to organizations, countries... **_**criminal families**_**... that's **_**his mother**_**, poor kid. **_**Messing up with his job**_**.**

**But someway everybody takes the **_**same path.**_** Born, grow up, meet someone **_**(or several **_**someones**_**)**_** interesting, **_**die**_**.**

**The things **_**in the middle**_** are what human beings do, the **_**guidelines**_** his father writes, and his mother **_**going creative**_**.**

_**Well...**_** at least when they are **_**together**_** they are not **_**complaining**_** about **_**us**_**, their parents who **_**work**__**hard**_** to raise **_**them**_**.**

**A **_**shame**_** Male doesn't find that **_**funny**_** our daughter having a **_**boyfriend**_**... He's always trying to **_**punch him**_** when he knocks at the door, asking **_**shyly**_**.. **_**"**__**uhmm**__** can I take your daughter to have dinner or something"**_** Then **_**punch**_**, down to the **_**floor**_** and Story Teller shouting at her father he's an **_**asshole**_**.**

_**Poor Equilibrium**_**. He's **_**really cute**_**. I like them as a **_**couple**_**, he's a **_**good influence**_** on Story Teller. But sometimes I start **_**worrying**_** when our daughter starts... well.. **_**giving him lap dances**_**? Where did she learn **_**that**_**? Anyway, she's just showing her **_**affection**_**!**

**But I guess they do it just for fun, **_**right**_**? And besides, Equilibrium just looks down **_**blushed**_**... saying that she better stop or his mom **_**will cut her to ribbons.  
**_**  
Anyway, **_**I got off track.**_

**Ok... we're in **_**Arkham**_** this time. This is J**_**onathan Crane's cell. **_**He's sleeping right now... **_**perfect time to get into his mind.**_

**Again, we're a mysterious mist.. **_**and here we go.**_

_**Inside Crane's mind.**_

**Interesting the **_**scenery**_** doesn't change **_**too much**_** here. **

_**His mind, it's shaped after Arkham.**_

**This place is really **_**annoying**_**, I don't like to be **_**here**_**. Scared shouts and yelling, cries for mercy, shouting **_**"scarecrow, scarecrow, scarecrow...".**_** It's **_**never ending**_**. The **_**curious fact**_** it's that this place it's **_**empty**_**, and there's actually **_**nobody**_** shouting, like a **_**tape**_** playing **_**over and over**_** again the same thing.**

**Do you recognize the **_**voices**_**? **

**Two people he **_**hates**_**: **_**The Joker and Batman.**_

**One he **_**fears**_**: **_**Harleen Quinzel.**_

_**Well...**_** let's start walking through here... we're not in a **_**hurry**_**, as you might know, the time we spend in human minds it **_**runs slow**_** outside them.**

**We're heading to watch over **_**two places**_**. But first let me explain how Crane's mind is **_**organized**_**.**

**You know human minds are **_**divided**_** between **_**conscious**_** and **_**subconscious**_**, ****right****? Well, there's not **_**much point**_** going to his subconscious, there's nothing really interesting **_**in there.**_

**But you wanna go, **_**right?  
**_**  
I'll make a **_**little tour**_**, but we **_**won't**_** go **_**inside**_** them, I'll just point at each door and tell you **_**what's behind it.**_

**His subconscious it's an infinite corridor, **_**full of cells.**_

**For example, **_**this one:**_** Behind it you will find a **_**small kid**_** crying in a corner, afraid of his **_**great-grandmother**_**, asking for someone to **_**help him,**_** his eyes empty and crying **_**blood**_**.**

_**That's his childhood.**_

**In this other you will find a **_**younger**_** Jonathan Crane **_**bullying**_** and **_**kicking**_** bigger and more threatening boys. That would be **_**his teens years**_** as he wanted them to go.**

**There's also a special room for his first love. **_**Sherry**_**. This one's a little bit **_**sick**_**... going in there still **_**creeps me.**_

**Well... He **_**hates**_** Sherry **_**as much**_** as he was **_**infatuated**_** with her. In that place you'll find **_**Hearts**_** torturing her **_**endless**_** for Crane's **_**amusement**_**. You'll see Hearts pulling h**_**er eyes out with her spoon,**_** and then growing back again while Crane's sitting in a **_**black throne.**_** Once in a while, Hearts would come around and **_**kiss him**_**, begging him for **_**sex**_** while Sherry is looking at him **_**crying thorns**_**, damaging her eyes from the **_**inside out**_**. Sometimes, **_**he has sex with Hearts in there.**_

**The curious thing is... **_**Hearts isn't truly her**_**. It's as if Hearts were a **_**Playmate**_** or a **_**supermodel**_**. She still has some of her **_**particular features**_**, like being really small, short red hair, the marks in her cheeks, holding a spoon, her voice...**

**But she's **_**not even**_** dressing her usual clothes. She's using well... a **_**different**_** version of her clothes, **_**sexier, tighter.**_

**She's not **_**skinny and flat chested**_** as she's in the **_**real world...**_** her body is perfect, so it's her hair. **_**Shiny and soft...**_

**In the **_**real world**_** you could put her **_**upside down**_** and use her hair as a **_**broom**_**. Her lips full and **_**perfect**_**, not the **_**dry**_** and **_**thin**_** ones from the **_**reality**_**.**

**This is his **_**Ideal Hearts**_**... he would never **_**admit**_** it because he doesn't know in his **_**conscious**_** state.**

_**He thinks she's ugly.**_

**Then you have the ones in which he's **_**represented**_** as an **_**actual**_** Scarecrow, and people he hates (**_**the Joker, for example, behind this door**_**) being terrorized to **_**death**_** and the **_**brought back **_**again, for him to scare them to death **_**over and over again.  
**_**  
Others with his **_**Ideal Hearts**_** being **_**his**_** lapdog. Some of them are **_**just sex,**_** some others just with **_**her**_** praising his **_**intelligence**_**, his **_**cleverness**_**, her **_**adoration**_** and repeating **_**over and over**_** again that **_**she loves him**_**. In most of them he's in a throne and she's **_**at his feet**_**, her eyes full of**_** love and adoration.**_

**Then**_**... Harleen Quinzel**_**. Note that not **_**Harley Quinn**_**, but **_**Harleen Quinzel.**_** Laughing at him and **_**scaring**_** him while she repeats over and over again **_**"I'll be in hell but I'll drag you with me, you son of a bitch!"  
**_**  
**_**That**_** deserves an explanation, **_**doesn't it?**_

**Well, this is his subconscious, **_**basically**_**. At least the **_**most interesting**_** ones.**

**Let's go to the **_**conscious**_**, you'll find something **_**more interesting**_** there.**

_**This is really a **_**Arkham**_** replica**_**. It's just like Arkham. You'll notice all the doors are white, **_**unmarked**_**. Nothing really explains **_**what's in them**_**.**

**Of course there are **_**exceptions**_**.**

_**That red door**_**. Doesn't take a **_**genius**_** to know what's behind it.**

_**Hearts' memories.**_

**You want to go inside**_**? I warn you**_**... you won't find really **_**nothing**_** that interesting **_**here**_**. But.. well, it would **_**help you**_** to know **_**how**_** to get into his memories, and **_**his perception of reality**_** when it comes down to **_**her**_**.**

**Ok, let me open... **_**and here we are.  
**_**  
**_**A laboratory**_**. Does it **_**really**_** surprise you? It's full of **_**canisters**_** everywhere, I know, all of them in **_**some shade of red.  
**_**  
**_**Let me explain.**_** It's not **_**that**_** difficult. All of them are labeled and organized **_**neatly**_**. Well... I'll show you one.**

**All we have to do is **_**smash**_** them in the floor and **_**inhale**_** the substance.**

**Let me see... this one. **_**"Visit"**_

**Ok... crash! **_**Ooops?**_

**Inhale, **_**don't be afraid**_**... it's just one minute long and then it will **_**repair itself**_** and **_**neatly**_** place itself where it was. **

_**This is his cell in **_**Arkham**_**, after the Joker almost killed him and dumped him here. When he was left at Arkham's door, blooding to death and with a note attached in his forehead "Special delivery to Dr. Leland. Take care of him! **_**J**_** & **_**H**_**"**_

-Hello Jonathan- Hearts says, her voice broken, her eyes full of tears. Crane is in his bed, pale and barely awake. She runs to his bed and hugs him tightly, sobbing harder.  
- _My Queen_, you didn't forget me- He answers, hugging her back weakly, his voice full of adoration.

- I could _never_ forget you Jonathan, I'm sorry about this_.. I'm truly sorry_... I shouldn't have let Jay do _this_ to you...I feel so _guilty_... _forgive me_- Hearts sobs and cries painfully- I'll _understand_ if you don't _want to see me anymore, I.._

- Hearts, _I love you_. When we got married I accepted _your family_ as I accepted _you_... I'm willing to take some _punches _and _kicks_ for you. _I love you. _

-I don't want _this_! I don't want to see _you_ like this, and it's _all my fault_...- she says with her voice full of sorrow, guilty- I'm sorry Jonathan.. I'll understand if you _don't_ want me around anymore...- She starts to hyperventilate, desperation growing in her voice- I just wanted to say _goodbye_, and I'll leave you in peace...!

- Hearts, _breath_, listen to me- he says seriously, taking her by her shoulders and looking at her eyes- I _don't_ want you to leave just because of _this_...I love you.

- I'm sorry Jonathan_, I love you too_... you know I don't care about torturing people or seeing injured people... but if _you're_ the victim... _it kills me inside._

- Come here...- He says making her space in the single bed. She lies in it and hugs him softly- Don't feel guilty, it was _your brother_, not _you_.

- Can I at least kiss you?

_He nods and she kisses him softy_

-I love you, My Queen.. _I mean it._

**They made love there (according to **_**him**_**, for Hearts it was just sex as a tool to **_**manipulate**_** him)**

**I want you to notice **_**something**_**... well, we know she's **_**lying**_** to him, it's **_**obvious**_**. But if you look **_**carefully**_**... Hearts looks **_**beautiful**_**, gorgeous, her skin shining, her smile perfect and her eyes **_**shine**_** from **_**love**_**. Not like the **_**real thing**_**. She acts truly in love, if you saw **_**this**_** without knowing the truth... you could be confused and think she's **_**really**_** in love with him.**

_**This is his perception of reality when it comes to her.**_

**I should tell you how was their so called **_**matrimony**_**, right? Well, once they got married they started a **_**routine**_** as any other **_**normal couple**_**, and just to **_**annoy**_** the Joker, Hearts started to sit in **_**"husband's"**_** lap every morning while having breakfast, they spent almost the **_**complete**_** day **_**together**_**... either reading, working or just being a normal couple. **

**The guards learnt to shut up when they felt like going out to walk trough the ****parking lot, and during summer they would spent **_**hours**_** sitting in the there, while talking or just to stay there. **

**Of course, the first **_**stupid**_** to come and interrupt the two "**_**lovebirds**_**" simply got **_**shot**_** either by Hearts or Jonathan, who annoyed, simply called some other guard to dispose of the body... and then got back to the warehouse to watch a movie, usually **_**cuddling**_** in the sofa. **

**Most of it was **_**staged**_** by Hearts to get The Joker **_**crazier**_** than he already was... that lasted until **_**the day the Joker got fed up**_** and attempted to **_**kill him.**_

**Well, you won't find nothing really interesting here...**

**There are only **_**two**_** colored doors in his mind.**

**One's Hearts, of course.**

**The other is the **_**Black one**_** over there. You must be thinking: **_**Batman**_

_**No,**_** and I don't blame you for that assumption. It's **_**natural**_**, you associate **_**black**_** with **_**Batman**_**.**

**No, look **_**carefully**_**. You see it has **_**seven locks**_**, all of them of different shades of **_**blue**_**. This is **_**something**_** he doesn't want to **_**think about or remember**_**... but every **_**lock**_** can be **_**unlocked.**_

_**He cant forget.**_

**He **_**never**_** will.**

**This is the what I **_**really**_** wanted to show you. You already know how **_**Hearts**_** works, her manipulation, her acting skills... **_**nothing really new**_**.**

**This door belongs to Harleen**** Quinzel's**_** memories. **_

**You must be asking **_**why**_** does she have **_**so much importance**_** to him... let's go inside and I'll show you **_**the reason**_**.**

**I'll show you how **_**puppets**_** can become **_**puppeteers**_**.**

**We have to go **_**through**_** the door. If we broke **_**this**_**, he would start behaving **_**erratically**_**, thinking about **_**it**__**all day long**_** and he would end up committing **_**suicide**_**.**

**Because if he **_**really**_** thinks about **_**this**_**... well, he would **_**still**_** believe Hearts, but he would realize **_**he**_** is **_**her lapdog**_**, and **_**not**_** the other way around, **_**as he likes to think.  
**_**  
And here we are. It's also a laboratory... but it's not like Hearts's lab. It's dark, dusty and the smell in it is humid, **_**putrid**_**.**

**The only illumination is the blue canisters, shining **_**beautifully**_**... the same shade of blue of Harleen's**_** eyes. **_

**I need to show you **_**several**_** things here. Same procedure. Break the canisters, inhale.**

**Let's start for this one. **_**"**__**Harleen**__**"**___

**Harleen**_** is reading her notes while walking down the corridors of **_**Arkham**_**, heading to her office, completely unaware of Dr. Crane, who's walking behind her, thinking she looks like a Barbie doll, simply **_**perfect**_**. Perfect body, perfect hair, and dazzling blue eyes.**_

_**She's close to him, just some meters away. He made up his mind: He's going to talk to her, and hopefully get a date. Hopefully get laid.**_

_**He's not interested at her in a romantic level, he views her as a pretty woman who might fill the lonely gaps in his life. Maybe watch a movie at night in his apartment, have dinner and then sex.**_

_**Just a possible affair, nothing really important.**_

_**He quickens his steps to catch up with her. **_

- _Dr. Quinzel_- He calls her and she turns her head to him

-_Dr. Crane,_ how can I help you?- She asks him warmly, a smile decorating her pink and soft lips.

-I Understand your specialty is _Criminology_- He asks business like- _am I right?_

-Yes, it is.

-My specialty is _phobias and panic disorders_, I was wondering if you would mind...- He clears his throat, suddenly hesitating -_drinking a coffee_ _with me_ to talk about the _possible_ relation of phobias and criminal behavior-

-Dr. Crane- She smiles at him warmly- are you asking me for _a date?_

-In fact _yes_, I'm sorry- He lowers his head, suddenly shy- it was a _lame excuse_ to ask you for a date, _wasn't it?_

-It's ok... but it's _against_ Arkham's policy.

-Well...we can always say it's a _professional meeting_- She looks at him surprised, and he blushes furiously. Crane turns back, ashamed- _Sorry to bother you, Dr. Quinzel._

-No, it's ok, Dr. Crane. _I accept your invitation._

-_Perfect_. What do you say at in the Cafe near _Wayne's tower?_

-I'll be there. Meet you there later_, I have work to do right now._

**Not only the Joker and Hearts are keeping **_**secrets...**_

**This other:**

"_**First date" **_

**Nothing really **_**interesting**_** in there... but this will let you know how **_**immense**_** is their **_**self-delusion**_** when it comes to their so called **_**"spouses"**_

**The setting is a **_**nice cafe**_**. Both of them are talking about psychiatric theories... **_**nothing really important or relevant...**_

**Then this. Next to them there's an **_**annoying couple...**_

- _Nathaniel Napier!_ I mean, seriously, you can't have _Nathaniel_ as a _middle name_, sweetie...

- Right, _Miss Plain Jeannie_! _Jane Doe_, I'll call you _that_ from now on.

-I'll start calling you _Natalia_... _NataliaNatalia_! You know what that means in Spanish, _for police procedures?_

- _No...?_ I guess I'm not _oh so intellectual_ as you are, _Jane Doe._

- _Stop it, Naty!_ It's means _Unknown_... when they got to catch someone it's a _Natalia/Natalia_. No Nombre. _NN... name unknown..._

- I get it, I get it! _I'm not stupid!_

- Ok, _Natalia/Natalia,_ you're going to _disappear_ one of these days... I'll tie you to bed for the _next five or six weeks_... they'll have to call _Missing Children!_

- I'm not a _child...!_

- You behave like one, _Naty._

- _Whatever_... I like your plan, _Jane Doe,_ I like it! Just don't spank me, _I don't like it._

- _Let it be known:_ You're my bitch, _Natalia!_

**Well... there you have it. Allie and Jack being **_**annoying and noisy,**_** talking about **_**sex**_** and calling themselves by their **_**middle names.**_

**Crane turns his head to them, annoyed.**

- Would you _please_ lower your voices? I'm trying to talk with _my colleague_ about _something important._

- _Excuse me?_ I'll keep shouting as loud as I want, _nerd._

- Dr. Crane, don't worry... _let's take another table._

- _Hey you!_ No way you're _getting laid_ with that _Barbie Doll_ over there! _Hahaha_! Hey, Allie, just a _Joke_ don't punch me! _Just joking, ya know?_

- Get _prepared_ for me to _hit you_ with an _ashtray_ at home, _Naty_. You'll get _stitches..._

- _C'mon,_ I would never _cheat on you_, baby...!

**Well... that's**** how **_**deep**_** their **_**self-delusion**_** is. There you have the "**_**siblings**_**", behaving like a **_**couple**_**... and they **_**ignored it.**_

**I'm not going to blame them, they **_**didn't**_** pay too much attention to them, in fact... **_**it's only their voices.**_** Allie and Jack's faces are **_**blurry**_**... but their **_**voices**_**... those didn't change **_**that**_** much.**

**And neither **_**Jack nor Allie**_** pay much attention to them **_**either**_**... they were too **_**absorbed**_** into each other to pay attention to **_**anything else**_**. **

**Too **_**in love**_** and in **_**their own world.**_

_**Anyway**_**... I'll tell you what happened. Harleen accepted that date, and then other, and **_**another one**_**. They ended up having an **_**affair**_**... and she ended up **_**in love with him**_**, not realizing he was just **_**using her**_**. Probably her **_**romantic view**_** of life, while Crane was simply **_**bored**_** of being **_**alone**_** in his apartment **_**every night**_**. At first, he thought that being a **_**psychiatrist**_** herself, she might be **_**interesting**_**, and he could even **_**fall in love**_** with her at **_**some point.**_** But he found her **_**boring**_**, not as **_**intelligent**_** as him, her **_**cheerful and sappy **_**behavior simply **_**annoying**_** and **_**disgusting**_**.**

**She **_**couldn't**_** do what **_**Hearts did:**_** Maintain him interested in an **_**intellectual level**_**.**

**But being so **_**beautiful**_**, so **_**gorgeous**_** and so **_**willing**_** to do **_**whatever**_** he wanted... that maintained him interested in a **_**sexual level.**_

**That's something **_**Hearts**_** has to work **_**hard**_** to achieve, **_**if you get my drift. **_

**Of course, once in a while he would **_**feign**_** to be **_**truly**_** interested in her, to keep her by his side until the day he got **_**feed up of her**_** and then **_**dump her,**_** as if she were a **_**garbage bag.**_

**They kept it as a **_**secret**_**, not to be **_**fired**_** from Arkham. So as soon they started having a **_**"romantic relationship"**_** they stopped meeting **_**in public**_**, just in **_**his apartment**_**. **

**For some reason, she got **_**completely**_** in love with him, **_**fantasizing**_** that one day, they would get **_**married**_**, have **_**children**_** and move to the **_**classical two story brick house**_** with the **_**white picket fence**_**... how **_**wrong**_** she was, how **_**blinded**_** by love.**

_**Some people never change.**_

**Ok, this one. **_**"Disaster"**_

**Down to the floor and... it crashed! **_**Inhale.**_

_**It's 3. am in the morning, Jonathan Crane's sleeping peacefully. Then someone knocks the door frantically.**_

_**Annoyed, he gets up to open the door to whoever dared to interrupt his sleep.  
As soon as he opens the door, Harleen throws herself into his arms smiling from ear to ear, hugging him tightly. He hugs her back, rolling his eyes annoyed at her.**_

-Jonathan, I have _something_ to tell you, I cant believe it, _Oh God,_ _I cant believe it_!- Harleen yells happily, excited- Oh God, I'm so _nervous_, oh God_... I cant believe it-_ She kisses him deeply, closing her eyes, while he starts patting the floor, already bored at her. He doesn't close his eyes, and barely moves- _I love you so much Jonathan!_

-_Harleen..._ – He starts annoyed- Do you realize its _three in the morning_ and that tomorrow we have _to get up early_ to go to _Arkham_? We can't go _together_, they would fire us if they find out _about us_ – He explains icily - What's so _important?_

-_Fuck Arkham!-_ She shouts happily, still hugging him- tomorrow _we quit!_

-I _wont_ quite my job, _I like it_- he answers unaffected- _I like Arkham._

-Ok, _doesn't matter,_ I'll quit, who cares about _job?-_ She keeps talking in a rush, her voice full of love- _Who cares?_

-_I do_- He answers boredly- If you have to say _something_ do it _quickly_ because I do need to _sleep_.

-_Jonathan_...- She starts, suddenly nervous, her voice full of hesitation- _I'm pregnant! We're going to be parents!_

-_Excuse me?!-_ He shouts angrily, his eyes cold an unfeeling- _What?!_

-We're going to have a baby, _sweetie_- She smiles up at him, her smile starting to fade, her eyes starting to water- I know it's shocking, _but we..._

_-"We" nothing!-_ he slaps her hard- I told you to use contraconceptive pills, _stupid!_

-_But Jonathan..._

-_Nothing!_ You're just a _stupid little girl_, you behave like a _stupid teenager_- He keeps shouting completely furious, while she shrinks back- I told you to use _contraconceptive pills_, and you can't do something as _simple as that?_

_-I..I.. Jonathan I love you-_ She cries, heart broken- I thought that _you.._

-_That I loved you?-_ He laughs bitterly at her- I thought you were _more intelligent than that._ I don't care, _what do you think?_ That I'm going to _marry you?-_ He says, his voice full of sarcasm- You'll get an _abortion_ – he says nonchalantly - I don't want _children_ and I don't want to _lose my job because of you._

-Jonathan... _no._..- She begs him- _don't tell me that._

-You don't have _money_ for it?- He shrugs- I'll pay _gladly_ for it. Now, you know the exit. _Leave now_- He says grabbing her by her arm- Tomorrow we'll arrange _when_ and _where_ to get the _abortion_.

-Don't _make_ me do it- She keeps begging him, while he drags her outside, completely cold and uninterested- Jonathan, _please..._

-_You'll do as I say_, and I'll be _right there_ when that _thing_ is removed _out of your body_- he pushes her out of his apartment- I want to be sure you won't go around with a _child of mine_- he closes the door- _Goodbye._

**He was **_**too cruel**_** with her. Simply **_**too cruel**_** and poor Harleen... **_**did as he told her**_**. He found a gynecologist to do it, paid for the abortion and waited outside the room to get **_**sure**_** everything went as **_**he planned.**_

**She cried so much, **_**her depression drown her**_**... she got herself a **_**medical certificate**_** to stop going to Arkham for a month, claiming **_**"professional stress".**_** When she stopped crying over her **_**shattered dreams**_** and the **_**traumatic**_** experience of an **_**abortion**_**... she started to **_**hate Crane**_**. Everyday it passed, she hated him a little more**_**, at the point she would shoot him at first sight.**_

**Eventually, **_**she came back.**_

**You'll find this.... **_**really interesting**_**. I would say Harleen, in **_**someway**_**... perceived the **_**future**_**. But my daughter **_**wasn't**_** around her at the time, **_**so it's not the case.**_

**But one of us **_**was**_** around... in a really **_**twisted way.**_

**Some words shouldn't be told so **_**careless**_**, with so much anger... **_**Destiny**_** might be hearing you and decide to **_**make you eat your own words**_**.**

_**Destiny and Chaos**_**... good people, nice neighbors, but **_**creepy**_** and **_**highly dangerous**_**. The composer and the the conductor, **_**respectively...**_

**This has been **_**lurking**_** in Crane's mind since the first moment he realized **_**he's in love with Hearts...**_** you'll see **_**why**_**.**

**It's name:**_** "Fear" **_

**Well.. it seems my hands are slippery.**_** Ooops?**_

_**Crane's in his office, drinking a coffee and reading a book. Someone knocks the door.**_

-_Come in._

-Hello _Dr. Crane_

-Dr. Quinzel, _how can I help you?_

-Just _listen_ to what I have to _say._

-Make it _quick_, I'm a _busy_ person.

-Ok. Listen to me and listen carefully, _you son of a bitch_… you made me _suffer_, yes and I _still_ love you… _probably I'll love you the rest of my life._ And I'm _miserable_, yes, _you_ made me miserable... _but one day_... one day I'll get _my revenge._

-Are you _threatening_ me?

-No, _I'm not._ I'm just _stating_ what will happen. _Because_ _it will..._

-_Oh yes,_ Miss Quinzel, what will happen _to me?_ Should I call _the police_ and accuse you of _threatening_ me?

-You're _deaf_ or _what?_ I'm just _saying_... that one day, _you'll fall in love_. You will _really_ fall in love with _someone_... and that _woman_, whoever she is, wherever she is... _bless her._ Because _she_ will be _the one_ who will deliver _my revenge_. You'll fall in love with a bitch, a _manipulative bitch_ that will turn you into _her lap dog_... and you'll do _whatever she says_. She will _cheat on you_, she will _beat you_ and you'll still _look up at her_ as if she were your _Goodness_. You'll get _married_, you'll have _children_ with said woman... and you'll be _miserable_, thinking you could have been with _me_, a woman that loves _sincerely_. I'll _haunt_ your _dreams_... years will go by, _we'll get old_. And the day it happens... _I'll be there_. And I'll be laughing at you in _your face_ while you _lick_ your _wife's shoes._.. whoever she is... _bless her. _

-You're talking _nonsense_, I would never _fall in love_, much less be _manipulated_ or turned into a _lap dog._

-_Wanna bet?_ I _condemn_ you Jonathan.... _I'll go to Hell_, but I'm _dragging you with me_. And don't _expect_ me to quit this job... _I like it_. One day I'll be the _Director_ of this place... maybe you'll end up in a _cell_ after _your wife and her hellish family_ is done with you. And I'll be _right there_... this is a _circus_ and you're the _freak_ I'm laughing at. Goodbye, Crane. _See ya in Hell... _

_**Destiny and Chaos**_** were listening **_**carefully**_** and had the **_**wonderful idea**_** of making it true at **_**some point.**_** Destiny wrote about a woman called **_**Alicia Narvaez **_**to play the part of **_**tormentor**_** for him... and **_**Jack Napier**_** for her.**

**I think my husband said **_**something**_** about it: That at **_**some point**_**, they would end up **_**together**_** and be **_**happy**_**. Well... the **_**happy ones**_** would have been **_**Jack and Alicia**_**... the other two **_**their respective lapdogs.**_

_**Chaos**_** decided to **_**twist**_** it a little... **_**the rest is ancient history.**_

**Oh wait, someone knocking at my door. Talking about the **_**Devil**_** and she shall appear.**

**FN: Oh hi, Chaos! **_**How are you?**_

**CH: Fine, just **_**worried**_** about our **_**children**_**... I have the **_**feeling**_** they'll get **_**married**_** one of these days and they'll just... **_**leave us alone to rot...**_** I don't want my **_**little boy**_** leaving me...**

**FN: No, **_**don't worry!**_** They **_**can't**_** until they grow up to be **_**adults**_**... and that won't happen without **_**the Boss**_** saying so!**

**CH: **_**Oh wait...**_** you were **_**working**_**. I interrupted you,**_** I'm sorry.**_

**FN: No, it's ok... actually I was telling a story about **_**you**_**... well... **_**you know what I'm talking about. **_

**CH: The Royal Family of Crime? **_**Which one...?**_** Oh, that **_**guy Crane.**_

**FN: Yes... they are **_**hard**_** to work with.**

**CH: I know..****. believe me **_**I know**_**. At some point my husband wrote they had to be **_**together**_**, I went **_**overly artistic**_** in that one... and now they go around saying they're the "**_**Agents of Chaos**_**". I didn't appoint **_**anyone**_** as **_**my agents**_** as far as I know... and your husband imitating **_**the Joker**_** is not funny either. **_**It's disrespectful.**_** If you get my drift...**

**FN: Oh...yeah, **_**I'm sorry,**_** I'll tell him to **_**stop**_** it!**

**CH: Ok... and when my son comes back with your daughter, tell him he's got **_**to clean the dishes at home...**_** and please put some **_**limits**_** to your **_**daughter**_**, the girl has been trying to **_**pervert**_** my little boy for **_**two centuries**_**. I don't like her **_**rubbing herself all over him.**_**.. if not... Do you remember last time, when I told you and you didn't obey me? I put... **_**The Top Guards**_**... they haven't done anything **_**yet**_**... but they **_**will**_** if she **_**doesn't stop.**_** Am I clear? And I don't want any more **_**lap dances**_** or your daughter taking **_**my little boy's hand and placing it in her ass**_**. If not... **_**I'll cut her hand off**_**. And her eyes out with a **_**spoon**_** if she keeps looking at **_**his ass.**_

**FN: **_**Sure!**_** I'm sorry**_**. I'll... tell her to stop**_**. And don't worry about **_**Male**_** imitating the Joker**_**... I'll teach him.**_

**CH: **_**Great!**_** I'll go back because **_**my husband**_** is getting **_**annoying**_** again, you know he likes to write with **_**blood**_** some things, and "**_**bloody mess**_**" would be the **_**exact**_** term for it. But again... **_**your daughter doesn't stop**_**... and the blood he'll write with will be **_**hers**_**...I think I made my point **_**pretty clear**_** for you, **_**dear**_**. Goodbye**

**FN: **_**Bye Chaos...!**_

_**Bitch**_**... I mean, what's **_**wrong**_** with my little daughter being a **_**ballerina**_**? And it's a way of showing **_**affection**_**, nothing more. Destiny and Chaos... **_**they have a stick in their asses.**_** Both of them. But I have to talk to someone, **_**another woman...**_** and she and her husband are **_**nice**_** when they're not **_**threatening my job, my family and behaving like...**_** well... **_**Hearts and The Joker?**_

_**Uhmm...**_** that's... **_**really funny**_** knowing that Hearts and the Joker **_**are in fact...**_** Oh **_**hahaha**_**! I shouldn't be telling you that! Sorry, **_**I'll spoil the whole story!**_

**Let's make **_**a bet...! I love bets**_**! If you tell me, exactly who are in fact **_**Jack Napier, Jonathan Crane, Harleen Quinzel and Alicia Narvaez...**_

**I'll set and **_**interview**_** with all of them, **_**in the same room**_**, and you get to ask them **_**directly**_** whatever you want. **_**Don't worry**_**, they'll just **_**forget**_** everything as if **_**nothing had happened.**_**.. I can **_**arrange**_** that with one of my husband's friends, **_**The Organizer**_** (He's the one who **_**cleans**_** and **_**organizes**__**The Files**_**, he can... **_**ooops?**_** Set **_**fire**_** to something accidentally**_**? Gooooone!)**_

_**What do you say?**_

**I'll let you alone to figure it out...**_**and if you do it,**_** and give me a **_**good explanation**_** of how you got to that **_**conclusion...**_

**Well, lets say **_**I'm a woman of my word.**_


	21. Puppets and Puppeteers

**Hello again, sorry for Chaos **_**interrupting**_**. So... have you been **_**thinking**_** about our **_**little bet**_**? Because one of you... **_**one of you did well.**_

**But... you still have time to **_**try**_** and guess **_**everything.**_

**Ok, I have a story to tell... and I'll tell it. **_**On with the show.**_

**I decided that we had **_**enough**_** of Crane's mind... well, now you know how's it organized, how it works, **_**his self delusion**_**... and the **_**little secret**_** he and Harley are **_**keeping...**_

**So, we're back to **_**The Files**_** again.**

_**Much simpler...**_** I could tell you this from**_** Harley's**_** mind **_**also**_**... but all you would have is the **_**dialogues**_** and how much she was **_**mocking**_** him. And you **_**wouldn't**_** get how did she made him believe she "**_**forgot**_**" ,"**_**She doesn't care about it**_**", and... **_**well...**_

**Last time my husband told you about it... but he **_**skipped**_** this part. Probably because of the **_**headache**_** after Hearts and The Joker in that car. **

_**Harley and Crane are waiting in the YF street for Hearts and the Joker to arrive...**_

**This is when Hearts broke them out of Arkham. You might remember Crane was **_**sedated**_**, barely could stand up... and he had **_**negotiated**_** to do something he **_**couldn't**_ **do.**

_-...yeah...-_ Harley smirks- I would start thinking about a _good excuse._

_**Silence.**_** Crane thinks one thing: **_**his upcoming death**_**. He knows either the **_**strange woman**_** that hired him would kill him... **_**or the person by his side**_**. Harley has **_**good**_** reasons to **_**kill him**_**...he can only **_**expect**_** that she wouldn't do it, for **_**some reason.**_

"_This is a good time to... well, apologize. Maybe she won't kill me if I do it... just maybe..."_

-_Harleen..._ I don't know how to tell you this...- he starts, his voice hesitating- you'll make them kill me, _right?_

-Why would I do _that?-_ Harley laughs friendly, feigning surprise- and It's _Harley Quinn,_ Jonathan. _That's my name_ – she tell him in a patronizing tone - _Harleen Quinzel is dead.  
_  
_" And Harley Quinn will throw you to the lions... haha!"_

**Crane just roles his eyes, skeptical at her statement. **

-You know what happened... _some years ago_- he says matter of factly- What I made you _do. _

-Oh _that_?- Harley laughs harder this time, as if it were ridiculous- you're living in the _past_ Jonathan- she says amused- if you hadn't told me, I would have just...- she sighs- _well, I forgot._

"_Oh yes, I forgot the hell you made me live through... I'm amnesic, Crane... haha... Queenie... bless you! You're helping me to end a little vendetta here! Love it! Off with his head... who pulls the puppeteer's string?! Haha!"_

-I'm sorry but I _don't_ believe you.

"_Ok.. we don't plan... but Hearts is looking lonely and what better than a nerd for another nerd?...hahaha... and I promised a manipulative bitch to ya, Crane... I think I have the ideal candidate... Ok. First rule of manipulation: Make him trust you. Second: Make him think Hearts is the real boss... he'll fall for the money. Now if I can get them to start reading and 'sharing mutual' interests... I think dear Queenie will have to resign her title "The Puppeteer"!"_

**Harley sighs, and rolls her eyes boredly. **

-Look _Jonny_- she starts, nonplussed- it's been more than _seven years_ since that happened. Dunno if you noticed, but I'm _married_. And I'm pretty _happy_ with my husband- she smiles warmly to him- And I don't want children, anyway...- she shrugs and giggles- heck, I'm _rich_, I'm _powerful_ and _feared_- she says meaningfully- The whole mob works for me, I'm _famous_. I kill people with a hammer and I don't give a _fuck_ about it- she pats his head in a patronizing way. Crane looks up at her sceptically and she laughs- _Sorry for that, Jonny_- she apologizes- my husband kills with a _knife_... he draws _pretty smiles_ in his victims- she says smiling from ear to ear and making a gesture with her finger, where the Joker usually cuts: _from ear to ear_- if you get my drift. And you see Hearts? _The redhead?-_ he nods-

"_A__lready interested? Haha!"_

-_Well_... she tears eyes out with _spoons_- she makes a mimic again, mouthing "_ouch_"- you have to see _that_- she says raising her eyebrow in mock complicity- I mean... _"scared shitless"_ it's the _exact_ term for it.  
_  
" Does she want me to believe that? She just wants to scare me"  
_  
-That woman is _too small_ to do something like _that_- he says seriously- it needs a lot of _brute force..._

-_Nah... just practice and skill_- Harley interrupts him- you see a _spoon_ in her hands and better _run_- she says mockingly, making a gesture with her hands- And that, _my friend_- she grins at him- is a _good advice._

-I'm not taking advice of an _ex-girlfriend_ who surely wants me _dead_.

-_Suit yourself_- she shrugs- I've told you I _don't_ care about... well, _a simple abortion_- she looks at her watch, apparently non-interested- _Killing people_ is part of our _daily routine_ and I don't give a _fuck_ about a _fetus_- she yawns- _Look_... I'll tell you what, _you decide_. You'll be working for _her_, she'll be the on paying ya. _Follow my advice..._- she gets her face close to his, smiling smugly- and you'll stay _alive_.

-_Go on._

-_One_- she starts, her voice serious, like a professor- She wants _the cure_ for _herself_. And she's pretty _desperate_ for it. _Meaning_: you better offer her _something else_, and do it _quickly_- she empathizes the last word- If you're not _dead_ by then, which I hope _doesn't_ happen because you're _intelligent_.. - she says suddenly "_concerned_"-. she'll offer you _much less_ money than what _you agreed_- she states matter of factly- _How much did she tell you? _

-15 million per month, during three months and when I'm done 20 million.

_-O__k..._ she'll end up offering _5 million_-she sighs- _Ask for more_.

-And that's when she _puts a bullet in my head_ or _tear my eyes out_ with a _spoon_- he states icily at her, who laughs at him- _right?_

-_No!-_ she says amused- if you accept the _first thing_ she offers you, she'll think you're _unworthy_ and kill you _on the spot_- she grins at him- Ask _more_ and you're someone _valuable_- she tells him meaningfully- _And the third_: she likes _books_ and she likes to _talk_. _A lot_- she says looking annoyed- Listen _carefully_ to everything she has to say- she orders him- And _don't_ just nod without listening, _interact with her_, act _interested_ in what she _has to say._

-_You_ act like a _stupid little child_ around her and she _didn't_ kill you- he smiles smugly at her- you want me to be _rebellious_, and she'll _kill me_. Exactly what _you_ want. Why don't you do the job _yourself_ and shoot me _now?  
_  
-_No._ I don't want you _dead!_- she laughs really hard, making a gesture with her hand as if he were crazy- I need someone else _besides_ my husband to talk to, and _I can't stand it_ when she starts her _incessant rambling_- she roles her eyes- She _doesn't_ kill _me_ because _her brother_ is dependent on _me_, and _she's dependent on her brother_- she smiles smugly- _I'm gone_, my Puddin _kills himself_ and then she's left _alone_- she tells him, smiling from ear to ear- And once _that_ happens she kills _herself_. She's a _dependent__ person_- she smiles wider and croaks an eyebrow to him meaningfully-_that_... is my _last advice._

"_Is she implying I should make her dependent of me?" _

-_What do you...?_  
**  
The Joker and Hearts walk in, opening the door. Harley turns her head to them and smiles. **

_-Where were you? you're half an hour late! _

_-A policeman asked for our Id's, he thought we were drunk and Jay had a whim._

**He **_**ate**_** it as if it were a piece of **_**chocolate cake**_**. Do you **_**seriously**_** think that Harley wouldn't pick up **_**one or two things**_** living with **_**manipulators**_**? She might **_**play**_** the part of **_**stupid**_**... but she **_**isn't**_**. Not at all. **

**At first... he wasn't so **_**sure**_**. But then he followed **_**her advice**_**... and became aware of the **_**situation**_**. Then just out of **_**curiosity**_**, he accepted "**_**Miss Hearts**_**" sitting next to him and start **_**talking.  
**_**  
He thought he could **_**act**_** to be interested in what she was saying. He never thought that he would end up **_**eager**_** to hear **_**anything**_** coming from **_**her**_** mouth. **

**His **_**interest**_** escalated to **_**fascination**_**, and then he started feeling **_**something**_**. He couldn't even **_**stand**_** the idea of **_**not**_** talking to her, he needed her to **_**listen**_** to **_**him**_**, and not the other way around. And **_**everything**_** she said seemed to **_**agree**_** with what he was **_**thinking**_**. **

**He was **_**confused**_**, and he was **_**curious**_**... he **_**needed**_** to know more about her. Soon he found **_**himself**_** going to her office, **_**not the other way around**_**. **

**And then she wasn't just and **_**interesting**_** and **_**fascinating**_** person: She was a **_**woman**_**... **

**He started to see "**_**beyond**_**" her facade. He started to **_**imagine**_** how her body looked beneath the **_**multiple layers of clothes**_**, he started to see how **_**expressive**_** she could be: **

**Sometimes as a small and **_**innocent**_** child, big brown eyes that looked up at him, waiting for **_**his**_** opinion **_**eagerly**_** and her warm smile that she only seemed to show **_**him**_**. **

**And then the **_**other**_** side of the coin, the woman with a **_**spoon**_** in her hands, her expression **_**heartless**_**, cold eyes and **_**nasty smirk**_** while poking eyes out, **_**smug**_** at the **_**fear**_** and **_**pain**_** she could induce in her **_**victims**_**... and then turning back at **_**him**_** smiling proudly, almost **_**innocent**_**... like a **_**little child**_** showing her father **_**the A+ she got in school, **_**waiting for **_**him**_** to **_**approve**_** her actions. **

**And then... **_**Harley seemed to be right**_**. Not only had she given him **_**good advice**_**, but she also seemed to be **_**friendly**_**, truly **_**not**_** caring about the **_**past**_**... so **_**happy**_** with her **_**husband**_** around. **

**Everything she said **_**was truth.**_** It started to become **_**obvious**_** The Joker was **_**dependent**_** on **_**Harley**_**... He beat her senseless **_**once**_**, and she **_**left**_**. It only lasted **_**one**_** day. The Joker locked himself in his private room, and according to Hearts if she **_**didn't**_** get him out **_**quickly**_** he would **_**kill himself**_**. She started to **_**cry**_** at the prospect of her brother **_**dying**_**, saying that he was the only **_**link**_** to her **_**past**_** and her **_**sanity**_**, saying the most **_**horrible**_** things about herself and talking about **_**suicide**_**, completely **_**desperate**_**. **

**He went to **_**unlock**_** the Joker's door... to find him **_**drunk**_** and sleeping after **_**destroying**_** everything around. **

**From the looks of it... **_**it seemed Harley was right.**_

**What he didn't know, was that **_**Harley**__**got beaten**_** because the Joker was **_**sexually frustrated**_**, not being able to touch his **_**real wife**_** for almost **_**three months**_**. What he **_**didn't**_** know was that Hearts was **_**testing him**_** with her **_**depressive ranting, **_**to see if he would do as she told him. **_**And he passed that exam with flying colors**_**. What he **_**didn't**_** know was that the Joker destroyed his own bedroom and got **_**drunk**_** because **_**he knew**_** that Hearts was **_**winning.**_

**He didn't know Harley **_**let**_** the Joker beat her senseless **_**to prove her point**_**: The siblings were **_**co-dependent**_**, and The Joker dependent of **_**her**_**. **

**What **_**she**_** didn't know was that The Joker and Hearts **_**are co-dependent**_**...but not as **_**siblings**_**, but as a **_**couple**_**. **

_**All in all...**_** everything went as **_**Harley**_** planned from the first moment she saw **_**Crane**_** again: **_**He fell in love with Hearts... **_**and if she knew the siblings and **_**she knew them well**_**... they were highly **_**sadistic**_** and didn't hesitate about **_**abusing**_** people. On the other hand... they were **_**extremely dependent**_** when someone seemed to give them just a **_**drop of sincere affection**_**. It only took her to be **_**kind**_** to the Joker for him to **_**fall in love**_**... and from the looks of it, Hearts only needed **_**someone to talk to.**_

_**Interesting**_** how **_**manipulative people**_** could be easily **_**manipulated**_** by **_**affections**_**. She was truly in love with her Puddin', **_**technically**_** she wasn't manipulating **_**him**_**... but if she asked for anything... **_**she got in a blink of an eye.  
**_**  
What **_**she**_** didn't know that she was given **_**everything**_** she wanted because it was **_**easy**_** for him to give it, and because it was one of his **_**multiple**_** ways to manipulate **_**her**_**.  
**_**  
Funny world, indeed.**_

**Then, **_**one day**_**, she wakes up and goes to have **_**breakfast**_**. Suddenly the door opens and her **_**dreams come true**_**: There **_**he**_** was, the **_**Bastard**_** who **_**ruined**_** her life and made her **_**miserable**_**, holding hands with a **_**Bitch**_** that she was sure would **_**make him miserable and abuse him. **_

**If anyone saw **_**the same image**_** they would think it's just a **_**normal couple:**_** They were holding hands, and then she put her head on his chest hugging him tightly. He just looked down at her and smiled, hugging her back and kissing her softly, his eyes full of **_**adoration, love.**_

**But there was something in **_**Hearts'**_** eyes, something **_**obscure**_** and **_**malicious**_**. Yes, that was certainly a woman completely **_**in love**_**... but she was still a **_**puppeteer**_**. Just that she was in love with her **_**puppet**_** and very aware who was the **_**alpha**_** of the relationship. And if she was **_**like her brother**_**... the strings **_**the Bitch**_** had attached would be there **_**forever**_**. **

_**So many years**_**... and there **_**she was**_**: Seeing **_**exactly**_** what she told would happen. The Bastard becoming a **_**Manipulative Bitch's lapdog**_**. **

**A **_**Chihuahua**_** to be more exact. The very moment he'd try to rebel against her, she would put a well placed **_**kick**_** in his ass with her **_**shiny leather boot**_**... and he would **_**cry in a corner**_** for a while, just to come back to her and **_**kiss her hands**_** asking for **_**forgiveness**_**, while **_**licking her shoes.**_

_**Was there anything more perfect in life?**_

**Oh yes. **_**There was**_**. His name was **_**The Joker.**_

**Not only **_**her husband**_**, the one she **_**truly loved**_** and would **_**never**_** stop loving, the one capable of doing **_**anything**_** to give her what she wanted. **_**No.**_

**He was afraid of losing his **_**little sister**_** to another man, who would take her away from him after a **_**complete life together.**_** Truly dependent upon **_**his sister**_**, and he wouldn't let them be **_**together**_** that **_**easily.**_

**He **_**interrupted**_** them every time he could. He started to **_**argue**_** with her sister saying that **_**The Bastard**_** was only interested in her **_**money**_**, and then she starting to **_**cry**_** and lock herself in her office, her **_**lapdog**_** running behind her and knocking the door desperate, probably thinking she would **_**kill herself**_** and leave him **_**alone**_**. **

_**Three weeks**__** of that**_**. Just three weeks of Hearts **_**crying**_** in almost **_**every corner**_** that she couldn't be with **_**the man she loved**_**, saying maybe her brother was **_**right**_** and he was with her just for the **_**money**_**... sometimes hugging her **_**oh so beloved puppet**_**, crying that **_**she loved him**_**, asking him **_**why**_** he couldn't love her **_**sincerely**_**, the **_**Bastard**_** desperate trying to tell her that he **_**did**_** love her **_**sincerely**_**, not to hear to the Joker. Most of the time she ran out to her office again, where she would **_**cry some more**_**, Crane shouting to **_**please**_** let him in... after some minutes she would open the door, sobbing harder and asking him not to leave her alone, to please love her or she **_**would kill herself.**_

_**And then everything all over again. **_

**Any word coming out of her mouth **_**implying**_** suicide and The Joker would appear to pull her out of **_**The Bastard's arms**_** and hug her tightly, like she was **_**his little doll,**_** the perfect image of an **_**overprotective brother**_**, shouting that Crane **_**didn't**_** love her, that he didn't kill him just because she **_**wasn't**_** thinking straight **_**about him,**_** but he would kill him if he ever saw his sister **_**sad**_** again. **

**And then... the **_**Bitch herself**_** running to **_**her**_**, crying and rambling **_**nonsense**_** about a **_**normal family**_**, about **_**marriage**_** and **_**children**_**, how much she would give for a life **_**like that**_** with her **_**beloved puppet**_**... **_**annoying little bitch.**_

**It seemed Harley was a **_**Master Puppeteer:**_** Everything went as **_**she**_** planned. **

**What she **_**didn't**_** know, was that it was all an **_**act**_**. Hearts could **_**cry, sob, and weep**_** like the best **_**dramatic actress**_**, and The Joker would pull her away out of **_**jealousy**_** rather than **_**protectiveness**_**, hoping Crane would get scared of his **_**incessant**__**threats**_**. **

_**Whatever happened,**_** there would be only **_**one**_** winner: **_**That was the Joker**_**. If Hearts got married, she would be marked on her hand with a huge **_**"J",**_** and if not, **_**he still won the bet against her.**_

**Hearts would **_**win**_** if she got married, she would win her bet... and not only **_**that**_**. She would be marrying **_**the Joker**_**, not **_**Jonathan Crane**_**. For her, it was a **_**win/win**_** situation and there was no way she would **_**lose**_** the bet. The Joker wasn't **_**stopping**_** it: he was **_**helping**_** her tactics. **

_**Just a few days,**_** and then **_**Harley**_** commenting to an **_**exhausted and depressive**_** Jonathan Crane about his **_**Puppeteer**_** talking about **_**marriage...**_

**And **_**minutes**_** after that he was **_**knocking**_** her door, asking her to **_**please**_** marry him, while **_**she cried**_** and **_**refused**_** saying that he was only doing it for the **_**money**_**, to get the hell out of her sight, because if she wanted to be with him she wanted the relationship to be **_**real**_**, not based on **_**lies and money,**_** saying **_**that**_** was the reason he loved her, that he was just **_**confused**_**... and that she would give him **_**money**_** to be free... **_**implying that she would suicide afterwards.  
**_**  
**_**Jonathan Crane**_** felt to his **_**knees**_**, **_**crying**_** and saying he wasn't **_**confused**_**, that he **_**truly loved**_** her, that he didn't **_**care**_** about the **_**money**_**, **_**begging**_** her to marry him and **_**please**_** not to ever say a **_**word**_** about **_**suicide**_** again. **

_**Just then**_**, when **_**The Puppeteer**_** saw her **_**puppet**_** completely **_**broken**_**.... **

_**She accepted.**_

_**The Ceremony**_** didn't differ that much from the **_**last one**_**... but this had the peculiarity of having **_**two ministers**_**... **

_**Harley and The Joker. **_

**The last wedding had a **_**Minister, a Groom, and a Bride**_**:**

_**A Puppeteer, a Tormentor, and a Puppet.**_

**In this other you have **_**two Ministers, a Bride and a Groom**_**. **

_**Three puppeteers:**_** The Great Winner, The Tormentor and The Conductor. **_**Joker, Hearts, and Harley**_**. **

**And the groom... **_**the puppet.**_

_**There are no Puppeteers without a Puppet**_**... this one has **_**so many**_** strings attached from so many **_**different puppeteers**_** that nobody really knows **_**who's**_** the one pulling **_**his strings. **_

**But when you think about it **_**carefully**_**... Harley herself is a **_**puppet**_**, whatever she makes is **_**orchestrated**_** by her **_**puppeteer**_**, that's The Joker of course, whose strings are attached to **_**Hearts**_**, because even if he doesn't act **_**directly**_** under her orders... she's a huge influence in his actions. **_**And vice-versa. **_

**Then **_**Harley**_** has another puppet besides Crane: **_**The Joker**_**. You might be wondering **_**how**_** did that happen? It happened **_**exactly**_** in the moment he decided **_**not**_** to kill her, as it was **_**arranged**_** with **_**his wife**_** from the **_**start**_**. **_**He**_** gave **_**her**_** power when he placed **_**his most beloved**_**, his most **_**appreciated**_** thing in **_**her**_** hands: **_**Hearts' mental health**_**. The Joker **_**refused**_** to be controlled by what's **_**supposed**_** to be **_**his puppet**_**. He beats her, he cuts her, **_**abuses her**_**. But he **_**can't**_** kill her. Because he most likely lose **_**Hearts**_** in the **_**process**_**. **

_**Hearts**_** is the one **_**officially**_** holding the title of **_**Puppeteer**_**, but her actions are also **_**influenced;**_** she's not as **_**free**_** as she thinks... **_**ironically**_**... she's **_**influenced**_** by **_**her puppet**_**. At some point the **_**strings**_** her puppet had attached to her hands **_**started to pull her down**_**... and now one of her fingers is pulled down by her puppet. And she **_**doesn't**_** even know, **_**she tries to deny it**_**. Because this is not her **_**first time**_** handling **_**this particular puppet**_**... and to get free of her puppet **_**back then**_** she had to cut **_**all the strings**_**, leaving the puppet **_**lifeless**_**. And then she got it back.. **_**and now it's pulling the strings down stronger**_**... in which case... **_**Crane is Hearts' puppeteer.**_

**How did the **_**lowest puppet**_** become the **_**highest puppeteer**_**? That **_**happened**_** when she started to **_**hesitate**_** about killing him. To be more **_**exact**_**, at the **_**very moment**_** she **_**stopped**_** the **_**Joker and Harley**_** from shooting **_**him**_**. She said it was because he would be **_**useful**_** in the future... she developed a **_**strange feeling**_** for her puppet. **_**She was too content with her masterpiece...**_

**It's **_**pointless**_** trying to know **_**who's a puppet**_** and who's a **_**puppeteer**_** because nobody lives alone; everybody has a **_**relationship**_** with **_**someone or something**_**... and for every **_**relationship**_**, every **_**feeling**_**, from **_**love to hatred**_**... **

_**...**__**a string is attached and pulled. **_

**It's called being a **_**human being.**_

**In a **_**bad mix**_** of jokes, hatred, manipulation, lies, bets and love, **_**two people got married.  
**_**  
Destiny wrote it and Chaos messed it up. But it happened as it had to **_**happen**_**. Exactly as it was **_**written**_**: Jonathan Crane and Harleen Quinzel got their respective **_**Tormentors**_**... **

_**And the other way around.  
**_**  
Two drunken Ministers, holding into each, a bottle of Champagne in their hands. **

-_So Harley,_ we're here reunited to bond in _holy-shit_ matrimony these _two nerds_, the _mad scientist_ who likes to run around with a _burlap sack sprayin' fart gas_, that would be you, _Scary- Pooh,_ and the _manipulative bitch_, female version of the _Godfather_ mixed with _Lewis Carol character gone bad_ and hacker, who also likes to...

- Would you _stop_ telling those things to your _own sister_?

- Ok, I take it from here. _Hey Jonny._.. do ya accept to be this _evil almost midget's_ _husband_ until something like the _third world war,_ a _meteorite_ colliding with earth, here my _husband_ kills you... the _Bat_ kills you.. in a lesser _Gordon gets your sorry ass and.._

- _I do,_ that's the answer you're looking for, right, Harley? _Really, don't start drinking... _

- _Yep_. Thank you Jonny, _you're such a doll!_

- Yeah. Well, you _manipulative bitch_... that would be ya, _Hearts_, just if you didn't notice, _Your Highness..._ do you take _Birdie_ here as your _husband_ 'til you get _bored_ of him and _poke his eyes out_... or maybe _I draw a little smile in his face_... or maybe _Bat-brat_ decides to end his _pitiful life..._

- _I do._

- Don't interrupt my monologues, _you bad imitator of the Godfather._

- Shut it, _clown_, bad imitator of _Scarface_...

- Want me to _introduce_ ya to my _little friend,_ Hearts?

- _My Queen..._ let me warn you. He has _issues_... probably _infatuated with you._

- Again, _you sucker_, I'm fucking _married_ to this... hey Harley, _you're hot as hell_! _HOT BABY!  
_  
- You too, _Puddin_! C'mere and give me some _loooooove...!_

**Both Harley and The Joker start laughing and making out, completely **_**drunken**_**. She's happy. **_**He's bitter.**_**  
**  
- Jonathan, I think it will be much better if we make the _tattoos_ back in my bedroom.

- Definitely My Queen... then we _celebrate_ our marriage.

- _Certainly_, Doctor Crane.

_**Harley heard that.**_**  
**  
- So desperate to _fuck_, you two? Go there _and fuck your brains out_! _God Bless the Fucking Queen!  
_  
_- Ehh... _if you _Queenie_ can get him to _get it up!_

**There's no much point **_**describing this**_**... they went to her bedroom... kissed softy and then made the tattoos. I think the sexual frustration was too high from his part, and Hearts... well. She was **_**attracted**_** to him... and **_**willing**_** to have some "**_**fun**_**" with her **_**puppet**_**. **

**Meanwhile, The Joker went out to the parking lot with a **_**bittersweet**_** feeling: Yes, he got Hearts **_**marked**_**... but at the very moment he was sitting in the floor, drunken and trying not to think about it; **_**his wife was making love to another man**_**... he had tried to **_**sugarcoat**_** it with some **_**jokes**_**, trying **_**not**_** to think about it too much... **_**he couldn't.**_

**His mind played over and over again the image of the first time **_**Jack**_** got married to **_**Allie**_**... **_**and how happy they were**_**. No manipulation, no lies, **_**nothing**_**. Just two people **_**in love...**_** he remembered their **_**first night**_** together as a **_**married couple**_**... and how much he **_**used**_** to love her. **

_**How much they used to love each other. **_

**He preferred to drown his memories in **_**alcohol**_**, and Harley, after some minutes, brings two bottles of **_**champagne**_**. They start drinking directly from the bottle, not saying a word. The Joker is **_**silent**_**, trying not to remember... **_**and Harley's laughing hard.**_

_**Harleen Quinzel**_** laughed hard, **_**maniacally**_**, drinking from the champagne bottle until **_**nothing**_** was left. **

**She cries tears of **_**happiness**_

-_Hey Harls..._ why are you laughing so hard? What's so _funny?_

- _You don't have idea!_ Damn that was the _best thing_ I could ever _witness_... damn, _Puddin' hand me that bottle!_

- _Ok? _

- I wanna make a _toast!_

- _Ok?_

- _A toast for the manipulative bitch and her lapdog! _

- _Amen..._

-Now, I wanna say something! _HEY!_ All of you hear what I have to say! _Doctorrrrrrr Jonathan Crane is The Queen's Dangerous Chihuahua! _

- _Good one Harls._

- A Fucking _Chihuahua_, ya hear me! _God Bless the_ _Fucking Queen_! Hey _Birrrrrrrrrrdie_, you'll end up _licking your wife's shoes_! _Oh yeah_....! Love ya, bitch, _love ya to death you manipulative bitch_! In your face, _you bastard!_ She's gonna make ya suffer to no end! _God bless the fucking Queen!_

**The Joker is **_**annoyed**_**, he's **_**drunk**_** and he's **_**sad**_**. He just wanted to get **_**drunk**_** alone in the **_**parking lot**_**, and just being **_**alone**_** after **_**the fiasco.**_** Harley **_**shouting**_** is not helping. She can **_**barely**_** stand... He just stands up and starts **_**beating her**_**, and she keeps **_**laughing, and laughing**_**.. and he's **_**angry**_**; he wants her to **_**stop**_**, he feels she's **_**mocking**_** at him.. he keeps kicking her, punching her.. until she only **_**giggles**_**, still muttering **_**"God bless the Queen" **_

**After a moment, he just gets into the warehouse again, leaving an Harley with several ribs broken, her face bleeding and her nose broken. **

**He just heads to his private room, disconnects the computer and **_**tries**_** to sleep. The last thing he wants to hear is **_**Hearts**__**moaning**_** while **_**cheating on him.**_

**But he does hear it... **_**her room is next to his.**_

**Soon **_**he falls asleep**_**, dreaming, **_**remembering**_** about those days when he used to be a **_**happy man,**_** and not just a **_**stupid idiot**_** who threw **_**his own wife**_** into **_**another man's arms. **_

**Two guards, holding AK-47s in the parking lot, sigh and go to pick Harley and drive her to Ivy's house... **

**The Top Guards.**

- Miss Harley, do you want us to take you to Ivy's house?- says the young man, looking down at her pitifully.

- Yeah... _hehehe_..- she answers, still drunk and amused, although she sounds week.

- _Ok_- the other guard, a young woman, sighs.  
**  
Both of them hang their guns on their shoulders and pick her up, placing her in the backseat, apparently unconscious, although she's still giggling.  
**  
- Really, these people- the young blond man complains, rolling his eyes- _sick and twisted doesn't begin to cover it-  
_  
- Yeah- the woman agrees, sitting in the driver sit- I hate this job... _hate it._

**They start driving in silence, only Harley's giggles are heard. Then man's face is serious and the woman looks amused.  
**  
-Not even _this_ takes away my _happiness_.. he could break my leg and I would still be _happy_!- Harley suddenly starts shouting- CRANE'S A PUPPET, CRANE'S A PUPPET GODDAMIT! CRANE I TOLD YA I WAS GOING TO SEND YA TO HELL AND I FUCKING SENT YA THERE! _I EVEN FOUND YA THE DEVIL!_

**Then Harley passes out. **

**The brown haired woman starts to laugh while driving, trying to muffle the sound with one hand.  
**  
-_Ha Ha._ Real funny- the other guard complains, sarcastic- shut it, _for the love of..._

-I know, but you can't deny this is funny as hell, _I mean..._

-Seeing...her like this is _hell_ to me, have some _sympathy_.

-Ok, sorry _sweetheart_. First time you see her _drunk?_

-_No_... but I can't stand seeing this _twisted soap opera_... what the hell, they used to be _nice people_... really? _Siblings those two?_ And...Potato Head and this one in the back _friends_? Hell...

-Yeah, I know... but you know as well as me they're going _down_... just wait and see, _wait and _see... _I think we should give them a taste of their own medicine._

- It's time_... You still have the computer?_

- Yes... _under our bed_... we haven't touched that in... _seven years already?_

- Yes... I guess tomorrow I'll start prepearing _the videos and hiring peple..._ The _Family_ is going _down..._

-She just threw up in the car... just great. _You clean it.  
_  
-Go to hell, Alex. You're my lapdog, _don't deny it._

-You're mine too, Cat, _shut it._

-Fine.. _we'll make another guy clean it _

_**No, No, No**__**!**_** Those two weren't supposed to do **_**anything**_**! They were supposed to **_**forget**_** about **_**the computer**_**.. what...? That wasnt there last time I checked!**

**MALE, REWIND IT!**

-Yeah, I know... but you know as well as me they're going _down_... just wait and see, _wait and _see... _I think we should give them a taste of their own medicine._

- It's time_... You still have the computer?_

- Yes... _under our bed_... we haven't touched that in... _seven years already?_

- Yes... I guess tomorrow I'll start prepearing _the videos and hiring peple..._ The _Family_ is going _down..._

**Oh Fuck... Chaos fulfilled her promise and put them in the mix! I want to kill myself with a spoon...**

**MN:**** No, we'll solve it... Shh.. Sorry toots, I have to open the door, **_**someone's knocking. **_

**FN: **_**Yeah... I need chocolate...**_** and a bottle of scotch!**

**CH: Hello, any problems? **_**Why so serious, clowns**_**? I told you.. your daughter's **_**little dirty hands**_** out of my **_**innocent, pure, little baby boy**_**... or this story would end up so **_**twisted**_** that you would **_**never**_** end to tell it. **

_**Story Teller:**_** Dad, why is...**_**Oh my god!**_** REWIND IT! Did they just...? Oh fuck! **_**Chaos**_**! You fucking **_**bitch!**_** You fucking bitch...I am telling the Boss right now! You stepped over your **_**jursidition**_**. How dare you punish **_**my parents**_** because of **_**me**_**! This is on, bitch!**

**MN: Did she...just **_**stick up**_** for us? Oh, our **_**little baby**_** actually **_**cares**_**! I think I'm going to **_**cry.**_

**CH: You're gonna let **_**her**_** talk to **_**me**_** like **_**that**_**?!**

**FN: You messed with her**** once when you put those two over there... and now you did this! There's not much I can do at this point.**

**MN: Story Teller, you've been gone an hour...you left us with **_**her**_**! And...**_**why**_** is this **_**sissy**_** you call your '**_**boyfriend'**_** here?!**

**CH: You better not **_**hurt**_** my little Equilibrium, you **_**whore.**_

_**Equilibrium:**_** She hasn't, **_**chill out**_**, but mom **_**what**_** did you **_**do**_**? **

_**Destiny:**_** Yes, **_**sweetie**_**... what **_**did**_** you do? I heard **_**yelling**_**. What's going on...? **_**Oh Fuck!**_** Why dont I **_**remember**_** to give you the **_**pills**_**? **_**Oh fuck..**_

**CH: **_**You shut up!**_** I did what **_**had**_** to be done to protect **_**our little baby**_** from **_**that**_**.. that.. **_**whore**_**!**

**MN: **_**Dude**_**, don't let your wife abuse ya... **_**seriously.**_

**DN: Said by the **_**same guy**_** who lets his wife beat him with an **_**ashtray. **_**At least I don't get **_**stitches**_** every month...**

**MN: ****But you **_**do**_** get **_**your penis almost cut off**_** every now and then, dontcha, **_**Des?**_

**CH: I was just trying to protect you, **_**my little man**_**... you're **_**mommy's**_** little boy... **_**right**_**? **

**EQ: Mom... stop**_** embarrasing **_**yourself... it's **_**pathetic**_**. **

**DN: **_**Sweetie**_**... I dont know if you **_**noticed**_** but your "**_**little boy**_**" is a **_**grown up man... **_**why **_**the hell**_** did you do that? You know what's **_**gonna happen to us**_**..? Why I keep forgetting about **_**the pills...?**_

**ST: **_**Boss**_** is very **_**displeased**_** with you two, but I'm not the one who has to tell you of your punishment. **_**Equilibrium?**_

**EQ: **_**I can't believe this**_**...Mom...you and dad **_**messed**_** with a timeline creating **_**vastly new universes**_** in the **_**Garden**_**., Boss let you **_**do it,**_** didn't punish you **_**back then**_**, as you **_**promised**_** for them **_**not to mess**_** with the Family **_**further **_**and let them stay**_** silent**_**. But you made them **_**remember**_** about the**_** computer**_**. Boss has thus decided to **_**banish you to Earth**_**. **

**CH: **_**What?!**_** Who will do **_**our**_** job? **_**Nobody**_** can do **_**my**_** job! **

**EQ: **_**Me apparently...**_** but that's **_**not all...**_**you're to be banished until this story is **_**fixed**_**.**

**ST: Boss has **_**delegated**_** Equilibrium and I to fix **_**this**_**. We must intervene in **_**one**_** of the universes now created and **_**repair it**_**. And when we succeed, **_**Chaos**_**, you're going to be my **_**mother-in-law.**_** Because you see...Equilibrium and I are getting **_**married**_** after this **_**fiasco**_**. Take that! Just knew you were going **_**to do it**_**, and didn't attempt to **_**stop it**_**—what you didn't think I was just **_**restricted**_** to seeing moral futures did you**_**? I won everything here**_**: I'll get married, get rid of you, annoy **_**them**_** to no end... Yes I'm a **_**genius**_**, you **_**don't**_** have to say it. Equilibrium, **_**bring champagne**_**; I want to declare a **_**toast**_** to our **_**freedom**_**! Anyone else want to join? **_**Hey Chaos, why so serious?**_

**EQ: Sorry Mom and Dad, **_**but I agreed to this**_**. I want to marry Story Teller. **_**Dad**_**... that's why you **_**don't**_** forget to give mom **_**her pills**_**...she starts to have **_**hallucinations**_**... when you're back I'll find a **_**good psichiatrist**_**. Seriously**_**... I promise.**_

**ST: **_**Equi**_**, I'll never hurt you like my mom does my dad. **_**You can tell me anything.**_

**EQ: **_**Really?**_** I'm not to be an **_**abused man?!**_** That's **_**completely**__**new!**_

**ST: **_**Yeah**_**... I decided **_**not**_** to abuse you, **_**dear**_**.**

**EQ: **_**Hey Mom!**_** Leave my fiance alone...**_**and...**_

**MN: He's kissing my **_**baby**_**! They're making out! **_**Noooo!**_

**ST: Well, we're out of here to...**_**ahem**_**...**_**celebrate**_** before we have to report to our **_**new jobs**_** and **_**assignments**_**. Good luck **_**down there**_**, dear **_**Mommy-in-law..**_**. Sorry **_**she**_** dragged you along, Destiny, **_**you're a good guy**_**. I'll be happy to be your **_**Daughter-in-law**_**. Oh... I **_**have another bad new...**_

**CH: **_**What now?!**_

**ST: **_**Hearts**_** will be the first one **_**dying**_** of the **_**Royal Family**_**... **_**and she'll die at 68**_**. ****So... where does that leave **_**you**_**? **_**TADA**_**!**


	22. The Ones Up Here and The Ones Down There

**You didn't disappoint me. I'm so **_**proud**_** of you...A Little secret between you and me? The thing is... **

_**I wanted you to know**_**. I just... put the evidence **_**everywhere**_** for you to say it and have the **_**pleasure**_** of putting the complete family, in one room and you asking them **_**good questions.**_

**I talked to my husband's friend, and he accepted to help us. **

**And I say "**_**us**_**" Because I'm the one organizing the... let's call it "**_**party**_**" and my dear husband will be the one delivering your questions, opinions, random thoughts or whatever you want to tell the so called **_**"Royal Family". **_

**It will be **_**funny**_**... after all, you're talking about the **_**Muse of Comedy!  
**_**  
Also known as My Husband, Male Narrator... or Jack Napier... or **_**The Joker**_**. **

**I'm the **_**Muse of Drama**_**. Alicia Napier, Narvaez, Jeannie, **_**Hearts**_** or whatever you want to call **_**me**_**. **

**Our Neighbors... Those are **_**Destiny**_**, poor guy... Also known as the Moiras... or **_**Jonathan Crane**_**. **

**And his hellish ****wife... Chaos. Poor Guy. Chaos is **_**Harleen Quinzel...  
**_**  
Now, you must be wondering how they can be **_**down there**_**, and we can be **_**up here.**_** Well, the answer is **_**not**_** that simple. **

**Sometimes, when we, **_**Omniscient Beings**_** get bored... We decide to go down to Earth then... **_**and live among mortals**_**. Usually, those people who we end up being are not aware of their **_**true nature**_**, but always manage to **_**stand out from the crowd.  
**_**  
They **_**can't**_** avoid their nature: They are **_**geniuses**_**. In our case, **_**The Muses,**_** we're always **_**creative**_** people. We end up being writers, painters, actors, dancers... or we make a **_**drama**_** out of our own life. Or a **_**comedy**_**. **

_**Once we were Romeo and Juliet**_**... I find it sad... and my husband still laughs about it.**

**He **_**doesn't**_** find what happened to **_**Allie and Jack**_** funny. **_**Me neither**_**, I don't want to be down there... **_**living such a shitty life.**_

**I'm still in **_**amazed**_** at how **_**Hearts**_** can act **_**cold**_** to the Joker. Us, **_**The Muses**_**... **_**can't**__**keep our hands off each other. **_**And the same usually happens to our **_**mortal counterparts**_**. Jealousy, that's something that surprises me. If I ever see my husband near another woman... **_**she's a dead woman already**_**, no matter if she's an **_**omniscient being.**_

**But it **_**never**_** happened, and according to my little girl... **_**it will never happen**_**. **

**With **_**Allie and Jack**_**... it seemed we made a **_**drama**_**, a **_**comedy**_** and we did get **_**creative**_** in a **_**different way**_**. **

**There you have **_**Queen of Hearts**_** and **_**The Joker**_** if you don't believe me. **

**About Chaos and Destiny... before going down he writes for them to meet, **_**always**_**. But usually they end up in a **_**love/hate**_** relationship, and it seems always they manage to get into the **_**science field**_**, or simply **_**being rich powerful people.**_

**They can't appreciate the beauty of **_**normality...**_

**Okay, that **_**doesn't**_** make sense coming from **_**my mouth**_**, does it? **

_**Destiny once was Einstein.**_** And we're **_**still**_** hearing **_**that**_** from him. **_**Incessant rambling**_** about how **_**intelligent**_** he is... until his wife starts yelling for him to shut up and he closes his mouth, saying "**_**Sorry, sweetie**_**" "Yes shut it, you **_**cocky jerk**_**"... then, if he has the balls to say it... "**_**Insensitive bitch**_**..." and then... well, it doesn't happen always, usually **_**once every century**_**... but he's beaten to a point I **_**can't**_** describe. **

**When **_**that**_** happens we have to go and get him before his wife does... **_**irreparable damage she'll regret later**_**. If I see that... **_**knife**_** in her hands... **_**poor guy.**_

**I'll admit now that I can be... **_**violent**_**. But trying to cut my husband's **_**genitalia **_**is out of my reach. And it's **_**something**_** I would **_**regret**_** later. **

_**And I think she would too. **_

**She moans **_**really loud**_**... I can hear it from here. **

_**Everynight**_**. **

**And then she calls my child **_**"whore".**_** As far as I know, they role played as: well Harley and Crane, for some **_**twisted**_** reason, as the doctor and patient, two doctors... **_**I'm seeing a pattern here... **_

**But what **_**freaks me out**_** more is when she dresses up like **_**Hearts**_**, him as **_**Crane**_** and she starts yelling **

"_Good boy, Crane. C'mere jump in my lap jump, little chihuahua... now lick my shoes_".

**I didn't have the **_**misfortune**_** of actually **_**see**_** it... but both Equilibrium and Story Teller cried that night. **_**A lot**_**. Poor Equilibrium was hugging his girlfriend and saying**

"_Make it go away... make it go away... please?"_

**And she hugged him back on the couch saying:**

"_You're just listening, I'm seeing it. And they'll do Hearts and The Joker... later"_

**That's **_**sick**_** even for **_**me**_**... but I get the feeling she does it to annoy **_**me**_**.**

_**Poor Destiny**_**, he's a **_**good guy**_** all in all.**

_**And makes great barbecues too.**_

**Now I remember we were **_**supposed**_** to have a barbecue **_**next weekend**_**... and he's gone and I would **_**never**_** let my husband do it... I don't want to be calling the **_**firefighters**_**. **

_**Again**_**.**

**However, maybe **_**Equilibrium**_** could do it... if my husband would **_**stop**_** yelling at him, trying to beat him.... or most recently since they got engaged... **_**cry like a little girl **_**every time he sees his future **_**son-in law**_**. It's utterly **_**disgusting**_** seeing my husband cry like **_**that**_**.**

**And there's no way to **_**cheer him up**_**. I've tried to **_**kiss him**_**, I've tried to give him **_**lap dances**_**, I've tried **_**pole dance**_** and several**_**... other things**_**. **

**And things still **_**don't**_** work since **_**that**_** moment, **_**if you get my drift...**_

**This has **_**never**_** happened...and **_**unfortunately**_** us, Omniscient Beings...**_** can't get meds for it.**_** I'm desperate. Just a **_**little.**_

**Well**_**, completely desperate**_**, tell me what can I do now? **_**Uh?**_** I want to cry...**_**I need to cry.**_

**Just a moment.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Okay, I cried, he cried, **_**both of us cried**_**... now I'm feeling a **_**little better**_**. And he feels completely **_**humiliated**_**. Sorry Male... but it's truth... **_**unfortunately.**_

_**I got off track.**_

**But, at some point, in a parallel universe, we always **_**die young**_**. We don't like to be down there **_**too much**_**, so we **_**orchestrate**_** our own **_**deaths**_**. **

**Back then, when Allie and Jack died, we came back. What's left down there is just a **_**reminiscence**_** of us. They're only left the **_**high IQ and the creativity**_**, not the power of **_**saying**_** something and make it **_**truth**_** at some point. **

**That's exactly **_**why**_** Harley's words were so **_**effective**_**. It was **_**Chaos**_** talking there, she was **_**stating**_** something and if **_**Chaos**_** says something **_**will**_** happen.... **_**it will happen**_**. Most **_**likely**_** in the most **_**twisted**_** way possible. **

_**Poor chose of words.**_

**Then, in one parallel universe Harley got so **_**depressive**_** that she **_**committed suicide**_**. That's when **_**she**_** came back **_**up here**_**. **

**And about **_**Destiny**_**... he came back up here a **_**couple of years later**_**... when he was **_**killed**_**. I won't tell you **_**who**_** killed him... it would ruin the story. **

**You might notice that the nice neighbors... **_**took vacations**_** when the **_**"Guards' Fiasco"**_** started. Well... that means both of them, as a **_**punishment**_**.... get to be **_**Harleen Quinzel and Jonathan Crane.**_

_**Again.**_

**It will be **_**funny**_** to see those two starting to act **_**erratic**_**... I can assure you they will be **_**longing for each other**_** once in a while and they won't know **_**what is it**_**... and they'll have to **_**put up**_** with being Hearts' and The Joker's **_**(technically our!)**_** lapdogs. **

_**Anyway....**_** it's a little **_**disturbing**_** seeing... that **_**woman's hands**_** on what would be **_**my husband.**_** But then I remember: **_**technically**_**, they are not the same people, The Joker doesn't even **_**look**_** like my husband... **_**well neither of us actually look like the ones down there.  
**_**  
**_**Except Destiny**_**. He ... does look like **_**Crane**_**. If he had **_**white hair**_** and **_**black eyes.  
**_**  
We don't **_**look**_** like normal human beings... well, **_**not that much**_**. **

_**Now...**_** does it surprise you that my husband is "**_**The Joker's Fan**_**"? I'm **_**not**_** surprised... he will praise him, or **_**himself**_** every time he gets the **_**opportunity**_**. **

**I'm not playing favorites with **_**Hearts/Allie**_**, **_**right?**_

**But the neighbors **_**down there**_**.... they will be **_**miserable**_**. Okay, they'll have too **_**much power**_** without knowing... but at this point Crane and Harley are so **_**brainwashed**_** I don't think they could do something **_**really big...**_** they would never say a word against their **_**spouses.**_

**Still I'm worried that **_**Crane**_** will say so much that **_**Hearts loves him**_**... that it will end up **_**happening**_** at some point. **

**About Harley saying the **_**same**_**, I'm not **_**that**_** preoccupied. Simply because, being **_**Chaos**_**... if she says something it will happen in the most **_**twisted**_** way possible... or happen in a **_**different way. **_

**Destiny is just as **_**dangerous too**_**. He says and it's done. **_**Period**_**. It only needs for him to **_**really mean it**_**... and it's as if he's got his blood pen in his hand. **_**Just the same.  
**_**  
**_**I think I'll make popcorn for this film, if you don't mind.**_

**Enough of my rambling: **_**You won the bet.**_

**So, send your questions to the Family Members, your opinions... you can even **_**mock**_** at them, tell them the **_**truth**_** to see how they react... **_**anything.**_

_**Story Teller**_** tells me there's a huge possibility of **_**drama, comedy, maybe them trying to kill each other.**_

_**And they'll forget the following day**_**. Am I not **_**great**_**? Yes, **_**I am**_**, you **_**don't**_** have to say it.**

**By the way, don't hate **_**me**_** because of **_**Hearts**_**. Not **_**my**_** fault she's a **_**bitch**_**.**

**  
I can **_**assure**_** you it will be **_**funny!**_** If my husband is in it... **_**it will be funny.**_

**What else can you expect from a guy who calls himself **_**the Joker?**_

**Oh... **_**and about the Guards**_**... my daughter is trying to figure it out. She and her boyfriend **_**just started to tell it**_**. They will be making **_**progress**_** once **_**Male**_** stops **_**crying and sobbing**_** that his **_**little baby girl**_** is getting **_**married**_**. **

**I don't think I'll beat him **_**today**_**... maybe he needs a **_**little bit of love**_** and he'll be **_**fine**_**... or just **_**time**_** to get used to the **_**idea**_** of his **_**daughter getting married**_**? **

**I hope so or I'll go crazy **_**(or crazier)**_

**I want the **_**funny guy**_** he's **_**always**_** been **_**back again!**_

_**Please...? **_


	23. Nightmares

_**Hello?**_** Yes it's working. Hi, I'm **_**Equilibrium**_**. Not that used to narrating, not **_**my**_** job... but then again thanks to my **_**psychotic mother**_** I have to learn to do this... and I also have to take over **_**their**_** jobs. Great. **_**Three jobs**_**. I have to: maintain order, which is my **_**main purpose**_**, then **_**write**_** human's beings lives... and then I have to **_**mess it up**_**. I have to be Myself, Destiny and Chaos... **_**everything at the same time.**_****

_**Great.**_****

And because _**Daddy**_** forgot to give **_**Mommy**_** her **_**pills**_** (which only raises my suspicions that every psychiatrist is **_**crazy**_**)**

... I also have to _**learn to narrate.**_****

That's _**four**_** jobs now that I think about it.**

But everything has its _**bright side**_**... picture me **_**smiling from ear to ear,**__**whoever you are! **_**I am getting **_**married**_**!**

Between you and me... the little _**"shy act"**_** was exactly that. **_**An act**_**. **

_**Story Teller, I love you baby!**_** You make me feel **_**soooo gooood**_**, love the **_**lap dances;**_** I love them and **_**I love you even more!  
**_**  
By the way, **_**I have four jobs**_**... and you know I'll get **_**stressed**_**... at night would you help me to **_**relax a little**_**? Maybe **_**two or three times per day**_**? You could **_**sit in my lap**_** while I write...**

Anyway. _**I got off track.**_****

_**No, no I didn't!**_** I'm really excited!**

Let me tell you about this! We moved out _**together**_**!**

_**Freedom**_**! Sweet, sweet **_**freedom**_**!**

ST: Sweetie, you're supposed to be _**learning to narrate**_**, not talking about our **_**private lives...**_****

EQ: Ok... I want a _**reward**_** at home for this. No. **_**One for every dramatic scene.**_** And you sitting in my lap... I want to see your **_**daddy's face!  
**_**  
ST: You're risking being **_**beaten**_** just for me sitting in your lap?**

EQ: Yes, _**anything for you.**_** C'mon...I've been acting shy this whole time. **_**Two centuries! **_**Your parents are going to find out sometime I'm not **_**who I seem..**_**.and I'd rather it **_**not**_** be when your dad walks in on us while **_**you're helping me with my stress**_**... and I know I'll end up **_**stressed**_** after this.**

ST: _**Okay,**_** I'll sit in your lap...**_**How's this?**_****

EQ: I think _**this**_** will look so much better**

ST: Sweetie.. _**hehe**_**.. stop kissing my neck! And let me breath just a...**

EQ: _**You don't need to breathe!**_****

_Nezzy Rat apologizes for any inconvenience... Equilibrium is making out with Story Teller and from the looks of it they wont stop any time soon._

Technical problems. Not the Crane kind.

.

.

.

There. we're back.****

EQ: There that's_** better**_**. You know everyone knows what our parents look like, but not us...**_**shame**_**...I'll tell them, starting with you, **_**my siren of words.**_****

_Nezzie Rat apologizes again for the upcoming fluff and nonsense of oh-so in love Equilibrium. _

_Did you know I hate romantic shit? I do._****

_**You still listening everyone?**_** Skin, the **_**palest rose**_**...so soft. Long, luscious, silky **_**violet hair**_**. Eyes, the purest ivory, **_**white**_**. She's my dainty **_**little siren**_**...the most beautiful being I have seen **_**on Earth and back**_**. And her body is to **_**die**_** for. She definitely takes after her mother, with **_**curves**_**. I love being cuddled into her chest. If her **_**mother's**_** anywhere as seductive **_**as her**_**, no wonder **_**Male Narrator likes getting beat**_**...I wouldn't mind it so long as I could have her for all eternity and beyond. Mmmm, **_**she smells so nice.**_****

I'm the _**most handsome man**_** to ever walk earth... or at least that's what **_**she**_** tells me... but I wouldn't trade you for **_**any other woman**_**... or **_**three thousand women**_**...and you taste so sweet too, **_**like a candy...**_****

ST: _**He he...Stop biting my neck**_**...you're supposed to be **_**narrating**_**. You need to learn to do this. I promise, **_**I'll reward you later.**_****

EQ: Fine... I'll bite _**somewhere**__**else**_** later then.**

ST: Okay, _**narrate**_**, then my **_**deity of harmony**_**...Let's get this **_**torture**_** started...haha...  
**_**  
**__Thank you very much, if not I'll never stop typing how much you love each other! Please stop eating in front of the famished. After that I need to throw up. If I keep working around you I'll get __hypoglycemic._****

EQ: _**Ok... **_**there you have... the so called **_**"Royal Family of Crime"**_** ... **_**let me roll my eyes**_**... there. Bunch of**_** stupid psychos... **_**do I **_**really**_** need to describe them?**

ST: _**Just their clothes...**_** or what they're doing. Everybody knows what they look like.**

EQ: Ok... _**so I'll start from the Joker**_**. What's up with everyone's **_**fascination**_** with **_**him**_**? Anyway... he's in his **_**pajamas**_**, which are as **_**ridiculous**_** as him... seriously, who wears **_**boxers full of smileys with a green t-shirt**_**? Oh and he's without his make up but anyway, he's a **_**clown**_** and he will **_**always**_** be one. What else would you expect from a clown? **_**Am I doing well, my little siren of words?  
**_**  
ST: It's your **_**not that subtle way**_** of picking on **_**my dad**_**... but yeah,**_** you're doing ok.**_****

EQ: I believe you know, _**me and your dad don't get along**_**...and y**_**ou pick on my mom. **_**The both of them have something against the other's kid being involved with theirs...but anyway, **_**I'll continue.**_****

_**Hearts...**_** I don't have anything against her, **_**but she's a bitch**_**. We all know **_**that**_**. Nothing against my **_**future mother-in-law**_**, but that's the truth: she's a **_**bitch**_** and if you buy a **_**dictionary**_** where **_**we**_** live, you have **_**her picture**_** right next to the word **_**"bitch"**_** . She's wearing **_**white shorts**_** and an over-sized shirt... which happens to be the **_**Joker's shirt**_**. A blue one he never uses. He doesn't know, but she **_**stole**_** one for those moments when she feels "**_**depressed**_**". A little **_**pathetic**_** if you ask **_**me**_**.**

But then again The Joker is just as pathetic as her... _**still having her dresses in his wardrobe.  
**_**  
**_Nezzy Rat completely agrees with that. I've been watching them... a lot since I'm being __haunted__ by Male and Femme Narrator. Who are dragging me into this... I'm supposed to be sleeping right now. But they decided to go for this __Freak-Show._****

ST: And how about Harley and Crane, the _**poor souls**_** who have to house your parents. Well, I pity **_**your father**_**. Jonathan is so **_**lame**_**, your father **_**kicks ass.**_** And Harley**_**...Ha ha**_**...your **_**mother's**_** stuck in **_**her**_**! I want to see what chaos this will breed if she ever gets **_**so pissed**_** she attempts being **_**prophetic**_** again.**

EQ: Ok.._** Dad**_**.. I mean **_**Crane**_**. They look **_**too much alike**_**!... I'll end up **_**traumatized**_**... **_**ahem**_**... he's wearing the orange jumpsuit they give them at **_**Arkham**_**... my **_**poor dad**_** being in **_**there**_**, seriously. **_**I mean**_**... being **_**Hearts' bitch**_** doesn't look that **_**nice**_** in your record, **_**Dad**_**... Story Teller remember me **_**not to mess up badly**_** with something and end **_**that way.**_****

ST: It hasn't happened _**yet**_** in our lives when we've dabbled with **_**Earth life.**__**Shhh,**_** it'll be alright. **_**You won't.**_****

EQ: _**Just remember me once in a while**_**... and there you have my**_** psychotic mother**_** locked up in **_**Harley's body**_**. She deserves it, I **_**won't**_** deny it. Maybe after she's back she'll start behaving like a **_**sane person**_**... **_**with good**__**treatment**_** and **_**medication**_**. Anyway...she's wearing an over-sized white t-shirt. And a white thong. **_**That's all...**_** and when I mean **_**"that's all"**_** I mean exactly **_**that**_**... this will make things a little **_**complicated**_**. Oh, **_**my eyes**_**! I don't wanna see **_**my mom almost naked...**_** but it's not like I have a choice. I would ask **_**Hearts for her spoon**_**, but it's **_**useless... **_****

Oh… they're all sleeping. _**Forgot that detail.**_****

ST: So let this show begin. _**Take it away, Dad! We're done!**_****

EQ: My future father-in-law, also known as Male Narrator, Muse of Comedy_**, the sissy who gets beaten by his wife with an ashtray**_** walks in... wearing the **_**Joker's **_**clothes... but his "**_**Jack**_**" face. Meaning no scars, no green hair, looking like his younger self... **_**back then when he met Allie.**_****

-Wake up, you bunch of psychos, it's _SHOW TIME!-_ Male Narrator shouts, in the middle of the darkness.****

The family just hears him, not able to see him. All they can see is darkness and each other.

ST: And...they all startle awake. Awww, look at them...I don't think I've ever seen Joker or Hearts a little scared. Yeah, they've awakened in a strange place, sitting in chairs. All they can see is each other in the four spotlights. All else is dark at the moment. _**Oh, they're talking...**_

- Hey... am I having _that dream_ again? The one where we make _the_ _superfanstic trio_? - The Joker asks Hearts, who's sitting next to him. He displays a lecherous grin when he sees Harley and Hearts in their "pajamas"- ...because _Birdie_ shouldn't be _here_...

- I rather _not_ hear about your dreams... _dear brother...-_ Hearts answers annoyed- and if you're the one _dreaming_ why the hell am I- she starts touching her face- .. very aware of what it's happening? Maybe this is _my dream_- she resolves- but Harley's eyes should be _out_...- she tells him in his ear - and I think I have _my own version of your dream with Jon here.  
_  
**EQ: Yeah, Hearts is a **_**perv**_** too. This applies to **_**everyone**_**, not only **_**the Bitch.**_** You never, **_**ever**_** get to know a person completely. At least if you're not one of us, and you're **_**not**_**. Besides... what do you expect from **_**her**_**? **_**Haha!**_** Do you really think that because she acts **_**oh so serious and cold**_** most of the time she isn't a **_**perv**_**? Of course she's a perv and she's been thinking... **_**a lot**_** about her two husbands. **

**I think hers and the Joker's subconscious are the **_**dirtiest**_** places. **_**Ever.**_****

Thinking it's her own dream.. she's _**loosening up a little bit**_** I'd say... yeah. She hugs the Joker and puts her head in his shoulder. Not like he would complain. He only smiles wider.  
**  
- _You're a pervert_- he tells her mockingly in her ear- _you know that?_

- I learned from the _biggest perv on earth_- she answers kissing briefly his neck.

**Muses:**** They **_**cant**_** keep their hands off each other. **_**It's a fact**_**. They almost look **_**cute**_**... I think those were **_**Jack and Allie.**_** Baby?**

ST: Yes, those _**are**_** Jack and Allie... because I know **_**my own parents**_**... and those are **_**my parents**_** in some **_**twisted**_** way... **_**hand me the popcorn.**_****

EQ: _**Here you go.**_** Uh... I think Crane is freaking out at the display of **_**not-so-brotherly**_** affection over there. And Harley is getting **_**paler... and paler... yeah.**_**  
**  
- _My Queen_...- Crane starts, his eyes widened, scared. Hearts looks at him amused, still thinking it's her dream. She smirks blowing a kiss to him- Did you just say _that_... you are... _infatuated_ with your own _brother_?- he continues stammering. She starts laughing and The Joker pulls her closer, starting to touch her leg.

**EQ: **_**Oh Dad...**_** you look **_**pathetic**_**. Crane is officially **_**horrified**_**, let it be known! and I think **_**Mommy**_**... ahem... **_**Harley**_** is even more scared than **_**him**_**, sobbing and hugging her legs muttering **_**"not... real... just... a nightmare"**_****

I don't know who looks _**more pathetic**_**. **_**Baby?**_****

ST: _**Harley**_**, definitely.  
**  
-Ok, this is _my nightmare!-_ Crane shouts to nobody in particular, and the Joker starts laughing- _I want out!_ - he stands up and yells louder while The Joker starts kissing Hearts' neck, while she giggles. Harley is still in a fetal position, crying and sobbing- someone _slap me hard_ and wake me up!- he keeps yelling.

**Harley lifts her head and smirks **_**maliciously...**_****

And now _**Crane**_** is the one looking **_**pathetic**_**. What do you think, baby?**

ST: The odds are _**ninety-eight percent**_** of her trying to **_**"wake him up" **_**by **_**punching him**_**. The other two percent is **_**kicking**_** him. We'll need more **_**popcorn**_** definitely.  
**  
- _Now!_ I don't want to be anywhere close to _that bitch_...- he sighs,sitting in his chair again. He resolved it's useless to shout in this so called _"nightmare"._

- Did you just call me _bitch_, Jon?- Hearts asks him amused, and the Joker laughs harder- Hey, in my dreams he _actually_ has _balls_ to call me _that_!- she laughs- I like it... _a lot_- she smiles wider, sitting in the Joker's lap- I just need a _spoon_...- she says in a dream-like tone- and Harley's eyes like _earrings_ and this is _the best dream!-_ she shouts excited- _Ever!  
_  
-I wasn't talking about _you_, My Queen...- he answers, still looking at the Joker and Hearts... who decided to start making out- This _nightmare_ is just getting _worse_- he takes a deep breath, putting his face in his hands- _isn't it?_

-I think we can make it _even worse!_

**And the **_**ridiculous clown **_**starts playing with Hearts panties, who just goes ahead and calls Crane to come over with her finger, **_**grinning wider...**_

**Oh great. If **_**daddy-in-law**_** doesn't step in **_**soon**_**, they'll go ahead and **_**have sex right there**_**. Harley starts **_**sobbing harder**_** and Hearts starts **_**laughing louder.**_**  
**  
_Nezzy Rat states that she doesn't like these moments. I really don't... Male Narrator, please let me go back to bed and get some sleep? Find someone else, I quit!  
_  
**EQ: **_**Hehe**_**... that's the **_**witness**_** complaining, isn't it? **_**Nezzy Rat**_** ... that's a **_**ridiculous**_** name!**

ST: Yes, that's the _**so called witness...**_** she won't quit, she's just talking **_**bullshit. **_**She actually **_**likes**_** it and **_**laughs her ass**_** off at these situations. And her name it's ridiculous, **_**you're right**_**. Actually, **_**her name is...**_**  
**  
_Nezzy Rat wants to say to the purple haired bitch to shut her mouth. Now. And please stop playing with Equilibrium's belt!_

-_You got it all wrong!-_ Harley shouts standing up, crying harder- this is _my nightmare_... ok... I know this _isn't real_- she cries, shaking and pointing at Hearts who's starting lose her breath along with The Joker laughing so much- it's freaks me out thinking that you... _red little midget_- she continues- are sleeping with _my husband_ at least _once a month_... which makes me _remember_ I'm _at Ivy's_ and you both are _alone_ at the _warehouse_...- she muses to herself- No, you're just _siblings_ and this is my _recurrent nightmare_!- she shouts desperate- ...she's a little _traumatized_ girl... _just that_- she takes a deep breath trying to calm down. Crane is looking at her smugly... deep down he knows she hates him.. and he hates her back- _And Crane I hate you back_- she stands up, towering over him smiling from ear to ear, in a sugary yet false tone- let me help you _to wake up_- she starts punching him madly- you _fucking son of a bitch!  
_  
**Well... that looks **_**exactly**_** like when **_**Mom**_** gets mad at being called **_**bitch**_**. If she goes for **_**his balls**_**, that's my **_**Mom**_** and **_**not Harley**_**... although they may be sharing the **_**same feelings. **_****

_**And well...**_**Crane tries to defend himself... **_**oh my**_**, he **_**is**_** a **_**sissy**_**... he grabs her by her hair and starts trying to kick her. But she still has the **_**upper hand...**_****

The so called _**siblings**_** also known as **_**Joker and Hearts**_** point at them and start laughing.**

**At least they stopped their perv acts... and now are shouting **_**"fight, fight, fight!"  
**_**  
**_**Uh-oh**_**. Ehh... **_**yes that's my mom**_**. Harley dumped him in the floor and is about to **_**crash his penis with her feet**_**. Ouch... **_**no**_**, I don't want to see**_** that**_**...**

_Nezzy Rat would like to point out that they didn't even start with the questions and they're already killing each other. This will get worse, right? Doesn't take a genius... _

_**The witness**_** is getting **_**annoying**_**, sweetie...**

ST: Let her be... _**You, Girly, Shut Up!**_

_Bitch..._

_**There.**_** She's been **_**always**__**annoying**_** and probably going to keep being **_**annoying**_** for the rest of her life. **_**Poor guy, her future husband... and her kids.**_

_Thank you very much, you spoiled my own life __Spirit of Christmas Future! __I didn't want to know I would get married, bitch!_

**ST: **_**LGV!**_** That's your future husband's initials! **

_Which one of the three of them...?_

**ST: Try to find out if it's one of the ones you **_**already know**_** or one you'll get to **_**know!**_** That's what happens when all **_**your boyfriends**_** have the **_**same initials**_**, **_**OCD bitch!**_

_I dont have OCD...Really I don't... it's just... coincidence that all the guys I dated have for initials LGV... or a variation of it..._

**  
EQ: Stop torturing that girl **_**further**_**... really. **_**Whatever**_**. I think Hearts didn't like that. She stands up and grabs Harley by her hair before she **_**destroys**_** any possibility of her **_**having fun**_** with her **_**lapdog.  
**_**  
Well, **_**there you have it:**_** Harley is **_**officially**_** behaving like **_**she should**_**. She just punched Hearts in the face, **_**really hard I might add**_**... and the Joker didn't like it. **_**Not one bit.**_** He grabbed Harley before she kills Hearts with her own hands... **_**as she should have done long time ago.  
**_  
-Hold her still, Jay, _hold her still_- Hearts tells the Joker wiping the blood out of her face with her hand.

_**Ridiculous Clown,**_** AKA **_**the Joker**_** is still holding Harley while she kicks and cries harder. Hearts kicks her stomach...**_**ouch**_**. Really hard. **_**Bitch**_**. And now she's slapping her across the face**_**.. uno... dos...tres... **_**there. She stopped.**

**Then she kneels at Crane's side and lifts his head, while he tries to stand up and puts his head in her chest tiredly. The Joker rolls his eyes annoyed, dragging Harley away and placing her in his lap. She just hugs him tightly and cries in his arms repeating **_**over and over again**_** that **_**she loves him**_**.  
**  
-Jon, what's _wrong_ with you?- Hearts asks suddenly confusedly caressing his hair- isn't she your _friend?  
_  
**He looks up at her, analyzing Hearts' face while she wipes the blood out of his face lovingly.**

He realizes something is _**amiss**_**: If this was a dream, a **_**nightmare...**_** he shouldn't be **_**bleeding**_**. Her touch wouldn't feel **_**so real**_**, the punches either. He can actually hear her **_**heartbeat.**_****

It's not a dream. Not a nightmare. _**It's real.  
**_  
-_Wait a minute_- he tells Hearts- This is not a dream, _For any of us._

-Why do you say that?- Hearts asks him

-Your _heartbeat._ I can actually hear it and I've never heard it before in a _dream_- he states, looking up at her, confused- and her punches... _I actually felt it_. Did you feel it?—Hearts nods starting to think about it- Joker... _did you_... feel your _sister's_...

**He doesn't want to say **_**"your sister kissing you, your sister in your lap... you making out with my wife". **_**I don't blame him, poor guy...**

-..._skin? _

-_Yeah?-_ the Joker says confused

-_Harley?-_ Crane keeps asking- Did you feel _my kicks?  
_  
- I..I. _did feel them._

**I think **_**someone**_** just realized she screwed up her **_**little story**_**! Hearts tries to make him forget the **_**not-so-brotherly**_** affection she displayed with the Joker, kissing him briefly in the lips and hugging him.  
**  
- You're really cold...- she smiles nervously- _...sweetie.  
_  
- _Don't worry_- he states icily

- We were kidnapped?- Harley shouts desperate- _We were kidnapped?!_

- Obviously _yes_, Harley, we _were_ kidnapped!- the Joker slaps her, starting to get desperate himself- stop stating the _obvious_ and let's start trying to get the _hell out of here!  
_  
-No, you _won't!_ Welcome to _"Liars at Large, The Royal Family of Crime"!-_ Male narrator appears in front of them, the TV studio lights tuning on. He smiles widely to them and faces a camera, several monitors behind him reflecting his grin

**EQ: OK, there... Daddy in law just stepped into scene... **_**and they can see him.**_** The whole studio is illuminated right now.**

_**Haha...**_** It's a **_**Talk Show!**_** You have the red couches, the big billboard that says: **_**"Criminals at Large" **_**scratched and replaced by **_**"Liars at Large" **_**... and the Royal Family just went pale.**

Hearts just pulls her _**puppy**_**... I mean **_**Crane**_** closer to her. When a woman that **_**barely**_** reaches 5 feet is protecting **_**you**_**, you're officially **_**lame**_**. **

_**Oh Dad...**_** I can't believe it.**

_**Silence**_**. Daddy in law just taps his feet in the floor, smiling down at them. Harley is looking at male **_**mesmerized**_**. I think this is the first time she's ever seen the **_**Joker without his scars.**_****

And The Joker... is _**not**_** amused, not at all. He dumps Harley to the floor roughly, and runs to start a fight with Male... who disappears **_**in thin air,**_** reappearing in **_**his back.**_**  
**  
-Hey, _Jackie_!- Male tells the Joker mockingly- don't be so _nervous_, would you?

-_Jay..._ – Hearts whispers, terrified, still looking at Male. Her eyes are unblinking, wide open- ...we weren't having _hallucinations_ last night, _then? _

- Or we're _still_ having one- he answers- But this is worse... _much worse!  
_  
- This is _your_ fault, do you realize the _trouble_ we're in _now_?!- she shouts at him completely angry, starting to cry- We're getting _schizophrenic_ because _you_...

-Hey, _both of you!_ Stop it with that_, would you_?- Male tells them rolling his eyes and petting the Joker's head mockingly- I told ya already that you can't live _without each other..._ – he says in a mock sugary tone- _"can't live, keep living without you....!-_ he starts singing loudly, in a sarcastic tone- _... can't live, can't live anymoreeeeeee!"_

**EQ: This, people, is becoming predictable. They decided to go for this **_**"we are ignoring you"**_** routine. **

-Do you _hear_ something, _Jay_?- Hearts asks him nonplused.

-A _mosquito_- he answers nervous, trying not to look at Male.

-That's _right_- she answers glancing at Male, who decided to put his face just next to Hearts'

-Which looks too much _like me_ before the _incident_...- the Joker says watching Hearts' face, who's still in shock.

**Male slaps Hearts head softly, like the Joker usually does. She just stays there, her eyes still watering.  
**  
-_Jack._..what the hell is going on with _us_...?- She asks after a while, her voice completely emotionless- did we choose _the same time_ to get _schizophrenic?_

_**Oh, C'mon Crane!**_** She just cheated on you in front of your face, and you'll try to make **_**her feel better?**_****

That's what I call a _**loyal lapdog.**_

-My Queen, stop crying...- he says wiping her tears, while she stays frozen- _it's ok_-he holds her face trying to wake her up. Her eyes stay unfocused, unblinking. He sighs and places her in his chest, petting her head- _breath..._

**ST: **_**Uh-Oh.**_** Yeah... that's **_**Jack**_**. He's been watching and trying **_**not**_** to kill Crane... who's touching **_**his **_**wife. **_**The Joker**_** wouldn't mind **_**that much**_**... but if it's **_**Jack...**_** he's capable of **_**killing**_** him in the spot just for **_**that**_**.**

He made a _**bad attempt**_** trying to mend **_**the past**_**. Seriously... The Joker **_**is**_** a **_**psycho**_**, won't deny **_**that**_**. He's a **_**mass murdering clown**_** and he **_**loves it**_**. But... at least he's cold when it comes to these things...**

Jack... he was _**another kind of psycho**_**. The kind of**

"I'll _stalk_ you until _you love me..._ I fell in _love_ _with you_ because you think _I'm funny_...I _can't_ live without you... I'll _kill_ any guy who _makes you cry_... you're _mine_, whoever gets _close_ to you and looks at you the _wrong_ way is already _dead_... I'll go ahead and and _poison him,_ making it look like an _accident_. And I won't _stop_ until I _do so_... and if I have to kill people for you, I'll do it. _Gladly_. I'm a _little_ jealous, _overprotective_ and down right _possesive_, don't you think?" ****

I think that summarizes _**Jack Napier.  
**_**  
Now: **_**Mix it with the Joker**_**. Mass murdering clown with zero empathy plus a jealous freak capable of doing the impossible for his wife = **_**An even more dangerous Joker.  
**_**  
And there you have your **_**new**_** and **_**updated**_** version of the Joker.  
**  
-You keep your hands _out of her!-_

**And **_**Joker Napier**_** (I decided to **_**re-name**_** him) pulls away **_**Allie**_** (even if that's Hearts... in his mind it's **_**Allie**_**) and starts kicking **_**senseless**_** Crane, laughing bitterly while Hearts **_**tries**_** to stop him.**

_**Tries**_**. Do you think that **_**almost midget**_** could stop a tall and strong man from doing whatever he wants, especially when he's getting **_**crazier and crazier**_**?**

_**Nah.**_****

But I think my Dad _**can do it**_**. He simply pulls Crane away and without much effort sits him back in his chair. Before **_**Joker Napier**_** could do anything else, he reappears at his back and pulls him away, **_**making him sit in his chair**_**.**

Ehh... I think now not only Hearts is having a _**nervous breakdown**_**. Joker Napier is in the same state...**

He pulls "_**Allie**_**" in his lap and starts **_**crying and sobbing**_**, hugging her tightly and muttering for her **_**please**_** not to cheat on him.**

That's _**allll**_** Jack Napier. **_**Mood swings.**_** He goes from laugher to cries in less **_**than a second.**_**  
**  
- What is this, you wanna _torture_ me further, _you son of a bitch?!-_ he yells at Male.

- Nah, you did that _yourself_- Male pats his back, with a sympathetic tone-

**EQ: Ok, I'll take it from here. Harley... she's just looking at the whole **_**surrealistic**_** scene completely shocked, also crying.**

My daddy-in-law...well, he kneels at her level, trying to catch her attention 

-_Hey..._ – he says waving a hand in front of her- you're looking pale, _dear_- he continues. She looks at him still not believing her own eyes: The Joker without any scars- _Take a glass of water_- Male makes a glass of water appear and handles it to her. She smiles nervously and drinks it -_There ya go._

**Daddy-in-law stands in the middle of them.**

_**Joker Napier**_** is hugging "**_**Allie**_**" tightly while crying... Hearts is still in **_**shock**_**, sitting in the Joker's lap... Harley also is in shock, with the glass of water in her hands, still looking **_**mesmerized**_** at Male, and Crane is almost **_**unconscious**_** in his chair, trying to catch his breath. He's been beaten by **_**Harley**_**... then **_**the Joker.**_** I'm sure that did hurt. **_**A lot.**_****

If you ask me... _**they're a pathetic bunch of psychos.**_**  
**  
-Now, everybody _shut up_- Male looks at them, smiling.

-_Who are you?-_ Harley asks him, her voice numb

- My name is _Comedy_- He answers cheerfully- and this is _"Liars at Large: The Royal Family of Crime!"_ – he says facing the camera, while several monitors behind him reproduce his smile- The Royal Family will answer _your_ questions!

- _Excuse me?-_ Crane asks pathetically, still trying to clean the blood off his face.

-_My wife_ lost a bet on _purpose_ to do this _thingy_...- Male answers him boredly- Answer the questions and _you're free to go_- he tells him offering a glass of water- Don't worry, you'll forget _everything_ afterwards... – all of them look confused at Male, the screens behind them showing their confused faces- this is a dream, or nightmare if you wanna know. _So no damage done_. You want to _kill_ each other? _Do it!..._ but you'll wake up _dead from a stroke_. You wont wake up until you answer _alllll_ the questions!

-We can leave if we answers these... _"questions"?- _Joker Napier asks him hesitating, making the quotation marks in the air.

-Yeah...

- Ok... if this is a nightmare..- Harley asks- why do we feel pain_ so real?_

- Because it _is_ a nightmare and it's _not_ a nightmare. Your bodies are sleeping somewhere else... _but your mind makes it real._

- So... _No damage done_?- Hearts asks, suddenly curious- You mean I can do _anything_ I want here? If I actually_ kill_ Harley she ends up_ dead?_

-_Yes, that's the idea! _

-So, this _is_ real_ after all. _- Crane rationalizes- it has real concequences...

- Wanna met my wife _Drama_?- He asks them grinning maliciously- Don't know why am I asking! _Sweeeetie!_

**And there you have **_**Mommy-in-Law**_**... she just decided to go ahead and appear as **_**Allie**_**... wearing the **_**white dress**_** Allie did when she got **_**married**_**, her hair loose and slightly curled. Just a simple **_**white dress**_**... but the image for the Joker is quite **_**powerful.**_****

Joker Napier looks away, not _**wanting**_** to **_**remember**_** that particular day. I guess too much has changed **_**since then**_**... and definitely **_**not**_** for the better.  
**  
-That's the white dress _my_ _Puddin'_ keeps in his wardrobe?!- Harley asks, suddenly realizing it's a _wedding dress_. And the person who's wearing it... that's _not_ funny. Not for her after all.

**Hearts starts laughing nervously, starting to tremble.**

-No, he destroyed _that one_ yesterday, he got a little _depressed_... and decided to destroy _Allie's dress_- Femme sighs, with mocking sadness- You _shouldn't_ have done _that_... what are you're going to do during your _depressive states_ now?- she asks the Joker, who still refuses to look at her- Well, you could grab the _purple one_...- she muses to herself

**Then she claps her hands and her dress **_**morphs**_** to the **_**purple one**_**, her hair pulling in a ponytail, looking **_**exactly**_** like Allie the first time he saw her. He still looks away.  
**  
- _"Do you have a lighter, mine doesn't work anymore_"- she whispers in his ear, her voice exactly like Allie's back then. He looks down trying to catch his breath- Seriously... it's pretty _lame_ to hug her dresses when you get _depressive_- she tells him matter-of-factly-

-_I don't hug my wife's dresses when I'm depressive!-_ he shouts at her.

**And an **_**annoying**_** sound starts piercing his ears... **_**the lie detector. **_****

The Joker grabs both sides of his head, trying to muffle the sound. Useless, it's _**inside his head**_** and it won't stop until **_**he tells the truth.**_****

For the others the sound is annoying but not down right _**painful**_**.**

_**Haha!**_** He blew up his alibi **_**really fast**_**! Hearts just slaps her forehead and curses loudly.**

Harley throws the glass of water at Hearts, which crashes against her head. She starts to bleed. Harley starts laughing hard while crying desperate, _**hysteric.**_****

Crane went _**catatonic.**_**  
**  
-Haha_! Open mouth insert foot_, stupid!- Male starts laughing at him-

-I'll kill that bitch, _kill her!-_ Harley laughs maniacally approaching Hearts, who jumps from the Joker's lap and hides behind him.

-No, Harls, _wait!-_ The Joker shouts, trying to hear himself over the lies detector- I meant _your dresses_...- the lies detector starts to sound louder- what the hell is _that?!_

-_Lies detector_- Femme answers, smiling from ear to ear- _Try_ to lie and it will _pierce_ your ears until you say the _truth!_

-Yes, she's my wife!- he shouts desperate- _Stop that shit!  
_  
**And there. **_**It stopped**_**. He looks relieved... and Hearts is **_**running away**_** from Harley around the studio, desperate and scared. No way she can do anything to Harley without **_**some weapon**_** close.**

_**Oh there!**_** She found a **_**big piece of glass**_** in her messy and bloody hair. Now she stops and looks smugly to Harley. **

- _Hellooo..?-_ she tells her mockingly, while Harley backs up- _this_... stabbed in _your neck.._. you know I can do it. If I can do it with a _spoon_, a piece of glass is _easier_...!****

With _**that**_** in her hand, Hearts has the **_**upper hand.**_** She starts waving the piece of glass in Harley's face mockingly, smiling from ear to ear. Harley backs away, her eyes still displaying her anger. She sits in her couch.**

Hearts keeps playing with her _**impromptu weapon**_** and goes to sit on her coach next to the Joker.  
**  
-_See?-_ male Says amused after the little show- _Cooperate!_

-You're _married?-_ Crane asks suddenly, after some minutes of silence

-No, we got _divorced_...- Hearts smiles at him and the alarm turns on again- _Stop it!_ Yes! We're _still_ married!

-_Harley?-_ Femme asks concerned

-What now _bitch!?_

- Oh nothing, _dear_, if you keep hyperventilating you'll _faint_. _That's all_- Femme tells her in a sympathetic tone- _don't feel so bad_- she continues- you knew this _all along_ and didn't want to _recognize it_- she smiles down at her. Then she turns her head to Crane- same for _you_, _Jonathan_-

-We'll forget _everything_, right?- Crane asks, trying not to cry-

- _Yep_- Male answers- _Sorry dude_- he pats his back- my _condolences_ on your _dead dignity.  
_  
**Crane looks at him furiously, shaking his head out of Male's grip. He gulps and stands up proudly, while everybody looks curiously at him.  
**  
-Ok, I'm talking on behalf of _everyone_ here- he starts, his voice cold- We're already _doomed_, and my life just went to _Hell_- he tries to keep talking in a cold tone, but his voice is breaking- Not only mine, _everybody's_. So... Just go ahead, _ask the questions_ and _make sure_ we don't remember this _afterwards_- he sits in his chair again- _Not like I'm hiding nothing important.  
_  
-_Beg to differ_ - Male shrugs uninterested - but anyway.

**He faces the camera again, grinning proudly, while the family looks at him trying to make some sense out of this "**_**madness**_**"**

Really... they shouldn't be _**oh so surprised,**_** their lives being a **_**freak-show**_**. The only difference here is that we actually put them all together in a **_**TV studio.**_**  
**  
-After the _commercials_ we'll ask some questions here!- Male continues- This show is brought to ya by _Freaks Entertainment Group!-_ he says mockingly-

**The Family is silent, Harley is crying, Hearts holding the piece of glass tightly while giggling nervously, making her hands bleed.**

The Joker is still in shock, looking at _**Femme Narrator.**_****

And Crane is just waiting to wake up, hoping to forget everything afterwards. He's self-delusional and _**prefers**_** the lies to the truth. **

_**So does Harley.  
**_  
-You look _so tense...- _Femme says concerned to all of them- Do you want coffee? _Tea?_

_**Hearts raises her hand. **_**Femme makes a cup of tea appear.. with a **_**spoon**_** in it. Both of them smile to each other **_**maliciously**_**, **_**reflected images.**_****

Male Narrator starts laughing loud, Haley gets paler and the Joker lifts an eyebrow, a smile starting to appear in his face.

Crane just shakes his head, _**annoyed.**_****

_**Hey, Story teller...**_** what are the **_**odds**_** of this getting **_**violent?  
**_**  
ST: **_**Sky high**_**... and there will be a lot of **_**drama too**_**! And I thinks the odds of this getting **_**funny**_** are **_**really high too.**_****

EQ: Remember... a _**reward for every dramatic scene**_**... I lost the count already.**

ST: I'll end up _**tired**_** after giving you **_**your rewards...**_****

EQ: The odds of you _**getting tired**_** after **_**this**_**?**

ST: I'll end up resting in the bed for a _**week**_**... but you'll be **_**really happy.**_

_**One hundred percent. **_

A/N: It took me long, right? Yeah, it did, you don't have to tell me. I needed to rewrite basically because there were some details I needed to fix, since the first idea I had mutated during the story, and the timelines and some things didn't fit correctly. So I had to do it (besides having a huge writers' block)

Hmm... I did enjoy rewriting this, and after this is done, I'll go ahead and start the second part of the story: Their revenge against the media. I decided to put the Guard's story here, and the co-written story will be their point of view, and exactly how they ended there.

Now, in the second part I'll get Batman, Gordon, Alfred, Babs (she's specially important to the plot) Leland... (also important) The Guards... oh yes, it will be funny.

Some things (some Random, some Important)

Again, so I don't forget: "Les Luthiers" Great comedians.... I just have to twist a little one of their performances, and try to translate them from Spanish to English... I re-discovered that old obsession via YouTube and I'll use it.

Borges: "The Garden of Forking Paths" it's essential to the story, as it is "House of Asterion" (I even used a little of "The Aleph" in the chapter of Harley's mind) That writer inspires me a lot, and I love him.

The Chapter "Blue Eyed Monsters": The Joke of Natalia/Natalia actually becomes truth... N/N actually means "No Nombre". I though it was funny basically because The Joker it's a N/N, name unknown. Same goes for Jane Doe. (if not there was no way I would put Nathaniel as a middle name for the Joker...I did it just for that. Don't kill me!)

The Chapter "Numbers": Yes, there are actual meanings for numbers, gamblers use to relate them to dreams, some of them are simply well known (22 the madness, 15 the pretty girl, 48 morti qui parla). They have meanings from 00 (eggs) to 100 (I don't remember)

Hearts of Friendship (The girl with whom I'm going to co-write "Down the Rabbit Hole") wrote a beautiful one shot about Allie and Jack... to be more specific... when he got his scars and she died pregnant... I have to say I love it. Go read it and leave reviews! She deserves it (not only because it's based on this, it's incredibly well written, as all her stories)

I don't have OCD but for some weird reason... every guy I dated had for initials "LGV"... two of them the same name and surname... yeah. My Family still laughs at that... another secret: I make Crane go pathetic most of the time because one of my ex looks way too much like Cillian Murphy. Just to tell him apart from the other "LGV" I call him "Cillian" while the other is "The Rat". Haha!

Well, that was a long Author's Note, but hey, I disappeared for about two or three weeks! (I was too busy... rehearse. That's all I'm saying)

Please leave reviews for this, hopefully I'll finish the "interview chapter" this week!

Thanks for reading, I hope you didn't get tired of it and decided not to again... Really, leave reviews, I love reading your opinions, and I wont deny that they make me feel good.

Nezzie

PS: Leave reviews, pretty please?


	24. FreakFest

Author's Note Nezzie:

I decided to stop writing this, it's a disaster, nobody really reads it anymore, and I'm a disaster as a writer and as a person generally. Sincerely, I cant even hold my own life as it is, I'm a disaster and everytime I read this I know it's bad, I know because I read it and the characters dont seem to be themselves anymore. I'm not a writer, at most I'm a screenplayer and that's it. my english is as bad as throwing myself out the window, and this thing it's just messy, nonsensical and simply bad.

Hearts is a horrible marysue, and a ridiculous one for that matter.

I wont keep on writing, if you want to read more, I'd help HoF, but that's it. (if she ever talks to me again after this)

I quit.

Bye, Nezzie (right now crying and with my neck bleeding, when people dig their nails in your throath you know you're worthless)

**Hello again... I guess... **_**whatever**_**. Equilibrium here. We took a **_**little break**_**, eh... well, we said (and I mean **_**me and my little siren**_**, you don't have any idea how beautiful she is... I love her so much) said that we were going to have a **_**coffee break**_** during the commercials... eh... well, she had to start **_**rewarding me**_**, right? And it's not like someone would start checking in the **_**bathroom**_**, so everything's **_**fine**_**.**

**ST: Did you have to tell **_**that**_**, sweetie? You want me to start the **_**abusive future wife routine?**_

**EQ: You won't... **_**will you...?**_** Look at my **_**puppy eyes...**_** please? **_**Pretty please**_** don't start beating me?**

**ST: **_**Okay**_**, okay, just get more **_**popcorn and chocolate**_**. **

**Okay there, he left for a while. And he's missing **_**the first part**_**... I won't beat him but I have my own ways!**

**Like Dad would say... "**_**On with the show**_**!" (I'll rename it **_**Freak Fest**_**)**

**My dad is there in the middle of the room hugging mom by the waist... which is making everybody nervous...it's probably just their **_**costumes**_**.**

**They decided to go ahead and dress **_**exactly**_** as Allie and Jack did when they got married... but with the Joker's and Hearts' faces.**

**Well, they were a **_**little bit poor**_** back then. I mean... it's a simple white dress and he was just wearing a white shirt and black pants.**

**But the image is somehow **_**powerful**_** to everybody there.**

**Back then they only had **_**each other**_**... which is much better than **_**now**_**. Now they don't have **_**anything left... **_

**Happiness, normality, a real family and dignity...there are some things money can't buy...for everything else there's **_**Mastercard!**_

-_Welcome back to Liars at Large_!- Male yells happily, facing the cameras while Femme grins from ear to ear- I know we took a _loooong_ time to come back but… _anyway_.

**I have the feeling that Mom and Dad got in the **_**dressing room**_** to have some **_**fun**_** on their own... or maybe just the **_**corridors**_**... **_**pervs**_**.**

-So here we have our _lovely guests_ who accepted to answer _your_ questions...!- Femme exclaims cheerfully, and floating slightly in the air to kiss her husband. The so called guests just look bewildered at the scene being displayed- Only some words to you, _our public!-_ she continues, still floating in the air right next to male- Thanks, _thanks_ for letting me do _this!_ - she grins wider, facing the cameras- hopefully _his little problem will solve_...- her smile starts fading and her eyes start watering

**I guess **_**nothing**_** happened in the dress rooms....**_** poor mom.**_

-_Shut up.._

-But...!

-Shut up _Drama-_ Male tells seriously, ashamed- _really_...

- You never call me _Drama_...-Femme shakes her head-... _Comedy_....

-This is a _special occasion. _Okay, so here we have the _questions_... but first, let's introduce the Family members! -he approaches the Joker- Hello?_ Jackie, you're still alive?_

**I guess the **_**so called Joker**_** doesn't find the situation **_**funny**_**... and he knows he **_**can't**_** hurt neither Mom or Dad... He's stiff in his seat, trying not to pay attention to anything; serious and barely moving.**

_**This is his personal way of being freaked out.**_

**The situation has to be horribly bad for him to have a **_**breakdown**_**...**

**But he will have it.... **_**poor guy!**_

-_What the hell_ do you want? I'll answer the questions, yeah?

- _Introduce yourself_... tell us your complete name, occupation, age and _blah blah_

- The Joker, Agent of Chaos and and 36- he answers flatly- _Happy?_

- Nah, that was _the Joker_, not you, _Jackie boy_- Male laughs rolling his eyes- Let's give it a _second chance_- he appears in the Joker's back, pressing his shoulders painfully- _shall we?_

-Jack Napier, Chemical engineer, 36- The Joker turns his head to him angrily- _There_

-_Civil state?-_ Femme asks him non interested

-_Married_- he answers simply

-To _whom?-_ Male grins from ear to ear, waiting for his answer

-I have _two wives_... -alarm turns on- Okay, only one, _Hearts over here!_ -alarm keeps going- _Why the hell didn't that shit stop?!_

-You're not married to... - Male says with disdain, waving his hands to her _-...Hearts._

-_Allie_, okay?-he answers frustrated, putting a hand on his head- Thank you -he turns to male sarcastically- _you piece of shit!_

-Okay, that was the _Joker SuperStar_ for all of ya! -Male faces the camera happily

**EQ: Here, chocolate... dark chocolate as you like it, **_**the love of my eternal life....**_**  
**

**ST: Thank you, Sweetie...**

**EQ: I love it when you sit in my lap...! **_**Did I miss anything important?**_

**ST: **_**Nah**_**, just the Joker shouting his **_**real name**_** and his former occupation and cursing Dad. Now Mom is about to ask Hearts, you take the narration from here, remember it's your job for **_**today**_

**EQ: Ok... well, **_**nothing new,**_** Femme approaches Hearts, who's **_**catatonic**_** holding her spoon, while hugging her knees in fetal position in her seat... Harley is basically doing the same, but crying her eyes out, I guess about her Puddin' being married to another woman... strange as it is, the only one who's calm in there is **_**Jonathan Crane**_**.**

-Hello _Allie_...- Femme tells her nicely-

-I will _not_ answer to _that_ name- she answers, her voice numb.

-Allie? _Are you there...? _-Femme waves her hand in front of her, mildly concerned- _Hello...?_

-I will _not_ answer to _that name_- she says nonchalant, doesn't turn to Femme

-You're doing it, _stupid! -_Femme smiles at her and pets her head- Tell me _sweetie_- she continues. like talking to a child- _what's your name?_

-_Queen of Hearts_ – Hearts turns her head, bitterly- _Your Highness for you._

**And the alarm turns **_**on!**_

-It's _piercing_ your ears! – Femme tells her sing song voice while she takes her hands to her ears.

-_Alicia Narvaez!_ -Hearts shouts desperate holding her ears alarm goes on and on..

-Still piercing your ears, _dear_!- Femme shouts over the alarm, grinning from ear to ear

-_Alicia Jeannie Napier!_ 32, _System Engineer_ graduated in UTN, Argentina, married to _Jack Napier,_ maiden surname _Narvaez_! - she answers completely desperate, on the verge of tears - A fucking _Hacker_, do you want my _I.D. number too?!_

-You're so sweet, dear, _so sweet..._ -Femme smiles down to her- _such a lovely bitch!_ – She says in sugary tone, facing the camera- Okay, so here we have... – Femme say, appearing at Harley's back, placing her hands in her shoulders- ..._the third member of the Family!_

-Take your hands of me, _bitch!_ - She shouts angry, crying- _I'll smash your skull! _

-You're simply _too tense_... – Femme comments concerned – seriously- she smiles sweetly at her- Do you want a _coffee?_

-No.

-Same questions, then!

-Harleen Quinzel, Psychiatrist, Mob Boss, 36- Harley sighs, feeling defeated

-_Married to...?-_ Male waves his hands for her to go on

-_The Joker -_ and the alarm turns on- Oh, it's a _lie_, then?- she shouts, laughing bitterly- Married to _no one!_ I just happen to be a _naive, stupid woman_ who believed that _bitch_ over there – she ends crying harder and pointing at Hearts accusatory-

-You're not _stupid_... -Hearts faces her smiling, using a patronizing tone, clearly mocking at her- you're _retarded_! Come and get me!- she grins at her maliciously- That's if you have _the guts_ to try to do something with ... – she smiles showing her spoon to her- Did I say that _I love spoons? -_ she comments looking at it in mock endearment- _I love them...._

**EQ: Ok... That's **_**mom**_**. I don't think **_**Harley**_** knows **_**exactly**_** why she's doing what she's doing... but she just touched Jonathan's leg and started to **_**whisper**_** something in his ear... they're **_**conspiring**_** something... or at least Harley is **_**trying**_** to do it. Jonathan turns his head to her, not understanding what she's talking about... she closes the gap between them, watching careful to Hearts and The Joker's reaction. The Joker just lifts an eyebrow, more amused at her antics than jealous, while Hearts' face can only be described as **_**livid**_**.**

**Hehe! Dad is showing up little by little... **_**his pants,**_** all I can say!**

- And keep your hands off of _my husband!_ – Hearts shouts at her angrily

-_Which one...?_ -Harley asks her mockingly.

-Keep your hands off of _Jon!_ -Hearts shouts and stands up threatening her with the spoon while Harley laughs at her.

-So you don't mind if I sit _there_? -Harley smirks at her bitterly.

**Ok... mixing my Mom with Harley is not exactly **_**good**_**... she approaches the Joker, jumping in his lap. He just shrugs and starts laughing, touching her leg, tilting his head to watch Heart's reaction.**

**If it were a **_**"normal situation"**_** (does that **_**term**_** even exist in their **_**dictionary**_**?) she would just yawn mockingly... but as this is **_**not**_** a normal situation... she's trying not to kill her, starting to cry seeing other woman in her husband's lap while he grins at her.**

-It seems he _doesn't..._ – she whispers seductively to the Joker- _hmm, Puddin?_

**The Joker starts laughing and puts his hands in the air in mock surrender... he's laughing bitterly. He's not that **_**happy**_** with the idea of cheating on his wife.**

**ST: That's all **_**Jack Napier.**_

**EQ: **_**Uh-oh...**_** I think your Mommy over there went **_**crazier...**_

-Keep your hands off of my _two husbands_ or you're _dead!_

**EQ: And it's on! Hearts just roughly pulled Harley out the Joker's lap.**

**ST: And by her hair no less! **_**Ouch!**_** That's got to hurt. But Harley's fighting back. Yeah, that's definitely your Mom. Jonathan doesn't seem **_**impressed**_**, and the Joker just laughs at the whole thing.**

**EQ: Oh yeah! **_**Go Mom!**_** Harley's back on her feet and she tackles Hearts to the ground and starts punching her. Hearts has dropped her spoon, and it seems its loss is like **_**kyrptonite**_** to her. She's **_**helpless**_** and Harley's still punching her, kicking her. She's having a jolly grand time. Correction, **_**my Mom just went crazier.**_****

ST: No, that's your Mom _**normally.**_

**EQ: Is not...but **_**anyway**_**...Hearts' **_**sorry ass**_** is getting handed to her. Oh, C'mon this is **_**so lame!**_** She's not even **_**fighting back!**_** And here comes Dad-in-Law...yeah, that's **_**enough**_**. We can't have them **_**killing one another**_**.**

-Okay, Okay, _save it_! -Male pulls Harley off Hearts and places her back in her chair, giving her back her precious spoon- you stay there, and there ya go, dear; _back in your seat_. Jackie _stop laughing!_

**Hearts is watching the Joker angrily, who smiles innocently at her, someway trying to **_**apologize**_**.... Okay, the term "**_**Joker**_**" doesn't suit him anymore, neither **_**Hearts**_**... those are **_**Jack and Alicia.**_

**It's **_**impossible**_** for the Joker to apologize to anybody... and it's impossible for Hearts to get any kind of **_**reaction**_** to anything.**

**Future Daddy-in-Law steps next to **_**Jonathan**_**... (I think I'll start referring at him as **_**Dad**_**...he's trying to keep his hands to himself...**_**haha**_**! He can't stop looking at **_**Harley**_**... who I may start calling **_**Mom**_** as well)**

-So.. _Jonny_, introduce yourself... -Male slaps his head amused, seeing how much attention he's paying to Harley-

-Just be sure I'll forget this..._shit. _– he pronounces the last word in barely audible tone.

-We've promised that to ya!- Male pats his shoulder, smiling to him- _Don't worry!_

-Jonathan Crane, psychiatrist, 39- he sighs, putting his face in his hands-

-Well, it seems _someone_ here is not such a _liar!-_ Femme grins facing the cameras

-As I stated _before_...-Jonathan says serious, proudly- _I don't have nothing to hide!_

-Again... we'll see that _later!-_Male tell him meaningfully- Anyway, _here we have...-_ he makes a pause for dramatic purpose while Femme roles her eyes annoyed- _questions_- he says the last word making appear - Let's start from the first letter we got, yeah? It's from... _Amber_ – he says looking at the letter suddenly curious- She says_..."So crane... do you really lick your wife's shoes, how do they taste?"_

_-I don't..._ -alarm goes on, he's offended by the question- lick my wife's shoes!

-_Lie!_ -Femme shouts happily-

-_Wait a minute_ -Harley widens her eyes, surprised- this bastard _actually..?_ – she point at Jonathan and starts laughing insanely

-Once, just _once!-_ Jonathan admits, ashamed, trying to hear himself over the alarm- We were... _just trying new things_... – he looks down- I didn't lick her _shoes_!- he shouts desperate, ashamed-

-_True -_Femme states matter-of-factly- _Now elaborate._

-Jon... don't answer... _please don't..._ – Hearts smiles at him, suddenly "concerned" not wanting Jack to find out - you're just _humiliating_ yourself...

-_Oh what now?_ -Jonathan tells her smugly- You're afraid... _bitch?_

-No, I'm just _worried_ about... -she explains to him, smiling while alarm goes on- ok, yes, _I'm afraid...-_she admits putting her face in her hands-

-Hey... _Jack_. -Crane starts bitterly, smugly- How does it feel... seeing your wife sitting in my lap _every morning?_ - he smiles at him- Tell me, _I'm all ears_...- he continues mockingly, while Jack stays silent- _Clown_, why don't you _answer?_ Go ahead, how does it feel to be _cheated on?_

-How does it feel to be manipulated _and_ cheated on? _Hmm...?-_ Jack answers after a couple of minutes, smiling bitterly at him- Did she ever said my name in bed? _I bet she did._

**Daddy AKA Crane stays **_**silent**_**... I have the feeling that actually **_**happened**_**... did that happen, **_**sweetie?**_

**ST: **_**Yep**_**. But he's self delusional, and tried to **_**forget**_** about it.**

-_Stupid to answer a question with another question-_ Jonathan takes a deep breath, trying not to remember that. Jack only cocks an eyebrow to him mockingly- Answer... oh you _won't_. Let's see _how much_ you can take it...- Jonathan clears his throat and starts talking in a business-like tone- I don't only lick your wife's _feet_... I think that I can say I've licked, kissed, touched your wife... _in every spot of her body_... and she seemed to _enjoy_ it. _A lot._ Okay, I've been married to her for _eight months_ now... but we've made love every day since the day we got married, and from the moment you and _this other bitch_ sitting by my side... that would be you, _Harleen_...- he says nodding curtly to her- kicked me out... well, once a week... she seemed _sexually frustrated_- he sighs mockingly- So I guess you're not as _good_ as I am... or at least I make her feel much better than _you ever will..._

-He's _good_ Femme...- Male Narrator whispers to Femme, who nods in agreement- _damn_...

-_Agreed._

-_I'll fucking kill you!_ How dare you touch her!- Jack starts shouting at him livid- She's mine, she's mine! _My wife!_

-_Do whatever you want_...- Crane yawns mockingly, unaffected by his outburst- it seems that she stopped loving you a _long time ago!_ Come here, _try to hit me_- Jonathan dares him, calling him with his hand- and then watch how she sticks _on my side_!

-_Ok, that's it!_

**And Jack pulls him roughly off his chair starting to punch him **_**repeatedly**_** while Crane **_**tries**_** to fight back... and if someone **_**doesn't**_** stop him... I think **_**someone**_** will wake up dead in **_**Arkham!**_**  
**

-Jack, don't..! _Stop it!-_ Hearts tries to pull him off Crane- Please, they're going to _kill each other!_- She begs to Male Narrator.

-Okay, _Okay_... – Male roles his eyes and separates them, while Femme claps her hand twice in front of Jonathan, making his wounds heal-First question _kinda_ answered... how does it _taste...?_

-_I don't remember_- Jonathan shrugs.

-Jonny, _congrats!_ You've regained your _dead integrity_!- Male congratulates him- _Man..._ high five _dude_- he tries to make high five with Crane, who only looks at him confused- you've been always my _best friend_- Male pats his pack friendly- _Des!_

-_Who...?_

-Nobody.

-So, next question: for you again, Jonathan- Femme roles her eyes annoyed at her husband's antics- _"__Harley still hates you. She hopes Hearts tortures you to no end"  
_

-_I had the feeling...-_ Jonathan admits- but then again... you're just a _puppet_. I may be a puppet _too_, Harleen...- he continues flatly- But my puppeteer never, ever _kicked_ me nor _abused_ me. Actually, she _provided_ me with..._well_- he smiles smugly- a lot of pleasure outside the bed... _and in it._

-She just _using_ you...- Harley laughs at him, and he just shrugs- and you're her little _chihuahua_

-Yes, I _wont_ deny it...but you're more _pathetic_ than I am. You know it, don't deny it...- he sighs, suddenly ashamed- and if I'm a _chihuahua_...- he lifts his face, smiling mockingly at her- _you're his poodle._

-I'll cut your balls with my _own teeth!_

-Oh, so you're _still_ in love with me...?

-Wait, _what?-_ Hearts asks surprised-

-_My beloved wife...-_ he faces her, his voice fulled of sarcasm- she was in love with me, at _some point_... and it seems I can still pull one... _or maybe two_...bottoms in her...- he smiles at Harley, who's looking at him suddenly not that "_mad_" at him- "Oh_, Jon, I love you so much..!"-_ he imitates her voice, hight pitched and cheerful- Do you still...love me...- he turns to her, smiling lecherously- _Barbie?_

-_I don't!... I...-_ she hesitates, looking down- Just want her to _torture_ you!

-And she won't! _Loser!_

-Hey Femme... I wonder when _Chaos_ will appear here... she's _hesitating_!- Male comments to Femme, who only starts laughing- _Hey, Story Teller!  
_

**ST: **_**What Dad?**_**  
**

-Will _she_ appear?

**ST: Yes!  
**

-_Who?-_ Harley asks curiously.

-_Nobody_, next question!- Male shouts, avoiding the question- _"__Joker, do you really need Viagra for Harley? You seem to be fine when you're with Hearts?"_

**EQ: And **_**bitchy bitch**_** starts laughing her ass off... yeah. **_**She knows why.**__**  
**_

-Hearts, stop laughing- The Joker shouts at her angrily- _bitch!_

- It's funny, _admit it!_

-Clown, you need _Viagra?-_ Crane laughs at him- Hey, _poodle_, he needs Viagra to be with _you?_

-_He doesn't...!-_ Harley shouts offended and the alarm turns in- _once...!-_ she tries to her herself over the annoying alarm, while her ears start bleeding- okay_, three times!_

_**Hehe**_**... that's the truth. I guess I can stop **_**pressing the alarm**_**.**

-_I'll kill you Harley!-_ Jack shouts at her threateningly.

-It was...- she admits shyly- _piercing my ears..._

-Hey, _Queenie_...- Jack turns to Allie- do ya remember we talked about a _toothbrush_ some days ago...?

-_Yeah...?_

-It could work with a _spoon_- he says matter of factly- hand me _that_ and I'll show her _"piercing my ears"!-_ He starts struggling for the spoon with her.

-No, it's mine- She yells- _get your own!_

-Give me that!

_-No...!_

-_Okay, okay....-_ Femme rolls her eyes annoyed, separating them- we've stated you've used Viagra with Harley...- she says seriously- _with Hearts?  
_

-_Never_- She interrupts him before he can answer, smugly- Hey Harley....I'm not as _boring_ as you are...- she smiles at mockingly- sure I may be a _little bit ugly_...- she shrugs- but I have _two people_ who can sign with _blood_ I'm the _best!_

-At risk of _humiliating myself_...- Jonathan says nonplussed- I couldn't get an erection with you the first time... so you're not _that_ good...

-Jon, do you remember the _high amount of stress I..._

-_You're ugly as pressing my balls against a door closing!-_ He yells at her and the alarm tuns on- Okay, I don't think she's_... too ugly_- he tries to her himself over the alarm, closing his eyes- _Okay, turn it off!_

-Hey Jon- Hearts starts amused- knowing all this you _still_ love me?

-_No!-_ he shouts at her, while the alarm still goes on- _Well yes!-_ The alarm turns off- There, _thank you!_

-Okay, okay, next question this is _going to hell_! Not that I'm _complaining_ about it...- Male Narrator interrupts before Hearts could start mocking at him- well, the following are more like _statements_ than questions...- he says reading the letters- _you wanna know?  
_

-No.

-No.

-I don't

-Get the to questions, make us _forget_ about this...

-I'll tell you anyway! Amber, great girl says: _"__Jonathan and Harley, you're both idiots! They don't like you! They're just using both of you"_

-We are, _high five Jay_!- Hearts shouts happily clapping her hands with Joker's soundly-

-We're _great!_- The Joker starts laughing- Great at _manipulating_ people!

-We're _not great!-_ Hearts laughs along with him- we're _the best!_

-Okay... _come here_-The Joker pulls her off her chair, still laughing- I don't give a fuck, _sit in my lap!_

-Oh yeah, _dear brother!-_ She sits in his lap and starts toying with her spoon- Harley... stop _crying_...- she says wiping a tear mockingly- you'll die _soon_- she laughs louder- _I can assure you that!  
_

-Hey _Scary Pooh,_ what happened to your _cockiness_...- The Joker asks him amused, starting to touch Hearts' leg- _your balls grew up to shrink back again?  
_

-_Good one, Jay!-_ she kisses him deeply in the mouth-

-Do _whatever_ you want...- Jonathan rolls his eyes, putting his face in his hands and starting to cry-

-Jon.... really don't cry- Hearts turns to him, concerned- _I don't like to see you..._

-_Oh fuck_- the Joker complains- you really had to ruin this _Kodak moment?_

-I'm as great at _ruining_ moments as you are!

-Okay!- Femme shouts annoyed- Next statement! "Crane and Harley, you're a better couple."

-Of course they would be a great couple!- Hearts laughs- they are a poodle and a chihuahua!

-What would come out of something like that...?- The Joker laughs

-A really weird dog only good for an ankle biter!

-You both are taking over the show!- Male Shouts completely annoyed at their antics- Learn to shut up!

-We'll do whatever we want...- The Joker smirks at him smugly- hey Queenie...- he turns to her, starting to play with her underwear- are those your granny panties...?

-No...- she answers in mock innocence- But if you want to take them away and make a good show... she smiles at him lecherously- I won't complain!

**Okay. Psycho Clown and Her Royal Pain in the Ass decided to start making out, while the Joker is trying to take off her clothes in the floor... and she's trying to take off his ridiculous boxers....**

**Hey Male, stop them or this will end up being a porn movie soon!**

-Okay, this is rated PG-13- Male sighs, separating them and putting them back in their seats- you're out of there, Allie! And you sit there. Stay there, yeah?

-Next Statement- Femme clears her throat and starts seriously- "Crane, you deserve a witch like Hearts. You're insensibly cruel."

-What?- Heats shrugs confused- What does this have to do with anything?

-Oh Jonny...- Male approaches him, in a sing song tone- what did you say about "nothing to hide?"

-He deserves Queenie here!- Harley cries in hight pitched voice- I told ya we would be both in hell...- She shouts at him lividly, a maniacal grin decorating her face- I dragged you here!

-Again, it backfired...- He laughs at her, sarcastically- You got me a small devil and got yourself the one that beats the crap out of you once a month! You're to be an abused woman all you life...! You were born to be one...!

-I'll kill you!- She gets up of her sit, starting to punch him- I'm not an abused woman!

**Hmm... if you ask me that looks way too much like when Mom gets mad at Dad... ehh... weird as it is... hmmm, from here it looks like both of them are enjoying physical contact... Well, my parents are sadomasochist... so what? I wouldn't be surprised in then end making up making out... really I wouldn't.**

**But, in the other side, you have other two who from their perspective can't see that they're actually about to start making out...**

-Fight! Fight! Fight!- The Joker yells happily, clapping his hands and laughing-

- Kill each other!- Hearts laughs- C'mon! Kill each other!

-Ok, ok...!-Male separates them, amused, sitting them both again in their chairs, while they look at each other, puzzled- Nah, this question just states the obvious, that you're husband and wife...J and A.

-Yes, we're married.

-You're disgusting to no end- Crane tells them- both of you

-We know, don't we Jay?

-Yeah!

-I should have killed ya long time ago- Harley shouts at her- midget!

-Lost your chance, come here...- Hearts smirks, calling her with her spoon- oh... you won't while I hold this- she tells her mockingly- wont you...?

-Let's see...- Harley stands up, hesitating- I could always give it a try...

-Bring it on!- Hearts shouts amused, smiling and waving her spoon-

-Later...- Harley sits back again in her chair.

-Coward!

-Okay... next one. Let's turn around the tables this time...

-Oh, and Joker and Hearts: Jonathan and Harley were a couple a few years ago.

-Excuse me?! what? These two...?- Hearts is eyed-wided and in shock. The Joker is speechless.

-Hey Hearts, I've touched both of your so called husbands, bitch- Harley grins maliciously- How does it feel? You're gonna cry...?

-You cheated on me, Harls?- The Joker gasps.

-Yes I did in your fucked up face, clown!- She jumps up and then as if realizing, then falls back in her chair- Okay, No, I didn't! For ya to know, chihuahua, I wouldn't touch you ever again not even with a laser point.- He glares at Jon.

-Don't worry, I'd kill myself before touching you again.- He states in disgust, but he's clearly not looking at her face, but he quickly adverts his stare, or so it looks. He's actually trying not to look at her again.

-Okay, okay, what happened? Can we ask?-Joker leans forward, curious.

-Eh... what do ya say, sweetie?-Male turns to Femme who nods, smiling- Yes go ahead ask them!

-Where did you meet?-Heart rifles off first.

-Arkham- Jonathan sniffs.

-Why are you both bastards laughing?-Harley huffs indignantly.

-Nothing... go ahead, what happened, the birdie couldn't get it up still...?- The Joker licks his lips and cocks his eyebrow, giggling.

-I...I...I hate you Crane I'll kill you how dare you....-Harley starts crying

-Whoaaaaaaa.... this is something big, what happened..?-Hearts mocks.

-Crane... go ahead, tell your beloved wife what you did to your ex.-Harley sniffs angrily.

-No... I don't want to tell her...-Jon says almost too quietly to be heard

-Scared...?-Joker grins.

-No, well yes, I'm scared!

-Tell me, Jon-Heart's face becomes gentle and curious, and her voice reflects it.

-She was... pregnant...-He says slowly.

-She was what? She was what?!-Hearts shouts, curling her hands into fists.

-Pregnant! I made her have an abortion, I don't want children...-Jon yells desperately.

-Jack... what do we do now? Now it's definitive, we have to kill them! Both of them!-Hearts is panicking.

-You're right... they're useless...especially Crane!-Joker actually smiles at that.

-I don't know what the hell this- Jon is still desperate, he doesn't want to die -...thing from my past has to do with anything but...!

-Allie, go ahead, kill her,- The Joker says seriously pointing to Harley -I'll kill the bird.- He rubs his hands together giddily.

-Deal dear brother!-Hearts exclaims with a grin.

-No, no, no! everybody in their seat...calm down.-Femme and Male both shout, Femme blocking Jon and Harley, Male holding both Joker and Hearts down.

-I think it's our turn... can we ask them some questions....?-Apparently Jon has just forgotten he was about to die along with Harley, that and, he just brushed Harley's leg with his hand, it could have been an accident...maybe

-Go ahead!-Femme nods.

-Where did you both met?- Jon asks in his curt tone.

-Arkham...-Joker answers warily.

-Hearts...? you were his psychiatrist right...?-Harley teases raising her hand in a mocking gesture to Hearts.

-Yes. No, I wasn't!-Hearts refuses to look at Harley, missing that as Harley lowers her hand, her fingers run down Jon's arm. That too looks like an accident, but Jon is suddenly looking uncomfortable and trying to keep staring forward, but there's a quirk to his lips. Once again, it really could be nothing.

-Okay, Long story short: we met at Arkham, she had a boyfriend, I feel in love, killed the son of a bitch, she felt in love with me and we got married. Happy now?-Joker gestures as he speaks, talking nonchalantly.

-No... what happened to your face...?-Jonathan poses raising an eyebrow. He grins Harley nods and leans forward too.

-Eh.... No, that's an answer that you won't answer, not yet.- Male quickly interrupts- Now, questions: "Joker, Jonathan...from 1-10...Rate: Harley...Hearts?"

-Oh fuck...-Joker mutters

-Jack?- Femme sing-songs.

-Harley... ehh... she's pretty- Joker fumbles nervously -... I don't wanna say this in front of my wife, dude!

-You say that after you've cheated on her for five years and she heard your moaning all night long?- Male scoffs in disdain.

-I couldn't have told that in better words! Go ahead, Jack! "I would never cheat on you baby" Go ahead!-Femme states cruelly, waving her hand for him to speak.

-Allie, I'm sorry, you know why...-He looks down in shame at his hands.

-I know why, which doesn't give you the right to rub it in my face!- Hearts glares at him, but it's really not working, she actually on the verge of tears.

-Okay, she's okay in bed, I'll give her a 7 and refuse to give details...-Joker quickly replies to the question.

-Hearts.

-12. Allie, can I hug you... I know you're pissed, but you know... I never meant to..!-Joker smiles and tries to grab Hearts into his arms to hug her in apology.

-Stop acting like a sissy and start acting like a man, Napier! Don't touch me!-She pushes him away, angry.

-Crane, same question...-Male ignores the two.

-Harley... the only reason I kept you around for six months....10. Outstanding! She's great, my dear wife. And I mean great, she does whatever I ask her to do, I tell her jump from...-He smiles wistfully remembering Harley and their nights. He can't resist that his eyes glance to her and take in her form.

-Shut up, chihuahua!- Harley barks, but blushes at his approving glance.

-Make me poodle!- He grins, one would think he just wants to rile her up again and not just to make her mad.

-Well, anyway... Hearts.- Male moves on, he needs to take the attention away from those two.

-Zero, she's a disaster....not that much... she's okay- Jon nods -... okay, I give her 6 points!

-Why...?- Male smiles cruelly.

-She's really good... but she's ugly... that sounded horrible, right?- That's suppose to be an apology, but he doesn't sound too sorry.

-You sounded like the jerk you are, don't worry.-Femme appears behind him and pats his head -This is Liars at Large after All!

-Okay... now this will get... violent. "So is Crane any good in bed? Hearts? Harley?"

He's got a really small penis...well not that small... ok, he's just average! And he's fine, not better than him but fine!- Harley says to hurt Jon's feelings, but it doesn't sound too true, but she gets away this lie. EQ and ST are probably too busy making out at the moment to hit the alarm.

-Okay...-Male states in confusion, but continues, glancing at the sound booth where his daughter and soon to be son-in-law are -and this is when everything goes to hell! Hearts...?

-I refuse to answer.- She growls, moodily.

-Allie girl...!-Male leans down into her face.

-Jack...-She whimpers

-What...?-He turns to her in confusion

-I'm sorry, I really am, but I already have my head bleeding I don't want to add my ears... He's really good, basically for the same reasons Harley was good to Jon, ok? Not because you're good, before you start your arrogant act, but because you do as I tell. If I tell you lick my shoes, you just do it! I must be... really good at manipulation! I'm feeling sick, I need to puke!- She says that all at the speed of sound and then jumps up, holding her mouth.

-There ya have the bathroom, run forest run!- Male points and Hearts is off.

-Allie, let me go with you!-Joker jumps up and follows her.

**EQ:...Ahem...Um, no, no...Story Teller...okay, in a minute...hang on...he he...And now let's join the King and Queen of Lies in the bathroom...Alright now you can take off my shirt...**

**Male is not looking very happy, but he keeps his mouth shut for now. He's looking close to either A) a killing spree...or B) crying.****  
**

-Jack...-Hearts walks from the stall to find the Joker, leaning against the wall, looking at her in concern -what the hell is this..ugh.

-Don't worry- Joker walks to her and pulls into his arms -... we'll make everything right this time... don't worry... it's been a while since I told you this...

-Don't say it...-Hearts buries her head in his chest -you'll lose the bet.

-You won't remember in the morning...- Joker shakes his head, and buries his head in her hair -I love you...- he whispers -I've always wanted to have a family with you... but we're going to fix that, right...?

-You should have asked me before...!- She clenches her fists in his shirt.

-I knew you wouldn't want to do it...- Joker mutters -I had to do it by force... but I'm screwed again, right...? Well, I guess the thing that popped up in your bedroom last night wasn't lying...you're going to have a little boy, he'll be like me...

-I love you Jack...I just puked, do you still want to kiss me..?- She looks up at him

-I don't care... I really don't care...- He leans forward, they kiss, and then he's leading her from the bathroom and back to the studio.

**EQ:...Hold on again, my siren...The Witness has just been sighted as they've come back in from the bathroom...  
**

-Hey... who are all of you..?-Joker jumps at the sudden appearance of the girls, tryping in their computers, their hair pulled on a pony tail their eyes closed.

-Nezzie... pleasure to meet you.- She nods and then looks back at her computer- She lights a cigarette and starts smoking nonchalantly. She's in her Pjs, as the rest of the other girls in the corridor.

-Eh... you have a lot of sisters, girl. Your mother was a dog and gave birth to several...- Hearts shakes her head in confusion.

-No.- Nezzie turns back to them, speaking around the cancer stick in her mouth -I'll just say: "garden of forking paths". You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Allie?- She goes back to staring blankly into the screen, her fingers typing, while her cigarette burns away.

-What are you... you don't have eyes!?- Hearts gasps and clutches the Joker's hand, seeing the girls eyes are gone, however, there's no blood... just empty sockets.

-I'm the witness...- She waves a hand, not looking at them anymore -you have a show to run, you shouldn't be talking to me... go ahead...

-Ok?- Joker pulls Hearts with back to their seats.

-This is surrealistic...- Hearts shakes her head.

-Yeah...- Joker nods and blinks as if trying to convince himself he hadn't just seen that.

**And Dad's just realized what Jack and Allie were talking about. He's gone pale as a ghost...Now come back here, my little muse...  
**

-You're... pregnant?!- He shouts in disbelief.

-No...Yes, How the hell do you know that?- Hearts glances around paranoid

-The camera in the bathroom...-Harley states sarcastically.

-You're gonna try and tell me it's mine, aren't you?- Jon narrows his eyes at the small woman.

-Yes, I will and if you're not happy for the good news you're a dead man...and so is Harley. So don't even suggest an abortion, do that... and you're dead.- She holds up her spoon, that no one thought to grab while she was gone.

-Agreed.- Jonathan replies grudgingly.

-I'll sit in my husband's lap, if you don't mind.- Hearts simply climbs back into the Joker's lap.

-To the Joker and Crane- Male continues on - "If you had a choice between Hearts and Harley, who would you rather have as your puppeteer?"

-You don't get to choose... these things happen...- Hearts states matter-of-factly.

-But given the chance...?- Femme smiles gently.

-Hearts. Harley would convince me to kill myself...- Jon answers with a glare at Harley, but it looks more playful than serious...oh boy...

-Who says I won't do it?- Hearts grins evilly -Okay, I'll never tell him to kill himself!

-Jack...?- Male turns to him.

-I'm nobody's puppet...- He answers quietly.

-You are someone's puppet...- Male presses.

-Not Hearts, not Harley's.- He shakes his head.

-I don't hear any alarms... whose puppet are you...?- Male glares at the booth, to make sure there's nothing going on this time.

-Cat's...- Joker finally answers softly.

-Who?- Male blinks in confusion and then his face suddenly fills with realization.

-If our daughter would have been born...- Joker shakes his head -I would be her puppet... I don't even know how, but I would have spoiled her to no end while Allie would be complaining about it.... she would be like eight years by now, right...?- He nods to himself -I hate my life, why the hell did you have to go Allie?

-Calm down... I went.. you know why I had to go... ok... calm down..?- Heart caressing his face.

-She was pregnant before...?- Harley blinks.

-Yeah... her worst fear.- Joker nods and holds Hearts closer.

-Oh great, they're not only married, they're about to have their second child!- Jonathan spits in anger -I feel overly stupid... I should have known... that night... you were eating her with your eyes, clown!- He points.

-I almost never get to see my wife in a thong.... please shut up!- Joker growls -Have some respect, I'm not exactly feeling ok...! You're a bastard, I did want a family and everything went to hell!

-Jack...breath...take a deep breath, it's the past, we can't do anything about it...- Hearts is still trying to calm him down.

-Hey, Jack how does it make you feel I get to see her wearing a thong for me almost every night...?- Jonathan suddenly shots at him with a snide grin.

-Allie... I'm out to kill nerdy doctors- He jumps up and starts walking slowly towards Crane, who also gets up. Joker cocks his eyebrows -... hmmm... where did you leave your cockiness.... straw for brains... hmm? Why are you backing up...? You don't have the balls...? Come here...!

-I.. I... Harley don't you want to help me to kill him...?- He looks desperately at Harley, begging.

**EQ: Sissy!**

-Hey... and those two...?- Hearts turns her attention to the sound booth.

**EQ: We're the satellite.**

**ST: Good one Equi!  
**

**EQ: I love you baby... Ok, Come here!**

_**Nezzie asks please for Story Teller and Equilibrium to stop making out **__again__**... or things will get ugly....**_

**ST:You're threatening us?**

_**I am.  
**_

**ST: Go to hell.  
**

_**I'm already there, don't worry.**_

-Ehh- Male clears his throat-... next question.. from Rebecca! Hey...- Male starts laughing- Hey Femme come here and read this!

**EQ: Mommy-in-Law approaches the sissy she married long time ago and reads the letter... she starts laughing too...****The Family members look at them puzzled.  
**

-Ahem- Male narrators clears his throat again. It says- he starts seriously-"Dear Hearts and Harley, you think you won? Didn't you know your 'husbands' were just using you as a front to not come out and tell the real world who they were really married to? Each other! That's right, each other! (You can come out of the closet, now, boys!) Joker brought you back Hearts so you could break Crane out of Arkham! And he needed to piss you off first so he brought Harley back and married her! And Crane did what he had to to stay close to the one true love of his life so he married his sister...er, wife...er, whatever."

-I don't swirl that way!- the Joker shouts completely disgusted- Ewww, I would never touch birdie! Not in a million years!

**Oops? What happens if I put my finger here?**

**ST: You're pressing the alarm...? hehe!**

**EQ: Yeah!**

-What the hell!?- Joker grabs his head -I already said I wouldn't touch Birdie under the influence of two kilos of cocaine! I'm not lying! Turn that fucking thing off- The Joker shouts desperate. Hearts just stays there watching her "husbands'" faces... who are completely desperate.

-For once I agree!- Jonathan shouts, his voice completely disbelieving and holding his hands to his ears- I would never do that insane, maniacal freak! How dare anyone even say such a thing!- he keeps shouting trying to hear himself over the annoying alarm- Turn that thing off!

-I still hear an alarm!- Male narrator tells them in a sing song voice- really, boys come out of the closet!

**Hearts recovers from the shock.... now she's livid, on the verge of tears. Harley starts giggling nervously.**

-Jack?!- Hearts shouts to the Joker- Jack you're gay?!- she keeps shouting desperate-

-NO! I am not! That's not funny! Maybe it's your Jonny-bear, hm? I am not gay! TURN IT OFF!

-Hey Jonny, you're the... woman of the relationship, right?- Harley snickers.

-I'll kill you, you bitch.- Jonathan turns to Harley.

-Nah...- Harley laughs bitterly -you just want to steal my panties and bras to use it with that psycho clown! I hate you Joker, I hate you! Drag!

**ST: Equi, stop pressing the alarm...I think that's enough. We don't want ANYMORE lies**

-Okay, I don't hate him but he's a drag, all of us know that!- Harley shouts.

**EQ: did you see your **_**Mommy's**_** face?  
**

**ST: Yeah, alright that was funny**

-Jack, please, please tell me you're not gay...!- Hearts shakes her head -If you are... I'll just go ahead and end my life with this spoon- She begins to cry and holds her spoon in her neck.

**EQ: He's not gay, you suicidal, pitiful, sad excuse for a villain...I mean seriously, you are totally not threatening right now. I'm more afraid of Harley than you! Hell, I'm more afraid of Jonathan, and that's something. How pathetic...I'm afraid of the  
chihuahua more than its master  
**

-Ok...-Hearts sniffs -Who the hell are you? and if you want to see how threatening I can be come here and try to see what happens!

**EQ: Please... really, you're not threatening... and it's not like I can die, poor excuse of a woman... I really pity your unborn child... you're lame. All of you are pretty lame!  
**

**ST: Agreed! Amen! Preach on!  
**

-Hey, Jack's not... lame...-Male glares up at the sound booth -I'm not lame! Ya hear me! stop touching my little girl!

- The same, I say about Allie.- Femme nods, a little hurt -She's not lame, not at all, she's...respectable...**  
**

**EQ: You just talked like **_**master Yoda...**_** seriously **_**Mom**_**..."The same, I say about Allie"..and I was just talking about Joker and Hearts...not you two...and about your "little girl"...she's not so little...not at all...t****ell her to stop touching me...I only give thanks for what I receive...and she's good at it...so good.  
**

-Ok, I'll go ahead and kill ya!- Male shouts -Hearts, give me the spoon!

-Get your own!- She clutches it to her chest as Male tries to take it.

-Okay, I think this will work much better- Male makes a machine gun appear and starts shooting and laughing maniacally**  
**

**EQ: I don't die, **_**Dad**_**! (both start laughing) good characterization of Jackie over there.  
**

**ST: I think my husband-to-be has problems...You guys are like two peas in a pod...Dad...c'mon admit you like EQ just a little  
**

-I hate him!- Male shakes his head furiously -Femme! He's taking away my little girl!- He starts sobbing like a little girl.

-Ok... is insanity contagious? Come here sweetie- Femme hugs Male -I mean we're with them- She points at the family who's gone silent and terrified -and we get crazy? -Nobody answers -Okay, Harley, next question:"How do you feel when you see Hearts in Joker's bed? And don't play dumb, we KNOW you've seen."

-I have no- Harley is shut up by the alarm -I want to kill her! With her damn spoon! How dare she seduce my puddin! YOU WHORE! - She ends up punching Crane on accident because she's waving her arms.

-Technically... you're his mistress and the one complaining should be me... after all we've established I'm his wife... hey, don't punch Jon...come here...if you dare while I'm holding this...!- Hearts waves her spoon and starts laughing bitterly.

**EQ: Oh, but my mom's not giving in. She grabs Dad and pulls her close to him, smirking.**

-Okay... I told you already... stop touching my husband! I'm warning you...- She starts to get up.

**She just continues to smirk and then she climbs in Dad's lap...well, he's surprised, but not complaining...Yep, my Dad's really entering the building. Harley smiles down at him and kisses him deeply.**

-Okay, that's it, you're fucking dead! That's rape!- Hearts approaches and sees Jonathan's actually enjoying it...and kissing her back, arms creeping up her waist. They're making out.

-Jon...- Hearts says, horrified -hey, I'm here, your wife...What the hell are you doing?! You said a couple of minutes ago you would never touch her again! Jon, at least look at me! JON!- She shouts.

-Your chihuahua is no longer yours- Harley turns to Hearts and grins-...okay...I got comfortable here... do you mind if I sit here for a while, Jon...?- He whispers against Jonathan's mouth.

-Not at all...- Jonathan starts laughing and touching her leg.

-You're doing this to annoy me?! Okay, I'll go to my husband... Jack...can I...?- She climbs back into Joker's lap, crying.**  
**

-What? you're trying to make your chihuahua jealous?- Joker laughs.**  
**

-I don't think it's working.- Harley croons and then giggles at Jonathan, hitting him playfully -Behave, there Jonny.

- And if I don't want to?- Jonathan frown and begins nibbling a path up her neck.

-Okay... do whatever you want, I don't care!- Hearts huffs and crosses her arms -Next question, end this torture soon, please!**  
**

**EQ: Go Mom and Dad!**

- Hey, Des dude.. you're doing great... hehe!- Male holds up two thumbs-up to Jon who is still too busy with Harley's mouth to pay attention -Okay, next question Hearts:"Would you rather spoon Joker or Crane's eyes out and why?"

-Jon, I mean, look at him.- She points to make a emphasis -They don't even like each other anymore...and look! That little bitch just seduced him and he's falling for it. Him!- She starts to tear up again.

-Ha! and you still say you love me?- Joker laughs bitterly, glaring at Hearts -You're jealous over another man!

-You know how hard I worked for him to be my lapdog?- Hearts whines -and besides... – she smiles sweetly at him - that way would be just you and me...!

-You can have him!- Harley calls pulling away from Jon -I'm liking Jon over here. Go be happy...whatever...why did we ever fight, Jon?

-I don't care..! Do you really...ok, as soon as we get out of here we're dumping the freaks... what do you say?- He caresses her cheek with a small smile.

-Yeah- Harley sighs -you don't think I'm boring anymore do you? Let's get out of here.

**ST: It's rather sad, this is only a dream...I'd rather see that pairing...  
**

**EQ: Yeah... shame it will never happen... right? Mom and Dad are sweet sometimes... when she's not bossing him around...  
**

**ST: Same with my parents, when Mom's not beating him. It happens less often. EQ, I'll create a universe where Harley and Jon are happy...let's do it while your mom and dad aren't here to mess it up, what do you say?  
**

**EQ: Yeah... let's do that, they look really happy together...Oh, Jack's going to say something. Be quiet for the idiocy.  
**

-Yeah... you dumping us...- He snickers -more like you'll end up dead. Maybe you can go to hell together and be happy there!

-Hell, we're already here- Harley spits -...no where to go but up you freak! At least he never hit me!

-Eh... sweetie, he did.- Femme says gently -actually do you remember exactly why...?

**- **I don't care!

-He forced you to have an abortion!- Hearts screams -Remember that? He told that a couple of minutes ago...! Before you went crazier! I take you like being an abused woman... maybe you're a masochist...? Try to analyze yourself, brainless Barbie!- She's yelling at the top of her lungs.

**ST: Well, you broke him even more...Harley's dangerous too...I think Jon could learn his lesson. ****Oh, please another question! Let's end this!  
**

-You're right, sweetie!- Male nods -To Hearts and Joker - "What happened to your first try at pregnancy as Alicia and Jack?"**  
**

-Don't bring that up...I...I don't want to think about it.- Hearts starts shaking and then she sputters -Jack! Jack! Where are you! Please be okay! Jack!

-No.. - Joker shakes his head as if trying to rid himself of a thought -I don't want to think about, please...everything went so wrong...Cat would be eight by now...hehe... we would be just a normal family! You ruined it Allie! why you didn't tell me about the bank accounts?!- He starts shaking his wife.

-So... what happened?- Crane pulls away from Harley to lilt -you were going to be the perfect little family... and then? Hm?

-I bet the bitch being so weak lost the child... she doesn't even look like a proper woman... haha!- Harley snickers, playing with Jonathan's hair.

-What did happen?- Crane laughs- Hey, what happened?

-They're everywhere...Jack!- Hearts is still shaking -Jack! They're hurting me!- She begins to cry -...We could have had our little Cat...so cute...I'm sorry, Jack...I didn't want to worry you...I'm sorry...- She buries her head in the Joker's chest.

-Allie, I'm here! stop crying sweetie...- He holds her tightly and starts rocking her back and forth, rubbing her back -It's alright... remember... it didn't happen...to us. it happened to them...- He raises his eyes to Jonathan and Harley who are laughing. He growls -You bastards don't laugh at this!- He tilts Hearts chin so he's looking into her face -Look at me... Allie, I'm here.. I'm going to save you.. I will, really... Fuck she's having a regression! Could anyone help me?!

**ST: I'm starting to feel sorry for them...Should I intervene?  
**

**EQ: Yes... it's horrible...even if I hate them.. it is still horrible to contemplate  
**

**ST: Allie, in a universe different from this one your precious little girl grows up and she's amazing...a chip off the old block. Her mother's manipulativeness and her father's cunning. She's intelligent and great. See look at the photo I'm projecting. It's you all as a family. I know it happens somewhere.  
**

-Can I go there...?- Hearts smiles -Can _we_ go there...? We'll make it look like an accident... kill our other selves and tell her she's gonna have a little brother...?

**ST: I'm really sorry, you can't do that... you're not the same people they are. Even if you wanted to be back... even if you regret it... this is your reality, this is what you created.... and these are the consequences. I feel for you, but I only wanted you to know, that somewhere else... you got a happy ending.  
**

-Hey,- Harley whines -why are they getting help anyway?! they're two psychos who kill for the fun of it!

-Let them drown in their own miserable life, they deserve it!- Crane scoffs.

**ST: The two of you, SHUT UP! Allie, Jack, Who knows...maybe you'll meet this girl one day...the universes are odd that way...people fall into the Garden sometimes...and with her possessing your curiosity...who knows...? Now you would never understand... even if you know more than most mortals do... you both don't understand fully the nature of he universe and you're not meant to. That's just for the ones up there to know... not for you.  
**

**EQ: You're talking too much... we don't want to be that way, remember... let things happen as they have to  
**

**ST: I'm trying, but I feel...so bad...I mean, I feel like I'm looking at my parents too...  
**

**EQ: It's ok... Male! Do something before they go crazier! They'll get delusional!  
**

-I knew I shouldn't have.- Femme whispers, and then turns back to Hearts and Joker-.. Okay. Hey, both of you...you have a second chance, that's past, remember? Now you're not them anymore... you're... well The Joker and Queen of Hearts! You're rich, powerful, feared... you have each other in some twisted way and you weren't supposed to be together! At least you have that, she's pregnant again! You both shouldn't be crying...!

**-**Yeah,- the Joker laughs sarcastically -look how happy we are, let me laugh about it! The Joker and Queen of Hearts! Please, we're more than pathetic pretending to be siblings! We ruined everything! Do you actually know what it's like to lose everything...?- He shakes his head -Here you have what I think is a husband, a daughter, a guy who I think is your son in law or something... money?- He scoffs -I'm a stupid, I sent my life and hers to hell for some dollars... an eight year old... a little girl.... maybe poor but at least not the biggest freaks of human history!

**-**That's the most intelligent thing I ever head from your mouth, clown!- Crane mocks -Whatever happened... you fucked it up for a few dollars? And you want your life back, both of you, trying to have a kid...? Yeah, right...- He laughs.

-She'll have a miscarriage again or whatever happened last time!- Harley says in satisfaction -She's weak, she's taking a huge amount of hardcore medicine... she's a drug addict! Plus a smoker... what would we, the professionals say about it, Jonny...Okay...come here- She leans forward towards him.

-Miscarriage in the first months if she doesn't stop the medication!- He grins -probable malformations! And if she stops the medication she'll lose it completely! We're the professionals, right Harley?- He meets her lips with his own.

**-**You may be the professionals but we know how it's gonna end- Maloe looks down at them disgusted- Shut up, you're being overly cruel. Ya know what, Crane? You'll forget about all these, come back like a puppy and raise the kid. And Harley, you will be an auntie trying to spoil said kid wondering why you can't have your own children. So there. shut up you so called professionals

_**Hearts and the Joker are having a huge breakdown and Femme is trying to put them back...I think she needs help...**_

**ST: What the hell? Who is that? Hello..?!...They're gone...that wasn't the Witness.**

**FN: Male, come to help me here, they're not reacting to anything!  
**

**ST: Change the subject...give them a new question!  
**

**-**Damn it...uh...To all of you – male shigs, reading another letter- "If you had the choice to be one of the other members of the Royal Family of Crime, who would you be? And you've got to do an impression of them."**  
**

- would love to be Joker!- Jonathan grins.

-Queenie.- Harley asks conspiringly.

-Queenie, Queenie...are you feeling depressed?- Jonathan croons to Harley.

- Life is horrible, brother.- Harley purposely cries melodramatically.

-Then sleep with me, and I'll make it all better.-He slides his hand up her leg-...I promise.

-But Daddy raped me and I'm such an emo- She mocks -... how would you make it all better? After all, I'm just a stupid little girl holding a spoon because I have an OCD with Lewis Carol....- She snifss.

-And you think I'm any better?- Jonathan laughs -I couldn't save you and now I have a permanent smile. I have an obsession with a Playing card. I named myself after it after all and I'm in love with my "sister" We're both pathetic...so why not enjoy it together?

-Good idea... come here and make me feel better!- Harley hold his close.

-I'm here...so let's go to bed shall we?- Jon purrs.

**ST: This is madness!  
**

**- **Okay, Okay, as I said this is rated PG-13...- male tries to separate them, then he sees it' useles- go come here.. and you come here. ok... go sit in his lap.**  
**

-We screwed this up big time...!- femme shouts desperate- They're not reacting... I don't think they'll be alright anymore... – she says trying to talk to the Joker and Hearts who are crying silently, holding each other- good luck this is a dream and will just go to their subconscious... which in fact is not that different from what it is...but I don't think they'll react anymore.

-I'm not into voyeurism- Crane scoffs -...I'll take her privately, thank you!

**ST & EQ: PLEASE!!! ASK THEM SOMETHING!  
**

-Heart- Male starts readin another letter, sounding desperate- Did you ever once love Jonathan, even for just a little while? And no answers like "Yes, when I was doing him," because we all know you're really thinking about Joker the whole time. Did you know Jon has this 'Ideal' version of you? Some perfect, beautiful doll he wishes you looked like deep down. Sort of like…Harley. Funny I should say that, as they used to date before meeting you two.

-I love Jonathan- Hearts whispers -...in some way...like a friend. He understood, actually cared. He made me feel nice. I do love him, sometimes I wished I loved him like he wanted me too, but I can't... I can't love... not anymore... why did the alarm went on? it's truth...- She talking as if in a dream-like state.

- Because as Allie you can love...- Feme sighs sadly- you can love Jack...

-Okay- Hearts simply nods – turn it off...whatever it is, it makes my head hurt... not that I care... I think I'll put a bullet in my head as soon as I wake up...

-Would you kill me first?- Joker asks seriously.

-You kill me first... or kill yourself, let me kill myself in peace.- Hearts says, her voice numb.

**EQ: Great, now they went suicidal! Male do something!  
**

- They will forget about it!

- There's no use...they won't react..- Femme takes her hand to her face sadly- let's finish the questions and be done with this... Jack, really stop crying...**  
**

**-**I can't...and please don't take her away from me...I won't do anything...- He cuddles Hearts closer to him, crying.

**- **It's ok... cry all you need to cry, you won't remember later.. same for you Allie...Allie?**  
**

**-**Leave me alone with my husband, please.- Allie starts crying too.**  
**

- For you, Crane- Male reads another letter, sounding tired, sad-. "By the way Johnny, did you ever like to wear your scarecrow mask in bed and play Psychiatrist/Patient with Hearts? Don't be embarrassed, we've established you're her royal highness' footstool, there's not much dignity left for you to lose."

-Once...and it was enjoyable. She was a perfect little patient.- He grins lecherously at the memory and he looks at Joker with a big smile -Wanna try that Harley?

-Would you wear your mask?- She giggles.

-You want me to?

-Destiny and Chaos are coming soon…- Male whispers to Femme who just nods seriously

-What?- Harely turns her away from Jonathan's.

**- **Nothing!

-Okay, let's end this one for a while:- Femme takes a letter and starts reading nonplussed- "Harley? I sort of love this mean, unhinged you, but you're being played for a fool. What were you really thinking when you first found the 'siblings' in bed together? Given the chance, would you kill Jonathan for what he did to you? If yes, how would you do it?"

-I'm so glad there are some people who care about me- She smiles and places a hand to her heart, smiling -...I wanted to kill them both, was my thought when I found them in bed together. I wanted poison their food, maybe smother them with their own pillows. I felt so used and angry, there were no words to describe my rage. And, before- She raises a hand to her chin -yes...I would have enjoyed killing Jonathan. I would have...hmm- She stares up for a moment -...I would have first used his toxin against him, no offense, Jon, You... make me feel so good... ah whatever, I went off track. and then I would have thrown him in a cell with all his 'happy' patients. And then I would have picked apart his little mind, finding what made him tick...and then I'd shoot him and drop him in the river in Gotham off a very high bridge.

- Okay...?- femme shakes her head- whatever... Jack, this is for you... will you answer?

-Whatever...-He looks at her in contempt.

-"Joker, who is worse in bed: Hearts or Harley? And if a situation arose where you or Hearts had to die, would you kill her or yourself?"

-Who cares?- He mutters** -** Harley may be prettier, but Allie knows all my good spots.- He pats Heart's head -After all... we've been married for ten years now... So the answer would be...Allie has the experience and she does so well... and do I actually need to answer the last one? I think it's pretty obvious... besides, it wouldn't be the first time I do it... I killed for her... and I even died for her. There.- He turns his attention back Hearts and rocks her back and forth.

-What?- Harley half coughs, half laughs -How's is it that you "died" for her? you're kinda alive... and so is she...

-They are delusional.- Jonathan shakes his head in fake pity -Probably thinking of themselves as Romeo and Juliet... a very twisted version... pathetic.- He spits the last word.

-Let's not act like that every again- Harley scrunches up her nose.

-Agreed. -He nods and trails kisses along her jaws -We will not be pathetic any longer.

-Never again -Harley sighs, pulling away and runing her fingers through his hair – We don't deserve that- she kisses him softly and he responds in turn, until they are making out passionately.

**EQ: Their bodies, however, start to change. They don't look like themselves any longer. Chaos and Destiny have now entered the building, people!**

ST: Destiny and Chaos have personally come out to play now.

EQ: Sweet! Woo! Go Mom and Dad!

_**--Nope, this is not good. Drama and Comedy...this show is officially over...--**_

**ST: That voice again! Who's there?!**

EQ: The room just went dark, whew, I found ya, my siren...but wait! What the--

_**SYSTEM FAILURE. ALL SYSTEM'S DOWN**_

_**REEBOT IN THREE SECODS...**_

_**ONE...**_

_**TWO...**_

_**THREE...**_

_**AUTOPILOT MODE SET. NEZZIE 1.1 1.2. 1.3. 2.1 .2.3. 2. 2. 3.1**_

- Hello there, Drama, Comedy... Story Teller...oh, you're here Equilibrium. Long time no see... surprised to see me?

**(Original author's note)**

A/N: Hello again, this is not writing itself, it was just a joke...You'll see why. I'm not that crazy to start thinking these characters actually exist XD. This story will be written in collababeration with Heart of Friendship from now on, and the regret Heart's has is related to a one-shot Heart of Friendship wrote, called "Invierno Rojo" which I loved. I'll probably update really soon, and I'm sorry for not updating as I said...I had a block, and yeah, LGV reappeared for me to kick his sorry ass out of my life...weird, huh? Anyway please leave reviews (you know I love to read your opinions).

Nezzie (Crazy Plots Inc.)

_A/N: Sorry for the long chapter guys. We wanted to get the interview over with so the second part of this tale could begin. We wanted it to go out with a bang! I hope you enjoy and please leave us reviews. We really do love to hear opinions, and it does wonder for motivation._

Heart of Friendship (Not to be confused with another particular Hearts)


	25. Contracts and Foreshadowing

_**SYSTEM FAILURE. ALL SYSTEM'S DOWN**_

_**REEBOT IN THREE SECODS...**_

_**ONE...**_

_**TWO...**_

_**THREE...**_

_**AUTOPILOT MODE SET. NEZZIE 1.1 1.2. 1.3. 2.1 .2.3. 2. 2. 3.1**_

_- Hello there, Drama, Comedy... Story Teller...oh, you're here Equilibrium. Long time no see... surprised to see me?_

**EQ: **_**Wait a minute**_**… you weren't supposed to be punished on **_**Earth**_**? What the hell are you doing here, **_**Philosophy**_**?**

**PH: **_**Me? **_**I'm just.... Well, why don't you ask **_**Thalia**_** and **_**Melpepone**_** here?**

**MN: Don't call us that, **_**bitch**_**! What the hell are **_**you**_** doing **_**here**_**?**

**PH: Right, **_**Thalia**_**... you don't like being called that since is a **_**woman's**_** name... yeah... well a **_**Mexican singer**_** named herself after you! **_**Comedy**_**, there... tell your daughter, dear **_**Clio**_**, and her... future husband-to-be **_**Ying-Yang...**_**what you've done.**

**FN: We haven't done anything! **_**We were telling a story!**_

**PH: **_**Ahem**_**... you were telling the **_**secret of the universe**_** and how it **_**works**_**... what does **_**The Boss**_** say about that? What does **_**The Boss**_** says about... **_**this little show you set up?**_** The identities of us, **_**immortals,**_** revealed...? Have you ever stopped to wonder**_**... about the consequences?**_

**ST: You're not even **_**supposed**_** to be here! You... **_**wait a minute...**_** you're... **_**Nezzie**_**? That's **_**illogical!**_

**PH: We all know **_**logic**_**... there's **_**no logic**_** as there are **_**no rules**_**. Everything that **_**can**_** happen **_**will**_** happen... and your **_**Daddy**_** here... along with **_**Mommy**_**... decided to reveal a truth **_**never**_** to be revealed... and with the **_**worst**_** moral examples they could find just out of... **_**simple narcissism**_**. And you're asking about the **_**logic**_** of me being... well, **_**there?**_

**CH: Excuse me, **_**I usually don't stick up on Story Teller's side**_**... so I'll be **_**direct**_** here, as it seems your **_**little brain**_** can't process something as a simple **_**question**_** and find an accurate and normal **_**answer**_** to it. So... this isn't not exactly the **_**first time**_** it's happened. **_**You**_**... revealed the truth to that guy, **_**Borges**_**, about 50 years ago, The Boss got mad at you, and he called you in a **_**meeting**_**. You never appeared in the **_**Neighborhood**_** again...**

**PH: **_**Olympus**_**, **_**Eris.**_

**DS: **_**Don't interrupt! **_**Are you ****still stuck in the **_**ancient era**_** or what? Answer the damn **_**question!**_

**PH: Shut up **_**Moiras**_**, you have no room to complain. I'm here... you never read the **_**memos**_**, do you? **_**Lazy people...**_

**EQ: What the hell are you talking about? You... you can't be a 22 year old, you should be **_**fifty years**_** or even **_**older!**_

**PH: Again, you **_**still**_** don't read the **_**memos!**_** Back then... when I wandered around Borges, **_**great writer...**_** I just decided to have a **_**little fun **_**at your expense, **_**Chaos**_**... I just told him the **_**truth**_**. But I had the **_**decency**_** of do it in a **_**subtle**_** way… after all, it appears as a **_**theory**_** inside of a **_**tale**_**, and at most it appears as **_**non-finished book**_** of a **_**Japanese writer **_**from the **_**Edo**__** Period.**_** I was **_**subtle**_**, talked to **_**The Boss and he…**_

**ST: Subtle? **_**SUBTLE?**_** You even told **_**the name of the garden!**_** And you revealed the truth to a **_**famous writer!**_** Almost a **_**Nobel Prize**_** in some universes! In others directly a **_**Nobel Prize of fucking Litearture**_** once you take of the tale **_**political connections**_** with that Chilean Dictator, **_**Pinochet!**_

**PH: In this one he **_**got**_** the **_**Nobel Prize**_**... **_**haha**_**... Stop interrupting me **_**kids**_**…! Respect your **_**elders**_**. As I was saying **_**The Boss**_** agreed that given the **_**fact**_** that Borges was known to write that kind of **_**philosophical tales**_**, most of them in which **_**I helped**_**… nobody would really **_**pay that much attention to it**_**. I never said you can **_**jump**_** from one universe to the **_**other**_**, and again, it appears as a **_**theory**_**… I wasn't **_**punished**_**, just decided to take **_**vacations**_** and not appear for a while… then you both… d**_**on't look at me like that Melpepone…**_** both of you decided to go to earth **_**again**_**. As you might know, I don't like it, I find it **_**utterly boring**_**. But… well when the **_**"scar incident" happened**_**…when.. **_**Hello Allie? You're catatonic? Helloooo, I'm your best friend! Talk to me!**_

-_Who_… who are all of you?

**PH: As I said, I'm your best friend. **_**Philosophy**_** is my name, pleased to meet you, **_**sweetie**_**. Oh and this other **_**bunch of weirdos**_**: Muse of Comedy… **_**Also known as your husband… **_

-_What?!_

**PH: Wow, I revived **_**Jackie**_** from an almost **_**comatose state!**_** Don't worry…**

-How many _husbands_ do you have, _Allie?!_

-_I...I..don't understand!_

**PH: We're getting **_**there**_**, don't worry!**

**EQ: **_**You old wrinkled bitch, shut the fuck up!**_

**CH: **_**Language,**_** Equilibrium!**

**EQ: Chill out **_**Mom!**_** She's about… **_**to say everything!**_

**PH: **_**As if you haven't done it already.**_** Okay… **_**Jack**_**… Allie here only has **_**one husband,**_** that's **_**you**_** Jack… **_**by the way**_**...have you ever **_**wondered**_** about your **_**sense of humor,**_** even in the **_**most horrible situations**_**, back then… **_**before they cut you open?**_** You never really **_**cried**_** before meeting **_**Allie**_**… have you ever noticed about that **_**small detail?**_

- I… I'm a bipolar, mostly _maniac_, that's why! _I never had a reason to cry!_

**PH: You're **_**serious?**_** Your mother **_**died of cancer**_**... you were 13 and **_**didn't**_** cry. Not even **_**one tear...**_

**MN: Philosophy, **_**please shut up!**_

**PH: You poisoned your father for **_**life insurance**_** to pay for **_**college**_**, didn't even think about it; you actually found it**_** funny!**_

- I'm the _damn Joker _and my first murders were _poisoning_, of course it's _funny!_

**PH: **_**Oh yeah?**_** And back then... you weren't the**_** Joker**_** and a **_**mass murdering clown**_** wasn't in your plans....? You never... ever **_**cried**_** until you met**_**... Allie here**_**. Your first **_**tears**_**... were for her **_**having a boyfriend**_** and you being completely **_**in love**_** with a complete... **_**stranger**_**. Ever wondered if that's even close to **_**normal?!**_** You fell in love in less than **_**5 minutes**_** with a woman... **_**no offense Allie**_**, that nobody would give a **_**second look!**_

- I...I didn't fall in love _that fast!_ It was a process, _I had a crush at most!_

**PH: I have... **_**proof**_**. Look at that and tell me what you see. Hmm? Crying over that small detail to your psychiatrist... Look at that! **_**"but she has a boyfriend, lucky guy!"**_

- _What the hell_ are you trying to say?!

**FN: **_**Don't..!**_

**PH: **_**You shut up,**_** I'm the **_**authority**_** here! Philosophy, mortals like to think about everything, from the **_**smallest things**_** such as a **_**shopping list**_** to t**_**heories about the way the universe works!**_** I'm also known as **_**Science**_**! **_**Arts**_** are under **_**my**_** control, because before **_**performing**_** any arts or science they have to... **_**think**_**! I'm the o**_**mnipresent**_** besides **_**omniscient**_**, and while I stick to **_**a mortal's side**_**, the more **_**intelligent**_** and **_**wise**_** they become! Which makes you both, **_**Muses**_**, under **_**my control.**_** And concerning you, **_**Equilibrium**_**... to find equilibrium humans have to **_**think**_**. Story teller is a **_**muse**_**, so she's under **_**my control too**_**.**

**DN: I'm not... **_**we're not.**_** We're the **_**higher authorities**_** at the moment. And we're **_**omnipresent**_** too... we **_**dictate**_** how the world will work and you only have to make them think according to what **_**I write**_** and what **_**Chaos does!**_** She even **_**creates**_** new universes almost **_**nonstop!**_

**PH: **_**But you're banished to Earth!**_** You're **_**doctors**_**... **_**science**_**. Under **_**my**_** control again.**

**CH: **_**So are you! **_**If not explain **_**what the hell**_** is that **_**poor girl**_** over there?! We're the **_**higher authorities**_**, and we say **_**get the fuck out of here and go back there!**_

**PH: But I have **_**something**_** you don't! I have... **_**this!**_** This, **_**ladies and gentlemen**_**... is a **_**contract**_**. Signed by both **_**Muse of Comedy and Muse of Drama**_** to **_**MBZ**_**, also known as **_**Nezzie**_**...small letters **_**Philosophy**_**. The only contracts allowed between **_**our kind**_** is **_**marriage**_**...you broke **_**several rules**_**. One, of course, **_**is this one.**_** The other is telling **_**this particular story**_**...then is setting this "**_**show**_**" in four mortals' **_**subconsciouses **_**with the intention of **_**burning it**_**, **_**erasing**_** it from the **_**Eternal Files.**_** That's **_**four infractions...**_** I'll keep going: **_** Laziness**_**... You didn't check the **_**subconscious**_** of the **_**Witness**_**, that would be **_**me**_** or **_**Nezzie there**_**... I can't believe so much **_**stupidity**_**... what were you **_**thinking**_**? You have a **_**normal girl,**_** that from one day to other starts acting **_**weird**_**, too **_**mature**_** for her age, **_**despising**_** being a **_**teenager**_**, smug and **_**disgusted**_** simply by **_**seeing**_** her own class mates! **_**Seriously**_**...! C'mon, I though you were **_**more intelligent**_** than that! You didn't know with **_**whom**_** you were signing a **_**contract**_**, which itself... **_**it's another infraction**_**. You were supposed to sign it in **_**her subconscious**__**state**_**, not in her **_**conscious**_**... which leads us again to the **_**first infraction**_**. Signing a **_**non-marriage contract**_** with another **_**Omniscient, **_**in my case also **_**Omnipresent**_**. And to put the **_**cherry on the top**_** of so many mistakes... you actually **_**revealed**_** yourselves **_**completely**_** to a **_**mortal**_**, damaging **_**her sanity**_** and putting **_**her life in danger**_**, turning her into that which you both represent**_**: Sadness and Happiness**_**. You turned a **_**perfectly sane**_** person into a **_**maniac-depressive**_**, a risk to **_**herself and others**_**. She... tried to **_**suicide**_**: philosophy, **_**over-thinking**_** plus **_**sleep deprivation**_** due to writing this **_**thing**_**... plus not knowing if she's **_**hallucinating**_**... and even worse, her body is writing under **_**hypnosis**_**... that's seven mistakes. **_**Seven... perfect number**_**, the number of **_**The Boss...**_** Clio, tell me**_** dear...**_** what does **_**that**_** mean?**

**ST**_**: Boss! Please no!**_** It's not **_**their**_** fault, it's **_**hers!**_** She should have showed **_**herself**__**earlier**_**, stop this **_**madness! **_**And**_** you**_** gave**__**them**_** permission **_**to tell **_**this!**_

- I don't understand! _What the hell _do we have to do with anything!

**PH: **_**Haha..**_** Funny you're asking, **_**Allie**_**. I have a simple question for you...Have you ever **_**laughed**_**.... before meeting **_**Jack?**_

-_I did..._

**PH: Don't **_**lie**_** to me. **_**Ever**_**. You never found **_**anything**_** funny... you were the most **_**pathetic and depressive person**_**. Seriously. You **_**killed**_** a fourteen year old without **_**hesitation**_**, didn't **_**laugh**_** at it, but neither **_**did you cry.**_** You were **_**nonchalant**_**... **

- _I'm a cold murderer!_

**PH: **_**Yes**_**... and then how do you explain your **_**complete and sudden change of personality**_** when you met **_**Jack...?**_** You laughed for the first time of in your whole life at one of his **_**lame jokes...**_

- What are you trying to say?!

**PH: **_**Jack**_**, let me talk, **_**stop interrupting me!**_** So, Allie... **_**he died**_**... you found him. **_**Again**_**. The so called **_**MMM**_**... **_**Flip the letters**_**... what does **_**that**_** mean?**

-_Eh...WWW_ is the _easy_ meaning...

**PH**_**: "...like looking through a window, seeing what's happening outside, maybe inside, or simply in the other side of the glass. I feel like Alice, compelled to walk through a glass that doesn't reflect me, but reflects what my soul desires and so does my heart...The complexity of the universe, I'm doomed to see it, to cry and wonder about how many universes contain my happiness, all of them but this one, in which I'm doomed to watch through a glass, though a simple crystal of my simple computer... and never to find happiness, never to kiss his lips again... and what's even worse... seeing him falling to pieces and not being able to do anything but look... in a simple computer. Ignorance is bliss... although I died with him... and bliss, happiness, are denied to me forever...only a glass separates us... I wish to be like Alice and walk through... but if I have to use brute force and break it... I'm prepared to face the consequences... even if I lose myself in the process... even if I make him lose himself to madness.. everything but this..."**_** should I go on, Alicia...?**

- That's... my diary? _I burned that thing years ago!_ The things I used to write...

**PH: **_**When you found the MMM**_**. You **_**did**_** break it and walk through your so called **_**glass**_**, and as you **_**condemned**_** yourself to **_**unhappiness**_**, you condemned the both of you to **_**change and morph into monsters without souls**_**... how did you walk **_**through...?**_

-The key... _the password._

**PH: The name? **_**What was it again?**_

_-"Garden of Forking Paths"_

**PH: Why did you try that **_**particular thing...?**_** Why did you try the **_**name**_** of an **_**old tale...?**_

- I like _Borges_... and I thought it was _fitting..._

**PH: And then... you turned into a **_**different person**_**, dragging **_**him**_** along... I have to admit **_**my own mistake**_**, that's what **_**wise**_** people do. **_**I pitied you both**_**... I gave you **_**the key**_** by making you **_**remember the tale**_**... and trying it as a **_**password**_**. And the rest is **_**ancient history**_**, as **_**mortals**_** usually say. The point is... **_**as to the proofs I just put on the table...**_** Allie, you're **_**Drama**_** and Jack, you're **_**Comedy**_**. You're simple **_**vessels**_** for two **_**Inmortals**_** to have **_**fun**_**. That's why... being **_**Drama or Tragedy,**_** you never could **_**laugh**_** and being **_**Comedy**_**, Jack, you never could **_**cry**_**... you only found yourselves **_**complete**_** when you met **_**each other.**_** You were supposed **_**to do so**_**... and that's what **_**him**_**... **_**Destiny wrote.**_** And then **_**Chaos messed up...**_** they left your bodies in the so called **_**"scar incident" **_**and then you felt like you were **_**nothing**_**, lacking **_**something**_**... and no, it wasn't only **_**each other**_**, but your **_**very souls**_**. You were **_**empty**_** and you're **_**still**_** empty. The only thing that **_**remains**_** as the **_**vestige**_** of your souls are **_**memories**_**... of back then when you both **_**used to have one**_**. You're both **_**empty shells...**_

_- No!_ That's not possible! _We're... people_! We're not _normal_, okay, but that _doesn't mean..._

**PH: Don't worry, **_**Jack**_**... I found you both the **_**solution to your problems**_**... Comedy, Drama... you're back**_** down there, **_**you've been**_** punished**_**.**

**FN: No, there's **_**no way**_** I'm going back there, how would I do...**_**how I'm supposed to live without my husband?!**_

**PH: Learn to **_**cope**_** with it!**

**  
MN: **_**No, Boss please!**_** You know we're **_**good people**_** and the existence as **_**Hearts and Joker **_**is **_**miserable**_**, we **_**don't**_** deserve it!**

**PH: **_**It's done!**_** I'm just waiting for **_**someone**_** to appear and read the **_**verdict!**_** There's **_**nothing**_** you can do! It's **_**over**_** for the both of you! **_**OVER**_**! Now please leave me **_**alone**_**, my **_**mortal life's ruined**_** thanks to your **_**narcissism**_**! The only thing I have left is this, **_**a contract!**_** I was... **_**clever enough**_** to sign for **_**another story**_** I could **_**actually**_** publish! **_**Become rich!**_** But... I'll never find... **_**sanity**_**. Boss, please listen to your **_**humble employee**_**! I made a **_**mistake**_**, I **_**payed**_** for it, please let me **_**out of my punishment,**_** I don't deserve it! I need to be back on the **_**Olympus**_**... I have **_**seven cats to feed..!**_** Anyone been **_**taking care**_** of them since **_**I left...?**_** It's been... **_**seven years.**_

**EQ: I can't believe it... **_**I been feeding them, bitch...**_

**PH: Oh thanks, **_**kid**_**... you've always been **_**so sweet**_**...**

**EQ: **_**All of you!**_** Don't look at me **_**like that**_**, it's not the **_**animals' fault!**_

**PH: Don't worry! **_**Juliet, Romeo, Mini, Alice, Duke, Toulouse, and Liliet!**_** Mommy's going to be **_**back home**_** and this **_**will end!**_** I need to be **_**back home with my cats**_**... I miss them... **_**seriously...**_

**ST: **_**Pathetic old spinster...**_** bitch. Not even your **_**cats**_** love you...**

_- What the...? _

**Sanity: So much you searched for **_**Sanity**_**? Well, **_**here am I.**_

**PH: Well, **_**hello there**_**. How you've been doing...?**

**SN: **_**Banished to earth**_**... you know it, shut up, **_**insufferable know-it-all...**_

**PH: **_**Well, yes.**_** But I'm about to go and feed my cats... **_**care to join me for a tea?**_** If you want to stick up next to **_**this poor girl**_**... well, that's really **_**nice**_** of you, **_**Sanity**_**.**

**SN: You're **_**not**_** going back **_**up there**_**... you made **_**as many mistakes they did**_**. But **_**somehow**_**... I **_**have**_** to stop this **_**madness**_**. I let my brother Insanity**_** loose**_**, I turn my back for a **_**minute**_**... and you do this....**_**incredible.**_

**PH: **_**Why**_** were you banished to Earth, anyway? **_**I mean**_**...**

**SN: I didn't let Jack and Allie fall into madness **_**in cue**_**... just after the **_**scar incident**_**. **_**While you fly highest...the fall is harder**_**. My **_**brother**_**, Insanity... I just let him **_**play**_** and let them turn to **_**this**_**. That's why... **_**I'm over there**_**. I didn't do my job **_**stepping back**_** when I should have done... and I let my brother **_**do it all at once**_**, not in a **_**process**_**... that's **_**five years**_** I've been **_**there**_**.**

**PH: Yes, but your **_**punishment**_** wasn't as bas as **_**mine**_**... I ended up in **_**third world country!**_** In fucking **_**Argentina**_**! Damn... "**_**El Pais del Revez**_**", where they **_**worship**_** politicians that **_**died**_** about **_**fifty years ago!**_** Not fair, Boss, **_**NOT FAIR**_**! That makes me remember I have to study in the **_**UBA**_**... **_**Literature**_**. Please Boss, **_**pretty please**_**, help me out before I become a **_**Mass Murdering Nerd**_** after seeing... my classmates **_**smoking pot**__**in class**_**.. probably **_**sharing it with the professor**_**... I need to cry for a while... **_**sniff...**_

**SN: **_**Ironic**_** you ended up where this madness **_**started**_**... Borges; **_**Buenos Aires,**_** Argentina. **_**Good for you**_**. Nice to live the **_**American Dream...**_

**PH: **_**Don't laugh at me**_**, I will **_**appeal**_** to this and get out of here! Before I end up **_**smelling pot**_** while trying to read something... **_**damn**_**...**

**SN: **_**Enough, shut up!**_** I'm here to read **_**the scroll,**_** send everybody where they're **_**supposed to be**_** and end this **_**little show!**_** The Boss told me **_**to do so**_**, so everyone **_**shut up!**__**NOW!**_

**FN: Can we appeal the **_**verdict**_**...?**

**SN: Under the circumstances... **_**no**_**, I'm sorry**._**" Muse of Comedy, Thalia, Muse of Drama, Melpepone, you broke the following stipulations: 897, signing a non-marital contract with an Omniscient One; 456, revealing the nature of the universe; 782, revealing yourselves in conscious state to a mortal, therefore damaging her mental health and risking her physical health by sleep deprivation; 159, setting a possible dangerous "show" in four different mortal's subconscious; 147 and 148, attempting to burn it from the Eternal Files, where nothing must be touched let alone changed unless by the proper authority, which you aren't. You also broke 253, not checking properly the vessel's subconscious to see if the story to be told is fit to the person who will represent it in earth. Therefore, as seven rules have been broken, you are hereby banished to Earth in your vessel bodies, Queen of Hearts, once Alicia Napier, Maiden surname Narvaez, and Jack Napier The Joker until their eventual deaths whether by natural or vindictive forces.**_

Contracts signed between Omniscient beings can't be broken, and as stipulated in section 3-7, if neither Thalia, Muse of Comedy nor Melpepone, Muse of Drama can perform their duty, their daughter, Clio, Muse of History should take their place. However, as it is impossible to tell a story of this nature with only one narrator, a stabilizer entity must perform as secondary Narrator. Under the circumstances, Ying-Yang, also known as Equilibrium must intervene and help the main Narrator.  


_**In Terms of Philosophy: she shall still be confined in her vessel MBZ, Nezzie, until her departure from Earth either from natural or vindictive forces.  
**_

_**For the sake of the Vessel's sanity and physical health, Sanity should remain as close as possible, in said case, providing moral support as well as co-writing the story, therefore making her efforts more tolerable, while Nezzie has direct contact with both Narrators, therefore making the scripts while her vessel Amber, AMM, also known as Sanity should make the descriptions.**_

_**As the story is being written in fanfiction, therefore not being taken seriously, just mere entertainment, Both Thalia and Melpepone will be able not to be emotionally hurt by their other relationships, but still be able to feel the pain from their mistakes, so from now on, they remember not to commit the same mistakes"**_** The end. There. They're gone.**

**PH: Equilibrium... **_**you were taking care of my kittens...?**_

**ST: **_**Seven huge lions!**_

**PH:They fall under the category of "**_**cats**_**", shut up! Since you're such a **_**sweet child...**_** would you mind taking **_**my cats to your house**_**? They feel **_**alone**_**, it's been **_**six years**_** since I've seen and taken care of them...and we have to discuss the matter of their **_**food**_**. They need **_**fresh food**_**... and when I say **_**fresh**_**... I mean **_**alive**_**. That **_**fresh**_**..**

**ST: I won't accept you "**_**kittens**_**" in my house, **_**freak**_**!**

**PH: **_**You will.**_

**SN: Philosophy, please leave **_**those kids**_** alone...**

**PH: **_**Okay, okay...**_** I guess I'll be back... Boss, why a **_**third world country?!**_** You could have send me to **_**Europe, North America**_**, a nice place..! **_**I'm poor!**_

**SN: Stop **_**complaining**_**... you're not **_**poor**_** by Argentinian standards! You still have **_**supportive parents**_

**PH: Who will lock me into a **_**mental hospital**_** soon...! Thanks for being by my side before it happens, Sanity. I hope they **_**don't,**_** because my mortal's aunts have been talking about **_**hiring a lawyer**_** to put me into a **_**mental institutio**_**n for the rest of my **_**mortal life!**_** Please... **_**just be around**_**, I have the feeling the **_**brand new narrators**_** will want to turn me **_**crazier...**_

**SN: **_**Welcome.**_** My job.**

**PH: Hey... **_**Clio...?**_

**ST: Don't call me **_**that**_**! What **_**the hell**_** do you want?!**

**PH: Get my cats in your house or **_**Nezzie**_** is cutting her hair **_**short**_** and **_**dying it red...**_** and you **_**know**_** that she will **_**resemble**_** your mother... it will make it **_**more difficult!**_

**EQ: Maybe we **_**should...**_

**ST: Shut up! **_**No!**_** I wont take your **_**monsters**_** into **_**my**_** house!**

**PH: **_**Fine**_**... let's see if you like my **_**new looks**_**... goodbye.**

**SN: Bye, **_**sorry for the mess**_**.**

**EQ: **_**Well**_**... it seems now it's only me and Story Teller... **_**we'll try our best**_**... we promise.**

**I'll take her home, **_**just a minute**_**... she's crying... and she needs some sleep... after all.. she knows she won't see her parents in a while...**_**Shhh, c'mon Sweetie, shhh**_**...Come on, let's get you to bed.**

_**I'm back.**_

**I guess all I can do **_**for now**_** is telling you how they wake up after this **_**madness**_**...**

**The Joker wakes up feeling dizzy, with the urge of **_**throwing up,**_** scared and feeling **_**different**_**, something's **_**wrong**_** with him. He doesn't remember **_**exactly**_** what he was dreaming... but he does remember feeling **_**depressed**_**; those **_**buried**_** memories, long **_**gone**_** and **_**forgotten**_** floating to the **_**surface**_**...He looks at himself in the mirror, seeing his scars deforming his once **_**handsome face**_**... and he wonders why things have to be **_**this way. **_**He sits in his bed, trying **_**not**_** to think about it. **_**Impossible**_**. For the first time in years...he feels the need of having **_**his wife**_** in his arms. He knows it's **_**impossible**_**: she would never let him hug her afte what **_**he's done to her**_**... in any case, the person he'd be hugging would be the **_**monster**_** that replaced his wife... it's not the **_**same person**_** he **_**married**_** all those years ago, but the **_**empty shell**_** of what she **_**used to be.**_

**Hearts wakes up and runs to the bathroom, throwing up until her throat starts **_**aching**_**, small drops of **_**blood**_** stain the porcelain. She places her hand under her belly, where **_**her child is growing**_**... she starts **_**crying**_**, feeling **_**less like a woman**_**, remembering the **_**last time**_** she was **_**pregnant**_**. She made a **_**mistake**_**, ruining it all just because of **_**fear**_**. She knows, somewhere**_**, in some other universe**_**, there must be a world where something else happened and she got her **_**happy ending**_**. But it's **_**too late**_**, she can't **_**sleep**_** and she can't **_**mend the past.**_

_**She can't go there.**_

**The Joker, tired, frustrated and suffering from **_**insomnia**_** walks out of his bedroom, heading to the kitchen to get something to drink. On his way out he finds **_**someone**_** he wasn't expecting to find: **_**Hearts**_**, sitting on the floor, her back against the wall of the corridor. Her face is buried in her knees, **_**she doesn't notice him**_**. He doesn't know what to do, but he feels... that something **_**horrible**_** has happened, and it's not only her **_**pregnancy**_**, there's **_**something else...**_** he can't place his finger on what's happened **_**exactly**_**... but for the first time in years... he feels something, **_**something real**_**, not a **_**memory**_**, for the woman crying in the floor, wearing his over-sized blue shirt, small and fragile.**

**But he doesn't know what to do. He stays there, towering over her and still looking at her small figure....a **_**woman**_** that's supposed to be **_**strong, feared, sarcastic and cold...**_** reduced to **_**nothing**_** and crying at 4 am in the floor of the corridor, **_**alone**_**.**

**He simply lets himself fall by her side, resting his back in the wall.**

-Hey Allie... _wanna hear a joke?-_He finally says, attempting a small smile.

-_Ok...-_She sniffs and raises her gaze to him.

-We have this guy, let's call him _Jack_- he nods to himself -... he was _in love_ with his _best friend_, a girl called _Allie_. One day, he's depressed and sad because Allie didn't even saw him as a _man_... and she sees his sadness in his eyes. Just to make him _feel better_, she decides to... _tell the fortune with cards..._

**That's... that was my **_**little siren**_** back then... she wanted to make a **_**practical joke**_** to both of them... revealing them **_**their future**_**... one of the **_**multiple ones.**_

_**This one.**_

-_Haha....-_she actually smiles minutely -you actually remember _that?_ I was _accurate_...- Her voice falls again- _wasn't I?-_

-_Yeah_.-he sighs and shifts slightly -...how does it go again, _you remember?_

-Yeah. -She nods..- "_hey Jack.... This is you, Caballo de Espadas. Remember we're using the Spanish deck, hmm?"  
_

-"_Ahem... what does it say"-_He plays along as the both of them are immersed in a memory so vivid it's like it is the reality and their Joker and Hearts selves are the dream.

_-__" What I have to do... is go through the entire deck three times. Mostly it's a no-yes answer... but I can see your thoughts... your reality and present... and your future last time I went through them. So... first line, seven cards... your thoughts. You appear alone, depressed... Dos de Oros, see...? It resembles two eyes... it represents jealousy. Which is... next to Caballo de Copas... a Latino or a black man... haha your sweetheart it's a latina or a black woman... or maybe one of those girls who believe in the size.."-_She giggles

-"_Shut up, Allie_..."-But he can't stop his own smirk at her.

_-__"Second round_- she says matter of factly, shuffling the imaginary cards with her hands, while he laughs, she starts "_placing_" the cards down again- _...No, she's not African American, neither a Latina... she's white, Sota de Oros... weird the card it's masculine, a knave... but represents a woman. second line, feelings, right next to you... and right next to her... you're a pervert, Jack Napier!"_-She shrieks playfully and hits his shoulder. He rubs it gingerly.

-"_Me, why?"_

_-"Cuatro de Copas... __Sex. But you're alone, the only happiness you have it's in your thoughts... sex related. And then... she makes you suffer, Dos de Espadas. She doesn't have family... __Tres de Bastos next to Siete de Espadas... and... tada! __As de Oros... don't laugh at that, it means "_ace_"... I know it sounds like "_ass"... _that's your yes, she will end up with you... short term. Cuatro de Bastos" -_She gestures to the ground as if seeing all the cards before her again, and in her mind she does; she can even recall the smell of the day.

-"_Don't raise my hopes for nothing, Allie..."-_He grumbles, but she continues

_-__"...and then, the second... again the As de Oros... __Mister Caballo de Copas appears right next to As de Espadas, _el ancho_... and Dos de Espadas... death. __Dos de Oros, jealousy... and then your Sota de Oros again, in second line, you really love her, dont you?  
_

-Haha- Joker laughed bitterly and shook his head -... I never thought that _shit_ actually worked... but it seems _it did_... after all _I did kill your ex!  
_

-Coincidence, there's no fate, you know that!-Allie shook her head as well, as if wanting to believe her words, spoken so assuredly, but her expression doesn't back it up.

- Hmm? it was funny- She picks up again after a moment, smile back in place _–"... want me to throw it for the last time...?_"- he starts imitating her, using a high pitched tone. She laughs at him- _" The future. Another Ace of Oros and you have a _neon billboard_ saying "_yes_"... congrats Jack! You're getting married, children...looks nice, hmm? _Uh-oh_ There's a Sota of Bastos you'll cheat on her with a blonde woman... she has money, unlike your Sota de Oros. This is quite horrible because she will cheat on you with... King de Bastos... but neither of you are happy with them... see? Here the.."- _he turns to her, not remembering the complete monologue- what was it _sex?_

-Four of cups.-She tells him and he nods

-"_Four of cups_...- he repeats- it _looks bad for both of you... and then... both of you, ace of spades, and row of spades again, death. Clear as crystal._- He looks up and grabs Heart's shoulders who feigns shock. Both of them start laughing -_'Kay, 'kay Jack don't freak out..."_-Ahem- he clears his throat, serious again, while both of them look at the floor, where the imaginary cards are supposed to be-

-It could also mean _illegal business_...-she whispers raising an eyebrow mockingly. Both of them start laughing again- I'll take it from here- she interrupts him-_"Last card, wanna know?_-She looks up and he nods - _"yeah"-_ she imitates him and looks at the next card and gapes –"_Damn, how the hell did that got in there?"_

-"_What?"-_He leans over her shoulder curiously.

-"_A comedian, a _Joker_... the black one, incredible_..."-She taps it with her finger.

-"_And it means?"-_He drawls.

-"_Nothing, everything I told you is bullshit because of this card... it's not supposed to be here, I actually checked it wasn't there... weird..."_

_-__"You're just having fun with me, aren't cha?-_He clucks his tongue -_You're being pretty cruel, ya know?"_-He waggles his finger and she huffs.

-_"No... I actually do this for myself...-_She says seriously -_well, it's just a pastime, something to do when I'm bored... hey wanna know it translated to French deck?"  
_

_-__"Hmm...why not, oh fortune teller, Spirit of Christmas Future.."-_He gestures grandly.

-"_Sota de Bastos... it means _Queen of Diamonds_... rich woman, probably _blond_. You'll cheat on her with a _rich woman_...!_ - She hits him on the chest- _bastard!"-_

**Both of**** them laugh bitterly, while she shakes her head sadly.  
**

-Shut up... if I ever had the chance, I would never cheat on her.-He promises grouchily.

**She laughs louder, bitterly.****  
**

_-__"You say that now; that's just rainbows and flowers...-_ she says matter of factly- _well not right now cause you're alone, but you know what I mean...but she'll get old, ugly... and you'll go for a Barbie, remember me, your best friend, when that happens!"  
_

-"_And King of Bastos?-_He points at the card- _Who's that son of a bitch?"_

_-__"King of Diamonds. Powerful man, he appeared to be in the science field, an intelligent person... the fact that's a king and not a Caballo, or a Knight translated to the French deck... it means that he's older than her"  
_

_-__"Ha... so the woman I'm in love with will cheat on me with and old wrinkled politician...?-_He giggles at that.

-Maybe...

-"_Knight of Spades? That would be me, right?"_

-_"In Spanish, it means dark hair and dark eyes, translated to the French deck, it's a violent man, a soldier... we were working with Spanish deck, doesn't matter"-_She waves him off.

-"_And the... Sota de Oros?"_

-_"Queen of Hearts... a woman that reigns emotions... probably an emotional manipulator"-_She explains nonchalantly.

-"The Black Joker?"-He asks; it seems he hopes it means something now.

-"_Death_"-She whispers, a smirk in her face.

**Both of them start laughing again bitterly, then she gestures to the floor, like throwing away the cards and starts crying. He stays serious.**

-It's a great joke- He asks sadly.- isn't it...?-

-We're a big joke... that's what we are...-She sighs; they're fully transported back to the cruel reality in front of them.

-It's ok... we're gonna make it right this time...this time we'll get the money, the family, each other... just a matter of time...just... _time_.-He wraps his arms around her, a gentle gesture he hadn't done in what seems like an eternity.

-_Jack...?-_She murmurs and looks up at him.

-_Hmm_?-He tilts his head.

-Would you sleep with me tonight... I had a _nightmare_...-

**The Queen of Hearts actually asking that with a small voice, now that's**** a sight.  
**

-Just don't take away the covers for yourself, _would you...?-_He smiles gently, making a nice joke, being friendly.

-Okay...-She smiles sadly and tears start to seep down her cheeks, crying again-

-Stop crying, second chance! _Todo o nada!-_ He holds her closer, rocking back and forth.

-But what if we end up with nothing...?-she whispers- with our hands empty _again_...?

-We have the _upper hand_... we've always had it. Ya know what will make you feel _much better...?_-He whispers in her ear a smile forming on his lips.

_-__What?-_She sniffs.

-What do you say...- he muses to himself while she looks at him curiously- Remember that your _mommy wanted you to be a ballerina?-_ she shrugs- what about getting that nice little _red thong_... I'll sit here and you dance for me, baby... C'mon! I'll put some _dollar bills_ and all!-He's grinning lecherously; so much for avoiding being a pervert for once. His hands start to stray.

- Sleep with one eye open-she grabs his hand, trying to use a threatening tone and failing miserably, she's smiling, more amused than infuriated-I'll break your skull with my _ashtray_, Napier!

-You cant...!- he laughs at her- Have you noticed that you're _kinda short?_

-_So...-_ she whispers in her ear- I'll grab a _frying pan_, the _ashtray_, and my _bare hands_... and I can jump _pretty high..._

**They look at each other puzzled, like not understanding where their words are coming from suddenly realizing... they haven't said something similar to that in years. They start feeling strange... something out of place.**

-Just joking, we need to sleep...- he says finally-

-I don't want to exactly... -she stands up, offering her hand to him smugly-... _sleep._

**He stands up, and puts an arm around her waist, and like two **_**drunk people**_** they head to her bedroom, still laughing **_**bitterly**_**.**

**Harleen Quinzel wakes up screaming in her bed at Ivy's, a **_**nightmare**_**. She doesn't remember most of the things but she certainly feels **_**different**_** as well. She yells because, at some point, **_**it felt painful**_**. As if something, **_**someone**_** was being pushed inside herself. It's been a while since she heard voices in her head... but tonight for some reason she starts hearing that voice she thought had **_**disappeared**_** about **_**ten years ago...**_

"_Baby, I'm home!"  
_

_-_Shut up, I don't wanna listen to you- harley says desperate, trying not to shout- go away!__

"No, I can't. If I could, I'd leave now... believe me, I'd leave now. But I can't, it's not my decision to make..."  


_-_Leave, I'm not schizophrenic, I don't have split personalities...- she shakes her head, starting to panic- I don't.._  
_

"_Oh you do... Did you miss me, Harleen...?"  
_

-Get out!...get out!- she cries- I don't have imaginary friends, I have real friends, I have a family!- she sobs harder, putting her hands in her ears- I don't need you anymore!

"_Haha, no you do need me ... and you don't have anything. You know you don't and you know the truth... why don't you address me by my name or are you afraid...? Afraid of what you can do...?I'm your best friend... address me by my name... I've been here almost your life..."  
_

_-_You're nothing but a voice in my head...- she whispers, trying to not to take seriously the voice she's hearing-_  
_

" _That's not a polite way to treat your childhood friend... you remember... when we played together when you were a child...? What about those exams, when you didn't remember the answers and I whispered them to you, and you always got an A...?I am much more than a voice in your head ... much more than a voice... start reasoning, find the truth... and get some real happiness... your so called hate for Jonathan it's not exactly...hate..."  
_

-I hate him! Stop!- she shouts angrily- Stop! Go away!

"_You remember your nightmare... your dream...__? You want a real family, you want kids to spoil... and believe me.. the clown you have for husband won't serve this purpose... however... you know you want him... you want Jonathan...and he'll serve that purpose; he's more apt to accept such a responsibility now... Hearts has taught him some humility..."  
_

-No, after what's he's done to me, NO!- she cries harder, this time shouting- I don't love him anymore, I don't, I don't! I love my Puddin'!

"_You can't fool yourself... you can't fool me... you know it's truth.. Think about it... I'll go for now, but I'll be back... and I want an answer... get a taste of reality... and give them a taste of their own medicine... goodbye for now."  
_

- Nini... are you there?... Nini...?- she whispers, suddenly feeling lonely- Answer me!- she yells looking around the room, someway trying to find her- NINI!

"_Answer your own questions... and then I'll be back. Goodbye."_

-Harley, you were shouting, there's something wrong?-Ivy appears in the door and then walks over to the bed and sits beside her -You can tell me...

-No, nothing Ivy... it's fine... just... a nightmare.-Harley whispers, shaking her head.

-I'm sorry, Harls- Ivy pats her shoulder, but then becomes curious -... hey... who's Nini?

-An old friend...- she answers shyly.

-What happened to her...?- Pam asks her, concerned- I'm sorry... did she die...?

-I don't know... she disappeared...-She whispered and then bites her lip -I don't wanna talk about it. Get out-She starts to shout desperately- leave me alone!-

-Harley, you're not ok! Maybe you need to take something!-Ivy grabs her.

-Get out, when I say it I mean it Pamela! Harley pushes her away- Out!-.

-Ok... we'll talk in the morning.-Ivy says hesitantly, not really sure if she should leave the blonde alone.

**Jonathan Crane shouts in his cell at Arkham, he felt something painful in his sleep. Like being thrown in a cage full of lions, tearing him to pieces, replacing him for someone else. He had a nightmare... he remembers being with Harley... and he remembers the pleasure, how much he enjoyed the sensation. He sits in his bed and takes a deep breath...**

-She was _good in bed_, I had a dream remembering _that_- he sighs, talking to himself in his empty cell- _That's all_... Jonathan, you have a wife... _Hearts_- he remembers himself, taking a deep breath- The woman you _love_... remember...?

"_Please... wake up to reality, Jonny. You're utterly frustrating"_

-I'm _not_ listening to the voices in my head again- he replies, scared to the voice in his head- _go away!_

"_Oh you're not, why are you answering me then...? Oh, silence I see... Hello again, Jonathan, I'm back. Please...have some balls and do what you have to... kill her. Kill...your "little queen"... and get something real... a real woman, not a monster!"_

-I love her, she's my...- he stammers, stil afraid, surprised to hear again the voice he hasnt heard in about six years- _She's my wife!_

"_You know that's a lie... you know it... C'mon, Jonathan. Do what you have to do and dispose of her; her and him... doesn't take a genius to know that..."_

- Shut up, _Scarecrow_!- he hisses angrily- _Shut. Up!_

"_Okay...there...now you're addressing me as you should... that's the first step. I'll leave you in peace now. But I'll be back and I want answers... Find the truth, grow some balls and do what you have to... then... we'll have real happiness. Goodbye, kid"_

**he's left alone again, thinking about what "scarecrow" told him. The silence in his cell is someway terrifying for him. he glances around the dark room, still wondering about the voice, about that thing he believed dissapeared from one day to other.**

-_Scarecrow_...?- he whispers, breaking the silence- _Are you there...?_

"_Scarecrow is not here right now...Please make an appointment... hahaha!"_

A/N: And...we're...back...disaster has been adverted. *hugs Nezzy*...isn't she cute? Anyway, I hope

you all enjoy the chapter. Nezzy wrote the whole of it, and I just added description. So yourresident insane Sanity entity signing out, see you all again soon! :3

Nezzie's AN: Sorry... I have issues, serious issues ... and again, I took my anger and sadness to my story, that has nothing to do with what was actually happening. I'll just say that my ex came back to torture me a little more... and ended up with a breakdown. Plus another set of things, but anyway, I felt worse than depressed... and ended up writing this again. So that, sorry for the inconvenience (call center operator again)

Well, back to the story: yeah, I'm completely, one hundred percent shameless. I made a self insert so what? And reading it again, it's not actually that, more like a character... anyway. I just wanted the narrators back in The Joker and Hearts, to make things fair when it comes to having Harley and Crane being that powerful... that's my excuse *insert innocent smile*

About the fortune teller thingy.... most of it actually it's that way, I know how to do it and the information about the cards meaning it's accurate. So I didn't make it up, but it took me a while to remember some things. actually that was going to be a scene in "dead couple" but as I'm completely random... well, I put it here.

And about "Nini" and "Scarecrow"... just wait and read.

Remember the guards...? I'll present them in the next chapter and I can assure you... (because i have it written for some months now) it's funny and those two are interesting...

Thanks to Amber, J-Horror, and Lasgalendil for convincing me to actually post this... and don't let me drown in self pity.

Before I fall into a depressive state again (emotional blackmailer, anyone?) please leave reviews... and tell me what you think about this! you know I love to read what you think about this...

Nezzie (manic-depressive writer... problemitas...?)


	26. The Redeemers, a Nice Young Couple

_**Ehhh**_**... hello, **_**Equilibrium**_** here. After the whole deal with... my parents and In-Laws, well... Story Teller's a little bit **_**depressed**_**, no matter how hard I try to cheer her up.**

**And we've been **_**neglecting**_** our jobs lately, not like the Boss would fire us (after all, this is just being told because of the **_**contract**_**)**

**Neither of us really want to see **_**our parents**_** locked into the bodies of those pitiful beings some call "**_**The Royal Family". **_

**Anyway... so I'd like to see something **_**funny**_**, if I go to any of them I'll get **_**down**_** again...**

**So, as we talked before about the Top Guards... **_**I'll present them**_**. **

_**Good timing,**_** we're about to witness one of their "**_**shows**_**"**

**And here we are... **_**this is the guards' warehouse**_**. **

_**Stinky, isn't it?**_** Well, I guess that's what happens when you have ****twenty**** men sleeping in the same room**_**... Yeah, I know**_**... they sleep **_**packed**_** in here, and live this way****; there's**** not too much to do for **_**entertainment**_**. They only know that they have to do their job, being trained as a paramilitary army... these are **_**not**_** guards. These are **_**soldiers**_**: soldiers who were desperate for money, desperate to maintain their families; a baby on the way, debts, sick parents, and no money for medical care... **

_**Soldiers against their will.**_

**I think that fits the description of **_**most**_** of them.**

**They are desperate, poor. Then a woman and a man, **_**a young nice couple**_** nobody would have thought to be in **_**illegal business**_**, approach them. They knock at their door offering help. Being**** in**_**Gotham**_**, most of them won't open the door to **_**strangers**_**, no matter how **_**nice**_** they look, no matter if they look like **_**normal people.**_

**They **_**do**_** open the door, though, when they see **_**the envelope**_** being slipped under the door....and the young woman's voice calls them by their names.**

- Mr. Smith, we _know_ you are there, did you receive _the envelope? _

**People are **_**curious**_**, and they open the white, non-marked envelope, and they find **_**money**_**. Enough money to pay medical insurance, enough money to send their children to school, feed them and give them a proper home. This time, the man behind the door is the one asking:**

-Sir, is it _enough_ or you need _more_? Don't hesitate to ask for more... _we have it_- while the woman often adds:

-We're here to _help you,_ everything has a _price_ and your son, _Joey_, he's _sick_, he's asthmatic, and he's five years-old. _Please let us help._

-We're _philanthropists_, Mr. Smith

**The man opens the door, and he sees a brown haired woman, not to short ****or**** tall, with brown eyes and a warm smile decorating her face, a normal woman, **_**nice...so nice, her voice full of concern and interest in his problems.**_

**LIE****.**

**Right next to her, there's a tall, blond man; blue eyes and a **_**bright smile,**_** hugging his wife by the waist. He seems a little cold, maybe nervous, but all in all...**_**a nice guy.**_

**LIE**

**The man hugs his wife by her waist**** tighter**** and she looks up at him, winking an eye in complicity. **_**They look so in love...**_

**That's a **_**truth**_**. **

**Maybe the only truth they've lived for **_**years**_**. **

**But definitely **_**not**_** the only truth **_**they know. **_

**Mr. Smith decides to open the door. **

_-Come in...?_

**Mr. Smith signed his **_**death wish**_** in a large hand just by **_**opening the door**_**. It's just a matter of **_**time**_**. He opens the door, letting **_**two wolves disguised as lambs inside.**_

**Mr****.**** Smith, **_**oh poor Mr Smith**_**... he's **_**comfortable**_**; they're just a **_**nice young couple**_** trying to help him and his wife. Mr****.**** Smith asks their names: **

**-**My name is _Alexander Zelen_ and this is my wife _Catherine_

**Mr. Smith plays with the **_**dollar bills**_** in his hands,**_** the envelope**_**. He's somewhat **_**relieved**_**...but he's also **_**anxious**_**...**

_**What is this about?**_** Again he asks, and the answer this time, **_**doesn't**_** comfort him. It **_**scares**_** him. He signed a contract with his **_**own blood and his family's. **_

-_Mr. Smith..._ you have just _touched_ an envelope and left _digital prints_ in it, as well on the _money_. The money's _yours_ of course, and there will be _more_. But nothing's _free_, as you might _know_. We're offering a _job_, and we don't take "_no_" for an answer- The girl crosses her legs elegantly, explaining emotionlessly, her face cold, neutral.

-You're now part of _The Royal Family's army_. Don't bother about clothes, shoes or _anything at all_. Say goodbye, _we're leaving_. If you don't want to, _you family dies_. There is _no_ way to escape. We're _helping_, this is our _price_. You'll get to see your family under supervision _once a month._ You can't _escape_, you can't _hide_, and you definitly can't go to the _police_... You're already connected to _us_, we made sure by making you _touch_ the envelope...- The young man offers him an uncharacteristically warm smile for the chilling facts he just revealed.

**That doesn't make sense, Mr. Smith thinks. He rebels, he gives away the money, he shouts and the **_**nice young couple**_** is still sitting in their seats, unaffected by his outburst, cold and looking bored.**

**For them, it's a **_**simple routine.**_

**For Mr. Smith, it's his **_**death sentence.**_

**His wife cries and tries to dial 911 to no avail. **

_**The phone's not working.**_

-If you think it's a _joke_, why don't you open the envelope _again_ and look more _carefully_ at what's _inside_?- The blond man asks smugly, sipping the tea Mr. Smith's wife offered them as soon as they entered.

**Mr. Smith, scared, does as he's told... and he finds a card inside. **_**The upper part is the Queen of Hearts, the other is a Joker.**_

**No exit, no way to escape. He's now part of a **_**paramilitary**_** force he never wanted to be part of to begin with.**

**His wife **_**cries**_**, so does **_**his son**_** asking why his daddy**** is**_**leaving**_**, while he tries to explain that Daddy's got a **_**new job**_**, that he won't be having problems **_**breathing**_** again with this new job, but daddy has to be **_**far away.**_

**The one who **_**can't**_** breath this time is not his son: **_**it's him**_**.**

**The blond man walks out the door, **_**pressing a gun in his back**_** while the woman explains **_**nonchalant**__**ly**_** to his wife that they will be **_**observed**_**: not to contact any kind of **_**law enforcement**_** such as the police, army, anything; not to tell the **_**neighbors**_**, if she's asked about her husband just say that**_** he left them alone.**_

**Mrs. Smith replies furious that her husband would **_**never**_** leave them alone. Catherine just shrugs and comments: **

-That's what _you_ think... _because he just left._

**She walks away while the woman shouts at her the most **_**horrible curses**_** she can think of. Catherine doesn't care, she just gets into the driver seat of the car while her husband's in the passenger sit. In the backseat, **_**two men heavily armed**_** are flaking Mr. Smith.**

**Soon Alexander and Catherine start talking about nothing really **_**important**_**, just telling **_**bad jokes.**_

**Mr. Smith looks at both men surrounding him. **_**Somehow**_**... he feels that **_**they**_**...are in the **_**same**_** forced situation. He starts to feel some **_**sympathy**_** for them...In some twisted way they're **_**victims**_** just like him. **

_**He knows that.**_

**Not like **_**those two**_** siting in the front, chatting and laughing about **_**some old TV show**_**.**

**And he asks himself why did it have to happen to him? For some reason,****being Gotham ****means**** people are "**_**disappearing**_**" never to be seen again...**

**This is **_**Gotham**_**, a **_**city**_**, a **_**mother**_** that often cast****s**** out her children randomly.**

**Sadly, the answer is **_"Why not?"_

**Three weeks go by. Every morning all the men in the warehouse they came to call "**_**home**_**" wake up at ****five**** in the morning. Mr. Smith is a **_**newbie**_**, as most of the men in there are. With the exceptions of the **_**Top Guards**_**, nobody's been there for more than **_**eight months**_**...he wonders**** when**** his time will come to **_**die**_**, tortured by the simple **_**whim**_** of three maniacs, three sadistic beings with not regard for **_**human life**_** whatsoever.**

**At least Catherine and Alex, although being **_**loyal lapdogs**_** to their **_**masters**_**, seem to be more **_**human**_**, more **_**approachable**_**... but just as **_**dangerous**_**. **

**First lesson to****learn: Get ****on**** their **_**good side**_**, maybe **_**nothing**_** will happen. Second rule: Do as **_**they**_** say, never ask **_**why**_**. Third, and most important: Never, **_**ever**_** approach a member of the **_**Royal Family**_** without an **_**appointment**_**. If you do, you're **_**dead**_**, possibly **_**tortured**_** in the process.**

**Every morning they wake up and have a **_**simple breakfast**_**, then they start training. First, running through the grounds for half an hour, and then five hours of shooting lessons, and then some hand-to-hand combat training. **

**In the warehouse, **_**rumor**_** has it that both Catherine and Alexander were at some point, **_**military**_**. It's never been **_**confirmed**_**, nobody knows **_**too much**_** about them.**

**Or maybe it was **_**the**__**Joker **_**as an**_** ex-military**_**, teaching **_**those two**_** how to behave like **_**ones?**_

_**Still no answers.**_

_**Today**_** it's the **_**day**_** that may **_**define**_** his life: it's been a month since he was "**_**hired**_**" by the Royal Family. He was told usually the **_**Top Guards**_** write **_**reports**_** on their behavior, and there's a rumor going on about the members and the Top Guards having **_**cameras**_** all around the place to **_**spy**_** on them, but it was just that: **_**a rumor.**_

**Five men are standing in front of a table in the **_**main warehouse,**_** where the Joker and his so called Family live. Five men, **_**Mr. Smith between them**_**, are stiff, nervous****,**** and trying not to cry. They know it: only **_**one**_** of them, maybe **_**two**_**, will be **_**left**_** at the end of the **_**"interview".**_

**Catherine and Alex are there too, flanking both sides of the table where the Family is sitting. They look menacing with their semi-automatic guns, serious and unfeeling.**

**Harley Quinn is chewing gum, apparently bored at the "**_**little show**_**" while reading**** the**_**psychiatric evaluations**_** she's been doing ****on**_**them**_**. **

**The Joker is also reading something, looking **_**extremely bored**_**.**

**Queen of Hearts is also **_**readin**__**g**_** files, looking **_**interested**_**; once in a while an almost imperceptible **_**smirk**_** appears on her face.**

_**Harley Quinn:**_** The **_**psychiatrist**_**. She's the one saying if you'll **_**snap**_** soon and do something **_**stupid**_**, if you actually have **_**balls**_** to be there, no matter if you want it **_**or not.**_

_**The Joker:**_** Analyzing how good you are with **_**guns**_**, hand-to-hand combat****,**** and if you had a **_**criminal record**_** before this. If you're crazy **_**enough**_**, if you're **_**unfeeling**_**. If you're **_**worthy**_**.**

_**Queen of Hearts:**_**The **_**Detective**_**, seeing every single **_**small detail**_** of your life written in an innocent file, while she looks up for things to **_**threaten**_**, to **_**bribe**_**, and to **_**blackmail**_** you with.**

_**The perfect team to create the Perfect Army, suited at their taste and likings.**_

**The Joker motions both women to talk to him, and Mr. Smith can't hear what they're saying from the other side of the room. Catherine and Alexander are still there, silent.**

_**The Joker**_** stands up and without saying a **_**word**_**, simply shoots at the first man **_**explaining**_**: **

-He didn't have _good aim_. Enough said, _bye bye._

**Stay still, don't show any emotions. If not, the next being shot will be you.**

**They have to stay there, waiting for their deaths, **_**while they still talk**_**. **

**This time **_**Harley Quinn**_** is the one standing, **_**toying with a gun**_**. She looks at them carefully, **_**examinating**_**... and shoots the man by his side, **_**no remorse.**_

**She says, in a professional and bussiness-like tone:**

-He suffered from drug addiction and Obsessive-Compulsive behaviour. Risk to himself and others... _wasn't worth my time._

**And then **_**The**_** Puppeteer stands, also with a gun in her hands...**

**-**_Mr. Smith,_ you have a _wife_, Mrs. Diana Smith, _am I correct?_

-_Yes, ma'am_.

_**And she shoots him.**_** She turns to the rest of the family explaining. **

-As soon as we would have let him see his family again, he would have tried to reach the police at risk of being arrested himself. _That was how deep his love for his family was_. Stupid... _they're already dead_

**The Joker stands and simply says to the two men left **

-_Welcome_...to our _little organization_. You'll be here until _I_ say otherwise, so..._bye bye, get the fuck out of here._

**The men walk away, feeling **_**relieved**_**, but still **_**scared**_**.**

**So, for them it's **_**that simple?**_** Why hasn't anyone **_**rebelled**_** against them?**

**No one has **_**the guts**_** to do it... everybody's afraid of their own secrets, the safety of their family, relatives and friends... and some are there just there for the**_** money.**_

**Once the new guards leave, Queen of Hearts starts **_**giggling**_**, she tries to supress it. She's not supposed to **_**giggle**_**, she's supposed to be **_**serious**_**. But she can't repress**** it****, **_**and who really cares?**_** After all, nobody's **_**above her**_**, nobody can **_**reproach**_** her. **

**She can't **_**stop**_** laughing and soon the Joker joins her, **_**his laugh loud and terrifying**_**. Harley starts laughing too, **_**punching the table,**_** while the Joker just places her in his lap and **_**she laughs louder**_**.**

-_Funny_...- the Joker takes a deep breath, while the laughs start to fade away- we never look up _this shit_...- he grabs a manila folder full of blank papers- but they think _we do...-_he laughs again, he can't avoid it- _we just play Russian roulette with them!-_ He ends up yelling the last sentence, and once again the whole Royal Family laughs and laughs, while three corpses lie in the ground.

**Catherine and Alexander are nonchalant. They show no emotions at all.**

-Hey, _G.I. Jane!-_ Harley shouts to Catherine who turns her face to her, completely serious.

_-Ma'am?_

-_Clean the mess_, they start to _stink_ after a couple of days, _would ya?_

-_Of course ma'am._

- Get the fuck outta here_, you two-_ the Joker tells them in a patronizing tone, mocking at them and their military, serious behavior

- Good day, then, _Sir and Madames_- Alexander nods and leaves, his gun hanging on his shoulder being followed by his wife.

**They walk to the guards' warehouse. They only ones with the privilege of having a **_**room on their own.**_

-"_Clean the mess"-_ Catherine mimics Harley, slamming the door as she enters behind Alex.

Alexander snickers- She never acted like that where _we_ came from.

-_Fucking Barbie bimbo_ and then them, the so called _Royal Siblings_!- Cat throw her hands into the air. -_Siblings! Ha, the fucking, ha! What a bad joke_.-

Alexander smiles softly and walks up behind her as she begins to remove her gun holsters.

-What are ya really mad at, _Cat_?- He unlatches them for her and lean nuzzles her neck with his nose, he chuckles as she sighs- I always know how to make you feel better, so how about I do just that, hm, _Kitty-cat?_

-We can't, Alex- and she even sounds disappointed_- the show..._

Alex kisses her cheek- Of course, _the show..._We can't keep an audience waiting can we, _Cats?_

-_Step right up, step right up!_ Witness the most _twisted comedy, tragedy, drama_ combination to ever take the _stage_, Ladies and Gentlemen!- Cat throws her hands out, staring at Alex.

Alex grins and wraps an arm around her shoulder and sweeps his hand in front of her. -The Queen of Hearts and the Joker. Siblings? _No_. Husband and wife? _Absolutely!_

-_Children so spoiled_, Alex, that- she looks at him seriously- they can't _stand_ to be _together_, but they go _depressive_ when apart! Two people _poisoned_ in their _need_ for one another!

-_Come on folks_,- Alex lets her go and waves to the room, gesturing for the nonexistent people to come closer –you know want to see it! _Jack and Alicia_—oops—I mean, Joker _and Hearts!_ Two people who just couldn't accept _fate_! Couldn't be _happy_! They tempted _F__ortune_!-

-More like _gouged her eyes_ out and gave her a _bloody smile_- Cat demonstrates.

-_Ouch_...But yes, but Fortune had the last laugh, my pet! It turned them into fucking nuts!- He laughs.

-You'd have to be to run around as a _damn clown_ _and be obsessed with Lewis Carol characters._ Where's the nut cracker! _We need a nut cracker, stat!-_

Alex clicks his tongue -Oh, fresh out! But seriously..._what went wrong?_ They were given a _second chance, _for heaven sakes and they use it _like this?!-_

Cat shakes her head, suddenly the humor is gone -They _resent_ one another, and yet at the same time _love_ each other. It is an affection so _poisoned_...and the Joker and the Queen of Hearts were _born_ from it, _the fire that turned Allie and Jack__ to__ ashes_.-

-Love- Alex spits bitterly and glances around the room -Are they in love? Or is it some sick power struggle that will never end, and only snare more and more unfortunate souls?-

-What a sick, horrid painting! It makes me sick!- Cat scoffs and stalks to the vanity and begins to take off her clothes, throwing them on the floor.

-_A painting based on lies_ is no better to anyone than a _glass of spilled milk_.- Alex says softly watching her, somberly- it's lies_...all of it!_ Hearts and Joker are so _miserable_, so _vindicative_ against the world, but they only have themselves _to blame_. It started with _one lie...-_

-He's my brother- Cat turns around clutching her heart -You know, _and no offense_, she should taken out Harley the minute _she opened her mouth._ It would have been easy...we all know she always keeps a _weapon_ handy! It would have been as _simple_ as: _BANG!-_

Alex clutches his heart and falls to the floor, and Cat laughs, but it's short lived and Alex stands back up and holds her close to him, head in her wavy hair. He stares over head, at the wall -_One lie started it all_...and then _more lies_ had to be added. They made a _joke_ of love, of marriage, _of life_! What vile _wretched creatures_ these two examples of human beings are.-

Cat nods and her eyes follow his -_Lies, lies, deception, poison, death, cruelty, lies_. And with each new lie the _misery_ grows. You would think such great _manipulators_ would realize that their own actions were to blame for _their misery.-_

_**Ehh...**_** is it my **_**imagination**_** or they **_**actually**_** are doing all **_**this stuff**_** because they **_**know**_** I'm here... ?**

**Ok, let me see... **_**ooops?**_** I forgot to push the **_**invisibility button...**_** I knew I was forgetting **_**something**_**...**

_**No, wait, no.**_** I **_**did**_** push **_**that**_** button... **_**nah**_**, they're just being **_**overly dramatic**_**. **

**Nah, I don****'****t make... **_**mistakes**_**.**

**I **_**never**_** do anything wrong, **_**never**_**. Really, **_**believe me.**_

_**You believe me?**_

**Good, **_**on with the show!**_

**Cat pulls out of Alex's arms and steps to the closet. She pulls out familiar ensemble of clothing, an exact replica of Heart's suit. She throws it on the bed in the room and then points at the door.**

- Hearts's all _your_ fault Joker met Harley, all _your_ fault because you told her you were _his sister_ that she married him. _You set up this play._ You did it...and you _groan_ because he's with another woman. _It's called discretion_. You really should have _killed her_ the moment she believed your story "_So... he's your brother?" "No..."_ and then _BANG_! _End of the story!_

Alex chuckles darkly and then sets his gaze on the door as well -And Joker, you're not _innocent_ in this either. You should have _killed_ Harley, not followed _Hearts's plan_. Then Hearts wouldn't have _her own puppet_ and your wife wouldn't be with _another man,_ _enjoying him_. You don't have room to _whine_ either. You _reminiscence_ about a past you denied; _and you think you deserve it back?_ Second chances aren't easy to come by, that's why people teach their children to be _happy_ with that they got. _And you couldn't even accept that_!- He laughs cruelly. -Well, I hate to be a bearer of bad news but too bad! _Too fucking bad!-_

Cat is now at the vanity placing vials of grease paint from a drawer on the top -Your _selfishness_ brought you to your present of decay and sorrow. _Cry, cry, all you want_. You gave up all the _honor_ of having such long ago.- She then steps into the bathroom, for they as Top Guards get their own.

**The door isn't closed and Alex stares in there, smiling when water comes on. He turns and also walks to the closet. He laughs**.

-Let me tell you, my fine audience, _excuse our sober moment,_ but ah, we just _wonder_...Joker and Hearts so miserable, _immersed in lies_, but you know if they stopped living the lies, _they'd be happier._ It's _not_ too late for them to be _saved_. Their goals were _admirable_, I understand them, but they just went about them _the wrong way_...They can be saved...but in order to be saved I want proof, _we want proof.-_

He goes to the closet and pulls out a replica of the Joker's attire. He gestures outward and then shouts -Proof! _I want proof_! Proof that you still _deeply care for one another!_ You're _impossible_ to save otherwise. _Ah, but do you honestly think we'll get it?!-_ He begins to divest himself as well, right down to his underclothes.

He opens a vial of the greasepaint, white, and begins to smear it across his face. His eyes stare into the mirror and he smiles, -_Two pairs of eyes have watched the Royal Family_. Two people know the truth, _the whole truth,_ and nothing but..._and you know what?_ They know it's time for Joker and Hearts to have a helping of _their own medicine.-_

He seems satisfied with the white covering of paint and the water of the shower is still going. He opens the black and starts to ring his eyes. -If you think they can be _saved_, if you think the _corroded Queen and the Jester deserve mercy_, then you must agree that they're going to need _help_...and do you think Joker and Hearts can save themselves from _drowning_? Is so, believe the best candidates _have shown up.-_ He cracks a revealing grin at the mirror, although his eyes dart. His fingers slip into the last container of paint, this one crimson.

He begins to cover his lips and then cranes his head downward. The water stops.

-All their tactics for manipulation and power are about to be revised, reused, a_nd turned on them like the barrel of a gun_. The shot will ring _loudly_ in their ears. We, _the redeemers_ have fallen through the _Rabbit Hole_ and we're planning on _mastering this Wonderland_.-

**And he looks up and smirks _darkly_ into the mirror with a ghastly scarlet smile.**

_**He's ready, so is she.**_

**The other guards are _eagerly_ waiting for them, this is one of the few _chances_ they get to mock at their "_employees_"... they enjoy it. They've seen lies played every week, every _Wednesday_ by Catherine and Alexander... _lies, lies and more lies_ being played, mocking at the _seemigly_ almighty _Royal Family of Crime._**

**_HA! _Let me roll my eyes,_ disgusted..._**

**_Tonight_, the family's separate: **

**Harley Quinn just woke up, and an strange yet familiar voice is back in her head: _NiNi_**

**Jonathan Crane is in his cell, in Arkham, having an argument with his alter-ego, the one who he thought was dead; _Scarecrow_.**

**_My parents..._ they dont like being in such a _pitiful position_, and they will _fight_. I just know that, _I don__'__t need Story Teller to say it._**

**Queen of Hearts wakes up, throws up until her thoat start aching, she's bleeding. The Joker had a nighmare, he feels different... in this exact moment they're _re-playing_, as _good actors_ they are, the play of _their own lives_, an old memory _drowining them_...**

**_Tonight's_ it's the time for the Family to _cry..._**

**Tonight's it the time for everything to begin: The night the seemingly _loyal guards_ will _parody the truth..._ and start their plan _to reveal it._**

**They get out of their room, and the other guards start che****e****ring and laughing, looking at their superiors dressed up as the Royal Family.**

**They both take a bow and smile to them.**

-Good evening ladies and gentlemen! _We're tonight's entertainment_! – Alex shouts mockingly, making a good practiced impersonation of the Joker. Then he frowns feigning to be confused, looking at the guards in front of him- Although the only woman here, is you _Cat_...- he says motioning to her, who widens her eyes and shrugs- _ehhh.._.- he continues, facing the audience again- Now I only have _one question!_ – he mimics shooting a gun to the ceiling- Who wants to see the next installment of _our little sitcom?_

* * *

We are back! Sorry it took so long, but with one of needing to take care of her college classes, one planning on returning, and both of being so crazy and random, we get distracted very easily. But as you know Philosophy and Sanity can be stubborn sometimes. We hope you love this chapter, please leave your thoughts and reactions! We'd appreciate it…We'll write faster…*nudge-nudge-wink-wink*

The war of the two families is about to begin. Wondering what two families? You'll find out. ;)

-Nezzy (who's got serious problems with a certain "rat"…)

-Amber (who has "Bad Romance" echoing in her head…Nezzy does too…XD)


	27. I Kissed my Bro and I Liked it

-Good evening ladies and gentlemen! _we're tonight's entertainment_! – Alex shouts mockingly, doing a well-practiced impersonation of the Joker. Then he frowns feigning to be confused, looking at the guards in front of him- Although the only woman here, is you _Cat_...- he says motioning to her; her eyes widen and she shrugs- _ehhh.._.- he continues, facing again the audience- Now I only have _one question!_ – he mimics shooting a gun to the ceiling-Who wants to see the next installment of _our little sitcom?_

**The guards start laughing and cheering. Cat poses as Hearts waving a finger to them seriously, and they**** start laughing harder.**

-All of you, excellent!- Alex says putting his hands on the air in mock surrender- Alright! Alright!

**Cat grabs starts digging in her over-sized coat for something boredly, looking up at the ceiling. Then she grins to the audience pulling out a paper and showing it to the guards. It says: **_**"I kissed my Bro and I liked it..."**_

**The guards start laughing again**

**Then she turns it to the other side: **_**"... taste of his cherry chapstick... oh yeah!"**_

**She shrugs apparently confused and takes a lighter, setting on fire the paper. She dumps it to the floor and stomps on it so as not to start a fire inside the warehouse.**

Alex sits down in a chair at a table in the room and pretends to be building a bomb. After some seconds he yawns boredly while "_**Hearts**_**" is standing right next to him, looking carefully at what he's doing, her face straight and serious. He looks concentrated on what's he's supposed to be doing. Then she smirks and winks to the audience, pulling her face closer to him.**

_- Jay?- _Cat says, her voice cold and serious.****

He feigns surprise at her presence, jumping in his chair. He turns around grinning lecherously at her. 

- _Hehe_, you're just in time, Queenie!- he gestures to her-...come help me with this.

**She comes up beside him and they begin to work on the bomb together in silence. "**_**Hearts**_**" stands up and pulls a handkerchief from her back pocket. She wipes a piece off and puts it in her back pocket. "**_**Joker**_**" watches the action secretly, licking his lips, looking directly to her ass.**

**She acts **_**as if**_** she doesn't notice.**

**After a few seconds he reaches behind her and feels up her butt, purposely missing the handkerchief. Both of them smile innocently to the audience. Then Hearts gets suddenly serious. She grabs his hand and places it on the handkerchief, which he smirks at and, with a squeeze, removes it and wipes another piece before replacing the handkerchief rather slowly.**

_**He goes ahead and smacks her butt.**_

**She looks down at him, still sitting in the chair, apparently "**_**offended**_**" at his actions.**

**He stands up and simply shrugs, acting innocent.**

-You're wearing _my_ lipstick again aren't you?- she says after some seconds of silence, her voice serious. She puts her face close to his, smelling his make-up, their noses touching. she pulls away as if nothing had happened- _I smell the cherry_- she states matter of factly

**He rolls his eyes annoyed, pointing at her to the audience and starts to imitate her mockingly. Then she turns around and looks at him menacingly.**

-I broke mine, sis, _c'mon_- he pouts - Besides I'm not complaining about the _watermelon_...- he walks to her slowly-..._it smells nice_- he says cupping her face, pulling hers close to his- even if the lipstick is a little too dark for my tastes- he tells her sarcastically, pulling away, "_analyzing_" the color of her lipstick- hey, _sis_...does it actually _taste_ like watermelon?- he asks her curious _- mine tastes like cherry...!- _he ends in a sing song voice

-_Yes_- she answers nonplussed- actually it does.

**He pulls her close by her waist, winking at the audience. The guards laugh louder. **

_**They know what's coming.**_

-_Well, can I taste it?-_ he asks her innocently- You can taste mine...- he offers- so in case you wanna borrow it, you already knows how it tastes, _hmm?_

- Sure, _dear brother,_ you can- she smiles warmly at him- And you're right- she shrugs- I'll taste yours in case I need it later.  
**  
He glances at the audience and kisses "**_**Hearts**_**", slowly pulling her lip into his mouth and then allowing her the same. He pulls back slightly and licks his lips. **

-You're right. It _does_ taste like watermelon- he states

"_**Hearts**_**" hugs him casually, sniffing and hovering above his neck, licking his neck slightly, while he raises his hands mockingly, raising an eyebrow to the audience.**

**She pulls back, and looks at him directly to the eyes, her face serious and straight.**

- _Did you roll in gasoline_?- she asks him- because you don't only _smell_ like it...you also _taste_ like it... - she smirks darkly- you should take a shower _more often_.

**He sighs annoyed and pulls her back to him roughly, repeating her actions.**

-Well, you smell _like_...- he says with his face buried in her neck. Then he pulls her away grinning- _Have you been using my soap again?-_ he asks her, grinning at her maliciously- That's what happens when I let you use my bathroom...-he tells her in a accusatory tone -_you take my soap away!_

-Well if someone would stop throwing _my_ soap out of the shower I wouldn't have to use _yours_... ! -she argues, pretending to be offended- by the way, you really should fix _my bathroom.._. – she tells him casually- it's not like I can always take a shower in _yours_... and what would people think if they see me _naked_ in your _bedroom_- she says suddenly horrified at the idea.

_- Awww,_ there, there, sis- the Joker pets her head mockingly, and she looks up at him annoyed- you're just _my little sistah_, nobody would think that of _us_- he smiles at her innocently- I'll tell _Crane_ to fix your bathroom when he gets back alright?- she nods, and then lowers her head sadly-

- I miss him, you know?- she tells him shyly- _it gets cold and lonely in my bed..._

**The Joker rolls his eyes annoyed.**

- Don't get _depressed_, uh?- he pets her head- Besides, I like the smell, and I sure he will too...- he tells her reassuringly- so maybe, it's a win-win situation. _It'll sure cost less_.-  
**  
She sighs and sits in her chair again, starting to work in the bomb again silently. He sits next to her, helping her.**

-Yes, maybe you're right after all- she sighs sadly.

**Then "**_**The Joker"**_** spills grease in her shirt and mouths "**_**oops**_**" to the audience, grinning from ear to ear.**

**She stares down and frowns**

-_Oh no!-_ she shouts angrily- Stupid, you ruined my _white shirt!-_

- Don't start your _Drama Queen_ routine over a shirt_. Sorry, okay?-_ the Joker apologizes-Well, here, take it off_...c'mon_- he turns his head to the audience. The guards start yelling and cat-calling. He turns to her, smiling sweetly to her- I'm just your _brother_. You were born you were _naked_...and I've seen you _plenty of times_ since then- he smiles lecherously- I mean you're always fainting and someone has to... _well, take your clothes off_- he tells her innocently, making puppy eyes. She smiles warmly at him, mouthing _"thank you_"- I'll take to the _laundry_ for you- he offers.

**  
She nods and slowly, almost teasingly removes the article of clothing. **_**"Joker"**_** licks his lips, eyes seemingly focused on every button and starts **_**humming the main theme of 9 weeks and a half.**_

_**Insert**__** here the audience of men cat-calling in excitement at the removal of the shirt. Add random yells like, "Oh yeah, take it off!", "Boobs!", "Take off the bra! We want tits!" **_

**And bless their hearts, Cat and Alex ignore it all. Seriously, what's the **_**big deal?**_** My Story Teller is **_**hotter**_** than this. I want no other woman than her**_**.**_

**She takes of the shirt and handles it to him. she's wearing a **_**red bra**_** under it and he stays there, looking at her boobs, with smirk-**

- _Really.. nice bra, Queenie. real nice. __I like it...-_ he comments huskily- eh... do you have the _red thong_ to match it?

- Actaully _yes_- she shrug s-_Oh, you know_...- she says suddenly sad, lowering her head- just a gift from _Jon_

- He can out pick clothes, _that's one thing_...- he tells her touching the bra, as if he were a critic- Actually, that's a little _scary_...Haha...- he pulls away laughing and mouthing "_faggot_"-okay, okay, here, give me the shirt.

**He takes it and disappears off to the side while he's gone "**_**Hearts**_**" picks up the bomb they were making and chucks it one of the guy's that was cat-calling's head. That shut up their perverted remarks. "**_**Joker**_**" returns, looks into the audience at a now unconscious member and shrugs before turning back to "**_**Hearts**_**"**

- You know, I like that he's teaching you to embrace your _feminine side_...I like it- he smiles down to her- Yeah, I want my _little sis_ to feel _pretty_- he hugs her softly, making an attempt to grab her ass but not doing it- Like a _ballerina_.

- _Oh, Jay_...- Hearts buries her face in his chest, "_crying_" and "_sobbing_"-I miss him! I miss my _chihuahua_, I mean _Jon_- she keeps crying- He's not in my room anymore, I can't talk to him_...I miss him..._ – she continues- It feels so _cold_ at night, being all alone in my _bed_...- she cries while the Joker looks at the audience smirking and lifting an eyebrow- nobody to hug me... and make me feel _loved_- she ends and the Joker mouthes to the audience _"I will!"_  
**  
He turns his face to her, caressing her hair. He sits in his chair again, placing her in his lap, hugging her by her waist.**

-_Shhh, shhh, I'll protect you, shhh_...- he caresses her head oh so lovingly- c'mon get _comfortable_.-

**Hearts starts moving slightly in his lap "**_**getting confortable**_**". The Joker rolls his eyes back, taking her by her hips and placing her exactly where he wants to.**

**After some seconds she look innocently at him, still "**_**crying**_**".**

**  
**- Jay, Somethings is _poking_ at me...- she tells him confused- is that your _knife?_

**The Joker winks in complicity to the other guards who start laughing harder, some of them **_**"his cock, bitch!" "yeah right, his knife!"**_

**He looks back at her innocently.**

**  
**- Yeah it is. _Shhhh_- he pets and kisses her head -you're alright - he kisses her cheek- why don't ya sleep with me tonight? You'll wake up feeling better, _you always do_- he tells kissing the corner of her mouth-

- But Jay... _what would people think about that?-_ she asks him concerned

**They both turn to the audience, smirking maliciously**

**He kisses her lips and after pulling away, glances around for a moment. **

_**-**__Ooops?_

**They look at each other innocently, and make puppy eyes to the audience, while the guards laugh louder.**

"_**The Joker**_**" starts humming looking up the ceiling, and "**_**accidentally**_**" kisses her again, this time for a longer time, while the audience start cheering and cat-yelling.**

- _Ooops I did it again?-_ he smiles looking to the guards, who just start shouting "You're the man, Alex" "C'mon Cat, show us your tits!" and generally sexist things.

**Catherine, posing again as Hearts, stands up and looks down to her "**_**brother**_**", her face stern and serious.**

-No, no, that's not the _song_...- she says business like- I think the song _is_...- she muses_- "I kissed my bro..._- she sings taking a microphone from her over-sized coat- _and I liked it"_

**Okay, this is weird as hell... **_**she**_**... I can't believe they're actually doing this, but she pressed play on a CD player and now they're about to... **_**sing**_**? Oh for the Boss's name...**

_**They are about to do karaoke!**_

"_**As you might now we never plan, not, our intention"**_**- **Cat grins smugly and waves her finger as she sings.

"_**But we saw an experiment, how grand. Excuse our lack of discretion"- **_Alex adds in and innocently pulls Cat closer to him by the hip, and licks his lips as he finishes his line before placing a kiss at the nape of Cat's neck.

"_**It 's just what I'm used to, no don't let anybody know"**_**- **They put a finger to their lips as if saying "_Shhh_" and Cat grabs Alex but, rolls her eyes innocently.

"_**I don't care if you're curious, I don't want that attention**_**"-**Alex recites, with the utmost sarcasm he pulls out a gun from the folds of his overcoat and his smile grows dark and malicious as he aims at the audience.

"_**I kissed my bro, I liked it, taste of his cherry chapstick"-**_ Cat grabs Alex by the hips and kisses him quickly licking her lips when she pulls away.**  
**

"_**I kissed my sis just to try it, I hope the puddle don't mind it"**_** - **He mimics Harley and Cat laughs.

_**It was wrong**_** - **both of them roll their eyes sarcastically**- **_**But it felt so right**_**-**t hey grin at each other and Alex winks at the public in complicity -_**Don't mean we're in love tonight**_** -**Alex smirks maliciously.**  
**

**-**_Or any other night-_she talks, doesn't sing, and waves her finger

_**I kissed my bro/sis and I liked it, I liked it**_" -Alex pulls Cat to him by her hand. His arms go around her waist, hers around his neck. They sing the words getting closer to one another until they say the last line and then they're making out passionately.

**For being a parody they take it really seriously... well, I guess they do enjoy being on stage... here you have two other huge fat liars trying to demonstrate a truth... but at least they're funny while doing it.**

**-**_**"No, nobody knows our names, and yeah, it does matter **_**- **Alex and Cat nod in a scolding manner. Alex pets the head of one of the guards mockingly, but the guard just laughs, his chuckles gaining volume when Cat pulls Alex away and kisses him again

_**A shut mouth is advised, you know**_**- **Cat sings, pulling out a spoon, and wiping it off nonchalantly with a tissue she also pulls from her pocket _**-to avoid our violent nature –  
**_

_**It's not what, good bros do..**_

_**It's not what a good sis does...**_

**They glare snidely at each other in frustration as they say "**_**bros**_**" and "**_**sis**_**" at the same time.**

**Haha! They stumbled into each other while singing**!

**-**_**No, not how we should behave**_**-**Their frowns become smiles and Alex pulls Cat closer. One of his hands trails up her waist to glide over one of her breasts before switching direction to rest on her upper back

_**-But we get so confused**_**-**They turn to the audience eyes wide and lips pouting as they glance around as if frightened and lost

_-__**So hard not to not misbehave**_**-**They laugh and coyly they stare at each other, their lips stretching into more lecherous grins as the moment continues.

_**-I kissed my sis, i liked it, taste of her watermelon chapstick-**_Alex kisses Cat once again.

-_**I kissed my bro, just to try it**_**-**Cat shrugs nonchalantly, the smallest of smiles quirking her lips.

_-__**I hope my chihuahua doesn't mind it.**_**-** She stares down as if at a puppy. Alex wraps an around her shoulder and points his finger mouthing "Jump, sit, bad boy!"

_**-It is so wrong-**_They look at the ceiling, yawning in boredom

-_**But it feels so right**_**- **Their eyes find the audience and they smirk.

_-__**Don't mean we're in love tonight-**_Cat sings in a stern voice.

_-__Or any other night, which doesn't mean we don't get kinkier than this folks__- _Alex says in a rush, waving his gun whilst grinning like a Cheshire cat.

_**-I kissed my bro/sis and I liked it, I liked it-**_They turn to one another and fall into another searing kiss.

_-__**I kissed my bro I liked it, taste of his clown cherry chapstick-**_She touches his mouth briefly, looking very mischievous.

_**-I kissed my sis, just to try it...-**_ He shrugs, but innocently pulls Cat more fully against him.

_-__**I hope the blond doc doesn't mind it -**_He imitates Harley, acting like a five-year old.

_-__**Oh, it was wrong But it felt so right Don't mean we're in love-**_They put their fingers to their mouths, "Shhh"

_-__**I kissed my bro/sis and I liked it, I liked it-**_

**They really get into this part, singing with their all their heart as if they are the greatest artists. Alex is now behind her, hugging her around the waist.**

-_Something's poking me_- she complains craning her head to glare at Alex, who shrugs and puts his hands up, giving her a sugary, innocent smile.

_**-My sis is just so beautiful, Soft lips, nice smell, so kissable-**_He stared down at her and kisses her softly, leaning his head down

_**-Hard to resist him, green curls, so touchable-**_She runs her fingers through his hair, while he reaches down and grabs her ass softly.

**-**_**Ain't no big deal, it's innocent-**_They laugh darkly.

_-__**I kissed my sis, i liked it, taste of her watermelon chapstick,  
I kissed my bro, just to try it,  
I hope our lapdogs don't mind it.  
It is so wrong,  
But it feels so right...  
Don't mean we're in love tonight  
I kissed my bro/sis and I liked it.  
I liked it-**_

**They sing the whole chorus once again as if they're **_**professional**_** singers, moving across their stage until by the end they stand before the table. Alex pushes her onto, where she sits and he kisses her deeply. Their hands entangle in the other's hair as they ravage their partner's mouth in earnest.**

**When they finally pull away at first it seems, they have forgotten about the audience. Alex stares softly at Cat who just smiles gently, but a crude remark suddenly brings them back to reality. Alex glares at them.**

-_What?_ You never saw _two siblings_ making out?- He waves one of his hands dismissively- Well, go! Go, _mind your own business!-_

_**See?**_** I told you in some **_**strange way**_** they would tell the **_**truth**_**... but nobody there dares to take it **_**seriously**_**, it's some comic relief that the so called "**_**Royal Family"**_** ( and insert here a long eye roll of utter annoyance at those poor beings... again**_**, I pity my parents...)**_

**Risking to sound like my daddy in law...**

_**I'll get popcorn and a coke for this movie.**_

**You must be asking a very reasonable question after the little show:**

_**How the hell are they still alive?!**_

**I'll proceed to explain while they change for the **_**next and last act**_** of tonight.**

**They were the first Joker's "**_**henchmen/woman**_**". They proved themselves intelligent, loyal and terribly accurate when in business. They follow orders without hesitation, no matter what.**

**The Joker **_**(aka Jack or Thalia Muse of comedy locked in a freak's body)**_** may be heartless, a cold murderer, but he's **_**intelligent**_**. When you come across two people who are loyal enough for a reasonable amount of money, who follow orders exactly as they were told... **_**nah**_**, you don't have to kill them **_**right away**_**. **

**Not to say that day **_**won't**_** come, but dear little Cat and Alex, have a **_**plan**_** for that. **

**But, I should shut up, you don't know any of that****. **

_**Yet. **_

**Back to my explanation. So Joker won't kill them because they're **_**loyal**_**, and they don't attempt to theatrically overthrow the Royal Family because acting in the shadows as puppet masters is **_**too much fun**_**. Do you see any similarities between these two and two other people you've come to know as **_**Queenie and Jay?**_** But yes, loyal to a fault, he doesn't have to kill them right away. **

_**Well, he thinks they're loyal...Ha ha.**_

**Not taking in consideration they are **_**military**_**, that they are the ones who tr**_**ain an army.**_**.. the Joker wouldn't take his time to do that, neither for "**_**recruitment**_**".**

**They were the ones picking up the guys who would pull the heist or opening scene **_**(for the love of the Boss... how did this happen?!**_**) at the beginning of what you call "**_**The Dark Knight"**_** and I call "**_**The Little Bet**_**", Alex posed as the Joker for them not to recognize him during the heist, **_**simple as that**_**. That's what gave him and Cat the idea for these plays. He made a **_**convincing**_** Joker, it's a little **_**scary**_**, when you think about who his actual dad is, **_**but I'll hush**_**.**

**I'm getting as bad as **_**Story T**_**eller when it comes to almost revealing stuff that would be fun to **_**find out on your own**_**. Okay, so he posed as the Joker and you know what? They even made a little joke with the **_**buses**_**, numbering the bus in which he escaped "22": **_**Madness.**_

**He appreciated the joke and decided not to kill Joker has a thing with vanity; anybody who can think at his level and come up with those kind of jokes are great in his book. You don't find very many people like that, which is another reason he doesn't kill them. **_**They're funny.**_

**As years go by, and as I explained in the ****the last... **_**chapter**_**? So this is simply **_**fanfiction**_**? Wow, I didn't know **_**that!**_** That explains why the Boss didn't make us all disappear and throw the **_**seven plagues over earth.**_

**Wait... my little siren is **_**craving**_** after some kiwis and strawberries...did I forget to tell you she's **_**pregnant? **_

_**I'm gonna be a daddy!**_** I'm so happy, we found out last night... **_**so much night exercise... it had to happen.**_

**We found out last night when **_**Boss**_** called us to tell us we would have a baby girl called **_**Grace**_**...**

**Anyway, I got off the road again...**

**Years go by, these two are the perfect little guards and they do a perfect job, they are respectful (**_**in the most sarcastic tone possible)**_**, and they gained something weird besides a huge pile of money: **_**trust**_** from the Royal Family. Do you know how hard that is? I mean it's as **_**rare**_** as the chance of getting struck by lightning three times in a row. And that, my friends, **_**is R-A-R-E. Rare!**_

**So, if any of those guards of **_**low rank**_** decides to go and tell them about these plays...**_**they're dead**_**. They know that...and so do Cat and Alex. **_**They get a little kick out of that.**_

**It's **_**their word**_** against the word of the **_**Top Guards,**_** who've been there for **_**years**_**, and they've been there for a **_**week**_**. See? Yeah, there's little incentive to saying anything to the Royal Family, besides you think the Joker and Hearts will actually **_**talk**_** to their lower ranking guards? Ha, no...If those guys even open their mouth to Jon and Harley they get tortured, and if they're lucky, **_**that's it.**_** Most of them aren't lucky, but, hey, they go with a smile. **_**A nice drippy, red smile...and they probably don't have eyes either...**_

**Anyway, they're back...**

**Oh great, they decided to go on with the "**_**Tea Party"**_** thingy.**

_**Not to be confused with Hearts' version of it.**_

**Both of them come back to the impromptu stage wearing doctor's clothes. Cat wears a blonde wig and a jester hat, and Alex has a burlap mask held in his hand.**

**Both of show give their backs to the audience, there are labels there: "**_**The Queen's Dangerous Chihuahua"**_** and "**_**The Prince's Funny Poodle".**_

**The guards laugh at the old reference of Harley shouting that...**_**and maybe the irony of being a lapdog herself.**_

**They are sitting in a table, drinking tea and acting **_**oh so nicely**_** to each other. This is like a **_**car crash**_**. It's **_**humiliating**_**, I really **_**shouldn't**_** watch it, but I **_**can't**_** look away. Did they just **_**smirk**_** at **_**me**_**? No, no, they can't see me, **_**I have to remember that.**_

-So- "_Harley_" starts- you married Queenie, that's nice- she smiles at him nicely, cocking her head slightly- _I hope she destroys you.  
_  
-Why Harley, thanks- "_Crane_" smiles back at her sipping his tea- I keep waking up every morning hoping maybe the Joker finally got _annoyed_ with your voice and _murdered you._

-_Awww, how sweet_- she giggles- We're great friends, nothing but, _eh?_- she says with a hint of sarcasm, sipping her tea and "_Jon_" laughs- Married to a bunch of _whack jobs_ that claim they're brother and sister and we're _too stupid_ to realize they act a little _too_ _close_ for that- she says nodding and closing her eyes, still smiling from ear to ear.

_- I know!-_ Jonathan laughs -aren't we _idiots?_

-Yes, _we are!-_ Harley agrees cheerfully- _A toast to our idiocy!___

**They're talking like all this is great and wonderful and life is a rainbow of happiness. They're smiling.**

**This is a little **_**over the top**_**... but seeing how those **_**two normal mortals**_** parody their poor excuses of lives...that's when you can proudly call yourself "**_**lame**_**".**

**And my dad **_**kicks ass**_**, my mother is psychotic but she's **_**bad ass...**_

**This is completely **_**humiliating**_** for me as their **_**son**_**... and the worst part is that I actually **_**miss them**_**... I'll be back in a couple of minutes while I see if my little siren gives me some of her **_**strawberries**_**...**

**They're **_**anti-depressive**_**, did you know that?**

**-**Do you realize that at this very moment your wife is giving a _blow job_ to...ahem.. _another man?_ Isn't that _nice?_

-Yes, and _your husband_ is enjoying it. _Great, huh_?

-My husband taught your wife the thing you like...and she taught him the thing I do...I can just smell the _betrayal_ in the air..._Ahhhh_...what a horrible..._day_...- the last word slips out a little forced, but "_Harley_" just giggles.

**-**Yes... I think she practices her _flexibility_ with him... I guess... it's going to _rain_ isn't it?

_**Back again!**_** Oh, and it got good.**

-_Lord_ only knows what he practices with _her_...-she smiles at him, her smile starting to fade away, but still in it's place, forced- yeah...it's going to _rain_...- she comments looking at his eyes- just _our tears_ you know...? _No big..._

**Both their mouths twitch slightly, but the smiles remain there... **_**seriously**_**... if my parents fell to the bottom of the pit of hell...this would be their nightmare.**

_**That sums it up, I think.**_

**- **_Well_...- Harley continues- I guess it's just _normal_ to be cheated on? It happens to _everyone_...- she shrugs- at some point of their lives and _why not_ your wife and my husband, _huh?_

**Not **_**normal**_** at all, Cat!**

**I will never be cheated on! **_**NEVER!**_

-No, it's _not_ normal to be cheated on...- he replies, sipping his tea, in a nonchalant tone- But, hell, why not _our spouses?!-_ he shouts excitedly, still smiling- What a _horrid joke_, right?

-My husband would appreciate it- she says smiling at him- _terrific joke_...-

- We both are a _huge joke_- he agrees -right?-

-_We are_- she shrugs, a tear falling from her eye, but she's still smiling.

-_Already raining?-_ "Jonathan" asks in mock concern.

-No, it's just- she smiles at him, wiping the tear from her eye- _something got in my eye._

- Okay... I think it started raining...- he takes a cookie and eats it- _or is it them in the shower?_

-They are laughing... _really hard_- she states, looking down for a second, sadly- I guess it's the _shower_.

- Was that a _moaning?-_ he asks her lowering his head too- or it's just my _paranoia_ developing in _strange ways?_

- Not your imagination, _dear_- she says seriously, with a note of sarcasm in the last word- Now it is _actually raining_...-Her mouth twitches more- You ever thought about taking _Hearts' gun_ and ending it all?- she shouts happily, her eyes starting to water- _I have_! I mean, what a _screwed up_ life- she laughs- We can't see what's _right in front of us._

-I have thought about ending our _miserable existences_.

- But the _difference_ between you and me...- "Harley" stands up and puts her hands in his shoulders- You _deserve_ to suffer Crane...- she whispers loud enough for the audience to hear- _You ruined my life._

-Well, I hope you're happy. _We're in Hell,_ Harleen...- he turns his head, looking at her seriously- You have your tormentor and I have mine...- he states icily-_Just like you said._ How _sharp_ you were- he smirks at her and takes a sip of his drink again, while Harley sits in her chair again- _do_ _you think his penis is larger than mine?-_ he asks suddenly after a moment- maybe the reason she's moaning _so loud?_

- _How should I know?-_ she asks looking at the audience and winking an eye in complicity while, "Jonathan" simply shrugs.

-Under all those clothes is she _prettier_ than I was?- she smiles at him- Does she satisfy you _better_ than I did?- she looks down and closes her eyes for a moment- I really hope you lick her shoes before bed- she looks at him smiling nicely again- _it's just fitting to your chihuahua reputation.  
_  
-Yes- he lowers his head and answers- _to both_.

- _Awww, Jonny_...- she makes a gesture with her hand, her laugh forced-You're such a _liar_

**Both of them stay in silence, looking at each other, both with their hands in their laps. Their smiles are gone, their eyes suddenly sad, watering-**

-I'm still _wondering_ about the size of his penis... – he breaks the silence, his voice sad- did she just moaned "_oh God, Jay"?_

-_Yes she did_- "Harley" answers simply- I could _measure_... but your balls would end up cut off in the _process_...

-She's not _prettier_ than you...- he looks at her right to her eyes, smirking slightly- but whatever she's practicing right now is _much better_ of what you used to do

**Both of them stay in silence suddenly "Harley" starts crying while "Jonathan" just looks down, catatonic. Harley sits in Jon's lap and sobs harder in his shoulder, while he simply puts his hand on her waist, still shocked.**

-_Now it's raining_... – Harley points out and starts laughing sadly. Jonathan looks at her and starts crying too.

The audience that was laughing for a while now just stays silent, finding the scene hilarious, but sad at the end.

Both cat and Alex stay in silence, until they realize the act is done.

-And...- Catherine stands up

-_TADA!_- both of them shout to the audience, while they start clapping.

-Well, now, you know the _routine_- Cat smiles nicely to the guards- tell anyone about this and _we kill you._

-It's your word against ours- Alex adds nonchalant- you're _newbies_, we're the _Top Guards._

-And if you ever get close to the family and talk directly to them...- Cat sighs.

-_You know they will torture you._

-So, if you ever talk about these _little shows_...- Cat claps her hands together and smirks- we will kill you, or they will and torture you before, you know they're _sadistic_.

-So, kids, go to bed, we'll go to ours. And no complaints about _moans_ in the morning, children. Here we are like your parents... _We can take care of you_...

-Or we can do as _we please_ with you.

**ST: A****nd the play is done!  
**

**EQ: W****eren't you supposed to be in bed?  
**

**ST: Yeah, but you're still depressed about your parents... wow, they look pathetic! On the other hand, my parents look as pathetic as them...  
**

**EQ: It's okay, they'll be back soon?  
**

**ST: Ehh.... I don't want to spoil the party... but you come here and eat some strawberries... they're anti-depressive, as you said...  
**

**EQ: Okay..  
**

**ST: It's ok.... ugh, so "**_**Nezzy**_**" did dye her hair...  
**

_Nezzy says: __What? My cousin was experimenting with my hair...  
_

**ST: Y****eah right... you **_**bitch**_**...**

_I'll ignore that comment and please stop talking to me? Really, I just wanna type this thing and go to sleep..._

**EQ: Bitch...**

_Okay, it seems the new narrators don't want to finish this, I'll do it: And the kids went to bed, did naughty things and now they're sleeping? Happy? Now get out of my head! How much I'd love to be a sane person..._

_**S**__**ystem down again, Nezzy autopilot, Amber autopilot**_

**SN: Ah, but you can't...and now neither can I.  
**

**ST: What do you want?  
**

**SN: Me? I don't want anything...nothing at all...  
**

**EQ: Yeah right, aren't you suppose make sure no one else in this little fanfic, right, loses their mind?  
**

**SN: Everyone's a lost cause, so really...my job would be to what? Do you know how hard it is to go from being insane back to sane?  
**

**EQ: Aren't Cat and Alex sane?  
**

**SN: Are they?  
**

**ST:...They are, aren't they?  
**

**SN: Maybe....but then again...what's sanity to do when it's secretly insane?**

**EQ: Bitches the both of the them.  
**

**ST: This all started when you took those Lions in.**

**EQ: But they're just babies.**

**ST: Flesh eating babies...yeah...**

**EQ: I promised.**

**ST:...I really am going back to bed.**

**SN: Good, I want you out of my head too! My vessel has more important things to do than **

**waste time arguing with you.**

**ST: But you started it.**

**SN: What? I can't hear you!**

**EQ: Bitch.**

**PH: As they went to bed, my vessel is now supposed to be sleeping and she'll wake up again scared shitless of the fact this thing "writes itself" I'll just say two things: Sanity?!**

**SN: What now?**

**PH: Just make sure Nezzy keeps thinking it's just her wild imagination and having a severe case of insomnia, yeah? I really don't want to end up again in a mental hospital.**

**SN: It's okay, you won't.**

**PH: So please come back for the next chapter where the Royal Family is back in business... and the plot thickens thanks to "Nini"and "Scarecrow" A.K.A my psychotic neighbors and... I'm not good narrating. Oops? My mortal parents are about to come inside my bedroom and discover me writing again. Ciao! Come back for the next chapter and... the plot thickens!  
**

**SN: Bye, Philly! I'm going to stay and be an insomniac...I want some chocolate. But, yeah! You all come back because "Nini" and "Scarecrow" will make this interesting. I wonder if Cat and Alex will meet the infamous personalities? Oh, this will be fun...Oops...I forgot this was still on. Bye dear, darling, Readers! **

**Oh, and don't forget to send reviews because, really… as annoying it can be… "Nezzy" has really low self-esteem lately… So cheer her up because I can't do all the job alone… the girl is crazy... and there's no way back.**

**But at least she's not the psychotic kind of crazy, just plain crazy.**

**And I won't deny I love reviews too!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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